Chapter 41 On difficult days (2)

I finally made it to high school. I realized that this was a significant start in my life path.When I stepped into the gate of the school with my tattered luggage on my back, it was like a devout Muslim walking into the holy Mecca, my heart was full of solemn feelings. But it soon became clear to me that the difficulties I faced here were far more serious than I had anticipated.Of course, hunger remained a major threat—but that was not the only serious difficulty. I never thought that at the beginning of my new tragedy, it was actually caused by my ranking second in the county.It was precisely because my grades were among the best that I was assigned to the "top class" at this level - Class 64 (A).From then on, a series of bad luck began.This class is called the "Top Class" because it is composed of students who have achieved outstanding results in this year's entrance examination in the whole county.The school leaders clamored loudly and said that they would "eat more than drink", so as to increase the school's admission rate when they take the university entrance examination in the future, so as to compete with other middle schools in the whole region.It goes without saying that, for this reason, the pupils assigned to the class carried an air of distinct honor.

I was the only one who couldn't look up—let alone look up, I felt like I couldn't even lift my head up in front of my classmates.Except for me, who is the son of a farmer, everyone in this class is the son of a cadre—including the sons and daughters of many leading cadres in the county.Despite the generally difficult times in society at the moment, the gap between rich and poor is still too wide between me and these people.They have a national treasury to guarantee daily food supply; their parents' wages are enough to make them dress decently.Make people look like a high school student.And I, not to mention my hunger, in my shabby peasant rags, stood among them like a beggar!

At home, none of the neighbors was rich, so no one was ashamed of his own poverty.But now that there was a sharp contrast all of a sudden, it was obvious that he was too miserable.It was as if I stood in front of a mirror for the first time and saw how out of place I looked.I envy my classmates, how lucky they are in their lives.But I'm not jealous of them, I'm just sorry for my own shabbiness.I know it's not my fault - who wants to live a life of poverty?In this case, inferiority complex quickly enveloped my spiritual world.Most of the classmates in the class are still very enthusiastic about me.A few of them might laugh at my rotten clothes in their hearts, but they also have to respect another aspect of me: a hillbilly kid managed to make it to this "top class"!

However, I also worry that someone will bully me because of my poor side in the future, so my heart has always been heavy.My worries are not unfounded.It didn't take long for this to happen.Especially Zhou Wenming, the mischievous literary and sports officer in the class-it seems that this is a guy who has no mercy for others, but unfortunately I sat at the same table with him. Whenever I study by myself in the afternoon, I feel dizzy and dizzy with hunger, and I can't help swallowing.And my tablemate happened to be at this moment, took out the baked steamed buns made of mixed noodles or vegetable buns to eat (his father is the director of the county state-owned canteen), and started to munch and swallow next to me, smacking on purpose With his mouth open, he glanced at my larynx with the corner of his eyes from time to time; and he always managed to burp loudly after eating, and said to me: "Ma Jianqiang, you are so tall, you must join our class. basketball team!"

This nasty fellow!He knew that I was too hungry to walk, but told me to play basketball!One day, our whole class was working on the mountain behind the campus. In front of several female students around, he forced a mixed noodle steamed bun that he gnawed into my hand, with the expression of a wealthy old man playing tricks on me. A beggar. The insult was so presumptuous that I felt the blood rushing to my head from all over my body.I silently took this piece of dirty alms, and threw it far away in a stinking puddle!Zhou Wenming was stunned for a moment, a lock of light yellow hair was scattered in front of his forehead, and he stood there bewildered, not knowing what to do.At the same time I told him with my own eyes that if he openly took pleasure in my poverty again, I would never be kind to him.My deskmate has hated me since then, but he no longer dares to insult me ​​in public.But not long after, something even more unbearable happened again.

One day, a cornmeal bun that a classmate in our dormitory put in his rice bowl suddenly lost.The classmate quickly reported the matter to the head teacher. The matter quickly spread throughout the class, saying that there was a "thief boy" in our dormitory.Needless to say, suspicious eyes all fell on me again. Ah, by God, I haven't even seen that damned cornmeal bun! I know that people have a reason to suspect me: because in the eyes of some people, stealing a trivial cornmeal bun is probably only possible for a starving ghost like me!The disdainful gaze pierced my heart like a needle, making me feel depressed, and I became uncomfortable even raising my feet and hands.And that, in turn, made someone even more suspicious of me.God!Even I feel that, in the eyes of others, I probably do look like a thief with a guilty conscience!

People started avoiding me like the plague, and behind my back I became the center of their conversations.Later, even the students from other classes started pointing and talking about me. But to whom should I argue that the rice noodle buns were not eaten by me!I can only defend my innocence in my heart.The most painful thing is that they all talked behind my back, and no one said that I was a "thief boy" in front of my face. This was more unbearable than calling me a thief publicly.Every night, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, biting the corner of the quilt and sobbing secretly.At this moment, I really want to have a fierce fight with someone, so as to relieve the resentment in my heart!But I didn't know it, but at this moment, someone suddenly reported to the head teacher: I found cornbread scum under my pillow!

After hearing the feedback, the class teacher led several class cadres to check the "scene" quickly while I was away.It is said that I do have cornmeal scum under my pillow.Damn, my thief name is about to be implemented!But at the same time, someone also found that there were some buckwheat husks under my pillow. Everyone checked carefully and found that a mouse had bitten a hole in my pillow (I often collapsed from hunger and didn’t want to move. my pillow). The truth finally came to light: it was the nasty mouse that ate the cornmeal bun here, and bit my pillow along the way.Damn it!People are unlucky, even mice come to spoil them!

The matter is not over yet.Some outsiders who didn't know the truth heard the original legends, and they were not interested in getting to the bottom of this matter, so my "thief name" continued to spread among strangers.It is often the case in life that if a person is involved in a scandal, it turns out that he had nothing to do with it, but there is always some damage to his reputation. I have been living in such an atmosphere since I entered school for more than a month. All this is unbearable, but I can only endure it silently.I know that my personality is being trampled on in this way, not because I have bad conduct, but because I am poor!The pain has driven me like crazy.In places where no one is around, I twist and kick my two feet on the ground; fight with the wall with my fist; or run and jump in the wilderness outside the city, or hide in the deep valley of the mountain, like a wounded wolf Howl a few times!Ah, the hunger may be bearable, but the mental suffering of these creations is the most torturous!For others, this difficult time may only be a difficult time in economic life; for me, it is a difficult time both financially and spiritually.The period between having dinner in the afternoon (I only bought a bowl of porridge) and going to bed at night is too long, and I am often dizzy with hunger.

Hunger forced me to walk into the mountains by instinct. The area around the county seat has experienced one or two light rains, so the land is not as desolate as our hometown.See some green color near and far. I searched wildly in the land on the outskirts of the city: jujubes, wild vegetables, grass roots, and everything that was not bitter to chew, I swallowed them all.If I can happen to find a few wild sparrow eggs, it will be as happy as digging ingots out of the ground.I lit a fire with dead branches, and impatiently buried these precious eggs in the ashes, and often took out a few mouthfuls and swallowed them before they were ripe.

The solar term has come to autumn.Although the land is not very prosperous, it seems that there are always some harvests: melons, fruits, and crops, some are already ripe, and some are close to maturity.One can imagine the temptation of these things to a hungry man.But I always swallow my saliva desperately, far away from these mouth-watering things.I seek only those wild plants for my hunger--and these things, like water and air, belong to no one.Other than that, I will never go one step beyond the "Thunder Pond"!no, I can not!I have been looked down upon by others now, besides my innocence, what else do I have to support my spiritual world?If I really do something immoral because of hunger, not only others, but even myself will despise myself.When the sun is about to set behind the mountains in the west of the city, the wild vegetables and fruits have already filled the stomach.At this time, I was like a rich man who was full and drunk, contentedly walking back from the mountains on the outskirts of the city. I usually don't go back to school right away. I enter the county first, then walk through the stone-paved street, exit the broken city gate built in the Qing Dynasty, and come to the small river below the base of the city wall.At this time, there was no one washing clothes in the small river, and it was very quiet. I first washed the green sap of the wild plants that stained my hands and mouth in the water, and then lay quietly in the small stone nest on the bank. inside.Speaking of which, this small stone nest is really a good place.It's mainly good for one thing: lying in it, no one can see it.I jokingly call it my "villa" in my mind.Every time I have a full meal of game, I must come here to lie quietly for a while.At this moment, the stone slab that has been exposed to the sun for a day still retains a slight damp heat, and it is almost impossible to lie down on it.In addition, I just swallowed some wild things, and my stomach is not too hungry. This moment is so happy that I can burst into tears.I lay peacefully in this hot stone nest, quietly listening to the melodious sound of running water below; or raised my face, looking at the pure blue sky and the endless mountains under the blue sky.Before the sun finally set, it cast its orange light faintly and softly on the opposite mountain peak; and all the valley slopes between the two mountains were already immersed in shadow.Soon, the blush on all the mountains gradually disappeared from low to high.Immediately there was a brief brightness on the ground, and after a while, everything became blurred. I lay still and watched these changes in nature with a kind of detachment.It was not until the sky was completely dark that I bid farewell to my Garden of Eden with a feeling of reluctance, and walked towards the school under the cover of night.The reason why I choose to go back to school at this time is mainly because I am afraid that I will meet classmates I know on the road, and I am afraid that they will make wild guesses about me going out to "snack". Seeing the rows of brightly lit student dormitories from a distance, my mood was completely submerged in depression again.The fields are deserted, but all is dear to me; and in the midst of the noise I know how lonely I shall be.Every time, when I approached the school gate, I would stand for a while under the archway of the Confucian Temple on the far right side of the school gate.Because at this time, when the day students were going home, I was afraid that the classmates in the class would see me.I stood alone in the dark, watching groups of students pouring out of the school gate, chatting warmly with each other along the way, talking and laughing cordially, some even clasped arms in a friendly way, and turned to the brightly lit school. walk down the street. I stared blankly at the background of them going away, and I really wanted to cry!I silently shouted to them in my heart: Ah, dear students, I don't expect your friendship, but you also let me live among you equally!