Chapter 13 121-130

121 Because of playing cards, I had a lot of awkward fights with Yuan Xiaochen. She sat next to me forever, her back was sore and her legs ached from boredom. When I talked to me, I ignored her, and occasionally said something, but she answered irrelevant questions. Later, she no longer participated in our meetings. Party, just waiting for me at home, unfortunately, I played night after night, and she complained, saying that she had to drive so far home just to be with me, but she couldn't even see my shadow, "I can't get past it" ? I often look at her like an old married couple, just like looking at countless pots and pans lined up in the future, so I don’t know what to say to answer her. If she insists on me, I sigh and say Say "boring".

Then, when the quarrel started, she immediately connected with herself and asked me, did she think she was boring?It wasn't until I answered no that she angrily ignored me. 122 After the arrival of winter, our enthusiasm for playing cards has not diminished at all, but has intensified. I seem to have lost my soul, rushing to the poker table every day, braving the wind and snow, never missing anything. Even when I am making out with Yuan Xiaochen, I can still receive calls So I flew up and walked away, so angry that Yuan Xiaochen was either yelling or crying behind me, but I didn't care about it. In Yuan Xiaochen's mind, there was only one thing comparable to her, and that was my career. It's a pity that so far, I haven't found any real career. I just rely on my cleverness to make a living in the society, and I don't think that being famous and earning money is a career that can be put on the table. It is nothing more than a secular society The monotonous and pathetic self-satisfaction that can be provided, generally speaking, is through monotonous and repeated successes, which continuously encourages personal selfish desires. I don’t know why, when I think of career, I think of fairy tales. At the end, I think of the unique Roman Empire in history. From emperors to civilians, from merchants to soldiers, each one is so ambitious that people can't match it. As far as I know, what is glory, holiness, responsibility, power, Words such as honor and greatness mostly appeared in that period, but haven't they collapsed long ago?But in modern Beijing, where can you talk about any career!I seriously thought that maybe messing around was the only career for a guy who wasn't trying to control or bother people.

123 I remember that Yuan Xiaochen cleverly found a time when I was clear-headed, and wanted to talk to me about my career. I said: "Think about yourself! I hope that whatever career you want to do starts with yourself, and make it easy for me. A role model, if you succeed, I will get something for nothing.” "Who are you talking about?" Yuan Xiaochen jumped three feet high, "I didn't spend a penny on you!" After all, Yuan Xiaochen himself was discouraged all of a sudden. I know that we are essentially the same kind of people, with strong self-esteem, low vanity, easy satisfaction with material life, and born poor. What career to discuss, anyway, there are a lot of people in this world who are busy with this matter, isn't there a bunch of bosses racking their brains all day long, trying to pack the so-called good things that others say into their pockets?In private, I always feel that those kind of people are either arrogant or not confident, so they always want to do something to prove that they are more important than others, and the two of us have long given up on this point.

124 One morning in early December, I came home from playing cards, threw the four small hot buns I bought downstairs on the dining table, walked into the bathroom, Yuan Xiaochen was brushing his teeth, saw me in the mirror, and I also saw myself like that. With a swollen and green face, before I could say anything, Yuan Xiaochen pointed at me with a toothbrush, foaming at his mouth, and said, "Don't talk to me!" I stood on the edge of the toilet to urinate, and the sound caused her to turn her head and look at me: "Oh, yes, I can pee myself, congratulations." "Same joy, same joy, don't you too?" I said with a smile on my face.

"Win or lose?" "Win ten yuan, save it and buy you four buns, go eat." "And you?" "I ate downstairs." "You know how to enjoy it enough, you must have eaten tofu nao! Open your mouth and let me see." She glanced, "There are still yellow flowers between the teeth! Bastard!" "Hey! After a night of hard work, you only get an early meal. Life is so cruel! Why don't you go down and eat a bowl?" "Where can I be in time-today is the first day of work, I have to leave quickly." "Changing jobs?"

"Ah." After saying that, she put some oil on her face, went out of the bathroom, stood by the table and ate the buns in two bites, kissed me again, and said "goodbye" to me with the smell of pork and green onions ", hastily left. I don't know why, I feel something is wrong, what is wrong, I can't tell, I took a hot bath, then went to bed, and when I closed my eyes, the sky full of poker licenses fell from the sky, I was too busy to understand I can't make sense of it. 125 From that day on, Yuan Xiaochen never talked to me about her work again. In my impression, the new job made her travel frequently, and half of the time in a month was out of town. Yes, the royalties are settled on time, like solid

Fixed wages are just as reliable, and there are also some piecemeal script work, you can do it as you want, and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, so you don’t have to be tight at all, and I don’t have Yuan Xiaochen following me like a shadow, so there are more nightlife, and sometimes I will go to the gang The girls I knew complained about the cold winter and the twelfth lunar month, and the sleeplessness at night. In short, life was relaxed and heartless. 126 Our gambling life came to a sudden stop, the poker game was suddenly boring, and it ended as quickly and without a trace as it started, and the poker game was replaced by alcoholism, usually when a group of people sat in a bar and started chatting, saying While talking, someone suddenly stood up for no reason, slapped the table, and shouted: "Get a bottle of vodka!"

And so, the alcoholism began. There are also some girls who participate in our alcoholism. They often start with red wine, and before they know it, the red wine is replaced by strong wine. There are some literature and movies mixed in, but most of the literature and movies talk about the relationship between the sexes, so the topic changes from the relationship between the sexes to the relationship between the sexes. At that time, horoscopes and fortune-telling suddenly became popular in society. A good angle, superstitious and nonsense, paired with alcohol, can make the conversation messy and chattering, add palm reading, and finally turn into hugs, a sofa for three people can barely squeeze five or six people, In addition, everyone is wearing winter clothes to show politeness, so they look chaotic and not lewd. Among them, the newly divorced old decadent is the most appealing. I don't know whether it is because the girls really love him or pretend to love him. In short, I like to rely on him to hurt Drink, say some nasty words that you can’t see in the text messages on the mobile phone, and we will warm each other together and survive the long winter.

127 At the beginning, I often received calls from Yuan Xiaochen, who told me that I was eating lamb kebabs in the cold but lively streets of Xi’an, or eating beef heads boldly in a steaming restaurant in Lanzhou, or driving by the seaside in Sanya, which was warm and pleasant, because I often In the bar, I couldn't hear the phone clearly, so I stopped making calls gradually, and just let me know before I came back.Office workers work very hard, and basically have no free time at their disposal. Everything about employees is bought out by the company, from lifestyle to dreams. I vaguely remember Yuan Xiaochen talking about buying a big house by installments by himself, so the current job related to import and export is a public relations and sales job. Once the negotiation is completed, the commission is very high. There are also dividends. In addition, the reason why she started this job may be just to cheer herself up. I understand her thoughts very well-you are young, and there will always be a desire to make money in your heart every now and then. Anger, just toss and toss.

128 Sometimes I compare my life with Yuan Xiaochen's, and I can't help but feel that I am not really active. We are equally busy and tired. I am for entertainment and for the present, while she is for work and the future. Conclusion, she believes in a future of material abundance outlined by fashion culture, and believes that it contains safety and happiness. I don't believe it. I have experienced the days when living conditions have improved. Cars, however, that kind of satisfaction or dissatisfaction is entirely based on the comparison with others, boring and philistine.I feel that the future is written in the books I have read. History, destiny, obedience and frustration, arrogance and destruction are all buried deep in each cemetery. A handful of ashes occupies a small place. A tombstone with a name written on it is a future far away from the world, like the naming of a small piece of land, accompanied by the breeze and bright moon, and the ups and downs with the earth floating in the universe, thinking of that dark, desolate and silent place In the future, my ambition will turn into decadence.Life seems to me to be nothing but discoveries, good and evil, for which I have neither special power nor the novelty that youthful passions can enjoy, for good I am grateful for, and for Evil, I am submissive, what else can I do?

Well, here's everything I have: food, housing and sex.What else?Some smiles after being drunk, some joy after making a fool of themselves, some sophisticated and ambiguous sadness, some can only be so muddled. 129 However, there is also Yuan Xiaochen's smile, she always moves me when she smiles, as if she is happy for me. One night, when I came home drunk, Yuan Xiaochen was lying on the bed, listening to the northwestern wind blowing outside the window, watching TV while eating half a watermelon, I sat down next to her, she put the watermelon under the bed, A cold spoon touches the tip of my nose. "Aren't you crazy about running outside again? You're an old man, and you're still so obsessed with staying out at night, don't you think you're young?" she said. "Didn't I come back?" I pushed her spoon away, "Hey, did you have dinner tonight?" "I ate it. I made myself a chicken curry in the microwave. There is still half of it left. You can heat it up for lunch tomorrow. It's delicious. Look, my stomach is full." Thick fleece pajamas come and show me. I took her hands, broke her fingers and said to her, "This little pig stays at home, this little pig goes to the market, this little pig is boiled in water, this little pig is braised in soy sauce, this little pig is added to the market." Roasted with salt, this little pig is yours to eat, this little pig is mine to eat, this little pig is kept for food, this little pig is for the cat to eat, this little pig is not allowed to eat.” She happily followed me to read, and then she read faster and faster, and with slurred speech, I only heard her waving her fingers and shouting loudly, "This little pig is braised in soy sauce! This little pig is braised in soy sauce! This little pig is for me to eat." ! This little pig is for me to eat!" "Why is it all braised in soy sauce for you to eat? You ate all of it, what should I eat?" "I eat, eat, eat, eat." She laughed like a child, silly and cute, moving her mouth as if she had already eaten. 130 At noon the next day, I was eating Yuan Xiaochen’s leftover chicken curry when I received a call from her company, saying that she was going to fly directly to Guangzhou at night and would not return until four days later. It was said that I would travel to several places, Dongguan, Panyu Something like, "Don't have an extramarital affair while I'm not here, keep your phone with you, I'll check on you at any time, do you hear me?" "heard it." "Go free." She hung up the phone.