Chapter 11 Leisure

My younger brother pulled the hairpin out of my head, and carefully opened a new monthly magazine.After reading the catalog, he rolled it up, held it in his hand and said with a smile, "Brother Ying, you are so silent, you haven't heard from me for a year." I meditated and smiled slightly. Yes, too silent!However, I can't, and I don't want to sneak in; unnaturally, artificially, with entertainment as the goal, to write something. The sick God was merciful to me and gave me the most leisurely and quiet seven days. Except for the time of taking medicine several times a day, which is bitter, I feel that there is no moment when I am not immersed in slight pleasure.

— the courtyard is silent.The pillow mat is cold.The warm sunlight passes through the reed curtain and shines on the pale yellow wall.The dense tree shadows are slowly shaking in the breeze.There are good birds flying outside the window from time to time.At this time, everything in the world has been abandoned, and the universe is in a room, and the sound of flowers, shadows and trees is full of magic.It's the most rare time of the year, but it's a pity there are only seven days! At dusk, when my younger brother came back, the music sounded, and the silence was broken.A piece of dark green silk is covered by a lamp, and everything in the room is gloomy, like a scene of tragedy.Seeing his exquisite white clothes in the mirror, he quietly felt ethereal and mysterious.

When the ukulele in the corner of the house trembled and jerky, it played slowly.The two voices, from different tones, gradually merge into one. From the melodious to the subtle; from the loud to the slow, I felt infinitely lost and restless when I was stunned. The children are so cute. They sneaked up in my sleep, put down a few bouquets of flowers, and left again.The little brother took it and put it in a bottle, and secretly put it on the bedside table in my sleep. ——I saw it with my eyes open, yellow and white, unknown small flowers, against the short light green bottle. ...It is not very fragrant, but every flower contains innocent friendship.

Resting all day long, the time limit between sleeping and waking is unclear.Sometimes in the middle of the night, I feel very spiritually complete. ——Hearing thunder and rain, every time lightning penetrates, the Admirallum flowers on the window sill are reflected lightly and clearly on the curtains, and then quickly wiped away.And the afterimage is extremely distinct, imprinted on my meninges.This is the first time I have seen "natural" light ink paintings. After getting permission, they came out to evacuate at dusk.Light and cool.Between the slow steps, the self-consciousness is very weak, and there is an indescribable happiness hidden in the weakness.This scene was just like when I was on a boat when I was young,——I don’t remember it at all, it was my mother who told me——Everyone was fainting, and I just ignored it, and walked on the deck by myself, looking at the sea.While concentrating, from time to time, I feel that my body has turned and I have fallen on the deck, thinking that it is very fresh and interesting.Every time I sit down, I can't stop laughing, and get up again after laughing, hoping to fall again.It's been more than ten years now, and I don't want to take pleasure in my weaknesses, and I haven't changed it until now.

A friend wrote me a letter of condolences, saying: "Dong Bo said, 'Being idle due to illness is not evil'. I have also been a good patient in my life, so I know that being able to be idle is really a big skill, and I have learned a lot. … If you can read the "Vimana Sutra" occasionally in addition to rejuvenating your mind, it is even more wonderful. With the power of heavenly women, you can cure the diseases of all living beings, and you will definitely not be able to solve your own diseases!For fear of disturbing the mind, I dare not catch up. " Being idle due to illness is the first thing on my mind, but I don't read Buddhist scriptures.

June 12, 1922 (This article was originally published in "Morning News" on June 15, 1923, and later included in the collection of poems and essays "Idle Love".)