Chapter 15 Section five

Still playing cards in Mengfei's room today.Jin Hong and I are on the side, Meng Fei and Lan Qizhang are on the side, the battle is 2:3. Talking and laughing while playing cards.Lan Qizhang and Jin Hong are masters of funny, because they have a lot of contact with people, and they have collected a lot of jokes.Since there are four of us playing cards together, the joke titled "Four" is worth reflecting on.The records are as follows: Four big sighs—the young lady is too expensive, the lover is too tired, the wife is boring, and you suffer for yourself; (Lan Qizhang) Fourth-class children - first-class children are blessed, second-class children are out of fashion, third-class children rely on luck, and fourth-class children are angry; (Jinhong)

Four hidden secrets - stocks are locked up, Xiaomi is soaked, stolen money is stolen, and Viagra fails; (Jinhong) The four major nonsense—it is nonsense to buy a house by salary, it is nonsense to rely on wife to satisfy sex life, it is nonsense to rely on work and political achievements to get promoted, and it is nonsense to rely on war to make the world peaceful; (Lan Qizhang) Four small inventions (also known as the rhetoric of some officials) - handcuffs flies, shackles mice, masks mosquitoes, and condoms cockroaches. (Golden Rainbow) Today's record is not bad, 3:3.Jin Hong and I have cooperated quite tacitly.What's more, more than 50 cards are already in hand.

Lan Qizhang also said, Deputy Mayor Zhang, your card skills have reached the point of perfection. I hope this is not a compliment. Still talking and laughing while playing cards.Many of the jokes that Lan Qizhang and Jin Hong said were things I had never heard of. There is actually a big truth in the little paragraph.Like these jokes: A lady called the architect and said her bed would shake whenever a train passed by. "That's nonsense!" replied the architect. "Let me see." When the architect arrived, the lady advised him to lie on the bed and experience the sensation of the train passing by.

No sooner had the architect gone to bed than the lady's husband returned.Seeing this, he asked sharply, "What are you doing lying on my wife's bed?" The architect replied tremblingly: "I said I was waiting for the train, would you believe me?" This joke was said by Lan Qizhang.It illustrates such a truth: some words are true, but they sound false; some words are false, but they are convincing. The Englishman shared a box with the Frenchwoman, and the woman, who wanted to seduce the Englishman, complained of being cold when she lay down.The Englishman gave her his quilt, but she kept complaining that she was cold.

"How else can I help you?" asked the Englishman dejectedly. "My mother always used her own body to keep me warm when I was a child." "Miss, there's nothing I can do to help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I?" My understanding of the joke that Jin Hong said is: a man who understands style is a good man, and a man who doesn't understand style is even better. Mike walked into the restaurant, ordered soup, and the waiter brought it to him right away. As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike yelled: "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter served him another soup, but he still said, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup." The waiter had to call the manager. The manager nodded respectfully to Mike, and said, "Sir, this dish is the best in our restaurant, and it is very popular with customers. Could it be that you..." "I mean, where's the spoon?" My realization: Correcting mistakes is of course a good thing.But we often correct the right ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is that the mistakes are added to the mistakes. 3:2, Jin Hong and I won. The jokes became more and more, and they became more and more obscene and dissolute. Even Meng Fei, who hadn't talked about jokes for a few days, opened his mouth.

Mengfei said, can I tell the most obscene joke?He looked at me as if asking for instructions.I said yes. "Then let me tell you," Meng Fei said, and he cleared his throat, "The title of my joke is "The Dirtiest and Dirtiest Joke"." He cleared his throat again. Jin Hong was impatient, so please speak quickly. Meng Fei said: "One day, I ran into my high school classmate Cao, and after chatting for a while, he said he had the most pornographic joke in history, and asked me if I wanted to hear it. I said: Well, if it's too pornographic, you can jump." Yes. Okay! he said, and went on: Listen, the story goes like this, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip... It's over! "

Everyone was stunned, and no one laughed.After a while, I laughed, but I was the only one laughing. Lan Qizhang said: "What's so funny about this? This joke is not funny at all!" I said, "It's witty and tense, and I think it's pretty funny." Lan Qizhang said: "But there is no content. I'll come up with one with content!" He looked at Jin Hong, "Have you heard of how brides in various places make their bed on their wedding night?" Jin Hong shook her head. Lan Qizhang said, "You haven't heard of it, let alone Deputy Mayor Zhang?"

I said, "Yes, I haven't heard of it." "Then let me tell you," Lan Qizhang said, "Brides in the Northeast miss their mothers the most on their wedding night, and they will keep shouting: 'Ah, oh my...good, really good, oh my... '" Lan Qizhang's voice was full of emotion, which made everyone who listened to us laugh. Jin Hong smiled and said, "What else?" Lan Qizhang said: "Brides in Beijing also have a strong sense of family affection. The difference is that what they miss the most on their wedding night is their collateral relatives, not their immediate family members; they will keep calling: 'Uncle . . . darling, good uncle . . . '"

Jin Hong asked: "Uncle? Why is it called Uncle?" Lan Qizhang said, "You don't understand?" Jin Hong shook her head. Meng Fei called and said, "Uncle is just comfortable." Jin Hong suddenly realized, "Oh, I understand." Then she laughed, "What else?" Lan Qizhang said: "Shanghai brides, they think that love is not restricted by age. As long as there is an economic foundation for love, it doesn't matter how old the groom is. Therefore, they will keep saying on the wedding night: "Hi! ...Old...good! Hunan brides are the most careful, they will keep reminding the groom on the wedding night not to forget the belt: belt...belt..."

Jin Hong was suspicious again, "Belt?" But she figured it out right away, "I know, I want it!" Lan Qizhang went on to say: "Brides in Anhui are the most simple. Although they have entered the bridal chamber, they still don't worry about the work in the field. Therefore, they like to say on their wedding night: happy... happy... work quickly! Sichuan brides like to eat hot pot , so they would keep shouting on the wedding night: Guo Guo, hurry up... Good Guo Guo (brother)! Shaanxi brides are tall and strong, but their waists generally seem to be not very good, so They like to yell on their wedding night: Waist...waist...hungry (I) pay back my waist!" After Lan Qizhang finished telling the joke, we were already rolling backwards and forwards with laughter.Two of my cards fell to the ground, and I was fined twenty points. Jin Hong refused to accept it and said that no penalty was allowed, since there was no provision for penalty for dropping cards.Lan Qizhang said that this is a routine, and there is a penalty of 10 points for each card.Jin Hong also wanted to refuse the penalty.I say fine, twenty points in exchange for a hilarious laugh, worth it. Lan Qizhang suddenly remembered something, "Oh, it's broken!" He looked at Jin Hong, "I forgot to ask where you are from! Northeast? Beijing? Shanghai? Or Hunan, Anhui, Sichuan, Shaanxi?" Jin Hong said: "I am not from these places. I am from Zhejiang." "Fortunately, I don't want to offend you," Lan Qizhang said, and he picked up 20 points and put them in the points he and Meng Fei got. "How do Zhejiang brides call their beds?" When Jin Hong heard this, he raised his hand and slapped Lan Qizhang, "I'm calling you tall! I'm not married yet." I was afraid that Jin Hong would quarrel with Feng Mingxing again like two days ago, so I hurriedly said: "Okay, play the cards and play the cards." Jin Hong played his cards. Lan Qizhang said: "Hungry (I) want it!" Everyone laughed again. Jin Hong said, "I'll tell you one too." She glanced at Lan Qizhang, "I'll make you laugh and drop the cards, and I'll punish you!" Lan Qizhang said provocatively, "Speak up!" Jin Hong thought for a while and said: "The old rooster and the young rooster. A farmer felt that his rooster was too old, so he decided to buy a young rooster, so that all the hens could be satisfied. , the old rooster thought that the little cock would take his place, so he said to the little rooster: "Well, let's run around the yard ten laps, whoever wins will prove that he is strong, and the hens will belong to him. The little cock Agreed. At the beginning, the old rooster took the lead and rushed out, followed by the little cock. The hens were all shouting for cheers. After three or four laps, the old rooster was exhausted, and the little cock gradually caught up. It surpassed the old rooster, and suddenly heard a gunshot, and the little rooster fell to the ground. I saw the farmer holding a gun in his hand, and said angrily: They sold me another gay chicken!" I laughed.Look at Mengfei and Lan Qizhang, but they don't laugh. Lan Qizhang said, "I've heard this joke before." Meng Fei said, "I've heard that too." Jin Hong sighed and said, "It's really boring." She played her cards in a low mood. Lan Qizhang looked at Jin Hong, looked at me, and said, "Deputy Mayor Zhang, why don't you come for a while? Make up for it?" "Me?" I pointed to myself, "No, no no." Jin Hong said: "By the way, Deputy Mayor Zhang, come here! We have talked so much, and you should also talk about it." I said, "I don't know many jokes, and they're not funny." Jin Hong said, "You talk first." Seeing their anticipation, I said, "Then let me tell a joke about college." Jin Hong said: "Okay! We rarely listen to jokes about college." I said: "There is a Master of Philosophy Department of Southeast University, because he couldn't find a job after graduation, and he didn't want to stay at home as a rice bug, so he had to go to the zoo to apply for a caretaker. Although he has already completed his master's degree, he knows the current affairs and is a brilliant man. He had no choice but to bite the bullet and work obediently. One day, all the monkeys in the zoo were sent to the hospital due to collective diarrhea. Monkey's fake fur suit, you feel wronged?! If you refuse, I have to ask you to walk. Although this master feels very unwilling, for a salary, he has no choice but to pretend to be a monkey to be happy with the children. While he was working, he suddenly saw a lion walking towards him, and he was shaking with fright. As the lion got closer and closer to him, he was about to lose his shit. When the lion came to him, the lion suddenly looked at him. He said: Hey, students, don’t be afraid. I graduated from the Department of Mathematics of Shanghai Jiaotong University. I only heard a voice from the bushes behind. Tree A said: We are from the Department of Business Administration of Beijing University of Science and Technology. Tree B said: Woooooo , Private schools can only act as plants, and the turf you are standing on now belongs to Beijing Finance College. At this time, a pile of "excrement" on the ground also made a sound: Your graduate students are not bad, like our undergraduates, we can only play poop. Huh !" After I finished speaking, I saw Jin Hong, Lan Qizhang, and Meng Fei sitting there sullenly, let alone laughing. "Like I said, my jokes aren't funny," I said. Lan Qizhang said: "I can't laugh, this joke makes me feel uncomfortable." Jin Hong said: "I never thought it would be so difficult for college students to find a job." I said: "I have a cousin who also graduated from college and couldn't find a job. Now he is rowing at the ferry in his hometown as a boatman." Meng Fei said: "Thinking about it, our generation of college students is considered good enough, and the country will be assigned after graduation." Lan Qizhang said: "As a technical secondary school student, I was able to be assigned to the newspaper office. What a blessing!" Jin Hong squeezed the cards in her hand, and didn't play out any cards for a long time, looking sad.Lan Qizhang said you are coming out? After Jin Hong played the cards, she looked at Meng Fei and me and said, "After this game, let's stop playing, okay?" Lan Qizhang said: "Why not fight? We will lose this round. At least one more round, let us win back." Jin Hong said: "These days we eat box lunch all the time, so it's time to go out for a meal." I said: "Yeah, okay. After this game, let's go out for dinner!" I thought for a while, looked at Meng Fei, and said, "Call everyone in the team." An hour later, apart from Feng Mingming who was on duty at the hospital, members of Yang Wanqiu's treatment leadership team, and my driver Wei Hai, they all appeared at the food stall on the street in Guangzhou.We were happy and wobbly, like a group of rural cadres who went to the city.There are many kinds of vigorous seafood in the glass tank of the food stall, which makes us salivate and can't wait.Jin Hong said, deputy mayor, you order food!I say you point.Jin Hong happily went to the glass jar and lit it. "One catty of Jiwei shrimp, one catty of oysters, one white eel..." While writing the list, the waiter tickled behind him with the holder of a pen.Lan Qizhang laughed when he saw it, and said that I remembered a joke about asking the doctor to order food.It is said that a doctor went to a restaurant to eat. When ordering food, he found that the waiter was always scratching his butt subconsciously, so he asked with concern: Do you have hemorrhoids?The waiter pointed to the menu and said: Please only order what is on the menu. We listened, but no one applauded.Wei Chaosheng, the deputy director of the Organization Department, accused Lan Qizhang of telling such filthy jokes while eating, trying to spoil our appetite? Lan Qizhang quickly retracted his tongue and said nothing more. When eating and drinking, everyone's appetite is surprisingly good.Delicious wine and meat pass through the intestines, making each of us feel refreshed. The streets of Guangzhou, where the lights are blooming, are full of traffic and resplendent.A number of expensive and luxurious cars flew past us. Wei Hai, who hadn't driven a car for a few days, couldn't help sighing: Really, I don't know that my car is not good when I go to Guangzhou! Wei Chaosheng went on to say: "If you don't come to Beijing, you don't know your official status." Jin Hong said: "I don't know what fashion is until I arrive in Shanghai." Lan Qizhang couldn't hold back any longer and said, "I didn't know I was in poor health until I arrived in Hainan." Meng Fei took a sip of his wine slowly and said, "I didn't know until I arrived in Canada that the population of a place larger than China is smaller than that of Beijing." I was also impulsive, and opened my mouth and said, "I didn't know that people have to give way to cows until I arrived in India, and I didn't know that only one child is better when I arrived in China." When everyone heard it, it seemed that the floodgates of imagination had been opened, and they all chattered together: "It's only when I'm in Japan that I realize that it's still very polite not to admit it." "It was only when I arrived in South Korea that I realized that football in Asia almost drove God crazy." "I didn't know until I arrived in Thailand that I saw a beautiful woman, so don't rush to hug her." "It was only when I arrived in Singapore that I realized that there was water all around me and I had to control other people's needs." "I didn't know why the Chinese can't sleep until I arrived in Indonesia." "It was only when I arrived in Afghanistan that I realized that wrongdoings cannot be sued." "You didn't know until you got to Iraq that pollution could kill you." "Only when I arrived in the Middle East did I realize that I couldn't tell whether human life or national dignity was more important." "I don't know how proud it is to be a man until I arrive in Arabia." "I didn't know that rat meat in a bag is also very tasty when I arrived in Australia." "I didn't know there was another way of rigidity until I arrived in Germany." "I didn't know that being molested can be very emotional until I arrived in France." "It was only when I arrived in Spain that I realized that being pushed up into the sky by a bull can still laugh." "It was only when I arrived in Austria that I realized that even a beggar can play a ditty." "I didn't know why Newton believed in Christianity until I arrived in England." "It was only when I arrived in the Netherlands that I realized that men and men kissing in the street can be so popular." "I didn't know that opening a bank account without $100,000 would be laughed at when I arrived in Switzerland." "It was only when I arrived in Denmark that I realized that I could write a fairy tale without drafting it." "It was only when I arrived in Italy that I realized that eating baked pizza every day would prevent blisters on my face." “It was only when I arrived in Greece that I realized that the charming places are actually ruined temples.” "It wasn't until Scandinavia that I learned that the sun also sleeps late." "It was only when I arrived in Russia that I realized that with such a large piece of land, there will be people who can't get enough to eat." "It was only when I arrived at the Vatican that I realized that a shot from anywhere in the Vatican would hit the birds of Rome." "When I arrived in the United States, I realized that no matter who you are, you will be shot." "I didn't know why Zorro didn't come out to mess around until I got to Mexico." "I didn't realize the importance of a river representing sovereignty until I arrived in Panama." "I didn't know that cigars have N flavors until I arrived in Cuba." “It’s only when I’m in Brazil that I know that I’m not ashamed to wear very little clothes.” “It was only when I arrived in Chile that I realized that it was very difficult for the train to turn around in the country.” "I didn't know until I arrived in Argentina that not knowing football can make people faint." "I didn't know that a tower can have so many mysteries until I arrived in Egypt." "I didn't realize the importance of saving water until I arrived in the Sahara." "It was only when I arrived in South Africa that I realized that I could be kissed by AIDS at any time." "I didn't realize that cannibalism is actually a need when I went to many African countries." ... Sophisticated and witty sentences gushed out from the mouths of those of us in Ningyang, like passing famous cars.They float on the streets of Guangzhou, adding a strange color to the night of this feasting city, but let us outsiders staying here happily.