Chapter 25 twenty four

I was really surprised.She came suddenly.I didn't ask her.She didn't say hello to me either. Her complexion is not very good.I asked her to sit on the chair in front of my desk, and sat down on the bed, facing Xi Wang.He sat on the other bed.Seeing her coming, Xi Wang had no intention of leaving.Although, he knew that she came to me for the first time today.He was sure to talk to her about it, and he didn't know what to say.He has no scruples.But she is not used to talking frankly with students. She is used to being a teacher and a cadre.I really hope this lad leaves.Embarrassed by this thought, I blushed.I didn't want to show my flustered emotions in front of her, so I tried my best to look indifferent and made her a cup of tea.I also said in a joking tone: "I don't know how short the secretary of the general branch is here! May I ask: why did you come here?" Xi Wang blinked mischievously twice, turned his face and smiled.Sun Yue's face immediately turned red.I can no longer make a coquettish gesture, sitting awkwardly on the bed, waiting for her to speak.

Sun Yue just looked around my room and didn't speak.Xi Wang stood up.I thought he was going to eat, so I said to him: "Xi Wang, you go to eat first! I'll be back in a while." "No, I'll wait a while. I'm not hungry at all today. I have a few words I want to talk to Teacher Sun." Xi Wang turned out to be pouring tea for himself!As he answered me, he winked at me.My ears are getting hotter.Sun Yue glanced at me.I heard Xi Wang ask her: "Mr. Sun, I want to ask you: Do you know about Mr. He?" Sun Yue replied: "What's the matter?" He glanced at me again.

"Do you really not know? My father wants to prevent the publication of the book "Marxism and Humanism" in the name of the C City University Party Committee. He doesn't want to do anything himself, he doesn't know how to do anything, and he doesn't want others to do it. He has become a stumbling block to the liberation of the mind, but he is still very proud! Probably, in his opinion, being able to stumbling others' feet is also a skill!" The lad was always so sharp, even with his own father.When he was talking, he kept his eyes fixed on Sun Yue, as if he wanted to find out whether Sun Yue really didn't know about it.

Sun Yue's body shook slightly, but immediately regained his composure.She said nonchalantly: "Really? Where did you know that?" Judging from her erratic eyes, she was telling lies, but I didn't want to expose her, especially in front of Xi Wang.Did Xi Wang see it?There was a mocking smile on the corner of his mouth.I watched him nervously, not wanting him to embarrass Sun Yue.I winked at him, but he turned his eyes away from me, raised his neck and gulped down his tea.When he put down the teacup, the sneer disappeared from the corner of his mouth.I breathed a sigh of relief, and said to him: "Xi Wang, tell Mr. Sun what you heard, so that I won't repeat it." Xi Wang nodded with a smile and said, "Mr. Sun, I did it by accident. KGB, I have seen something inside." Sun Yue looked at him in surprise.

"Now, I really regret it. I shouldn't have fallen out with them that day. Then I can know more about the inside story." Xi Wang said at the end of his story. I smiled: "We don't rely on 'insider information' to live." The editor of the publishing house told me that when Chen Yuli went to ask for proofs, he had already carried the brand of the school's party committee.It can be seen that whether it is Chen Yuli, Xi Liu, or You Ruoshui, they all want to use the name of the organization to achieve their personal goals.This can be regarded as "insider"!However, I did not tell Xi Wang about this.The young man is too reckless.Thinking of these things makes me really uncomfortable.Some things that should not have "inside stories" have "inside stories" because there are some people who know that their conduct is not open and aboveboard, but they are reluctant to do it.Once things are moved behind the scenes, how many troubles will be caused for no reason!Our Chinese energy is wasted on creating and spying on insiders.

"I'm not as honest as you guys! Since someone is making an inside story, someone has to spy on the inside story. Those who make the inside story are unscrupulous, why should we behave like a gentleman?" Xi Wang's words became fierce again. "I don't like sneaky things. Like politicians!" Sun Yue said, a little agitated. "You don't like sneaking, who likes sneaking? But sneaking doesn't disappear just because you don't like it. For a person like Chen Yuli, can you let her learn to be upright? Typical sister! Apart from sowing disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, she can't find any other pleasure in life! Unfortunately, in our team, there are not too few such women, because there are not too few men who like them. "

Xi Wang's words made Sun Yue frown.She said to Xi Wang: "Are there any men and women involved here? Yes is right, right is wrong. Young people should speak with a sense of proportion." Xi Wang smiled.He pushed his glasses up, looked at Sun Yue with interest, and said, "Mr. Sun, I didn't expect you to react so strongly to this statement. I understand your feelings. You want to protect the dignity of women. But what's the matter?" What is the solution? There are indeed women like Chen Yuli who don't understand dignity at all." What Xi Wang said is correct.In our society today, women have not completely shed their doll status.In some fields, women are still virtuous without talent, and men without virtue can be called talents.I think Sun Yue is aware of this.It is precisely because she realizes that she has special self-esteem, and she doesn't want others to talk about such topics.Chen Yuli naturally realized this too.But she has lost her self-esteem and turned into a doll.She wants to sprinkle flowers on the doll, but also wants to reduce others to the status of a doll.I think it's a psychopath.

I have been watching Sun Yue attentively.This is the first time she has come to my "nest"!In my imagination, her first arrival was not like this.She should be like that Sun Yue more than 20 years ago: standing in front of me excitedly and naturally, talking to me endlessly.I was pleasantly surprised to see two open doors of my heart, and walked in... But today, I don't know she is coming, nor why she came. "Teacher Sun!" Xi Wang called again.Sun Yue turned her face to him. "What do you think Mr. He should do about this matter? Compromise?" Xi Wang asked.

"It can always be solved, according to the party's policy!" Sun Yue replied cautiously.A shadow of disappointment flitted across Xi Wang's face.He sighed, stood up, and pulled the rail of the upper bunk three times, like an arm exercise.I know that this is his habitual action when he conceals or regulates his emotions. Sun Yue also seemed to see Xi Wang's dissatisfaction with her, so she smiled and said to Xi Wang gently: "What do you think should be done?" "You won't agree even if I tell you!" Xi Wang sighed, "I think we should put the matter out and let the teachers and students of the school discuss it. You can also write letters to the newspaper. The dead situation of C City University should be dealt with. I’m not afraid of falling out with Lao Tzu, and I’m willing to write what I’ve seen and heard publicly. At most, he won’t provide me with living expenses, so I can go to work.”

Sun Yue shook her head resolutely and turned her face to me.I said to her, "I don't agree with this either. Countless experiences have shown that this kind of buzzing approach can't really solve the problem, but will only make things more complicated. We'll wait for the publishers." Opinions! The publishing society won’t stick to principles?” Xi Wang shook his head: "I feel more and more that college students in the 1950s and 1960s are different from those in the 1970s and 1980s! Well, none of us should force anyone. I still say the same thing: I appreciate your kindness, but Don't believe it works."

"In your opinion, we are also laggards!" Sun Yue said with a smile, very sentimental. "Mr. Sun, that's not what I meant. Please forgive me if my words have misunderstood you." Xi Wang looked a little excited, and the lenses of his glasses were shining. "I think both of our generations are suffering, and we are both actively thinking. Our thoughts and feelings are interlinked. But we are not as indecisive and indecisive as you are. There are piles of problems in China, and when will it be slow? Ah! Are your burdens too heavy? How we wish you would get rid of your burdens..." Sun Yue's eyes were moist.She is easily moved.She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but didn't say it.I see her suppressing her feelings. Xi Wang became confused.He stood up uneasily and said: "Mr. Sun, Mr. He, I should go to eat. You talk about it! I'm sorry to disturb you." Sun Yue also stood up immediately, grabbed Xi Wang's arm and said, "I'm not angry. I I really want to talk to you more. You are welcome to come to our house often. I regret that I often miss you!" Xi Wang's expression became natural again.He winked at me mischievously again: "Teacher He, you can't just wait! It's the same for my father and others. Do you want me to buy food for you?" I shook my head, and he left. "What did he say about waiting or not?" Sun Yue asked me. "The young man speaks, one sentence at the head and one sentence at the foot. Who can understand?" I replied.In fact, I completely understood what Xi Wang meant.But I still can only wait. "I really love these young people. I often feel that I share the same ideals and expectations with them. In them, I see both my past and my future. Only I can't see my present. I They don’t have that unwavering self-confidence. But, they’re also a little pushy and impatient, aren’t they?” she told me. "Yes, but compared with some people's sluggishness and numbness, their extremeness and impatience also has its cuteness." I replied.Shall we just talk about that?Did she come to talk about this? "Do you interact with students a lot?" she asked.I nod. "I often want to get close to them, but I'm afraid of getting close to them. I don't want to expose myself too much in front of them, for fear of negatively affecting them. Being a teacher is not easy!" A teardrop seeped from the corner of her eye come out. I sat face to face with her.How I wanted to help her wipe away the tears.Trying to restrain myself, I stood up and went to the window, turning my face out of the window.I continued her topic and said: "This is existence determines consciousness! Although I am also called a teacher now, the four words of being a teacher have not yet taken root in my mind. The wandering life of more than ten years has made me used to Because of being yelled at by others. Therefore, the word "Teacher He" sounds the same as "Old He" and "Hey" to me. It is just my symbol. I am used to being a People communicate with another person without attaching other conditions other than 'person'. If another person and I can understand and trust each other, then I will make friends with him. It doesn't matter if he is my student or my husband. Contrary to you, I am willing to expose my soul to others. Because, in the life I have lived, people do not need my soul. They only need my strength. A soul that is often closed, and a dead soul. There is not much difference in the soul. At that time, as long as someone wanted to see my heart, I would open my chest and let him see it, and I would not hesitate to bleed my heart..." I can't go on.Scenes of wandering life came alive before my eyes, especially those scenes that broke my heart... "You are a savage, black household, can you manage these things? If you don't get out of this town, we will arrest you!" In 1970, I wandered to Huaishang Town on the banks of the Huaihe River, just in time for the "decentralization" movement of urban residents.An ancient market town with a population of 10,000 needs to "decentralize" 5,000 people. The "decentralization" of "eating idle food" is also "decentralization" of serving cadres.The secretary of the county party committee who stayed here announced: "This is to eliminate the difference between urban and rural areas!" I seem to be in a world full of chaos.Every day some people are forced to move to the countryside, adults cry and children cry.Move out in the front and pick up the house in the back, so as not to have "worry about the future".There is a family of six, the husband is a clerk in a grocery store, and the wife is a noodle maker. They support four children, the oldest is only ten years old.Every day there are working groups to urge them to relocate.They begged bitterly, unwilling to go down, and unable to support their children!The secretary of the county party committee said: "I have exhausted my benevolence" for them, and I had to take "revolutionary action."I witnessed this "revolutionary action": A group of big-bodied men with shovels, axes, and grappling hooks came to the door of this house.The man got wind of it beforehand and hid.The woman knelt down and cried and begged for the leader, but of course it didn't work!We are about to demolish the house.Suddenly, I heard a howling sound like a wolf, and I saw a naked woman climbing up the roof... She wanted to protect the house with shame and life. There was a burst of laughter.She was dragged down and another group climbed up.In an instant, the house was reduced to rubble. The woman's shame and despair caused her to howl like a wolf.A few bolder women went up to hug her and put on clothes for her. I couldn't stop the tears from pouring down my face.I felt as if my own mother was being abused in this way.I have all the hate and anger to pour out, but I have no right to.I can only think of myself as dumb. I secretly paid attention to the life of this family after being "decentralized", and wanted to give them a little help.Within a few days of going down, the woman went crazy.When you see someone, you have to take off your clothes.One night, she took off her clothes and ran out again.When the family found her in the creek, she had drowned. That night, facing the river that drowned this woman, I loudly revealed my soul, my worries and love for the motherland to the night sky.For this, I was expelled... I was not needed to have a soul. "Old He!" Sun Yue called, I didn't dare to look back, I was crying.Just a "hmm" in reply. "What are you thinking?" "I think it's better to bare your soul than to be alone!" "Jing Fu!" She called me again.Calling me that, I couldn't help turning my face away, and took a step closer to her. "I feel numb when I think about your wandering life. I can't imagine that if I were in such a situation..." She avoided my eyes. "You will survive as strong as I am. There is no trick here. To survive and seek the truth, you must learn to endure everything, including grievances and insults..." I don't want to tell you what I just thought. She, she can't stand it.I know. "I always feel sorry for you, as if I made you suffer so much..." She lowered her head. "Sun Yue!" I called out excitedly, and took another step closer to her. She looked up and I saw her eyes.Sun Yue, whose eyes are full of tears, looks like the little show girl in "Put Down Your Whip"!At that time, it was these eyes that made me forget that I was on the stage.Now, I felt a similar impulse again, and called out again in a low voice: "Sun Yue!" At the same time, I opened my arms... I saw a pair of hesitant, painful eyes, which were more unbearable than the angry eyes back then.I lowered my arm and waved it mockingly twice. "If you survive a catastrophe, you must have a future blessing! Sun Yue, we don't need to be sentimental!" I deliberately raised my voice to comfort her and drive away my unhappiness. "What blessing are you talking about? I don't seem to have seen it." She smiled slightly and answered me. "It's freedom, spiritual freedom. We are no longer superstitious, blindly obedient, naive and rash. Isn't this happy? Besides, our skin is much thicker than before." She laughed with a "puchi": "Is thick skin also happiness?" I also laughed: "It's great happiness! Happiness in happiness"! When a person's self-esteem and personality may be hurt from time to time, a thick skin can protect self-esteem and personality. Intellectuals have the thinnest skin , often lose "Jiali" for the sake of "face". However, as a human being, "Jiali" is more important than "face". "Jiali" is personality and dignity, and "face" is just vanity. Thanks to various hardships, Especially in this ten-year turmoil, almost all intellectuals have gone through a severe test. One of the results of the test is that their skin has become thicker, and they are no longer afraid of being criticized and losing face. And this can be Strengthen people’s courage and perseverance to uphold the truth. Do you want to criticize? Please! Hang up the sign or not? No? No salary deductions? That’s too easy! So happy! Hahaha!" Sun Yue smiled heartily, like a little girl.While laughing, he said: "It's so interesting to be with you, you can make people cry, and you can also make people laugh. Bitterness can also become sweet!" I took another step closer to her.How I wanted to press her shoulders and say to her: "Then stay with me forever!" But I was afraid of seeing those hesitant and painful eyes.So, I immediately took three steps back to where I was standing.I collected myself and asked her: "Sun Yue, what are you doing here today? Is it because of the publication of my book?" She trimmed her hair, and seemed to have chased away her enthusiasm and impulsiveness, and asked calmly, "How do you know?" "We country people have a saying: when the wind comes, the rain will come. I have heard the wind for a long time." "What wind?" What rumor?I don't want to tell her.Even my blood rushed to my head when I heard it. "All the women are jealous of Yu Zhi's crescent eyebrows, and the rumors say that Yu Yu is good at adultery." It can be seen that the method of using rumors and gossip to frame others has a long history in China.Impossible to extinct for a while. "It's just some vile gossip!" I said to her. "What kind of gossip?" she urged me. to her?This is what she is most afraid of!I really admire the imagination of some people.They created all kinds of "bad stories" for me, and spread them to the publishing house through various channels.And among all the "bad deeds", the worst and the most "peachy" one is breaking up Sun Yue's family by any means.And there is also a trilogy: scramble-compete with Zhao Zhenhuan for a lover; provocation-provoke Sun Yue and Zhao Zhenhuan to divorce;As for Sun Yue, who was assigned to Chao Qin Mu Chu, he only cared about his own role. "Hurry up!" She still urged me, and I could see that she was a little nervous. I decided not to say, "What are you listening to? It's boring. Let's get down to business. Tell me, isn't it raining already?" "Who knows if it's rain or snow? The party committee asked me to convey a decision to you." She was serious again.I tried my best to restrain the sudden strangeness and listened. "The party committee has studied the feedback and opinions of the masses, and thinks that it is inappropriate to publish your book without major revisions. The party committee decided to contact the publishing house on the one hand and state its views; You can understand that this is your love and take the initiative to withdraw the manuscript." It was like listening to a gramophone.The words are precise, the writing is concise, and the articulation is clear.It's just that the emotional color is blurred.This is also the habit she has developed over the years as a cadre, right?Or is it a skill?I do not like. I asked impolitely, "Is the communication over?" "It's over." She said softly. "Now, I want to hear your personal opinion." I emphasized the word "personal". "Don't be like this, Mrs. Jing. I support your point of view, and you should know it. Now, what are you going to do?" She was docile and didn't care about my attitude at all, and my fire went out. "I know you didn't write this book for yourself. You must be very sad. If you have anything to say, just say it in front of me! Treat me as a friend..." She was like a mother comforting a wronged son, and the maternal and feminine tenderness warmed me, and I really felt uncomfortable.It didn't feel like this just now.What are you suffering from?Things that cannot happen after writing a book continue to happen both in China and abroad.I'm not the first person to have something like this happen to me, nor will I be the last, nor will I be the worst.What's more, all this has not been finalized yet?Moreover, even if it has been finalized and cannot be released, it is not beyond my expectation.Unreasonable but expected things happen almost every day.And, ever since I heard the wind, I was ready for the rain.Is the man who escaped from the dead still afraid of a rain?But I was still sad, very sad.Because what I heard clearly was the decision of a university party committee.According to party discipline and state law, such a decision should never have been made!I don't want to see our party organization decide issues in this way.It is clearly depriving a party member of their democratic rights, but what is love!How far has Xi Liu spoiled the party's style of work!How I hope that these people can cherish the honor and prestige of the party, and cherish the trust and expectations of us ordinary party members in the party!Why lie?Why cheat?And in the name of the party committee?We need to be aboveboard and honest with each other.Even beating me up and scolding me is better than saying this insincere "love"! "Are you crying?" She touched my swollen shoulder. "You are very strong. Are you?" I am relatively strong.However, it is even more difficult for a strong person to shed tears.The brave general wears hard armor, and under the armor is a bright red and lively heart.If this heart is hurt, more than tears flow out. "What are you going to do?" she asked me again. "I will not take the initiative to withdraw my manuscript. Please report to the party committee: I think the opinion of the party committee is wrong. I wait for the decision of the publishing house. If the publishing house is afraid to publish the book because of this, I will appeal to the higher party organization ."I say.This is what I have already prepared. She breathed a sigh of relief: "I know you will be like this. Just now, didn't I make you feel strange? I put on airs, didn't I?" What happened to her today?The tone is so gentle.The smile is so natural and sweet.I was a little flustered again.Did she make up her mind? "Has Zhao Zhenhuan not written again?" I asked cautiously. The smile disappeared immediately, and the tone was reserved and quiet again: "I have sent letters, I regret it. There have been several letters." "Very good. Regret should comfort him." I didn't have time to think about what I meant by this.But her face and voice became more reserved: "Yes. I plan to do the same!" After that, she stood up and said goodbye: "It's getting late, I have to go back. I will send your intention to The report of the party committee is. Please pay more attention to your body and don't get excited." I looked at my watch, it was two o'clock in the afternoon.I haven't eaten with her yet!I kept her: "I have bread and milk powder here, you can have lunch with me!" "No!" she said, walking to the door and opening it.When I was about to leave, I turned around and said to me: "The small shop opposite the school can still have hot meals!" I agreed and said "goodbye" to her. When I took the food stamps and was about to go to the small shop for dinner, I suddenly thought that I should invite her to go with me, but she had already gone away.