Chapter 45 Chapter Forty-Five

This is a fine and sunny day, the sun shines patiently and gently, not in a hurry because it is not warm, as if it will stay for a long time this afternoon, and will not leave even in the evening. Sitting on the balcony of her home, Lou Hong felt that she had merged into the sunshine.Her mood was peaceful, but a little sad.She didn't know the source of this sadness, so she dismissed it as something special about herself.She looked at everything she could see outside the window, and did not stop the still fresh past from suddenly returning to change the scenery in front of her.Geng Lin, Liu Yun, once she could think of the woman who scratched her, her face became clear for the first time in front of Lou Hong's.But none of these caused Lou Hong to be particularly excited. She was like a spectator who always calmed down after things happened.She was even so sure that nothing or anyone could easily break the peace she had now, and she felt that she was already an old person.

It had been several days since Geng Lin wrote her a letter, she read it once and put it aside.She felt that this letter was the best end to their relationship, cutting off the last unbroken thread of love, which was too weak to bear any heavy objects. And today is such a good weather, the sun makes people have good wishes: send a blessing to those you like, like the audience on the radio ("Hi, host, I want to send a blessing to My sister and brother-in-law, I wish them..."); Forgive those old friends or acquaintances you still hold grudges; Make a phone call to greet the old parents in different places, do they still have enough money for a restaurant...··Lou Hong Her thoughts were running around in this afternoon, and she suddenly thought, should I write a card to Geng Lin, wishing him and the woman he met in the bar, she believed that they would get married one day, even though they have Or mutual sympathy.

"Forget it." Lou Hong dismissed this sudden thought after thinking about it, "They don't need my blessing, and I don't have to bless them, why make myself so hypocritical!" Thinking of this, Lou Hong realizes that the person she doesn't want to see the most now is Geng Lin, no matter whose husband, father or grandfather he is.When reading this letter, Lou Hong was indeed moved.But now she's embarrassed by how she's been moved, she's longed for something solid like never before - solid feelings, solid words, solid life... Lou Hong's father left work early.He coughed deliberately when he was about to approach his daughter, because he knew that her daughter had a tendency to be frightened.

"Why so early?" Lou Hong asked back. Lou Hong's father didn't answer her, but sat in the chair next to her. "In my impression, this seems to be the first time that my daughter Lou Hong sat quietly on the balcony alone, bathed in the sun, and meditated on her future." Lou's father deliberately turned a few words. "Come on, Dad, usually this place is always occupied by you and my mother, I have no chance." "There will be no more chances in the future." Father Lou said in a low voice. Lou Hong understood what her father meant and looked out the window.After a while, she turned to look at her father.

"Reluctance?" Lou Hong tried not to let her words be sharp, "Isn't this what you have always hoped for?" "The passport is completed, and the visa will be returned there, so just wait now, and everything will be fine." Lou's father explained to his daughter as if he didn't hear her daughter's words. "Thank you, Dad." "If...if you don't want to leave now, it's fine." Lou Hong's father put his hands on his daughter's shoulders, "You are free at home, and this is your life, you should choose for yourself."

"Don't worry, I haven't changed my mind." Lou Hong smiled comfortingly at her father, "When I started to go through the formalities, I didn't really want to leave, but I couldn't see any other way out, I just wanted to escape, now I am calm Now, I can live well anywhere, so I really want to go out. In fact, I live the same everywhere, the United States, China, what is the difference?!" "Come and pick up your mother with me, and then the three of us will go out to eat and celebrate." Father Lou wanted to lure his daughter away from her gray mood.

"Celebrate what, Dad?" Lou Hong said, "Celebrate my leaving the family?" "Xiaohong, you..." "Okay, dad, you and mom go out to eat, anyway, after I leave, you two should take care of each other." When she said this, Lou Hong already knew what she was going to do this afternoon, she was inspired by this idea, So impatient with Dad, "I'm going to see someone." "Who?" Father Lou asked subconsciously. "Father!" Lou Hong shouted dissatisfied. "Okay, I'm sorry, don't ask, don't ask." Father Lou leaned his head on the back of the chair and said with a sigh, "Why does my daughter grow up?!"

When Lou Hong came to the street in front of Liu Yun Hospital, she couldn't decide whether to go in directly to find Liu Yun, or wait here for her to come out. Anyway, she was motivated by a strong desire to see Liu Yun.She hesitated, looked left and right, and suddenly realized that the place she was standing at this time was the place where she was scratched by another woman. A young man with a broken head, supported by another young man, covered the wound with his fingers, and hurried past Lou Hong.Lou Hong had an inexplicable feeling, not knowing where she was going for a while, and suspected that she really wanted to see Liu Yun.

She waited for herself, so she just stood there quietly.Pedestrians on the street walked in their respective directions without any haste, and the fruit sellers also lost their enthusiasm for eating and drinking. They just searched for those who went to visit the patients. One of them had already noticed Lou Hong, and from time to time Glance at her. Gradually, everything in front of her eyes became blurred and distant, as if this place was just a place she had visited in her dreams, and what happened in the past was a little unreal.Lou Hong left where she was standing and walked straight towards the hospital.She didn't know when she stopped hating Liu Yun, and she didn't know if that was why she wanted to see Liu Yun so much.Many things attract people because people haven't figured it out yet.

Lou Hong inquired all the way to the ward, and it happened to be the visiting time, so she found Liu Yun's office without any trouble.The door of the office was open, and Lou Hong saw Liu Yun changing out of his white coat without knocking on the door.When Liu Yun turned around and saw Lou Hong, the movement slowed down like a slow motion in a movie.Nurse Xiao Zhou looked at Liu Yun, then at Lou Hong, and then at Liu Yun.This reminded Liu Yun, she smiled at Lou Hong: "Come in." Liu Yun pulled a chair for Lou Hong. Lou Hong walked in, but didn't sit down.She leaned on the back of the chair and turned to look at the nurse Xiao Zhou, who immediately greeted Liu Yun sensiblely and left.

"Is there anything you can do for me?" Liu Yun asked kindly. "I want to talk to you," Lou Hong said, "are you off work now?" "Ah, yes, I'm off work." Liu Yun didn't expect Lou Hong to take the initiative to talk to her, and seemed a little flustered. "Then let's get out of here first?" Lou Hong tried her best to test Liu Yun, as if this was her fiftieth visit to the wives her husband had affairs with. When Liu Yun and Lou Hong left the hospital together, Liu Yun noticed the scars on Lou Hong's face and neck. He felt deeply sad for Lou Hong and regretted that he had caused so many things to happen. They came to the street in front of the hospital again, Lou Hong looked around, trying to find a place to sit down. "There doesn't seem to be any quiet place here." Liu Yun said apologetically, "I don't know where I can go to chat nearby." "It would be nice if you were still behind me." Lou Hong said softly.At this time, some pedestrians passed by them, and they couldn't help turning their heads to look at Lou Hong again.Seeing this, Liu Yun felt a little uneasy, but Lou Hong smiled at Liu Yun, as if saying, "I'm used to it." Liu Yun suddenly made up his mind and took Lou Hong home.She was afraid that this street would bring back Lou Hong's memories, and she was also afraid that someone with a lot of trouble would look at Lou Hong with such eyes. "Go to my house." Liu Yun said. "Is it okay?" Lou Hong was a little surprised. "no problem." Liu Yun opened the door for Lou Hong. Lou Hong walked in and stood aside cautiously.Liu Yun put a pair of black embroidered slippers in front of Lou Hong's feet.Lou Hong is no stranger to this pair of embroidered slippers, although she has only been here once.Afterwards, she followed Liu Yun into the living room, thinking in her heart whether she should tell Liu Yun about her visit here. Lou Hong sat down on the sofa in the living room, and Liu Yun went to the kitchen to make tea.Lou Hong looked around at the furnishings of the living room, as if a head-on big wave rushed to her feverish mind: Even if all her memories of this living room were washed away, she could still make judgments on what she saw—this is a A living room that has been badly damaged.There are holes on the floor that were smashed by heavy objects; there are still nails for hanging pictures on the wall, but there is no picture frame; there is no TV, only one speaker still has scars... Lou Hong closed her eyes, guilt twitched in her heart: -- This was done by Geng Lin, there is no doubt that Geng Lin did it for me, maybe indirectly... -- What Geng Lin got from me was quarrels, doubts, and even disbelief that he still loves me... --Because he is so weak!Now I can't say that anymore, but even if I misunderstood him, what can I do now to make it up? !It's all over, isn't it?Geng Lin... --I wrote a letter myself; how did I treat his letter? I used to despise him for expressing himself like that. He will always do everything he can for me. What is this called?Twenty years later, I have expressed my determination, what should I say now?Am I too cruel?I should at least believe that he was sincere when he wrote this letter. Why should I mock him twenty years in advance? ! --Lou Hong, you are too cruel... Thinking of Lou Hong here, tears have blurred his vision.Liu Yun saw all this and didn't ask questions right away.She first put the tea in front of Lou Hong, and then fetched a clean towel for her. Lou Hong covered her face with a towel and cried for a while, then wiped away her tears, looked at Liu Yun who was sitting peacefully opposite her, and remembered the first time she saw Liu Yun picking up a coat for her in the bar. "Sorry, I'm a little sad." Lou Hong said. "It's okay, I sometimes cry for no reason." Lou Hong turned into a fish, just got out of the guilt net woven by her own conscience for Geng Lin, and plunged into another guilt net for Liu Yun.Liu Yun was robbed of her husband by another woman, and when her husband came back and smashed her home, Lou Hong didn't dare to think about it anymore. She felt that Liu Yun sitting in this damaged living room was like a mournful cry.Her peaceful appearance made Lou Hong feel even more uncomfortable, making her unable to guess how much the marriage had hurt Liu Yun. Lou Hong took a sip of tea, and the two of them hadn't spoken for a long time.Lou Hong seemed to sense Liu Yun's expectation of her, she should say something, she was the one who came to the door first. "Can we talk to each other in trust?" Lou Hong asked. Liu Yun nodded with a smile, his attitude was that of a big sister to a little sister. "Don't you hate me?" Lou Hong asked. Liu Yun shook his head immediately. "Actually, I wanted to ask you that too." Liu Yun said honestly. "Because of my face?" Lou Hong asked bluntly. "I'm really sorry for you, Lou Hong, these things didn't have to happen. I really hated myself and completely lost my mind." Liu Yun watched Lou Hong say these words, showing great courage.And this courage comes from a new impression of Lou Hong.Liu Yun couldn't match the sensible and understanding girl in front of him with the girl who scolded her on the phone.She felt that the poor girl before her was like a little sister in need of protection. "Don't think it's over, the doctor said it won't be visible after a few years." Lou Hong comforted Liu Yun. "Thank you, Lou Hong. I know you're making it easier for me, but I won't forgive myself so easily." "But I hurt you too, if..." "Okay, let's not talk about this for now. How are you?" Liu Yun interrupted Lou Hong, asking like an old friend like a big sister. "I..." Lou Hong hesitated for a moment, but her sudden goodwill and trust towards Liu Yun still prevailed. "I left Geng Lin." "That's right." Liu Yun was very calm. "Or the two of us broke up and left each other." Liu Yun nodded silently. "How are you?" Liu Yun suddenly laughed, and the more he laughed, the harder he laughed... "What are you laughing at?" Lou Hong asked anxiously. "Because...because..." Liu Yun said with a smile, "I also want to say that I broke up with Geng Lin, or we broke up, it's over." Hearing what Liu Yun said, Lou Hong also laughed.The two women seemed to have forgotten all the restraints, and laughed like crazy, the more they laughed, the more they laughed, and finally both of them bent over laughing, squatted down next to the sofa, clutched their stomachs, laughed, laughed... Liu Yun first stopped laughing, like a car that stopped suddenly, and then Lou Hong also stopped herself.The two looked at each other, tried to keep smiling, and sat back in their original seats somewhat awkwardly. "We shouldn't be doing this," Liu Yun said. "Exactly." Lou Hong finished speaking and looked at Liu Yun.The two looked at each other and laughed again.Liu Yun quickly took a sip of tea from his teacup. "I didn't expect that I really like you." Liu Yun said. "Maybe we can trust each other. I think we can understand each other," Lou Hong said. "But I'm much older than you, and there's definitely a generation gap between us." "You think so?" Lou Hong didn't believe Liu Yun's words, she felt that she could understand people of all ages. "Anyone would think so. You're better than me. You know what you want and how to do it. I can't." "You can do it too." "Yeah, but for a long time, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what happened to me. So I can't say that you broke into my life with Geng Lin, it was a bad thing for me." "Will you let Geng Lin come back?" "I don't think so. There is nothing between us now, not even the possibility of quarreling." "I'm relieved when you say that." Lou Hong said. "Why?" Liu Yun didn't expect Lou Hong to say that. "You don't fit together." "why?" "You don't know each other, you don't understand each other." Liu Yun was surprised by Lou Hong's mature observation ability, and had to admit that what she said was not unreasonable. "Then you and Geng Lin?" Liu Yun asked curiously. "We knew each other so well that we also broke up." Liu Yun went to drink tea again, seriously thinking about Geng Lin for the first time in a long time, if one day he had the chance to know that his wife and her lover had such conversations and laughed so openly when they were together What will happen to him?It can be overwhelming for a man to digest. "You feel sorry for Geng Lin, don't you?" Lou Hong saw through Liu Yun's thoughts. Liu Yun smiled noncommittally. "It's not really necessary, he'll be remarried soon." "With whom?" Liu Yun asked the question almost subconsciously. "A woman he met in a bar." "That's not bad." When he said this, Liu Yun didn't know what he meant. "I think I should go," Lou Hong said, "today is a good day, and I'm glad I did something good." Liu Yun's eyes seemed to be directed at his cute little sister, she gave out a kind of kindness, scattered around Lou Hong. "I wiped out two...two... how to put it, two hatreds for this world." Lou Hong said childishly. "Thank you for coming to my house. I really can't figure out how we could be like that before." Liu Yun sighed. Lou Hong wanted to say, "Because we all liked a man before." But she suppressed the words, and then she realized that love is actually ruthless, and it can kill other equally beautiful things without hesitation or mercy. emotion. "Sometimes I feel that forgiving others is also forgiving myself." Lou Hong thought for a while and said. "That makes sense." Liu Yun agreed sincerely. "The morals of the world seem to have changed now, the young are more mature and sophisticated than the old." "I'm weather-beaten." Lou Hong said in a dramatic voice, then stood up. Liu Yun also stood up with a smile.She took out her salary pocket from the small cabinet not far behind her: "I suggest we go to dinner." Lou Hong sees Liu Yun's every move. While being moved by her sincerity, another part of Lou Hong's feelings is cooling down rapidly.It turned out that she still felt that Liu Yun was naive and mediocre, not the kind of person she could like for a long time at all.She was glad that she didn't say stupid things like making friends to Liu Yun when her head was hot just now.At the same time, she also decided not to tell Liu Yun that she had been to her home, the purpose was to see her home and see her photos.She didn't want to extend their current understanding and turn it into something like a burden. "Let's see another day. Sometimes I feel that I am getting old, and I like to eat at home more and more." Lou Hong's smile at this time already made her feel the muscles on her face tense, showing fakeness. "It's okay, let's take another day." Liu Yun took everything into consideration, and put the salary bag on the coffee table.The two walked towards the door together. When Lou Hong came to the street, the street lights were already on.She felt hungry and hurried through the crowd.Every passerby who passes by her will feel that she is a girl who lives a relaxed and happy life. Lou Hong looked around at the street while walking. When she passed some fashion houses, she sometimes stopped to look inside. When some fashion house owners spotted her and warmly greeted her to go in and buy, she walked away immediately. up.When she couldn't find anything worth looking at, Lou Hong asked herself, why did Liu Yun's small act of taking the salary bag bother her so much, and cooled down her enthusiasm and sympathy for Liu Yun?She couldn't answer herself, "Maybe the feeling of not liking her in the first place can't be changed," she thought, "Maybe a woman of our status can only be in..." Lou Hong cut off her thoughts, she didn't like to think about whether Spend time on things you understand.If she could shout to passers-by now, such a good weather today would bring her such a good mood.She seemed to have never been in such a good mood in years. "Thank God, in this world, if no one hates you, and you don't hate anyone, how nice it feels. It feels so good." Lou Hong shouted in her heart, "What else do I ask for Now?"