Chapter 18 Spring water: 6-9

Dear Tingsheng: Today is the first anniversary of our correspondence.Last year today, we were still strangers; this year today, we are already the closest people in the world. While you were running in the mountains, I was playing in the water.I am my brother's "commander" and he follows me forever.Sometimes, I really want to have childhood again, we enter each other's childhood.So, we go to play together, what should my brother do?You told me that you also have a younger brother, so let the two younger brothers play together. Life in the mines is a precious asset to you.Lu Yao's "Ordinary World" is about life in the mining area. When I read this novel in high school, I was so moved that I shed a lot of tears.I can imagine the danger, dullness and tediousness of underground life. In the dark tunnel, I must make my heart a little sun.The heart will shine, so there is no need to fear the dark.

In the past two days, I have been reading some texts about the Russian poet Mandelstam. Akhmatova describes a time of terror, when poets were like beggars.One of the two rooms in the Mandelstam house was occupied by a snitch.Later, they were simply kicked out. The husband and wife are sitting on the street, and the husband says to his wife: "We should learn to change our profession. We are now beggars." The wife replied, "It's easier for beggars in summer." The last poem Akhmatova heard Mandelstam read was "On the streets of Kyiv...".Among them are such sad sentences:

You're not dead, you're not alone There is still a beggar girlfriend You can admire the magnificent plains dark, cold and blizzard No matter how difficult the times are, his wife, Nadja, is always with her husband.Once, when they lived in Akhmatova's house, Mandelstam fell asleep on the sofa when the owner had just spread the bedding on the sofa.Nadya sat aside, gently watching her husband fall asleep. When Akhmatova returned from an errand, Mandelstam woke up and read the poem to her.Akhmatova repeated.Mandelstam said "thank you" and fell asleep again. Later, he was arrested and "distributed" to the frontier.The husband and wife cut off the audio.

Mandelstam sent only one letter from the place where he was killed, to his brother Alexander because he was unable to contact his wife.In the letter, Mandelstam asked sadly: "My dear Nadya, where is she?" He also asked for warm clothes to be mailed to him.Relatives sent him a package. The package was returned and the recipient was no longer alive. Mandelstam is both miserable and happy because he has a wife who loves him from beginning to end.Dear Tingsheng, I am also willing to be your "beggar girlfriend" and face the snowstorm with you. With you, I can feel the warmth without a match.

Russia is truly a fascinating place.You have written a lot about Russia. You and your friends Mo Luo, Wang Kailing and others are all people with a strong Russian complex.Obviously, what attracts you is not only the vast wilderness and dense forest, but also the hearts that are struggling in suffering but never yielding.In the final analysis, it is those beautiful, gentle and extremely strong Russian women -- can you hide your thoughts from me? But women like that aren't unique to Russia, am I? Xinjiang poet Kitano has a poem called "To a Little Russian Girl": Please accept a poem from a stranger

you little blond russian girl Now that Pushkin has died in a duel Since Lermontov was again exiled from the Caucasus Now that Yesenin's red accordion has died down Now that Ivan Alexeyevich Bunin is dead Please accept a poem from a stranger you birch russian girl When your brother hums a bloody boat song on the Volga I am in the place where the Yellow River whimpers Carrying blue bricks and bones, build the king's city wall I'm as sad as your brother in the Urals Please accept a poem from a stranger your youthful russian girl the evening bell has struck The setting sun burns the prairie golden

The Erqi River is flowing through my heart towards you Although I can't sing in the language of your ancestors But my squares are as bright as your Russian stars In his poems, there is a kind of sorrow that penetrates into the bone marrow.These verses do not seem to have much to do with China, but if you taste carefully, every sentence is about China.You also have a lot of words about Russia, I know, you write about Russia for the same reason, "the ulterior motive is not in the wine".Otherwise, why do you pay so much attention to that distant country? China, which is as disaster-ridden as Russia, when will you be able to have birch trees as tall as Russia?

It's just that Kitano's last judgment is too optimistic: Can square characters really shine like Russian stars? Dear Tingsheng, let's color our love with Russia.I am the girl from Russia who came from afar. love you forever Xuan June 2, 2000 Xiao Xuaner, my dearest person in the world: This time last year, I went to Tanzhe Temple.This year, I went to Chuandixia, a small village on the outskirts of Beijing. "Chuandixia" is a very interesting name and a very interesting village.It is like a small castle, but also like a paradise.The villagers still live in buildings from the Ming and Qing Dynasties, and the bluestone streets have been polished as smooth as a mirror by the years.Time has lost its power in this forgotten village.Unlike in the city, the streets and houses change in a year or even a month.

I stayed in the village for three days before returning to school.It was only when I read your letter that I realized: We have known each other for a year, is it long or short? You talked about Russia in your letter, you talked about Mandelstam, as you said, I have a lingering Russian complex.I look up to Russia because I want to go to Russia to find warmth. Ordinary people may find it incomprehensible: Russia is covered in ice and snow, how can it be warm there?To find warmth, you should go to the tropics, to Southeast Asia, which is prosperous all year round. However, the warmth I am referring to is not the temperature of nature, but the warmth of the soul.There are so many noble and hot hearts in Russia, and they have warmed me like bonfires for many years.

You see our little "mind".Yes, we used to long for Russian men because there were so many great women around them.Now, I don't envy them anymore, because you are here, you are the little girl who descended from Russia, and you are the little girl in Kitano's poems. Xuan, I want to hug you forever, let us warm each other, let our skin moisten each other like water plants.Except for being hugged by my parents and grandparents when I was a child, I have not hugged anyone or been hugged by others for many years.My body, my skin, my soul was starving and parched all the time.Until I met you, a spring finally gushed out in the desert.

I want to embrace you, and all the people in the world, orphans and widows, beggars and criminals, those who love me and those who hate me.This kind of desire has sprouted in me long ago, and it was not until I met you that they were highlighted irresistibly.I discovered the hunger of my skin. Sometimes, Beijing has a rare good weather.When I walked under the golden ginkgo tree on the campus and carefully stepped on a thick layer of leaves, all my troubles and dissatisfaction disappeared magically, and my mood was as good as the blue sky without a shadow. At this time, I felt like stepping into a beautiful scene in a love movie. I suddenly had an urge to hug everyone and let everyone hug together...Of course, I will not "act rashly", I would resist this "surreal" urge with a sense of desolate bliss, and then move on peacefully.Because, even on the campus of Peking University, which is known for its wildness, such behavior is shocking.It may be tolerated by others, but it is difficult to be understood by others - at most people will think that it is an artist doing "performance art". In an era where "coolness" is the fashion, it may not be appropriate to use the poet Auden's argument that "love is heaven" as the coordinates of life and art.If this concept of "warmth" is introduced into the operation of performance art, it will be an adventure close to pedantry.However, two young artists around me took such a risk, and they planned a performance art called "Hug Day"-no, their approach has gone beyond a performance art. I am happy to participate in this event of theirs.They are my good friends, avant-garde artist Gao Brothers. According to the Gao Brothers, it seems that people have reached a consensus: performance art uses "cool", "ruthless" and even violent methods as fashion interest and competition indicators.It is true that cruelty and violence are often powerful, they stimulate and can shock us—and art needs shock.If this shocking effect does not pose a danger to the lives of others, they are willing to believe that art that uses cruelty and violence as means is justified. negative.However, they also believe that when the actors only use cruel and violent ways to grandstand, what is shown must be the deformed obsession with cruelty and violence itself and the lack of talent of the mentally retarded actors. Today, artists are increasingly hard, tough and ruthless.This is not a good thing. So the Gao brothers said, "We need to turn around and look around." Two days ago, on a sunny day, it was nine o'clock in the morning.Nearly one hundred of our "volunteers" rented three buses and went to Chuandixia Village to implement a behavior plan called "Embracing Utopia for 20 Minutes".This is a very interesting event, and I rushed to it too.I'm not one to join in the fun, but this isn't "the fun". Some of the volunteers are old friends, and more are new friends.It was the first time I was invited to participate in a public performance art, and I couldn't help but wonder: Why does "hug" become "art"?After all, in China, people don't have the habit of hugging.Hugging is generally regarded as a Western etiquette or an act of intimacy between lovers. Sure enough, when they arrived at the pre-selected open space at the head of the village, people still seemed suspicious and at a loss.People stand apart and keep a certain distance from each other. The Gao brothers had to give some painstaking explanations for the meaning of this act.The two of them made a hug "demonstration" on the spot, and hugged many male and female friends respectively.They're trying to make it clear that hugging -- with people of the same sex or with people of the opposite sex -- isn't as embarrassing as we might think.In fact, since we all have the desire to love and be loved, each of us must also have the desire to embrace others and be embraced by others... Gradually, everyone entered the state, and according to the principle of free combination, each of us Choose your hug partner. They hope that everyone will choose the opposite sex to embrace, but in the end, due to the constraints of customs, many people still choose the same sex.More than a hundred people stood together scatteredly, and for the first time, in the name of art, and even more in the name of love -- love is higher than art. Hug together.Fifteen minutes of hugging in pairs at the same time, followed by five minutes of cuddling together. I quickly entered the scene.In the sky, we stand on the gloomy land bathed in the sun, and the yellow river flows silently from us to the distant sky... One person hugs another person tightly - like brothers, like sisters , Like a lover - at that moment, we are pure and beautiful.For the first time, man and man, man and nature seem to be so harmonious, so long ago. During the 20 minutes of silence, the huggers closed their eyes and listened to each other's heartbeat...a kind of super-daily complex feeling and experience, which became the eternal gift of memory. We lived in the village for three days, and we stayed at the villagers' homes for a small fee.No special hospitality, they treated us like family. Today we drove back to the center of the city.Everyone gathered in a high-rise building that was suspended, and once again felt each other's heartbeat when hugging.From the suburbs to the city, the change of the scene makes the atmosphere of the embrace change from quiet and beautiful to sad and gloomy. The Gao Brothers told me that this was their first rehearsal of "Embrace Action."They hope that this behavior can be carried out in more public spaces in the future - in rural areas, factories, schools, downtowns, squares, even the army, prisons... They say that regardless of men, women, old or young, noble or humble, and regardless of occupation or status --Let's hug!Let our lives get rid of the slavery of power and money at the moment of embrace, and transcend the antagonism, competition, resentment and all sadistic and masochistic power relations between people. This event reminded me of a fairy tale I read as a child: Once upon a time, there was a sad angel, he was sad because he only had one wing and could not fly freely in the sky. Until one day, he found an angel with only one wing like him. Knowing each other's loneliness, they couldn't help embracing each other.Their wings also trembled with excitement.Just then, to their surprise, they flew up. We are all one-winged angels, and we can only fly if we hug each other. I have deep respect for the efforts of the Gao Brothers.When the brilliance of love is repeatedly desecrated and dispelled by the hypocrisy of the old ideology, the ridicule of ruffian culture, and the lies of the world, we really need to reawaken the awareness and desire of love, and let us learn to love in embrace—because, we They should love each other, or they will die. Ning Xuan, my lover, we have embraced once, and we will embrace for a long time. Next time, if I have a chance, I will let you meet the Gao brothers, you will definitely like them. Tingsheng is always yours June 8, 2000 My dearest Tingsheng: It's a pity I wasn't able to join your "action hug". The Gao Brothers are definitely not the kind of "entertainers" who want to please the public. From your description, I can see that they are people with real faith. It is said in "The Ethics of Priests": "Beauty, strength, wealth, honor, wisdom, contentment, children belong to those who know how to live rightly, and belong to this world." Hugging and loving each other are leading to the right life path of. Since our acquaintance has already passed the first anniversary, in this letter, I want to tell you a "secret" - the secret of why we met. Our acquaintance was not ordered by our parents, nor by a matchmaker -- if you insist on finding a matchmaker, it will be your debut novel "Fire". I once vaguely told you that I didn't buy that book in a bookstore, but read it through other channels. In fact, in the months before June last year, I saw "Fire" in bookstores of all sizes.However, I never picked it up and looked through it.I am a very picky person. When reading a book, I first look at the cover. I require that the cover of the book should be exquisite and delicate, or elegant and generous.As for the cover of "Fire", for some reason, it is designed in a gaudy way, which I don't like very much.Coupled with the advertising slogans on the cover that pretend to be shocking, it made me even more disgusted-later, I realized that it was all the ideas of the bookseller and had nothing to do with you. However, at that time I didn't know what was going on behind the scenes.As a result, he made the mistake of "judging a book by its appearance".Several times, I missed "Fire".However, the friends who should be known will always be known, and the sweet spring that should be drunk can be drunk even in the desert.There is a magical fate that leads us like an invisible thread.When we still know nothing, everything in the future has been arranged. It was the afternoon of June 2 last year. I returned to the dormitory after get off work and felt very bored.I originally wanted to go shopping with the girl in the same room, but she had already gone out with her boyfriend. I went downstairs for a stroll.We live in a huge community.This new type of residential area has all the service facilities that one expects to find, and can almost meet all the needs of life without leaving the community.For me, there is one need that cannot be met - I am a bookworm, and I need a small bookstore.However, there has never been a bookstore in the community. Maybe it is full of working people who come and go in a hurry. How can they have time to buy and read books. A few days ago, I suddenly discovered that on the corner of the first floor opposite, there was a hut and a small bookstore opened.The blue signboard is exquisitely and uniquely designed, with "Xiaolan Bookstore" written prominently in artistic characters.This name is the most common name. In those few days, I was too busy with work and didn't have time to go in and have a look.Today, I had a half-day free, so I walked in and thought: It’s great, I opened a small bookstore next to me, and I don’t have to go far to find books anymore. Sure enough, this is a nice small shop. Although it is only about 20 square meters, it doesn't look crowded at all.Books are neatly arranged on the bookshelves, and tapes and CDs are also placed on the central shelf.Every bit of space is fully utilized, but well organized.The bookshelf is also equipped with pulleys, which can be pushed gently.It can be seen from the decoration of the bookstore that the owner must be a young man with taste. Luo Dayou's school songs from that year were playing all the time in the store, the volume was very low, if there was nothing there.Except for the singing, the store was quiet, and three or two customers were reading books quietly. I think the owner must be a Luo Dayou fan. On the left shelf, there is a small note indicating that this is a book for sale; on the right shelf, a small note indicates that this is a book for rent.There is a clear distinction between the books on both sides.I haven't seen this kind of small shop that rents and sells books, books and music mixes before. That day, I didn't want to buy a new book, I just wanted to rent a light novel to go back and kill time.When I was a child, I liked renting books very much.At that time, I usually rented comic books, such as "Astro Boy", "The Adventures of Tintin" and the like.As soon as I took it home, I rushed to see it with my brother.Later, when I was in college, I occasionally rented a few romance novels to read, but I got bored after reading a few—the same blunt storyline and the same hypocritical language style did not appeal to me. Most of the books for rent are romance and martial arts novels, and this bookstore is no exception.I am not interested in these two types of books, so I flipped through them here and there, feeling a little bit disappointed. "Student, what book do you want to read? Can I help you?" Suddenly, someone asked me behind my back.It was the voice of a young man with a thick voice. "Classmate", this is a long-lost address, which is both kind and a little strange.That day, I was wearing a white shirt and denim shorts, and I did look like a girl still in college. I turned around and saw a boy about my age, his skin was a little pale, his face was angular, like a sports star. Immediately, I regretted my metaphor: he was in a wheelchair.Although it is June weather, there is still a thin blanket on his lap. He smiled at me and introduced himself: "I am A Ming, the owner of this bookstore. The store has just opened, please take care of me." "I want to find some interesting books to read." I told him that I don't like those popular books and hope to find a good book or two that are "different". "Here, this book, I think you will be interested." Amin moved the wheelchair forward a few steps, flicked his fingers over a shelf on the right of me like lightning, and immediately pulled out a book from the middle accurately. This book has a colorful cover.Guess what book this is?Can you guess it? You can't guess it--I took a closer look and found that it was the "Fire" that I had passed by several times. "This is a good book." Amin handed the book to me and said, "I like this book the most. You see, it has been ripped through. All the other books here are new books just bought. Romance, martial arts, etc., only this is an old book in my own collection. At first I was reluctant to take it out, but then I thought that if more friends read it, it would be worthy of it." I took the book over and took a closer look: Sure enough, the book was about to fall apart.I hesitated for a moment, unable to bear to hurt Amin's enthusiastic gaze, so I paid 20 yuan in rent, asked Amin to register my name, and took it home. Back in the dormitory, I brewed a cup of strong black tea and read it while lying on the bed with the attitude of reading it for the time being.This time, I can't let go anymore.This is what the ancients said "you can't put it down". A whole night, I finished reading your "Fire" - from the first page to the last page, I can read without missing a single word.It was dark, and then light again.I have no idea.I was completely immersed in the unique world this book created. I didn't even go out to eat at night, I simply made a cup of Guozhen and ate a piece of bread. This book is indeed very old. There are traces of folded corners in many places, and the spine in the middle is still loose. Some pages have long been missing.Fortunately, it is not a novel, otherwise, part of the plot will be lost in the middle, and readers will not be worried? I followed the words in the book and the people who wrote them, and I was sad, angry, joyful and smiling together.While reading, I thought, who is the author of this book?Is he really a young man born in the 1970s?I must find a way to get to know the author of this book. At that time, I decided to write to you, I must write to you. I have never forgotten the books I have read.I rarely keep finished books, but I wanted to keep this one.Although it is an old book, I would rather pay a deposit of 20 yuan, which is equivalent to buying a new book myself.When I thought about it again, Amin's words suddenly came to my mind--only by getting more friends to read it can I make the best use of it.I dismissed the idea again. So, in the early morning of the next day, I returned the book to A Ming and paid 50 cents for rent—50 cents, which was half cheaper than the one yuan I expected. Tingsheng, you are the lover I found for fifty cents.Others would spend several hundred yuan to place a marriage advertisement in the newspaper, but our acquaintance only needed fifty cents.This is really the cheapest way of "marriage introduction" in the world.I thought, if all the people in the world could get to know each other, know each other, and love each other in this way, how wonderful it would be! When I returned the book, Amin smiled and asked me: "How about I recommend this book to you? Did you finish reading it in one night?" I also answered him with a smile: "This is indeed a good book, thank you for your recommendation!" We chatted about the book.A Ming said that he bought it more than a year ago, and it has been circulated among college classmates for a long time, so that when he took it back, it was "unrecognizable".He said that there are not many novel and profound viewpoints in this book, and what attracts him most is the sincerity and frankness of the author.Sincerity and frankness are the most scarce qualities in our time. And I, after reading this book, obviously have more feelings. "Fire" smashed the "blockade" I had held on my mind for many years.Taking advantage of the excitement after reading it, I wrote you the first letter--my initial feelings are all in that letter, you can find it and read it again. Originally, I didn't have much hope for a reply, because I wrote a vague address on the envelope, not to mention that under normal circumstances, letters from readers to authors fall into the sea.However, a miracle happened.Soon, I received your reply.Then, I will write to you again.Immediately afterwards, we met for the first time.Gradually, an unexpected change took place in our relationship—we began to change from the relationship between author and reader to lovers who are attracted to each other. Our love actually started from a small bookstore, can you believe it? In the next month or two, Amin and I also started to get acquainted.From time to time, I went to his small shop to rent or buy books, and chatted with him from time to time.He said that this small shop is one of his ideals, and it is also a career that enables him to be self-reliant. He likes reading and music very much. There is an old guitar in the corner of the shop.It can be seen that it is an old guitar that belongs to those campus singers and has been used and scarred.So, he also had a college life similar to mine? When I passed by the shop after get off work, I often heard A Ming playing and singing in it. He sang those old songs of Luo Dayou.Sad and nostalgic. When he is not singing, he pushes a wheelchair to and fro in the store, tidying up books messed up by customers, or wiping the thin dust on the bookshelves.He manages the bookstore like a cozy post.He also told me that the advertisements and posters in the bookstore were all designed by him, basically reflecting his original ideas.The placement of books and records, every small label, including the small commemorative stamp on the back cover of the book, has cost him countless efforts. He is a sad man, you can see it in his eyes.His grief was not only due to his disabled body, there must be something else.However, he never talked to me about his personal life, he only talked about books and songs.On his forehead, there are traces of being hurt by life, and there are traces of his struggle against life.He rarely speaks to customers, except for a few familiar ones.He is generally silent in a corner, writing something in a notebook. One day, after I paid for two new books, I asked him casually, "Why is your bookstore named Xiaolan Bookstore? It's a very common name. You should choose something more poetic." name." After hearing what I said, Amin's eyebrows twitched suddenly, as if he had been pricked by a needle.He immediately regained his composure, and replied flatly, "I chose a random name, and I don't have any other considerations." I felt keenly that I seemed to say something wrong, and I seemed to have hurt him somewhere.I had no choice but to find a few irrelevant words to perfunctory the past, and then left in a hurry. A few days later, when I went to the bookstore again, Amin acted as if nothing had happened, chatted and laughed with me, and introduced me to some newly arrived books. During those days, my correspondence with you gradually improved.I also often go to A Ming's bookstore, and every time I check to see if the "Fire" on the bookshelf is still there.Most of the time, it's off the shelf.I think it may be placed on the bedside or table of a wise person. One day three months later, I went to the bookstore and found that it was not A Ming who was looking after the store, but a little girl with braids.I asked the little girl where Amin had gone.The little girl said that Amin was her brother, and he was sick these two days, and she came to help take care of him for two days. After I finished picking out the book, I chatted with the girl.Taking advantage of such an opportunity, I would like to ask her a little about her brother. Unexpectedly, the little girl sighed softly and told me a touching story. She told me that her elder brother Amin was originally a college student in a sports school and a promising track and field athlete.In college, Amin had a girlfriend named Xiaolan.They train together, study together, and sing together. They are the golden boys and girls in the school.They plan to get married right after graduation. On the eve of graduation, they went to participate in a snow mountain climbing activity together.Both of them are veteran mountaineers, and mountaineering is commonplace.And, it wasn't a difficult climb for them, they had scaled higher, more dangerous mountains before. That event started off very well.However, there was a serious accident on the way-the iron ring on Xiaolan's rope suddenly loosened, and the storm on the snow mountain became more and more violent.Xiaolan tried to lean towards Amin, but just when she was about to get close to Amin, she suddenly fell down a hillside dozens of meters away. It happened in an instant, and no one including Amin had time to react.Life and death are on the line. In order to save his lover, Amin quickly approached the hillside over there.Normally, this kind of climbing is not too difficult, but Amin is too nervous and anxious at the moment.Just as he was about to get close to the hillside, he suddenly lost his footing and fell like a kite, falling more than ten meters away from Xiaolan. I don't know how long it took before they woke up from the coma, and they struggled to crawl towards each other. Although it was only more than ten meters away, it was like a long march of 25,000 miles.Rescuers have not yet approached.At this time, their hands stretched out to each other.Just holding each other's hand, they both passed out again. When they were rescued back to the base camp, Xiaolan had already passed away due to her injuries, and she hadn't had time to say the last word to her lover.But Amin broke his legs and paralyzed his lower body. From now on, he will only be able to sit in a wheelchair. After knowing the truth, Amin once wanted to commit suicide.Lost his lover, lost his legs, he almost lost all meaning of life.This kind of disaster befalls anyone, and it will be a difficult threshold to cross.As it says in the Babylonian Talmud: "The world was darkened because of the death of a man's wife. His steps slowed down, and his wits collapsed." For a long time, darkness hung over his head In the sky, he could not see a ray of light. However, one day, Amin saw a photo of Xiaolan on the bedside, which was specially placed there by Xiaolan's mother.Xiaolan in the photo, who just went to college, is confident and proud.She smiled sweetly, as if saying to him: You must live a good life!When you are sad, I will be sad; when you are happy, I will be happy! At that moment, Amin realized that he must not collapse!There are still so many people who love her in this world, but Xiaolan is still watching her in another world.He finally made it through.With the encouragement of his relatives and friends, Amin regained his courage and began to realize another dream.So he opened this small bookstore. In memory of his dead girlfriend, he used his girlfriend's name "Xiaolan" as the name of the bookstore.In this way he expresses his unattainable love. It has been two years since the accident happened.In recent months, since the opening of the bookstore, Amin's mood has obviously improved, and he has found the joy of life again.Family and friends are all overjoyed with this change. In the early morning of the weekend, there was no customer, the little girl sat with me on the small bench behind the bookshelf, and I listened to the whole story. I never imagined that behind this small bookstore, there is such a tortuous life experience. Only then did I understand why Amin's eyebrows twitched when I mentioned the name of the bookstore that day.I also knew where the deep sadness in his eyes came from. A few days later, Amin returned to the bookstore.His innocent singing sounded again in the bookstore.When I saw Amin again, I felt that the "Amin" in my eyes had changed slightly from the "Amin" I knew before -- because I knew his broken past. Tingsheng, my love, life itself is more moving than novels written by writers. The shabby "Fire" I read is just one of the thousands of copies flowing out of the printing factory, but it is a solid foundation stone in the palace of our love. Always love you little Xuaner June 10, 2000 Xiao Xuaner, my love: I didn't expect that there was such a tortuous story behind that "Fire".I believe that literature is always pale and monotonous for a unique and rich life.The legendary nature of life itself is beyond the reach of any great artist and writer. If I come to Yangzhou, I must go to that small bookstore and have a good chat with that boy named A Ming.If he can drink, I will get drunk with him. I don't know if the dilapidated "Fire" is still in A Ming's "Xiaolan Bookstore"?If it is still there, I am willing to exchange a brand new one for the old one.Although the book is worn out, it has a special commemorative significance-it is a testimony of our love. I feel lucky that I chose words as the foundation of my life.Through words, I have met countless friends near or far away, met friends like A Ming who have never met, and even met you, my lifelong lover. When I am writing, I often encounter "speechless" - from the existing language library, I can't find suitable words and expressions to express the feelings, ideas and wishes I want to express. Both modern Chinese and contemporary Chinese are polluted by power and money.They are not just lightly polluted, in my opinion, heavily polluted.Not only has this pollution not been noticed and treated, but it is still going on unscrupulously. 比如，"爱"这个词语，我在当下的文化环境中使用的时候，常常有一种别扭的感觉--因为"爱"已经被附加上许多本来不属于它的成分。一看到"爱"字，我们反而联想起与之相反的东西来。 又比如，"忏悔"这个词语，你以前在信中也谈到，在国人眼中，它由救命的良药变成了致命的毒药。在这样的前提下，我们又怎么能够期望开创出令国人的心灵豁然开朗的忏悔境界呢？ 在以前的信中，我曾经跟你谈到当代诗歌的状况。我曾经说过，首先必须恢复当代汉语的纯粹性和自由度，才有可能用它来写诗。其实，何止是诗歌，写作其他的文体，也需要这样一个前提。 现在，最让人恶心的不是官僚的讲话，而是孩子的作文。孩子们从刚刚识字起，就开始学习在日记和作文中编造谎言，以求获得老师的奖赏与青睐。在孩子们的笔下，他们都是祖国未来的花朵，都是"狠斗私字一闪念"的雷锋叔叔。他们没有童心，没有童趣，过早地被成人世界俘虏。可怜的孩子，在他们自己都不知道的情况下，成为撒旦向上帝讨价还价时候的人质。 诗人北野写过一篇名叫《孩子们的作文》的文章。有一次，正在念小学四年级的儿子完成老师布置的作文，题目叫《中秋赏月》。 孩子写先后写了两篇文章。第一篇是流水账，记述了晚自习以后他们吃月饼，吃完了又喝水，喝过水后老师带他们到操场上去赏月。月亮又大又圆，像个盘子。老师讲嫦娥奔月的故事，还让他们找月亮中的桂花树。他们没有找到，只看到有两个小黑点。然后他们开始玩一种名叫贴石饼的游戏。还唱歌。还互相打闹。然后他们就高高兴兴回宿舍洗脸刷牙睡觉了。 第二篇风格完全不同。几乎没有写他们玩耍、唱歌和打闹的事，而是重点描写他们在赏月过程中突然想起了洪水中的解放军战士。文章是这样结尾的："他们为了灾区人民，与洪水战斗，牺牲了回家团圆，他们的奉献精神多么可贵呀！解放军叔叔永远是最可爱的人！我长大了以后也要……" 北野很了解十一岁的儿子的心态，他根本不相信儿子会在月光下"突然想起"洪水和解放军之类的国家大事。第一篇草稿倒是符合儿子的形象。 这时，儿子问当作家的父亲，应该把哪篇文章正式誊写在作文本上。儿子说，老师告诉他应该选第二篇，因为这篇"立意高"。 北野问儿子："那天晚上你到底是在玩耍还是在想解放军？两篇作文，究竟哪一篇写的是你的真实情况？" "第一篇。"孩子回答说。 "那么你第二篇作文是怎么回事？" "我写完以后老师说不好，让我重写。老师给我们念了一篇写得最好的一位同学的作文，让我们学习。那个同学就是写想起解放军的。我就这样写了。" 北野陷入了沉思之中：自己该给孩子怎样的指导呢？是鼓励孩子坚持真实，还是让孩子适应虚伪？是让孩子在真实中面对坎坷，还是让孩子子虚伪中获得荣誉？ 最后，父亲对孩子说："我认为你的第一篇作文比第二篇好。因为它真实、生动，一看就知道你们在学校是怎么过中秋节的。至于第二篇，也不错，想起解放军，心中装着国家大事，很好，可惜那是你摹仿别人的，因而是假的，假是最坏的东西。当一个人小小年纪就学着编造漂亮的谎言以赢得别人的赞赏，这样的孩子长大以后将是很危险的……" 父亲没有明确表示该把哪篇作文誊抄上作文本，但他相信孩子会作出正确的决定。 后来，北野把这个小故事讲给一位朋友听。这位以足智多谋著称的朋友立刻批评他说："怎么能这样教育孩子？孩子已经上到小学四年级了，连个小小的谎话都不能说或不会说，将来怎么在社会上立足和出人头地？难道你想用你那一套东西毁了孩子的前程？" 然而，我要为北野这样的父亲喝彩。在我们这个国度里，这样敢于拒绝谎言、并让孩子也拒绝谎言的父亲真是太少了。所以，我们绝大多数的孩子都在说假话、写假话，最后进入到一种"不自觉"的、"条件反射"的状态。 对母语的污染是从孩子开始的，就如同对一条大河的污染是从源头开始的。 当孩子们都在比大人还娴熟地说假话的时候，这种文明也就只剩下一副没有任何有机成分的空壳了。 汉语的问题，岂止在汉语本身？ 救救汉语，就是救救孩子、救救父母和老师。 救救汉语，就是让已经盐碱化的心灵重新变成让百花齐放的沃土；救救汉语，就是让已经断流的大河重新汇集起缕缕的甘泉。 对汉语的拯救，实质上是对我们的精神世界的一次大换血。 我们在使用这种语言的同时，其实我们是在被这种语言所使用。我们以为我们在真实地表达，其实我们的表达是在事实的真相上面再次掩盖上一层尘土。 作为一个写作者，我常常陷入一种参与犯罪的耻辱感之中。每当我开始写作的时候，我的眼前就不由自主地出现了两个人：一个是陕西的武芳，那个因为坚持要说出真相而被地方恶霸毁容的乡村女子；另一个是山西的李绿松，那个因为决心要揭露罪恶而被公安干警割去舌头的青年男子。 他们为了完整地表达人间正道，不惜付出被毁容、被割舌的惨痛代价。在与撒旦的搏斗中，他们的肉体残缺了，他们的精神却深华了。 假如所有人都有他们的勇敢，这个世界上哪里还有撒旦横行的机会呢？ 他们是我的同胞，他们的表达比我真诚、比我坚韧。 我自己所做的事情，在他们的面前又算得了什么呢？ 吻你的手指头的廷生 两千年六月十五日