Chapter 7 Bacteria

His name is Junzi, a first-class member of the first division of a county office, and many governors and adults have been replaced. His business has been preserved because he is reliable and has no ambitions like others.That desk has been on it for more than three years, and the desk for sitting on it has been wiped extremely smooth by the back of Junzi's clothes. There have been many times when Zizi was used to discuss the qualifications of fungus.But Junzi himself didn't care about it, and he took the same way as others, taking the method of non-resistance. Colleagues are like this, as if teasing a cat or playing with a cat, calling "Junzi, Zunzi" very affectionately, he sometimes responds, and sometimes keeps silent, depending on what kind of person is calling him.When meeting his boss, he would of course agree to it respectfully and straightforwardly, while equal colleagues would ignore him. As for the next-level clerk, Junzi had his own majesty on the outside, and could overwhelm those small employees.

Sometimes he also learns to resist, but the methods of resistance are all close to self-defense, because the name Junzi is not his real name.However, it is extremely appropriate to use this name on him.The so-called suitable, please don’t misunderstand, it’s not because he can also produce the kind of fungus in the wet pine forest in March, April, July and August, which can be picked up and fried or boiled as a delicious dish for dinner The reason is the image.The whole county's interest in him can also be said that he is just like the real pine fungus, smooth, thick, and...he really looks like a fungus!The head is big and round, the top is slightly pointed, the legs are short, and the waist is cylindrical, and there is no distinction between them with the hips.There are often many folds around the neck and chin... To describe this person with a pine fungus that just grew out of the ground, in his own words, he can't compare it with plants except "I am a human being, and a human being is an animal." In addition to reluctantly justifying, it seems that it is difficult to find a strong and appropriate reason for non-recognition.

Where the bacteria came from, no one can know.What everyone knows is that this place is not the birthplace of the fungus.Although Junzi can speak very similarly to the people in A, the people in A say that this person has been in the county for less than four years.And the most obvious thing is that A does not have an acquaintance.It is really not easy to inquire about this person's life experience and his past life!When you meet this person and ask him, the answer is that he probably came from some small county in the west of Hubei.Try to ask another one, and the second person will say that Junzi is probably from Chengdu.Three, four... If you are not afraid of trouble and keep asking, no two people will answer the same.

To be honest, they don't know it, it's close to chasing after wind.Each person expresses his opinion based on the different characters and body appearance of the fungus, so that those who want to inquire about his life experience don't know what to do.Of course, what we think is reliable is to ask him himself.But this one will disappoint you again!Usually when people ask about such things, he is always reluctant to speak up.Gradually, when you are no longer in love, or when you have to speak, he will promise you that your origin is from Xiaobei Street, Chengdu Prefecture, Sichuan—but for the other one, he will change your origin to Laifeng County, Hubei.Or it was Xinyangzhou Front Street in Henan Province or something else, in short, let him talk nonsense.Half of the reason why the fungus is reluctant to tell where he grew up is probably that he is not sure about this matter, and the other half is to defend against the ridicule of his colleagues.Because more than half of the people who asked him this were people who were so bad that they wanted to make fun of the fungus.

Junzi seems to have had some hidden accident, and he still keeps a secret about his origin, even in many serious matters.This kind of concealment, of course, we will not suspect that the fungus has committed any crime.If we look at Junzi's life, we can guarantee that he is a good citizen within the law.But also kind of weird.On the film, Junzi clearly had his name printed on it, and a line of First Section Members from County A was added next to it, without mentioning his hometown.When he went to the county office to make a list of all staff members, he simply filled in A local people.The county magistrate also asked him about this, saying that he should fill in his place of origin.Guess what he answered!According to Junzi's usual long-term talk, you would think that Junzi will be embarrassed this time, right?Unexpectedly, Junzi generously said at that time that he had been in land A for three full years. According to the current provincial constitution, he had already obtained the citizenship of land A. It seemed that there was no need to write the place where he grew up in the past.He didn't fill in the line about the resume in the staff record.So we tried to find any traces of the fungus from the county office staff list, but we couldn't find it.

One day, in the office, the section chief, staff, and employees were quietly doing what they were supposed to do. A staff member in the education department was drawing a school zoning table on the long table with a large wooden ruler.Junzi finished his official business and stood by the table with his hands behind his back, watching his colleagues bend over and make lines and grids there.It was not noticed by the staff yet. When the clerk raised his head to let out a breath, he saw Junzi's kind face with a slight smile on his teeth.When Junzi saw his colleague saw him, he said kindly and sympathetically, "It's too troublesome, this...!"

"The fungus is over, do me a favor and paint for me!" Actually, this is a joke. "This—I'm afraid the painting will be ruined." Junzi resigned seriously, but thought in her heart that it would be good to just help out. "It doesn't matter if the drawing is bad," said the clerk, and sent the three-foot-long wooden ruler to Junzi's shoulder. A little farther away, a staff member heard the negotiation in this regard, and interjected, "Brother Junzi! Let's do it here, a short and easy official letter!" At this moment, Junzi was thinking about doing some official letter or something, so he wanted to walk over to kill the spare time.However, the education officer stopped him and said, "He is a friend, so am I not a friend?" He was so busy arguing, "We are all friends, we are all friends!"

On the other side, he still shouted loudly, "Brother Junzi." This puts the fungus in a difficult situation.I secretly glanced at the face of the colleague who drew the form. The colleague knew that he was looking at him, so he deliberately lowered his face and mouth, as if he was a little angry, and retracted the hand holding the sleeve of the fungus to his mouth. beard.Bacteria is not very stupid, knowing that if she is doing her best for the other side, then the side that did not try her best will be injustice, so she finally ran to her seat and said that neither of them would help.

He asked himself whether it was necessary to deal with this matter. In fact, the colleague who drew the watch did not have the sincerity to take advantage of the bug. I don't know who initiated a sentence, and then discussed the source of the fungus. The chief of the first section, Junzi's boss, was drafting a telegram, and he took the time to say that, from the round waist of the fungus, it was concluded that Junzi was the son of a butcher in Pu City.This seemed ridiculous, so everyone laughed.In fact, this is also very reasonable.In Pu City, it is true that fat people can be encountered at any time, not just butchers.

However, a judicial clerk surnamed Lu used his fungus nose to disprove the mistake of the section chief. He said, "Think about it, can you find such a strong and fat nose in Pu City?" The section chief thought about it in his heart. In Pu City, it seemed that it was really not easy to find a nose with a Russian flavor, so he didn't refute the judicial clerk.However, it is extremely unreliable for the judicial clerk to identify Junzi as a native of Henan. According to a staff member who has lived in Xinyang for four years, local people in Xinyang also lack this kind of nose.And Henan people are not so short and round, everyone knows this.

"Then he's from Chengdu, he said it himself!" said the staff member who called Junzi the eldest brother. "Chengdu people are called Que, so they are not so dull," the staff member who drew the form proved the mistake of the previous statement as if revenge. "Then they are from Mayang," someone said. "People in Mayang will form in-laws with others, but fungus can't do it." The section chief refuted the previous statement again. At the end of the discussion, there was still no result, so it was reserved. A staff member in the same department as Junzi saw that the section chief’s telegram was finished, and he was a little tired of the questions about Junzi. He came up with a new sentence and stood up solemnly from his seat. "Friend, don't do that!" Junzi raised his head and said, with a pleading meaning in his words. The colleague came to Junzi, "Haven't you ever sworn a big oath to me? You will forget it yourself!" He patted Junzi on the shoulder again. "Why don't I... We are friends, so we should stop teasing less. At night, we can go to the sweet wine shop on South Street to have something to eat." Junzi spoke softly, wanting to use a treat to discuss with colleagues. However, it failed in the end. Unexpectedly, my colleague deliberately loudly said, "Listen everyone, Junzi invited me to eat sweet wine and chicken on South Street at night. Anyone of you who wants to go can go all the way! You can invite Junzi, so you don't have to be disgusted." This colleague is extremely smart, and he especially smiled flatteringly at the section chief. "Section Chief, you have nothing to do at night, so just go. Junzi is very generous, and he will get angry if he is polite to him." Then he turned to Secretary Lu, "Mr. Lu, we all go, otherwise Junzi will Say you look down on him!" This clerk used to be the most gluttonous, and when he had nothing to do, he would go around knocking other people for drinks, but now he is the host of Junzi, so he is busy talking about it, there is no reason why Mr. Junzi should not go.The rest of the colleagues knew that the staff member did the trick, but because they wanted to play tricks on the fungus, they all agreed. As for the bacteria, I want to fly at this time, but flying is something that can only be done in a dream.It seemed to him that this was a dream, a pair of wings suddenly grew under his armpits, and he wanted to fly to other places, but his colleagues snatched the wings away, and he was surrounded by helplessness.When I saw that the section chief had seriously agreed, I murmured, "I don't have any money at the moment, let's wait a few days."But Secretary Lu immediately ordered the servant to invite the accountant, and advanced one-third of Junzi's March salary. The colleague who announced the fungus treat, when the accountant came to withdraw the money, took half of it and held it in his hand. He raised his hand and said loudly that it was five yuan, which was probably enough. The brothers kept it for the time being. At eight o'clock at night, everyone invited Go to the liqueur shop, don't use posts to ask for it.After speaking, he stuffed a five-yuan bill into his pocket. Colleagues saw Junzi laughing.Junzi didn't dare to look at his colleagues, and his gaze fell obliquely on the remaining five-yuan bill on the table.The corner of the note is slightly blurred, and there are two small red marks on the brown patterned paper. Junzi used to be a person who cured "Shuowen", and he recognized one as "Premier Zhiying" and the other as "Bank of China". Underneath, at a slightly crooked place, there is a horizontal red number 00735. Zunzi nonchalantly thought about the number at the end of the number in the hands of a colleague, either 6 or 4... As I said, Junzi is in the A local county office, a first-class clerk with a three-year qualification, the so-called A place is not a utopia that does not exist on the map. If someone wants to find this place, go to the Xiangxi District of Hunan Province and follow the big river that Qu Yuan went up the river. , from the post road or from the boat puller's tow road, it doesn't matter. You just go straight up, from Changde to Taoyuan, Chenzhou, Luxi, Pushi, Chenxi, Hongjiang, Qianyang, and then you will arrive. Land A naturally has the old name of its county or prefecture, but for the sake of omitting, I still call it Land A. What is there in A?Like any large or small city in any province in China, there are many people living in a fortified city built in an autocratic era. In the relationship between people, there is sorrow, happiness, deceit and deceit. There are exaggerations and hypocrisy, there are pretended groans, there are sleepwalking, and there is death.The strong persecute the weak in the same way, and the weak also do not resist the strong, but use the lessons learned from the strong to retaliate against the weaker.Every creature has the blood of a weak, hypocritical, and consumptive nation passed down from its ancestors, and they all have small cleverness, which can almost be said to be an instinctive strength of knowing and avoiding, attacking soft places.Little gentlemen will also cheer up, put on a show, and use laws or etiquette to subdue those farmers who are more diligent than worker bees.There are also ten or eight small pillars in the local area, and these pillars are more shameless, hypocritical, and cowardly than those in the country today. It is no different if you want to use other people's shouts to scare away political opponents. There is also a big river in land A, and there are residents on both sides of the river, so a big bridge is built on the river, and countless people walk on the bridge every day.Boats are moored on both sides of the river, loaded with cargo, and when sailing, the sailors on the boat will "howl, alas, Yilai and hello" and sing oar songs casually. ...It seems that there is no way to finish it if we go on like this. Everyone knows that there is indeed a place A, and a person named Junzi once lived there.Next, I will talk about the life of fungi. After the noon cannon rang out at the east gate, the guard in front of the yamen also blew the noon roll call. Soon, there was a bell in the hand of the servant, shouting from drunkenly. Go under the window, and it's time to break for lunch.Colleagues put unfinished official documents in paper folders, pressed them with a ruler, and went out one after another.Junzi rushed home to cook his own meal in a hurry to fight the fire.But this is also a short-lived thing. It seems too troublesome to wash rice and chop vegetables by one person, and the kerosene stove makes the water boil, it takes 40 minutes in total, and the lunch break is only one and a half hours. Coming.Although Junzi was able to cook the rice and stuff it into the stomach with a skill that ordinary people can't match, it was too troublesome in the end, so he soon packed his lunch to the office's kitchen and ate it with a few colleagues.When I get home at night, I cook for myself. Going home in the afternoon, Junzi is no longer in a hurry, and there is no need to be in such a hurry.On the way home, he never forgets to buy some vegetables for dinner.There is a large open-air vegetable market in front of the government office, and there are any fresh side dishes.The fungus can know what kind of dishes are in that month, and can buy suitable dishes with not much money.Or four taels of pork, plus a little bit of rapeseed, stir-fry the rapeseed with spicy peppers, chop the pork into cakes and steam it on the rice, then there will be soup and vegetables, and it can be divided into two meals.As for the oil, the stove and the lamp for reading at night, it is inevitable to buy it, but Junzi knows that the whole barrel is five or six catties stronger than buying it separately, so for three yuan or sixty cents, the disciple of Yiji has to carry a barrel and send it home.As for the oil for cooking, you can buy it or not. When you go to the table to weigh the meat, don’t forget to order some fat at the same time, or ask for a little flower oil. When you go home to fry the meat, put the meat in the pot for a little longer. If you want to fry some coriander and spinach in addition, there is also oil.In Junzi’s kitchen, there were originally two kerosene stoves. When one puts the washed rice down, the other one can be used for cooking or for drinking tea and washing face after eating.Junzi told the landlord that this is also very convenient, so the two stoves don’t take up too much space, they can be used as a two-burner stove, even if the same wife lives together, this is enough.Regarding living with his wife, Junzi didn't seem to have actually thought about it, but it was mentioned inadvertently when chatting with the landlord. It's not very cost-effective for one person to spend more than two o'clock to prepare a meal for dinner.Junzi's colleagues also persuaded Junzi to let him have dinner in the kitchen of the department, which would save a lot of trouble.The section chief said that twice, but Junzi smiled and remained silent.One meal of lunch is already a last resort, who would bother to save such a thing to eat such rough and disturbing meals!When he first came here, he was worried about the food made in the kitchen. He often went to the kitchen secretly by himself to have a look. When he saw those washing vegetables, he would shake the vegetables just taken out of the manure into the water, lift them up and vibrate them. As soon as the water comes out, put it on the chopping board and chop it up and throw it into the pot.Since then, when encountering the bowl of green vegetables on the lunch table, Junzi dared not even move them with chopsticks. He also had two reasons why he couldn't pack dinner in the office's kitchen: First, when he went to the office for dinner, his colleagues also regarded him as a blind dish, so they didn't go. Second, he has finished the work that should be done in the department, and there is nothing to do in the future except for going to the office at a few hours.As a person who is used to working in the yamen, after a long time, he really becomes a machine. Although he can still do a little phonology at home, but reading by himself does not take a long time from five to six o'clock.Junzi is not a person who knows how to find entertainment, and he doesn't need entertainment.If you go to the office at two o'clock in the evening, with other colleagues, you may feel like cursing, but with him, it will be somewhat settled.For the hours of free time at night, Junzi often struggles to find a job to kill. If the two hours of cooking are shortened to 30 minutes to eat that rough meal in the office, the time will be more than 100 minutes. At half past one, wouldn't that make it even more difficult for the fungus? As for the fungus, what do they do after eating the rice they made?Of course, the first thing is to brush your teeth first.Fungi love to be clean, and their teeth are especially well taken care of. "Junzi, your teeth are very white." Or, "Junzi, your teeth are like gourd rhinoceros", or "Dongfang's teeth are like weaving shells", these words were originally from a mean colleague, with some mocking compliments , but this is very useful for fungi. Mushrooms always feel that this is an honor that is enough to be proud of. No matter what kind of mouth the praise comes from, whether it is sincere or not, it is a fact that teeth are worthy of praise.He would like the section chief to reward him with well-worded manuscripts for official letters and submissions, but he especially wanted the section chief to give him considerable praise for his teeth.Once, a colleague seemed to guess what he was thinking, and told him that "the section chief discussed your teeth with the county magistrate, and the county magistrate said you know hygiene."Whether this came from the mouth of the county magistrate, but Junzi did not research his authenticity. From then on, Junzi often exposed her teeth intentionally or unintentionally when talking with other people or sitting alone. Junzi lived in place A for three full years without any changes. The so-called "so" three years of life meant that Junzi got up at seven o'clock every day, washed his face with hot water, and brushed his teeth with the invincible brand toothpaste in a large iron tube. Eat boiled chicken, read Guan Shengdijun's "Ming Bible", and then go to the county office to do business, receive a monthly salary of 30 yuan from the end of the month to the end of the month, and spend all day on the desk drafting official letters and instructing drafts. , with suspicion, went to eat the kind of food in the big kitchen, and when I returned home in the afternoon, I turned on the kerosene stove at home, and spent more than two hours to cook that dinner.As for the other kind of life that Junzi used to live in another place, of course there are many differences, but apart from his own knowledge, it is impossible for others to know the slightest bit, (Junzi speaks like an ordinary Jiangxi old man who sells cloth. To tell the truth, the people you listen to don’t understand, and when you understand it, it’s the most unreliable statement.) Using induction to estimate a Jiangxi native is extremely easy to be mistaken for the opposite position. There is simply no need for discussion.Junzi's age, according to himself, will be thirty-six years old on the seventh day of June this year.For the time being, let's regard him as a thirty-six-year-old person, except that he was not born in this world when he was thirty-three years old. Let's take the three years he has been in A place as an example. In the past three years, everything around Junzi, of course, is somewhat different!As far as Junzi knows, for example, the butcher on North Street, Junzi once weighed four liang of pork more than a hundred times under his hands, and the boss of the guest and host is now the head of the regiment because of his military exploits.The landlord's second lady, who only left the cabinet when Junzi came, is now a widowed mother with two children.There have been five county magistrates in the office. It is said that one of the five county magistrates has become the governor, and one died of illness.Except for the two file managers who used to be old colleagues in the department, now there is no one left. ... There are many more, and the fungus can feel the difference between the past and the present.Occasionally, when thinking of these unequal situations caused by time, Junzi compares the past with the present, and always feels that everything in the past was quieter and life was more peaceful.The future is getting worse every day, regardless of society or people's hearts.Junzi often expresses emotion, thinking that two years ago, people's hearts seem to be much more honest, but now it's really nothing!These are also very reasonable. The dignity that Junzi maintains in the department and among colleagues cannot be maintained for a year.Although the name of Junzi was called out by colleagues in the first year, no one knew how much fear others still had about Junzi at that time, except for a few colleagues shouting.Now the name seems to have spread, like the waves created by a small stone thrown on the water, and it went in all directions!The child whose lanugo hair had never dried up in the local property storage office actually screamed "fungus and fungus".The world has really changed. From the persecution of fungus, we can say that the world is really getting worse day by day. Some people may wonder, thinking that all the colleagues who said they were bacteria have been replaced with new ones, so why can the bad names that the previous colleagues took for him be passed on to the colleagues after the fifth batch?I have to explain this.You don't know that whenever handover is done, colleagues will simultaneously treat the fungus' name, personality, behavior, and how to deal with it as a serious matter, and hand it over to the new colleague who takes over.So the name of the fungus has been passed down.All the unreasonable persecution that Junzi received because of this name was also passed on from old colleagues to new colleagues. In the past three years, by daily calculation, it is equivalent to more than one thousand and one hundred days. If the butcher turned into a bandit, he went up the mountain and felled the grass after the bandit, and after the grass fell, he attacked the city and burned more than 300 houses outside the east gate of A. Demonstrations, and... until recruitment and promotion, I have to record it. I am afraid that I have to prepare two thick books.But when it comes to fungus, it seems that the thousands of words I wrote earlier are quite enough.If it is really going to be extended for another three years, Junzi has not moved, and his career is still there. The county magistrate has been changed, and a number of colleagues have been changed. He is still the first section member with a salary of 30 yuan a month, so there is still no change of.It is really impossible for bacteria to discover new differences in themselves in a certain life.Junzi is basically like a law-abiding person, without any requirements; even if there are, he just hopes that the other batch of new colleagues will play tricks on him less.In fact, he is so, every day that comes before him is like any day in the past, except for open holidays, winter and summer are the same, he always goes to the office to work in a regular manner, and accepts all kinds of things that his colleagues have prepared at home. Such a fresh way of making fun.After returning home, after finishing the routine life I just mentioned, I lie down on my very delicate and clean bed with Jingzhou satin quilt and flowery foreign cloth new flat pillows, and dream a little bit to make myself calmer. .Sometimes the dreams I have are revenge against my colleagues, and of course they are a bit more intense than normal ones.But most of the fungus in the dream is still the same as the fungus we saw during the day: fear of trouble, love peace, extremely honest and honest, and adhere to the passive doctrine of no resistance to violence and persecution. He often feels in his dreams that this is a dream, that he can beat and scold others at will without fear of being punished by his superiors, so he prepares to roll up his sleeves and get up to take revenge on his colleagues. Unfortunately, in the end, someone else uses a torn sock Or a paper ball, shouting "the magic weapon is coming", knocking the fungus to the ground in shock, and waking up with only a beating heart.He sometimes dreamed that he was cooking chicken at home, and a little gray mouse ran past his feet and stopped by the wastebasket opposite to watch him.Sometimes I dream of being surrounded by several colleagues, one of whom is raising his hand and yelling, beating, beating, and I am so anxious that I cannot escape, wanting to become a bird and fly into the sky, or muttering words, even if I don’t escape to other places, my colleagues Blinded by the invisibility method, he hid his own location.Boiling chicken and seeing little mice is the reproduction of the fact; being surrounded by colleagues is also the reproduction of the fact; In the dream, a pair of wings grew under his armpit, and when he vibrated, he was away from the line of fire of his colleagues.Or even though they are still standing next to colleagues, they can no longer be seen with naked eyes.Junzi dreamed twice that he was newly promoted to section chief, and only had this kind of dream twice in three years. Naturally, it cannot be said that Junzi had undue ambition.I had another suicide dream. I dreamed that I was forced by my colleagues, but I stabbed myself to death with a paper knife in front of everyone. I fell to the ground with a pool of blood around me. I wrote a suicide note to the county magistrate, saying The colleagues were so bad until the county magistrate finished reading the suicide note and shed tears, saying that the man was pitiful, and immediately called all the colleagues who had bullied Junzi to send the funeral for Junzi, so Junzi woke up satisfied. ...Jungzi's dream, I can remember, and there are many, that is, in the dream, I can't escape my colleagues to go to work alone, and those colleagues always pretend to squeeze their fists and scream. In fact, some colleagues I have already left the county office to go elsewhere, but in the dream, those few mean people always think that they have transformed themselves, after the wings are born, just when they are about to fly, or they are pulled by a colleague again. The feet fell to the ground, or even though they had wings, they could not fly up, or the wings were snatched away by a colleague. character"), hesitant and at a loss, just like the fact, surrounded himself among a group of mad dog-like colleagues, let a few mad dogs come and bite, or not bite, in short, he was rescued when he was about to pass out . In place A, about one fungus still exists today. Painted in Xishan, Beijing in March 1926