Chapter 123 pain

Is suffering for nothing? —Thomas Mann Love happens unconsciously.When did it start?Even they themselves do not know.Generally speaking, this incident appeared to them a little too early, because they were only nineteen years old.However, if you think about it carefully, it makes sense.But they were born together in Gaojia Village, from playing together naked to the age when they knew how to be shy, they went to the village elementary school with their schoolbags on their backs, and then went to the middle school in the city with their bags on their backs, until now they graduated from high school and applied for the same university and major .

Now they are in a state of restless waiting.After spending more than a dozen times getting along day and night, coupled with the influence of the flood-like love movies in the past few years, the mysterious string in the hearts of boys and girls was finally plucked, and a second group of unskilled but abnormal songs popped up. Beautiful harmonies. Danian is the second son of Gao Renshan in Qiancun.Like his honest and fawning father, he has a simple and stubborn naivety, just like a sorghum growing out of the loess.Of course, such people often have a quality that is difficult for others to match, that is, they are very durable and can withstand beatings.This is also like sorghum in the field.

If you have the opportunity to go to the mountains in northern China during the severe drought, you will see that when many plants are scorched by the scorching sun and become deaf, the sorghum sucks but sticks its back stubbornly, and After autumn, there will be a bunch of bright red particles. Let’s talk about Da Nian’s father, Gao Renshan. Although he is not young, he insisted on supporting the two boys with hard work and sweat. , I have already settled down to farming.But he was not discouraged, and continued to swear to the folks that he would send him to the university in his new year.Although the kid in Da Nian is not particularly smart, he is as strong as his father. With hard work, he has always been outstanding in his studies.

Xiaoli is another kind of child, smart, quick-witted, and lively like a kid.Although she is also a native of the countryside, she is full of fantasy.Let’s just say that she and Da Nian are in love (let’s put it this way), she was the first to express it on her own initiative, and once on the way back to the village on a Saturday, she even teased those in love in Da Nian’s movies, chasing after her.As for her, while running, she giggled and performed some naughty so-called "slow motion" movements... In these days, the simple and honest Danian has felt that he has become a real man.He fell in love, and that meant the end of childhood.He loves Xiaoli just like he loves Mingli and the sun.But he loves too seriously and is too obsessed, which affects his last year of study.Soon he will know what price he will pay for it.Of course, as far as we are concerned, it is forgivable: because when we are at this magnetic age, we often cannot fully grasp our feelings and behaviors.But a person's pain and misfortune often begin at this time, and the real life may begin at this time.

Gao Danian was knocked down by a thunderbolt: he didn't get into college!He failed! One day, when the definite news came, he ran to the threshing field in front of the village alone, and lay down in a pile of grass in pain and numbness.He, his mother, and his elder brother all ran over one after another.They shot him to commit suicide.The three relatives formed a circle, squatting in front of him with a look of gloom, not knowing what to say, they just sighed one after another.This intensified his pain.well!He failed the hard work and high expectations of the three people in front of him.

"I've seen it for a long time, you let Xiaoli delay you... Oh! You foolish boy! You should start a career first and then start a family! Besides, you are still a baby. If you don't study hard, can you be successful..." Father The two rough hands rubbed each other, expressing the resentment in their hearts. "That's a goblin!" said his elder brother through gritted teeth. "Don't blame her!" He sat up all of a sudden, with an angry expression on his face.He couldn't bear their contemptuous attitude toward Xiaoli, whom he regarded as a god.Although he was not admitted to university because of this, he did not regret his love.It was by no means childish: for I knew he had always taken it very seriously.

His father was also angry, and stood up in a blink of an eye, his lips trembling with excitement. He really wanted to yell at him, but he couldn't find a word when he was so angry. With a stubble on his face, he turned around and left.The old man Renshan sighed as he walked, his stubborn head drooping to his chest in the past, his expression clearly declared to the villagers: his dream of becoming a dragon has been completely shattered! At this time, it was noon, and the sun in late summer and early autumn was still shining hotly on the earth.Da Nian sat blankly on the dirt field, with sweat running down his rosy face like Gao, digging back and forth on the dirt with both hands.His mother is crying.

He persuaded his mother to go home.He reassured her: he would never commit suicide, he just wanted to be alone here for a while. Of course, there was a more important reason for him to let his mother leave here, because he saw Xiaoli walking back from the county road.If she wants to go home, she must pass through this soil field. Another sun rose before his eyes.The pain was temporarily overwhelmed by an inexplicable excitement.He waited for her to come towards him. Here she comes.She obviously didn't expect to meet him here, and there was a look of surprise on her face-perhaps it was not accurate to say that.But this indescribable expression quickly disappeared.She immediately took out a piece of paper excitedly, shook it in front of his eyes, and said in a trembling voice: "My admission letter! The Department of Chemistry, Provincial Normal University, is the second choice to apply for the exam..." She also said At nineteen, there was no way he could hide his joy in the presence of someone who was suffering so much.By the time she realized the inappropriateness of her move, it was too late.She was horrified to find that the face of the person in front of her suddenly turned as pale as dead ashes, and then sat down on the ground, holding his head with his hands.

"I have to leave in a few days, and the reporting time is very tight..." She tried her best to hide her excitement, but her voice was still trembling. "We will always be good friends." Even though she is young, she has learned a little bit of sophistication.Her words actually implied a definite thought. It's a pity that he, who was honest and flattering, couldn't understand the true meaning of this sentence, and was agitated instead; but she didn't wait for him to speak, and immediately said: "We are all young, and we used to play around. Originally, I really hope we go to college together, in the future...

I feel very sorry for you.In the new year, you want to open up, your studies are good, but your fate is hard to say.Of course, we will always be good friends..." well!It turned out to be like this.This time he really understood.He felt that the sun in front of him suddenly lost its dazzling brilliance.What he paid a heavy price for were such an understatement! In this short moment, all the innocence that Gao Danian had kept from childhood to the present was wiped away forever.Yes, for the first time he knew: how serious life really is! He didn't say anything, just wiped the sweat off his face with his cuff, turned around and left just like his father did just now.However, instead of holding it on his chest like his father, he lifted it up as much as possible, and that demeanor was like clearly announcing to the world that he was only now a man in his senior year.

The pain...it speaks for itself.The double whammy was heavy enough even for a sophisticated adult, and he was only nineteen—a child, strictly speaking. He used to talk a lot, but now he is completely silent, like a mute, and followed his father and elder brother without saying a word, and started a hard working life.Fortunately, production has been contracted to households in the village, and everyone is no longer working together. Only the family members know about his unhappiness.He avoided outsiders as much as possible. At night, he couldn't sleep with his eyes wide open.So he put on a winter padded jacket, sneaked out of the house, and walked aimlessly in the river bend in front of the village alone, like a nocturnal god, with Xiaoli's shadow haunting him all the time.He wanted to hate, but he couldn't hate, because those infinitely beautiful feelings from the past were still entangled tenderly in his heart, and he couldn't cut a little bit of it. However, what is more painful is that he feels that he has missed a good time.Now the country is in need of knowledgeable talents, and how much he wants to do a great cause for the motherland!For some people, the four modernizations are just a slogan, but for a passionate young man like him, it is a real thing.He knows that in an extremely important period in the future, his generation needs to be the backbone of the motherland, but he has suffered misfortune at this time! "I'm in so much pain..." he thought. "But," he thought again, "am I so willing to let the flames of pain destroy me? It shouldn't be! It's because I'm in such pain that I want to fight for my breath! Not only should I work hard, but I should also study hard Xiao Li, I will see you again one day, just wait and see, when I see you again..." As he thought this way, his teeth were clenched in his mouth, and the two The object could not help but clenched into two fists.The blood of the young man was boiling all over him again, and a new consciousness finally awoke in his mind. He is still taciturn and works hard. Soon, the old man Gao Renshan found that on their way out of the mountain to work, there were some small stone flakes planted everywhere, with some "foreign codes" written with white chalk on them.The old man recognized that it was not a Chinese character, but it was written in the mountains, and he was terrified. He thought it was a foreign spy. He told his wife about this mysterious thing, but he said to him disapprovingly: "You didn't see us. Is it also written on the stone in Maoerli?" The eldest son couldn't help laughing, and said to his father: "You are ridiculous! What are foreign spies doing here? 'Spy' is at our house. That's an English word written in New Year's Eve." "What's the matter?" the father asked the eldest son. "Why, he still wants to go to college!" The old couple opened their mouths in surprise, and the old man Renshan shook his already pale head and said, "You'd better work hard, the graves of our ancestors didn't have a good geomantic omen!" In any case, Da Nian worked hard again.He started with English, which he got worst in the exam.He didn't want to stay at home and immerse himself in his studies, lest those who didn't know the inside story regard him as a bastard, and those who knew the inside story took the opportunity to laugh at him.He has his pride. But this learning is extremely difficult.Whenever he came down from the mountain with a bundle of crops on his back, his sweaty eyes could no longer make out the English words he planted on the small stones by the roadside.But he still desperately completes the daily study plan.As the days and months passed, he became like an ascetic monk, often so tired that his eyes blurred, he walked unsteadily, and his head always drooped weakly.However, he feels that his spirit has never been as high as it is now. Look, he mutters words when he walks, he mutters words when he goes to the toilet, he does calculations at his desk in front of the kerosene lamp, and his hair is often burnt due to napping, and his head is burnt yellow... ...all of this, he endured.Sometimes, waves of pain would suddenly come back to his heart, tormenting him to death.At this time, he would silently recite that sentence in his heart: "When I see you again..." At this moment, the pain is also tormenting another person.This is none other than Xiaoli's mother. From winter to spring, the ice and snow melted, the land thawed, and the earth gave birth to a kind of vigorous vitality.But this season does not bode well for an arthritis patient. Every time Xiaoli's mother came here, her leg joints hurt like steel needles.This spring is especially serious.Widows are neither happy nor unlucky.Although her husband passed away too early, her dear daughter was admitted to college.Reminiscing about the past is a lot of bitterness, but looking forward to the future is also sweet: after a few more years, when Xiaoli graduates from university, she will be able to follow her daughter to enjoy life! However, the days ahead are indeed difficult.She has no relatives around her, and the land is allotted to households. Who will plant the crops for her?The land will be plowed soon, and she doesn't know which one to ask for the opportunity in the village.If she hadn't tortured her in previous years, there would be Gao Renshan's family.What face do you have to beg him now! On this day, she went to the well at the bottom of the ditch to draw water.When I returned, my damn leg walked halfway up the slope, and I couldn't walk anymore because of the pain.She put the jug on the side of the road, put her hands on her knees, opened her mouth, and almost cried! It so happened that Gao Renshan, father and son were returning from the back valley at this time, and they were walking towards their home on the path across the river.All three of them saw the scene on the other side of the river. Danian's brother obviously took pleasure in other's misfortune, he turned his mouth and went back as usual, Danian looked at his father, his father lowered his head and just walked, pretending he didn't see anything. Danian stopped.He looked at his father and brother walking in front of him, feeling very uncomfortable.The hardworking spirit of the father and brother is awe-inspiring, but the narrow peasant consciousness is so unrespectable. He turned silently to the small road at the bend of the river and walked towards Xiaoli's mother.He is a man who has suffered, so he also expressed his sympathy for the sick person in front of him, although his pain was caused by her daughter. He came up to the old woman, and without saying a word, he lifted the jug beside her.An unspeakable expression suddenly appeared on Xiaoli's mother's painful face.But she just said behind the scenes: "My baby, the door is open, there is boiling water in the thermos, there is tea on the table, there are cigarettes in the drawer, I'm looking for something to eat by myself. My legs are not flexible, I can't walk fast..." As he spoke, his voice choked up. He went into her house with the jug and poured the water into the urn. As he walked out, he couldn't help but glance at the picture frame on the wall.It was her, standing under the school card at the entrance of the university, her face smiling like a flower, almost completely different from her original appearance... He tried his best not to let the tears well up in his eyes. He went out of the yard and stood still in the place where he used to wait for Qinli.All the impressions of the past are so close, so clear, yet so far away, so vague... He saw Xiao Li's mother limping up from the slope, moaning non-stop.He then quickly descended another road.He doesn't want to see her pain, and he doesn't want her to see you who is in pain. The next morning, his father prepared the farm tools and asked the brothers to follow him to plow the land. He walked up to his father and said, "Go and plow for Xiaoli's family first!" His words stunned the faces of the two rough peasants, and his elder brother couldn't help but say, "You're ashamed! Is that still your mother-in-law?" "If you don't want to go, get out!" He suddenly lost his temper. His brother threw the plow and went into the house. He turned to look at his dad. What did he see?Ah, there was a hint of guilt hanging on that wrinkled face that looked exactly like him.The kind and simple nature revived in the old man. No one expected that Gao Danian, who failed the rankings last year, was admitted to a famous university in Beijing this year. Yes, he passed the exam.For this day, he suffered for a year and worked hard for a year.The hardships he has paid this year, the paths on the mountain, the small stones on the side of the road, and the kerosene lamps at home, are more clear than those around him. When he returned from the county with the university admission letter in his hand, he came to the threshing field in front of the village again, let his body lie on the pile of golden wheat straw, and let the tears of joy flow to his heart's content.His father, his mother, and his elder brother all ran over one after another.They also knew that they had passed the exam, and the three relatives formed a circle, each of them squatting in front of him with joyful faces, not knowing what to say. He didn't say anything else, he just said something to his elder brother: "Brother, after I leave, Xiaoli's house needs your help with some work, her mother has bad legs..." His brother nodded at him both happily and embarrassedly. He bid farewell to his dear Gaojia Village and the majestic Loess Plateau. After taking the car, he followed the trickling stream and the surging river, out of the mountain, out of the ditch, and drove across the boundless plain. The bustling and noisy provincial capital. He stored small items near the train station, bought a ticket to Beijing that day, and then thought about going to see Xiaoli at Normal University. There were still six or seven hours before boarding the train, so he had enough time. He carried a pack of fried golden pumpkin seeds from his hometown, and got on the bus to the Normal University. Normal University is located in the suburbs and is the terminal of this road.He got out of the car and walked towards the school gate with his heart beating wildly.Although this place has never been before, it is not unfamiliar, he has seen it in photos. When he walked to the school badge of the school where Xiao Li took pictures, he stopped suddenly. "What am I doing here?" he asked himself suddenly. He felt a faint tingle in his heart, ashamed of himself.He knew that he wanted to see Xiao Li because of an inexplicable psychological factor: don't underestimate people!Is this not unspoken revenge? "How could I do this!" He began to condemn himself severely in his heart.He thought: I have indeed endured great pain, but the flame of pain also burned the pain itself, making me enter a new realm in spirit and life. Yes, I have been miserable, but I have also been happy because of it.In this sense, I should not complain to Xiaoli anymore, but thank her—even though all this is so bitter! He held the bag of pumpkin seeds to his chest with both hands, leaned against the wall, closed his eyes, and calmed down his restless heart. Then, he resolutely took a bus into the city and returned to the city. He came to the post office in the city center and hurriedly wrote a note: "Xiao Li, please taste the pumpkin seeds from our hometown, New Year's Eve." He stuffed the note into his pocket, picked up the sewing needle and thread on the counter, awkwardly sewed the bag of pumpkin seeds, wrote the address, and mailed it. In the evening, when the beautiful sunset was setting on one side of the city, the direct express train to Beijing started.The clang of the wheels was getting faster and louder; Da Nian's simple face was pressed against the car window, looking at the vast plain and the boundless blue sky, two sparkling teardrops welled up in his eyes.