Chapter 5 silver paper star

I often write about autism, probably three or four times.In my opinion, autism is a unique pathology of our generation.In the era of frequent student movements, violent incidents of infighting often occurred.That is a unique pathology in the context of an era of excessive sense of justice and dense interpersonal relationships.Twenty years later, the weakness of interpersonal relationships and the sense of powerlessness of not being able to change the world have caused people to turn their homes into single-living houses one after another, shutting themselves at home without going out.When I was a student, I used to suffer from a slight phobia of people and was in a semi-autistic state, so I can empathize with this feeling.When autistic, others become distorted in one's own eyes.Sometimes, I feel that everyone is beautiful, but the next moment, these people become greedy again, and the world is so cold that they have no place for themselves.However, these are all fantasies generated in my heart.We always project our inner fears on others. When we look at others or the world, we actually see ourselves. I hope that one day, you can also break through yourself.

In the winter of his third year in college, he locked himself in this irregular heptagonal room.At first, he went to a DIY store and bought a vinyl sticker of the night sky, which he attached to the aluminum window panes.His room was located in the corner of the apartment, vacated on the main road downstairs, and the sunlight from the south side was dazzling all day long. He is quite satisfied with the effect of the stickers.In this way, it will always be night outside the window.Although it was still a long time before dinner, he lay in bed.As long as he wants to sleep, he can sleep for a long time.So, he started the life of living alone.I sleep eighteen hours a day, and when I wake up, I stare blankly at the window of the night sky.

In the first week, his parents didn't care about his self-isolation. He was the only child in the family. He liked to be lonely by nature and always indulged in his hobbies silently.His grades are excellent, and his brains and taste are not bad.It should be just a temporary depression in adolescence, as long as you let nature take its course, he will naturally open the door.However, to the surprise of his parents, a month later, the door of the apartment's new white building materials still has not been opened. His father was busy with work, so his mother persuaded him.His mother, with more and more gray hair, sat on the cushion and talked about his memories through the thin door.When he was just born, his cute face was very eye-catching; when he was in kindergarten, he was sickly and often caught colds; when he was in elementary school, he was so smart and cheerful.His mother knew the name of the classmate who gave him chocolates for Valentine's Day for the first time, and naturally talked about the vice president of the new gymnastics club he first met in high school.He sat in front of the white door, listening to his mother.Two hours passed, and the conversation turned to his future.Even if he keeps shutting himself in the room, he can't solve any problems. One day he must step into the society, find a job, and support himself.Parents cannot accompany their children to complete the journey of life. The so-called education is actually a necessary condition for cultivating children to live independently.

He knew very well that what his mother said was true and full of maternal love.He thanked his parents and knew very well that if he continued to be closed here, he would drift away from his college classmates who had already started to look for jobs.He was very anxious in his heart, but he couldn't move his body, he couldn't reach out to open the lock on the white door, and he couldn't respond to his mother's cheers.For the next hour, he listened to his mother's sobbing, and his own eyes turned red several times, but he didn't shed tears in the end. After the sky darkened, my mother left the door and began to prepare dinner.Exhausted, he crawled back into bed and fell asleep for eighteen hours without dreaming.

The hypersomnia lasted for three months, and the sleep time was longer and longer, and finally, in a day, there were only about two hours to get up and move.At this time of dawn, he tiptoed out of the room, took a shower, ate some food, and returned to the room again. During his period of self-isolation, the sight of his parents gradually became very scary, which made him unable to face it.Every morning is like a game of death.He sighed, went back to Liming's room, locked the door, and finally heaved a sigh of relief.He found a little pleasure before he fell asleep, that is TV, he likes the TV that shows pictures of nature in the early morning, and also likes to confirm the weather and the highest and lowest temperature of the day.

After sleeping, what awaits him is the season of insomnia.This is the result of some kind of compulsion, not the original cause of the insomnia.He read a few introductory books on psychology and knew that his symptoms were very common, but he just didn't want to move.It must be subconsciously wanting to stay in this room. In order to make the interior more comfortable, he began to tidy up the room. He rearranged hundreds of books on the shelves.Reality is arranged in the order of the author's syllabary, then in the order of the publishing house, and then in order of publication date from newest to old, from old to new, and then in order of price.

It took thirteen disappearances to finish these things, however, he couldn't give up halfway.He again followed the number of pages, whether the last page was even or odd (this time it was very simple, and it was over in 30 minutes), the order of the first word in the text, the ABC order of the author's name in Roman alphabet, ISBN The size order of the sum of the ten digits of the code.The cover designer's fifty-tone order is arranged.The arrangement of the books was beyond imagination, and he felt that he had discovered the new joy of books.In the twenty-seven hours since he started the arrangement work, that is, halfway through the arrangement in the way of book title solitaire, he fell into a coma.

He has almost as many CDs as books in his room.After the month of lining up the books, he has a month of lining up the CDs.The next month, he suddenly became very concerned about the relevance of the arrangement of books and CDs, and tried various combinations, which took another three months.As a college student, his room is only three square meters in size. There are summer and winter clothes, notebooks, electrical appliances, and cars collected based on personal interests.After he rearranged everything, he spent the next half year.Almost all the students in the university have found a way out to fully enjoy the little remaining student life.At this time, he copied the clothing labels into his notes and arranged them in order according to the content ratio of synthetic fibers.In order to adapt your body to polyester, you must start with a natural material and gradually increase the percentage.So he came up with a new way to arrange books.

Yes, it can be arranged according to the naturalness of style and material.For this, I need to read all the books again, but anyway, the time in the room is endless.He has discovered one thing - time stays in this room, and there is no problem of aging for static time. He puts on a 100 percent cotton T-shirt and trousers, and a 100 percent wool sweater (40 percent angora wool in it).Pick up a biographical literature about Siberian tigers that he thinks is the most natural.He read three books and fell asleep after noon.Stars shimmer against a blue velvet background.The silver star made him feel nostalgic the moment he saw it.

He woke up crying, looking at the vinyl-covered windows. The stars in the faded night sky are not as bright as the stars in the dream.In the room where every corner was rearranged according to his own preferences, he could not find the heart-stoppingly beautiful star. Since he had just woken up, his breathing was short and his heart was beating faster, but he still fell into thinking involuntarily.You must find that star, and that star is your guiding star. He has the peculiar innocence of young people, and in psychology, he likes Jung and even Freud.Although both theories are incomprehensible, liking it or not has nothing to do with the orthodoxy of the theory and its clinical efficacy.After that day, he began to work hard to find the stars.

The first thing he did was to unlock the aluminum window.That lock has not been opened for a year.Summoning all his courage, he turned the aluminum window 180 degrees with both hands.Of course, he didn't fully open the aluminum window.Thirty seconds after he opened it, it was quickly locked again. During the second time, he didn't breathe, his face was flushed, and the next goal was forty-five seconds.He looked at his watch and reached for the aluminum window again.A week later, during his waking hours, he was able to keep the aluminum window locks open. On the third day of the following week, he finally opened the aluminum window of the classroom.Two days ago, the heavy aluminum windows could not be opened as if they were stuck with super glue, so he had to give up. It was a bit cold that day, and it had been raining since morning.After finally opening the three centimeter gap, the wind blowing in, blowing on the tip of his nose, also blowing into her heart. Although it was a wet and cold December, the strange wind was soft and full of vitality.He hasn't had a haircut for a year.He looked at the gray sky through the gap in the window, took a deep breath, and then hurriedly closed the aluminum window, as if to block the deadly gas if one more breath was taken. After the next week, the time he opened the windows slowly increased.No matter how cold the weather is, he doesn't care.Whenever he was awake, he put on his outdoor thermal clothing and stood in front of the open window. Even if the weather is fine, the weather in the city is gray like a layer of dust.The roofs of countless buildings and dwellings jut out into the sky, displacing the horizon.The street is covered with a vaulted roof, and everyone who walks under this roof seems to have their own destination. Everyone was in a hurry, without looking sideways, and no one paid attention to him standing on the tall building looking around. He hadn't seen the opposite sex of the same generation for a year, and he couldn't help but feel a heart-wrenching sadness. Next Monday, the music in the shopping street changes to Christmas carols.He put on a 100% polyester jacket and stood under the clear winter sky. Looking down, I found a Christmas tree at the door of the bakery opposite.On the top of a Christmas tree that was almost as tall as a person, there was a star made of silver paper. In front of the dark blue poster, it shone like a star in his dream.He grabbed his wallet, which he hadn't used in a year, and walked towards the white door to get a closer look at the star.