Chapter 10 91-100

91 I have never been able to figure out some of God's intentions, for example, he makes people idle and troubled until the final judgment in the foreseeable future, such as his design of human sexual organs, as far as I can see, at least for me, this is One design is extremely inconvenient, it can be seen that he has not done any research on ergonomics, I don't know why he did it, maybe he thinks that thing is not important, just put it in any place, maybe he thinks that it is placed on the body The most difficult place in the middle is more mysterious?Maybe—who knows?Anyway, the result of doing this has caused great distress to many people. If I were to do this, I would put both male and female penis on the side of the thigh, just like the side pockets of the current big bag trousers, according to male left and female right Or, do I have some more creative designs, like one on each side?If everyone has bisexuality, wouldn't the so-called moral issues of the relationship between the sexes and all related problems be easily solved? — or the waist?Or the arm?

Even the underarms are stronger than between the legs! Without further ado, what I want to talk about is another problem, that is, the depression caused by sexual repression. I am a person who loves biographies. Troubled by sexual repression, for thousands of years, almost all men have suffered from it and complained. In the world, there is no market for even the most fascinating spiritual love, and beautiful women can't think of making progress. A good life can be achieved by a smart woman who is not beautiful, at least she can make a living from it, and the glory of a famous man's life is not only to win wars, property and respect, but also to win the number of vaginas as a goal of struggle. , secretly running around for their own penis. Although the call signs are not well known to outsiders, their horrific figures can be imagined. How much precious time was wasted in this way. No wonder those who explore life Serious things like meaning, cosmic mysteries, etc. No one does that!

In my case - well, let's not talk about it, it hurts - I'll just talk about the consequences. Originally, the purpose of sex was only to produce the next generation, but now, the problem of sex is almost It has penetrated into all areas of social life, and it is enough to cite just one example—at present, sexual intercourse appears in social life as entertainment, which is so irrelevant to its original function!Forget it, let’s not talk about it, if someone can put my idea into practice, it will undoubtedly do a great deed to mankind.Or did he have other tricks, such as making intercourse an excruciating pain—as painful as pouring a bowl of lukewarm chili water down his throat?Not to mention it is more painful, let alone pursuing it, it makes people feel uncomfortable after listening to it——in a word, I think this matter is very important. In order to arouse everyone’s attention and inventor’s interest, and facilitate memory, I To sum it up with a common propaganda slogan in the Beijing blackboard newspaper - save sex, bring a lot of benefits, men and women mix together, lead spiritual life, explore the mysteries of the world, be influenced by art, the tradition of rice, oil and salt, still can not be forgotten, poverty Disease and hunger, industrial revolution to solve, eradicate sex hunger, the goal of the information age, rebuilding the relationship between the sexes, fashion has a long way to go, God's inadvertent move, the price of human beings is not small.

92 Sometimes, I like to write scripts. Because the scripts must comply with certain entertainment principles, they often feel very interesting when they are written. Be careful with the lost electronic watch. You accidentally lost that electronic watch. You thought it disappeared from this world. Unfortunately, your home is so big. It just hides in a place that you can't think of temporarily. There is always Then one day, you will rediscover it, if reality is material, then it must obey the law of immortality of matter, if it is spiritual, then it must obey the law of immortality of spirit, if it is neither matter nor spirit But if it is only its own words, then it also acts strictly according to the "law of indestructible reality", you can't make it disappear, if you want it to transform into another thing, then your efforts will be in vain in the end, this is my understanding of reality.

For me, Chen Xiaolu is a reality. At first, when I met her, I was affected by her every move, so all kinds of strange emotions emerged in my heart. I longed to see her, longed to talk to her, Desperate to sleep with her, ecstatic for her, sad for her, decadent for her, disturbed by her, confused by her attitude towards me, I guessed wildly, tried to judge our relationship, tried to judge me Analyzing her desires, I miss, I desire, I am jealous, I am suspicious, I am irritable, I am sensitive, I am anxious, I am helpless, I sigh, in fact, I know nothing about her, just hearsay about her The past, and some information about her present from her few words, but, as far as I know, it seems that it has nothing to do with our future, and I will realize this after a little calm down, however, From the day I met her to the time I waited for her in the restaurant, I never took her as a reality but as something else, I put her in another world with my imagination, I put her She is my angel, besides getting her, I still get her, it seems that if I get her, everything will be fine, just like the ending of the script I wrote, but what is behind those endings?I admit, I didn't think about it at all, it didn't occur to me that everything in the world has no end, that things just happen, happen, happen, without beginning and without end.That is to say, for me and Chen Xiaolu, I thought of a lot of things, a lot of far-fetched things, but I didn't think that she is a part of reality just like me. I don't think I should ignore the crucial thing of "reality" .

93 it's dark. I suddenly realized that it was getting dark and found myself in the dark. My surroundings are not only dark, but also silent. I feel deserted. So, I turned on all the lights and turned on the TV. I felt hungry. After writing all afternoon, I unconsciously drank a whole thermos bottle of water. When I picked up the thermos bottle at my feet, I found that it was empty , as in my heart. I picked up the thermos bottle, went to the service desk, changed a thermos bottle of boiling water, and then went back to the room.I saved the things I finished writing, turned off the notebook, went out of the room again, and went to the restaurant downstairs. The menu in the Chinese restaurant was good, but everything I wanted was gone, so I went to the western restaurant again, and I ordered A Malaysian-style fried rice, a glass of milk, a corn stew in cream sauce, a stewed beef roll, and then went to the commodity department to buy a box of 35 brand cigarettes, and returned to the restaurant, waiting for the food to come, time seemed very slow , the food can’t be waited for, I stayed around in the restaurant, the restaurant is quite big, the lights are a little dark, there is light music playing popular goods, and there are a few crappy landscape oil paintings on the wall that only restaurants can be ashamed to hang. , there are not many waiters, half men and women, wearing uniforms, with numb expressions, due to lack of proper training, they are extremely impolitely distributed in various conspicuous positions, making people look uncomfortable, as if they are guarding you It seemed that, besides, there were not many people eating in the whole restaurant, they were probably rushing to the buffet that had just ended, so they had to try a few more dishes.

I came to the phone and called Zhao Dongping. As I expected, he was taking a shower and ran from the bathroom to the room naked to answer the phone. He told me in a dissatisfied tone that this had already happened. It was the second time he ran out. Just now his wife called him, saying that he didn’t pay attention to shutting down the water in the bathroom tank before leaving at noon, so that when the wife came home from get off work, she found that the water was wasted and hung on the side of the toilet. The deodorant was all washed away. He asked me what I was doing, whether I was going to swim or not, and I said I was eating, and I would talk about it after I finished swimming. Another unsurprising thing when I called him was , Zhao Dongping boasted to me about the buffet he ate just now: "Eat all you want with salmon and prawns!" - These are his exact words.

I hung up the phone and went back to the dining table. The fried rice was served, and the taste was okay. The beef roll was disappointing. In order to wash away the strange smell of the beef roll, I ordered a small bottle of San Miguel beer and drank all the beer. But there is more than half of the beef roulade left, and the next corn stew is even worse. Fortunately, there is a glass of milk. I was so reluctant to go in, and I didn't want to wait alone inside, so I went to Zhao Dongping's room, and when I reached the door, I heard the loud TV sound inside, like a special program talking about the economic situation, accompanied by the host The sound of talking, and the faint sound of electric razors, the thought of watching Zhao Dongping shave, I immediately gave up the idea of ​​going in, so I turned around and went straight downstairs to the video game hall.

At the front desk of the game hall, I bought a 100 yuan steel jumper to play a game of flying a plane. I don’t know how to play this game, and I couldn’t find the enemy plane at all. , so I switched to a foreign martial arts game, and only played for a while, because my fingers had to tap the buttons constantly and quickly, and soon became sore, so I had to switch to a shooting game. Knowing the trick, every shot must hit, watching the enemy screaming "嗤嗤", one by one shot down, I can't help but feel very interesting, but unfortunately there are too many enemies, hitting and hitting, I don't feel that my eyes are so tired that tears come out, and the enemy is blurred , After wiping away the tears, he could no longer be sure, and finally used up all the game coins in his hand, so he left the game hall.

I went back to the guest room, opened the door with the key, and the phone rang. I rushed into the room in three steps at a time, picked up the phone, but it was busy. After a while, the phone rang again, and I answered it. It was Zhao Dongping. He asked me if I had finished eating, and I said yes, and he said he would come over to see the script I wrote, so I had no choice but to agree, and a minute later, he came in, his head smelled like the fruit shampoo provided by the bathroom, and he kicked his ass after he came in I sat on my chair, opened the notebook, and read it. After reading it for a second, I yelled loudly: "You are crazy, you have written an episode, why are you writing so fast, we still have to read Enjoy here and enjoy that!" Just as he finished speaking, he shouted again, "Ah! You have written so much in the second episode—you are completely crazy!"

I smiled: "It's done in a week, I promise." "then what do I do?" "You—you can enjoy yourself here, why don't you bring your daughter-in-law here?" "Nonsense, she still has to go to work!" "Then hang out on your own, I don't want to stay here for so long." "Don't, don't—write slowly, write slowly—I made some calls just now. There are girls here, expensive or expensive, but I don't know what they look like. Let's go to the karaoke hall later." "Success, you—you want to fuck someone else right after leaving your wife, I called your wife—" "I'm not afraid - besides, we're just going to have a look, and we don't know what to do with it. As I said earlier, don't be ugly, don't be too expensive, don't have a lot of things - hey, what do you like?" "It's not a beauty pageant, so never mind her." "I can't, I just go for beauty, if I'm not as good as my daughter-in-law, I won't fuck them, and they won't be able to do business." "It's not very demanding, I guess the girls there can satisfy you—" "Let me tell you, I like the kind of thin, white, small, soft, tender skin, big eyes, round buttocks, black hair—" "Thin calves, tight pussy—fuck you, isn't it girly?" "Yeah—I like pussy—" "You are such a beast." "Fuck, why are you pretending to be serious—" "I'm not pretending to be serious, I'm not interested in your hobbies. Well, if there is a girl like you said, you fuck her, I'll call her mother—" "Fuck!" Zhao Dongping's eyes sparkled with excitement, "I—fuck!—let's go." "I'm not going, I'm not interested." "Pretend again!" "I don't bring that much money, why don't you lend me some first?" This sentence finally hit Zhao Dongping's vitals, he immediately turned his excitement into silence, turned his silence into talking about it, turned talking about it into reading my script, and turned looking at my script into leaving in a hurry—— — it's really great! I closed the door he left open in a hurry, went back to the chair and sat down, faced the notebook again, lit a cigarette, looked at the watch, it was almost ten o'clock, and Chen Xiaolu's phone call hadn't come yet. I came to the phone, picked it up, pressed a few keys, put it down, and then went back to the notebook, ready to read what I just wrote, when the bathroom door opened, and Chen Xiaolu imitated Zhao Dongping's voice: "I Fuck—why are you pretending to be serious—fuck—let's go—fuck—pretend again!" Then came her slightly hoarse laughter from the mouth of a fairy. I turned around and was shocked by the scene in front of me. Chen Xiaolu was naked and barefoot, holding her silk bra and panties in her right hand, her patent leather backpack in her left hand, and wearing sunglasses. Locked the door, and then walked up to me: "Believe it or not, that's how I came here?" I stared at her, my blood soaring, I almost collapsed on the chair. Chen Xiaolu walked up to me, passed me, walked to the bed, threw the things in her hand on the bed, took off her sunglasses, walked to the window, pulled the curtain with a gap, then turned around, and once again Imitating Zhao Dongping's accent, he said: "Let me tell you, I like the kind of thin, white, small, soft, tender skin, big eyes, round buttocks, and black hair. The——thin calves, tight vagina—pussy!” While she was talking happily, she made her hands into orchid fingers, took the role of opera (she had learned it before), and pointed to the various parts of her body that were mentioned in turn, and met my fiery gaze, and walked to me. Not long ago, when I reached out to her and was about to reach her, I raised my hand and slapped me: "Fuck you, what are you looking at!" Just as I was about to say something, she pointed to the bathroom: "Go and look in the mirror, look at your greedy face, do you look like a writer? How serious are you? How deep are you? What about your right to speak, your inspiration, I tell you, you have to show me that you are talented today, or else my mother won’t let you get close—” Before the words finished, she fell onto the bed , quickly got into the quilt, only one head was exposed, "Don't be afraid, you can afford it——I have a big discount tonight, come—" What can you say about such a girl?Said she is cute?Said she was special?Said she was smart?Said she was beautiful and charming?Said she was a demon?Said she was exciting?Said she was extraordinary?I don't know, I can't think of it, I can't describe it in words, it's another flower, brilliant, brilliant, as breathtaking as a burst of colorful fireworks, and the boldness and vulgarity she displays is So decent, everything she expresses is natural, lively, and perfect—I can't think of a more appropriate name for her besides calling her a fairy. I can't remember anything after that, but one thing I do remember is that after she said the last sentence, I was so flustered that I almost asked the next sentence "how much?" 94 "You have to show me how to sit still, you have to perform, do it now, do it right away, do it right away—come on—don't think about it, don't think about it, it will be fake—" It's already late at night, and Chen Xiaolu is still teasing me. She seems to be a never-ending engine that can spin endlessly at high speed. This is another charming Chen Xiaolu. To be honest, I have been completely confused by her for a long time. fainted. But it wasn't enough for her to just make me dizzy, she also wanted to talk to me about other things, so at dawn, each of us had bloodshot eyes, but we didn't feel sleepy at all. Talking endlessly, I was lying on the bed, smoking a cigarette, and she was lying next to me, with her head on my chest, and her fingers were either fiddling with the ashtray on my belly or scratching my chest. . "Did you know that April is the cruelest month, when lilacs grow in the wasteland, mixing memory and desire, and letting the spring rain urge those dull roots—who said that?" she asked. "TS Eliot," I replied. "The wind blows lightly, and carries me home, little Irish boy, where do you stay?—who is this?" "TS Eliot." "The carcass you planted in the garden last year, did it sprout? Will it bloom this year?—Who is this?" "TS Eliot?" "I'm in a bad mood tonight, yes, bad, stay with me. Talk to me. Why don't you talk. Talk. What are you thinking, what are you thinking? What? I never know what you're thinking.— —Who is this?" "have no idea." "I'm still a writer—I don't know, let me tell you—or TS Eliot." "I liked Elliott too." "Put it on again." "I hate poetesses." "You lied to me." "I like Woolf among the women who write. She went crazy and committed suicide by jumping into the river—" "Do women still commit suicide?" "I can't remember." "Women just can't do it, even committing suicide is worse than men—don't you think so?" "I don't know, suicide doesn't necessarily mean that you can write articles." "What about homosexuality?" "Most of the writers I like are gay." "Who's gay? Who's there?" "Maugham is." "anything else?" "Gide." "anything else?" "It's too much—Proust." "Proust was gay?" "Of course, he is not only a homosexual, but also a masochist. It is said that he always talked to Gide about homosexuality at night. Maybe he went to see Wilde when he was dying." "Talk, talk." "I can't even remember." "Why are they gay?" "I'm not, how do you know?" "Think about it, think about it—how could Proust be gay?" "It is said that he got a few male prostitutes to lock him in his room, and he was not allowed to leave during the day. If anyone left, he had to ask him for leave and explain the reason. Some young boys couldn't stand being with him, and they didn't settle their bills. If he ran away, he would feel very sad, so he wrote his sadness in the novel, it is said that he did this in order to express his true feelings." "real?" "I read it in his biography." "Do you like watching Wang Shuo?" "I've probably read half of Wang Shuo's book." "How about it?" "Poor enough." "Are you saying Wang Shuo is gay?" "I don't know, I've never heard of it." "When I was in school, I loved reading Wang Shuo's novels. There was a girl in our dormitory who slept on my upper bunk. Watching Wang Shuo was crazy. She cried and laughed at other times. She looked like a lunatic. She was very beautiful. Then If she meets Wang Shuo at that time, she will definitely sleep with him, do you believe it?" "I have no idea." "You are not allowed to write books like Wang Shuo's to deceive little girls in the future, do you hear me?" "I can't write his kind of book." "Let me tell you—you should write about Haruki Murakami, have you seen Haruki Murakami?" "I've seen "Jump Jump"." "Haven't you read Norwegian Wood?" "I have it, but I haven't had time to look at it yet." "Go back and watch, go back and watch, it's very exciting, really exciting." "I seldom read novels now, I write scripts, and I rarely write novels." "Stop writing scripts, writing scripts is bad, you should write novels." "You can't live by writing fiction." "You're really worthless." "no way." "I have no choice but to write novels." "What about the money?" "Borrow it - idiot." "At the beginning, someone may borrow you, but after a long time, it will be useless." "I'll lend you as long as you write novels—they say you can write novels." "Let me think about it." "I have wanted to hang out with writers since I was a child and watch him write novels." "You're weird enough." "Let me tell you, if you write a novel, I will help you find an editor to publish it." "What are you thinking—how could an editor listen to you?" "Fool, I'll sleep with him!—if he doesn't, I'll sleep with him, and see if he does—" "What if the editor is a woman?" "Idiot! Find a male editor!" "I think you can do it." "Yes—I can do it, it's too easy for me." "Don't you—if you sleep with the editor, I won't write novels." "Well, if you don't think you need me, you can sleep with them yourself." "Me?—forget it." "Don't worry, even if I sleep with the editor, I won't tell you." "You—why did you ask me to write a novel?" "If you don't even write novels, what's the point of living!" "If you want to hang out with me, I'll write novels." "real?" "real." "You mean what you say." "I will not lie to you." "Now let me tell you why I slept with you the first time I saw you - I have read your novels, I read your novels at Daqing's house, I asked Daqing to introduce you to me - I don't know Why, I want to sleep with you after reading your novel." "You are so weird." "How did you start writing novels?" "It's a long story." "Tell me. Tell me." "When I was in high school, I hung out with a girl from another school. I wrote poems for her. Later, I started to write novels. One day, she said to me, now that you are young, you are my little writer. You belong to me. Wait for me later. When you grow up and become a great writer, you don’t belong to me anymore. Although her words sounded sour, I was very moved and started writing.” "What about her?" "Who?" "The girl who told you that?" "I broke up with me a long time ago." "why?" "Don't look down on me." "Is it the one you dumped?" "no." "Lied to me again—could you tell me the truth." "I did not lie to you." "Hey, let me ask you, is she the Alai you wrote?" "no." "Then what happened to her?" "I broke up as soon as I went to college." "What about Ali?" "That's what I met in college." "Is she pretty?" "generally." "do you like her?" "of course." "Why didn't she get along with you?" "I dumped her." "Cheating again." "I didn't lie to you, I said, I won't lie to you—" "Then, I won't lie to you in the future." "..." 95 That night in the hotel room, I think it was a great night, I will never forget it. 96 Everything is accidental, like a wish fulfilled, like a forgotten disappointment, like an ant trampled to death at the foot of a passerby, like a comet colliding with a planet, like a red rose in full bloom, like being blown away by the wind The sunset glow is like the moon covered by clouds, like the hell around you. If I do not know how to remember, if I do not know how to read written history, if I do not know how to observe reality, I will think that everything is inevitable, and I will lose my strength by chance. Inside the fireball, suddenly, the fire went out, and I was burned into a puff of smoke blowing in the wind, I was eloquent, I was at a loss, I didn't know where to end. I have a dictionary myself, and as I grow older, I have crossed out many words from it, and these words no longer have meaning to me. Over time, my dictionary has become thinner and thinner, and finally it has become a page, And that page was divided again and again, and finally there was only one word that had meaning to me, and that was "annoyance", it was my friend, whispering to me every day, even in my dreams, it never stopped .After spending the night in the hotel with Chen Xiaolu, my friend suddenly left without saying goodbye, and there was no news, which made me feel uneasy. As I said, I have always turned my back to life, everything about me exists on the back of life, I like the back of life, I stand there, unraveling the tricks of life one by one, and gaining boring pleasure from it, but, that night , the night that excited me, made me prefer to believe in the false than the real. That night, Chen Xiaolu and I came to the window, opened the curtains, and looked at the night sky while messing around. A full moon with no defects at all was suspended in the air, its color was orange, like a huge and turbid tear, Chen Xiaolu's two soft breasts were lying on the cold and hard window sill, and her eyes looking at the moon were more vivid. The moon was still clear and bright, and I heard her moan softly, like crying, as ethereal as music falling from the sky. 97 Twenty condoms were used up, ten episodes were written, and it took fifteen days. This was all the time I lived in that suburban hotel. Fifteen days and fifteen nights, the days were whiter than white paper And the night blacker than ink, each minute has its own weight and volume, each minute is well placed and precise, like each quarter-eighth note of a piece of music , every minute, every second, every minute, every second, is like a dancing and playful elf descending from heaven, every minute, every second, every minute, every second, grows The transparent and fresh wings are all chanting cute and charming spells, every minute, every second, every minute, every second, every minute, every second, whether it is cheap chemical fiber carpets, or poorly washed The clean sheets, the weird food, the blaring TV, the ill-fitting waitress uniform, the unplayable video game, the pool water that’s too cold, the rustic garden, the daily routine. The bland and inferior tea rationed daily, the sour love words, and the absurd and deceitful promises, can’t make me erase the feeling of happiness—fifteen days, every minute, every second, every day Fifteen days consisting of every minute, every second, every minute, every second, every minute, every second. 98 Fifteen days later, I finished work, packed up my things, got paid, and headed home. Chen Xiaolu was driving the car, I was wearing her small and small sunglasses, Wang Jingwen’s songs were playing in the tape recorder, and my luggage was in the trunk. We drove all the way back to Beijing like this, just like driving from the other shore to this shore. It's like driving back from a dream to reality. 99 The car was parked downstairs. I was about to get out of the car to get my luggage when Chen Xiaolu grabbed me. I stopped and turned to look at her. "I won't go up." "why?" "I have something else to do." "do you need my help?" "No, it's my own business." "Then, I'll wait for your call." Chen Xiaolu was taken aback for a moment, then laughed in a blink of an eye. "You really want to be with me?" She has a lot of habits in speaking, such as saying cohabitation as cohabitation, learning English as learning English, and so on. "What do you mean?" Chen Xiaolu laughed again: "Forget it, you will bother me in a few days." "Can I bear it?" "Then why do I bother you?" "Be patient too." "Let me ask you, have you fucked me enough for half a month?" "No." "Have you seen enough of me?" "No." "Fuck you, who are you lying to?" "Fuck you—didn't lie to you." "Come on, fifteen days! A writer fucks Emmanuel. Béar's done enough--or you ain't a writer." "I don't know if I'm a writer, but I'll start writing." "You take me seriously?" "I want to write it myself." "Go back and write, I really have to go." She looked at her watch, suddenly showing an impatient look. 100 I am very sensitive to the look of impatience. It can be said that the look of impatience is what I hate the most. The first time I saw this look was from a girl's face. At that time, she left me, but I didn't When I was up to date, I ran to her to find her, and I saw this look I called "impatient," which told me how cruel girls were to men they were no longer interested in. Tolerance - from then on, whenever I see this kind of appearance, I will be furious out of thin air, so angry that I can't control it. The other person probably didn't expect that more than half of this strong reaction was directed at me, because the look always reminded me of how insensitive and unreasonable I was, and how unreasonable a suggestion or request I made. How embarrassing, and how embarrassing my lapses in judgment, especially when I would suddenly realize that I dared to furtively fantasize about people and life again!I simply cannot forgive myself for doing this. When I was a child, I thought it very pitiful to be born with fantasies, because they were impossible to realize. When I grew up, my attitude towards fantasies was even worse, without any accommodation, and it was simply disgusting. It is said that it is impossible to accept insults from fantasy. This is because, for an ordinary person, he has nothing but self-esteem. If he accepts insults, he must give up his self-esteem. To be a slave, to be a slave, has no personality, and without personality, one becomes a tool of others, that is, loses any value of existence. The most unfortunate thing is that people are insulted mainly from fantasies, fantasies require people to have new demands on themselves, so hope is born, for hope, for the most worthless and shameless hope, people will actually run around for it , accepting insults, the result of doing so is usually that extremely unreliable hopes are finally shattered, and people in the process of running for them, because they are used to insults, finally lose their personality, become a material, and become a tool.This is my little experience. It is precisely because of this that I associated the impatient expression with these many things, so I suddenly felt empty in my heart, my eyes went dark, and I immediately felt like I was sitting on pins and needles. I stopped looking at Chen Xiaolu, said "Okay", and got off her Car, she pulled out the car key, followed, opened the trunk for me, I took out the luggage, put it on the ground, took off the sunglasses, returned it to her, and waved to her: "Then, goodbye." "Goodbye," she said, putting on her sunglasses. I walked into the building without looking back, came to the elevator room, pressed the button, and waited for the elevator to come down. I was very angry and frustrated. In order to calm myself down, I lit a cigarette and took a few puffs. For some reason, at the moment when the elevator was about to arrive, I threw away the cigarette, picked up the suitcase, left the elevator entrance, walked to the stairwell, and climbed up step by step. I quickly climbed the stairs, floor after floor, out of breath several times in the middle, and almost collapsed, but I kept climbing like an animal being whipped. I felt dizzy and my legs were weak. , my chest felt tight, but I still didn't stop, I climbed up to the 12th floor in one breath, I opened the door of the stairwell, and came to the front of the house, I put down the suitcase, sat on it, and took out the key from my pocket, suddenly, I Hearing the ringing of the phone in the room, out of intuition, I felt it was Chen Xiaolu, maybe she suddenly felt that there was something wrong with me, or because of other reasons, in short, I felt that the call must be from Chen Xiaolu, so I held my hand When I touched the key, I instinctively wanted to open the door. The moment the key touched the lock, I suddenly realized how impatient I was to act, which made my self-esteem unacceptable, so the action stopped abruptly, and my hands dropped, Everything falls by the wayside.The phone was still ringing, one after another, in order not to let myself open the door to answer the call, I walked to a window in the middle of the corridor, opened the window, glanced at the empty garden below, and threw a bunch of keys into the Downstairs, I probed down, only to see the key flashed in the air and then disappeared, and I couldn’t hear the sound of landing. I retracted my head, closed the window, went back to the door, sat on the suitcase again, and vomited for a long time. In one breath, the phone rang in vain. After five or six minutes, as I wished, it finally disappeared. I came to the elevator, pressed the button, the elevator rumbled up, the elevator door opened, I walked in, the elevator door closed, I went down to the first floor, walked out of the door, Chen Xiaolu's car was gone, I came to the garden, in a Looking for my keys in the weeds. I found the key very quickly. I walked upstairs until my heart was still. When I got home, I put my suitcase in the living room. Parts popped out, and I let out another breath, sighing and sighing until the beads of sweat disappeared.I looked around, and it was still the same as when I left that day. On the desk, the ashtray that Chen Xiaolu kept saying was still on it, and a cigarette with her lipstick on it looked as if it hadn't been completely extinguished.