Chapter 37 about autobiography

Mr. Pengzi wrote to ask me to write a manuscript for "Literary World", and said that it would be best to write a short biography.A bookstore asked me to write an autobiography ten years ago, but I didn't agree. I don't think I am qualified to write an autobiography. It is ridiculous to write it "if it is true", and there is nothing in my life that is too different from others.Also, I always feel that when I use myself to narrate and describe myself, besides the unrestrained subjective emotions, there are inevitably two dangers: one is conscious infidelity, and the other is subconscious exaggeration. The truth and beauty of the world.

In the winter six years ago, I was in London, looking for a house to live in, watching advertisements every day.I saw an advertisement once, saying that there was a large bedroom with a bathroom, and a Backgarden facing the street at the back.The translation of Backgarden means "back garden", at least it will be like the "backyard" in Peking. I gladly went to see it immediately, but I was very disappointed after seeing it.It turned out that what I thought was the "back garden" was just a piece of dirty grass with dried tofu, surrounded by a fence, and there were chicken coops and dog houses in front of the fence!

In the afternoon, I had tea at the female writer Ms. Virginia Woolf, and I accidentally brought up this joke. I said, "Our back garden in China is a place where you can 'book for life'. No matter how bad it is, there is a pavilion and a few pots of flowers and plants. , a few trees. For example, the back garden of our hometown, which was considered very small in my old house, was hundreds of times bigger than what I saw today..." She also laughed.From there we talked about Chinese gardens, Chinese seasons and seasons, various customs and habits of Chinese big families, my grandfather, my childhood... She suddenly said: "Why don't you write an autobiography and put all these A detailed description must be of great value to us foreigners. Write it quickly and I will translate it for you.” I thanked her and said:

"It's rare that you are so enthusiastic. I will start after I return to China. I hope you don't get bored." Less than a week after I returned to China, the Sino-Japanese war broke out.In the midst of migration and displacement, I could never find the time to write long texts.Last summer, I received news of Ms. Ufo's suicide, and my interest in writing an autobiography dropped to zero. However, I talked to some friends who studied eugenics and sociology, and they still encouraged me to write. They said that there is a traceable relationship between a person’s genetics and environment, and his personal ideals and achievements. Written out, for better or for worse, it has historical value.It's not bad when I think about it. I was born in the Year of Gengzi, and everything in China has undergone great changes. If I just use myself as a clue to connect all the facts around me in the past forty years, maybe I can make future generations feel better. People get a more vivid and detailed reference outside of history.And in the non-self-centered description, maybe the "little" me dares to write.

I don’t know when I can start writing. One is that during the Anti-Japanese War, my hometown was isolated, and many relevant documents could not be found—for example, the chronology of my grandfather and father—two. Some friends prejudged the failure of this autobiography. It’s about some events, maybe I won’t write in too much detail and faithfully, but I still want to try, maybe when the documents are easy to collect and I’m a little older, I can write more calmly, accurately and objectively Come down, let people know the social background of a small life in the forty years before the Anti-Japanese War.

Because of Mr. Pengzi's contribution, I express my wish as above.Thirty-one years, March 28th night, Gele Mountain. (This article was originally published in the third issue of "Literary Forum" in May 1942.)