Chapter 6 governess

At the moment, only these two children are in their room.The lights have been turned off, and there is darkness between them, only the two beds are faintly whitish.The two of them were breathing so lightly that others really thought they had fallen asleep. "Hi!" a child said.This is the twelve-year-old girl.She timidly whispered to the other in the dark. "What's the matter?" The sister on the other bed replied.She is only one year older than her sister. "It's great that you're still awake. I...wanted to tell you something..." The other didn't respond.All I could hear was rustling on the bed.The elder sister sat up and looked at the bed, expecting what the younger sister would say, her eyes could be seen shining brightly.

"You know...I want to tell you...but you should tell me first, don't you think our lady is a little different from usual in recent days?" My sister hesitated, lost in thought. "Yeah," she said, "but I don't know what the hell is going on. She's not as strict as she used to be. I haven't done my homework for two days lately, and she hasn't said anything. Plus, she's kind of like that, I don't know How to put it. I think she doesn't care about us anymore. She always sits on the side, and doesn't play with us like she used to."

"I think she's sad and doesn't want people to know. Now she doesn't play the piano." There was another silence. Then, the older sister reminded the younger sister, "What did you want to tell me just now?" "Yes, but you can't tell it to anyone, really, not to anyone, not to your mother, and not to your best friend." "Don't tell me, I won't tell you!" My sister was a little impatient, "What's the matter?" "Well... just now, when we came back to bed, it occurred to me that I hadn't said 'good night' to the lady. I had taken off my shoes by then, but I went over to her room over there. You You know, I walked over softly and on tiptoe, trying to frighten her. I opened the door cautiously, and at first I thought she wasn't in the room, the light was on, but I didn't see her. Suddenly—— There was a big jump—I heard someone crying. Now I saw her lying on the bed, naked, with her head buried in the pillow. She was crying so convulsively that I wanted to curl up in a ball. But she didn't notice Me. So I closed the door gently again. I was shaking so badly that I had to stand outside for a while to gather myself. I could still hear her crying clearly outside the door, so I ran back quickly."

The two of them fell silent again.Then one of them said in a very low voice: "Poor lady!" The quivering voice echoed through the room like a dying note.There was silence again. "I really want to know, why is she crying?" said the younger sister. "She hasn't quarreled with anyone these days, and my mother hasn't been berating her endlessly, and the two of us must not have pissed her off. So what did she do?" Why are you crying so sad?" "I kind of understand it," said my sister. "Why is that, tell me, why?" My sister hesitated for a moment, and finally said, "I think she's in love."

"Love?" My sister jumped up in surprise. "In love? Who are you in love with?" "Haven't you noticed anything?" "Could it be Otto?" "No? Didn't he fall in love with her? Since he went to college, he has lived in our house for three years. He has never been with us before, and he has come here every day for the past few months. Why is that? Miss Before he came to our house, did he show any kindness to me or to you? But now, he is around you and me all day. We always meet him by chance, in People's Park, or in City Park, or In Pratt, we always ran into him wherever the lady took us. Did you really never find that a little strange?"

The younger sister was taken aback when she heard that, and stammered, "Yes... yes, of course I have noticed these too. But I always think, this..." Her voice changed, and she didn't say anything further. "That's what I thought at first. We girls are always so stupid. But I realized in time that he was just using us as a shield." Both are silent now.This conversation appears to be over.Both were lost in thought, or perhaps already asleep. At this time, the younger sister said helplessly in the dark: "Then why is she still crying? He likes her. In the past, I always thought that being in love must be very beautiful."

"I don't know," said my sister in a daze. "I thought so too at first. Being in love must be a very beautiful thing." Then, from the weary and sleepy mouth, a soft and regretful sentence floated out again: "Poor young lady!" The room was finally silent. The next morning they didn't talk about it anymore, but they both sensed that their thoughts were on the same thing.The two of them ignored each other, trying to avoid each other.But when the two of them looked at their governess sideways, their eyes met again involuntarily.At the dinner table, they observed Otto, and felt that this cousin who had lived in their home for many years seemed like a stranger.They did not speak to him, but, under lowered eyelids, they kept squinting to see if he was hinting at the lady.The hearts of the two girls are hard to calm down.They didn't go to play today, and they were very nervous. In order to find out the truth about this secret, they fiddled with some things absent-mindedly.In the evening, one of them just asked lightly, as if she didn't take it to heart: "Did you find anything else?"——"No", the other replied, and then turned around. go.Both of them seemed a little afraid to talk about it.This went on for several days.In silent observation, in roundabout detective work, the two children felt uncomfortably close to the flickering secret without knowing it.

A few days later, a child finally found at the dinner table that the female teacher winked at Otto quietly, and he nodded in return.The girl was shaking with excitement.Her hand quietly touched her sister's hand under the table.When her sister turned to look at her, she lit her eyes at her sister.My sister immediately understood the hint and immediately became uneasy. They were just about to rise from the table when the governess said to the girls, "Go to your rooms and play for a while. I have a headache and want to rest for half an hour." The two children lowered their eyes and carefully touched each other's hands, as if reminding each other.As soon as the female teacher left, the younger sister jumped up to her older sister and said, "Attention, Otto is going to her room now."

"Of course, that's why she sent us away!" "We should go to her door and eavesdrop!" "What if someone comes?" "Who's coming?" "Mom." The younger sister was startled, "Yes, then..." "Do you know, I have a solution! I, eavesdrop at the door, and you stay in the corridor outside. If someone comes, give me a signal. In this way, I'm safe." My sister looked unhappy. "You won't tell me anything then!" "I must tell you everything!" "Really, tell me everything?...Don't forget, it's everything!"

"Sure, personality guarantee. When you hear someone coming, just cough." The two waited in the corridor, trembling, feeling very excited, and their heartbeats accelerated.What will happen?The two children were close together. Hearing footsteps, the sisters immediately moved away and hid in the dark.That's right, it really is Otto.He grabbed the doorknob and closed the door behind him once inside.At this time, my sister followed up with a stride, her ears were pressed against the door, she held her breath, and eavesdropped on the movement in the room.The younger sister looked at her with greedy eyes.Curiosity made her uneasy, she left the assigned post without authorization and sneaked over, but was driven back angrily by her sister.She had to wait outside again.Two minutes, three minutes, she felt like a century.She couldn't hold back her restlessness, turning back and forth like ants on a hot pan.My sister can hear everything, but she doesn't know anything.She was so angry and anxious that she was on the verge of crying.Just then a door in the third room over there closed.She coughed, and the two hurried away into their own room, where they stood for a moment panting, their hearts beating violently.

Then, the impatient younger sister urged, "Okay... tell me quickly!" A serious look appeared on the elder sister's face, and at last she said very puzzled, as if she was talking to herself: "I really don't understand what's going on!" "What's up?" "It's a strange thing." "What... what is it?" My sister hurriedly spit out these words.At this time, the elder sister tried to recall what she had heard, and the younger sister came over to her, next to her, for fear of missing a word. "It was very strange...it was nothing like what I had imagined. I guess when he came into the room he must have wanted to hug her or kiss her because she said to him: 'Come on, I have something very important to talk to you about. ’ The key was in the keyhole inside, and I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear it pretty well. Otto went on: ‘What’s the matter?’ Really, I never heard him talk like that, you know , he usually speaks loudly, with a very carefree look. This time he was a little humble, so I immediately felt that he seemed a little scared. She must have noticed that he was lying, because then the lady was very Whispered: 'You already know that.'—'No, I don't know anything.'—'Really?' asked the lady—so sad, so sad— —'Then why are you avoiding me all of a sudden? You haven't said a word to me these eight days, you've avoided me as much as you can, you haven't walked with the children, and you haven't gone to the park. As for you, don't you Did I become so strange all of a sudden? Oh, you already knew that, so you suddenly stayed away from me." He was silent for a while, and then said: "I'm about to take an exam, I'm very busy with my homework, and I don't have time to do it Anything else, nothing else." Now she began to cry again, and then she said to him as she wept, but in a very gentle and kind voice: "Otto, why are you lying? You'd better tell the truth, you You really shouldn't lie to me! I didn't ask you for anything, but we both should make it clear about this matter. You know what I'm going to say to you. I've seen it in your eyes. out.'—'Say... what?' he stammered, very weakly. And then she said...' The girl shuddered all over from being too excited, and couldn't speak any more.The younger sister pressed closer to her. "What... what did she say again?" "Miss said: 'I already have your baby!'" The younger sister jumped up like lightning and said, "My child! My child! This is impossible!" "But that's what the lady said." "You must not have heard clearly." "Yes, absolutely! Otto repeated the words, jumping up like you, and shouting: 'Child!' After a long silence, the lady asked: 'What time is it now? How?' And then..." "What happened next?" "Then you coughed and I had to walk away." The younger sister was very disturbed, and said with fixed eyes: "My child! It's impossible. Where is this child of hers?" "I don't know either. That's exactly what I don't understand." "Maybe at home...before coming to us. For us, of course mother would not allow her to bring the baby. That's why she is so sad." "Come on, she didn't know Otto at all then!" The two were silent again, at a loss, thinking hard about it, hoping to figure it out.For this reason, both of them were very distressed.At last the sister spoke again: "Having a child, that's absolutely impossible! How could she have children? She's not married yet, and only married people can have children, I know that." "Perhaps the lady was married." "Don't be an idiot, okay, it won't be with Otto." "why……?" The two sisters looked at each other, at a loss. "Our poor lady," said one of them sadly.The two of them repeated the phrase over and over until it broke into a sympathetic sigh.During this period, the curiosity of the two of them continued to rise like a flame. "I don't know if it's a girl or a boy?" "Who knows!" "What do you think... if I ask her... be very, very... careful..." "You're crazy!" "Why? She is very nice to us." "Where did you think! She wouldn't tell us about such things. She wouldn't say anything in front of us. If we came into her room, they always cut off the conversation at once, and changed the subject in front of us, Nonsense, as if we were children, I am thirteen years old this year. You don't need to ask her, she always lies to us." "But, I really want to know about it." "You think I don't want to know?" "You know, what I don't understand the most is that Otto didn't know about it. If you have a child, you should know about it, just like everyone knows that they have parents." "He's pretending, this rascal, he's always pretending." "But he won't pretend about it. It's just...just...only when he wants to play tricks on us..." At this moment, the female teacher came in.The two sisters stopped immediately and pretended to be doing their homework.But both of them watched her from the side.Her eyes seemed to be red from crying, and her voice was lower than usual, and a little trembling.The two children were very quiet.Suddenly they both looked up timidly at the governess with great awe.It was always in their minds that she had a child, and that was why she was so sad.Thinking about it, they themselves became sad. At the dinner table the next day, they were very surprised to hear the news that Otto was leaving their house.He explained to his uncle that the exam was approaching, and he should hurry up to review his homework. There were too many disturbances here, so he thought of renting a house outside, staying for a month or two, and coming back after the exam. The two sisters were very excited when they heard such words.They guessed that there must be some kind of secret connection between all this and the conversation they heard yesterday, and with their keen instincts, they felt that this was his timidity and evasion.When Otto bid farewell to them both, they turned away very rudely.Both of them, however, paid great attention to the way he stood before the governess.The young lady's lips twitched, but she held out her hand to him peacefully and silently. These two children have completely changed these days.They didn't play, they didn't laugh, and their eyes lost the lively, carefree look they used to have.They are very restless and at a loss, and they have an extremely distrustful attitude towards all the people around them.They no longer believe what others say to them, and they see lies and conspiracies behind every word.They keep their eyes wide open all day long, watching people's words and expressions, paying attention to every move around them, capturing people's expressions, twitches on faces, and tone of voice.They are like shadow cats behind people's houses, they eavesdrop outside the door, always trying to catch something.They struggled to shake off the dark web of secrets from their shoulders, or at least to catch a glimpse of this real world through one of its meshes.The childish faith of the past, the happy, carefree credulity, had fallen from them.Afterwards, from the atmosphere that was oppressed and suffocated by these secrets, they had a premonition that the rain was coming, and they were afraid to miss this moment.Since they know that they are surrounded by lies, they have become tough, scheming, and even cunning and good at lying.In front of their parents, they pretended to be childish and innocent, and in a blink of an eye they became extremely witty and flexible.Their whole nature had turned into nervous restlessness, and the eyes that had been docile and gentle were now hot and unfathomable.They are constantly spying and spying, but they are alone, so they love each other all the more.Sometimes, due to the ignorance of feelings, just to satisfy the longing for tenderness when the fire is burning, suddenly they will embrace each other passionately or burst into tears.Seemingly out of nowhere, their lives are suddenly filled with crises. Now they know that there are all kinds of tormenting things, and one of them feels the most.They silently and silently made up their minds to make the sad female teacher happy.They work extremely hard, do their homework seriously, help each other, be quiet, don't complain, and do what the teacher may wish and ask in advance.But the young lady didn't notice this, and it made them very sad.During the recent period, the Mademoiselle had completely changed.Sometimes when one of the two sisters spoke to her, she would tremble, as if awakened from a dream.Her eyes always have to search for a while before retracting from a distance.She would sit for hours, staring dreamily ahead.The girls walked on tiptoe so as not to disturb her.They felt vaguely and mysteriously that she was missing her child who didn't know where it was!The growing feminine tenderness in their hearts made them all the more fond of this young lady who was now so gentle and tender.Her usual brisk, confident steps were now hesitant and cautious, and her movements were also cautious and cautious.From all these changes they sensed a hidden sadness in her.They never saw her cry, but her eyelids were always red.They knew that the young lady did not want to show her pain to them, and therefore they could not help her, and they both felt helpless. Once, when the young lady turned her face out of the window and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief, the younger sister suddenly mustered up courage, grabbed her hand and said, "Miss, you have been so sad these days, could it be that we have provoked you?" Angry, aren't you?" The young lady looked at her with emotion, and stroked her soft hair with her hand. "No, child, no," she said, "absolutely not you." And she kissed the child tenderly on the forehead. The quiet observation and insight of the two children are meticulous, and everything that happens within their line of sight is never missed.Just in the past few days, one of them broke into the house suddenly and heard a word.It was only one sentence, for the parents immediately fell silent, but now every word aroused a thousand guesses in the minds of the two sisters. "I've also noticed something abnormal," the mother said, "I'm going to ask her to ask." At first, the child thought it was about herself, and was almost a little worried, so she hurried to her sister to discuss countermeasures and ask for help.However, at noon, they found that their parents had been staring at the young lady's dazed and absent-minded face with scrutiny, and then exchanged glances with each other. After the meal, the mother casually said to the young lady: "Please come to my room for a while, I have something to say to you." The young lady nodded her head eloquently.The girls were trembling with fright. They felt that something was going to happen right now. As soon as the lady entered the room, the two girls immediately followed.Putting your ear to the door, checking every corner, eavesdropping and peeping, these behaviors have now become a matter of course for them.They no longer feel that there is any disgrace or presumptuousness in doing so. They have only one idea: to master all the secrets that others do not want them to see.So they wantonly eavesdrop.But all they could hear were whispers, and they themselves trembled nervously, fearing they could hear nothing. Now one voice in the room grew louder, it was their mother's voice, and it sounded vicious, like an argument. "Do you think that everyone is blind and unaware of such a thing? I can imagine, with your thoughts and morals, how you fulfill your duties. I actually believed such a person and entrusted my child to To her. God knows how you have delayed my daughter..." The young lady seemed to reply, but she spoke so softly that the children could not hear anything. "Excuses, excuses! Any frivolous woman can always find an excuse. When she meets a man, she gives herself up and doesn't think about anything. The rest is God's help. Such a person wants to be a teacher, to educate people." That's shameless, girl. You don't think I'll keep you at home under these circumstances, do you?" The children eavesdropped outside the door, shaking with chills.They understood nothing, but they were terrified to hear their mother's angry voice.At this moment, the young lady's violent low sobs were the only answer.Tears welled up in the children's eyes, and their mother seemed to grow angry. "Now you are only crying, but I will not soften my heart. I have no sympathy for a person like you. What you do now has nothing to do with me. You must know yourself, you must go Who to look for. I don't bother to ask about it. I only know that I can't tolerate such a despicable and irresponsible person staying in my house for one more day. " "It's too mean for Mom to talk to her like that." My sister said through gritted teeth. The younger sister was taken aback by this bold criticism: "But we don't know what the lady has done," she stammered and complained. "Certainly nothing wrong. Mademoiselle wouldn't. Mother doesn't know her." "Yeah, it scares me to see her cry like that." "Yes, it's horrible. But it's mean to see Mum yelling at her like that, I tell you, it's mean." She stomped her feet, her eyes filled with tears.At this time, the young lady came into the room, and she looked very tired. "Children, I have something to do this afternoon. You two stay alone. I can trust you, right? I'll come see you again tonight." Noticing the excitement of the children, she left. "Did you see, her eyes are swollen from crying. I really don't understand how my mother can treat her like this." "Poor lady!" The sympathetic, tearful words circled the room again.The two children stood in the room in a daze.At this time, mother came into the house and asked them if they would like to go out in the car with her.The children prevaricate, they are afraid of their mother.But at the same time, they were very angry, and their mother didn't say a word to them about the young lady's dismissal.They prefer to stay at home alone.They are like two swallows, flying back and forth in this narrow cage, and the atmosphere of lies and silence really suffocates them.They wondered whether they should go to the lady's room, ask her, talk to her about it, tell her mother had wronged her, and persuade her to stay.However, they were afraid that Miss would feel uncomfortable because of it.What's more, they themselves feel ashamed, because all they know is eavesdropped quietly.They have to be stupid, just as stupid as they were two or three weeks ago.So, they had to stay alone in their room and spend the endless afternoon, thinking with tears in their eyes, while those terrible voices kept ringing in their ears: mother's fierce, cruel, angry reprimand And the female teacher's grief-stricken crying... In the evening, the young lady hurried to their room and said good night to them.The children trembled with sorrow when they saw her go out, and how they longed to have something more to say to her!But now that the young lady had reached the door, unexpectedly she turned around again—as if pulled back by the silent wishes of the children—with tears in her eyes, moist and melancholy.She embraced the two children, who were sobbing violently, kissed them again, and hurried out.The children stood there, crying like rain.They feel that this is farewell. "We'll never see her again!" cried one. "Look, she won't be here when we get back from school tomorrow." "Maybe we can go to see her in the future. At that time, she will definitely let us see her children." "Sure, how nice she is!" "Poor lady!" This time they sighed at their fate. "Can you imagine what it would be like without her?" "I will never like another lady again." "me too." "No one will be so kind to us, and..." She dared not speak any more.An unconscious feminine tenderness made them respect their governess since they knew she had a child.Both of them had always thought about it, but now it was no longer out of childish curiosity, but out of deep emotion and sympathy. "Hey, listen!" said a child. "What's up?" "You know, I really want to please her again before she leaves, so that she can know that we like her very much, and we are not like mother. Would you like to?" "Then there's no need to ask!" "I thought about it, she really likes white roses, so I thought, guess what, we're going to buy some tomorrow morning before we go to school and put them in her house later." "Then when will it be released?" "During lunch." "It's noon." "She must have left by then. Well, I'd rather go out early in the morning, buy the flowers back quickly, keep others from knowing, and then send them to her room." "Okay, let's get up early tomorrow." They fetched the piggy bank and poured out all the money, leaving nothing behind.At this moment, they were very relieved to think that they had an opportunity to express their silent and selfless love to the young lady. The next day, they got up very early.When they knocked on the door of the lady's room with slightly trembling hands holding beautiful roses in full bloom, no one in the room answered.They thought that the lady was still asleep, so they slipped into the house lightly.But there was no one in the room, the quilt on the bed was neatly folded, obviously no one had slept, and the things in the room were very messy.Several letters lay on a dark tablecloth. The two children were astonished.What happened? "I'm going to find my mother." My sister said decisively.Standing stubbornly in front of her mother, she asked with gloomy eyes and fearlessness, "Where is our young lady?" "She should be in her own room!" said the mother in great surprise. "Her room is empty, the bed is not slept in, and she must have left last night. Why didn't anyone tell us?" The mother did not notice the fierce, defiant tone with which the child spoke.She turned pale with fright, and immediately went to her father's room.The father quickly ran into the lady's room. He was alone in the house for a long time.The child who came to report the letter kept staring at his mother with resentful eyes.The mother looked excited, but her eyes were afraid to meet the child's.The father came out of the young lady's room, his face pale, and a letter in his hand.He and his mother went back to their room, and they were talking to their mother in a very small voice.The children stood outside the door, and suddenly they didn't dare to eavesdrop.They were afraid of their father's anger.They had never seen him like this before. At this moment, my mother came out of the room, her eyes were red from crying, and she looked bewildered.The children seemed to be driven by fear, subconsciously walked towards her, and wanted to ask for clarification.But my mother said sternly: "Go to school quickly, it's getting late." At this time, the children had to go.Sitting in the school for four or five hours, sandwiched between other children like a dream, not listening to anything.As soon as school was over, they ran desperately home. Everything at home is as usual, but everyone seems to have a terrible idea in their hearts.No one spoke, but everyone, even the servants, had a strange look.The mother came to meet the children, and it seemed that she was going to say something to them.She said, "Boys, your governess isn't coming back anymore, she..." After all, she didn't dare to finish her sentence.The eyes of the two children were so bright, so menacing, so terrible, they met their mother's eyes, that she dared not lie to them any more.She turned and left, hastily fleeing back to her room. In the afternoon, Otto suddenly appeared.He had been summoned because a letter was addressed to him.His face was very pale, and he walked and stood in the room absent-mindedly. No one would talk to him, and everyone was avoiding him.At this time, he saw the two sisters squatting in the corner, so he walked over, wanting to say hello to them. "Don't touch me!" said a girl, disgusted with him.Another spat at him.He was so embarrassed and at a loss, he walked around the room for a while and then left. No one spoke to the children, nor did they speak to each other.They were like caged animals, pale, restless, helpless.They walked back and forth in each room, and the two often met together, looking at each other's eyes swollen from crying, relatively speechless.Now they know everything.They know that other people are deceiving them, that anyone can be mean and lie.They don't love their parents anymore, they don't trust them anymore.They know that they can trust no one, that the whole burden of a terrible life will henceforth rest on their own thin shoulders.They seem to have fallen into the abyss from a comfortable and happy childhood.They still can't comprehend the terrible thing that happened around them, but it is precisely at this moment that their thoughts are stuck, and they almost suffocate them to death.Their cheeks were burning red, and their eyes were fierce and angry.They walked up and down, their hearts as cold as ice in their solitude.No one dared to speak to them, not even their parents, for they looked terrible.Their constant pacing and pacing was a reflection of their restlessness and turmoil.They don't speak to each other, but they have a feeling of solidarity and solidarity in their hearts.The silence, this impenetrable, impenetrable silence, and this pain without cries and tears was so deep that they were strange and dangerous to everyone.No one is close to them, and the way to their hearts has been cut off, and may not be open for many years.They were perceived by those around them as enemies, steadfast, unforgiving enemies.Because from that day on, they are no longer children. Just this afternoon, they grew up several years.It was only at night, when they were alone in a dark room, that the childish fears arose again: the fear of being alone, the fear of pictures of the dead, and the fear of many unspeakable things full of premonitions.The whole family was so flustered and busy that no one thought of lighting a fire in their room.The two of them were so cold that they climbed onto a bed, hugged each other tightly with their thin arms, and their two slender, immature bodies cuddled together, as if looking for rescue in fear.However, they still didn't dare to speak, but the younger sister finally cried at this moment, and the older sister immediately began to sob violently.They hugged each other tightly and cried, hot tears rolled down their faces, from slowly dripping to flowing freely.They hugged each other tightly, chest to chest, one high and one low, echoing each other's weeping.The two of them shared the same pain, the same body crying in the dark.They were weeping now not for the unfortunate schoolteacher, or for their imminent loss of parents, but for a sense of violent dread that shook them, above all for what might happen in this strange world. Fear, a world to which they cast a terrible glance only today.They are terrified of the life they are entering.This life is like a dark forest, towering in front of them, eerie and daunting, but they have to go through it.Gradually, their chaotic fears became more and more dreamlike; their cries became weaker and weaker; their breaths came together slowly, like tears just now.In this way, they finally fell asleep.