Chapter 5 05

On this snowy morning, I knocked on the door with a head of grass clippings on my head.The kind but poor mountain people gave me dried melons and bran cakes.This is also their family food.They don't ask too much about who I am, where I come from, etc., because there are so many vagrants like me in the mountains.After I ate their food, I worked for them: followed the men to dig soil and build stone weirs, and my hands would get frostbite after a day. That winter my hands were so cold that my fingers would bleed whenever I moved them. In the spring, through the introduction of a family, I found another place to work and eat: the quarry.It was established in a small village of thirty families, and it is actually a big stone pit.First, a large gap was opened with explosives on the hillside, and then strips of bluestone were pried open with a chisel and drilled, and sold outside the mountain.The work here is hard work, and it often involves hurting people.I was assigned to hold the drill at the beginning, and I was worried that if the high-flying sledgehammer was slightly deflected, my hand and a section of my wrist would be finished.Fortunately, the hammer landed on the drill every time.

The quarry is full of men, they are cheerful, as long as they are not hurt, everyone is talking and laughing.I have heard so many stories from them, some of which are still unforgettable.The story was told realistically, what kind of mountain ghosts and sea monsters, I was always frightened and woke up at night alone.I slept in the barn at the time, and the man who fed the animals was an old man who only came around in the middle of the night to add hay.How comforting the sound of the cattle chewing at night.I am grateful to those handsome horses and loyal scalpers.Sometimes the moon is so bright that I can't sleep, only to see them stop chewing and staring at me!I couldn't help but walk up to them, put my hands on my knees and look at each other for a while.

Then they turned to look at their companions shyly, and said, "Buddha!" The barn is the most peculiar place in the village.I gradually discovered that not only people like me, but also some cats, dogs, and other animals who came out for a walk in the middle of the night, might come in once or twice.They sniff the soil in the corner of the house, look up, and then walk away as if nothing happened.Sometimes they pass through the door easily and jerkily, just to let the breath from the cows and horses make a sneeze... In the middle of the night, the old man had just come to add grass, and then broke into a young man with messy hair .His cat-like eyes glowed, his ears were twice as big as ordinary people, and they seemed to be drooping all the time. He only perked up when he saw me lying on the kang.He sat beside him with his face buried in his hands.

I was too scared to breathe out. His shoulders twitched. He was crying.I could see from the slight moonlight that his shoulders were protruding, and he was extremely thin.He said nothing, but convulsed violently.I felt really sorry for him, so I reached out and patted his back—he still had his head down, but grabbed my arm back.Then he never let go of my hand, and I was wrenched by him. "Who are you? What's wrong with you?" He cried "Wow" and yelled softly: "What should I do! What should I do! I..." He wasn't going to answer anything at all, he just hugged my hand tightly and cried.

After crying like this for a while, he stood up suddenly, wiped his eyes and left. Another day, as soon as I fell asleep, the door was pushed open by someone.The person who came in was in his fifties, a bearded man tied around his waist with a straw rope.He stared at me, then turned to look at the animals.After watching this for a while, I suddenly burst out laughing.I figured it was a madman.He found a stick from the side of the animal trough, and held it up... I quickly jumped off the kang to stop it. He ignored it like I wasn't there.He just held up his stick, threatened the horses and cows one by one, and reprimanded: "Do you think that no one will care about you?"

"What's so stinky? You won't be submissive sooner or later?" "Take it easy, no one's body is made of iron!" "It's not like you can't see it, you bastard...stand still!" He yelled, and walked in front of the trough with his legs high.When I returned to the kang, he somehow climbed onto the back of a green horse and sat upright, straightening up... I worked about a winter and spring on the quarry.Spring has come and gone. The wild flowers swaying in the valleys attracted me strongly.It seems that there is a voice calling me to leave quickly and go to the distance—where is the distance?I don't know, but a man always has to go far away!

It was then that I began to lose the bleak sadness that haunted me forever.When I left that barn, what I hated the most were those silent companions, the big horses and the old cows.I really have to go. After bidding farewell to this small mountain village, where should we go? Unknowingly set foot on the ridge.Standing on the top of the mountain, looking at the gullies and mountains flashing under the mist in the distance, I suddenly thought of the teacher with a huge rucksack! The acquaintance with the mountain teacher and the profound friendship we gradually developed are one of the most precious memories in my life.His school was originally built on the halfway up of a high mountain—in those days, a flat field was barely cleared, so a row of houses was built.The school is not close to the surrounding villages, but it connects many villages.It turned out that the middle school was in the county seat, but later it was moved to the depths of the mountain with an order.

I deeply love this place. There are dense black pines everywhere, and you can hear the whining sound of pines when you close your eyes.The stream is hidden among the bushes. When you hear the gurgling sound, you have to lie down and poke layers of branches to see the shiny water.Some small animals jumped on the branches and by the stream, and their shining eyes left an unforgettable impression on me. The teacher let me live in a simple student dormitory-these strange buildings, which are half sheds and half cellars, are the product of war preparations. It is said that they are good for concealment and are not bombed by enemy planes.There are quite a few students who are away from home, so it is very spacious here.The school has two learning sites, one is a small mica mine, and the other is a gravel field for crushing quartz stone.I was allowed to work here, and I could attend classes if I had free time.

His colleagues all knew that I was the son of an old man who cured tobacco leaves, and I fled to the depths of the mountains because I was eager to study. "Where's your father?" asked the old headmaster in his fedora, pleasantly.The pipe in his mouth was also held in his mouth when he spoke. My heart tightened: I dare not look at him again. The teacher pulled me into his arms.He started to talk about other things with the old principal, and the other party forgot about the question just now.My heart is full of gratitude to the teacher. He is single here.I often stayed in his dormitory until late at night.There are books everywhere, all kinds of charts... It turned out that he was in some kind of research institute not long ago: after suffering hardships, he was driven to a construction site to work, and finally he was allowed to teach geography in this mountain middle school.His lover turned his back on him and never came here to drill the ravine with him.I've seen pictures of her: she's fat, kind, and she's so beautiful—there are such beautiful women in the world!I think he always loved her and didn't hate her.

He wrote many poems, and these long and short sentences are copied in some exquisite hard-shell notebooks. I long for such a book in my dreams. Then he gave it to me.I put it next to my pillow at night and stroke it when I wake up.But I didn't write a word in a year.Because my handwriting is too ugly.But I'm trying to write my own song, I just sing it in my head. By chance, I confided softly... His eyes lit up, and he stopped while he was busy with something.He adjusted his glasses and stared at me, "Copy it into that notebook—did you hear that?" "No, I don't." "Why?" "I don't... Teacher!"

In the middle of the night, we went to work together in the gravel pit—we replaced the middle shift.In the middle of the night, when the stone grinding stopped and the animals were panting, he smoked heavily and looked at the stars.The stars here are bigger than everywhere, and my opinion has not changed.At those times he would tell unheard stories—his childhood, his school, his hopes for the future.He gave me an affirmative answer, that one day he would leave here and return to his dream career. How much he loves everything here: the children, the mountains, the green mountains and streams, the stars at night...but one day he still has to leave. On nights like these, something scalding gets stuck in my throat and I keep pouring it out.I can no longer hide my thoughts from him - there is a hut in my heart, it is my soul, my secret.I endured it, and my eyes filled with tears because of too much force. "what happened to you?" "nothing……" I believe his sharp eyes can see through me with just one look.But he looked away.He never forced me with that look. During the school holidays, there were not many people in the entire row of stone houses.In addition to the old man who guards the school, even the chef who cooks has gone back to his hometown.But the teacher didn't leave.He moved the big rucksack again, ready to go to the surrounding mountains. We walked to the other side of the mountain far away, and set up tents on a completely unfamiliar river beach.We went to the river to catch fish and carried them in our tight vests.He is familiar with all kinds of plants on the mountain and can name them.He knows what wild vegetables and what shoots are edible.He also often picks some plants and picks some stones as specimens.All this seems so new and sacred to me. ... two years passed in a flash.I grew taller beside him.These two years were crucial to me, and today I understand even more: it has almost affected my whole life. And at the same time, that terrible moment looms upon us. This year's winter is particularly cold, and such weather is extremely rare even in the depths of the mountains.All the streams are blocked, and the heavy snow seems to be pressing down on the rocks and soil forever, and there are clumps of pine trees and shrubs.Due to the weather, the gravel field and mica mine were all shut down.Both classrooms and dormitories have stone wood stoves into which we keep throwing dry pine sticks.The sound of the flames is the most beautiful music in the world. I remember that it was the second Sunday after the heavy snow, the teacher fell ill.His face was sallow, he was sweating profusely, and his pulse was fast and slow.A group of people surrounded him, and the old headmaster yelled, telling the old man guarding the school to go to the nearest village to ask for a barefoot doctor.The old man ran away.I fell beside the teacher, not daring to leave half a step. Half a day has passed, and the doctor has not arrived yet.The old principal is missing another person. The teacher closed his eyes and closed his mouth tightly. At noon, he began to gasp for breath.Then one of his eyes opened but wouldn't close - I thought it was looking for me.I cried and shouted: "Teacher, I'm here!" He seemed to say "no".But I'm still not sure he was answering me. "What to do, grandma, this remote place...God help him, a good man, his wife is not here, he was an orphan since he was a child..." The old headmaster wiped his eyes. I firmly remember the last sentence. Ah, so he was an orphan.An orphan fell into a foreign country, deep in the mountains, under heavy snow... Dongdong footsteps sounded, and the barefoot doctor came down accompanied by two people. He was in his fifties, thin, and carried a wooden box with red letters on his back. As soon as he put it down, he would lean over and roll the patient's eyelids.Then he auscultated and asked again, finally opened the case, took out a black wallet, and pulled out the silver needle from the folder. Trembling silver needles were stuck everywhere on the teacher's legs and hands. Time passed by every minute and every second.It was getting dark. The sound of breathing subsided.Breathing was almost inaudible. The barefoot doctor said: I'm afraid it's not the right thing... I fell on the palm of the teacher. When it got dark, the teacher stopped breathing. Apart from my grandmother and grandfather, this is another close relative I saw die in front of me.In this way, I lost the last asylum in the mountains and the true benefactor on the road of life! For the rest of the days in the mountains, I have to bear it by myself... ... the drumheads are delightful in the vineyard.She seems to have just grown up, her dark eyes are very similar to yours... She always stands in a corner and stares at something, her eyes are full of compassion.She looked at an unfortunate, misguided, hopeless child. Can I go back to the city, to the little den where I was expected to be quiet? I don't know how many times I have answered myself... what is left is just the memory of all that, and use it to resist the loneliness of being alone.I admit to being overwhelmed by a pain occasionally.Our situation may be somewhat similar, the difference is that you are still staying at the original place, and not far from Bailao, and all I hear day and night are the sound of the waves... You said you would come to my vineyard once - you know how happy we would be! Better to wait a little longer though, because the season is not good and all of us are too busy to be with you.Of course, more importantly, there are other reasons... Bai Hui!How can I forget the spring when the lilacs were in full bloom, it seems like just yesterday.But this is autumn, an autumn that makes people sweat and cry... A few days ago, I went to the beach to find the fourth brother of the kidnapper, because he had been away for too long.The group of people pulling nets was not like in the past, they gathered together and made a lot of noise.I knew what happened, and ran over to see that there was a large piece of sea water in the bay that had changed color—it was a layer of oil pollution, spreading across a large area, beyond the horizon at a glance.It spread here with the currents and tides.I think it might be something wrong with a tanker. The fisherman kept cursing there, and fished out the dead clams from the oil and buried them on the sandy shore. This is the second time something like this has happened at sea.Some people say that this is a fault caused by the drilling ship deep in the bay, and some say that the oil tanker leaked or crashed... Anyway, this blue bay is suffering damage-it is more than 20 miles northeast of our vineyard. The mouth of a river, where the water is now the color of soy sauce.There is a paper mill on the upper reaches of the river, and two chemical plants jointly established with Hong Kong people.Here, as elsewhere, there is something of a joint venture obsession.They don't think much about the consequences of this "joint venture", they just rejoice blindly, and excitedly publish it in the newspaper. The fourth brother Kidnap squatted among the group of angry fish pullers, smoking non-stop.I stayed beside him for a long time, but he didn't even notice.We did not speak on the way back to the vineyard.There is one thing on everyone's mind: Something terrible is approaching the plain.This would be a real catastrophe. It seems that life is about to settle on the plains.It is chilling to think about the possible consequences. For the first time I envisioned a forced retreat.Where shall I go then? On the way back to the vineyard, listening to the heavy footsteps of the fourth brother, I couldn't help but think of the war thousands of years ago.When the Cape of Dengzhou faced the powerful Di and Rong tribes, the Laiyi people had no choice but to cross the Laotie Strait and go into a tragic retreat.Later, King Qin went east, and representatives of the Jixia School successively arrived at this last piece of land—Dengzhou cape... This is also my birthplace and my final destination. Violations are inevitable.I am bearing, enduring.Maybe this day will finally come - to leave Cape Dengzhou... This is really a bit of fate. I sorted out some fragments of ancient songs in winter.I'm very invested in this work. I think it's a very important encounter—one doesn't just get that kind of chance. You read these old songs.Although it is incomplete, I have found it bit by bit. [Ancient song fragment] The two brothers of King Laiyi are Guzhu and Ji, Horses are domesticated in the cape of Dengzhou—neighing like thunder and swift as lightning, laying a vast expanse of clouds. They forged the unique sword in the world, The shimmering cold light is dazzling, and every warrior wears it by his side. The buckles of the armor are made of gold, and the saddles are inlaid with bronze nails and jade shells. Flying on the horse, galloping and drawing the bow, the arrows crush the fierce north wind one after another... The two brothers of the former king also had quarrels, and Ji bid farewell to his homeland and went to northern Xinjiang. Pass through the Laotie Strait and the left wing of Harqin until you reach Lake Baikal and the Suna River. They reclaimed boundless forest land, planted mulberry, raised silkworms and herded cattle and sheep... ——The grievances started from a snow-green treasure horse, which was left by the father and king, together with a military uniform. ...... Heavy snow covered the surrounding fields, and Ji Ruwen heard that the horns of Dengzhou Haijiao were flying. Jie and Di walked out of the wild highlands, ransacked the Central Plains and crossed the Yellow River. Lone Bamboo led the warriors to stand up against the enemy, fighting day and night and spilling blood all over the field... The commander-in-chief's divine sword pierced Rong Di's leather armor, split the shield and cut off the iron spear. The heads of Rong and Di were drifting in the river, and their armor was scorched by the blood of the enemy. The most hated are the natives of Heyou, who have been favored by the king of Laiyi for a century, rebelling and chasing wild monsters! A group of warriors besieged fiercely, and the Lone Bamboo King drew his sword and screamed loudly, uttering a cry of distress... If there is a call from the gods, Ji leads the crowd to rush to the hometown, whipping day and night. The horse neighs with despair, the river whimpers with sorrow. The bow and sword of the ancient kingdom of Laizi are broken, who will settle the unjust debt, and who will pay it back? "King Laiyi quickly stepped out of the tent to welcome the brothers who crossed the Laotie Strait, Three thousand soldiers are dedicated to death, let us work together to tide over the crisis! " The power of the two brothers shook the East China Sea, and the shouts of fighting were like waves smashing mountains. On the 10th, he drove Rongdi to Hexi, and on the 20th, he returned to the magnificent hall. King Laiyi put the golden crown aside, wept on the front of his clothes, and wanted to complain silently. Ji supported his elder brother, called out the king of Laiyi, put on the golden crown, and continue this immortal fame! ... This is the reconciliation, where Gu Zhu gave Ji a condor. The two brothers swore in front of the Excalibur: Jealousy, suspicion, and self-interest are always their sworn enemies. The spiritual light shines on the cape of Dengzhou; the god of the sea protects the Laiyi iron cavalry. Tame the waves like a horse, step on the vastness like a fertile field, gallop to the frontier of sunrise, take our sword, shield, warrior and flag... Ring bell made a new dress for the forehead.She was so poorly dressed that she didn't even have a change of clothes when she first arrived.This little girl didn't know many words, and she just finished three years of elementary school and came home. Her mother said that she could write her own name, and it was useless for a girl to learn to read.Now as long as we are free, my fourth brother and I will teach her a little bit.She was almost ready to write a letter. Seeing that the bell was cutting clothes for her, Gu Feng immediately became a little uneasy.Her face was flushed, she stood looking out of the window for a while, and then returned to her room.Ring the bell to call her, and want to measure the size again, but she just doesn't make a sound.The bell was not happy, and she called again, and she came out.Measured and she stood by my door the entire time.I was flipping through a book at the time, so I asked her to come in. She finally stopped calling me "manager" - she did at first and I corrected that.She calls my name like everyone else now, but with difficulty.Now she was standing by the table, biting her lip.Then she breathlessly said: "... I am so blessed! " I look up at her. "I'm so blessed. I've never worn such nice clothes, and, besides, I eat such good... meals... Everyone treats me so well, I don't want to leave the garden for the rest of my life..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she said these words. I told her it was nothing, the conditions in the garden were still poor, but it could be much better in the future. She stood there, looking around, panting heavily.Suddenly she said, "Let me do your laundry for you!" "I wash clothes by myself." Because I often run around outside, I even do simple sewing and mending by myself. "Thank you Xiaoguer, no need." She stayed in the room for a while, saying that she wanted to wipe the glass and clean the house, but I stopped her.She rubbed her hands anxiously, "I have to do something for you, what should I do?" "You've done enough for the vineyard, you're tired, more tired than I am." "But I have to do something for you myself..." "What is for the vineyard is what is for me." "This...but..." The forehead is very embarrassed.Then she left. Two days later, she started to tie a pure white cotton vest.This is a kind of net-button summer shirt that boys on the plain like to wear very much. Skillful girls can weave various flower and bird patterns on it.Bell picked up the half-knotted vest and looked at it, and saw that there were already two big roses on it—it was realistically adorned on the chest. "What a pair of clever little hands!" Ring took up her chubby little hands on her forehead, rubbed them together, and hugged her hard again. Bell has no children, and she probably regards this little girl as her own daughter. The bulging face was already very red, but now it looked as if it had been dyed with rouge.She looked at me, lowered her head in a panic - her hands were moving so fast, it was dazzling. The next day, when I came back from the outside, as soon as I entered the room, I found a small package of coarse cloth on the table; when I opened it, it was the white net vest. I put it on - I must admit, it's the most beautiful summer dress I've ever worn.It is so bright that people can't bear to wear it on the body, because it is definitely a work of art.Those little hands knotted it one thread after another, condensing so much labor and emotion.She put too much trust in me.What have I done for her? I believe that wearing this summer shirt woven by a country girl should be a man who knows how to be ashamed.It clings to the skin and I'm afraid I'll get it dirty. ——Looking back on these years, I have helped others with modest efforts in many places, and the help is considered sincere.But who gave me such a huge trust like the forehead?I have measured a large area of ​​land with my feet and made countless friends, but whose trust is as pure as the forehead? I face her and her family with nothing but shame. I have no power to change their fate.They are too poor and too kind.I understand more and more how close my life is to them, how many of them are plains... I am so moved by the thought of this.I began to know who I was consciously approaching and looking for.I have always been in the same category as the poor, and this is indisputable in my heart... What I have to do now is how to help this little sister grow up well.We can't let her suffer any more damage, she must grow up healthily. ... We rarely talked about those topics, although we were as candid as we could be.You're right, we can't be honest enough. I often find myself, like everyone else, with envy or something that I can't get rid of.Sometimes I feel how unbalanced my input and gains are, and it is almost impossible to balance—maybe it is with such grievances and fears that I made some inappropriate and extremely excessive actions at that time. In a person's life, there are not many moments like ours together.This is the same for everyone. After a person enters middle age, how important is his search and summary.People are different. If a person is middle-aged and still doesn't know how to make such a serious and down-to-earth summary, he probably won't have any hope. I am reviewing the warmth of a life that cannot be regained.We are all working together and facing it together. we are the same. We all possess the necessary courage and sincerity. So, in such a special, alone time, the first thing I think of is you, and I confide in you.If I don't tell you my feelings on this plain, I will feel restless.I am sometimes surprised at this state of my own.What I tell you is so different from what I tell other people—such as Meizi, Mr. Hu, and the fourth brother and his wife... Some would point out that this is a "borderline emotion", no, it should be at the center of human emotion.There should be this kind of gratitude, a kind of warmth in the state of health between people, and they should be greatly comforted by each other.Because the world is too dangerous, in the face of common sorrow, what is more important than the comfort of the same kind?Money and everything else pales in comparison to it. Your talk is so calm.This peace reminds me of your noble and beautiful face, your black and shiny hair as soft and long as spring water.What you told me back were some important ideas that were difficult to articulate back then.The tentacles of your mind are becoming sharper, instead of becoming tired and dull like others. The connection between a person's emotions and thoughts in middle age is a major event in his life. It will lead me to a kind of purity.Except for you, no one else probably has this kind of power. This power needs to be discovered by one's own self. When I told Meizi about this, she really understood.I am so very grateful to her.This is different from tolerance, which is rationality plus tolerance.The current interpretation of tolerance is tolerance and compromise.A good word has been spoiled. The first time I saw Meizi, I thought she was extraordinary. That day I went to a typing room in an outside unit and spotted her right away.I'm curious, why do you think she looks like this?It seems unreasonable... She wore plaid socks, high style.It's the first time I've seen someone dressed like this.This kind of socks reminds me of the attire of twenty or thirty years ago: simple, with more or less country flavor.Her hair was so black and bluish, cut very short, her nose was slender and turned up, and the groove in the nose was vivid and moving.Those eyes are reserved and focused, and they look at each thing for a while—it looks at me for a while.As if I was someone to watch, that's what I thought at the time.In fact, she is very focused on everything she sees.She is the kind of person who would be mistaken for dullness when she first meets her.Not at all. The point is that she is too delicate, too small.When I first saw her, I immediately thought of a character in Andersen's fairy tales: Thumbelina. She seemed to need someone to look after her, and to spend all her energy without complaining.She gives people the feeling of cherishing caress and nursing.It was with this feeling that I approached her. Later I discovered that any life has its own tenacity.She seems to have suddenly grown taller and thicker.But I still gave her a nickname: Pocket Child... For a long time, I have always thought that if one person's care and care for another person are extremely cumbersome, it will drag a person far away—whether it is in a geographical or spiritual sense.Looking at it now, this is just an imagination and has no basis. On the contrary, people can only move forward rapidly with doubled care and concern.One has to accept and recognize cumbersomeness.Only in this way can people be troubled and happy.