Chapter 39 Chapter Thirty-Nine

When the admission list was announced, Xie Tingting was dumbfounded. Her name was ranked after thirty, while Xu Jia's name was ranked fifth.Suddenly, her body seemed to be hollowed out, she felt dizzy, and her limbs were weak. She never expected that the result would be quite different from her estimate.In fact, after the written and oral tests, she was always full of confidence, because some of the questions in the written test were basically what she had learned in college, and she answered the test papers with little effort. They are also frequently encountered in daily interviews. After she finished answering, she saw a few judges nodding frequently, and she thought it would not be too bad.But it turned out like this.That's all it is, there are strong players among the strong, and I think that I have done well in the exam, and there are people who are better than you in the exam. This is also a reasonable thing.The problem was that Xu Jia got the fifth place in the exam, but she was excluded from the list. This was a fact she couldn't accept no matter what.She knew Xu Jia very well.Xu Jia graduated from the Chinese Department of the Teachers College, and her writing skills are average. Strictly speaking, she is still a layman in journalism.Having worked with her for over a year, she knows her all too well.Sometimes, when she finished writing the manuscript, she was afraid that she would not be able to pass the test, so she secretly asked Xie Tingting to revise it again. Xie Tingting was not polite.Xu Jia is also very grateful to Xie Tingting for this. If someone invites her to dinner, she will definitely take Xie Tingting to go with her, which is also a kind of repayment.Of course, these alone are not enough to explain the problem. The key point is that in this exam, Xu Jia's on-the-spot status is really not flattering.She was sitting at the table next to Xie Tingting's. Xie Tingting was about to finish answering. She glanced at her at the next table, and there were several questions that were left empty.Seeing Xie Tingting looking at her, she motioned for her to reveal the multiple-choice questions. She had no choice but to show the papers filled with "√" and "×" to the side of the table for her to copy the answers.At that time, Xie Tingting thought sadly that this enthusiastic and unrestrained sweet girl might be eliminated.However, life is like a funny magician, when you mourned for her, now it is reversed and she mourns for you.Is this a coincidence or a human factor?Someone patted her on the shoulder lightly. She turned her head and saw Xu Jia's face overflowing with joy. She said, "Xu Jia, congratulations on your success."

But Xu Jia said without sympathy: "Tingting, what did you do? Why did you do so badly in the exam? You shouldn't be so bad. Did they give the wrong score? You should check it out." Xie Tingting's nose couldn't help sore, she tried her best to hold back her tears, bit her lip and shook her head, then walked towards the crowd, tears poured down.She didn't want to stay here. She felt that everyone was laughing at her and looking at her. She grabbed the bicycle and ran like crazy.Tears blurred her eyes, and she raised her hand to wipe them.In this way, she wiped while walking, and rode to Sisi's house. She knocked on the door and couldn't restrain herself any longer. She threw herself on Sisi's bed and burst into tears.

Sisi said: "What's the matter with you, what's the matter? Don't cry, what happened, tell me quickly!" The more Sisi tried to persuade her, the more she felt wronged and ashamed of herself.She didn't believe it, didn't believe it was true.She doesn't know other people's background, and she doesn't know Xu Jia's background?She was able to take the fifth place in the exam, but I was ranked after the 30th. How is this possible?However, the facts are like this, in black and white, clear and clear, and cannot be tampered with.what 's wrong?What is going on?She couldn't figure it out, couldn't figure it out.She just felt that from today onwards, she would no longer be able to face her friends, colleagues in the radio station, let alone Hu Yang.Even in an instant, she had the idea of ​​committing suicide. She felt that it would be better to end her own life than to be ridiculed or looked down upon.When she thought of this, she burst into tears, and the crying became louder and louder. Even if she wanted to restrain herself, she couldn't help herself.

Sisi on the side couldn't persuade her, so she let it be.She thought, let her cry!Or maybe it would make me feel better if I cried out the grievances and anguish accumulated in my heart.Sure enough, after crying enough, she felt that the lump in her chest had been digested and dissolved, and it was not as uncomfortable and cramped as before. Sisi opened a can of drink for her, inserted the straw into it, handed it to her hand and said, "Are you out of the list?" Tears welled up in her eyes again, and she nodded.Sisi said again: "Did you lose the election?" She couldn't help sobbing, and nodded with tears in her eyes.

Sisi handed her another napkin and said, "Think about it. There are many paths to choose from in life, why hang yourself on a tree." She raised her head suddenly and said, "There are ghosts in here." Sisi groaned, and echoed, "Is there a ghost? Did someone tamper with it?" She said, "Yes. He must have done it. Bastard!" Sisi said: "Didn't you say it was impossible last time? It is impossible for him to be so wicked. Now how do you conclude that he has played tricks?" She had no choice but to tell how Xu Jia read her answer sheet, how Xu Jia's usual ability and level were average, but she ranked fifth in this exam.At the end, he said: "If I didn't get my grades wrong, he must have played a trick. I won't overestimate myself, but I won't fall behind Xu Jia. I'm sure of that. .”

Sisi said: "Unfortunately, I was hit by my words. Tingting, what should I say, you are so kind. You think about others with a kind attitude, but others are not as kind as you. The matter is now, and you can say anything." It’s too late, so bear with it.” She said: "No, I must check my grades. Even if they don't hire me, even if I can't be this reporter, I will seek justice." Sisi said: "Easier said than done? Will they let you check the papers? Since they operate everything in secret, even if they ask you to check, you may not be able to find out." She still stubbornly said: "They won't let me investigate, so I will sue. I don't believe in a peaceful and prosperous world, and there is no place for me to uphold justice." She was about to go out as she said.

Sisi blocked her at the door and said: "It is said that the wind is the rain. You have to think about it when you go, who to look for first, who to look for second, and what to say. Besides, if you want to sue them, what evidence do you have? You said he was cheating for personal gain. , Said that he was retaliating, and if you can't produce strong evidence, others will not believe it, but will think you are making a false accusation. Stay for a while, calm down and talk about it." As he spoke, he dragged Tingting to the sofa. Xie Tingting stared blankly at the air and said: "It's tolerable, which is unbearable. Sisi, I really can't swallow this breath, and I really can't face people I know well anymore." The beads from the broken thread clattered onto the back of his hand.

Sisi comforted and said: "Tingting, don't think about it, there is still a long way to go, why judge a hero based on one success or failure? Besides, after all, those who are officially hired are a minority of the minority, and most people are not recruited. Anything else? If you’re really unconvinced and want to check your score, I’ll accompany you. If you’re in this state, I’m afraid you won’t be able to restrain yourself and quarrel with them, but it’s not good.” Xie Tingting said: "Thank you, Sisi, I must investigate, but I don't need you to accompany me. I'll settle my affairs. It's not good if you participate. Don't worry, I will never quarrel with them. I still have this kind of self-cultivation." Said, got up and left.No matter how hard Sisi could stop her, she had no choice but to say some comforting words and sent her downstairs.

As soon as Xie Tingting came to the entrance of the radio station, she ran into Li Xiaoyang, director of the FM station's acquisition and editing department.Xie Tingting wanted to avoid it, but it was too late, so she nodded to him as a greeting.But Li Xiaoyang stopped Xie Tingting and said: "Tingting, what did you do? According to your level, you can't do so badly in the exam. Did you make a mistake when registering the score? You should check it out." Usually, Xie Tingting has a good impression of Li Xiaoyang, thinking that he is a person who does business, is upright and fair, and has strong professional ability.At this moment, when she was easily despised by others, he still cared about her and encouraged her to check the score, which moved her very much and encouraged her.She smiled bitterly and said, "Yes, I just want to check with Director Fang. I don't believe I'm so much worse than Xu Jia." Li Xiaoyang looked around and said quietly: "If you want to find it, go to Tian Director, don't go looking for Fang." After speaking, he turned and left.

Xie Tingting was taken aback, she didn't understand why he didn't let her go to Fang Xiaowei, but to Tian Zhenjun, was it because there was something tricky about it?Or is it because Tian Zhenjun has great power?She couldn't figure out what the reason was, but one thing was for sure, Li Xiaoyang definitely told her this out of kindness.She thought, since he has given me a hint, I will follow his advice.Thinking of this in my heart, I am more grateful to Li Xiaoyang.Although it was a sentence, a suggestive sentence, to her at this moment, she felt that it was a kind of warmth and concern, a kind of friendship and understanding.She knocked on Tian Zhenjun's door, but she didn't expect that Ma Jie was also there, talking with Tian Zhenjun, and it was obvious that both of them were in a good mood.

Tian Zhenjun shifted his gaze to her and said, "Is there something wrong?" Xie Tingting nodded and said, "Yes." Tian Zhenjun said, "What's the matter, tell me!" Xie Tingting glanced at Ma Jie next to her and said, "Why don't you talk about it, I'll come back when I have time." But Ma Jie stood up and said, "No, no, let's talk, I've finished the report." Then she left. Tian Zhenjun set his sights on her again. Then she said: "Tiantai, can I check the paper for this exam? I want to check my score, and I have doubts about my score." Tian Zhenjun said "Oh", and said thoughtfully: "I have doubts, well... you said you have doubts, what do you doubt?" She said: "I don't believe that I will do so poorly in the test. Is it because I made a mistake when I recorded the score, or added the wrong score. In short, I think there is something wrong with my score and I want to check it." Tian Zhenjun said: "Xiao Xie, your suspicion has no basis at all. We all check the examination papers in a closed way. Our names, ID numbers, and examination room numbers are all sealed. When we are marking the examination papers, no one knows who is who. It’s also a few eyes staring at you. You can’t make a mistake. You can’t make a mistake. You think you didn’t do that badly in the test. That’s just your personal feeling. Many test cows have this feeling. Of course, they have this feeling There is nothing wrong with that, but feelings are feelings after all, and actual test scores are objective.” Xie Tingting said: "Even if I feel wrong, can I check the roll paper?" Tian Zhenjun didn't expect this girl to be so stubborn. After thinking for a while, he said: "The roll paper has been archived, and in principle it cannot be checked. Because a person like you who feels very good about himself but doesn't do well in the exam may be more than You alone, if everyone comes to check the papers, our work will be difficult. Besides, there is a precedent for the annual college entrance examination, and no one is allowed to check the papers casually. If it is allowed, there are so many people in the country. Candidates, among these candidates, there are so many people who overestimated themselves by mistake and went to check the test papers. Isn’t that a mess? Of course, unless you have a very good reason, we think it is necessary to review the work, it’s okay , that should also be reviewed by the organization, and the roll paper cannot be handed over to you to review by yourself." Xie Tingting could not help but blush as she listened.Especially when he heard such words as feeling good about himself, not doing well in the exam, and wrongly overestimating himself, as if he had been humiliated by being stripped naked in public, his head swelled up with a bang.Could it be that in their eyes, in the eyes of everyone else, I was just like what he said, a person who felt very good about himself, but actually did not do well in the exam?Am I one of those people who wrongly overestimate myself and mess around?No, no, I'm not that kind of person, however, you're not that kind of person how can you prove that you're not that kind of person?She originally didn't want to compare with others, nor did she want to betray others, but at this moment, she had no choice. In order to wash away the sewage that others poured on her, to provide a very sufficient reason, to return justice to herself, and to clarify the facts, I have to mention Xu Jia.She said: "Xu Jia sat at the next table to me. When I handed in the test paper, I saw that her test paper was still blank in many places. Why is her score so high? My answer is good, but the score is not good. That's bad. I don't know if that counts as an excuse?" Tian Zhenjun thought about it, and then said: "Well, it can't be regarded as any reason. First, why are you looking at other people's rolls? You look at other people's rolls. This behavior is not right in itself. Second, you see other people's rolls. There is an empty place on the roll paper, this can only be your own feeling, and feeling is sometimes unreliable! Xiaoxie, I think you are still calm and calm. You didn’t do well in the exam this time, so you have to treat it correctly! Opportunities, and then actively strive for." Xie Tingting bit her lips with her teeth, biting her lips tightly.What else could she say about that?She had nothing but humiliation, resentment, and injustice.She didn't know how she left Tian Zhenjun's office, how she returned to her home and fell ill. When she woke up, she was already lying on the hospital bed.The mother who had been staying by her side let out a long sigh of relief and said, "You finally woke up, you scared me to death." Seeing the fatigue on her mother's face, she really felt very guilty. She shouldn't be sick, and shouldn't let her mother serve her.She managed to squeeze out a smile and said, "What's the matter with me, how long have I been lying down?" Mom said: "Yesterday afternoon, you developed a high fever and kept talking nonsense. You were sent to the hospital for a whole day and night." She grabbed her mother's hand and said, "Mom, take a rest, I'm fine." Mom said: "It's good if you wake up, I'll get you something to eat first." Seeing the back of her mother leaving, Shu Tingting's heart twitched suddenly.My mother is old, and her hair has turned gray. It was dyed by the years, suffered by life, and worried about the children.My father passed away early, and my mother had to suffer a lot in order to bring her and her elder sister to adulthood.Now that they have grown up, they should have allowed their mother to enjoy a happy life. However, now, not only is she unable to create a happy life for her mother, but she can't even keep her own job. Thinking about it, I feel aggrieved again. After a serious illness, she was like a different person after she was discharged from the hospital.Sisi had visited her several times, and she smiled happily on the surface, but she was sad when Sisi left.After a few days of repeated thinking, although she didn't fully understand, at least she had a deeper and more thorough understanding of some problems.Only now did she understand how insignificant and light as a feather in personal power within the scope of power.Within this scope, there is only the law of obeying and being obeyed, and there is absolutely no distinction between right and wrong.The leader is always right, and what is wrong is also right. You must obey him. If you have any reason to say, even if you have thousands of reasons, it is still wrong, and what is right is also wrong.That's the rules of the game.If you want to survive well, you must first follow this rule, otherwise, it will be counterproductive, and you will even be beaten to death.Now, she has been hit badly.She is like a bird with broken wings, unable to soar high among the blue sky and white clouds, so she has to hide in a dark corner, grooming her feathers while waiting for an opportunity to escape.The silver capital no longer belongs to her. She is afraid of seeing every plant and tree here, afraid of seeing the neighbors, acquaintances, friends, and even Hu Yang, whom she loves deeply.She felt that she really had no face to see him again, all the self-esteem and face that a girl had were lost in this ruthless reality, and what awaited her would be the contempt and ridicule of her enemies, as well as the sympathy and pity of her own.She didn't need any of this, her only choice was to leave here, to leave the city that not only gave birth to her, but also touched her head and blood.When she decided on the plan of traveling, she suddenly felt a kind of loss that she had never experienced before, and she felt a kind of vague unwillingness.She carefully sorted out her train of thought again, only then did she understand where she lost and was not reconciled.So she spread out the manuscript paper and wrote a letter to Hu Yang.Once her thoughts entered Hu Yang's world, her tears could not stop flowing down again.This is the first man in her life who has broken through her confinement, and it is also the man who made her fall in love with him.If there are no waves of life, maybe she will become his wife and spend his life in love with each other.But now it doesn't work.She had to give up him, give up all the people she loved, give up this sad city, and escape as soon as possible, otherwise, after the last trace of self-esteem left in her life disappeared, she was afraid that she would really not continue to live courage. Tears blurred her eyes, and what she lost was irretrievable. She could only condense her self-esteem that had not disappeared into the end of the pen, looking for a beautiful excuse, and leaving a bright tail for her escape! After writing the letter, the tears were still flowing. She was unwilling, unwilling to bury this true relationship, but what if she didn't bury it?Her personality, her self-esteem, and her face do not allow her to face the past, she can only do this.This is a paradox that she cannot overcome, just like a high jumper cannot jump over her own body, nor can she overcome the inferiority and shame brought to her by failure and humiliation. She would rather face a strange future than To face the sympathy and pity of others. Character is destiny.Maybe her personality determines that she can only be like this, but not different. She cried sadly at first, and then thought angrily, did I just retreat like this?Did I just escape quietly like this?Is there no one who can uphold justice and return my innocence?She was also not reconciled, not reconciled to being defeated like this.She decided to write a letter to Peng Zhiqiang, the secretary of the municipal party committee, explaining how Fang Xiaowei wanted to use his power to engage in power-sex transactions, including her suspicion that the test scores were fake, and her request to check the papers was rejected.She was always skeptical about Xu Jia's being hired as the fifth place. She suspected that Fang Xiaowei had played tricks on it, and also suspected that Xu Jia had made some kind of deal with Fang Xiaowei, otherwise, the situation would never have been like this.However, because there is no sufficient reason, these are not mentioned in the materials. It is only stated that Xu Jia's grades may be false, and her grades may be mistaken. I hope the organization will verify it. Xie Tingting had interviewed Secretary Peng Zhiqiang in the past, and she felt that this is a rare leader who upholds justice and is upright and honest. The reason why she dared to directly report problems to him is based on this.She didn't dare to hold out much hope, because she couldn't produce stronger evidence, so she could only raise some doubts about some phenomena.After finishing writing, she felt a lot more relaxed, and seemed to give herself a comfort.After finishing writing, she thought of Tian Zhenjun again, what he said, and the tone of his contempt for her, and felt aggrieved again.In this world, her beautiful ideals and innocent personality have been trampled wantonly, she no longer has illusions, and she no longer has any hopes, which instead gives her the courage to fight to the end.The reason why such an immoral and incompetent idiot like Tian Zhenjun can sit in such a position is because he has entered the circle of interests.Since this is a circle that produces mediocre and corrupt officials, it is harmful to the people and the prestige of the party and the government. She has enough reasons to fight against it.Although she knows her power is insignificant, she always believes that the power of justice is strong.She decided to write an exposé and send it to the provincial newspaper.She just wanted everyone in the province to know the real situation in Yindu and what those people had done. In fact, before that, she had conducted unannounced visits to the account transaction, Su Juan's food and entertainment city, and Zhao Yongqiang's company. Although she couldn't say clearly about some inside stories, she could still give a general idea.The purpose of her collecting materials at that time was to write a report and poke it in the provincial newspaper.However, after learning about this level, she realized that this incident had involved the judiciary and the city's top leaders.What made it even more difficult for her was that she couldn't get some more specific and detailed figures, so she had to shelve the project temporarily.Now, when looking back at these issues, she no longer had the initial worries and worries. She decided to write a report and post the materials she had. To leave Yindu for himself, he "broke the boat" and cut off the way out. That afternoon, she sent the three letters separately.One was stuffed under the door of Hu Yang's house, the other was sent to Secretary Peng Zhiqiang, and the other was sent to the provincial newspaper.In the evening, she called Sisi and said she was going out for a while, and then quietly went to the train station.When the eastbound train drove her slowly out of Yindu, she really felt a sense of sadness that "the wind is rustling, the water is cold, and the strong man will never return once he is gone", and his heart was filled with infinite sadness.