How am I not an ant? "Oh, look at this little one, whose head is as big as my fist." The father of the cousin's father is the grandson of the son of Confucius' son's son's son for hundreds of generations, so the cousin's surname is Kong. Put my first hat on his fist. The doctor thought my size was not enough, so he baked me like toast for several days in an incubator. A few days later, I took me home, and the doctor handed my cousin a menu, and my cousin started to circle around the kitchen. She cut, chopped and boiled all the food and poured it into my mouth.A month later, she looked at me and said, "This kid is a bit fat, and his ankles are so thick that he can't even show his feet!"

She squeezed my toes just below my ankles, then smiled and waved and made faces at me. I don't respond. "Oh my god, it's terrible! It's stupid to eat!" I was taken back to the hospital to do artificial gymnastics. After a month, I lost weight and got feet; In another month, I will grow in the long; In another year, I can cry, laugh, sit, stand, talk, walk, and talk to ants; When the ants move in a few years, I can scald them all to death with boiling water; This is my home. "Big rice, scrambled eggs, I ate bowl after bowl, I ate my stomach, stretched my pants, went to the river, washed my pants, and the toad licked my pants, licked my pants, and bit my butt."

The eldest cousin was humming a song while walking in the yard while shaking me in her arms.The snoring of parents rushed out of the large windows of the north house, and the sun shone on the eggs of crabapple leaves. "What did my cousin eat today?" "Eating wisteria flowers." On the wisteria stand in the front yard, only wisterias are left to cover the sun, without the scent of flowers.My cousin poked down the wisteria flowers with a big pole, put them in a basket, steamed them in a steamer, mixed them with garlic and salt, they were still purple and fuzzy, and had a tangy aroma, but I don’t know if it was the scent of flowers or garlic. fragrant.

"Leng, Leng, there is a child named Kong Rong, who will humble others since he was a child. He only picks the small ones for eating pears, and lets others eat the big ones. Leng, Leng, Leng." Big Biao Gu compiled all the comic books into songs and sang them. No wonder no one wants to take the pears first. Whoever takes the pears first has to be Kong Rong. As soon as I fell asleep, I grew taller. As soon as I grew taller, I dreamed of falling off a cliff and woke up with a fright. My cousin said, "I grew taller again." The caterpillar lay under the peach blossom and stared at my neck; the sheep stared at the cat under the jujube tree; the bastard crawled out of the water tank and buried himself in the soil to escape; the hedgehog watched the grapes sour; the rabbit ate the peony flower... ···The eldest cousin turned the courtyard into a farm, and my brother insisted on planting wheat in front of the door.During the Spring Festival, the whole family ate the watermelon that had been stored in the cellar for half a year. Like my mother! "This child, why are you talking nonsense? Don't dare!" The big cousin frightened me with her small eyes, but she didn't smile.

"You are the flowers of the motherland. You are the hope of the world revolution. You must learn to be civilized and polite. When foreign guests come tomorrow, you should take the initiative to hug them and kiss them. Who farted?" the kindergarten teacher asked. The children look at each other. "Okay, now you sniff each other's butts, whoever farts is the one who farted, and then you have to expose the person who farted." We start sniffing each other.Every day teachers can teach a new game of exposing each other.Those who dare to expose are good boys.I smelled the stinky butt of Song Li next to me, and he said, "If you dare to expose me, I will beat you after school."

I didn't expose him. When the teacher asked us to expose each other, Song Li "exposed" me. "Okay, let's go to the playground to dry the smell." The teacher said to me.She praised Song Li for daring to fight against bad people and bad things. She said that children should learn to expose bad people and bad things from an early age! I didn't dare to expose Song Li, so I had to go to the playground to dry the smell for him. Why do people have long noses?It protruded from the middle of the face and was disgusting and ugly, and it always smelled bad.When school was over, the adults on the bus squeezed in the crowd and farted secretly, and everyone reported it.We kids can be heroes if we need to; we're short, always squeezed among asses, and have been taught to "smell asses".Really good-looking people never have long noses.

My mother took me to the famous elementary school, which has a history of cultivating great people for hundreds of years. The first test question was: "Should the cage be used to keep people or birds?" Receiving the admission letter became the object of concern of the leaders.The leaders invited the teacher to eat snow-white pig's trotters and gave them foreign dolls. The dolls were locked in a special exhibition room. The teacher said that the pig's trotters in Zhongnanhai were much whiter than those sold in the market outside. The leaders waved their shovels to do demonstration work on the photos, and sincerely patched up large patches on the clothes.The eldest cousin wears cheongsam and leather shoes when taking pictures. She has saved a box of "disposable items" and is usually reluctant to wear them.

"I want to be a fly." I wrote in the composition. Compositions with scores as high as mine were all nailed to the wall for demonstration, with the exception of me and Wazi, whose ideal is to be a "Master's Wife".The teacher read it on the spot, everyone laughed, and the baby cried.Later, she no longer wanted to be the ambassador's wife, but always wrote in her composition that she wanted to be a rag picker. The Chinese teacher said that I have a language genius, but unless I write about flies as class enemies, I will not display them on the wall.She asked me to add: "Let the winter freeze us! Let the fire burn us! Let the sewer wash us away! Let the fly swatter kill us! Let the poison...  ·"

Ah yo hello. "The head is hanging from the beam, the cone is piercing..." said the head teacher. "The evil old society... the central idea of ​​this lesson is..." the Chinese teacher said. "Did Liu Wenxue sacrifice himself to protect the sweet potatoes in the commune? Anyway, you should pay attention to the characters of sweet potatoes, and don't write them into books!" said the calligraphy teacher. "Uncle Lei Feng writes a revolutionary diary every day. Can your diary be published? If you can't publish it, it means that there is something wrong with your thinking!" said the counselor of the Young Pioneers.

"The big brother from the Soviet Union and the little brother from China meet and shake hands, and ask for money to buy candy." Sang the jumping children. "What are you talking about? You're going to die? I don't know if Su Xiu has repaired it long ago?" An old lady came over and slapped her, and went home grabbing her ears. "In fact, people are going to the grave day by day." In the last class before retirement, the history teacher suddenly drew two small figures on the blackboard, one far away from the grave, which was us, and the other near the grave, which was him. "If you don't believe me, think about it every morning when you get up." These were his last words.

I was so scared that I couldn't sleep, I piled up a coffin with quilts and imagined how to beg for food.The family at the entrance of the alley sat on the threshold facing the street and had dinner, and it was delicious. "This kid is so beautiful!"? !In order to rub the car and flatter, the woman who danced with my father grinned at me with a bloody mouth drawn from the picture. "Put on the school badge!" said the student on duty. "Swallow the fat!" said the head teacher. "Wash your hands and wash your hands!" Mom called as soon as she entered the house. "Children are not allowed to listen to what adults say!" My cousin pulled me away from all the adults who were talking. "Today is going to change the weather." The old man pulling three rounds at the entrance of the alley watched the sun beat his legs. He stood next to the public faucet at the entrance of the alley to scrape his tongue every morning. "Toilet paper is coming from the non-staple food store." All the adults and children at the entrance of the alley lined up to buy women's toilet paper. "Sharpening the scissors---making the kitchen knife---" the whole alley takes a nap at noon, and this sound can jump over the high wall, pass through the courtyard and enter the north room. I can't be an ant with a protruding nose that can smell, and I can't be a fly to be washed down the drain.Revolutionary ideals plus standard weight; "morality, intelligence and physique" plus a red scarf; I'm just waiting to shake hands with the leader. "Two-thirds of the foreigners in the world are in dire straits and need to be rescued by us"; "U.S. imperialism specializes in manufacturing high-heeled shoes and swing dances to poison the people"; "Little Global has a few flies buzzing against the wall" ; Our family lives in the middle of the world where people yearn for. "When you die, if you wear a good shroud and go to the underworld, there will be a revolution and you will be beaten as a mistress." Mom said to grandma. "Then I'll have cremation." Grandma didn't want to live and die, but when she heard from her mother, she decided not to wear a shroud but to be cremated.She also ate two fried dough sticks and a bowl of soy milk in the morning, and died laughing at noon. writing a novel?Huang Haha stared at the manuscript paper in a daze.Things that I want to write but can't write keep my head alive. Is it a thought or a story?Or just plain crazy talk?Say it to the wall and forget it, and remember it when you don't say it. "Hmph, wearing this kind of sweater with a kid pattern all my life, I think I'm a kid." Sitting in the subway train, she stared at a young man across from her and said "goooo".It was warm and stuffy in the carriage, and the "little goat" kept dozing off.Huang Haha finished "stomping" the "little goat", and then used her eyes to look for other "stomping" targets, anyway, she was angry with everyone. Possibly the bad weather in London is to blame. Haha I am used to living in Beijing, and I feel that London is completely cloudy, regardless of the weather or the people. When it rains, people's expressions are more like those in horror movies.The sun finally came out, and I wanted to take the opportunity to bare my arms and legs. When the wind blows, arthritis will occur. But London is good. People from all over the world flock here, saying they are looking for freedom.There are more and more people, and the price of freedom has been robbed so high that the more people who come, the more they cannot be found.Haha I often hear Lao Gu nagging like this. Haha came to London to go to school, and asked a friend to help me rent a cheap room.Except for going to the university to attend lectures, she was alone when she returned home.I have no friends in London, and people from China are as busy as worker bees.Haha took the bursary, and was just too idle to think about it, thinking about all the benefits of London, and even forgot why she came here.Those indistinct things became a net, netting her into the classroom, and netting her to date Mike, not only keeping the class out of the net, but also keeping Mike out of the net, and keeping everything she wanted to be with her Those who speak are all separated from the Internet. She is self-absorbed in the net.There are no curtains on the floor-to-ceiling windows leading to the balcony opposite the desk, and the foldable wooden boards have to be drawn to block the windows every night.When she pulls them, she has to follow the yelling of the old shops in Beijing when they were closed when she was a child: "Under the board---" Those old shops used to be everywhere, and in the blink of an eye, they turned into big glass windows. Fashionable shop with mannequins.When Beijing just changed, it was really fun to stand on the street and look at those colorful brick walls and neon lights.At that time, people who lived in courtyard houses were all looking forward to moving to the new building, and when they all moved to the new building and walked around the unit all day, they realized that they were short of earth!Sitting in London on this side of the world, you can taste the flavor of Beijing on the other side of the world.Haha I often remember the 1960s --- two cents for a candy figurine, a bag of "Sachima" for fifty cents, "walnut crisps" made of brown sugar, professional butt wiper yellow straw paper (you have to rub the paper before wiping, and after wiping I have to rub my buttocks), women's toilet paper, small goldfish, crickets, and big cut cakes. "Cough-bah!" Even the old man who sells cakes spit on the ground, blows his nose with his hands, wipes his hands on his pants, and grabs the cakes, she thinks about it. Now she sits at the window looking out at the street.The idle old ladies on the street tremblingly walked in the sun with the afterglow of the ancient European civilization on their foreheads.She remembered the street when she was a child: the old revolutionary ladies under the sun felt that they were brighter than the sun.They patrol the street with their chests up and their eyes straight. If you offend them or they don't like you, you're done. As soon as the wife is about to say: "Don't forget..." the sons will immediately say: "Nationalist Imperialism Conservatives..." The only thing left in the street with "hooligans" Let's share the sunshine.Londoners offer antiques and go about their own business, while Beijingers pick up broken antique scraps and either sell them or smash them for fun.Haha started to find a definition for life indiscriminately again. London----Beijing---Ancient Sculpture---Opera---Family---Zhoukoudian---Ape Man---Anna Karenina---Wang Baochuan.She struggled to measure everything when she was a child by the rules she learned from her teacher.Because there is always a question of "win or lose" and "right or wrong" in that criterion, either lose or win, either the East is king or the West is a thief.Does Cao Xueqin have to beat Shakespeare?Does Li Bai have to defeat Goethe?Does my graduation thesis have to be a blockbuster?If I do this wrong, will I be out of play?Do I have to?Did he have to be like that?Why is he like that?If I don't, I can't do it. Huang Haha wrote the words "right and wrong" all over the paper.These two words have been with her for decades, and no matter what she does, she will be stamped with her official seal, adding countless right and wrong and troubles out of thin air, and she punishes herself and others with "right and wrong". In fact, what can't she think about? The name "Haha" was given by my father, which means detachment.But my father yelled "It's rare to be confused" all his life, and finally committed suicide, and my mother said before that, "A staunch Communist Party member will never commit suicide."Dad used actions to cancel that standard, and she went all out for not being the "firm", and at the same time, she went all out with mom, haha, and even herself.Haha is determined to be optimistic, so as to live up to the name "Haha" and the fate of "the sky is full and the river is round" and "big wealth" said by the hourly fortune teller.She said "haha" while writing "right or wrong" on the paper. "Oh my god, it's terrible, the children are all rebelling!" said the eldest cousin, waving the frying spoon. The year 1966 A.D. was by no means a made-up number, and what happened in the world at that time was not just nonsense.If the earth is really a rotating circle as the teacher said, then what happened to us in the morning will definitely happen to the United States at night.Believe it or not, all the newspapers here are announcing the launch of an unprecedented "cultural revolution"; when you turn on the TV at night, Americans are demonstrating in the streets and the "revolution" has already begun!We say "the words of the leader are the drums of war", and the Africans on TV will shout "Long live!" to the beat of the drums, although it may be an actor's pretend.But those foreigners who snapped up "books" couldn't be pretending, right?It is said that people all over the world have a copy of "Quotes". The old man who scrapes his tongue under the public faucet every day thinks it is expensive, so he becomes a landlord.The sun shines on this half of the earth in the morning and on the other half of the earth in the evening, so that wherever it is red, it will be red. Can you refuse the sun?When the great leader met with my brother and his Red Guards in military uniforms, it is estimated that people all over the world went crazy.I heard that even British students have long hair and curse the streets, but they are all wrong, they should find out before "revolution", because here we have long hair, high heels and cats, dogs and rabbits are considered class enemies, who dares to grow long hair unless he dares Cut his own throat to commit suicide.Foreigners can't figure out the "general direction", which may be due to a problem with the sun's irradiance.The earth is not as easy to pull as a globe. "I also want to be a Red Guard." I dream of wearing a military uniform and armbands. "Go play!" My brother said. "Why are you scolding this child?" The eldest cousin glared at him. "Have you seen Lu Xun?" My brother asked back. "Oh my god, I missed Lu Xun." The cousin stuck out her tongue and said sincerely. "Have you read "On Fucking" written by Lu Xun?" My brother started to stare. My eldest cousin and I had to "eye each other", and the primary school teacher never taught it. "Even Lu Xun said it was a fucking national curse, how can you do revolution if you don't know how to say national curse?" My brother even had his neck slung. My cousin was not convinced, so she made a small "officer's uniform" out of "shit yellow" cotton cloth for me to wear, with four pockets and shoulder straps, nothing less than the real "officer's uniform".It's just that "shit yellow" makes my brother snort his fucking nose, saying that only the KMT soldiers wear that. Forget it, brother, I put on a fake military uniform, looked in the mirror and made a revolutionary pose, and found that I could Be a dancer. I danced and walked out of the gate, and my cousin called from behind: "Go home early!" "Leave the fuck alone!" Finally the "fuck" came out of his mouth, but it didn't seem to work right. "Bastard! You should be beaten!" Mom suddenly appeared in the yard. She was wearing an old men's Chinese tunic suit, which looked tall with a high bust, a thin waist and a big butt.I ran as fast as I could. The streets are full of Red Guards.As soon as we stepped out of the biggest big red door in the whole hutong of our house, we saw that the former tricycle worker who lived at the entrance of the hutong and now "old landlord" who had to scrape his tongue next to the public faucet every day was being beaten up by a group of Red Guards. The "old landlord" was a worker pulling a tricycle a few days ago, and suddenly became a landlord these days, probably as fast as he was a landlord who suddenly became a worker pulling a tricycle one day.It is said that the Red Guards found a strange picture with the words "Gandui Lizhen" written on it from their home. Some said it was a superstition, some said it was a counter-revolutionary slogan, and some said it was a land deed.In the end, his biggest crime was judged to be that standing next to the public faucet to scrape the sticky tongue coating every morning was to sincerely destroy the appetite of the revolutionary masses, because the revolutionary masses passed by him every morning and saw his tongue coating and wanted to cut off their own tongues.He "has committed many crimes and never repented", so the Red Guards ordered him to eat dirt, turned his "landlord class" tongue into stinky shit that "despises human beings", and shaved his wife's head half black and half blue Yin and Yang head.As soon as I saw him crawling and eating dirt on the ground, with blood and mud on his head, and his face swollen like a ghost, I was so frightened that I turned around in fright. Watch him scrape out a pound of tongue coating every morning. I walked around the group of Red Guards. They were all about the same age as my brother, and they were all very powerful.But they are really beautiful, old-fashioned military uniforms that have been laundered, wide armed belts, pull-back sneakers, military schoolbags, and the three cursive words on the red armbands: "Red Guards"... My brother said that everything is in " Those who join the Red Guards after the "August 18th" interview are not real brands, and if they join next year, they will be even more "miscellaneous", so it is lucky to be selected this year.He also said that the great leader wore armbands for their "August 18th" Red Guards, so I don't deserve to be excited in front of the TV at all. He waved at me, but if Wuzhou Fengyun was stirred up for him, how could I not cry?I have to be a real Red Guard, really go to Tiananmen Square and cry at the leader, and I can't keep letting my brother say that I am unworthy.He thinks that I am only worthy of following his ass to help them sell tabloids, to "maintain the revolutionary traffic order", and read aloud on the bus "determined to fight for victory without fear of sacrifice and overcoming all difficulties"...... I don't know Who invented it to let elementary school students sing revolutionary songs and shout "Supreme Instructions" to everyone they don't know on the street or on the bus. Our voices were hoarse and no one applauded us.What are you doing?I don't know who came up with this bad idea, but now I'm big-eyed. "Hey, what are you doing at school?" Xiao Ting asked me on the school playground. "Come be a Red Guard." I looked at the teaching building, the school had already closed, and only the old janitor was still watering the flowers. "I'm also here to be a Red Guard." She was chewing toffee, and even her front teeth were "cracked".When she was in class, she used to put a wire through one of her decayed teeth to show that her decayed tooth was extremely severe. "I don't know what the conditions are?" "Just fill out a form, a family like ours..." She paused suddenly, "Is your family okay?" "of course not." "I didn't say that." She smiled, with toffee sticking to her black teeth. I know her family definitely "didn't say anything", her father is a general, and her mother specializes in treating people in "Zhongnanhai".Her teeth showed that her mother "destroyed private affairs" for the revolution, just like my mother gave birth to me prematurely for the revolution. The only Red Guard organization in our elementary school was named "August 18", which of course means "regular army".Xiao Ting and I probed our brains, and as soon as we walked in, there was a "snap" sound of the belt, and a boy with big eyes seemed to be waiting for us on the belt. "Why are you here?!" He kicked on the chair with one foot. "Come to sign up." I said tremblingly. "Join the Red Guards." Xiao Ting hadn't finished chewing the toffee. "You want to be a Red Guard just looking at you?!" He stared at Xiao Ting's mouth.I suddenly found that the men and women wearing yellow uniforms all around were senior students. As long as I stood up straight, I unconsciously puffed up my chest, slumped my waist and pushed my buttocks, which was the result of the teacher desperately asking us to hold our chests up.My brother said that if you want to imitate an adult, you have to hunchback, and the more hunchback you have, the more majestic you are, but is the revolutionary image a straight chest or a hunchback?I just sat down. "Why are you sitting down?" The boy's eyes widened. "stand up!" stand up.Simply puff up your chest, slump your waist, and pout your butt like doing radio gymnastics. "How old are you?" The boy looked me up and down. "eleven." "Eleven? Just fucking eleven and you still want to be a Red Guard?" He hung his neck, and he was only twelve. I put two toes into a figure splayed, and looked at the movable toes in the cloth shoes.