Chapter 5 Misty night

Our room suddenly became so dark, is it the strong wind that blows the rain over the city again?No, the air is clear and clear, quiet and peaceful. Such good weather is rare this year. It is already very late, but we have not noticed it.Only the skylight on the opposite side was still shimmering, and the sky above the mountaintop was already covered with a layer of golden smoke.It will be dark in an hour.It was a wonderful hour, because it was the time when the colors were more beautiful than anything else: the colors faded and dimmed, and the darkness that rose from the ground engulfed the room, and finally this black wave waved silently on the walls and took us And rushed into the dark night.At this time, if there are people sitting opposite each other, looking at each other silently, they will definitely feel that in this hour, the friendly face of the other party in the shadow looks older, stranger, and more distant, as if they have never seen such a face before. It looked as if the two of them were staring at each other through a vast space and long years.But you say that you don't want to be silent now, or you will feel oppressed when you hear the ticking of the clock breaking the time into hundreds of small pieces, and you hear the breathing like a sick person in the silence.You want me to tell you the story now, all right.Of course not talking about myself, because we have always lived in cities, either in these cities or in those cities, so our life experience is poor, or we feel very poor, because we don’t know what really belongs to us.It would be better to be silent at this moment, but I want to tell you a story, and I hope this story will float like a veil of dim light at our window, warm, soft, overflowing dim light .

I don't know how I remembered this story.I remember, that afternoon, it was still early, I sat here for a long time, read a book for a while, and then fell asleep in a daze, maybe I had fallen asleep slightly, and the book fell on the ground.Suddenly I saw some figures here, they flashed along the wall, I could hear their conversation and see their movements.But just as I watched these figures that were about to disappear, I woke up and was alone.The book fell under my feet, so I picked it up, trying to find traces of these figures in the book, but I can no longer find the story in the book, as if the story fell from the pages. In my hands, or there is no such story in the book at all.Maybe I dreamed this story, or read it in a cloud.This is the cloud that floats over our city from a distant country, and carries away the rain that has oppressed us for so long; Heard it in a song, or was it told to me years ago?I can't figure it out.Stories like that often come to me, and I play with water in my hands, letting things flow from my fingers instead of catching them, as we pick flowers from ears of corn and tall stalks. Walking by, just touching it without breaking it.I've only dreamed about the story, a colorful image that pops up at first with a milder ending, but I don't catch it.But you asked me to tell a story today, and at this moment, when our eyes are less and less clear in this twilight night, and the colorful and lively things we long for are shining before our eyes, I'm here to tell you the story.

How to start?I felt that I had to stand out from the darkness a moment, a picture, an image, because that's how these strange dreams began in me.Now that I think about it.I saw a lanky boy coming down the broad steps of a palace.It was already night, a moonlit night, but I seemed to be holding a bright mirror to illuminate his flexible body and clearly see his face.He was simply amazingly beautiful.His head was combed a little boyishly, black hair hanging down on his forehead that seemed too high, and his delicate and noble hands were groping forward in the dark to feel the warmth of the sun-soaked air.His steps hesitated.Dreamily he descended the steps and came into the great garden, where the many thick trees were rustling, and the only broad avenue that ran through the garden shone like a white gangplank.

I don't know when it all happened, maybe yesterday, maybe fifty years ago, and I don't know where, but I think it probably happened in England or Scotland, because only there I have only seen such a tall palace made of wide ashlar. From a distance, it looks like a blockhouse, rebellious and a bit scary. When you look closely, you will find that these palaces look down enthusiastically on the sunny day below. , flowery garden.Well, now I'm absolutely sure that the story takes place in the Highlands of Scotland, because only there are summer nights so bright, the sky shimmers opalescent like opal, and the fields stay dark all night, as if everything is glowing faintly from within , only shadows like black kunpeng hang down on patches of bright flat ground.It was in Scotland, oh, I am quite, quite sure of that now, and if I thought about it, I might recall the name of this earl's house and the name of the boy, for the black skin in the dream was rapidly Falling off, I can feel everything so clearly, as if this is not a memory, but a personal experience.The boy was staying at his married sister's house that summer, and in the hospitable way of a decent English family he was not alone.In the evening, a large group of hunting friends and their wives dined together, and several girls, all noble and beautiful beauties, whose youthful laughter and laughter echoed on the ancient wall, However, it doesn't make people feel noisy.During the day, the horses galloped to and fro, the hounds were on leashes, and there were two or three small boats shining on the river yonder, and the busy and unhurried scene made life have a quick and comfortable rhythm.

It is dusk now, and the banquet is over.The gentlemen all sat in the drawing-room, smoking and playing cards, until midnight, when beams quivering sideways from the bright windows fell on the garden, and sometimes there was a loud, funny laugh .Most of the ladies have gone back to their rooms, maybe one or two are still chatting in the front hall.So at night the boy was alone.He was not allowed to go to the gentlemen, or only to stay there for a while, to the ladies, he was shy and ashamed, because often when he went to turn the doorknobs of the ladies, they Just lowering his voice suddenly, he felt that they were talking about things he shouldn't hear.In fact, it was because he didn't like being around them, because when they asked him questions, it was like asking a child, and they just listened casually to his answers, and they just let him do all kinds of things. For small things, thank him when it's over, and say that he is a good boy.So he wanted to go to bed, and had already climbed the winding stairs, but the room was too hot and suffocating.I forgot to close the windows during the day, so the sun was enough to bask in the room: the table was scorching hot, the bed seemed to have been roasted by fire, the walls were fumigated by the heat, and the sweltering heat in the corners of the room and on the curtains was still tremblingly transpiring.Then he thought: It’s still early—outside, the summer night is shining like a white candle, it’s so quiet, there’s not even a breath of wind, it’s so quiet that it eliminates random thoughts.Now the boy went down the high steps of the palace again and into the garden.Over the dark garden, the sky shone with a faint light, like the auspicious light on the head of a saint, and many invisible flowers competed for fragrance, and bursts of rich fragrance came to him seductively.He had a strange feeling in his heart.The fifteen-year-old boy was so disturbed that he didn't know why, but his lips moved as if to pour out something into the night, and he raised his hands, or closed his eyes for a long time, as if he and this There seems to be something mysterious and intimate in the quiet summer night, wanting to speak or make a gesture of greeting.

The boy turned slowly from the wide, open avenue into a narrow path lined with tall trees with silvery canopies embracing each other, but it was dark underneath.Then all was still, save for the indescribable sound of the quiet garden, the rustling of the grass as the drizzle fell on the grass or the grass stalks caressing each other, trembling to this sweet, indescribable A boy wandering forward amidst unpredictable sadness floats in.Sometimes he touched the tree lightly, or stopped to listen to the slight sound.The hat pressed against his forehead, so he took it off so that his bare, blood-thumping temples could feel the caress of the sleepy breeze.

Just as he walked into the dark place, something unbelievable happened suddenly.Behind him, the gravel crackled.He was startled, and when he turned around, he saw only a slender white figure coming towards him, and was already approaching him.He was terrified, and felt that he had been hugged tightly by a woman, but without the slightest force.A warm, soft body clings to his body, a delicate hand quickly and tremblingly strokes his hair, throws his head back, and he feels ecstatically wet on his mouth. A strange, open-mouthed fairy fruit—two trembling lips sucking his lips hard.This face was so close to his, so close that he couldn't even see the other's face clearly.Besides, he didn't dare to look, because a shudder came over him, and he felt a dull pain in his heart, so that he had to close his eyes and let himself be the prey of those burning lips docilely.He hesitantly and hesitantly embraced the strange beauty with his two arms, and pressed the strange body against himself with all his strength, his two hands greedily moved along the soft curve, resting. After a while, he continued to squirm tremblingly, getting hotter and crazier.She hooped him tighter and tighter, and her body was already arched.Now the full weight of her body rested on his unrestrained chest, which was heavy, but he found it beautiful.Panting heavily, she pressed against him tightly, and he felt that he was falling down somehow, his knees could no longer support him.He didn't think about anything, neither how this woman came to him, nor what her name was, he just closed his eyes and greedily sucked the jade liquid from these strange and moist lips , Drinking straight to the point of intoxication, I couldn't help myself, and irrationally drove into an extremely strong passion.He felt that the stars in the sky suddenly fell, and the light flickered in front of his eyes, and everything he touched was trembling and burning like sparks.He didn't know how long it all lasted, whether he was locked in the soft chains for hours, or just seconds.In this frenzied feeling, in this soul-stirring struggle, every nerve in him was burning, and he was staggering towards a marvelous state of vertigo.

Then, suddenly, the fiery chain snapped.The hands that were holding him tightly loosened violently, almost angrily, the strange woman stood up, and ran away like a gust of wind, a white light flashed by the tree, before he raised his hand to grab her, Long gone. who is thisHow long did it last?He leaned against a tree and stood up anxiously and restlessly.Slowly his burning temples cooled, and he could think calmly again: it seemed to him that his life had moved forward a thousand hours.Had he dreamed vaguely of women and lust in the past, and suddenly they had come true?Or, is this really just a dream?He touched himself and ran through his hair.It was damp and cool indeed around the temples, where they seemed to be hammered with bangs, from the dew they had fallen into the grass just now.Now all this flashed before his eyes again, and he felt his lips burning again, and he sucked in the soul-stirring fragrance from her rustling clothes again, and he tried to remember every word, but every word Can't remember either.

Now he remembered that she had said nothing, not even his name, and he was very surprised.He only heard the moaning from her mouth, the ecstasy sobbing that he was desperately holding back, he could only smell the fragrance from her disheveled hair, and only feel her hot breasts pressing against him , and her smooth skin, she gave him her delicate body, her breath, all her trembling feelings, and he didn't know who this woman was, who attacked him in the dark with her love who is the woman.He must get her to speak a name in order to unravel the mystery of his surprise and happiness. Then he felt that the unheard-of thing he had just experienced with a woman was really poor, very poor and insignificant compared with the shining secret that was gazing at him with seductive eyes.Who is this woman?He quickly thought of every possible person, and gathered the images of all the women living in this palace before his eyes.He recalled every unusual moment, dug from his memory every conversation he had had with them, relived every smile of the five or six women who were the only ones who might have been involved in the mystery.Perhaps it was the young Countess E, who used to scold her aging husband so violently; perhaps his cousin's young lady, whose eyes were strangely tender and iridescent; perhaps—thinking of it he Just startled - one of his three cousins?The three of them looked very similar to each other, and all of them had an elegant and reserved expression.No, they are all cold and cautious.In recent years he had often felt himself an outcast, a sick man, how he had envied his three cousins, since the secret flames had burned within him and had fallen flickeringly into his dreams, All so peaceful and peaceful, not dizzy, not lustful, or so it seemed, and terrified of my awakening sensuality, like a fear of disability.So what now...?Who, who among them is good at such deception?

After a lot of tossing about this question, he slowly woke up from the state of ecstasy.It was late, the lights in the card hall had been extinguished, and he was the only one awake in the palace, only him—and maybe that one, that woman whose name he didn't know.Tiredness came over him slightly.Why do you still think about it?A glance tomorrow morning, a twinkle of the eye under the lid, a tacit handshake would tell him all this.He walked up the steps in a trance, as he walked down the steps in a trance, but there was a world of difference between the two.His blood was still slightly agitated, and he felt that the room, which had been scorched by the sun during the day, seemed much cooler now.

When he woke up the next morning, the horses downstairs were already digging the ground with their hooves, and laughter and laughter came to his ears, with his name mixed in between.He jumped up from the bed quickly - breakfast was already delayed, he hurriedly put on his clothes, ran downstairs, and was greeted with joy by everyone. "A sleeper," said the countess, smiling at him, with a twinkle in her bright eyes.His greedy eyes searched her face, no, it couldn't be her, she smiled too freely. "Have a sweet dream." The young lady joked, he felt that her delicate body seemed too thin.He quickly glanced at their faces one by one, trying to find the answer to his question, but none of the faces responded to him with a sweet smile. They rode into the country.He listened attentively to everyone's voice, his eyes closely watched every line and every ups and downs of the ladies' bodies when they were twisting on the galloping horse, peeping at their attitude of bending and raising their arms.When sitting at the table chatting at noon, he deliberately bent over to get close to them so that he could smell the fragrance of their lips or the rich fragrance of their hair.But there was nothing, he got no signal, no trace to follow with his feverish mind.The long day was over, and it was getting dusk.He tried to read the book, but the lines slipped from the margins and suddenly into the garden.The night, the strange night came again, and he felt the arms of the unknown woman hug him tightly again.He put the book down from his trembling hands, and went to the pond.To his own surprise, he was suddenly standing on the gravel road in the same place.During dinner, he was uneasy, his hands were at a loss, he kept groping back and forth, and there was nowhere to put it, as if he was being watched by someone, and his eyes shrank timidly under the lids.At last the others moved their chairs and got up, and only then did he look happy, and immediately fled from the way to the room into the garden, pacing up and down the white path.The path shimmered beneath his feet like a strip of milky mist, and he wandered a thousand times on this path.Are the lights on in the living room?It was lit, and finally all the lights were lit, and finally there were lights in the dark windows on the second floor.The ladies and gentlemen all went to their bedrooms.If she came, it would only take a few minutes to arrive, but now it was swelling every minute, to the point of bursting, and he was burning with anxiety.He was wandering again, as if tied by an invisible rope, dragging him so he had to walk around like this. Suddenly a white figure flashed and descended the steps, moving so fast that he couldn't recognize it.She was like a ray of moonlight, or like a veil lost in the bushes, blown by a gust of wind, now, now into his arms, he stretched out his arms, greedy like claws Hugging this wild body that was hot from running fast, I could feel her heart beating.The heat wave hit him unexpectedly, and under the sweet impact of the heat wave, he thought he was going to faint, and all he wanted was to go with the wave, to float and sink in the wave of ambiguous happiness and contentment.Just like yesterday, this time it was only for a moment.Then he woke up suddenly from the intoxication, and suppressed the lust in his heart.The woman's tender body was so tightly attached to his body at the moment, he felt that the beating strange heart was beating in his own chest.But no, you must not indulge in this ecstasy of tenderness, before you know the name of this woman, you must not let these two lips that are sucking at the mercy of you!When she kissed him, he threw his head back to get a better look at her face.However, there is a tree shadow falling here, intertwined with the black hair in the dim moonlight, it is difficult to distinguish.The bushes are too dense, and the moon's light covered by the floating clouds is too weak.He saw only a pair of bright eyes, like two flaming red gems, like two gems hidden deep in the dull marble. He wanted to hear a word from her, even if it was only a little bit of her voice. "Who are you, tell me, who are you?" he demanded.But these two soft, moist lips just kiss without making a sound.So he thought, hurt her, and when she yelled, she would be forced to make a sound.So, he grabbed her arm and poked her flesh with his nails, but all he heard from her tightly held chest was panting, hot breathing and lust on her hard lips.Only faint moans spewed from her lips now and then, and he couldn't figure out whether the sound came from pain or ecstasy.Facing this stubborn will, he felt powerless. The woman who came out of the darkness conquered him without revealing herself. Everything was driving him to the point of madness.He couldn't help being furious, trying to get rid of her entanglement, but as for her, she felt that the strength in his arm was gradually weakening, and felt that he was uneasy, so she stroked his hair with her excited hands, since Comfort, but also tease.As her jade fingers ran across his hair, he felt a slight jingle on his forehead as a metal plate—a coin—was dangling loosely from her bracelet.At this moment, he suddenly had an idea.As if in the wildest lust, he drew her hand against him as he pressed the coin deep into his half-naked arm until one side left an imprint on the skin. .Now that he has got a mark, because the mark is on him, he is now willing to submit to his newly suppressed passion.So he pressed close to her body, sucked the intoxicating pleasure from her lips, hugged her silently, and jumped into the mysterious and wanton lust. Later, just like yesterday, she jumped up suddenly and ran away, but he didn't try to stop her, because he was eager to see the mark clearly, and his blood was hot with this curiosity.He ran back to his room, turned on the dim light, and eagerly looked down at the mark on his arm that the coin had printed. This imprint is disappearing, it is not very clear anymore, the circumference is not complete, but one corner is still very clear, and the red imprint left behind is still clearly visible.The corners of the imprint are sharp and angular. This coin is roughly octagonal and medium-sized. It is roughly like a penny coin, but it has a more three-dimensional effect, because the depressions corresponding to the hills in the pattern are carved deeper.The mark was as hot as fire, and when he looked at it greedily, he felt the mark suddenly hurt like a wound, until he dipped his hands in cold water, and the burning pain disappeared.The metal medallion was octagonal, and he felt sure of it now.There was a gleam of victory in his eyes.Tomorrow he will know all about it. He was one of the first at the table the next morning.Among the ladies and ladies, only one older lady was present, and his sister and the countess were dining.They were all full of joy, chatting and laughing happily, and no one paid any attention to him.This was exactly what he wanted, and he could observe them better.His eyes flicked over the Countess's slender wrist: she was not wearing a bracelet.Then he spoke to her calmly, but his eyes were always looking restlessly at the door.His three cousins ​​were coming in together at this moment.He felt uneasy again.He saw their ornaments on their wrists tucked into their sleeves, so that they could not be seen clearly, but they sat down in an instant, just opposite him: Kitty, chestnut hair, Margot, fair hair, Elizabeth. His hair was so bright that it shone like silver in the dark, like golden waterfalls in the sun.These three are as usual, cold, calm and reserved, with a dignified look.What he hated the most was the look on them, because they were not much older than him, and they played with him a few years ago.Now all he needed was his cousin's young wife.The boy's heart became more and more uneasy, because he felt that the truth was about to come out, and suddenly he almost liked the mysterious torment this secret gave him.But his eyes are curious, always cruising quickly around the dining table, the ladies' hands are either resting quietly on the white and bright tablecloth, or slowly rippling like a light boat in the sparkling harbor.All he saw were pairs of slender hands, and he suddenly felt that each hand was like strange people, like characters on a stage, each with its own life and soul.Why is the blood on his temples throbbing so hard?All three of his cousins ​​wore bracelets, a discovery that astounded him.He had known from childhood that the three of them were stubborn and withdrawn, and that it must have been one of the three proud, outwardly impeccable girls that he wanted to confirm, puzzled him. .So which one is it?Is it Kitty who is the oldest and the least familiar to him, Margot with a blunt attitude, or little Elizabeth?No matter which one of them, he dare not hope.He secretly hoped that they were neither, or that he didn't want to know that person.But now he was filled with a strong desire to find out. "Can I have another cup of tea, Kitty?" He sounded like he had sand in his throat.He handed the cup over, so she had to raise her arm across the table and pass the tea in front of him.Now—he saw a carved plaque hanging from her bracelet tremble, and for a moment his hand froze, but no, it was a round emerald inlaid, and it made a slight sound when it touched the china tableware.He glanced gratefully over Kitty's brown hair, as if giving her a kiss. For a moment, he took a breath. "Could you please pass me a sugar cube, Margot?" A slender hand was raised from the opposite table, reached out to grab the silver box, and handed it over.And then—his hand trembled a little—he saw that on her wrist hidden in her sleeve she wore an exquisite bracelet, from which dangled an ancient silver coin, octagonal, the size of a penny, Apparently a family heirloom.This is octagonal, and each corner is very sharp, leaving a mark in his flesh yesterday.His grip was unsteady, and the sugar tongs missed twice, and the last lump of sugar he picked up fell into the tea, but he forgot to drink it. Margot!The name burned on his lips, an unprecedented surprise, and he almost screamed, but he gritted his teeth.At this time he heard her talking - he thought her voice was very strange, as if someone was speaking to the audience from the podium - cold, careful words, lightly made a joke, her expression was calm and poised, her unscrupulous manner Lies really terrified him.Is this really the girl who pounced on him like a beast at night, the girl who was crushed by him yesterday and let him suck and drink wildly with her lips?He stared blankly at her lips again.Yes, that stubbornness, that introverted character, could only be hidden on these two sharp lips, but what did the burning desire reveal to him? He gazed more closely at her face, as if seeing her for the first time.He almost burst into tears with ecstasy, trembling, and happiness. For the first time, he felt how beautiful she was when she showed this haughty look, and how seductive she was when she had this secret in her heart.Her two beautiful eyebrows were curved, and after forming an acute angle, she suddenly raised them up. His youthful eyes carefully traced the lines of these two eyebrows, and penetrated deeply into her gray-green eyes. In the cool ruby ​​carnelian, kiss the pale, slightly shiny skin of her face, softly arch her sharp and tight lips at this moment to kiss, and kiss her light-colored lips again. He searched through her hair, then quickly moved down, embracing her whole body in his arms.He hadn't known her until now.Then he stood up from the table, but his knees were shaking.He was so drunk by her appearance, as if he had drunk a rich jade liquid. At this time his sister had already called him downstairs.The horses, already ready for morning rides, chewed and reined, and all danced impatiently and impatiently.One by one they quickly saddled themselves, and then, like a cavalry of colorful cavalry, they rode up the garden avenue.At first the horses trotted, and the boy found the lazy, even gait out of harmony with the quick beat of his blood.However, as soon as they got out of the gate, everyone galloped on their horses, galloping from the left and right sides of the road into the grassland where the thin Xiaolan was still steaming.The dew must have been heavy at night, for glistening drops of water glistened from time to time in the veil-like smoke, and the air was so cool that it seemed as if a nearby waterfall was cascading down.The entire group of people immediately dispersed, and the chain was torn into several colorful pieces.A few had disappeared into the woods among the mountains, both man and horse. Margot was one of the first to ride.She likes to gallop freely, likes the strong wind to play with her long hair, likes to ride a horse and gallop, and the indescribable feeling when she hears the whistling wind in her ears.Behind her, the boy was galloping.He saw her tall and proud body sitting on a horse, bowing into a beautiful arc with violent ups and downs, and occasionally saw her cheeks with a touch of blush and piercing eyes.He recognized her again now, when she displayed her energy so enthusiastically.He felt her sudden love, her desire, with the utmost intensity.A violent desire suddenly rose in his heart: grab her violently now, pull her off the horse and hold her in his arms, suck her unruly lips again, bear her trembling heart trembling for him Chest bump.He whipped the horse in the belly, and the horse whinnied and galloped forward.Now he was beside her, almost brushing her knees, the stirrups clattering slightly.Now he had to unravel the matter, had to unravel. "Margot," he stammered.She turned her head and raised her two sword eyebrows. "What's the matter, Pope?" she asked coldly, her eyes cold and bright.A shiver ran through him, down to his knees.What should he say?He couldn't find the words.He faltered and said that he meant to go back. "Are you tired?" she asked, which he thought was mocking. "Not tired, but they are far behind." He said more laboriously.He felt that in a moment he was going to do something absurd: throw his arms at her violently, or burst into tears, or beat her with the whip that trembled in his hand as if electrified.He pulled the rein suddenly and turned the horse back, causing the galloping horse to stand up on its hind legs, but she continued to gallop forward, sitting tall and straight on the horse, with an air of pride and refusal to be thousands of miles away. The rest soon caught up with him.There were chattering voices around him, but the laughter echoed in his ears, as meaningless as the clattering of horseshoes.He did not have the courage to tell her his love, to force her to tell the truth, and he was very distressed by this, and his desire to tame her grew stronger and stronger, and fell to the ground like a red sky before his eyes.Why didn't he tease her, just like she teased him stubbornly?He subconsciously rode his horse forward, and he didn't feel relieved until the horse ran away like lightning.At this time, everyone was calling him to ride back.The sun has climbed the mountains and is high in the sky.A soft, diffuse fragrance wafted from the fields, and bright colors flashed into his eyes like molten gold.Humid heat and strong fragrance are transpiring on the ground, and the sweaty horses have already begun to trot lazily, with heat coming from their bodies, panting unceasingly.The team slowly gathered together again, the laughter seemed weak, and everyone talked less. Margot also reappears.Her horse was foaming at the mouth, some splashed on her clothes and trembling slightly, the bun of her hair was about to unravel, and now only the hairpin was loosely fastened.The boy stared at the lock of golden locks like a fascination, and he thought that maybe the golden hair would suddenly let go and fall down, and the long hair would flow.The thought made him so excited that he almost went mad.At the end of the road, the arched gate of the garden was already shining brightly, and behind it was the wide avenue leading to the palace.He took the reins and carefully steered his horse past the others, and was the first to reach the garden.He dismounted and handed the reins to the running servants, while he waited for the procession to arrive.Margot was one of the last to arrive.She came slowly on horseback, her body limply leaning back, as if her whole body was paralyzed after an ecstasy.This, he thought, must be what she looked like when she was in ecstasy.Thinking of this, passion surged in his heart, and he was furious.He squeezed up to her and helped her off the horse out of breath. Holding on to the stirrup, he eagerly hugged her delicate ankle with one hand. "Margot," he murmured, moaning.Hearing him call her, without even raising her eyelids, she held the hand he extended out calmly and jumped off the horse. "Margot, you are wonderful," he stammered again.She stared at him fiercely, and raised her eyebrows high on her forehead again. “我认为你喝醉了，波普！你在这里胡说些什么？”他对她的装模作样感到愤怒，出于盲目的激情，他把还一直握着的那只手紧紧压在自己胸口，仿佛要将这只手戳进自己胸腔里去似的。玛尔戈特大为恼火，脸气得绯红，她狠狠地把他一推，推得他一个踉跄，她自己则迅速从他身边迈过。这一切发生得非常迅速，只在一念之间，所以谁也没有发现，就连他自己也以为，这不过是一个令人心悸的梦。 他的脸色如此苍白，整天激动不已，以致那位金发伯爵夫人走过时还捋着他的头发问他是否哪儿不舒服。他怒不可遏，竟将那条汪汪吠叫的狗一脚踢到边上，玩牌的时候也是笨头笨脑的，惹得姑娘们都拿他来取笑。他想，今晚她不会来了。这个想法害了他，弄得他闷闷不乐，无明火起。他们大家一起在外面花园里坐着喝茶，玛尔戈特在他对面，但是她连看都不看他。他的眼睛一直颤颤悠悠地望着她的眼睛，像有磁铁在吸引似的，可是她的眼睛冷冷的，就像两块灰色的石头，没有一点反应。受她这般耍弄，他不禁心头火起。她转过脸，不去看他。见她这副狂妄神气，他便捏紧拳头，他觉得，他简直会一拳把她打趴下。 “到底怎么啦，波普，你的脸色很苍白呢？”这时突然有个声音问道。那是小伊丽莎白，玛尔戈特的妹妹。她的眼里闪烁着一道温暖、柔和的光，然而他却没有觉察到。他感到像是被人抓住了什么把柄似的，怒气冲冲地说：“让我安静一会儿吧，别拿你那该死的担心来折磨人！”说了这话，他便后悔不已，因为伊丽莎白的脸刷的一下变得十分苍白，马上转过头去，眼含泪水说：“你这个人可真怪。”大家都愤愤不平地、几乎是威逼性地望着他，他自己也感到礼亏。然而，他还没有来得及道歉，那边桌上便传来一个生硬的声音，那是玛尔戈特的声音，锋利，冷峻犹如刀刃：“我压根儿就觉得，波普那么大了还这么不懂礼貌。把他当绅士，或者仅仅把他当成年人看待，都不对。”这话是玛尔戈特说的，就是昨天晚上还把双唇赐予他的玛尔戈特说的。他感到周围的一切都在旋转，眼前一片模糊，不禁怒火中烧。“想必是你，恰恰是你，对于这件事该是一清二楚的！”他不怀好意地强调说，并且站起身来。由于他动作过猛，碰倒了身后的椅子，可是他头也不回，就拂袖而去。 不过，他自己也觉得这太荒唐，晚上他又站在楼下的花园里，向上帝祷告，愿她能来。或许她的态度也只不过是故作姿态和桀骜不驯的表现吧，不，他不想再问她，不想再折磨她了，只要她来，只要允许他在自己嘴上能重新感觉她柔软、湿润的双唇那强烈的欲望，那么所有的问题就都无需解答了。时间似乎已经沉入梦乡，像只行动迟钝、有气无力的野兽匍匐在王府前面：时间真是长得出奇。他觉得四周草丛中发出的轻微的哧哧声就像是嘲笑人的声音，轻轻摇曳的枝桠在戏耍着自己的影子和微微闪耀的灯光，像是爱捉弄人的手在晃动。各种声音纷乱杂沓，而且陌生，比沉寂更让人感到肝肠寸断。那边乡村里间或有犬吠声传来，有时一颗流星飕的一下划过夜空，坠落在王府后面的什么地方。黑夜似乎变得越来越亮了，投在路上的树影则变得越来越浓，那些微弱的声响也越来越纷乱杂沓。后来，飘动的浮云又遮住了天穹，朦胧、抑郁的昏暗笼罩着大地。这份寂寞一下袭上他滚烫的心头，令他感到隐隐作痛。 少年不住地徘徊，步子越来越急，越来越快。有时候他朝树木怒击一拳，或者用手指把树皮抠得粉碎，他怀着满腔怒火使劲地抠，把手指都抠出了血。唉，她不会来了，他本是预料到的，然而他却不愿相信，因为她要是不来，那就永远，永远不会再来了。这是他一生中最痛苦的一刻。他还年轻，正值青春年华，想到这里，他便狠狠地扑倒在潮湿的苔藓地上，双手在土里乱抓，泪流满面，剧烈地轻声啜泣着，长这么大他还从来没有这么哭过，将来也不会再这样哭。 这时，树丛中突然轻轻地咔嚓一声，把他从绝望中唤醒。他一跃而起，双手朝前瞎摸，一个热乎乎的东西朝他胸口猛的一撞，真是妙不可言——他又将那个梦寐以求的娇躯搂在了怀里。他喉咙里涌起一阵抽泣，他整个存在化为剧烈的痉挛，他将这个高高的丰腴身体紧紧搂住，搂得那陌生而又缄默不语的嘴里发出一声呻吟。他感觉到，她在他的牛劲之下呻吟着，于是他第一次知道，他主宰了她，而不像昨天，也不像前天，他成了她忽阴忽晴的脾气的猎物。他心里生起一股欲望，要为他这上百个小时所受的痛苦而折磨她，要为她的桀骜不驯，为今天晚上她当着大家的面所说的那些鄙薄的话，为她生活中撒谎的花招而整治她。仇恨已经同炽热的爱情融为一体，因而这拥抱与其说是柔情缱绻的亲昵，还不如说是一场搏斗。他紧紧钳住她纤细的手腕，她整个气喘吁吁的身体也随之扭动，颤栗不已，随后他又将她拉进怀里，使劲搂住，搂得她动弹不得，只好一个劲儿低沉地呻吟，他不知道，这呻吟是出于快乐还是出于痛苦。尽管这样，他却依然无法逼她说出一个字来。现在他把自己的嘴唇贴在她的双唇上不住地吮吸，还想把这低沉的呻吟也封住。这时他感到她的唇上湿乎乎的，是血，是正在流淌的血，是她用牙齿使劲咬着嘴唇咬出来的血。他就这般折磨着她，直到他突然感到自己的精力也已消耗殆尽，一股情欲的热浪涌上心头，两人这才胸贴着胸，喘息不止。熊熊烈焰一下就熄灭了，星星仿佛在他们眼前闪烁，一切都神经错乱了，他的思想转得更加疯狂，万物就只有一个名字：玛尔戈特。他心里烈焰腾腾，终于从心灵深处低沉地吐出了一个声音——是欢呼也是绝望，是渴望、仇恨、愤怒，也是爱情，这一切凝成一句话，一声呼喊，抑制着三天的痛苦的呼喊：玛尔戈特，玛尔戈特！对他来说，这四个字音里回荡着世间的音乐。 她全身像是遭了重重的一击。狂热的拥抱一下子僵住了，她拚命将他一推，她的喉咙里进出一声哽咽，一声哭泣，她的动作又变得异常激烈，不过只是为了脱出身来，好摆脱这可恨的接触。他想出其不意地将她抓住，但她与他相搏，他俯首将脸挨近她的时候，感觉到愤怒的泪水正颤颤栗栗地从她脸颊上直往下流，她那窈窕的身体像蛇一样扭动着。突然，她使劲将他往后一推，就顺势逃之夭夭。树木间她的衣服白光闪烁，随即便在黑暗中消失。 他又孤零零地站在那里，神色慌张，茫然若失，就像是第一次那温暖的娇躯和狂热的春情猛的冲出他的怀抱一样。他的眼前，星星也像眼泪汪汪似的，热血自里往外在他的额头上钻出一些细小的火星。他究竟出了什么事？他摸索着走过由一棵棵分散的树木组成的行列，进入花园深处，他知道，那里有一口水流飞溅的小喷泉。他让喷泉的水抚摸着他的手，银白色的泉水向他喃喃细语，这时月亮正慢慢从云层中露出来，在月光的反射下，清泉在奇妙地熠熠闪亮。现在他的目光清晰多了，这时突然有一阵极度的哀伤向他袭来，多么奇妙啊，仿佛是温煦的微风从树丛中把这哀伤吹落下来的。滚滚热泪从他胸中喷涌而出，此时他比哆哆嗦嗦地搂抱的时刻更加强烈、更加清晰地感到，他是多么爱玛尔戈特啊！迄今所有的一切——占有的迷醉，颤栗和痉挛，以及探秘无果的愤怒全都烟消云散，只有那忧伤而甜蜜的爱情，那几乎没有一点渴望、但却无比强烈的爱情将他完完全全拥抱在怀里。 他为什么要这般折磨她？这三夜她给予他的东西不是多得不可悉数吗？自从她教他品味了绸缪的情意和剧烈震颤的爱情以来，他的人生不是突然从暗淡的朦胧中进到危险的、熠熠闪亮的光耀中去了吗？她是带着眼泪，怀着愤怒离开他的呀！这时他心里涌起一个无法抗拒的、温存的心愿，希望同她握手言欢，希望她说句温柔、熨帖的话，这个要求有点类似于一个欲望：将她静静地拥在怀里，不求任何索取，并对她说，他是多么感激她。是的，他甚至愿意到她那儿去，并低声下气地对她说，他对她的爱是多么纯洁，他永远不再叫她的名字，永远不再逼她回答她不愿启齿的问题。 泉水银光粼粼，汩汩流去，他不由得想起她的泪水。也许她现在一个人在独守空房，他继续思忖着，或许只有这絮絮低语的黑夜，这专门谛听大家的秘密而不给任何人安慰的黑夜听从她的话，他离她是咫尺天涯，看不到她秀发上的一丝闪光，也听不到她随风飘去的芳音所剩下的只言片语，可是两颗心灵却相互偎依，紧紧相缠——这一切对他来说都是难以忍受的痛苦。渴望待在她身边，哪怕是像条狗似的躺在她的门口或者像乞丐似的站在她的窗下，这种渴望现在已经变得无法抗拒。 他怯生生地从漆黑的树林中蹑手蹑脚地走了出来，看见二楼的窗户里还亮着灯光。光线幽微，黄色的微光几乎连那棵大枫树的叶子都没有照亮。这棵枫树，它的枝桠像手一样想轻轻叩击窗户，在微风中朝前一伸，又往后一缩，简直是个在窃听的、黑黑的彪形大汉，伫立在这扇明亮的小玻璃窗前，谛听别人的隐秘。一想到玛尔戈特在这扇明亮的玻璃窗后尚未就寝，或许还在哭泣或者在想念他，这男孩就无比兴奋，以致他不得不倚在这棵大树上，免得身体摇晃，站立不住。 他像着了魔，呆呆地凝视着楼上的窗户。白色的窗帘晃来摆去，随风戏耍，一旦飘出暗处，在室内温暖的灯光映照下，就成暗金色，如果吹出窗外，染上从园形树叶之间泻漏出来并晶晶闪耀的月光，马上就变成银白色。朝里开的玻璃窗反映出光与影不平静的流动，宛如在描画一块光线明暗相间的织物。这位热昏了头的男孩正用火辣辣的眼睛呆呆地凝视着楼上，对他来说，这些天所发生的种种事情仿佛都用黑色的日耳曼古文字书写在玻璃板上了。那流动的暗影，这银色的闪光，像柔曼的烟云飘浮在铮亮的玻璃窗上。这些匆匆捕捉到的感觉激发起他的遐想，幻化成无数闪烁不定的图像。他看见了她，玛尔戈特，袅袅婷婷，俏丽动人，长发披散，噢，那头浓密的金发，她正怀着内心的躁动不安，在屋里走来走去，见她因情欲而发烧，因愤怒而抽泣。此刻，他透过巍巍高墙犹如透过玻璃一样，看到她每个最最细小的动作：双手的颤抖，跌坐在沙发椅上，默默地、绝望地凝视着星光惨淡的夜空。有一会儿玻璃窗变得亮堂了，他甚至觉得认出了她的脸庞，她正怯生生地把脸探向窗前，俯视正在沉睡的花园，搜索他的踪影。这时他被强烈的感情所控驭，既克制又急切地向楼上呼唤她的名字：玛尔戈特！……玛尔戈特！ 不是有个影子像白色轻纱一样忽闪一下飞快地从玻璃窗上越过吗？他觉得是看得清清楚楚的。他凝神谛听，可是毫无动静。身后，酣睡的树木在轻声呼吸，无精打采的风儿拂过，草丛中发出轻微的、绸缎似的窸窣声，这些声音变得越来越远，越来越响，汇成一个温暖的波涛，随后渐渐轻轻地平息下来。黑夜在静静地呼吸，窗户依然默默无声，银色的镜框里嵌着一幅加深颜色的画像。难道她没有听到他的呼唤？还是她不愿再听到他的声音？窗户上颤颤悠悠的亮光弄得他心烦意乱。他心里的欲望从胸口里跳了出来，往树皮上重重摔去，由于这股激情来得凶猛，树皮似乎也哆嗦起来了。他只知道，他现在必须见她，必须听到她说话，哪怕是大声喊她的名字，喊得大家寻声跑来，喊得大家从梦中惊醒，他也毫不后悔。此刻他预感到会出点什么事，最最荒唐的事对他来说正是他热切企求的，就好像在梦里什么事都易如反掌，唾手可得一样。这时他再次抬头往楼上的窗户张望，一下发现靠窗的那棵树伸出的枝桠像路标一样。刚一闪念，他的手就已经更加使劲地把树干抓住。突然间，他脑子开了窍：树干虽然粗大，但是摸着却柔软而有韧性，他得爬上去，爬到树上再喊她，那儿离她窗户只有一步之遥，他要在挨她很近的地方同她说话，不得到她的原谅，他就不下来。他未作丝毫考虑，只见窗户微微闪亮，在引诱他，感到身边这棵树又粗又大，在支托着他。他很快地攀了几下，又往上一纵，双手攀住一根枝桠，并将身子使劲往上拽。现在他攀到了树上，几乎到了树顶茂密的树叶中，下面的枝叶大为惊愕，便一起剧烈地晃动起来。每片树叶都窸窣作响，汇成一片波浪起伏、令人胆寒的哗哗声，伸出的那根枝桠弯得更加厉害，都碰到了窗户，仿佛要给那位一无所知的姑娘发出警告似的。爬在树上的男孩现在已经看见房里白色的屋顶及其正中灯火照映出来的金光灿灿的光圈。他激动得微微发抖，他深知，一会儿他就将见到她本人了，她不是痛哭流涕就是默默抽泣，再不就是身体陷于强烈的情欲之中难以自持。他的胳膊快没力气了，但是他又振作起精神。他慢慢地从那根伸向她窗户的枝桠上往下刺溜，膝盖磨出了血，手也划破了，但是他还在继续往前爬，几乎被近处窗户里的灯光照个正着。有一大簇浓密的树叶还挡着他的视线，挡住他梦寐以求的最后一眼，于是他就举起手，想去拨开这簇叶子，这时灯光正好雪亮地照在他身上，他就朝前一弯，一阵颤抖，身子一晃，失去平衡，一个旋转摔了下来。 他栽在了草地上，落地的声音轻微而低沉，犹如掉下一颗沉沉的果子。楼上有个身影从窗户里探出身来，惊惶不安地俯视窗下，但是黑暗纹丝未动，寂静无声，就像将溺水者冲入深水之中的池塘。不一会儿楼上的灯火就熄灭了，在闪忽不定的朦胧月色下，花园里那些沉默不语的黑影中，似乎有许多影影绰绰的螭魅魍魉在大显神通。 几分钟以后，从树上摔到地上的男孩从昏迷中苏醒。他的目光陌生地朝上仰望片刻之久，暗淡的天空挂着几颗模糊的星星，冷冰冰地凝视着他。随后他感到右脚非常之疼，疼得他猛一抽搐，他现在稍微一动，就痛得几乎要大声叫喊。这时他突然知道自己摔伤了。他也知道他不能在这里——玛尔戈特的窗下躺着，不能请人帮助，不能呼喊，也不能动得发出声响来。他的额头上滴着血，他摔下来的时候，准是碰在草地上的石块或者木头上了，他用手拭了一下血，以免它流到眼睛里去。接着他就把身子完全往左侧蜷缩着，试着用两只手深深地抠着泥土，慢慢往前移动。每次一碰到那条摔断的腿，或者只是震动一下，就会痛得一阵抽搐，他担心再次晕厥过去。然而他还是慢慢把身子一拖一拖地往前挪动，几乎花了半个小时才到台阶那儿，他感到两只胳膊已经麻木了。额头上的冷汗同直往下滴的鲜血混在了一起。现在还必须克服最后的严重困难：那道台阶。他忍着剧烈的疼痛，咬紧牙关，十分缓慢地往上爬去。现在他到了上面，哆哆嗦嗦地抓住了扶手，累得哼哧哼哧喘个不停。他又往上爬了几步，到了牌厅门口，听到里面说话的声音，看见亮着的灯光了。他扶着门把手，拼命站了起来，突然间像是被人摔了出去似的，他随着松开的门栽进灯火通明的大厅。 他看起来一定很吓人，他跌进来的时候，满脸是血，浑身是土，像一团粘粘糊糊的东西啪的一声立即摔倒在地。先生们霍的一下都跳了起来，乱成一团，椅子碰得砰砰直响，大家争先恐后地跑去救他，小心翼翼地把他抬到长沙发上。正巧这时他还能含含糊糊地喃喃说话。他说，他本想到花园里去，没想到从台阶上摔了下去，接着他眼前就突然落下一条条黑色披纱，来回颤动，把他缠得严严实实，动弹不得，以致于他失去知觉，不省人事。 马匹立即备好，有人骑马到最近的地方去请医生。王府里的人全都被惊动了，直闹得天翻地覆：走廊里点起了像萤火虫似的、颤颤悠悠的灯火，有人从房门里朝外小声打听伤情，仆人畏畏缩缩、睡意蒙眬地来了，七手八脚地总算把昏迷不醒的男孩抬进他楼上的卧室。 医生检查出一条腿骨折，让大家放心，并说伤者不会有危险，只不过得打上绷带长期卧床静养。大家把医生的话告诉男孩，他听了只是无力地一笑。这样对他来说并不难受，因为这样躺着倒很惬意：独自一人长期躺着，没有喧闹，没人打搅，躺在一间明亮、宽敞的房间里，要是想梦见自己心爱的姑娘，树梢就会轻轻把窗子摩挲得沙沙作响。这样安安静静地把什么事都仔细思考一遍，在梦中与心上人邂逅，不受任何琐事俗务的干扰，独自同一个个情意脉脉的幻影亲密地待在一起，只要片刻合上眼帘，幻影就会来到床边，这种感觉该是何等的甜美！看来，恋爱的时光恐怕不会比这些苍白、朦胧的梦境时刻更宁静、更美丽。 头几天还疼得非常厉害。然而他觉得这疼痛中掺进了种种独特的销魂荡魄的快乐。他觉得，他是为了玛尔戈特，为了这位心爱的人而忍受痛苦的，想到这点，这男孩就有一种极其浪漫的、几乎是过甚其词的自信心。他暗自思忖，他真该脸上来个流着鲜血的伤口，这样他就可以经常露着这个伤口，就像骑士身上染着他所爱慕的贵妇人的颜色一样。再不就干脆别醒过来，摔得缺胳膊断腿地躺在楼底下她的窗前，这倒也很绝妙。想到这里，他就又做起梦来了，梦见她第二天早晨醒来，听见自己窗户底下人声嘈杂，彼此呼喊，她便好奇地探身朝下一望，看见了他，看见他肢残体碎地躺在她的窗下，为了她而命赴黄泉。他看见，她一声呼叫，栽倒在地，他耳朵里听到了这声尖叫，接着就看见她那绝望和苦闷的神态，看见她身穿黑色丧服，阴郁而严肃地度过她整个怅然若失的一生，若是有人问起她的痛苦，她嘴唇上便闪过一丝微微的抽搐。 就这样，他整天都沉迷在梦境中，起先只是在黑暗中才做梦，后来睁着眼睛也照样做，不久他就习惯于愉快地回忆那个可爱的形象，而且乐此不疲。对他来说已经不存在太亮太吵的时候了：光线最亮他也能够看见一个影子从墙边忽闪而过，她的形象就来到他的跟前；外面再吵，在他耳朵里，她的声音也绝不会被水滴从树叶上流下来的淅沥声和沙砾在烈日暴晒下发出的咝咝声所消解。他就这样同玛尔戈特说话，一说就是几个小时，要不就是梦见同她一起去旅行，一起乘车度过美妙的时光。但是有时他从梦中醒来，现出一副惊慌失措的样子。她果真会哀悼他吗？她会永远记着他吗？ 当然，她有时候也来探望这位病人。往往是，正当他在想象中同她说话，她亮丽的形象好似站在他面前的时候，正巧房门就开了，她走进了屋，真是亭亭玉立，光彩照人。不过同他梦中邂逅的那位姑娘却是判若两人。因为她并不脉脉含情，俯身亲他额头的时候也不像梦中的玛尔戈特那么激动，她只是坐在他的沙发椅里，问他身体怎么样，是不是痛，并讲一两件有趣的小事给他听。只要她在，他总感到甜甜的，心慌意乱，手足无措，连看都不敢看她，他往往合上眼皮，好更好地聆听她的声音，将她说话的声调深深吸进自己心灵中去。这音调是他自己的音乐，它还将连着几小时在他周围回响和飘荡。对于她的问题，他的回答犹犹豫豫，因为他太喜欢沉默了，沉默中他可以只听见她的呼吸，在心灵深处感受到是单独同她相处在这空间，在这宙宇空间里。每当她起身往房门走去的时候，他就不顾疼痛，费劲地撑起身子，好再次将她灵巧的身段的每根线条描画在自己心里，在她重新坠入他虚无飘缈的梦幻现实中去之前，好再次活生生地将她拥抱。 玛尔戈特几乎每天都来看他。不过吉蒂和伊丽莎白，那位小伊丽莎白，不是也每天来吗？伊丽莎白甚至总是那么惊吓地望着他，用那么温柔体贴的声音问他，是否觉得好些。他姐姐和别的夫人们不也是天天都来看他吗，她们大家难道不是同样对他极其关切吗？她们不是也待在他身边，给他讲述各种各样的故事吗？她们在他那儿待的时间甚至太长，因为她们在那里就会将他的奇思遐想吓跑，把他从清静的沉思冥想中唤醒，让他跟她们东拉西扯，谈天说地。他真希望她们大家都别来，只是玛尔戈特一个人来，只待一小时，仅仅几分钟，然后他又独自一人待着，与她梦里相会，无人打搅，不受骚扰，轻松愉快，像驾着几片柔云，完全遁入自己的内心，与令人欣慰的他的爱情偶像欢会。 因此，有时他听到有人在转门把手的时候，就闭上眼睛，假装熟睡。于是来探视的人就踮着脚尖，蹑手蹑脚地走出房去，他听见门把手犹犹豫豫地关上了，就知道，现在他又可以重新跳进他温暖的梦幻之海中去游泳，让梦幻温柔地将他带向最迷人的远方。 有一次发生了这么件事：玛尔戈特已经来看过他，只待了一会儿，然而她的头发却给他带来了花园里浓郁的芳香，盛开的茉莉所散发的醉人的香味，以及她眼睛里喷出的八月骄阳的白色的烈焰。他明白，今天不能指望她再来了。那么，这个下午将是漫长而明亮的，他将欢快地在甜蜜的梦境中度过，因为大家都骑马出去了，所以没有人会再来打搅他。这时又有人在迟疑不决地开门了，他便闭上眼睛，装出熟睡的样子。但是进来的那位并没有退出去，而是没有一点声响地关上门，以免把他吵醒，在这寂静无声的房间里，这一切他听得十分清楚。现在，进来的人小心翼翼，蹑手蹑脚，几乎脚不沾地，来到他跟前。他听到衣裙微微的窸窣声，并听到她坐在了他床边。他浑身发烫，透过紧闭的双眼，他感觉到她的目光在他脸上游移。 他的心开始惶恐不安地扑扑直跳。这是玛尔戈特吗？肯定是。他感觉到是她，可是他现在不睁开眼睛，只是凭感觉知道她在自己身边，这种刺激就更加甜蜜，更加剧烈，更加激动人心，也更加隐秘，更加撩人。What is she going to do?他觉得，这几秒钟长得无穷无尽。她只是一直看着他，仔细观察他的睡眠，现在他毫无防卫能力，只好闭着眼睛由她去观察，他知道，若是他现在睁开眼睛，他的眼睛就会像一件大衣将玛尔戈特大惊失色的脸裹进他温情脉脉的眼神里。这种感觉虽不舒服，却令人陶醉，它像电流通过全身的毛孔，让人奇痒难当。但是他一动不动，只是压低由于胸口憋气而变得急躁不安、粗声喘气的呼吸，一门心思地等着，等着。 Nothing happened.他只是觉得，她似乎更低地朝他俯下身子，他似乎感觉到那股清香，他熟悉的她双唇上溢出的那股湿润的紫丁香的清香离他的脸庞更近了。现在她把自己的手放在他的床上——他的血像一股热浪从他脸上流到全身——隔着被子顺着他的手臂轻轻抚摸，动作不急不躁，小心翼翼，使他有种被磁铁所吸引的感觉，她的手摸到哪里，他的血便剧烈地流向哪里。这种轻轻抚爱的感觉真是妙不可言，既令人陶醉，又使人振奋。 她的手还一直顺着他的手臂在抚摸，动作缓慢，几乎颇有韵律。这时他贪婪的眼睛一眯，从眼皮缝中往上窥视。起初眼前朦朦胧胧，一片紫红，只看到摇曳不定的灯火映出的一片云雾，接着他看见身上盖的那条有深色斑点的被子，现在察觉到这只正在抚摸的手，它仿佛来自非常遥远的地方，隐隐约约中，他看见了这只手，只是一束窄窄的白色光亮，像一片明亮的白云，飘过来，又缩回去。他将眼帘的缝隙不断张大一些。这时他清楚地辨认出了她像瓷器般洁白、鲜亮的手指，看到手指微曲，向前摩挲，接着又往回移动，虽有引逗调弄的意味，但却充满了内在的活力。手指像触角似的爬过来，又缩回去，在这瞬间，他感到这手也是某种特殊的东西，活的东西，就像一只依偎着衣服的猫，像一只缩着爪子，娇态十足，呼噜呼噜地挨近你的小白猫，倘若猫的眼睛突然开始炯炯发亮，他并不感到惊讶。果然，这白洁的手抚摸过来时，眼睛不是在熠熠闪光吗？不，那只是金属的光泽，是黄金的闪光。现在，这只手又在往前摩挲，他看清了这光泽，那是一块垂挂在手镯上微微颤动的金属牌牌，那块神秘的、露了行迹的牌牌，八角形，一便士硬币大小。这是玛尔戈特的手，正在亲热地抚摸他的胳膊。顿时他心里升起一股欲望，要把这只柔白、未戴戒指的裸手抓住，放在自己唇上来狂吻猛吮。但是这时他感觉到她的呼吸，感觉到玛尔戈特的脸挨他的脸很近，他再也忍不住继续低垂着眼帘了，他喜出望外，满面春风，睁开眼睛盯住这张挨得很近的脸庞。这一下吓得她魂飞魄散，猛不迭把脸缩回。 现在那张低俯的脸投下的影子已经消失，亮光洒向那激动的花容，他认出了伊丽莎白，玛尔戈特的妹妹，这位不同凡响的小伊丽莎白。这一发现使他全身猛然一震，犹如遭到重重的一击。是做梦吗？不是，他凝视着那张刷的一下变得绯红的脸庞，她只好怯生生地把眼睛移开：这是伊丽莎白。他一下子就意识到那个可怕的误会，他的目光急不可待地往下移动，集中在她手上，果真，手上挂着那块牌牌。 他眼前，轻纱开始飞旋。他同当时的感觉完全一样，同那次晕倒在地时的感觉完全一样，不过他咬紧牙齿，他不愿失去知觉。往事统统压缩在一分钟内，闪电似的从他眼前飞过：玛尔戈特的惊讶和高傲，伊丽莎白的微笑，这奇怪的目光，那像缄默不语的手在将他抚摸的目光——不，这不可能发生误会。 他心里升起唯一的一线希望。他注视着那块牌牌，说不定是玛尔戈特送给她的呢？是今天，或是昨天，或是以前所送。 这时伊丽莎白已经在跟他说话了。他方才这阵超强度的回忆准是把他的面容弄得很难看，因为她惶恐不安地在问他：“你身上很痛是吗，波普？” 她俩的声音何其相似啊，他想。而对于她的所问，他只是心不在焉地回答道：“啊，是啊……这叫做，不……我觉得很好！” There was another silence.可是那个想法像热浪一样在不断地涌来：这块牌牌也许只不过是玛尔戈特送给她的。他知道，这不可能是真的，可是他还是非问不可。 “你这是块什么牌牌？” “噢，这是一个美洲国家的一枚钱币，我也不知道是哪个国家的。这是罗伯特叔叔有次给我们带来的。” “给我们？” He held his breath.现在她不得不说了。 “给玛尔戈特和我。吉蒂没有要。我不知道她为什么不要。” 他感到，他的眼睛一湿，眼泪快要涌出来了。他小心地将头别在一边，使伊丽莎白看不见他的眼泪。现在泪水一定已到眼皮底下，逼不回去了，正在慢慢、慢慢地从面颊上滚落下来。他想说点什么，但是又怕自己的声音由于啜泣得越来越厉害而变样。俩人都沉默着，互相都惴惴不安地窥视着对方。后来伊丽莎白站起来，说：“我现在走了，波普。愿你早日康复。”他闭上眼睛，接着轻轻一响，带上了门。 像一群受惊的鸽子，现在他和各种思绪纷纷飞向高空。此时他才认识到这次误解所造成的严重后果，他对自己所干的蠢事感到羞愧和懊恼，但同时也感到剧烈的痛苦。他明白，他永远失去了玛尔戈特，但是他觉得，他对她的爱丝毫未变，这种爱现在也许还不是绝望的渴念，不是对于不可企及的东西所抱的那种绝望的渴念。而伊丽莎白呢——他像是在火头上，把她的形象从身边推开，因为她的倾心奉献也罢，她现在抑制着的情欲的烈焰也好，对于他来说，都远不及玛尔戈特的莞尔一笑或者她纤手曾经与他的轻轻相触。假如伊丽莎白当时让他看到了她的真容，他是会爱她的，因为在那些时刻里，他的激情还是天真无邪的，但是在经历了千万次梦境之后，现在玛尔戈特的名字已经深深地烙在他的心里，他已无法将这个名字从他的生活中抹掉。 他感到眼前一片昏暗，连续不断的思绪在泪水中渐渐模糊起来。他竭力想用魔法把玛尔戈特的身影变到他眼前来，就像在他因受伤卧床的那些日子里，在那些漫长的寂寞时刻里所做的那样，但是这次没有成功：伊丽莎白怀着一双深深渴望的眼睛，总是像影子一样挤进来，这么一来就全乱了套，他又得重新把事情的来龙去脉痛苦地回想一遍。每当他想起，他曾站在玛尔戈特的窗前，呼唤她的名字，他就感到汗颜无地，对于伊丽莎白这位文静的金发姑娘，他又深表同情，在那些日子里他从未对她说过一句好听的话，也从来没有正眼看过她，那时他对她的感激之情本该像火一样喷发出来的呀。 第二天早晨，玛尔戈特到他床边来待了一会儿。有她在旁边，他浑身打起了寒战，也不敢看她的眼睛。她在跟他说什么？他几乎没有听见，他太阳穴里嗡嗡的响声比她的声音还大。直到她离去的时候，他才又以眷恋的目光将她整个身影紧紧搂抱。 下午伊丽莎白来了。有时她轻轻摸摸他的手，这时她的手上就传达出一种细微的亲密柔情，她的声音很轻，有点忧郁。说话的时候她心里总有点害怕，尽谈些无关紧要的事，好像她怕谈到自己或是谈到他的时候，会把秘密泄露出来似的。他真也说不清楚，他对她抱着什么感情。对于她，他心里有时像是同情，有时又像是