Chapter 42 description of a struggle (1)

the vast sky hills from a distance Extending to the hills farther away walker's dress Swaying on the gravel road. Nearly twelve o'clock, a few people stood up, bowed, shook hands, talked about having a good time, and walked through the door frame to the front hall to get dressed.Standing in the middle of the room, the hostess bows to her guests, the folds of her skirt appearing unnatural. I am sitting at a small table propped up on three thin legs, sipping my third glass of liqueur, and looking at the small pile of dessert I have chosen, which tastes good. At this time, I saw my new acquaintance approaching. He didn't pay much attention to what I was doing, and said to me with a smile and trembling voice: "Please forgive me for coming to you. I was alone next door with my girl just now. In the room. Been there since ten-thirty. It's only been a while. Please don't take me for telling you. We don't know each other. Didn't we meet on the stairs? A word of kindness, and now I am talking to you about my girl, but you must—I beseech you—forgive me, I am so overjoyed, I can't help it. Because there is no friend here that I can trust -"

That's all he said.I looked at him with displeasure,--hence the taste of the dried fruit snack I was chewing--and said to his handsome flushed face, "I'm glad you think you can count on me, but I'm not glad you told me that. You yourself—if you weren't so perplexed—would feel how inappropriate it is to tell a man who's sitting here drinking wine by himself about a girl in love." After I said this, he sat down on his buttocks, leaned back, and stretched his arms downward.Then he folded his arms on his elbows and began to speak quite loudly to himself: "In that room—just the two of us—little Anna and I, I kissed her— —I—kissed—her lips, her ears, her shoulders."

A few gentlemen standing near guessed that a lively conversation was going on, and came toward us yawning.So I got up and said loudly: "Well, I'll go if you like, but it would be foolish to go for a walk in Laurenzberg right now, because it's still cold and the road is like an ice rink because of the little snow Just as slippery. But if you want to go, I'll go with you." At first he looked at me in amazement, with that big, red wet deer mouth open.Later, when he saw the gentlemen who were getting very close, he laughed, got up and said: "Oh, but it's better to be cold, our clothes are full of sweat and smoke, and I may be a little drunk, although Not much to drink; all right, let's say goodbye and go."

So we went up to our mistress, and when he kissed her hand good-by, she said: "Really, I'm glad you look so happy today. Your face always looks so serious and bored." The kind words touched him, and he kissed her hand again; she smiled. In the antechamber stood a maid, whom we saw for the first time.She helped us put on our coats, and then she brought a little lamp to light the stairs for us.Yes, the girl was beautiful, her neck was bare except for a black velvet band around her chin, which was loose, and she bent beautifully as she came down the stairs with a lantern in front of us.Her cheeks were flushed from the drink she had just had, and her mouth was half-open.

At the bottom of the stairs, she put the lantern down on the first step, took a shambling step towards my friend, put her arms around him and kissed him, and never let go.It wasn't until I stuffed a coin into her hand that she slowly let go of her arm, slowly opened the small door, and let us walk into the night. There are a few clouds in the sky, so it looks more vast, and a big moon hangs over the cold, evenly moonlit street.There is a soft snow on the ground. Walking is slippery, so only small steps are possible. As soon as we got outside, I was visibly excited.I lift my thighs with abandon, let the joints cluck briskly, I call a name down the alley, as if a friend broke free I run to the corner, I jump up and throw the hat high, and yell it catch.

My friend casually walks beside me.He lowered his head and said nothing. I wondered, because I thought he would be delighted not to have party people around.I was silent too.I just punched him in the back to make him happy, but I felt embarrassed and pulled my hand back awkwardly.I don't need these hands anymore, so I stuff them in my coat pocket. We just walked in silence.I listened attentively to our footsteps, unable to understand why walking in step with my friend was so unbearable to me.This makes me a little uneasy.The moon is very bright and you can see things clearly.In some places there were people leaning against the windows looking at us.

As we entered the Ferdinand Avenue, I noticed my friend humming a tune; it was low, but I heard it.I think it's an insult to me.why doesn't he talk to meIf he doesn't need me, why doesn't he let me be quiet.I thought angrily of the delicious desserts that had been left on the table because of him.I also thought of rum, and I felt a little better, almost proud.I put my hands on my hips as if I were walking alone.I was at a party just now, saved face for an ungrateful young man, and now I'm walking in the moonlight again.I do business during the day, meet friends at night, hang out in the alleys at night, and do nothing out of the ordinary.As far as its nature is concerned, it can be regarded as an unfettered way of life!

But my friend still walked behind, and when he felt that he was lagging behind, he even quickened his pace, and he pretended that it was all natural.But I was wondering if I should turn into a side street, since I'm not obligated to walk with other people.I can go home by myself, no one can stop me.In the house I would light the lamp in the iron bracket on the table and sit down in the armchair on the ragged oriental rug.When I thought of this, I suddenly felt weak in all my limbs.The thought of going back into the room again, and being alone again with the painted walls and floor--looking crooked in the gilt-framed mirror hanging on the back wall-- As hours pass, I always have a feeling of weakness in my extremities.My legs were tired and I had made up my mind to go home and lie in bed anyway, wondering whether to say goodbye to my friend as I walked away.But I was too timid to walk away without saying hello, and too weak to say goodbye loudly.So he had no choice but to stop again, leaning against a wall full of moonlight and waiting for him.

My friend approached with brisk steps, perhaps a little apprehensive.He made preparations, blinked, threw his arms sideways in the air, and thrust his black top hat head towards me with all his might, as if appreciating my effort to make him Just kidding here.I had no choice but to say softly: "It's very interesting tonight." I wanted to laugh but didn't laugh."Yes," he replied, "did you see that maid kissing me too?" As he blew the trumpet, he listened with pricked ears at first, and then held my right hand very gratefully.He must have felt my hand was cold because he let it go immediately.He said, "Your hands are so cold, that maid's lips need to be warmer, yes." I nodded sensibly.I asked dear God to make me strong and said, "Yes, you are right, let's go home, it's getting late, I have to go to work tomorrow morning. You can sleep in class, you can sleep Not good. You are right, we should go home." I held out my hand to him and said goodbye, as if the matter was over.But he continued my words with a smile: "Yes, you are right. Such a night should not be spent in bed. Just imagine how many happy thoughts will be buried under the covers if a person sleeps alone in bed. how many sad dreams will be relived in bed." He was delighted with the thought, and grabbed the front of my coat with all his strength—he couldn't reach it no matter how tall—and shook it willfully. He looked at me; then he narrowed his eyes and said to me mysteriously: "Do you know what kind of person you are? You are a weirdo." After he finished speaking, he walked away again, and I followed him, but I didn't I think, because I still think about what he said.

I was pleased at first, because it seemed to show that my friend guessed that I had something on my mind, which was not the case, but by his guessing I had attracted his attention.This situation makes me very happy.I'm satisfied that I didn't come home, it's rare for me to have a friend who lifts me up in front of those people without me having to fight for it myself!I looked at my friend with great kindness, and my mind was on protecting him in times of danger, especially from rivals and jealous men.His life is more precious than my own.I think he has a beautiful face, and I'm so proud of his sex, I share the kisses two girls gave him tonight.Ah, what a joyful evening!To-morrow he would talk to Miss Anna about it, of course at the beginning of the usual conversation, and then suddenly he would say: "Last night I was with a man whom you, little Anna, must have never seen." He looked—how shall I describe him—looked like a dangling stick with a yellow-skinned, black-haired head sprouting inappropriately. Small, very conspicuous yellow cloth, wrapped him tightly, because there was no wind in the night, so the clothes fit snugly. He walked timidly beside me, you, my dear, so kissable little Anna , I know you will find it a little ridiculous and a little scary, but I, my soul has long since disappeared without a trace because of my love for you, and I am happy to have him as a company. He may not be very happy, so silently He was silent, but those who walked beside him were excited. I was very happy with my luck yesterday, but I almost forgot to think of you. I felt, as if with the breath of his flat chest, the starry sky The hard dome of the sky is also rising. The view is widened, and under the fiery clouds, the landscape is endless, and it also makes us happy.—My God, I love you so much, little Anna, I love your kisses Better than loving the beauty. Let's stop talking about this guy, we love each other.

As we strolled up the pier, I envied my friend for the kisses, but I was also happy to feel that he was in my presence, as I was in his eyes, perhaps ashamed. This is my idea.But then my mind was confused, because the Moldovan River and the city across the river were covered in night.Only a few lights were on, playing hide and seek with the eyes looking at them. We stood by the rail and I put on my gloves because there was a cool breeze blowing over the water, and I sighed for no reason, as one might do standing in front of a river at night, and then I wanted to go on.But my friend looked at the river without moving.Then he leaned closer to the railing, resting his elbows on the iron bars and resting his forehead in his palms.I think it's stupid.I was so cold that I had to pull up the collar of my coat.My friend stretched, stretching his upper body, resting on his arms, over the railing.In order not to yawn, I hurriedly said: "Yes, it is really strange, only the night can make us completely immersed in memories. For example, I can think of such a thing now. One night, I sat sideways On a bench by a river bank. My head rests in my arms, and my arms rest on the wooden backrest of the chair. I look at the cloud-like mountains on the other side of the river, and hear someone playing a violin softly in a seaside hotel. From time to time, there are voices on both sides of the river. A train rumbles past with puffs of smoke."—that's what I said, desperately inventing bizarre love stories; brutality and rape were of course also indispensable plots. My friend turned his head nonchalantly after my first few words—I think he was just surprised to see me here. — said: "You see, it always happens. When I came down the stairs today, intending to take another evening walk before the party, I was surprised to find that my two red hands were shaking to and fro in the sleeves, Akira was very happy. At that time, I expected an affair. It always happens." He said as he walked, and he just talked casually as he observed a trivial matter. But this remark touched me very much, and I am very sorry that perhaps my tall figure would have offended him, and that he might have looked too short beside me.Even though it was night and we hardly met anyone, the situation caused me such pain that I had to walk hunched over so that my hands touched my knees.In order not to let my friend see my intentions, I just changed my posture slowly and carefully. I let him look at the trees on the protective island, and let him see the lights on the bridge reflecting each other in the water. This draws his attention away from me.But he turned around suddenly, faced me and said generously: "Why do you walk like this? You are stooped, almost as short as me!" It was kind of him to say that, so I replied, "Maybe so. But I find it very comfortable in this position. You know, I'm not in good shape, and I find it hard to straighten up. It's no small thing, I Walking very slowly—” He said a little skeptically: "It's just a matter of mood. I think you've always been up and walking; you've been alright when you're out with people. You even dance, don't you? No? But you're He who walked upright, now you can also upright." I made a gesture of refusal with my hand and insisted, "Okay, okay, I walk upright. But you underestimate me. I know what proper manners are, so I walk hunched over." But he felt that things were not that simple, he was dazzled by his own happiness, and couldn't understand what I said, so he had to say: "Okay, it's up to you." He looked up at the clock tower of the mill On the top of the clock, the hands almost point to one o'clock. I said to myself: "What a heartless man! How typical, how obvious, is his indifference to my humble words! He is so happy that he takes everything that goes on around them for granted, and that's what life is all about." The way people are in happiness. When they are happy, they see everything so beautifully. If I jump into the water now, if I am in front of him, on this gravel road under the bridge arch, the convulsions will tear me to pieces. Fragments, and I must honestly adjust to his happiness. Yes, if he gets angry—a man in happiness is dangerous, there is no doubt about it.—He will be like a highwayman Hit me half to death. It's sure to be so, I'm a coward, I'll be too scared to even shout.--My God! I look around in fear. In the distance, a coffee shop with rectangular black glass A policeman was walking up and down the gravel road before. His saber was a little in the way, so he held it in his hand, and walked with more dignity. When there was still some distance between me and him, I I could also hear his muffled cheers, and I was convinced that if my friend wanted to kill me, the policeman wouldn't come to my rescue. But now I also know what to do, because it is precisely when I am faced with a dire situation that I have great resolve.I have to run, it's easy.Right now, when turning left into Karlsbrück, I can run straight to the Karl Alley to the right.There are many corners in this alley, where there are black residential gates and open taverns, I need not despair. When we came under the arch at the end of the quay, I flung my arms and ran for the alley; but just as I was running into a small door in the church, I fell because I didn't see a step there. .There was a snap.The nearest street lamp was still far away, and I fell into darkness.A fat woman came out of a hotel opposite, holding a small smoky lamp, to see what was going on in the alley.The sound of the piano playing stopped, and a man opened the half-open door all the way.He spat heavily on the steps, squeezed the woman's chest tightly, and said it didn't matter what happened here anyway.Then they both turned around and the door closed again. I tried to stand up and fell down again. "Slippery," I said, feeling a pain in my knee.But I was glad that no one in the hotel saw me, so I found it the most comfortable thing to lie here till dawn. My friend may have walked all the way to the bridge alone without noticing my leaving without saying goodbye, because it took a long time for him to come to me.Surprised as he bent down sympathetically and touched me with his soft hands, I ignored him.He stroked my cheeks back and forth, then put two fat fingers on my low forehead and said, "You hurt from the fall, didn't you? The road is slippery as hell, you gotta be careful—your head hurts." No? Oh, the knee hurts. That's how it is." He spoke in a singing voice, as if he were telling a story, a very interesting story of a knee hurt far away.His arms were moving too, but he didn't even try to lift me up.I rested my head on my right hand, and put my elbow on the gravel, and said hastily— lest I forget the words—: "I don't know why I turned to the right. But I'm under the tree in this church— I don't know the name of the tree, oh, excuse me - saw a cat running. A very small cat with shiny fur, so I saw it. - Oh, no, no, excuse me, but During the day, man has enough power to restrain himself. Sleep is to strengthen this power, but if we don't sleep, we will inevitably do such meaningless things, but it is not polite if our company makes a fuss about it .” My friend put his hands in his pockets and looked at the empty bridgehead, then at the cathedral and the clear sky.He didn't hear me, so he said worriedly: "Yes, why don't you talk, my dear; do you feel bad--yes, why don't you get up--it's cold here, you'll freeze Well, we're going to Laurenzberg in a while." "Of course," I said, "forgive me," and I stood up myself, but my body hurt like hell.I swayed and had to keep my eyes on the statue of Karl IV to make sure I was standing.But the moonlight also shone in the wrong place, so that Karl IV also shook.I was amazed, I feared that if I lost my footing, the statue of Karl IV would fall, so my legs suddenly became much stronger.Later my efforts seemed in vain, because the statue of Karl IV fell down when I suddenly remembered that I was loved by a girl in a beautiful white dress. I did useless work and missed many things.What a wonderful idea of ​​a girl! ——The moon is so good, it also shines on me, I see that it is natural for the moon to shine on everything, so out of humility, I prepare to stand under the cloud column of the suspension bridge.So I stretched my arms joyfully to enjoy the moonlight. - Then I remembered a verse: I run through the alley like a drunk walker Walking through space with heavy steps I felt relief as I moved forward effortlessly with my lazy arms doing the swimming motion without pain.My head lies in the cold air, and the love of the girl in white fills me with a melancholy joy; for I feel as if I were swimming away from my sweetheart, and from the cloudy flocks of her place Mountain. —I remember remembering a happy friend who perhaps still walks with me, and I am glad that my memory is so good, even for such insignificant things.Because there are many things to remember.For example, although I have never learned it, I remembered the names of many stars at once.Yes, those are queer names, hard to remember, but I know them all, and I know them perfectly.I stretched out my index finger and called out the names of these stars one by one - but I didn't say a few, because I had to keep swimming and I didn't want to dive too deep.But so that no one would ever tell me that anyone can swim on a gravel road and that it's not even worth talking about, I speeded up, jumped on the railing and swam around every statue of a saint I came across.As I circled the fifth statue—I was swimming imperceptibly against the sidewalk—my friend grabbed my hand.At this time, I stood on the gravel road again and felt a pain in my knee.I forgot the name of the star, I just remember that lovely girl in a white dress, but I can't think of any reason to believe that the girl is in love with me.An overwhelming, well-founded rage against my memory rose within me, and I was afraid of losing the girl, and I labored to keep saying "White dress, white dress" in order at least in this way. Remember that girl.But it doesn't help.My friend was talking, getting closer and closer to me, and when I started to understand what he was saying, a white light danced softly along the bridge railing, past the suspension bridge struts, and then jumped into the dark alley . "I have always liked," said my friend, pointing to the statue of the saint Ludmila, "the hands of the angel on the left. They are so soft, and the fingers tremble. But from tonight, they are It doesn't matter to me, I can say so, because I kissed hands."—then he put his arms around me, kissed my dress, and put his head on my body. I said, "Yes, yes. I believe it. I have no doubts." As I spoke, I pinched his calf with my fingers, which he had relaxed.But he felt nothing.So I said to myself, "Why are you going out with this man? You don't love him, and you don't hate him, because his happiness is only in a girl, and she doesn't even know if she's wearing a white dress." So, this man doesn't matter to you - again - nothing. But he's not dangerous, that's been proven. You can go on walking with him to Laurenzberg though, because in this Good night, you've been on this road, but let him tell you what to do, and spend your time in your own way, so that—I whisper—you can best protect yourself, too.” Happy or proof of inability to live 1 ride With great agility I leaped onto my friend's shoulders, and punched him in the back with my fist, sending him to a quick gallop.He stomped reluctantly, and sometimes even stopped, and I poked him in the stomach a few times with my boot to refresh him.I got my wish, and we quickly penetrated into the center of a large, but unfinished field, and it was getting dark. The road I was riding on had a lot of stones, and it was getting steeper and steeper, but this was just what I wanted. I wanted it to have more stones and a steeper road.Whenever my friend stumbles, I lift him by the hair, and when he sighs, I slap him across the head.I felt how good an evening excursion was to my health, and in order to make it wilder, I let the strong wind blowing against my face blow us for a long time.Now, on top of my friend's broad shoulders, I intensified the jumping action of the riding position, grasping his neck with both hands, leaning my head back as far as possible, watching the changeable, weaker, slower than I am. Clouds that float in the wind.I laughed and shuddered at my bravery.My coat stretches out to give me strength.My hands were clasped tightly together, and I acted as if I didn't know that by doing so I would strangle my friend to death. I was hot from riding, and the sky was slowly being hidden by the bent branches of the tree I let grow on the side of the road, and I shouted to the sky: "I have other things to do, I don't have time to listen to love stories." Gossip. Why did he, the talkative love-chat, come to me? They were all very happy, and very happy if other people knew about them. Happy for the future life." At this time, my friend fell down, and when I inspected him, I found that his knee was seriously injured.Since he was of no more use to me, I threw him on the stone, and whistled to attract some hawks from the air, and they swooped obediently on him with sharp beaks, and protected him. 2 walks I continued walking without worry.As a walker, I am afraid of the hardships of walking in the mountains, so I make the road more and more flat, so that it leads to a valley at the far end. The stone disappeared without a trace as I wished, and the wind stopped, disappearing into the night.I strode forward, and since I was going downhill, I held my head up, straightened up, and put my arms behind my head.I love cedar trees, so I walk through them, and I love to silently look up at the starry sky, so the stars rise slowly and calmly, in their own way, to the open sky for me.I just saw a few stretches of cloud being blown by a wind as high as the cloud. On the opposite side of my road, at a considerable distance, I let a majestic mountain rise from the ground. It can be said that the mountain and I face each other across the river. The mountain is covered with shrubs and connected to the sky.I could also clearly see the twigs and twigs swaying on the tallest branches.No matter how ordinary this is, when I saw it, I was as happy as a bird swaying on the branches of this distant shaggy bush, forgetting to let the moon that had been hiding behind the tree rise, maybe it Getting mad at my delay. But now, the mountain is filled with the cold light before the moon rises.Suddenly, the moon climbed up by itself in a bunch of restless bushes.But I was looking in another direction at this time, and when I looked forward, I suddenly found that the moon was almost round, and it was shining brightly. I stood down, and my eyes were blurred, because it seemed that my steep road The mountain road leads to this terrible moon. But after a while, I got used to the moonlight. I observed carefully and saw how difficult it was for the moon to climb up the mountain. I saw that the moon and I walked face to face for a long way, and finally felt so sleepy that I couldn’t open my eyes. So far, I think that being so sleepy is due to being too tired during the day, but I can't remember what I did during the day.For a short while I walked with my eyes closed, kept awake only by loud, regular flapping of my hands. But later, when the road was about to slip from my feet, and everything was as tired as me and was about to disappear, I quickened my pace and tried my best to climb the hillside on the right side of the road in order to reach the high, breathtaking land in time. Lost fir grove, where I intend to sleep well tonight.Going fast is still necessary.The stars have dimmed, and the moon in the sky is slowly sinking as if in flowing water.The dark hills had become part of the night, and the road ended, uncomfortably, where I turned and descended, and there was the clatter of falling trees coming closer and closer in the woods.I could have slept on the moss, but I was afraid of ants, so I clung to the trunk of the tree with my legs, climbed to a tree that was still swaying even though there was no wind, leaned on a branch, and rested my head on it. On the trunk, I quickly fell asleep, but at this time, my emotions were fluctuating, like a little squirrel with its tail raised high, sitting on the top of the shaking branch and shaking gently. I fell asleep, without dreaming, and in a deep sleep.Neither the setting of the moon nor the rising of the sun woke me up.Even when I woke up, I consoled myself and said, "You were very tired yesterday, so go to sleep." Then I fell asleep again. Although I was not dreaming, my sleep was not without constant minor disturbances.All night long I heard someone talking beside me.Except for a few words such as "a bench by the shore", "a mountain covered in clouds and mist", "a train puffing out smoke", I can hardly hear what is said, only the way these words are emphasized; I remember rubbing my hands together in my dream because I was asleep and didn't have to decipher every word. Before midnight, the voice was cheerful and unbearable.I trembled because I felt that someone was sawing down my already wobbly tree. —after midnight, the voice became serious and faded away, with pauses between sentences, as if the voice were answering questions I hadn't asked.Now I felt more comfortable, and dared to stretch my limbs--towards dawn, the voice became more and more genial.The speaker's bivouac seemed no safer than mine, for I now found him talking on a branch beside me.I took courage and lay down with my back to him.This obviously distressed him, for he stopped talking and remained silent until morning with a soft sigh—for I was quite unaccustomed to his voice— wake me up. I saw the cloudy sky not only above my head, but even surrounding me from all sides.The cloud skimmed low and heavy over the swamp, hitting the trees and being smashed to pieces by the twigs.Sometimes a little cloud came to the ground, or was carried between the trees, until a gust of wind came and drove them away.Most carried fir cones, broken branches, billows of smoke, dead animals, flags, weathercocks, and many other unnamed things, flying them far away. Crouching on my branch, I had to figure out how to push away the threatening cloud, or, if the cloud was wide, dodge it.It was a laborious task for me, who was half awake and half asleep, and felt disturbed by the sound of groans that I often heard.But I was amazed to find that the more secure I was, the higher and farther the sky rose, until at last, after my last yawn, the place where the night was under the rain clouds became clearly visible. My field of vision suddenly became so wide that it frightened me.I wondered why I came here, I don't know the way here.I feel as if I came here in a dream, and I didn't realize the horror of my situation until I woke up from the big dream.Fortunately, I heard a bird chirping in the forest at this time, and I remembered that I came here for fun, so I was relieved. "Your life is tedious," I said aloud, to convince myself, "that it is necessary to take you out for a walk. You can be content, it's interesting here. The sun is out. The sun came out, and in the blue sky, the rain clouds were whitish, lighter, and smaller.They glistened and churned.I saw a river in the valley. "Yes, it's monotonous, and you deserve it," I continued, as if forced to say, "but it's not dangerous." I heard someone sigh right next to me. I was about to climb down quickly, but the branches shook like my hands, so I fell straight down.I was barely bruised and felt no pain, but I felt so weak and downcast that I pressed my face to the ground in the woods because I couldn't bear the strain of looking at things in the ground around me.I believe that any action and any thought are forced out, so it is better not to make such efforts.In contrast, lying on the grass with your hands by your side and your face hidden is the most natural thing to do.I persuaded myself that I should be happy that I was in such a leisurely situation, otherwise, to achieve this situation, it would be as laborious and convulsive as walking and talking. But not long after I lay down, I heard someone crying.The crying was very close to me, so it annoyed me a lot.I was so angry that I even started to wonder who was crying.But as soon as he thought about it, he turned pale with fright, turned over suddenly, and rolled from the hillside into the dust of the road with pine needles all over his body.Although my dusty eyes saw things as hallucinations, I immediately ran down the road in order to finally get rid of all the ghostly people. I was out of breath from running, and lost self-control in confusion.I see my legs strutting, but I can't stop it, because my arms are swaying back and forth as I do when I'm going out politely, and my head is swaying too.Still, I tried to calmly and desperately search for a remedy.这时我想起了那条河，它肯定就在附近，与此同时，我也欣喜地发现一条拐向旁边的窄路，我在草地上跳了几跳之后，这条路把我引到了岸边。 河很宽，河中响亮拍击的小浪被月光照得很亮。对岸的灌木后来变成了草地，在灌木后边的远处，可以看见通往绿色小山的果树大道。 看到这派景色我感到很惬意，我躺了下来，用手堵住耳朵以免听到可怕的哭泣声，我想，在这儿，我可以知足了。因为这儿又偏僻又美丽。在这儿生活不需要多少勇气。这里也会像别处一样有烦恼，但不必进行大规模的活动。这不必要。因为这里只有群山和一条大河，我有这样的聪明，足可以把它们看作是无生命的东西。是的，如果晚上我独自一人踉踉跄跄走在陡峭的草地的路上，我不会比大山更孤独，只不过我的感觉如此。不过我认为，这种孤寂的感觉也会消失。 就这样，我和未来的生活进行着一场赌博并且顽固地试图将它遗忘。这时，我眯起眼睛朝天空望去，天空已染上了一种非同一般的美好的色彩。好久都没有见到如此的景象了，我很激动，想起了我曾经也认为看到过如此景象的那些日子。 我把两手从耳朵上松开，伸展手臂，将两臂放到草丛上。 我听见远处有人低低地抽泣。起风了，我先前从未看到的大片大片的干树叶沙沙作响，到处飞扬。尚未成熟的果实纷纷从树上落下。山的后面升腾起丑陋的云。河里的浪拍打着，遇风而退。 我很快站起身来。我的心阵阵作痛，因为现在从我的苦闷中摆脱出来显然是不可能了。我已经打算转身离开此地，回到从前的生活方式去，这时我突然想到：“在我们这个时代，竟还有高贵的人以这种艰难的方式渡河，这是多么奇怪啊。这是一种老的习俗，对此只能作如此解释。”我摇摇头，感到不可思议。 3胖子a对风景的致词 对面的灌木从中突地走出四个裸身男子，肩上扛着一副木质担架。上面有个以东方人的坐姿盘坐着的肥佬。虽然他被人抬着穿过无人开道的灌木，但他并不把多刺的枝条推开，他那一动不动的身体安稳地在丛生的荆棘中穿行。那一身有皱纹的肥肉平平整整地铺展开来，虽然把整个的担架都盖住了，并且像一条黄地毯贴边似的从两边搭拉下来，却并不碍他的事。他那没有头发的脑袋很小，发着黄色的亮光。他的面部表情单一，是那种正在沉思并且毫不掩饰自己沉思的人的表情。直到现在，他一直闭着眼睛；他睁开眼睛时，下巴就变开了形。 “景致干扰我的思索，”他轻声地说，“它就像狂奔的激流中的链式吊桥，使我的思绪摇摆不定。景色很美，因此它要人观赏。” “我闭上双眼说：河边的青山，你的山石滚向流水，你很美。” “但山并不满足，它要我在它面前睁开眼睛。” “但要是我闭着眼睛，我会说：山，我不爱你，因为你使我想起了云、夕阳和正在升腾的天空，而我一想起这些就难过得几乎要哭，因为坐在一顶小轿子里让人抬着走的人永远也到不了它们那里。诡计多端的山啊，你让我看这些景色，便挡住了使我开心的远眺视野，因为远眺能显现出目力所及中可以到达的东西。因此我不喜欢你，河边的山，不，我不喜欢你。” “但要是我不睁开眼睛说话，这一番话就像从前我说的话一样，对山来说无所谓。不然它就不满意了。” “我们不必和它那么友好相处，以便它，这个对我们的脑浆有着如此执着厚爱的大山能在我们面前矗立起来。它会把那锯齿形的山影洒到我的身上，会不吭一声地把光秃秃的山壁推到我的面前，我的轿夫们将被路上的碎石绊倒。” “然而，如此自负、如此强求而报复心又如此之重的岂止是山，其它的一切莫不也是如此。这样一来，我就得双目圆睁——噢，两眼生痛——一个劲地重复着： “是的，大山，你很美，你西山坡上的树木使我喜欢。——我对你，花儿，也感到满意，你的玫瑰使我的灵魂欣喜。——你，地上的草，你长得又高又壮，使人凉爽。——你，陌生的灌木，你给人以如此出其不意的刺痛，使得我们能进行跳跃式的思索。——而你，河流，我这么喜欢你，因此让人抬着渡过你弯曲的流水。” 他几次谦恭地移动着身子，高唱了十遍这首颂歌之后，便垂下了头，闭着眼睛说道： “可现在——我请求你们——大山、鲜花、草丛、灌木和河流，给我一点空间，使我能够呼吸。” 这时，在低垂的云雾后面，互相紧靠着的周围的群山忙不迭地移动起来。林荫大道虽然还固守在那里，费力地护卫着马路的宽度，但它也早已变得模糊起来：在太阳出升以前，天空上现出一朵潮湿的略带透明边缘的云雾，在它的遮蔽下，这块土地在往下深陷，而所有的一切都失去了其美妙的界线。 可以听见抬轿人的脚步声一直传到我这边的河岸，不过，在这黑暗的四边形地带，我却一点也不能仔细地分辨他们的脸庞。我只能看见他们的身子倾到一边，弯着脊背，因为他们的重负非同寻常。我为他们担忧，因为我发现他们已疲备不堪。因此我目不转睛地看着他们走进岸边的草丛，接着迈着总还算稳健的步伐穿过潮湿的沙地，一直看着他们陷入泥泞的芦苇丛中，后面两个轿夫的腰弯得更低，以便保持轿子的平稳。我紧握双手。现在他们每迈一步都得高抬脚板，以至于在这个多变的午后清冷的空气中，他们的身子已是汗流浃背，全身发亮。 胖子稳稳地坐着，两手放在大腿上；前面两个轿夫走过之后，芦苇杆的长尖会弹起来划到他的身上。 轿夫离河越近，动作越不协调。轿子时不时地晃动着，好像行走在水波浪尖之上。他们得跳过芦苇中的小水坑，要是水坑很深，还得绕道而行。有一次，野鸭咕咕地叫着飞身而起，径直冲向雨云。这时我稍微挪动了一下，看到了胖子的脸，它充满了不安。我站了起来，匆忙而笨拙地越过那将我和河水分开的多石的山坡。我没注意到这样做很危险，我只想着，要是他的仆人抬不动，我就帮胖子一把。我想也不想就跑了起来，以至到了下面的河边也没能停住，而是往水花四溅的河里跑了一截，直到水没到膝盖才打住。 那边，仆人们歪歪斜斜地把轿子抬到水中，他们一只手浮在不平静的水面，另外几支多毛的手臂把轿子撑高，那非同一般的隆隆凸起的肌肉清楚可见。 起先河水拍打着他们的下额，然后升到嘴边，轿夫的头向后扬起，担架落到了肩膀上。水已齐到了他们的鼻梁，虽然他们还没走到河的中间，可他们并不放弃自己的努力。这时一个低浪打在前边两个人的头上，四个人默不作声地喝了好几口水，轿子随着他们粗大的手臂往下沉。他们倒下去时水又灌了上来。 这时，大块的云边现出了夕阳平和的光芒，使目力所及之内的丘陵和山脉更加美丽，而云彩下的河流和土地倒显得模糊起来。 面向奔腾的河水，胖子慢慢地转过身来，他就像一尊多余的、因而被人丢弃到河里的木质神像一般顺流而下。他在雨云的反照之下前行。长长的云拖着他，小块的卷云推着他，从拍打在我腿上和岸边岩石的浪花中，可以感到水里现出的明显动荡。 为了能够在路上陪伴胖子，我重又迅速地爬上斜坡，因为说真的，我喜欢他。也许我可以了解一些这块看上去颇为安全的地段的危险性。因此我便走在一条沙土地带，不过要在上面走，先得习惯它的狭窄才行，我把手放进口袋，把脸转向右臂弯，面向河水，这样下巴几乎靠到了肩头。