Chapter 20 191-200

191 It was past twelve o'clock at night, Yuan Xiaochen curled up on the sofa, internally and externally troubled, anxious, and fell asleep. Seeing her like that, I was so pitiful. I carried her to the bed and covered her with a quilt. I wanted to sleep next to her, but I couldn’t sleep. I put a pillow on my back, turned on the lamp, and sat next to her to read a novel. I turned my head to look at Yuan Xiaochen, and wept in my dream. For a moment, but what else can I do but cry?Better to wait for her to wake up and hear her tell me breakup and never see each other again, it will hurt least.At three o'clock in the middle of the night, I was also sleepy. I fell asleep in my clothes. I dreamed of Yuan Xiaochen. I vaguely felt that she had called me. There was no sound on the phone, only her even and calm breathing. I really like being on the phone Hearing her breathing sounded like she was actually breathing next to my ear.

192 Yuan Xiaochen didn't wake up until noon the next day, and everything was fine when she woke up. She didn't ask me anything, and she didn't argue with me anymore. She just cast a resentful look at me occasionally, or wanted to say a few words to me, But after saying a word, he stopped impatiently and stopped talking.On Monday morning, she went to work on time. I didn't go out at night, but she didn't come back overnight, and she didn't call. She came back on Wednesday night, and disappeared again on Thursday night. I called her, but the phone was turned off.I didn't ask her anything, probably looking for a man to take revenge on me.On weekends, my friends got together again, and I felt depressed, so I went out to hang out again. I didn’t come home until five o’clock in the morning, and found that Yuan Xiaochen’s business trip suitcase was missing, but other things were still there.

193 A week later, Yuan Xiaochen came back again. It was already summer, the leaves were too green to see through, the sun was dazzling, and there were already mosquitoes in my house. The news said that there was a flood in the south, what else?Everyone is more eager to have money than ever before, and there is nothing enough. It seems that there is nothing new about it. It was a weekend, and Yuan Xiaochen proposed to go for a drive, so we drove the car on the road. In the car, she told me some things about the company, and said that MBA is popular among white-collar workers, and many people want to study abroad. Management, so that there will be opportunities for promotion in the future. If you work stupidly in the company, you will only be eliminated by newcomers. There is no hope. These kinds of topics are usually talked about by her. .Later, she suggested to drive to Beidaihe to see the sea, so we drove to Beidaihe. She fell asleep halfway, and I insisted on driving to Beidaihe. It was the moment before the early morning. The darkest hour has passed, but the light has not yet come. The stars were shining brightly, the sea was shrouded in a layer of mist, the sound of the waves was one after another, the sea breeze blowing was damp, with a fishy smell, and there was no one on the beach, we got out of the car, Yuan Xiaochen wiped his face with a tissue, and then Standing beside me by the sea seems to be standing on the edge of another world.

"Walk on?" she asked me. I didn't answer, just stood where I was. I saw Yuan Xiaochen facing me, walking backwards towards the sea, her skirt blown by the wind and the waves rising behind her complement each other, making my heart poetic, as if returning to an ancient moment, the voice of despair hit The towering rock walls make people even more desperate when they return, everything is still so cold and monotonous, even after emotional embellishment and distortion, life can still show a little beauty and dignity before destruction. 194 I didn't die, I just fell asleep, I didn't wake up, I was just too discouraged, I'm thirty-three years old, but I still think I'm too young, why am I so young?

This is no joke, this is a depressive sentiment. It was like being tormented by a strong ominous premonition, and I felt helpless. It felt like I knew I knew nothing, but I walked into the examination room with the scalp, and I knew there was nothing I could do, but I still had to do routine things. Putting on airs, every day, I see the distance between me and Yuan Xiaochen widening, every moment one person may casually say to the other: "Let's break up." 195 We are less and less together, and we often make flirtatious phone calls with the opposite sex in front of each other. Yuan Xiaochen often receives a call and deliberately sets a date loudly in front of me. I wish I could say the time and place Twice, then draw eyebrows, draw eyes, float away, sometimes I can almost feel her trying to ask me to ask her, where to go, who to date, but I never give her this opportunity, I deal with this There is only one way to do this kind of thing, that is, when she leaves, I also walk out of the house. In many cases, she does the same.For the rest of the time, we spend time at home, one party does not go out, the other party is full of suspicion, and neither party is willing to go out first, the phone calls one after another, I answer the phone, say something, and wait Well, she is the same, in fact, we do not know what we are waiting for.

196 I could feel a feeling that it was almost over. In our daily life, we never mention anything about tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or next month. It turns out that we buy toilet paper and the like in big bags. We buy ten or so toothbrushes, and the discounted clothes that are out of season are even more expensive. Don't mention it, now, we live in a work shed, and we only buy enough things for what we need. Life in bed was also dominated by despair, unprecedented intensity and sadness, more than once, Yuan Xiaochen turned his back after the incident, crying silently by himself.

Perhaps a decisive word to ask the other party to change their minds can stop this situation, end the mutual harm, and make life look new, but we are all very strong people, and no one has ever said this sentence. 197 During the hottest days in summer, the air conditioner in the living room was broken. I would have gone to fix it a long time ago. I think Yuan Xiaochen would also do it. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was sitting on the sofa in the living room reading a book. I was dizzy and sweating profusely from the heat. Yuan Xiaochen occupied the bedroom and fell asleep. Taixin air conditioner, but found that the telephone line was occupied by Yuan Xiaochen, so he had to hang up the phone. As soon as the phone was hung up, Yuan Xiaochen's voice became louder, saying that the condition of the poor place where she lived was extremely poor. , it’s too hot to get out of bed, it’s better to sit in a car with a cold wind to feel more comfortable——Hearing this, my heart was filled with jealousy, and I was so angry that I spun around in circles, the thought of fixing the air conditioner was swept away, and I wished I could kick the door open Advise her to find a cool place to rest.

198 That night, Yuan Xiaochen answered a phone call and went downstairs. I was so hot in the room that I couldn't stay there. Out of a sore and unnatural feeling, I decided to go downstairs for a walk. As soon as I went out, I saw Yuan Xiaochen sitting downstairs. In the limousine, she was wearing a little vest she usually wears at home, and with a glance, I caught a glimpse of a guy in a white shirt and tie sitting in the driver's seat, who was Yuan Xiaochen's ex-boyfriend. I don’t know if Yuan Xiaochen saw me, anyway, the farther I was from that car, the angrier I became. I touched my pocket and found that I had the car keys on me, so I walked to my car not far away. I was wearing slippers and my upper body was naked. I just drove the car on the street like this. It was a bit of a backlash. I was catching up with the police to check the car. I didn't bring my driver's license, wallet, or mobile phone, so I couldn't help breaking up and was coaxed to the road. Waiting to solve the problem, there are more than a dozen people squatting there, there are black car drivers and outsiders without three certificates, or people who have been found out for drunk driving. Behind them is a lawn with piles of mosquitoes. I was stung seven or eight big bags. It was really embarrassing. Half an hour later, when it was my turn, a young policeman asked me what I was doing. I said I was writing. He laughed and sarcastically I said a few words, probably thinking that I haven't had the grace to drive a black car. When he was checking the trunk of my car, he found my novel and asked me: "Did you write this?"

I said yes, and there was a picture of me on the foldout. But that little policeman is my book fan and knows me quite well. He asked me: "Are you refusing to do publicity?" I said yes. The little policeman said that once, he saw the news in the newspaper that I was going to a bookstore to sign books, so he rushed to find me to sign, but I didn't go, and the trip was in vain, "I didn't expect to meet here , What a coincidence, what's the matter, sign it?" It’s too late to say anything at this level of gentleness, so I can only smile wryly, and while clutching the mosquito bag on my chest, sign him with the pen he gave me to record the statement, and the next scene is even more exciting. Huo, Yuan Xiaochen and her ex-boyfriend actually got out of a car intercepted below. The three of us looked at each other, not knowing what to say.I know that Yuan Xiaochen must also be very angry, because she does not have the door key to go home.

A policeman over there came over and said that he found my car number through the computer, "This car is fine, let's go." This little policeman here is still pulling me, trying to talk to me about my novel, and asking me what the girl in the novel looks like and why she keeps running with others, but it really annoys me, and I just want to point Yuan Xiaochen Show him a look. When I got back into the car, I saw Yuan Xiaochen standing not far away, hesitating, her ex-boyfriend was being interrogated, taking out his driver's license and taking out his driver's license. After a while, she walked towards me, opened the car door, and sat in the back seat without saying a word. On the next day, I drove the car home, feeling so humiliated and failed!

199 A few days later, I received a call from a female classmate, saying that she bought my book by chance at a bookstall, and insisted on meeting to catch up. Her name is Qin Zheng, and I had a few night stands with her when I was in college. There has been no contact for ten years. According to what she said on the phone, she is now doing real estate in Zhengzhou and is very successful. My book reminds her of her college days. It happened that she came to Beijing for business and wanted to have dinner together. Layer, according to her, where the steak is the most authentic.I put down the phone and let out a long sigh. It seems that the American A sociologist said it well. He said that no matter what kind of relationship between people in the future, they can always be reduced to sexual relations. I think if it continues like this, his prediction may really come true. On the basis of other relationships, there is no need to pretend. 200 Shiny silver tableware, white western dishes, neatly dressed waiters, and appropriate lighting. I sat face to face with Qin Zheng in the restaurant, and when she came up, she lamented that she was really old and could not compare with the little girl. "Look, I already have an old lover from ten years ago, how ugly it is to say that!" "A girl's dream has been destroyed by time, right?" "Hey, it's broken, it's broken, it's broken a long time ago, and I can't even cover it with money." Qin Zheng said with a smile, still looking so generous, "What do you eat?" "You want double, whatever," I said. When I met my old lover, I didn't feel like going back in time at all. Instead, I felt that life was going downstream. I watched her quietly while she was ordering food. From the outside, I couldn't distinguish her from the girl in my memory at all. Connected, now she has become a strong woman, her mental state can be seen from her confident and gentle tone of voice, I remember that she was willful and lovable ten years ago, she used to be with our group of friends We went on a spring trip to Yesanpo together, and at night we took the leader to steal the beer that the peasants had frozen in the spring water. After stealing, we had to get very drunk, and we didn't wake up until the peasants caught us and fined us a fine. I remember her finding and picking flowers in the weeds and screaming in the dark field, what else?Was she the one who sprained her foot during the group dance?In just ten years, she has become another person, determined and capable, but I can read her ruthlessness, loneliness and decadence from her dry busyness.