Chapter 4 04

Bai Hui, how many people are there in the world who can talk calmly and keep remembering like you and me? We've given up on being hard on each other and just talking honestly. The tide is slowly passing by, covering the huts, the vineyards, and the whole land... Occasionally, when we think of everything that has disappeared or will disappear, we will be terrified of this unexplainable mystery, and we will open our eyes for help. Eye.When I look at you, I know how different this look is from ten years ago.I have imagined your appearance over and over again, but I can't think of it. Are you OK?Are you happy?You must... I admit that I was glad for a while after the violinist parted from you.I used to feel awkward when I heard you call him a "genius".

I was a little annoyed by his false headgear and protruding belly.Now you are yourself again.But now is the time when you are particularly worrying. I even want to persuade you to return to Mr. Bo, but that is also a kind of torture.You will be alone, either by yourself or with them.That being the case, then you are on your own. The violinist was your classmate in junior high school.I remember that in the past I couldn't help but say a few bad things about him.At that time, his belly hadn't bulged yet, but his eyes bulged too much.Such eyes are beautiful according to you, but to me they are empty and devoid of content.There is a floating gleam in these eyes when they turn to you, reminiscent of a fish; and when they turn to me, they are immediately sharp.

He rarely smiled, incompetent and conceited.That's my past impression. But now?How much I miss the feeling of sitting in the theater together.I worry about you and I feel sorry for him.His pain can be imagined.You are an absolutely wonderful human being...how beautiful you are.I am full of respect just because of your beauty.Beauty is bestowed by the gods, and it is more or less a quality.In that chaotic city, you are beautiful by yourself... The violinist is like all of us lonely men now.Who will help him? Without love, without consolation, what is there?I know he is deeply attached to you.After you got married, I once watched his performance, and suddenly found that he had greatly improved, and I was really immersed in it, fascinated.He is like a different person.I knew right away it was you who gave it to him.Helping a man find his lost passion has always been the greatest thing a woman can do.

You are capable of this. But you disappeared into the sea of ​​people in no time. You are helpless.I know how kind you are.I dare not even think about the past.I was so young then with so many unique and deep rages.I did that because I wanted to explain my life to you—not just about you, but about the world, about everyone’s grievances... I have too much to say right now, and I was reminded of the violinist’s lament very many.Isn't life hard enough?What reason do we—all of us—have to betray, divorce, and hurt again?Who understands a person's long grievances? Who knows why I am angry?I am furious.I loved you dearly then, but I was furious.Today, when I ask for forgiveness, it is easy for me to think of the anger of ten years ago, and remember that I was trembling with anger at that time...

I miss you, and I miss the violinist.This era that does not allow people to take a breather, for good people, its heart is hard. I would very much like to go again to the city where my fate turned, the city where you are.I want to take a good look at the buildings and streets, my old teachers and friends.But I couldn't move for a long time.What makes me so hesitant, so disheartened? Have you seen "Old Master Hu"?I miss him a lot these days.I seem to have a lot to say to him... As I told you, the character of Xu Fu fascinates me.I don't want to talk more about him with other people, as if it's just my personal, or some people's secret.In fact, almost everyone knows the story about Xu Fu picking the elixir for Qin Shihuang and taking three thousand boys and girls to Japan and never returning.It is probably because of the wide spread of this legend that this character is hidden in the depths of history and reality.

I sometimes search for this character with great curiosity.I have almost walked along the different routes that King Qin took three times on his eastward tours. I have arrived at Langyatai where he killed hundreds of people, Chengshantou where he shot and killed sea sharks, and Laishan Yuezhuci where he sacrificed..."Historical Records" As the most reliable official history, "Xu Fu from Qi" was also recorded.The man and his voyages seemed indisputable.It is not far-fetched that someone regards him as a great messenger, navigator, and compares Columbus to him.But I don't think it's more than that.

I want to understand what kind of place his birthplace—or the city he lived in for a long time—Shixiang City—is like... You will be interested in this ancient city.It is located in the cape of Dengzhou. From the map, this is the edge of a continent. It cannot be smaller, and it is a corner inserted into the sea.It belonged to Qi State before Qin destroyed Qi, and it belonged to Dongyi Border City after Qin destroyed Qi.As early as when there was no land subsidence in the Laotie Strait, the culture here was already quite developed. It was located in the center of the ancient Donglai Kingdom, and had the most prosperous fishing and salt industry and iron smelting.At the end of the Qi State, with the eastward movement of famous figures of the Jixia School at that time, Shixiangcheng had become a gathering place for famous scholars in China.Some of the most important people visited and gave lectures here, including Zou Yan, Han Fei, Chunyu Kun, Xunzi...

Why did they come to Cape Dengzhou? What kind of characters are the Jixia School? Before King Qin unified China, Qi State was the "head of the Five Hegemons".The cultural center at that time was in Qufu during the Spring and Autumn Period, and in Linzi, the capital of Qi during the Warring States Period.Linzi, the capital of Qi State, is more than 20 times larger than today's Linzi City. "Warring States Policy" once recorded: Seven to two hundred and one thousand, not waiting to be sent to Yuan County, but the death of Linzi is already two hundred and one thousand.Linzi is very rich and powerful, and all its people play the Yugu, the zither, build and play the qin, fight cocks and dogs, and perform Liubo.On the road to Linzi, the hub of the car hits, the shoulders of people rub together, the curtains are formed, the curtains are raised, the sweat is raining, the family is prosperous and rich, and the aspirations are high.

In such a prosperous capital city, Tian Wu, Duke Huan of Qi, established a school in Jixia, Ximen, and later developed to more than a thousand scholars.Among them are famous military strategists, statesmen, philosophers and artists, such as Song Bing, Mencius, Xunzi, Sun Wu, Sun Bin... Confucius, the master of Confucianism at that time, also gave lectures in Jixia.The famous theory of "a hundred schools of thought contend" originated from the Jixia School. Qin Shihuang unified China from west to east, burning books and burying Confucianism in Xianyang. Some escaped scholars first gathered in Qidu, and as Qin's army moved eastward and Qidu perished, they arrived in the Cape of Dengzhou one after another.This is the only small territory where Qin's military force is inferior. The terrain is complex, there are mountains hidden in the sea fog, and there are even land islands.But Qin Shihuang would not easily let go of the benefits of fishing and salt here, and more importantly, of course, political stability.

The bachelors in Cape Dengzhou had no way out. They managed to remain hidden from the people. Qin Shihuang paid attention to protecting "skills" and "artisans" when he burned books and pitted Confucianism, and never burned medical books.He especially likes the art of immortality and is fascinated by witch doctors. At that time, the Cape of Dengzhou happened to be the place where "alchemists" who specialized in the art of immortals prevailed, so Jixia scholars gradually merged with "alchemists", and they must be called immortals. Xu Fu was probably just one of them.

Qin Shihuang's eastward tours again and again were of course to firmly control this frontier.He has always had a sense of mystery and fear on the eastern coast of Qiguo and Cape Dengzhou—this is probably not speculation. Have you ever been to Xi'an—have you seen the terracotta warriors and horses unearthed from the burial pit of Qin Shihuang's Mausoleum?Such a large piece of terracotta figurines, with solemn expressions... Where are they facing?East! They looked up and stared at the east in confusion. I think Qin Shihuang was confused about the Cape of Dengzhou until his death.I seemed to hear his eternal sigh. On his way back to Cape Dengzhou for the last time, Qin Shihuang died in a sand dune. The Qin Shihuang's east tour, which has been written in history, is crucial to the human history of Shixiangcheng.Before the east tour, it inherited the legacy of the Jixia School and became the only "city where a hundred flowers bloomed" at that time. There is a folk song saying: "There are scholars in the west, and the sound of reading aloud every night", which vividly describes the grand occasion.With the repeated eastward tours, the Qin soldiers suppressed the territory, and the influence covered the border areas. The sound of reading aloud in the towns and cities must have disappeared, and it was replaced by the sound of praying for immortals and gods. It was at such a moment that Xu Fu appeared on the stage. At least in many ways, he has studied Qin, Qin Shihuang himself, and the civil servants and warriors around him.Of course, he would not be unfamiliar with Li Si, the most important person around the King of Qin. Li Si was a figure split from the Jixia School. It may be Prime Minister Li Si, not Qin Shihuang, who caused Xu Fu a headache.However, the ambitious Yingzheng who had just unified the six countries gave Xu Fu the possibility to expand his ambitions.He understood what this mighty figure in front of him was most afraid of.There is an insurmountable obstacle in front of any omnipotent "giant": time.The Silent Hour is the most fearsome and powerful adversary ever known to man. It was death that Qin Shihuang feared. In the face of King Qin's great fear, Li Si's clarity and reasoning lost their strength. Xu Fu spoke eloquently, talking about the illusory "Three God Mountains" and "the Elixir of Immortality", talking about monsters and giant sharks in the sea... He proposed hundreds of buildings, ships and warships, a large number of grains and crafts, bows and crossbows Hands, three thousand boys and girls... What a lion. King Qin went through so many thrilling incidents during his wars against the six kingdoms and palace coups, and was finally able to save himself from danger and become the only victor.But under the pressure of time, facing a somewhat ridiculous deception, he lost the basic judgment. "Okay! Xu Fu, I order you to lead a fleet of bowmen and crossbowmen to visit Penglai, the abbot, and Yingzhou..." In this way, after careful preparations, Xu Fu and his party finally set sail from the Yellow River Camp Port at the mouth of the Yellow River, and separated from King Qin forever. It was such a long preparation process from the eastward migration of the Jixia School to the sailing of the fleet.They know best that just a magic spell is not enough to protect themselves.In the end, their ending can still be imagined, that is the fate of Confucian scholars in Xianyang. Nowadays, there are a lot of folk legends preserved in the Cape of Dengzhou, and most of the ballads about Xu Fu and King Qin are about that trip to the east.But as I said before, it was the old song that surprised me the most.Its spiritual temperament is different from ordinary legends, which makes me have to be cautious.I have collected and sorted out some fragments, but I dare not concatenate them, I just need to keep their original nature as much as possible. Now I only pay attention to the following aspects of some information about Xu Fu's eastward journey: one is the records of classics, such as China's "Historical Records", "Three Kingdoms", "Hou Han Shu", "Qi Cheng", Japan's "Shenhuang Orthodox Records" ", "Different Names of Japan", "Continued Fengtuji" and so on; the second is archeology; the third is this ancient song to be discovered.I think I will be the first person (?) to unearth this ancient song, and I am confident that I have this ability-this not only means that I am a songwriter, but also has other more important conditions ... I'm currently working a lot of energy on this, and have been working on it all off season.When there are new developments, I will report to you in time.You will probably be the first to appreciate this ancient song, and you will also know what I have been doing all these years... ＊＊＊ It's raining again.It has been raining intermittently for three days.In the middle of the night, I opened the window and looked, and found that the rain had not stopped.The peninsula has a humid climate, and it gets a little stuffy when there is a lot of rain. The fourth brother kidnapper's injured leg is very uncomfortable in such weather.He began pounding the leg again and again.The mood of ringing the bell is completely influenced by the man, so he doesn't make a sound at this time.Even the spotted tiger will be downcast.I tried to get the fourth brother to tell the story of his time in the arsenal—he was a handsome young man at that time, and he once worked as a security guard for an old military factory director, and it is said that he could win the favor of the girls in the factory... The fourth brother smoked heavily, smiled, and refused to speak. Ring the bell and work hard on the food.She went to the beach to get a few big fish to make soup, and took an apron to pick mushrooms and day lilies from the miscellaneous woods, and picked a lot of beans from the fence around the garden... She also soaked it in dried pagoda flowers, Add flour and oil and salt to make a delicacy that only exists on the plains: Sophora japonica cake.It is said that this kind of cake was invented by a fox who lived on the big beach for a long time—it is a female, and it usually transforms into a beautiful girl with black and thick braids; Just use this kind of cake to lure them to the hut for a day or two. People who have eaten her cakes will never forget the sweet taste, so they go home to imitate it, and it has been passed down.People on the plain have another name for Huaihua cake: fox cake. I think that the vineyard is warm enough now. Everyone sitting around the table is a real big family. The spotted tiger is lying on the side, eating its share, pursing its mouth and looking up at us.The aroma of rice mixed with the crowing of chickens outside the window, there is a kind of indescribable comfort... Meizi obviously felt this deeply when she was on vacation last time, but once she returned to the city, she was quickly fascinated by the rhythm there up.It is difficult for her to break free. If the rain doesn't stop, it's impossible to work in the garden.Or tell a story. Who will tell?They wanted me to tell stories from long ago—I was silent for a while. Sometimes I face the rain outside the window silently, and I can't help but think of the scene of me running in the mountains during the continuous autumn rain.I was in my early teens and was really alone... It was a dark night in the fall of that year, and I followed that middle-aged man away.First, let him hold my hand, bowed his waist and ran under the tree until he reached a peach tree in the most southwest corner.After hearing no sound, I hurried to the south.Pass through miscellaneous trees, a sorghum field, peanut field, and cross a shallow ditch; go west for a while, then turn south.We are going to Nanshan, to recognize that "foster father"... The middle-aged man kept silent, and I also kept my mouth shut.He was holding a package from his mother, which contained a pair of shoes, a little money, a few changes of clothes, and most importantly, a few pieces of pot pie. The cold autumn wind that night made me shiver.I was wearing an old gray-green dress with short sleeves.How new this dress was once, it was made by my mother for me, it was cut by my grandmother.I wore new clothes to school and made the gang so jealous.They say that any family has all kinds of clothes—"their family has a lot of weird things!" I once carried a schoolbag to school with a refined wooden handle, which probably used to be used by my grandfather. students' curiosity.They questioned me in surprise and disgust for a long time... I believe that it was the teacher who told about the situation in our small hut. Their attitude influenced the students, and everyone began to look at me strangely.I was seen as an ominous outlier. There was only one female teacher in the elementary school who was kind to me.She seemed so lonely too. She is beautiful and shy, and does not speak.She only speaks with her eyes. There are some chrysanthemums growing on the east side of our house, and I picked the biggest and most beautiful ones for her.She put it in a water bottle. When I went to school, I had to go through a miscellaneous forest, and there were all kinds of wild flowers beside the path. I sometimes picked a large bunch and ran to her in one breath—I found that she liked flowers so much... The night was so dewy that my shoes were all wet.The water on the leaves of the crops also wet my clothes, and I shivered when the wind blew.The middle-aged man looked up at the sky, and with a "thud", he tightened my hand.He wants us to go faster.We will rush into the mountains at dawn and stand in front of the "foster father". I can't imagine the scene at that time.At that time, I would stare at that old face so hard that it would make him tremble. I actually became a son to a man who had nothing to do with me.I do not want to. Henceforth my little hut, the great beach, the myriads of wild flowers and berries, and my mother, whom I shall miss day and night, we parted together.The small body covered by the plain cloth flashed before my eyes again, it was my grandmother; and the old grandpa curled up in the wilderness bushes... Cold tears slid down my cheeks, and I angrily Erased. In this way, I followed the middle-aged man to the south.This is the most difficult road that a person can walk in his life. We gradually climbed up the hilly terrain. In the gray night, I looked hard at everything around me.The crops are getting thinner and the trees are dwarfed.This is a barren land, and there are no surprises here. I remember that I have been looking south from the heights of the plain, staring at the blue mountain shadow in the distance.It sometimes dances gently under the mist.That mountain shadow turned into a strange song that resounded in my ears, and I could watch and listen to it for hours.Because then my father was in the blue mountain shadow. The huge boulder appeared.The middle-aged man panted heavily.He bowed his waist and looked ahead, and then looked back.A yellowish band flashed in the east, and my heart tightened: it was almost dawn.I said I would come as I went, and turned behind a big rock. Middle-aged man sits down and smokes.He didn't bother to smoke all the way. I took one last look at him and closed my eyes.When I looked up, I found that the stars of the day were as big as sunflowers.Jumping in a panic, I ducked down, moved from one boulder to another, and finally ran away.I heard a rock being kicked down the steep slope by me... I heard that my future father is a tobacco-curing person, who lives alone in a small stone house on the mountain, and works in front of the tobacco-curing oven every late autumn.He has no children and is very old.Because he lived to the end, he needed a son. It was too late for him to have a son. When the poor old man was looking for his son for the first time, he met such a stubborn and wild person like me.He must have been sitting in the small stone house waiting that day.At dawn, only a middle-aged man walked in empty-handed.The old man was furious. This is impossible. I will always be the son of the little hut.Although I deeply hate a person.With the arrival of this person, I will be uprooted... I have been running around in the mountain gap ever since.What a strange mountain, I climbed up and down, the clothes on my body were quickly scratched by the thorns, and my hands and feet were full of blood - where am I going? At night, I got into the grass nest and looked around with my eyes wide open.The wind blows through the mountain pass, making the sound of "Su Er Su Er".Something was moving among the blades of grass, and suspicious bushes.Before the moon rises, all eyes are closed, with gloomy faces—the mountains and rocks near and far are staring at me, and of course they don’t accept me as a stranger.I thought maybe something wild would come and eat me in the middle of the night while I was still dreaming.Thinking of this, I dare not fall asleep. A stone rolled down from the top of the mountain, and the loud noise vibrated in the valley, and the echo spread far away, causing a burst of dull laughter on the other side of the mountain... I was seized by bursts of hunger. During the day, I'm happy with a full meal.There are many ways for me to eat, such as helping the villagers in the valley, collecting herbs and selling them to the purchase station-there are a lot of herbs here, and I have learned to identify herbs from my grandfather since I was a child.On the uninhabited mountains, you can often see lonely small stone houses.They seduce me strongly, let me come closer to see the reality.I always tiptoe when I come to the front, for fear of alarming someone inside.I always imagined the people inside as "foster fathers" who had betrayed. Almost every small house is empty.Why did the master leave?Why are these small stone houses built on the bare mountains? These are all mysteries.These mysteries are as puzzling today as some prehistoric relics. If it is to watch the house of the mountain man, then what is there to look after the hard mountain?If it is the residence of the single boss, then they don't have to build their nest in this deserted place. The small stone house is like my "foster father" who has never met, they are really lonely.Sometimes I watched from afar, and a pity welled up in my heart.I grieve for the grief he may have had.How many people will I grieve for in my life?Add to that my own sadness, and it looks like I won't be happy... I was wandering in the mountains, fantasizing about adventures, constantly missing those relatives and friends I had never met at all... At this time, I was extremely yearning for the female teacher in Linzhong Zizi Primary School, recalling her touching my shoulders and hair again and again a feeling of.I also imagined meeting someone else in the mountains—surely, he or she must rescue me and aid me in some way. In this way, I was looking for tiny opportunities in the endless running. First of all, of course, I still want to see "Father".I have visited countless small stone houses, most of which are empty.Occasionally, I met one or two idle people, and they were all homeless people who stayed inside with nothing to do. Their small oily backpacks were thrown aside, which was scary. The small house used to have a stove and an earthen kang, but now they have all collapsed.Sometimes there are one or two animals in the empty room, and they always run away in a hurry when they see me.The half-collapsed corner of the kang is a pile of grass, a soft nest, and the shape of their bodies is printed on it.I lay on the small window without a wooden stick and looked inside fascinated. If it rains, I'll have to find a hut like this. I often have to stay in a dark room and wait for dawn.If I encroach on the place of other animals, there is something walking around in the middle of the night.Once it approached boldly, stayed in the shadow for a moment, and left disappointed and helpless. I really hope it can come back again. Only once did my hand touch a hairy body.It was also a dark night, raining, and nothing could be seen.The sound of its breathing is soft and inviting.I woke it up by touching it, and it yawned and went back to sleep.I shook its slap and found it warm.I touched its mouth carefully again, and felt the ridiculous two-legged beard that is the same as all four-hoofed animals.how happy i am.Then I thought it might be a homeless dog, otherwise it wouldn't be so calm. Thinking about it that night made me so sad and so close.I wanted to hug it, but I couldn't help it. Its daybreak.I regret that I was too sleepy, I didn’t know when I fell asleep, and when I woke up, there was nothing, only a pile of thatch where the animal’s body was warmed up… How charming is the silhouette of a homeless man walking up to the ridge, carrying a pack, looking around in the morning sun!I can now see silhouettes like this when I close my eyes. Once when I saw such a person, I was so startled that I couldn't help but yelled.The silhouette outlined by the rising sun and surrounded by a layer of golden light remained motionless.I yelled again, and he turned his face to look in the distance.Ah, my heartbeat started to speed up, and I walked towards him unconsciously. I walked up the ridge and he came along.But he walked very slowly.When I could see his appearance clearly, I regretted it: he was not the homeless people I usually see, but a strange person I had never seen before.He was dark and thin, slender, wearing a pair of glasses and a hard shell hat with a long brim.He held a stick in his hand, and bound his legs—the first time I've ever seen a man wearing leg bindings.His rucksack is also much bigger than the average homeless man. At last I saw that one of his legs was wounded, and that there was a spot of redness in the wrapping. I helped him and helped him to a small stone hut where he had spent the night the night before.His lips trembled in pain, and he was still smiling.I unwrapped his leg, got some herbs for pain relief, chewed them up in my mouth, and applied a layer to the wound.He immediately said that it was cool and comfortable.I remember one time when I climbed up a big tree to dig out a bird's nest, I was stabbed by a branch when I came down. The old man also used this method to deal with me, and the wound healed quickly... We sat side by side.He smiled reassuringly.At noon, he opened the rucksack: everything inside, small pot, millet, kettle... We started cooking. This was the best meal I've had since coming to the mountains.I was very impressed with his delicate little pot.At that time, I thought: I also want to have such a small pot, which can cook all kinds of things for me. At that time, I will put beans, willow sprouts, sweet potatoes and pumpkins...into it one by one. That small pot was made of steel, not an ordinary pot, so I didn’t realize that wish until a long time later—that’s when I had already graduated from the Geology Institute, left ○3, and fantasized about being a "troubadour" ... I later learned that he is the teacher of the largest mountain middle school in the surrounding area, and he has the habit of wandering alone during holidays.He was very curious about me, and it seemed that he was as curious as I was.But he, like me, is not eager to know everything about each other. He probably noticed that I sometimes stared at him warily. I spent a day and a night with him that time.When I left, I walked with him for a long time until I sent him to the edge of a big sandy river.What a big river it is, it's a pity that it has mostly dried up.I went to that river to see it during the high water season, but the water was still not enough to fill the river... That day he walked along a dry river, leaning on a cane, and looked back at me after walking a long way. I know this is a good guy. I will never forget that person and that school for the rest of my life.Of course, I knew on that farewell morning that I would look for him again, but for some reason I didn't leave. At that time, I spent more time missing my mother and the little hut.I can't help but think of it in front of the sudden collapse of the earth cliff in a kind of tragic bird song-is my mother sick?Is there a new misfortune in the little hut?I heard that if something big happens to a close relative, the son far away must feel something, there must be an omen... I dare not go back there, because my mother won't let me go back, not only that, but let me never Mention I had a father on the plains. I tried to exclude my father's shadow when I missed Ping Yuan, but I never succeeded.He will be with me for the rest of my life, and haunt me for the rest of my life.All my misfortunes will be due to having such a father, which was finally——confirmed later. I've been through a lot because of having a father like that, and it seems like it's only just begun.He ruined the joy of my youth, the love of my youth, the stability of my middle age, and maybe the happiness of my old age... The strange thing is that as I grow older, I miss him more and more. This is unavoidable and cannot be changed. up. Bai Hui, you know this.You were the first person to hear my father's story.And because I violated my mother's exhortation, no matter how great the retribution is, I should admit it.only…… I continued to run in the mountains covered by rain or snow.Have you ever seen those dreadful waifs?At that time, I hardly had any decent clothes. My hands and feet were covered with mud and wounds, and my hair was covered with crumbs and grass seeds.I spent the winter night in the haystacks at the edge of the village, and the noise I made alarmed the dogs on the street, who howled restlessly all night.They didn't understand a lonely wild man, they didn't know me then. But I have discovered since I was a child that I have a special ability that I am proud of.That is, I have the ability and expertise to get close to animals and communicate with them.So when I find a dog, cat, wild bird, etc. that is my enemy, I often feel a kind of inexplicable and great frustration.I always hide this frustration from others. I know an infinite number of animals—their habits, their languages, their mysteries, their hidden anxieties... I find that they are delighted when my hands touch their bodies.At any time—until today, when I have a long and complicated experience, I think that I have common interests and a deep understanding with them.I think this is not a misunderstanding. I have more than once grasped an animal's self-respect—and I know the common taboo of all four-hoofed animals: that nearly all of their self-respect is in the whiskers.If you don't get along with them for a long time, stroking their whiskers will cause a fury...and placing a palm on their back will immediately win a trust.At this time, they develop a good impression, and look back at you kindly... At that time, I was curled up in the depths of the haystack, facing a group of dogs barking and besieging me. I felt that the whole world was rejecting me and despising me. I really had no way out. If you get out of the haystack, you will freeze to death.If I don't reach out to ask for it at dawn, I will be hungry and faint, because I have been hungry for a long time.I think too much at night like this, and how much I miss can also be used to resist hunger.Of course, it is the mother who misses, the grandmother who wants to die, the grandfather, and Daqing who is closely behind.I have also spent a lot of thought on those people I have never met, such as my grandfather, grandpa, grandma, uncle and grandpa who helped my father a lot... I deliberately stop my thoughts in front of my father every time. After that, I just wanted to be a "foster father".If I had honestly followed the middle-aged man to recognize him, it would have been much easier now, at least I would have a place to stay.I'm too recalcitrant, and too self-respecting.This self-esteem was given to me by the little hut, and it will probably follow me for the rest of my life.