Chapter 8 The first part, 20, don't forget Xiaoxi's self-report

I, Wei Xihong, everyone calls me Xiaoxi. I don't know where to start, and I don't know how the world has become like this.I'm afraid that many things will be forgotten in the future, so write down what comes to mind first, and store it in this Google file. Someone is following me.I didn't do anything, why would someone follow me? Maybe I'm jumpy, or maybe there's nothing like it, I'm paranoid. If it really happened, it must have something to do with Wei Guo.How could I give birth to such a demon king in chaos? He has scared me since I was a child. He has an angel-like face, lies, pleases the teacher, pleases everyone who is beneficial to him, bullies those who are weaker than him, and is cruel by nature.Yes, since childhood.Now, he writes whistleblowing letters, frames his classmates, scolds people, duplicity, and pretends to have ideal morals.Everything is what I hate the most in my life.

Is it his father's gene, or my gene, or my father's atavistic inheritance?Or is it a miscombination of the worst elements of the blood? He blames me for not telling him who his biological father is, which I can understand.He even scolded my friends in the cultural circles as monsters and monsters, and they were dubious, which would affect his future.He laughed at me for resigning from being a judge, thinking I was stupid and unworthy of being his mother. If it weren't for the severe crackdown in 1983, which made me clearly know that I am not suitable to be a judge, I should still be in the public security system.But in essence, it is probably impossible for me to adapt to this system.I studied law entirely to please my father.

My father can also be regarded as the first generation of judges in New China. He participated in the drafting of the Constitution of the People's Republic of China in the 1950s.I remember when I was a child, whenever my father came back, my mother said, everyone should be obedient and don't make noise.We are all afraid of him.Dad never hugged me.The person who is most afraid of him is probably my mother.In my memory, Mom didn't smile in front of Dad.After my father died, my mother was like a different person. She came back to life and even spoke louder.My mother didn't talk much about what my father did, and probably did a lot of tricking.

During the Cultural Revolution, my dad was also punished and sent to prison, only to be released because of a serious illness.In 1979 after the resumption of the college entrance examination, I graduated from No. 101 Middle School. Knowing my father's wish, my first choice was the Beijing University of Political Science and Law, which had just resumed the entrance examination. I wanted to be a judge after graduation.I thought I was republic judge material like my dad. I remember that my mother once persuaded me in private, saying that my personality is not suitable for studying law, and that I would study science and engineering without causing trouble.I didn't take it seriously at the time, and was angry with my mother.I wanted to make my dad happy, but I thought my mom was a housewife and didn't know much.How strange are people?If you are not good, you cater to him, and if you are good, you dismiss it, really heartless!

During the trial of the Gang of Four, I accompanied my father to watch the broadcast on TV.Dad's temper became worse during the Cultural Revolution, he was difficult to get along with, and often scolded us with harsh words.He was unwilling in his later years, and he was full of resentment when he died. When I was in college, the rightists were decapitated, the unjust cases of the Cultural Revolution were rehabilitated, even the Gang of Four was tried, and the state sent them defense lawyers. I was full of hope for the future, and I had great confidence in the law. I firmly believed that the Communist Party would rebuild a society ruled by law.

I graduated from university in 1983 and was assigned to work as a clerk in a county court under Beijing.My nightmare begins. I was 22 years old that year, and I went to work at the end of August. Others had just finished studying the document of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China's "Decision on Severely Combating Criminal Activities". They simply conveyed the spirit of the document to me and let me start working.I have never been able to bear the bad guys winning and the good guys losing. Of course, I very much agree with the party and the government to crack down on criminal crimes in a strict and fast manner. I think I will never be relentless.What I don't know is that the heavy and fast in my mind is actually far from fast enough.It may be that the psychological construction is insufficient, or it may be that the rule of law in my mind is far from the reality, and things will go wrong as soon as I start the work.

The normal situation is that the police arrest people, the prosecutor prosecutes, and the judge decides the case.In order to speed things up, the three parties, the public security, the procuratorate, and the law sent two people each to work in the Public Security Bureau. When a suspect was caught, the review, prosecution, and sentencing were carried out simultaneously.At that time, everyone didn't know what a prosecutor did, and our court sent two lowest-ranking clerks, one was a veteran, politically strong, but had never formally studied law, and the other was me, who had just graduated from school. Come out, and it's a woman.Basically, the chief and deputy director of the local Public Security Bureau dominates everything.

On the first day, I was about to collapse. All the big and small cases were sentenced to death, and none of them was murder.Those who robbed were sentenced to death, those who stole and cheated were sentenced to death, and those who complained about injustice and proved their innocence were ignored at all. There was a young man who committed hooliganism and slept with another girl. His family members came to him. The two sides scuffled and each suffered minor injuries. Kneeling outside the woman's house, begging the woman to withdraw the case, but the woman refused, and the case fell into the hands of our six-member team.I quickly said: "The crime is not worthy of death."The other five people looked at me without making a sound, as if they were blaming me.But because I said that the crime does not lead to death, I was finally sentenced to life in a labor camp in Xinjiang.After the interrogation that day, the Deputy Chief of Public Security picked up a report and said that dozens of people were shot at a time in other places. Look at Henan. Zhengzhou, Kaifeng, and Luoyang all shot 40 to 50 people at a time. Even in places like Jiaozuo, More than 30 people were shot at once, and we can't even reach double digits. What do you think should be done?Everyone feels a lot of pressure.The clerk who came with me at that time said that the crime of hooliganism and malicious injury was too light and did not conform to the spirit of the Central Committee.The chief of the public security bureau said, let's change the sentence to death, and let him catch up.Others agreed, but I was about to object when the chief of public security said, lesbian, don't be such a mother-in-law.His reprimand shocked me, you said how fragile I am.

Ten people were shot that weekend.I regretted it, saw my cowardice, and was angry for my compromise.What is the law for?Is this still called a society ruled by law?When I came back from the execution ground that day, I embarked on the road of no return in my life.In the second round, our two court clerks followed the police to various places in the area to jointly handle cases and arrest people, and then assembled at the county public security bureau for a court session.I have made up my mind that anyone who is not worthy of death will say that the crime is not worthy of death. On the record, one of the two court representatives opposes the death penalty, and the others cannot persist and have to change the sentence.But the number of people sentenced to death in this way has decreased, and everyone is worried that they will be criticized by the higher authorities.My unit called me to do my work, but I didn't listen.

I found out later that even if there were no accidents, the unit had already arranged to transfer me away.I was hit by a military vehicle in the county town at night.Under normal circumstances, in local areas, military vehicles rampage, and ordinary people can only accept their fate if they are injured and killed.However, even under normal circumstances, if the military vehicle hits someone from the public security department, there will be endless chatter.But that time, people from the military sent me directly to 301 Hospital for treatment, and our unit didn't really pursue them afterward.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I went through the resignation procedure and became a person without a unit.My mother didn't blame me at all. I became self-employed, and my mother and I opened a small restaurant outside the east gate of Peking University. The main products were hometown geese from my mother’s hometown in Guizhou.In the mid-1980s, Beijing was such a fascinating place, an era full of possibilities.The earliest regular customers of my restaurant were Guizhou people, especially some scholars and literati who came to Beijing from Guizhou.They brought Beijing writers, artists, scientists, and foreigners to eat and chat.My mother is hospitable, and I love excitement, like the hostess of a salon, the more people there are, the happier I am.They all call me Xiaoxi.We expanded the storefront and changed the name to Wuwei Restaurant.In the autumn of 1988, I met Shi Ping, and I fell in love. He's a poet, and I'm a total non-poetic person, but we're both temperamental.Shi Ping said that one day he would win the Nobel Prize in Literature, and I said I would definitely accompany him to Sweden to attend the award ceremony.Those were the happiest days of my life. However, the two of us didn't spend much time alone. Shi Ping liked to be with his fellow poets and artists, and there were many girls around him, but I didn't mind. The restaurant was packed every night, discussing issues, arguing, drafting manifestos, signing autographs, jealousy, drunkenness, vomiting.The police often came to the door, and my mother always had a way to send them away. A group of us went to live in Baiyangdian for a few days. Shi Ping and some of his buddies used to jump in the queue there. I returned to Beijing early because I felt that Shi Ping might have an unusual relationship with another woman, so I left with an excuse. I probably didn’t want to. Head-on collision.That night, the restaurant was closed, saying that it was because a group of scholars issued a manifesto in the restaurant a few days ago, and foreign journalists were present. I didn't know what to think at the time, but I ran to find Bancuntou.Bancuntou is my college classmate, who grew up in a high school. He can be said to be a red aristocrat. He looks like the world was brought down by his father, so it belongs to him.There are many such people in the Beijing compound.I heard that he was the most official among my classmates, so I went to him for advice.Another point is that when he was in college, he often hinted that I should be close to him. He thought that all girls liked him, but I didn't like his virtue.This time I was confused and thought I could use this old relationship to see if I could save my shop. I was already in a very bad mood, and I thought I had practiced my drinking capacity in the store, but that day I didn't drink Erguotou, but some Remy Martin. I drank too much, and I was not used to the strength of foreign wine, so I quickly became overwhelmed. I remember him Pointing to the picture of Gorbachev's visit broadcast on TV, he asked me: What do you think of Gorbachev?When I woke up, I was already in a bedroom. He was sitting on the sofa reading a newspaper, wearing only his underwear. I knew that I had slept with him. Was it to revenge Shi Ping?I don't think I will.It was Banbutou who got me drunk.He saw that I was awake and said, "Hey, this time you took me."I was a little angry and said: "Bancuntou, you are too tasteless!" He responded: "You are not Joan of Arc."Since I was in college, I knew that his gang would play tricks. I kept silent, held back my headache, went to the toilet and rushed my lower body, put on my clothes, and left without saying a word. In the days that followed, everyone was busy running to the square. Shi Ping read new poems in the square to support the students. Then the shots were fired, and Shi Ping and I were separated. After more than ten days, I was arrested and arrested, and then I was released when it was discovered that I was pregnant. I have been pregnant for more than three months. Because of the Tiananmen Square incident, I didn’t know that I was pregnant. At that time, I thought it was Shi Ping’s child, but I couldn’t be sure later. I live in my mother's old house, waiting for the baby to be born.People living in that courtyard are all people from the political and legal circles, and they all know about my affairs. We have to endure other people's dictates.Fortunately, at that time, everyone was like the rest of their lives, not daring to be troublesome. I haven't heard from Shi Ping for a long time.It was only later that I learned that Operation Oriole rescued him to Hong Kong, then went to France, and later married a French woman.Shi Ping never brought me a safety report. The child was born, named Wei Min, with my surname.When Wei Min was twenty years old, he changed his name to Wei Guo. The restaurant was closed for a year and a half, and in the autumn of the following year, it was notified that it could reopen.Is it the help of Bancuntou?I don't think so. My mother and I hurriedly opened a shop again to make a living.At the beginning, business was not good, the national economy was in recession, and many people in the capital were unemployed. Jiang Zemin even threatened to crack down on self-employment.Wuwei’s loyal customers failed most of the ideological inspections and were suspended by the unit. They had no money and no mood to go to restaurants.Another customer group is foreigners, who have not returned to China at this time.Needless to say, the winter of 1991 was cold. After Deng's tour to the south in 1992, the situation in Beijing got better again.At that time we were more focused on running the business and not doing salons or anything like that.My mother and I studied new dishes, improved the appearance of the store, and trained chefs from Guizhou. The business is getting better, but it is very tiring.My mother does the round at noon. I take my son during the day and watch the shop at night.Some regular customers came back gradually, they chatted in Dashan, and they ate dinner from 5:30 to 12:00, and I occasionally sat and listened, but they closed at 12:00, and there was no such thing as chatting until dawn.In the mid-1990s, freedom of speech at the dinner table was back.Listening to them, together with some banned books published in Hong Kong that they showed me, let me slowly understand the true face of contemporary Chinese history, especially the era that my parents experienced. In addition, Hong Kong and Taiwan compatriots and foreigners have also returned.Pete, I call him Xiaopi, came to this circle around the year Hong Kong was handed over to the motherland.Xiaopi is younger than me and very shy. He is a Beijing-based reporter for a foreign news agency. He loves to listen to my talk about 1989 and 1989. After we met for a few years, he formally asked me if I could be her girlfriend. I think He was very friendly, and no one showed love to me at the time, so I just stayed with Xiaopi, but I knew it was impossible to live with him forever. I didn't love him very much, so I refused to live with him. I married him, but I didn't agree. At that time, my friends all liked to talk about current affairs and criticize the government.So, I couldn't adapt to today. Suddenly, in the past two years, after the so-called China's prosperous age officially began, not only did everyone not criticize the government, but they were also very satisfied with the status quo.I don't know how this change came about, and there was a blank in my mind, because for a while I was admitted to a mental hospital, taking medicine and being confused, and I couldn't remember everything before and after. According to my mother, one day when I came home from outside, I yelled: "Strike hard again, hit hard again", she said that I stayed up all night, talking to myself, and in the yard early the next morning Scolding the Communist Party, scolding the government, scolding the neighbors, scolding the court is bullshit, that is the yard of the court system!It didn't take long for me to pass out and wake up already in a mental hospital.Wei Guo said it was all arranged by him, and he also said that he saved my life and didn't let me talk nonsense, otherwise it would be impossible to kill me if the crackdown was severe. After I was discharged from the hospital, the people around me have changed. I asked them what happened during the days when I was in the hospital. They didn’t know whether they were pretending to be confused or forgot, and they didn’t tell me clearly. To my shock, I Talk to them about the past, especially June 4, 1989. They don't want to talk about it, and they even look blank.When it comes to the Cultural Revolution, they only remember the fun of going to the countryside to jump in the queue, which has become a romantic nostalgia for adolescence, and it is not even a matter of recalling bitterness and sweetness.Certain memories seem to have collectively fallen into a black hole and never come out again.I really don't get it, have they changed, or is there something wrong with me? I am also wondering about the side effects of the anti-anxiety medicine prescribed to me by the doctor. Now I surf the Internet all day long, arguing with people under various names. I found that the cynics on the Internet are not all young people. They are all in their fifties and sixties. They grew up during the Cultural Revolution. They listened to Lao Mao's call that young people should care about national affairs, so they love to talk about national affairs all their lives.Most of them did not go to college, and they were working at the bottom of the society. They did not share the benefits of the reform and opening up. Now that they are laid off and retired, they all learn to surf the Internet. They can find like-minded people and outlets on the Internet. Their language is still the cultural revolution. Language, especially worship Mao Zedong, especially patriotic and anti-American, especially belligerent.As for the cultural enlightenment in the 1980s and the ideological debates in the 1990s, they have not affected them, and their thinking is still the same as the Communist Party thinking that has not changed.I only love to find them, go to their patriotic forums and classmates’ association websites, and argue with them. If I pretend to be factual and reasonable, and only talk about the Constitution of the People’s Republic of China, they will be very angry and attack me. I only know that this is done to tell everyone: Don't forget that the Communist Party is not forever great and upright as they themselves advertise. In fact, it is also telling myself not to forget. Of course, my post was quickly deleted, or not posted at all.But no one cares what they say. It must be that Wei Guo knew that I was doing this when surfing the Internet everywhere, and sued me again, so he was watched recently. I'm lonely and I can't trust anyone except my mother.It seems that a while ago, I met Lao Chen in the Joint Publishing Store. He used to come to our old store to chat. In my impression, he was a native of Taiwan, so I caught him and talked for a long time before I remembered that I hadn’t seen him in ten years. Now, he may not be the same as before.Now Taiwanese and Hong Kong people are not the former Taiwanese and Hong Kong people, so there is no change.I didn't say anything, and just left with an excuse. Unexpectedly, he also found my mother's new store, met Wei Guo, and my mother gave him my email.My mom probably still wants me to find a man to be with, and hope I don't go crazy anymore.My mother also had the illusion that I couldn't get along with people in China, so she wanted to introduce my compatriots from Taiwan and Hong Kong to me.What can I say to the elderly?How unfilial I am, I still rely on her to support me.Poor my mother, she has to face Wei Guo every day and take care of him for me. She doesn't even dare to use the computer in the shop when she communicates with me, and she has to travel all the way to different Internet cafes, so as not to let Wei Guo know where I am. .She never gives up on anyone, and if I have any good genetics, it all comes from her. Shall I take a gamble and reply to Lao Chen's email?How much I longed for someone to chat face to face, but the people I met in the past two years disappointed me, and I couldn't talk to each other.Will Lao Chen be an exception?