Chapter 115 Morning starts at noon (2) - Create "Ordinary World Essays"

After finding the "end point", then, no matter from the counterclockwise or clockwise direction, it is possible to sort out all the criss-crossing channels; because at this time, you already know about all the twists and turns in this big network. The clues are where the knot will end up.At this time, you can even make these clues "messy" with peace of mind, so as to lead readers into the formation of "gossip", making them unable to judge the fate of characters and things until the end of the reading.If there is such a large layout, and it is possible to set up gully channels everywhere, then it will be difficult for readers to jump to the ending part of the book in a large span.There must be no broad flatness that allows readers to drive straight into it.We must stop and read carefully at every turn before we can pass.

The bends in these ravines and channels may be the places where the works are broken into pieces.It is difficult to connect the whole, but it may be even more difficult to break the whole into many "fragments"-because this so-called "disconnection" is just for better connection.This is the dialectic in the structural mechanism of art.In order to find the general "end point" and various "end points", to set up various channels, ditches, ridges, for the overall connection, to keep "disconnecting" for better connection...the mind is often entangled in a mess Together.Walking, eating, defecating, even in your dreams, you get lost in some kind of rambling thought.Sometimes, a certain "channel" is led to a dead end by you, and you can't find a way out.The real world you live in is unreal, and that unreal world becomes real.A large group gradually approached you from the horizon of thinking and became a living existence.From now on, you will live in the world you built, cry and laugh with them.You are their master and you will be their slave.

15 Now, the last question before writing is, where to start? It's amazing!The last question turned out to be about the "beginning". Everything is difficult at the beginning, and so is writing.This is the first group of notes of the symphony, which will determine the development of the whole melody.The so-called "beginning" of long-scroll works, according to my understanding, is mainly to solve the problem of "betrayal" of characters.Among the long works I have read, some are brilliant and some are clumsy.Worst of all is the "introduction" approach.Characters are passively introduced to the reader by the author.This kind of introduction is resume-like and abstract, and the author is like a wall between the reader and the characters, becoming a pure "announcer", and when introducing a character, other characters are put on hold.The relationship between characters and characters also has to be explained by the author.Readers will get bored after reading these lengthy resumes.In fact, all brilliant "entrances" should be within the movement of the plot.Readers should enter the "plot" from the very beginning, and the "appearance" of characters and the interweaving of character relationships should be natural, as if they were not deliberately arranged, and readers will accept all of these unconsciously in the process of art appreciation.From the very beginning, the author should hide behind the characters, behind the scenes of the stage, and let the characters go straight to the readers unobstructed and blend with them.

However, in a long volume with nearly a hundred characters, should all the characters appear as early as possible?Or do you want to hold back the appearance of certain characters?My mentor Liu Qing seems to have said that characters should come out slowly.But I have not quite the same opinion.For example, Yang Youzui (Yang Jiaxi), who is as important as Sun Shuizui (Sun Zhiming) in "The History of Entrepreneurship", only appeared for the first time in the second part. Obviously there is not enough "length" to complete this character.The question related to this is such an important character, what did this person do in the turbulent social life of the first Toad Beach?The appearance of this character is too abrupt.

In my opinion, in a long scroll all the characters should appear as early as possible so that there is enough length to complete them.Especially for some secondary characters, if they appear earlier, you can express them in different ways at any time, even though they can only flash in each part, by the end of the book, they may become a rich and complete image .Except for some main characters, most of the characters are completed by bit by bit description.Let them appear earlier, and there may be more plumpness.How to get as many characters as possible in as little space as possible?This is a big problem.A plot moment must be found.

I have been troubled by this for a whole winter. After the idea of ​​the whole book is completed, it is very difficult to start from where to start.One night in the middle of the night, I suddenly thought of a solution on the bed, and I was so excited that I was trembling all over.I turned on the light, and wrote three words on the paper next to the bed: rat poison.Later, I used the incident of Wang Manyin selling rat poison to solve this problem.It didn't work out very well, but it worked out.I extended this incident a little bit forward and back, and used about 70,000 words to make all the main characters and more than 70 characters out of the nearly 100 characters in the book appear in front of readers.More importantly, I basically avoided introducing the characters in a resume style, achieved the purpose of letting the characters appear in the movement, and realized the initial cross-over of the conflict relationship between the characters.This is a great advantage, it enables me to unfold or interweave contradictions freely and on a large scale as soon as possible, and enter the stage of expression, without having to interrupt the progress of the whole plot at any time to introduce a new character.

So far, I probably feel that some major preparations before writing have basically taken shape.Not that everything is complete.There is never a perfect time.All the work now is to create a framework for future works and prepare some building materials.Once the writing is started, once the characters are really active, the framework may undergo major changes and breakthroughs, some materials may be completely useless, and there will be an unknown number of long-lost parts.Most of the problems will not be exposed until entering the writing.It is necessary to adjust, change, and supplement while writing.

Before I knew it, it had been almost three years.The real novel has not written a word, and it has already tossed people half to death.Thinking about the formal writing that is about to start, it is chilling.Now I want to use this gap to let my mind rest and cool off.Eat more nutritious things.I know that when I get busy, I often forget to eat or make do (and pay a heavy price for it). At this time, it was the minutes before the football players started, and it was the soldiers in the trenches waiting for the sound of the charge.Can't hold back the excitement.Uncontrollable tension. No matter what, you have to pretend to be relaxed for a few days.

Next, with the mood of saying goodbye, I devoted myself to two more enjoyable social activities, especially organizing a so-called novel promotion association. Dozens of people traveled around northern Shaanxi and had a very painful time.However, when I think about the work that I will face soon, I can't help but worry, and I have an urge to rush into disaster.Many friends helped me throughout the preparations.Some are willing to help automatically, and some are "forced" to help.I remember that in order to clarify some very specific situations in the early stage of the rural responsibility system, I locked two old classmates who were commune leaders in a room in a hotel for a day and a night. snore.

I have to talk specifically about my younger brother Wang Tianle.To a large extent, without him, it would be difficult for me to successfully complete "Ordinary World".He defended me like a guard from many a terrible disturbance.Since I was a teenager, I have been the head of a large family with many things and heavy responsibilities.At this moment, Tianle has automatically taken over these burdens from me.It opened up a relative space for me to concentrate on writing.In addition, he has been living in the countryside until he was nearly two or ten years old.Having experienced the extremely rich life in that world, he was able to provide me with many very important plot clues; he helped me solve all the problems that I was too late or could not fully solve.In the process of concentrating on sorting out the plot of the whole book, we have spent many tense and exciting days together; we often stayed up for several days and nights, immersed in work, even when he was sick and had a high fever.In particular, he has worked as a coal miner for five years, and he has provided particularly specific materials for this living environment where I am weakest.In fact, Sun Shaoping in "The Ordinary World" is directly based on his own experience.In the long writing process that followed, I lost my wisdom in dealing with things other than writing because I was deeply hidden, so he helped me take care of them.By the end of the book, my spirit was so exhausted that it reached the level of abnormality. My intelligence seemed to be that of a child of a certain age, and I had to think about the road for a long time before deciding how to live.Quanzu Tianle has helped me through these severe stages.Indeed, for a long time after the book was finished, I could hardly live independently without him, and I often followed him closely like an idiot or a child with no world experience.I see that all the people in this world are smarter than me.I often hold tears in my eyes and ask myself again and again: Why are you doing this?How did you become like this?

The story about me and my younger brother Tianle needs a special book to finish.Right now, when I am wandering around in a relatively leisurely time, Tianle is busy "checking the position" and helping me find a more suitable place to enter writing. I decided to go to a remote coal mine and start the first draft. This consideration is based on the following two points: First, although I have indirectly possessed a lot of coal mine materials, my direct experience of this environment is far less rich than other areas of life.According to the idea of ​​the whole book, coal mines are not involved until the third part.That is, life in the coal mines was written about two years later.But I know that after entering writing, it will be difficult for me to interrupt my desk work to supplement my life in the coal mine.Then, I first entered the mining area to write the first part. I was in the life scene of the third part, and I could directly feel the breath there at any time, and I could always get some compensation.2. When writing this book, I have set myself the spirit of enduring hardships and sacrificing myself. It is not in line with my desire to work in a comfortable environment from the very beginning. The living conditions in coal mines are poorer and more difficult, which is consistent with my spiritual requirements.Since I want to work hard to fulfill the long-cherished wish of this life, I should first devote myself to hardships.Carrying out such a difficult mission, one cannot have the slightest pity for oneself.It is necessary to exclude comfort and cut off tenderness. Only in a storm can it be possible to fly a few miles;In order to facilitate my work, I also served as the deputy director of publicity in the Tongchuan Mining Bureau.I'm sorry for the job.In the past few years, I have only been to the Propaganda Department once, and I don't know who the "superior and superior" are.I take up this post purely for the purpose of having a longer-term stay in the mines below, and to get some basic conditions. When the autumn wind was bleak, I took the lead with two large boxes of materials and books, and the most important "dry food" - a dozen cigarettes and two cans of "Nestca" coffee. I said goodbye to Xi'an and walked directly to my work place—— Chenjiashan Coal Mine. Before I came, the mine had already found a place for me at the mine hospital not far from the mining area.It was a small conference room converted into a workshop, with a table, a bed, a small cabinet, and some useless plastic sofas. Chenjiashan is the place my younger brother chose for me.This is a coal mine with a relatively high degree of modernization by the Tongchuan Mining Bureau, and it also has quite a lot of facilities.The most important thing is that there are my brother's two wives here, if I need anything, they can help me at any time. Relatives are very warm and kind.They first accompanied me around the mountains around.The scenery of the four fields is very beautiful.The mountains and rocks are majestic and the forests are lush, so it is called "Dry South".At this time, when "frost leaves are red in February flowers", the mountains are full of red, yellow and green, and are colorful.In order to let me have a good time, the relatives had a very enthusiastic atmosphere.But my heart is beating wildly, I want to get into work urgently, and I have no intention of admiring the picturesque scenery of nature.After returning from the mountain, I picked a few red leaves and stuck them in the gap of the sofa opposite the desk, my mood trembled in the warm red.The bed is made, and the daily necessities are in their respective places in the small cabinet; a dozen of the classics that I think are the most legendary are placed beside them-although I have read these books many times, I will not read them again here, but I Always see these magnificent pyramids built by humans to elevate your spiritual realm at any time.Afterwards, I took out one of the dozen or so manuscript papers I brought, paved it on the table, and sat down.The mood is extremely complicated.I knew it was time to enter the vast swamp next.However, for an instant, my heart was filled with a certain sense of happiness.Yes, for this day to come, I have been running around for two or three years, and have traveled a long way; now, I have finally stepped onto the boxing ring. Yes, the boxing ring.The opponent is none other than himself. 18 beginning.This is the real beginning.Write what?how to write?The first chapter, the first natural paragraph, the first sentence, the first word, everything is sacred, it seems to be a matter of life and death, which makes people choose and trembles. In fact, it is also really important that it will set the tone and rhythm of the flashbacks throughout the book.It will limit you and pave the way for you. All poetic sentiments are mobilized as much as possible so that miracles can be performed at the beginning, and words rain down on the paper.But before I finish a page, I feel that the whole article is full of teeth and claws. Immediately tear it up and start over.A new face of a philosopher.Seems shocking.But it didn't finish a page, but it was ridiculous and lame.Seeing that the day is over, except for a pile of waste paper torn from the wastebasket, it is still blank.I really want to hug my head and cry.You are so incompetent, you can't even open your head, and you are planning to order a multi-volume novel! Lying at night in solitary darkness, eyes wide open, I began to really wonder if I was up to such a gigantic job. It is entirely possible to be overwhelmed!who are you?You are an ordinary person, an ordinary writer who has written some works, how dare you try to engage in such a world-famous career?Many writers may be wise. When a work is influential, they take advantage of the momentum and write some works within their ability to consolidate their popularity. This may be a "seeking truth from facts" attitude.But you have been obsessed with it for several years, daring to do this unrealistic thing in order to realize a kind of youthful fantasy.When I was a teenager, people still dreamed that I would be an astronaut and go to space to catch an "alien". Could it be possible to put such a ridiculous idea into practice?Aren't you a contemporary Don Quixote? After waking up in a daze for a few hours, it was already high in the sky—it meant that I fell asleep after dawn.Sitting in front of that blank space again.Force yourself to re-enter the position. The feeling of remorse was gone.Come to think of it, you've been preparing for this for nearly three years, and there's no way you can finish it without writing a single word; if you do, it's a world-class joke.Another day is over.In addition to adding another pile of crumpled paper, there is still no word in front of my eyes.Day three repeated the same mistakes.Three days later, it was still blank. Call every day should not, call the land not working. At the beginning, I kept walking in circles, walking, walking, like a donkey grinding the road. From intense like a high fever until the sweaty head turns cold. The cold sweat calmed the burning thoughts. Calmness can be life-saving at times like this. Thinking about it calmly, the failure of the three days was mainly due to the fact that the thinking was too brave, so that I wanted to scream at the beginning.In fact, for such a large-scale work, which master made a big fuss at the beginning?Look at the masters, how peacefully they begin their narratives.Only the mediocre start with the pomp.Remember the words of Leo Tolstoy, the striking power of art should be put in the back.This should be a principle.Why are many long flat novels in contemporary China anticlimactic?The reason should be here.From this point of view, not only the beginning should be entered calmly, but also the general layout of the whole book should follow this principle.The three books should gradually rise and fall, and should advance wave after wave.There seemed to be a light in the darkness. Now, sit down calmly. So, it started off smoothly. In order to commemorate these unusual three days, I re-recorded the first natural paragraph at the beginning of the book——During February and March 1975, on an ordinary day, the thin raindrops sandwiched a little bit of snowflakes were dripping on the ground one after another. Floating to the earth.The season is approaching the cold sting, of course the snow will not stay any longer, and often it has disappeared without a trace before it hits the ground.The cold and long winter on the Loess Plateau seems to be coming soon, but the truly warm spring is still far away. ... 19 The working train finally started, and began to move forward slowly and rhythmically.Since you have the ability to move forward, you should move forward regardless of everything. The first note seems to be well pressed.Everything is tough, but it can go on.The thorough preparation before writing helped immediately.The materials and references used were huge from the start.Even though most of these materials, data, and materials will not directly enter the work, without them, it is difficult to imagine the production of specific products.I took all the materials out of the box and sorted them all over the table, leaving only enough space for my two arms to write. The table couldn’t fit, and some of the lesser ones were put on the window sill and the counter next to me.The lesser ones are placed on the opposite sofa.Nervous writing sometimes cannot have the slightest pause.Do not allow external interference, nor allow yourself to interfere with yourself.What is needed, you don't even need to look for it with your eyes, you can pull it to your face with your consciousness, so that it can be used quickly. After five or six days, I have begun to initially establish a work pattern, and have grasped the approximate daily workload and progress.A form appeared on the wall, with a set of numbers from 1 to 53 written - the first book has fifty-three chapters, and every time a chapter is written, a number is crossed out; Look at the form for half a day.What such a set of numbers means, I know very well in my heart.It was a mud that could not see the edge.Every time a number is crossed out, it proves that you have made another step forward.Restrain yourself from looking at that destination; just ask for a solid step for the day and a step for the next day. Indescribably difficult.Every sentence and every detail that appears in the pen must not only be appropriate in this specific place, but also consider whether it is appropriate in the first part; a little further, whether it is appropriate in the whole book.Sometimes the pleasure at the moment will bring endless disasters to future work, but you can't shrink back.Go forward boldly, advance carefully, and see the whole big net every day when you weave every thread and knot every link.Work progress has been shown quantitatively.The first goal set in this regard is to break through 130,000 characters.That's the word count, his highest bar so far.Breaking through this number carries a symbolic meaning.In a large and prosperous project, such small emotional stimulation is very important.The psychological mechanism in the state of creation is extremely complex, and it is difficult for outsiders to guess.Some miracles are caused by strange causes. The number of 130,000 characters finally broke through.Excitement breeds solemnity.The solemnity makes people tend to be calm.It's a small conquest.Next, the footsteps have begun to become bolder.At least on the surface, the next step is to start from a new starting point in the history of my own writing.The next quantitative goal is to get past one-half of this section. This goal can be achieved with tens of thousands of words, but this is setting a new record.Emotions are aroused by it.The whole writing went into a frenzy.The body is almost non-existent; life seems to be a purely spiritual form.Everyday life becomes robotic. However, there is nothing better than all this. 20 What should be the main state of mind in a frenzied and busy work? That is to assume that you are doing a job that is unprecedented for you.Or even do something unprecedented.Whether it is in substance or not, you have to think so.You have to feel that people are creating, you are creating extraordinary, your creation is unique; you should be proud of your work, even if you think it is great.This is not arrogant.Only in this "no one's eyes" state, it is possible to liberate one's spirit and release one's energy.We should dare to extend our tentacles to places that others have not been to, dare to enter the "no man's land" and set up our own signs.Every thinking giant can use his own method to understand the world and reveal the mysteries of the world, why can't you?" You guess and think that you have discovered another road to Huashan. At such a moment, all the writers you respect can let them sit in the "sacred words" prepared for them by the distant history, and let them shine on the earth with their radiance.But the light that shines on your world should be your own. Get all the great men out of the house with their writing methods and writing skills.Write entirely from your heart.There is no template, and the so-called template is born in the absence of template.Of course, it is absolutely impossible to maintain this "sense of greatness" for a long time.Difficulties will follow.You are momentarily helpless.How ridiculous and insignificant you are again touched by yourself.Looking up at the dozens of pyramids on the table, you are moved like a child who has piled up a few small mounds on the sand by the river.What is there to be smug about? Unspeakable shame and embarrassment.Will not be depressed for long.Because you are on the battlefield. Stop writing, leave the work, and think about other things. At this time, it is often the memories of the past life that come to the eyes. childhood.Can't bear to look back.Poverty and hunger, but also a sensitive and self-respecting heart.The contradictions that cannot be unified are the reality that we face from birth.I remember that I was often beaten by children from good families outside and retreated home with blue eyes and swollen noses. After returning home, I was beaten and scolded by my parents. The reason was why I provoke others to beat and scold me?At the age of three or four, you can clearly see your situation in this world, and understand that if you want to survive, you don't want to rely on others, you have to rely on yourself for everything.Therefore, when you were seven years old and your parents couldn't support you and begged all the way to send you to others, you calmly accepted this cold reality.You start to be an independent person from then on. When I was in middle school, I could only eat more than a dozen catties of coarse grains a month, and I could almost remember all the good meals I ate throughout my childhood.Then you got involved in the frantic Cultural Revolution, and your head was broken... Now, if you are sitting here doing such a noble job, if you don't have a big harvest, how can you be worthy of yourself? Why stop now?Remember, you don't have the right to hold yourself back.You have established a strict law for yourself, and you have laid a net of heaven and earth, and you can't expect to escape.Pick up the pen again.It has lost both the "sense of greatness" and the sense of smallness.Become a pure and conscientious craftsman, carefully check the reasons for stopping and the reasons for not being able to pass through.Constantly adjust the angle of thinking.A lot of "reverse thinking" is being applied.I started to have exciting new ideas, and once again a pool of stagnant water stirred up surging waves.The spirit then enters a new greatness. The rise from every setback will reveal you revisiting that simple truth: One success is often built on the back of countless failures.Think about it, among the builders of the pyramids in front of you, which one didn't complete his masterpiece after going through hardships and setbacks?It may be a comfortable failure from the beginning to the end. The sense of greatness and insignificance, helplessness and ecstasy, depression and excitement, these kinds of contradictory emotions are intertwined throughout the whole writing process.At this time, you are both a writer and an artistic image; you mold characters, and you mold yourself; you have the characteristics of Shakespeare, and you also have the characteristics of Hamlet in his writings. Writing is hard.Accompanied by it is the hardship of life. Generally speaking, I am not demanding on living conditions.This has something to do with my poor family background. As mentioned earlier, I struggled with hunger almost all the time during my teenage years.Therefore, apart from tabooing big meat (not for religious reasons), as long as it can fill your stomach, you will be satisfied.When writing is tense, I often forget to eat, and one meal a day is enough.But life here is a little too simple.It's not that they don't want me to eat well, the people here have been doing their best, but there are no conditions.In the deep mountains, there are tens of thousands of miners' families.In the event of autumn rain and winter snow, the traffic is often interrupted. It is said that one year, flour had to be airdropped here.There are no vegetables, no eggs, and it's hard to get even some tofu.I don't eat in the morning, and usually only have steamed buns, rice soup, and pickles at noon.Sometimes I eat more noodles at night, sometimes it is exactly the same as at noon.This is a mining hospital, and the doctors and staff all go home to eat, and few are hospitalized, and the food is quite difficult. If it's not work, this meal is fine too.It's just that I usually have to work more than ten hours a day, and this kind of food can't make up for the physical exertion.There might be a commissary or something in the mining area across the river, but I don't have time to go out. No time!Don't even dare to delay for half an hour.In order to restrain my will, the daily tasks are very limited, and if I can't finish it, I can't go to bed and rest.The workplace has actually become a prison cell, and strict "prison rules" have been formulated, which must not be violated.After eating two steamed buns and a bowl of porridge at noon every day, I rushed back to the workplace like leaving a baby in swaddling.When preparing for the work of the day, boil water in the electric heating cup to make a cup of coffee, and then sit down and work immediately.After dinner in the evening, I have to bring back two steamed buns, and before going to bed after work in the early morning, I will make another cup of coffee. After eating, it will not be a supper or two cold steamed buns early. Later, I brought an extra steamed bun after dinner because the "guest" was added to the room sound.The uninvited guest is a mouse.The number of rats in coal mines is astonishing.It is said that the miners often littered leftover steamed buns, which attracted so many rats. There are two mice that frequent my room.God knows where they came from.And they didn't pay attention to me at the beginning. They ran around on the ground, played and chased, and made cheerful "squeak" sounds. They simply regarded this place as their "Disney" paradise.They even dared to run to the sofa opposite my desk and stare at me at work.Sometimes, I jumped onto the window sill of my material wantonly, and performed running skills within close proximity to me.When I was very nervous about using my hands and brain, I didn't care about the order to chase away the guests. Sometimes I was really anxious and chased after them with a pen and notebook in my hand.They would of course disappear immediately without a trace.As soon as I sat down, the damn thing did it again.Especially at night, as soon as I pulled the lights out, these two guys would make a big fuss, and a few times they actually got into bed and ran around my head. There was no other way, so I had to ask some hospital staff to block the doors and windows, and finally wiped out one.But the other one still came to visit me as scheduled. That's why I "had a brainstorm" and simply changed from militarism to cynicism, taking an extra steamed bun behind the door for them to enjoy every night.In this way, the mice will not make trouble at night.Every day after getting up at noon, I habitually cast a glance behind the door: there will always be a puddle of leftover steamed buns there without exception. Afterwards, I lived peacefully with this mouse until I left here.And it has become my only companion in this lonely world.Until now, I still remember how it squatted opposite me, how it stared at my work with a pair of bright little eyes.What I feel guilty about is that I joined others in killing its partner--it may have been its husband or wife.When I crossed the half of the first part, I felt like I had conquered a new height in life.An irrepressible and morbid fascination with numbers developed gradually.From time to time, on the side paper, count the page numbers, count the words, and when you count the work, count the numbers between these numbers, although these numbers are also simple and clear at a glance.Only I understand that each simple number means what price has been paid or what price will be paid.Each number is a mountain to be climbed or to be conquered.When doing these calculations carefully, you are like a superstitious ancient divination master and a businessman who is obsessed with money.This is also a small self-entertainment activity during the intense writing process. Yes, the anxiety or gaiety of intense thinking and writing has driven the mind into a sort of delirium.After going to the toilet, I found a notebook in one hand and a pen in the other; hurriedly ran back to the workshop to put down the "weapon", and then trotted all the way back to the toilet, which alarmed the long-term residents here - mice , then immediately there was another big turmoil, standing by the urinal in horror, unable to react to what happened in front of him, and it took five or six minutes to return to normal.When going into the toilet in the future, in order to avoid being frightened, I kicked the toilet door a few times with my feet first, so as to make those guys "avoid" in advance. During the day, the high infrastructure in the courtyard of the mine hospital was filled with the noise of various robots.Come to work, and those sounds just don't seem to exist.At this time, I am most afraid of interference from outsiders.Fortunately, the people in the hospital know the rules very well. No one has ever entered my room when I was working.But one day, during my prime time, a person with a temporary press card from a certain news unit suddenly broke in and wanted to interview me. I explained to him repeatedly, but to no avail. long-term battle".Having lost my sanity and patience, I stood up, grabbed him roughly, and shoved him out of the room.I sat back at the table, my heart racing.I regret my rude behavior.But there is no way.If I satisfy him, I'm going to have a bad day.I will not be able to complete today's 'production task'. If I fail to complete the task today, it will affect my future work. My calculative digital equation will disrupt the whole production and become another chart, which will bring me huge Mental pain. When everyone performs similar work, it is indeed like a religious ceremony between gods and gods. No harassment is allowed. No matter whether it is others or yourself, it is unforgivable to destroy this kind of emotion. The extremely intense work and thinking will not end until late at night. In the early morning, in the silence, when I stood up from the table, I was often moved by the splash of gold stars in my eyes, and my legs were so cramped that I couldn't move my feet for a long time. Hiding on the bed, I felt that my life was coming to an end, as if I fell down and couldn't get up again.Thinking about the distant goal ahead, I couldn't help but feel depressed.The greatest consolation at this time was Leo Tolstoy's correspondence book, more than 500,000 words, a thick volume, and reading a few pages every night is equivalent to having a conversation with this most admired old man.Constantly verify and understand many of my confusions and experiences in his great thoughts, find answers to spiritual questions in him, and find the power to inspire courage.Think about the greater difficulties and spiritual crises encountered by the great predecessors, then you don’t have to be afraid, just sleep peacefully. The writing of long-volume works is the most severe old test of people's spiritual will and comprehensive quality.It forces people to use their abilities to the fullest.Either you go beyond this extreme, or you will plummet. As long as you don't fall down, you should keep going. twenty three The continuous autumn rain keeps falling.In fact, from the perspective of seasons, this rain should be called winter rain.It was very cold, and the people who came out of the mountain were already wearing bloated cotton-padded clothes and trousers. Through the window glass, I was suddenly surprised to find that there was a faint white on the peak of the high altitude in the distance.It was undoubtedly snow.There was a ray of warmth in my heart. When I think of my childhood and the early winter in my hometown, there will often be such a moment when I suddenly find a white snow cap on the tip in the cold rain and fog.In the continuous drizzle, the snow line is constantly expanding to the mountainside.The ecstasy makes people unable to stand for a long time in the cold wind and rain, marveling at the miraculous creation of nature. For rain and snow, I will always have an indescribable feeling.In the middle of the night, once the sound of raindrops knocking outside, it will wake me up from my deep sleep.Even the silent snow, I can feel it coming in my bed late at night. Rainy days, snowy days, often have an inexplicable sense of happiness.I love working on days like these; the energy of inspiration, poetry and creativity can flow freely. My attachment to rain and snow may be due to the fact that northern Shaanxi where I live is a severely arid region.There, rain and snow mean a good harvest, and it is closely related to rice bowls—that is, it is related to human life.When I was young, no matter it was raining or snowing, I couldn't help smiling when I saw my parents and all the farmers.要是长时间没有雨雪，人们就陷入愁容苦，到处是一片叹息声，整个生活都变得十分灰暗。另外，一遇雨雪天，就不能出山，对长期劳累的庄稼人来说，就有理由躺倒在土炕上香甜地睡一觉。雨雪天犹如天赐假日，人们的情绪格外好，往往也是改善一下伙食的良机。 久而久之，便逐渐对这雨雪产生了深深的恋情。童年和少年时期，每当一雨或下雪，我都激动不安，经常要在雨天雪地里一远遮拦漫无目的地游逛，感受被雨雪沐浴的快乐。我永远记着那个遥远的大雪纷飞的夜晚，我有生第一次用颤抖的手握住我初恋时女朋友的手。那美好的感受至今如初。我曾和我的女友穿着厚厚的冬装在雨雪迷漫的山野手拉着手不停地走啊走，并仰起头让雨点雪花落入我们嘴中，沁入我们的肺腑。现在，身处异乡这孤儿的地方，又见雨雪纷纷，两眼便忍不住热辣辣的。无限伤感。岁月流逝，物是人物，无数美好的过去是再也不能唤回了。只有拼命工作，只有永的遏止的奋斗，只有创造新的成果，才能补偿人生的无数缺感，才能使青春之花即便凋谢也是壮丽的凋谢。 愿窗外这雨雪构成的图画在心中永存，愿这天籁之声永远陪伴我的孤独。雨雪中，我感受到整个宇宙就是慈祥仁爱的父母，抚慰我躁动不安的心灵，启示我走出迷津，去寻找生活和艺术从未涉足过的新境界。 雨雪天由于情绪格外好，工作进展似乎也很顺利。有许多突然发的奇妙。有许多的“料想不到”。某些新东西的产生连自己也要大吃一惊。大的思路清楚以后，写作过程中只要有好的心绪，临场发挥就有超水平的表现，正如体育运动员们常有的那种情况。面前完成的稿纸已经有了一些规模。这无疑是一种精神刺激，它说明苦难的劳动产生了某种成果。好比辛劳一年的庄稼人把批一摞谷穗垛在了土场边上，通常这时候，农人们有必要蹲在这谷穗前抽一袋捍烟，安详地看几眼这金黄的收成。这时候，我也会面对这摞稿纸静静地抽一支香烟。这会鼓舞人更具激情地将自己浸泡在劳动的汗水之中。 在纷飞的雨雪中，暖气咝咝地来了。真想在声地欢呼。这是我最向往的一种工作环境。房里里干燥温暖，窗是雨雪组成的望不断的风景线。每天的工作像预选安排好那样“准时”完成，有时候甚至奇妙到和计划中的页数都是一致的。 墙上那张工作日期表被一天天划掉。 情绪在猛烈地高涨，出现了一些令自己满意的章节。某些未来扁章中含混不清的地方在此间不断被打通。情节、细节、人物，呼啸着向笔下聚拢。笔赶不上手，手赶不上心。自认为最精彩的地方字写得连自己都辨认。眼睛顾不上阅读窗外的风光，只盯着双水村、石圪节、原西城；只盯着熙熙攘攘的人物和他们的喜怒哀乐；窗外的风光只感觉中保持着它另外的美好。分不清身处陈家山还是双水村。 这时候，有人给我打来一个长途电话，说秦兆阳先生和他的老伴来西安了。这消息使我停下了笔。 几乎在一刹那间，我就决定赶回西安去陪伴老秦几天。当名胜古迹，在当时的状态中，即使家里的老人有什么事，我也会犹豫是否要丢下工作回去料理。但是，我内心中对老秦的感情却是独特而可替代的。 坦率地说，在中国当代老一辈作家中，我最敬爱的是两位。一位是已故的柳青，一位地健在的秦兆阳。我曾在一篇文章中称他们为我的文学“教父”。柳青生前我接触过多次。《创业史》第二部在《延河》发表时，我还做过他的责任编辑。每次见他，他都海阔天空给我讲许多独到的见解。我细心地研究过他的著作、他的言论和他本人的一举一动。他帮助我提升了一个作家所必备的精神素质。而秦兆阳等于直接甚至手把手地教导和帮助我走入文学的队列。 25 记得一九七八年，我二十八岁，写了我的中篇外女作《惊心动魄的一幕》。两斩间接连投了当时几乎所有的大型刊物，都被一一客气地退回。最后我将稿子寄给最后两家大刊物中的一家——是寄给一个朋友的。result.稿子仍然没有通过，原因是老原因：和当时流行的观点和潮流不合。 朋友写信问我怎办？我写信让他转交最后一家大型杂志《当代》，并告诉他，如果《当代》也不刊用，稿子就不必再寄回，他随手一烧了事。根本我有想到，不久，我就直接收到《当代》主编秦兆阳的一封长信，对我的稿子作了热情肯定，并指出不足；同时他和我商量（在地位悬殊的人之间，这是一个罕见的字眼），如果我愿意必，原文就发表了，如果我愿意改动，可来北京。怎么不改呢！我怀着无比激动的心情赶到了北京。热心的责任编辑刘茵大姐带我在北池子他那简陋的临时住所见到了他。秦兆阳面容清瘦，眼睛里满含着蕴藉与智慧。他是典型的中国知识分子，但没有某种中国的知识分子所通常容易染上的官气，也没有那各迂腐气。不知为什么，见到他，我第一个想到的是伟大的涅克拉索夫。 秦兆阳是中国当人的涅克接索夫。他的修养和学识使他有可能居高临下地选拔人才和人物，并用平等的心灵和晚辈交流的思想感情。只有心灵巨大的人才有忘年交朋友。直率地说，晚辈尊敬长辈，一种是面子上的尊敬，一种是心灵的尊敬，秦兆阳得到的尊敬出自我们内心。 结果，他指导我修改发表了这篇小说，并在他力争下获得了全国第一届优秀中篇小说奖。 这整个地改变了我的生活道路。 现在他来西安，他必须回去。 赶快联系回西安的车。 令人焦急的是，连绵的阴雨使矿区通往外界的路都中断了。 众人帮忙，好不容易坐上一辆有履带的拖拉机，准备通过另一条简易路出山。结果在一座山上因路滑被拒七个小时不能越过，只好返回。没有比这更痛苦的了。我立在窗前，看着外面纷纷扬扬的雨雪，在心中乞求老秦的原谅。 因此原因，以后去过几次北京，都鼓不起勇气去看望这位我尊敬的老人。但我永远记着：如果没有他，我也许不会在文学的路上到今天。在很大的程度上，和《平凡的世界》这两部作品正是我给柳青和秦兆阳两位导师交出的一份答卷。 不知哪一天起，晚饭后增加了一项新活动——到外面去散步半小时。暮色苍茫中，从矿医院走出来，沿着小溪边的土路逆流而上，向一条山沟走去。走到一块巨型岩石前立刻掉过头，再顺原路返回来。第一次散步的路线和长度被机械地固定了下来。那块巨型岩石就是终点，以后从不越“雷池”半步。这种刻意行为如同中了魔法，非常可笑。 整个散步的沿途，黄昏中几乎碰不见一个人。加之这地方本来就荒僻，一个人出没于其间的旷野，真像游荡的孤魂。如果碰上另外一个人，双方都会吓一跳。 最大的好处是，这样的时候这样的地方，不必装腔作势，完全可以放浪无形，随心所欲。大部分时里，我都是一路高歌而行，并且手舞足蹈。自己随心编几句词，“谱”上曲调，所复吟唱，或者把某首著名的柯恣意歪曲，改变成另一种自己乐意的曲调。记得唱得最多的是一首毛泽东诗词改编的歌贡《沁园春·雪》。接下来，发生了两个“危机事件”。 首先是刮胡子刀片。我一脸“匈奴式”胡须，每天早晨都得刮脸，但只带了一个刀片——原想煤矿肯定能买到这类生活日用品，没想到这里缺这东西。可把人整苦了。这个刀片勉强用了十几次后，每刮一次都很艰难，非得割几道血口子才算了事。只好停止了这种痛苦。 但是几天不刮，胡须长得很长，不考虑美观，主要是难受。后来只好每个星期抽点时间，串游着河岸边摆摊的剃头匠那里专意刮一次胡须。另外，我的纸烟眼看就要抽完了，原来安顿好买烟的人却迟迟不能把烟捎来。这是一个真正的危机。 对我来说，饭可以凑合着吃，但烟绝不可以凑合抽。我要抽好烟，而且一个时期（甚至几年）只固定抽一个牌子的烟。我当时抽动南玉溪卷烟厂出的四盒装“恭贺新禧”牌。 任何意志坚强的人都有某种弱点，都有对某种诱惑的不能抗拒。烟就是一种专门征服人意志的强大武器。 我记得当年和柳青接触时，严重的肺心病已经使他根本不能再抽烟。但坚强的老汉无法忍受这个生活的惩戒，他仍然把纸烟的烟丝倒出来，装上一类似烟叶的东西，一本正经地在抽。每次看见他貌似抽烟的神态，都忍不住想笑。 另一位作家杜鹏程（写此文时他刚逝世——愿他灵魂安息），当时也因病而停止了抽烟，并且受到了老伴的严密监视。但他有时忍受不了，会跑到我的宿舍来偷偷抽。正抽着，突然发现老伴走来，赶忙给我做个鬼脸，把烟在鞋底下擦灭，嘻笑中一脸惊慌地对我说：“文彬来了！” 作家王汶石我认识他时，他已经真正戒掉了烟（也是患肺气肿）。但据说戒烟时所下的决心之大，几乎待于是一次和命运的搏斗。另人戒烟是把扔掉或藏起来，听说王汶石当年戒烟是把所有的好涸都拿出来放在显眼而且随手可取的地方，看自己能不能被烟引诱。有一次危险到下意识中已把一盒烟剥开了，但还是忍住没抽。对于一个半夜起来小便后还要抽几支烟才能入睡的人，此等折磨的严重就可想而知了。一个半夜起来小便后还抽几支烟才能入睡的人，此等折磨的严重就可以想而知了。我最少在目前还没意志皈依不吸烟者的行动。 没有烟，我会“一事无成”。 眼看烟已到山穷水尽的程度，慌乱惊恐如同一只将要丧家的犬。好在最后关头，烟终于捎来了。当时的心情就像一句弹尽粮绝的士兵看到了水、饼干和弹子同时被运到了战壕里。 写作中最受折磨的也许是孤独。 人是一个非常复杂的矛盾体。为了不受于干扰地工作，常常要逃避世俗的热闹；可一旦长期陷和孤境，又感动痛苦，又感动难以忍受。一般情况下，我喜欢孤独。 我的最大爱好是沉思默想。可以一个人长时间地独处而感动身心愉快。独享欢乐是一种愉快，独自忧（模糊的）也是一种愉快。孤独的时候，精神不会是一片纯粹的空白，它仍然是一个丰富多采有世界。情绪上的大欢乐和悲痛往往都孤独中产生。孤独中，思维可以不依照罗辑进行。孤独更多地产生人生的诗情——激昂的和伤感伤痛的诗情。孤独可以使人的思想向更脘更深邃的地方伸展，也能使你对自己或环境作更透彻的认识和检讨。 当然，孤独常常叫人感到无以名状的忧伤。而这忧伤有时又是很美丽的。我喜欢孤独。但我也惧怕孤独。现在，屈指算算，已经一个人在这深山老林里度过了很长一段日子。多少天里，没和一个人说过一句话。白天黑夜，一个人孤零零地呆在这间房子里，作伴的只有一只老鼠。