Chapter 3 glowing little red

"I'm already old." He kept rubbing his head, and the hair that had been moussed was messed up. Soon, a tear like yellow mud rolled out of the deep fold under his eye socket.At yesterday’s interview meeting, he wore a thick gold necklace and a diamond ring the size of a pigeon’s egg. He glanced at all living beings as if I was raising you, and said to me: "I know you are a gambler." The poor dog curled up in front of me, repeating that he was old.I think I'm the fucking old one. He said: "This incident is still unbelievable, but it really happened." Then he told me about it.

Twenty years ago, the sky was rougher than it is now, and the whole society was full of ostentation. I was a thin poet, and I raised myself poor and stubborn, but when I finally got a lot of money accidentally dropped, I still fell into it.Ningbo businessman Hu Haiyun sent a driver all the way to pick me up just because he saw a long poem of mine in "Poetry" and asked me to write a biography for him.I promise. This is one horrible driver.He is short and thick, with a scar on his right eyelid, his black and yellow face is pitted, as if many flesh worms are about to come out at any time, and there is a spot of baldness on the back of his head.Without saying a word, he knocked on the door of my house.I asked if it was sent by Mr. Hu, he nodded, and then took me at a gallop.He has been focusing on steering the steering wheel, looking ahead, and no matter what I say, he will only say "hmm" slowly.If it wasn't for the grandeur of the vehicle, I would have thought he was dragging me to the slaughterhouse to kill me silently.

Mr. Hu's manor was built in the countryside far away from the sea, surrounded by a mountain. The dam on the mountain steadily divided the rushing water into five channels, released from the pipe carved into the shape of a dragon's mouth, and fell into the pool below.There are a lot of green bamboos planted in the garden.At night, the colorful lights on the glazed tiles are lit up, together with the French street lights, making the paths among the bamboos look like a dream.Walk along the stone path and cross the arch bridge, and you will find an amphitheater half the size of a court.You can play movies, hold dance parties, or gather to gamble.It was there that my whole life began to unravel.

I thought that Mr. Hu would be as warm as he was on the phone, and came out to greet me from afar, but before arriving at his office, I was ordered to wait for a while.About twenty minutes later, he saw off the guests and shook my hand by the way. "I'm—" Before I finished introducing myself, he let go of his hand, turned around and said, "Juan, greet him." Then he walked back to the office.This made me leave almost immediately.These bosses are like this. They are used to arranging anyone as a pawn. Once the negotiation is made, there is no respect at all.But I still followed his female secretary.I had to convince myself that I was here to make a fortune that would support me for five years.Sure enough, there was a 50,000 yuan deposit and three packs of Zhonghua cigarettes in the study room, and of course there were a bunch of report materials about him and Red Sandalwood.

"You eat and live here, and you can write whenever you want," she said, and left.She was wearing a white customs shirt (with soft epaulets), a short blue tie, and no bra.Because she is a woman who breathes and speaks rapidly, her nipples always protrude on a large scale.When she turned to leave, her long legs under the skirt moved like a leopard, and her high heels were rhythmically nailed to the tiled floor.If it wasn't for his arrogance stained in her eyes and a lot of powder on her face, she must be a lovely woman.Lure the enemy deep and keep people thousands of miles away, I think so.

The second time I saw Mr. Hu was in the cafeteria.I've been eating here all the time, thinking it's a place where servants are arranged to eat, but I realized it was his forbidden place when I saw it today.He took the hand of the editor-in-chief of the local daily, and introduced that the giant painting in the hall was by Zhang Daqian.After entering the box, we saw that the walls were covered with photos of him with various celebrities, one of whom said it was quite disturbing. "The seat you are sitting now is the seat he was sitting at that time." Mr. Hu said.The editor-in-chief jumped up and was pushed down by Mr. Hu.

It's hard to imagine that these bird's nests and abalones are also made by that vulgar chef. He usually makes me some ordinary rice bowls.Mr. Hu patted the chef on the shoulder and said, "This is my office for many years." This is just like the cigarettes Mr. Hu smokes, and it is still an eight-pack of big front doors. "Lovely." The editor-in-chief said with a thumbs up. "It's easy." Mr. Hu said, putting his hand on the female secretary's neckline, "But this one is better as a new one." The female secretary knocked his hand off.But when I squatted down to pick up the chopsticks, I saw her hand in his unzipped pants, swimming like a snake.Later, I finally said: "Mr. Hu, if we have time, can we chat?"

"What are you talking about?" "I have to talk to you when I write my biography." "You can make it up whatever you want, don't ask me." With a big wave of his hand, he put it on the editor-in-chief's shoulder, laughing loudly, and the latter laughed apologetically even though his hair was creepy.I don't know what they are laughing at, so I thought I'd make it up, but let it go.But he seemed to guess it, pointed at me and said, "If you don't make it well, I won't give you the remaining fifty thousand." I don't want the deposit anymore." But my eyes were obviously bulging because of my injured self-esteem, and my face was also red.The driver patted me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you so ignorant?" He said it very seriously, as if he wanted to suppress me to death.This is the only sentence I have heard him say in the manor since then.I think he might have been from the underworld in his past and had a rough belief in loyalty.

When the National Day is approaching, I am used to the life here, and the task is almost completed.The layout of the manor began.Bamboo is tied with colored paper, flower pots are placed beside the path, and a stretch of red carpet is spread from the entrance to the amphitheatre.The driver drove a bus to pick up an all-female band. They wore black dresses and carried pine-yellow cellos, violins, and flutes. They spread out like birds and gathered again, sitting deep in the bamboo forest to play.Soon the bartenders, gaffers, and others arrived, making the place look like a courtyard for an upper-class gathering on the outskirts of Paris.On the eleventh day, the female secretary named Juan wore a red and purple cheongsam and held Mr. Hu on her arm. She stood at the gate of the manor all day long, smiling professionally like a hostess (this is the real smile in her heart, so it is more beautiful than ordinary people) Professional smiles have to be hard), welcome those distinguished guests who drive by themselves or are picked up by Master Liu.Some of them are in politics, some are in business, some are well-known in piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, or they live in mountain temples and are the spiritual fathers of many women.

And I dare not go to the counter to take a cup.If the bartender asks, I will definitely not be able to explain it. Speaking of which, I am a customer but more like a servant, wearing a slightly wrinkled shirt.I wanted to go back to my study to revise my work, but I couldn't stand the noise, and it was embarrassing to stand like this.It was the editor-in-chief of the daily newspaper who held my shoulder when he passed by. He didn't say anything, but only expressed with body language, don't be shy, you deserve it.I thus get a glass of wine like peach juice.I am grateful for this shelter from the elders.I leaned against a tree and drank quietly as he disappeared among the crowd.This wine has a lot of salt grains, salty, but it feels like a match has been scratched in the throat.I think it might be the ingredients rather than the wine.A young man who appeared to be only 21 or 20 years old came over, squinted and said, "You drink a Margarita."

I am silent.He flicked my glass with his fingers, and continued: "It's paired with tequila, it's for—" Then he withdrew his hand and put it in his trouser pocket, and the other hand continued to hold the red wine, with a weird expression. Smile away.When meeting an acquaintance, he pointed at me quietly, and the man's eyes followed, looking at the trembling wine in my hand, they looked at each other and smiled.So I thought the wine might have been fed to the dogs.That young man was called Suo Huan, he was handsome, with a high nose bridge, and every strand of hair seemed to have been combed with a top-quality comb.I think the more beautiful he is, the more frivolous he is, and the more angry I am.More inferior than this anger, I am full of misguided shame. The party has been going on, and when it seems to end, there is a new climax.Juan is like a red wild pheasant stepping back and forth among the black figures, and sometimes her voice suddenly becomes louder when she talks, and she smiles wildly with her teeth open.I think she is the one who blows the fire after it goes out and scratches it when everyone is silent, tired and content.Once, she nodded to the band in the distance, and a tuba blew violently. She suddenly turned halfway, crossed her hands in front of her chest, and remained motionless.This is her ultimate gig.She stands still, like Michael Jackson on a Bucharest stage, patiently waiting for everyone to deliver their next move (or series of actions) when their expectations are overwhelming.That must be wild and bursting.But at this time, there was a rustling sound all around, as if many mice were rushing past.It is the seated man turning his hips, the standing man trampling the grass. The last couple of guests are slowly walking down the red carpet.An elderly woman and a young woman.I felt like my heart was shot.The young woman was wearing a long white off-the-shoulder sleeveless dress and long crimson gloves. Her skin was whiter and softer than her clothes, like a cloud of quiet snow or a beam of light floating over.For a while, the woman next to her held her back, and we saw that the light cast mysterious shadows under her long eyelashes and high nose bridge. If it wasn't for her face trembling slightly, her left hand clenched her right wrist, and her chest rose and fell with rapid breathing, We may think that what we see is a sculpture that should only be seen from a distance.The person holding her hand should be her mother, or a servant, a guard, or a jailer.The latter has a hunchbacked back, with his head raised, his wide lips tightly pursed, and his rough nostrils exposed. He is looking at everyone vigilantly like a tiger, as if he knows who everyone is. The daughter always lowered her eyes and hesitated.This is the first time I have seen humility, even desolation, in a beautiful woman.A deep-seated sadness.It's like she owes everyone something, she has always understood that she owes it but everyone doesn't know it, she feels that she is not qualified to be with us.I seemed to hear her inner voice, like a desperate hand sinking into the sea, or a cry pulled to the horizon by a carriage, so I fell in love with her suddenly.I have great compassion and sympathy for such an unattainable her, and I want to hug her shoulders, protect her, and never let her go through the wind and rain.And the others, stupefied, collectively thirsty, feel that they have lived too long on earth, that it is a parched, contemptible land. Not far away, the music was playing sporadically. Juan, who was wearing a red cheongsam, with sallow skin and a good figure but had always been stiff, walked away angrily, as if she had done a few broken dance moves in a silent movie.Nobody paid any attention to her. "This is Xiaohong, my niece." Mr. Hu said, holding the young girl's hand.The mother next to the girl lowered her high head and put on a terrifying smile.When Mr. Hu let go, Xiaohong's hand flew back to the nest like a frightened bird, quietly shrinking behind her.She bowed to us.After a long while, everyone came back to their senses, toasted and chatted hastily, but they didn't know what they were talking about. Juan seemed to have been hit with a stick.When she reappeared, she gave Xiao Hong an extremely vicious look. She must have searched the other party with her eyes, trying to find a flaw, but she became even more frightened.She pulls Mr. Hu's arm and is thrown away (like throwing her into the mud).Then she slowly rubbed up on her flatteringly, and asked, "Do you still love me?" Mr. Hu looked at her with extremely strange eyes. "Don't you love me?" Mr. Hu left in disgust, and she stayed where she was crying.She realized that she was crying, and she still smiled miserably, but when someone comforted her, she suddenly burst out with inexplicable grievances, patted the table and cried, the noise was as loud as a demonstration.Mr. Hu asked from afar: "What's wrong?" She just cried.Mr. Hu threw the cup at the rockery, walked quickly, grabbed her hair, "Get out!" She struggled like a prey.He dropped her and stomped on her.As if he felt that his feet were not dirty enough, he rubbed the soles of his shoes on the ground several times, turned around and stepped on them again, until the cheongsam was covered with soil marks. "What are you fighting with my niece? What are you fighting with a girl whose parents divorced at the age of five?" he roared.It was this roar that made me understand why there was so much cowardice and sorrow hidden in Xiaohong's eyes.My heart began to tighten.At this time, Xiaohong was sitting in the distance, slowly fiddled with her nails through the gloves.She lowered her head, but knowing that someone was looking at her, she turned her head quietly, like a very quiet cat. After Mr. Hu left, no one dared to talk to Juan again.She crawled for a while, stood up, staggered and disappeared, and spent the next few days like a stripped bird with the whites of her eyes rolled back, neighing from time to time in the corner.Xiaohong tried to show affection (perhaps by passing by), and the nervous woman spat fiercely.Xiaohong lifted her long skirt and walked over according to the original rhythm. On the night of November 1, the band played slowly, and Xiaohong's photos from childhood to adulthood were projected in a loop in the center of the theater.Except for the last one, all of them are head portraits, all with expressions of guilt and sorrow.The last one is a full-body photo. Xiaohong is wearing a black ballet suit, standing on tiptoes, with her chest up and her head up, her hands hidden in the dense feathers behind her, standing in front of the camera like a full bow.With cups in hand, everyone walks around by street lamps, porch lamps, colorful lamps, and floor lamps, glances at them inadvertently, and sits down to eat snacks when they are tired.Suddenly, the rhythm of the music accelerated, as if a huge horse team flashed from a distant valley, and the sound of hooves approached more and more, followed by the rapid rotation of the projector.Xiaohong grows up again and again, and turns back to her baby time again and again.Everyone seemed to be whipped and stood up in horror, as if they saw musical instruments blown up one by one, and the machine burned violently because it couldn't bear it.Snapped.The lights went out, the music stopped abruptly, and the projection was frozen on the last photo for a few seconds before disappearing.It was deathly black all around, like a car slamming on the brakes in a tunnel, and there was heavy breathing everywhere. Tens of seconds later, with the same snap, a beam of light shot out from the rear roof like a cannonball, passed through a hand, and hit the white wall in the center of the stage, leaving a graceful black shadow.Xiaohong was wearing that dress, curled up on the stage with her head buried, and held up the hand that had lost the protection of the glove and was trembling like a small animal that came out to hunt alone for the first time.Speaking of which, this is really a good hand, as if it has been soaked countless times by warm milk or fresh mountain spring, and then baked by warm light to make it transparent, tender, smooth, white, docile, enchanting, sacred, and endlessly suitable at the same time.It can't be longer, and it doesn't need to be shorter. Only like this, it will penetrate into everyone's heart endlessly like a cool wind, grab everyone's soul, and make people feel neither pain nor joy. And cry.I have forgotten the name of the dance song, but I remember that every time it dances, it takes away our deepest expectations, and every time it falls, it calls us to a quiet funeral full of snow.It follows its master, hesitating, suffering, struggling, trying, leaping, and I believe it is because of her growing self-confidence (or total dedication to art) that these hands burst out with great miracles: as they glide past , A continuous, smooth light appeared in the dark sky, radiant.We are immersed in it, and when we can't let go, they suddenly open flat, and the light then runs up, making them luminous.But she was standing upright, her neck and jaw were twitching, and she was sobbing for a long time as if a basin of water had been splashed on her face.Then the lights faded, leaving our hearts to walk through endless silence. After a long time, when the lights and music of the past appeared, the applause sounded.There is no reward for everyone, but they can't wait to let their hands participate in this spiritual contract.How disgusting the driver looked at this moment, squatting in the corner pecking at a cigarette, coughing and spitting loudly from time to time, like a real deaf man.After a while, Mr. Hu came over, and people rushed over to congratulate him. One of them asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Mr. Hu said, "I'm going to talk about this." The loud voice went on to say: "I have invited so many relatives and friends here today, just to choose a man for Xiaohong who is worthy of her." Immediately there was a secret commotion underneath, Mr. Hu pondered for a moment, and said rather depressedly: " Everyone has a chance, including those I invite to work." The commotion broke out completely, and there were even whistles. "Everything respects Xiaohong's own wishes. I will give you a chance to get in touch, and I will give her a chance to get in touch with you. She will choose her life partner. She understands." He added, choking up unexpectedly, Like her real father.He emphasized: Don’t make promises lightly, if you promise, you must do it; what you should promise is that you can love her when she is young and beautiful, and you should also love her when she is old; you can love her when she is smooth , and should love her when she is down and down.I believe it is the deep tenderness rooted in blood and the reality of Xiaohong's unfortunate family that make this sophisticated businessman say such provocative and empty words.Although he clearly looked drunk.The men who came to the manor felt that there was nothing easier than this, and this was simply sending her out for nothing. "I emphasize everyone." Mr. Hu's words made the powerful and powerful people eager to move, and it also made me eager to try.I just have a humble gratitude to Mr. Hu for this opportunity without prejudice.I think if I can, I can serve him and Xiaohong for the rest of my life.But after only one night, I realized that for a precious treasure, it starts at zero yuan in the auction exchange, and everyone, including traffickers and pawns, has a chance. It can only be a few people. The next morning, I woke up to the sound of a loud radio.It was a familiar radio station playing the symphony played at the manor yesterday.The host said tenderly that it was dedicated to Xiaohong by Mr. Z, who is aliased.If there was only this one, I would think it was just a lover queuing up overnight to make a phone call, but for the whole morning, all the music played on the radio, including Bach, Mozart, and Tchaikovsky, were composed by this Mr. Z Point, from which I think of huge money and power. This is the horn.Those who watched each other and stood still were anxiously calling out.In the following day, all kinds of strange things were brought into the manor, including a black and shiny piano, a white dress more expensive than Xiaohong's, several boxes of exquisite ballet shoes, a model of a sea view villa and a golden key representing property rights.Once, a clumsy truck came far away, carrying a mountain range that looked purple and black because it was too red. People rushed to see it, only to realize that it was piled up roses.The fragrance from the stems and petals rushes in bursts, making people feel like being buried in the sea.I looked at Xiaohong nervously.Now I'm like the cleaner of a presidential suite, or the builder of a golf course, in the midst of being brutally reminded of my identity.From this comes anger.I am always waiting for the goddess to surrender to the worldly game of wealth.I never imagined that love, the only dignified realm that belongs to the depths of the human soul, could be interpreted so vulgarly and seem overwhelming.Those wealth owners are frantically adding chips.She is being negotiated non-stop.This kind of price will appear vulgar if it is reflected in one thousand or ten thousand yuan, but when it rises to hundreds of thousands or millions, which is comparable to the wealth of several generations of an ordinary family, it will make the heart less tenacious, and her nerves will become weaker. will be softened and broken.Just because her uncle is rich does not mean that she is also rich.Love is not only given by God to the poor, it also belongs to the rich, and this is how the rich express their view of love.I held my head and looked at Xiaohong in pain.Accompanied by her mother, she quietly walked through the manor, stroking the amazing gifts, holding her hands around her waist like a Westerner, and gently kneeling with a polite smile.I am always waiting to draw conclusions from her, and she has always maintained this slightly indifferent courtesy. Only one thing is missing. It was Suo Huan who tried to win.The heir of several rich inheritances, like a knight holding the rein, leads a milky white limousine into the manor.In the dark of night, two servants moved down the dull safe and opened it on the long round table, and all the ornaments, large and small, from all over the world rushed to shine.Every time one piece was taken out, everyone exclaimed, and when the last diamond ring, which was the size of a pigeon egg, was put out, the surrounding area was filled with astonishment and silence.It is the brightest star in the sky, emitting a brilliant and fragile blue light, like a deep still sky, or a porcelain vase standing on a cliff.It makes people unable to control their feelings of inferiority, and submits to it, which has twelve aspects but does not speak, like submitting to a real king. "It's from South Africa. I think it should only belong to Xiaohong." Suo Huan turned his head and introduced to Xiaohong's mother, whose eyes were dazed.This was the first time a pitiful expression appeared on this vicious face.She looked at her daughter pleadingly.Xiaohong was holding her hand tightly (she was wearing that crimson glove again), staring at it motionless, and after a while, as if she was greatly stimulated, a tear burst out of her eye socket.It's the same intoxication she had in the final moments of the dance.She loosened, and her whole soul was on the verge of falling apart due to greed and possessiveness.But she still insisted on walking away silently.There were low sighs all around, like a gust of snow blowing to the ground.Suo Huan's face was pale, but he immediately understood that it was a woman's reserve, and became happy again. I walked to the study alone.I have so many things to say to her, words that are dignified, strong, and affectionate, that even the exclamation point at the end of the sentence should be pronounced, but they can only be held back permanently now.This place does not belong to me.Shamefully, on the trail back, I also heard Xiaohong accepting a dedication from a familiar voice.The editor-in-chief of the daily newspaper fell to the ground, attacked every man in the manor who offered gifts, and then chanted love loudly.He sang exactly what I wanted to sing to her.This man is very old and has a family. I used to respect him very much, but now he is so wretched.I also felt that if it was me who said these words, wouldn't it be just as insignificant?And Xiaohong, isn't she obscene to accept these without any choice with a calm face?Then the editor-in-chief finally choked up, and I thought, what the hell is this world, why are people so cheap?Xiaohong's mother used her foot to push away the hand holding the corner of Xiaohong's skirt, and took her away with a humming sound.I went back to my room and wrote quickly, finishing my biography hastily. Early the next morning, I hurried to Mr. Hu's office with the manuscript, but when I walked out of the bamboo forest, I saw Xiaohong walking down the arch bridge.I wanted to retreat, but also wanted to walk over, but in the end I was stunned as if under a curse.With her head down, her brows furrowed, her face flushed, she was muttering softly, while her mother said loudly, "Why are you so disobedient?" She shook her head slightly, as if enduring great pain, while her mother refused Not forgiving, "How can you do this to your uncle?" The fierce look is like that of a bustard treating a young prostitute.That's when she raised her head.This face is just like when she first came to the manor, full of sorrow, like a patient suffering from a serious hidden disease, and her heart is deeply mired in the quagmire.I was once again shaken by this temperament, and my heart trembled endlessly.After they walked over, I suddenly shouted: "Everyone loves her appearance, but treats her as a plaything, why do you send her to the fire pit?" "Don't you like her looks too?" said her mother contemptuously.My nostrils were flaring, my breathing was labored, my eyes were blazing with anger, but I couldn't speak.Xiaohong looked back.The look in his eyes showed the meaning of scrutiny, but also a little gratitude, and he was hesitant when he finally took it away.Like I'm not trustworthy in the end either.But that's enough.I approached Mr. Hu and lied that the manuscript still needs to be revised, but when he asked how long it would take, I honestly said it would only take a week.He threw the draft into the drawer and said, "Okay, change the money." This made me regret it. For the next few days, I stayed by the side of the road or in front of the window, watching with worried eyes.Sometimes she walks all the way, sometimes she looks around.This look made me realize that we already have a contract in our hearts, and the only thing left is to step forward and talk.But how to take this step is tormenting me.I was helpless and blamed her wolf-like mother (how could Xiaohong find the love she wanted if she followed her like this), but in fact, even if she didn't follow, I couldn't get close.I began to lament my own cowardice.When I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror, I felt that this was self-indulgence.Not to mention wealth, but in terms of appearance alone, I am far behind Suo Huan. Even compared with most people in this manor, I have nothing special about me.What qualifications do I have to win other people's love? The evening scenery deepened the torment.The sky and the earth were blurred, as if many molecules had fallen, and the distant mountains turned a deep black. Behind them was the dark orange light of the sun, as if a giant ship was slowly sinking there.Only a day or two left.I walked up and down anxiously, almost having a nervous breakdown.At this time, Xiaohong just left a fat businessman and walked back alone with a large bundle of flowers. "Leave them." I was surprised when the words came out of my mouth.She took two steps back.But I seemed to be encouraged by this bravery, and continued to say: "If this goes on, you are just a part of their accessories, a diamond ring, a Pierre Cardin, a bottle of XO, or even a pet dog. It is worth showing off." Pet dog! They look for you as if they are looking for something to save face. When one day you lose face, they will ruthlessly abandon you like throwing a rag." She looked at me in surprise, He bowed his head and went around.I followed like a devil.That evening, everyone finished their rest and came out of the room to eat.I feel like my eyes are shot like dense arrows.Even such an invited servant, a poor outlander, burst out with ridiculous love, and followed closely the goddess of the manor.They must think so.She seemed to feel the same way, and secretly quickened her pace, even stepping up the steps leading to the living room in a bit of embarrassment. In the dark stairway, I stopped, vented my shame and anger, and said: "No one will pity you, no one will guard you for life like a father or a servant, no one." "Yes, no." She answered me and walked up quickly.Her voice was low and mournful, as if her entire vocal chords had been soaked in a slurry of pain.I'm sure she's not fighting back, but actually acknowledging that it's true.After her figure completely disappeared, I was exhausted, and it took me a long time to realize that I was scurrying along the wall into the cafeteria like a mouse.From today's point of view, this is all a reckless thing. I have cultivated her in my heart for a long time, just like her long-standing lover, so when I speak, it is like talking to the virtual her in my heart, but I don't know her in reality. Don't even know my name. I sat at the farthest table in the cafeteria (the place where the cooks will come to eat later), immersing myself in my meal, while the distinguished guests made loud noises, persuading each other to drink, and sometimes lowered their voices to discuss.I didn't know what the discussion was about, but I heard the laughter that erupted after the discussion was over, so I guessed that I was the joke.My face became hot from it.And just as I was about to leave, Suo Huan came over with an empty cup.His young eyes are tender and loving, and the corners of his mouth are filled with a kind smile.Everyone's suit is to cover up a certain limitation, but for him it is to show a fit body.He is so nice.He came, sat like a bell like a martial artist, and put the empty cup in front of me. "I can't drink." I said apologetically. "I didn't let you drink." He raised his arms and snapped his fingers.The people behind stopped talking and looked over.Then he called out, "Waiter, serve the vinegar." "What's the vinegar for?" This is probably the dumbest question I've ever asked.The cook hastily brought over a bottle of vinegar. "Fill him up." Suo Huan directed the cook to fill the empty cup with vinegar, then raised his head and said, "I heard someone is going to be jealous." My face turned red instantly, as if a lighted match had been thrown into it gasoline.This is a very naive offense, but I was completely hurt by this naive, and I felt ashamed, as if I had been stripped naked in public.Suo Huan has been looking at me quietly, like a scientist quietly observing the worms in the test tube, carefully observing every detail of my face, suddenly leaning back like a convulsion, the whole body is sifted, and a tightness is squeezed out of the throat laughter.He lost his strength in laughing like this, looked at me calmly again, and said, "I wish you success." If there was a knife at this time, I would stab him to death without hesitation.But I just sat and watched him bob back to his camp.They cast approving glances at him.I decided to get Xiaohong no matter what, so I took her hand and walked arrogantly through the manor.That's what I swore at the time.So he stood up, drank the vinegar, and walked straight out of the cafeteria. In the evening there is a dance in the amphitheater.The guests wore tuxedos and bow ties, bowed halfway, stretched out their talking right hands, and surrounded Xiaohong neatly like a bunch of crows.She sat upright, revealing her narrow shoulders and weak back, her hair was combed up, silver rings were wrapped around her bun, her earlobes were wearing dense green earrings, and on her long snow-white neck hung two necklaces, one large and one small .She looked bewildered.It was Mr. Hu who whispered in the past, and she escaped from her shyness and took one by the arm.The winner nodded and greeted all around, then raised Xiaohong's gloved left hand to the height of his ear with his right hand, and stepped back gracefully.The music played immediately, and the lights followed them closely.At this time, her expression was still hesitant.Afterwards, several people who danced with her received the same treatment. I didn't have the courage to go there, and the bottom button of my shirt fell off.I sat in the corner staring at her like a wolf, like a husband watching his wife dance with the soldiers in pain.Juan is by my side.During the day, she followed Mr. Hu all the way like a ghost, and the latter didn't even stop walking.Now she wears dark eye shadow, green lipstick, powdered face like a zombie, and crude earrings, smoking cigarette after cigarette like a dead person. After Suo Huan invited Xiao Hong, my heart sank suddenly.This slender man with a height of 1.8 meters and this fair-skinned woman were a perfect match. As soon as they entered the dance floor, the surrounding sounds stopped, and even those who were dancing consciously moved to the corner.Suo Huan is domineering, and with deep self-confidence he tries to amplify Xiaohong's dance steps, and the two are out of coordination.But when Suo Huan said something in a low voice, she followed his rhythm and echoed.It pains me so much.If you think about it dirty, it's like a woman who fell asleep during sex has woken up and is responding to him with more passionate movements than him.For a while they suddenly approached, he whispered to her, after parting I saw her smile heartily, her eyes were also close. "Since she dances so proficiently and smiles so openly, it means she is such a person at heart." I fixed my eyes on her face.At this moment, I am not trying to discover her debauchery, but only to shoot arrows of hatred and contempt.No matter which direction she spun, that malevolent gaze followed. She suddenly noticed the terrifying gaze and was surprised for a moment. When she saw me again, she no longer had that beaming look.She seemed to be hit, she lowered her head consciously, and always looked over worriedly.This softens me up.I know that I have already entered her heart, and she is afraid that this necessary behavior (dancing) will hurt my pure emotions and make me leave her automatically.That's probably what she thought!But when the song disappeared, when Suo Huan took her hand and left her on the dance floor, she agreed with almost no excuses.While waiting, she obviously turned her back to me, but she turned her head to give me a painful look, and one hand was on his shoulder.What kind of scene is this?It's like the willful and greedy Catherine Earnshaw in the novel, who is unwilling to give up the handsome, young, lively, and rich Edgar Linton because of vanity, and loves Heathcliff because of something deep in her bones.She feels that marrying Heathcliff is a self-deprecation, but deep in her soul she longs for Heathcliff to keep his love for her. Then the lights dimmed, and the church bells sounded from a distance, and a beam of light slowly fell from the sky like snowflakes, covering them, causing a halo of light like downy hair to form around the edge of her face.He politely took off her crimson gloves, and that hand once again shone like a light in front of everyone.A servant brought a Persian box. He put his gloves on the servant's wrist, then gently opened the lid, and let the thumb and index finger of his left hand carefully pick out the South African diamond ring like tweezers.Her hand trembled from the moment it was exposed, and it always needed him to squeeze it lightly. When he tried to put the diamond ring on her middle finger, it began to evade—it would be great if it pulled back decisively and gave him a slap in the face what.But after he bowed and kissed it, it became docile, like a bird curled up in his palm.The hand that had never been touched, touched, or shaken was now in the possession of a rich man, and I was so close, so utterly forgotten. He slowly put the ring on her middle finger.Her hands trembled again (this is a hand that trembled from excitement), and everyone saw the long wearing process.Suohuan patiently waited for it to be quiet like an elder, and finally fixed the ring at its root.People felt as if they had been whipped, but they still applauded.Suo Huan raised her head high and stared at the world, while she was dazed with tears on her face.This is sadness, I judge, this is the sadness that arises from excessive happiness.She just stood there, enjoying her sadness, just like enjoying today's moment decades later, enjoying the current sadness. All women are the same.In essence, they are all appendages of men, and they have been like this since primitive society.Without adequate access to food and water, they long for shelter.That's why they love the hairy ones, which mean strength to stand out from the competition.They like the known, mature protection, but they don't trust the unknown, unfathomable and beautiful possibilities.This is their experience.No woman wants to fight with a man.This is why we see many beauties marrying bald and fat men, preferring to be a plaything.It's all about security. Now she is crying for the diamond ring.Let alone a few million.And for a person like me, the annual income may not even be enough to buy her a dress.He patted her on the shoulder, trying to comfort her.But she cried mischievously more and more, so that her shoulders trembled obviously.Her mother and uncle stood watching them intimately.She stopped looking at me, and just when she might remember to look at me, she lowered her head again. "You have nothing to be ashamed of," I thought. The music played again, it was a cheerful and exciting dance music, and people rushed to the dance floor like children to the sea.I stood up, ready to run away.But at this moment, I suddenly saw Juan's eyes that were more vicious than mine, and she was muttering obscenities like a sea of ​​hatred.I reached out and she didn't respond.I simply squatted down and waited like a puking person, and I saw her wave her hand impatiently.That means what are you.I reluctantly said, "She's really contrived." Juan still flicked the cigarette ash with her head down, a tear fell on the ground and exploded like a flower petal.She had shed a lot of tears for no reason just now.I sighed, got up and walked away, but she suddenly grabbed my fingertips.Her hand was hard and cold, like a soaked log.I am neither excited nor shy.Her whole body was also like tofu that had been kept overnight in the refrigerator, exuding a stiff smell. I felt disgusted, but she still led me into the middle of the dance floor.People stopped to look, and Xiaohong saw it too.I didn't have to look at her to know she saw me.Although Juan and I were only temporary dance partners, at this moment, I felt like I was permanently on this strange and hateful ship, and said goodbye to Xiaohong forever.As much as I love Xiaohong, I hate this dance partner as much, but I stick to her like a piece of angry candy.We danced well, funny and savage, Juan slamming her limp boobs into me over and over while my claws tightened the lacing of her back.Mr. Hu stood in the distance, with a gloomy face, and the hidden anger seemed to stone us to death. How crazy and impossible to think about it today. Juan then kicked off the high heels and took me away with a ferocious smile.My body and mind also seemed to be filled with a pleasure of wanting to die.They watched Mr. Hu follow in amazement.He came up and pulled her away from me (perhaps it was better to say that I threw her to him).She twisted her body and was slapped firmly.I walked away in a hurry, sweating, and there was no shouting or crying behind me, and it was surprisingly quiet.When I walked into the dark, I turned my head, and she was already in his arms, beating his shoulder hard with one hand. The next day I sobered up all the wine, and I didn't dare to go to Mr. Hu's office because of fear and shame.But then I thought of a dignified way and bravely walked in.I told him: "The manuscript has been revised, and I don't want the remaining 50,000 yuan." "why?" "No reason." He looked at me meaningfully and said, "Young man." I thought he had something to say, but he didn't.He stuffed the money into my hand, sent me out, and said, "No man is trustworthy." I didn't know what that meant.On the same day, I returned to my hometown, which seemed to be a foreign land, in the car when I came.I seem to have fallen from a dream, and I will never go back to the manor with the sound of water. Later, Xiaohong lived in my heart like a mystery for a long time.I think she may be pure or secular; she may like me or not at all.It all depends on what conclusions I draw.I sculpt her.Sometimes remorse, sometimes resentment, and finally ashamed.After all, she would follow Suo Huan, live in a mansion, and gradually become meaningless. When she said "Why do you all say that I am not ordinary" one day, she was slapped in the face, and he said angrily: "I am really I don't understand your taste in men. Just like in the old days, you didn't spare even a poor poet." I felt that there was a debauched soul lurking under her calm face.In the end she plays cards, knits, bears children, sags, and ages forever. Time makes everything disappear. Twenty years later, when I came to Ningbo again, it was like I had never been here before.Speaking of it, it is only one of the 200 domestic and foreign cities that I have traveled to, and those years were just tiny waves in the sea.I have conquered many young women.They certainly have principles, even downright contempt for me at first, but as long as they keep pushing money through them, they crumble.Every time I stuff my penis into these distressed vaginas, I seem to hear the grand and dull sound of the building collapsing, and I feel a rush of pleasure brought by offending people.After that, all thoughts were lost.No matter how they please, it will not get better.One woman cried and said, "You think I care about your car and some jewelry?" I said, "Isn't it?" Another woman said with the same expression, "Why can't you Like me?" I grabbed her hand and said, "Look, your hands are swollen and rough, as if you have been washing dishes and washing clothes since you were ten years old." I am always accompanied when I come to Ningbo again.One day they took me to a construction site in the countryside.There is a long fence there, and now only the foundation of the wall remains, and a few bulldozers are parked inside the wall, and the land seems to have been plowed hundreds of times by oxen.If I hadn't seen an abandoned dam on a nearby mountain, I wouldn't have thought that this was Mr. Hu's manor back then.The mouths of the five dragons are still there, but there is no water source, so the corners of the mouths seem to be rusted, and they are very lonely.They talked about the past scenes here like legends, and I said I knew it.I didn't even ask what Mr. Hu was doing now.This is not the end of the world, life is about enjoying yourself in time. In the hotel where I live, there is a red carpet at the entrance, flower baskets, red banners on the lintel, and a welcome sign in the lobby.As soon as I entered, the women in suits or cheongsams bowed and greeted me with red lips and white teeth.The room is more than two hundred square meters, and there is even a rockery that can control the flow of water. Everything is very luxurious, so that the distinguished guests will not feel even the slightest discomfort.But hotels are always places where people get lost.When I was alone, time froze, like a drizzle pouring down from the ceiling, so I always went to the window.Behind the hotel, as if for contrast, stood a row of low red brick bungalows.Every house has a black tin chimney on the roof, dirty black grass curtains hanging at the door, and the Spring Festival couplets have been washed white.The doorway is muddy, with dense tire tracks.There are two trees in front of the door, pulling rusty wire. I look at these as if I don't see them.Maybe I stand here for a long time, just to push my fat belly against the wall and enjoy the happiness that only fat people have.One afternoon, the sky was overcast and the ground became hellish, gray and transparent.It might be raining, but for some reason a woman came out of the bungalow pushing a large water-red washtub with her feet.In the basin was a long white dress that was curled up, which didn't match her iron-gray hair, hard red face, and overly thick waist.She looked like the laziest slacker in the world, with her head down, slowly pushing the laundry tub with one left foot and the other right, and pushed it down the steps in front of the door.But when the wind blows I know it's not.The wind made her sleeves on both sides fly up like paper. When she stopped pushing the plastic pot, she stood there blankly like a tree.After a long time, she moved a little bit.A chunky man came back.He went straight into the room she had just come out of, and slammed the door hard.She still stood there, and gradually raised her face and cried silently.When she cried, I cried too.Never in my life have I had the urge to cry and bang my head against the wall while crying.I saw that she was trying to open her hands as hard as she did on the stage of the manor.as if they still exist. After a while, the man came out angrily, complaining harshly, and she stopped crying and kicked him.Unconvinced, he picked up the long white skirt and threw it on the wire stretched between the two trees.He didn't pull it or shake it, just tossed it up like a piece of trash.She walked up to the dress and stood there for a long time, with a sad and quiet expression, like a mother mourning her dead child.Her eternity is long gone, and now she is old and broken. When the man walked into the house again, I saw alopecia areata, and I felt as if a huge iron mound had been stuffed into my heart. "I can't believe all of this." He sobbed, "Xiaohong was so beautiful at the time, why is she still frowning every day? Why is her mother so anxious to marry her off? She even begged everyone? Couldn’t Xiaohong find it by herself? Does she still need a blind date? Also, why did Xiaohong marry a vulgar, old, ugly woman in the end? The driver? I couldn’t explain it clearly, and I couldn’t accept it. But after a dream, I suddenly understood—I think they, he, she, she, all understood the fact that she would be disabled today. This is the answer. And I was supposed to be the first to discover the answer to this mystery, but I left because of paranoia." He went on to say: "In that dream, I saw ginger. It had been dug out of the ground but hadn't been chopped open, it was yellow and black, dry, twisted, and scarred like a burnt palm. I saw Xiaohong naked Walking towards me, with sagging breasts, greasy belly, two elephant legs with varicose veins, no wrists, no arms, and there are these lonely ginger-like palms growing on both shoulders. This is the end of her. I have long I should see this ending. Only after seeing this ending did I understand why she didn’t show her hand in every photo in the past, why she was so radiant when she appeared in the manor, and why she cried in pain when she was so radiant? Why? Because of the curse. In the movie, Pinocchio longed to become a real boy and found the blue fairy. She agreed, but added a curse—every time he told a lie, his nose would continue to grow. And what Xiaohong received was The opposite curse, she grew extremely long hands from a very young age, and every time she grew up, the hands would shorten a little bit. Throughout her childhood, she wanted to grow up. She finally let it grow to the most suitable size, then It just happened that she was at her best age and appearance, and I met her at the most brilliant moment of her life. She was shining. After that, the law of the curse was still running, her hands grew longer and shorter, and finally Only two strange gingers left. Talking gingers. Like coral, dancing nervously as they came towards me. I can't think of any other way to explain this sad and terrible thing." As he spoke, he was infected by his strange thoughts, and wailed like a woman.Finally he said: "When I left the manor, I said to myself, 'Isn't it just money?' or 'If you get serious, you will destroy yourself!' Now I want to say to her, 'I still want to be in this world. The only one who takes pity on you.' Now I'm old, but I still want to try and buy her." "Crazy." I think I should talk more or less.