Chapter 2 11-20

11 It is said that Zhu Ling was very moved by that drunken remark. The result of being moved was something I didn’t expect. After a few months, one night, I was reading an obscure book on film semiotics under the lamp, when the phone rang, I answered the phone, It turned out to be Zhu Ling, who was downstairs from me. I heard her say "Happy Birthday" to me on the phone. Then I remembered that it was my 27th birthday. Zhu Ling came in that day and gave me a bottle of Champagne, we drank the bottle of champagne in my room one by one, and then I fell asleep in a daze. Zhu Ling sat in front of my computer and read the script novel I wrote page by page , I just watched the dawn like that. After I woke up, Zhu Ling said to me decisively: "You should write well, and you shouldn't be fooling around."

Then, according to her suggestion, I packed up a change of clothes, took a few books that I often read from the bookshelf, and then moved those things into Zhu Ling's Nissan Mazda 323 sedan. According to Zhu Ling, the car The car has been in the parking lot for a year. If she doesn’t drive it, it will become a pile of scrap iron sooner or later, so I took her car and came to her house to live a so-called “clean writing life”. Life", Zhu Ling vacated a study room for me, she was busy preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner after another all day long, and brought them to my table lightly.

During that period of time, I lived a simple life. I didn’t think about anything except writing. When I was bored at night, I would go out for a drive with Zhu Ling. She and I often didn’t say a word, driving through lonely roads. street.After a few months, I wrote a 200,000-word novel. Zhu Ling read it and was very satisfied. I sent it to the publishing house. It was September of 1995. Then, Zhu Ling went to the United States. She has an old friend who made a fortune there, still remembers her, and is willing to marry her. Before leaving, she handed me the door key and said to me: "I don't know if I will come back this time. If you want, you can live here. I have settled the telephone bill, water and electricity bill with the property management. You Don't worry about it."

I returned the key to her and said, "I don't need it." I remember that when Zhu Ling took back the key, there was some sadness in her eyes. She touched my head and said to me: "You have grown up." Zhu Ling taught me many things emotionally, such as: don't deceive yourself, dare to face your most shameless thoughts, dare to act, and tell the truth afterwards.I had an affair with Zhu Ling's best girlfriend. Instead of yelling at me, she told me that I would have many girls in the future, but I might not be able to meet the real one. One day, she asked me to call her sister. She said that if I called her, she would never have sex with me again. If I called her, she would really care about me like a sister.

I didn't call. I loved having sex with her, I was obsessed with sex with women older than me, they tended to be nasty and daring, they got carried away, I loved seeing them straight out of bed, and I loved thinking back The difference between the two, I think that's just amazing! Zhu Ling also taught me some other things: making spaghetti, speaking dirty words, using lipstick to write notes on the mirror, being sincere to people, spending money generously, buying clothes that fit well, not complaining about bad luck, etc. Also, she always asks me to work, to write scripts, novels, poems, and everything that can be written, no matter whether those things can be exchanged for money, she said: "You can write, that is, you have a Decent job, don't lose this job, otherwise, you will become nothing in the world, it is not good to come into the world with nothing, and leave with nothing, like me."

I've always thought, until now, that she was an incredible woman. 12 After leaving Zhu Ling's house, I went down the stairs, got into a taxi, and drove to a hospital. I am not familiar with places like hospitals because I don't come here often.I signed up with many twists and turns, bought a medical record, and went to the urology department. The woman doctor who received me turned out to be a female doctor. She asked me, "What's wrong?" I don't know how to answer. She asked again: "Where is your registration slip?" I handed her the registration slip.

"You are--" "I slept with an STD girl—" "Did not bring--" "Did not bring." "What's wrong with her?" "I do not know either." "Is there something wrong with you?" "No." "when--" "Last night." "How about this, you bring that girl, I'll ask her what's wrong first, many venereal diseases have an incubation period, and now I don't know what's wrong with you—let's do a test first, draw some blood, and then—" According to the small note prescribed by the female doctor, I did some necessary examinations with anxiety. What should I do.

The female doctor told me that the test results will be available in a week. 13 When I got home, Xin Hong was already awake and watching TV. I sat down next to her, pulled out the marijuana, and threw it on the table. Xin Hong glanced at me: "Why did you go?" "Go out and get some weed." "Did you make it for me?" "You can smoke if you want." Xin Hong started to make marijuana cigarettes. She opened the envelope, took out the plastic bag, took out the marijuana from inside, cut off a small piece with a fruit knife, then took out a cigarette, poured out the shredded tobacco inside, and mixed it with the marijuana. Stuffing it back into the cigarette paper, she lit it, took a puff, and handed it to me.

"You smoke first, I'll stay for a while." "Did you have meal?" "No." "Your fridge is empty." "I know." "I lost weight and haven't eaten for a day." "Go out to eat in a while." Xin Hong looked at me, then turned her head to watch TV. After a while, she turned around again. "what happened to you?" "nothing--" "You were not like this yesterday." "a bit tired." "I remembered something—" "what?" "Today is my sister's birthday. We don't have to eat. I'll call her in a while to see what's going on with her."

"Row." I lit a cigarette and looked at Xin Hong's neck. Her neck was thin, white and long, very beautiful. It was the most beautiful part of her body. Xin Hong turned around, "Did I tell you?" "what?" "You are so comfortable here." "I never said that." The sky gradually darkened until it was completely dark. Xin Hong and I have been watching TV, news broadcasts, TV dramas, commercials, and special programs, changing channels on average every five minutes—at almost 8:30, Xin Hong stood up, picked up the phone, and called a number. As soon as he put down the phone, the phone rang in less than a moment.

Xin Hong picked up the phone: "Is it Amei? It's your birthday today—how do you want to celebrate it?——Big Party, great, where is it? It's not decided yet, so I'll wait—OK, call me when the time comes Just a word, I'm right next to this phone—yes, with him—not messing around, watching TV—" She suddenly turned her head, "Are you going?" "It doesn't matter." "Go, go and see." "Row." She turned to the phone again: "He goes, okay, I'll wait for your call, don't forget me—" She put down the phone and let out a long breath: "Finally I have something to do tonight." "Are you not going to the karaoke?" "Didn't you see, I have something to do today, my sister's birthday—" 14 We got in a taxi, and as soon as the car got in, the driver said he was running out of gas, so he went to Dongdan gas station to fill up the gas first, then turned back to Chang'an Avenue and continued westward. Xin Hong sat next to me, The taxi driver kept changing the tapes one after another, and he couldn't finish listening to any song. Finally, he found a platter and listened to it. It was "You at the Same Table" sung by Lao Lang. I sat next to Xin Hong without saying a word. "Are you unhappy?" "No--" "Then why are you ignoring me?" "No—I'll look outside." "You weren't like this before - did you bother me after sleeping with you? If you want to bother me, just tell me and I'll go by myself." I suddenly said, "Go by yourself—" "What's wrong?" "I do not feel well." "Where is it uncomfortable?" "I want to go home." Xin Hong suddenly yelled to stop the car. Before the car stopped, she opened the door and walked out, then closed the door with a "bang": "Crazy." The driver stepped on the accelerator, and I looked back. In a blink of an eye, Xin Hong disappeared from the rear windshield. 15 There are also countless beautiful human heads falling from the sky. They are the heads of some unknown girls, blinking their beautiful eyes, and then falling to the ground. Some have long hair, some have short hair, some wear headbands, and some Wearing hairpins, all so cute, I looked down and saw those heads rolling around on the ground, I heard sighs, I heard screams, I heard singing, and I saw tears - I woke up from a dream, lifted At first, when I saw the clock on the bedside table, it was exactly twelve o'clock in the middle of the night. Zhu Ling told me, don't hang out with escorts, and don't go if you have to. They are too dirty and troublesome. Zhu Ling is right, but I don't always listen to Zhu Ling, because she is her and I am me. I am not afraid of being dirty or troublesome, but I am afraid of being alone and having nowhere to go. Waking up at twelve in the middle of the night was unbearable for me because I was alone and because I had nowhere to go. I wanted to sleep again, but I was afraid of having the same dream. I felt headache, nausea, and sweating. I opened my eyes. After a while, I closed my eyes again. After a while, I opened my eyes again. Close it and repeat it until dawn. After dawn, I get out of bed and take a shower, then make hot coffee and drink, drink coffee, take a shower again, and then come back and drink hot coffee again, the reason for this is to wake myself up, but after I wake up, I feel bored again, when people are bored I get tired easily, and the best way to get rid of tiredness is to sleep, so I closed the curtains, climbed into bed, covered the quilt, and fell asleep peacefully. 16 A week after Xin Hong left, I was restless. A sitcom about computers I took was canceled because of my improper writing attitude. The producer changed to someone else to write it. Outlines and other trivial matters can also make me feel in a hurry, however, however—just like a scene change in a movie, everything seems to fall from the sky in just a second. When I wake up, I suddenly find that I am Sitting alone at home, dry mouth, bright sunlight outside the curtains, the floor is full of records, videotapes, ashtrays and empty potato chip cans, and all around me is silence, no No sound, no people, no phone calls, no work, no present and no tomorrow.Really annoying. I opened the drawer on the side of the desk, and there were about two hundred dollars in it, which was all I had now. I put the two hundred dollars in my empty wallet, and then called a producer of the TV station and urged him to hurry up. He hesitated and hawed some bills, so I kept making phone calls, and took the trouble to find all the people involved in the bills. Finally, two hours later, I could go to the station to collect my last 5,000 yuan remuneration. I brought my ID card, went to the TV station, opened the entry ticket, and after a series of twists and turns, received the reward, and then called Daqing. Daqing was sleeping at home at this time. Through the phone, I heard him use vague words The voice grunted "Come here", I hung up the phone, got out of the TV station, took a taxi, and came to Daqing's house near the Hangtian Bridge. He opened the door, then got back into bed, and continued to sleep with his head covered. I listened to his snoring, sat on his loveseat, watched his alarm clock ticking every second, and after a few laps, I fell asleep. 17 I like to find Daqing. I look for him when I have something to do, and I also look for him when there is nothing to do. Daqing doesn’t like to be alone. He would rather stay away all night and stay with me and other friends. He called that "Consuming". So, when we all have nothing to do, we get together and spend time.At first, we got together to talk about movies, about Schlöndorff, about Martin.  Scorsese, talk about Bergman, Fellini or Tarkovsky, then we talk about Heidegger, talk about Bohr, talk about Nietzsche, talk about Lyotard, talk about all those fashionable writers, talk about them When we find that everything is just talk on paper and has nothing to do with us, we change to talk about Beethoven, Messiaen, Bellini, and then the topic turns to Pissarro, Dali or Michelle On Angelo, of course, they have nothing to do with us, so in the end, we have nothing to talk about, just sit around and waste money. Among the group of people, only Daqing has a regular girlfriend who works in the company and her name is Wu Li.Wu Li is very busy with work, and it is just the opposite of Daqing's life habits. When Daqing sleeps, she goes to work, and when she goes home to sleep, Daqing has to go out. However, in Daqing's emotional life, Wu Li stands on a high ground. Daqing's nature likes all kinds of girls, but he can't leave Wu Li. When he thinks about the relationship with Wu Li At most, he thought about breaking up, but after thinking about it, Wu Li would have a new boyfriend after the breakup, and this thought could kill Daqing.Therefore, Daqing, who hangs around outside, often does nothing when it comes to girls. I personally think that Daqing's way of life is enviable, and he can be called by a name in Beckett's "Waiting for Godot"-the lucky one, yes, he is a lucky one who has emerged from the mud but not stained. 18 By the way, Beckett is one of my personal favorite writers. He is an Irishman. The world’s recognition of him can be summed up by the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1969. During his most tragic years, he once Living on the money earned by his lover's hard work, in order to get rid of Joyce's influence on him, he actually wrote his major works in French, including "Molloy", "Death of Malona", "The Nameless People" and "What's the Matter", these works are stereotyped, boring, full of monologues and ravings, and the protagonists are all completely hopeless, just like himself.It is said that he was always writing while drunk.The world began to really pay attention to him from one of his aforementioned plays "Waiting for Godot", because of this play, Beckett's life was improved, and he repeated his novel in the form of a play, but unfortunately The strange thing is that the world is only interested in his plays, while his novels are thrown aside. In fact, compared with his novels, his plays can be said to be utterly clumsy. Beckett said: Nothing is more ridiculous than misfortune. Beckett also said: The only content of life is depression. I like "The Nameless Man", the whole novel is narrated by an inexplicable creature named Mahoud, the narrator sits with his hands on his lap, in a water tank, incapable of movement, his head A large, smooth sphere with no facial features, his eyes were either teary or bloodshot, he had no nose, no male or female, no hair. Like all the characters in Beckett's works, Mahoud's need and pain come from one point, that is, to speak, and he has to keep talking, and he speaks to relieve the suffering caused by speaking.The content he narrates includes bits and pieces of knowledge and information such as his birthplace, such as about God, about sin and redemption, about his mother, and so on.He also told some intermittent stories, such as the story about him living in a tank outside a certain restaurant, etc. The last sentence of the novel is 120 pages long. Beckett was a pessimist through and through, and all he had done in his life was to communicate his pessimism to others.He talks hopelessly, and his imaginary audience listens hopelessly, nothing is hopeless, you can't be sure of anything in his rambling narrative, the protagonist has no antecedents and no consequences , there is no time, no place, and no so-called main event, character relationship, the protagonist seems to be doing something, and he doesn't seem to be doing it. In short, everything is chaotic, and the narrative is going on unremittingly in this chaos. Generally speaking, there is only one thing he wants to express in the novel, that is, nothing happened, nothing happened, since nothing happened, of course, there is no way to talk about it. I like Beckett's gibberish, yes, only gibberish is true, everything else is just plain incomprehensible and irrelevant.Beckett likes to exist in stillness, like me now, falling asleep on the sofa in Daqing, my body and my feelings are still at a certain moment, still there futilely and pessimistically, letting the night sweep. Yes, Beckett is right, nothing happened, and one after another, countless times nothing happened. Damn, this is hopelessness. 19 Daqing and I were woken up by Wu Li. It was more than nine o'clock in the evening. Wu Li was wearing a suit for office workers with a small bag on her shoulder. Put your feet on the tea table, light a cigarette and say, "I've been busy all day and I haven't eaten yet. Where shall we eat?" Daqing jumped up from the bed at this time, waving his fat arms: "Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, you say, Zhou Wen, where are you going? Hot pot? Sichuan pot? Hubei cuisine? Or Western food?" 20 I like being with Daqing and Wu Li, whether it’s eating, visiting a bookstore, waiting for Wu Li to try on clothes in a specialty store, or standing on the street looking around, the three of us travel together, and the three of us don’t talk much , especially when eating. During the meal, there is a reason why Daqing and Wu Li didn't talk much, because both of them are very good at eating. Wu Li ate very slowly, but very evenly, from the beginning to the end, without stopping in the middle. Eat for a while, stop for a while, hum a few times, and then eat vigorously. I eat a few mouthfuls here and there, smoke a cigarette, and smoke another cigarette. Seeing that the two of them are not stopping, I pick up my chopsticks eat again. so and so. One can imagine what it was like when the three of us sat down in the "Suiyuan" located in the east of the art museum. After the ants climbed the tree and finished eating the bacon with sharp peppers, the fish heads with chopped peppers, the small fried fish, the fatty sausages, and finally everything, and the ten bowls of rice, Wu Li opened her sleepy eyes with all her might. Sleepy eyes, said to us: "I'm exhausted, I work overtime every day, and I have to get up early tomorrow, I'll go back to sleep first, you stay here." After finishing speaking, as if pushing away some kind of obstacle, he pushed away Daqing's hand that he pretended to be concerned about, and left yawning. Daqing and I were speechless for a moment when we faced a table of dirty cups and dishes. Concentrate.