Chapter 28 Twenty-seven

Fatty Wang gently placed a letter on my desk, pointing at the sender's address with his finger in a sneaky and meaningful way, as if he was handing me a top-secret document and asked me to keep it secret. The letter of C City University was printed on the envelope.Even if there is no such word, I can know at once that it is a letter from Sun Yue.Her characters are just like her person, beautiful and tall. Fatty Wang turned to another comrade and said haha.Are you waiting for me to open the letter?I don't tear it down.He couldn't wait any longer, so he left. Before he left, he made a face with the comrade: he squeezed a naked eye (eye clip).I'm too familiar with this action of his.That means: "Look, the fun has begun!"

It's really a good start.Yesterday, Feng Lanxiang formally filed a divorce request with me on the grounds that Sun Yue and I actually resumed our relationship as husband and wife, and I stayed at her home when I went to C City University. I didn't give any explanation, just answered her: "I agree to the divorce, but Huanhuan must give it to me." After hearing such an answer, she cried and made noises, and even made a fuss in the newspaper office, saying: "Don't beat yourself up." Did you recruit? Did you not recruit yourself? You really discussed it with Sun Yue, and you still pretended that I didn’t know! Let me tell you, I know exactly what you and Sun Yue did in C City.”

What the hell am I doing?To hell with you!After I came back from a business trip, more than one friend said to me: "Go home and live! Fatty Wang and Feng Lanxiang had a close relationship a while ago. Don't make any misunderstandings." I knew it well.If these two people had a close past, it would not be a "misunderstanding".They had an affair in the past, which was an open secret in the newspaper. For a long time, I lied to myself and deceived others for the sake of inner peace.If it weren't for Fatty Wang who has a wife and a bunch of children in the country, Feng Lanxiang might not have chosen me.I simply don't understand how this ugly and vulgar fat man managed to please Feng Lanxiang.She almost adores him.

I don't know if all this was agreed upon by them. Anyway, the place where I was sent on a business trip this time is really another trap, the purpose is to create rumors.I didn't ask Wang Fatty for reimbursement of the travel expenses to C City, because I didn't want to use public affairs for personal gain.But Fatty Wang insisted: "We are old friends, shouldn't we help you because of this busyness? How about it, what old classmates did you meet when you went to C City University? Is Sun Yue okay?" Did not give him the ticket.However, inside and outside the newspaper, there have long been rumors: "Zhao Zhenhuan is going to remarry Sun Yue. This time I agreed to go on a business trip to D to discuss remarriage with Sun Yue in City C." "Look, Zhao Zhenhuan is going to remarry Feng Lanxiang is divorced!" "Zhao Zhenhuan has really kept up with the times in finding a wife. What kind of song is he singing in what era, haha!"

Lu Xun said that it is pitiful for a person to be in a position where he needs to defend himself.I don't want to argue.Moreover, when I went to City C, I still gained something.I am more aware of the misfortune I have brought to Sun Yue and Regret, and I understand that there is still a huge price to be paid to redeem my soul.I don't want to publish my activities in C City for people to judge and appreciate. Divorce, divorce!I really can't go on with this scene.The "three chapters of the covenant" I proposed is simply impossible to implement.I can't stand spiritual loneliness, and she can't stand being left out in life.I feel that I really feel sorry for her.Since I do not have and cannot give her true love, then I have no right to ask her to be faithful to me.I just feel sorry for her.In my opinion, she is better than Fatty Wang.She should find someone better than Fatty Wang.

His hands trembled a little, and he didn't dare to open the letter all at once.What news will this letter bring to me? When I left City C, I held He Jingfu's hand tightly and said to him repeatedly: "I wish you happiness. Once the matter is decided, send me a letter immediately. I want to congratulate you." Perhaps, this letter reports What is the news?Really, Sun Yue? Unfortunately, why didn't you give me some ventilation beforehand?She sent me many letters, but none of them talked about Sun Yue and He Jingfu.In the first few letters, I kept mentioning my mother, telling me what kind of hardship her mother had suffered, but in the last few letters, I never mentioned my mother.Is this a hint?

My hands trembled even more.Sweat dripped from his face.Don't dare to open it, this letter!The comrade who had seen Fatty Wang's grimace came over and said to me with concern: "Old Zhao, your complexion is not good, go back to the dormitory and rest, there is not much to do anyway." I shook his hand gratefully, left the office. I closed the door of the dormitory tightly, took out a pair of scissors, slowly cut open the envelope, carefully pulled out the letter paper, spread it out, and put it in front of me. "Dad: I've always kept that torn photo. You said, can the torn photo be restored?"

Ah, sorry!Did you tell mom that too?definitely!Will this letter, then, report another kind of news? I smiled and felt better. The address "Zhenhuan, my old classmate" is both friendly and unfamiliar.What does that mean?I read on quickly, and finished the first pass very quickly.But it's strange that I didn't understand it.It's as if the letter didn't tell me anything.There is neither what I hope for nor what I fear. I tried my best to calm myself down, lay down on the bed, and reread the letter carefully.I understand. Zhenhuan, my old classmate: It's long overdue to write to you.However, due to the twists and turns in the publication of Jingfu's "Marxism and Humanism", he was still unable to make up his mind, and it has been delayed until today.

Jing Fu has criticized me many times. You came to C City looking for understanding and forgiveness, I let you down.My mind is too narrow.In this regard, I am not as good as you or Jing Fu. My relationship with you constitutes an important part of my history.I don't know how many times I have read and thought about this period of history.However, I can see nothing but infinite grievances and unnecessary sacrifices.So, I never thought that one day I would forgive you.It never occurred to me that I should ask for your forgiveness.I got completely into a personal vendetta and only put myself in the abandoned, pitiful position.

In fact, everything that happened between us is far from being explained by abandonment and being abandoned.All this is left to us, and it is by no means personal grievances. I think it is I, not you, who should be responsible for our tragedy in the first place.For when I promised to be united to you, I had nothing but friendship and gratitude for you, but no love.You have never attracted me or stirred me up like Jing Fu.You just make me feel used and kind.I know very well that I desire and should be married to Jing Fu, but I married you instead.This is because I don't want to bear the charge of being ungrateful and courting Qin Muchu.And when Jing Fu became a "rightist", I was even more unwilling to add "political stains" to my history.

I remember you once said that our life after marriage is the same as before marriage.In your mind, I am still a friend, a lover, not a real wife.At that time, I told you that it was because we lived in two places.However, in private, I asked myself: "What if we live together? Will you become his wife worthy of the name?" My answer is hesitant.I think, I will probably not get used to it and be dissatisfied. Why have I never expressed dissatisfaction to you?This is because the separation has created the opportunity for me to replace reality with imagination to make up for emotional dissatisfaction.I am so punctual and diligent in writing to you.In the letter, I poured out my feelings so warmly and sincerely.You often say that these letters take you into an artistic realm where you see not wives but fairies.Yes, Zhenhuan!I just consciously and unconsciously created another "you" and another world for myself to comfort myself.I am intoxicated in the world I created, and I don't care about your realistic and reasonable requirements.You have called me many times, asking me to descend from the imaginary sky to the real world, and land by your side.But I lingered in the sky, trying to persuade you to wait for the arrangement of the organization. In deed I have always been your faithful wife.But spiritually, I was only true to myself.You see, wasn't I the first to sow the seeds of separation?How can I blame you blindly?History has already turned a page.It's not that I haven't thought about whether this page can be turned over again.Because we have a regret.But the conclusion of every consideration is this: past is past forever.Don't say that you have already married and have children, even if you are still alone, I'm afraid that's the only conclusion I can make. You will say that this is due to a Jing husband.Yes.I feel that if we combine with Jing Fu, he and I can become one without accommodating each other.And to combine with you, both parties must accommodate and sacrifice.Love should certainly include sacrifice, but sacrifice should not be the basis of love.So, between you and Jingfu, I can only choose Jingfu. However, for the sake of regret, I once wanted to bury my love.Regret is contradictory.She loves He Jingfu, but she can't bear to part with her biological father.Isn't this feeling completely understandable?Since I can't satisfy the child with the latter, I don't want to marry Jing Fu again to hurt her feelings.Jingfu probably thought the same way, and he stopped pursuing... Due to the publication problem of "Marxism and Humanism", I naturally had frequent contact with Jingfu.I can't let him fight alone in the wind and waves!Our hearts are gradually bursting.I often observe Regret with a guilty mood, hoping to get her forgiveness. Just yesterday, Zhenhuan regretfully handed me a note: "Mom, let me tell you something you shouldn't have said: you and Uncle He are on good terms! You don't want me to sacrifice my feelings for you, and neither do I." May you sacrifice your feelings for me." With tears in my eyes, I handed the regretful note to Jing Fu...Zhenhuan, Jing Fu and I are deeply concerned and sympathetic to your current life. I totally understand your pain right now.But, Lenin said, life itself will make its own way.Since the contradiction has been recognized, it is possible to be resolved. Both Jing Fu and I look forward to the early resolution of your conflict. I told Regret everything I knew about our relationship.She said with emotion: "You made a wrong choice at the beginning. However, if there is no such wrong choice, I would not be here. Therefore, I should not blame your mistakes." I half-truthfully said to her: "You You should accept the lesson of your mother, never fall in love before you have a clear and practical understanding of life and yourself. Friendship and the emotional impulse caused by the opposite sex are related to love, but it is not love. True love is with people Our hearts and minds mature together." She nodded half-understanding.Who knows what path she will take in the future?But parents have to do everything possible to be their children's guide and counselor.We can no longer let our children repeat our old ways. I am deeply guilty for not letting you meet Regret.Neither you nor Regret blamed me, but I blame myself.Yes, I nurtured regrets, but that was a duty not a favor.Even if it is a favor, it should not require sacrifice to repay it.I beg your forgiveness.This winter vacation, I will let regret to visit you, for sure. Sorry to miss you so much.Both Jing Fu and I asked her to write you another letter.She said that the letter was to be written.But this letter is unusual and must be thought through carefully: "This letter is like a full stop in the lives of Dad, Mom, and me. It will announce the end of the old and the beginning of the new. "You don't have to be surprised. Since we made friends with Jing Fu and Xi Wang, our regret has almost become a philosopher. You will see her, your lovely eldest daughter and amiable little friend. Jingfu wants me to greet you.After a while, he will also write to you.Currently, he is still busy with the publication of the book "Marxism and Humanism". Already got a clue, the higher party committee sent people to find out the situation.We are optimistic.Jing Fu often said that a person's life is nothing more than gains and losses.Everyone is happy and suffers.But "losing" is not all bad.Sometimes, there is no gain without loss.I totally agree with this view.Of course, it is not so easy to truly achieve what you gain without being proud and what you lose without worrying about it.We just try not to let the emotions of gain and loss control ourselves as much as possible. Zhenhuan, our old relationship is completely over.From now on, we are classmates and friends again.We were meant to be like this.After a period of twists and turns, we finally got to know ourselves and each other more correctly, and thus established a correct relationship. This is also worthy of celebration, right?You are always welcome to play!Greet Comrade Lanxiang and Huanhuan. Good luck with your work and good spirits! Sun Yue's golden hairpin draws a galaxy, separating the past from the present, and also separating her from me.A magpie bridge was erected on the Milky Way, on which it was written: only friendship, not love. Sun Yue's letter conveyed such news to me.Now, I totally get it. I don't know whether I feel sad or happy. I took out the photo that I treasured, and both Sun Yue and Regret looked at me kindly.Sun Yue said to me gently: "You have lost me forever." Regretfully stretched out her arms coquettishly: "Dad, I belong to you forever!" A dream from a long time ago appeared in front of my eyes again. I was chasing a little girl in the waves.Today I finally realized that the little girl is regret, not Sun Yue.Sun Yue should never have belonged to me.I just lost what I should have lost. However, I want to cry.I want to cry alone. Say goodbye to yesterday with a smile, this can only happen on stage.I'm going to cry goodbye to yesterday. Cry, Zhao Zhenhuan!For what you lost.Cry, Zhao Zhenhuan!For what you get.cry!cry!Cry loudly! "Old Zhao! Old Zhao!" Fatty Wang called outside the door.He's not going to let me go for a while.I don't want him to hear my cry and see my tears.I wiped my face, put away the photos and letters, straightened my hair in front of the mirror, and opened the door. "Haha! Hiding here alone? You'll enjoy a good life." As usual, they hooked their shoulders and laughed when they met each other. I broke free from his arms and asked him what was the matter.He immediately put on a mysterious face again: "How is it, there seems to be some happy event?" I smiled: "Yeah! I lost what I should have lost, and found what I should get back." "What does this mean? It's like practicing Zen!" He said while scanning my face up and down with his naked eyes, trying to read my mind. "What's so difficult to understand? My director!" I said calmly, "What can you do with me? Tell me! Otherwise, I will issue an order to evict you!" "My dear, what a murderer!" He was still grinning, "It's nothing official. Just now a summons came from the court, and they want to hear your divorce case!" "Talk" notification to me. I said: "Thank you!" "Think carefully! Why bother, Old Zhao! Think about Huanhuan!" How charitable he was!I couldn't help but want to "spit" again.But I held back.I opened the door and said to him: "Please go out, I want to write a reply letter to Sun Yue!" He walked away knowingly.I shut the door tightly. Yes, you should write a reply to Sun Yue.I would like to say to her and He Jingfu: "Congratulations, my friends! Congratulations from the bottom of my heart!" You should also write a letter to regret.I will say to her, "Sorry, my dear daughter! I have found my soul, and it is you!" Tears flow down the cheeks.I don't want to rub it.Why wipe it?Lost what should be lost, found what should be retrieved, shouldn't we shed tears?The old has ended and the new has begun, shouldn't we shed tears? Tears flowed onto the open letter paper.On this letter paper, I wrote a few words: "Sun Yue, my friend!" First draft in May 1980 July second draft Finalized in August