Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve

The wheat will mature soon, the wheat will be harvested soon, the sheaves will be transported to the wheat field soon, the wheat will be threshed soon, and the golden wheat grains are waiting for people to lift them out and pack them in the field. Walk.Raising the field is a kind of farm work that requires certain skills in manual agricultural work. I have been transformed into an all-rounder of agricultural labor. Of course, this high-tech manual farming work cannot be separated from me, so she and I were sent to the field to raise the field.There are heaps of corn mixed with straw, peaches, weeds, and so on in the field, and I'm going to lift them up into the air and let the natural wind separate them.The heavy wheat grains fall nearby, and the lighter wheat straw, autumn seeds, weeds, etc. are scattered by the wind and look far away.She took a broom tied with bamboo to "sweep the pile". "Sweep the pile" refers to the fine straw and batches that fell on the pile of wheat grains without being blown away by the wind.Weeds and so on are swept away.I have to explain clearly this kind of northern manual agricultural labor that is about to enter the history museum, otherwise it will be difficult for modern readers to understand the story that happened below.

I think the readers probably know through my account that the natural wind is what the Yangchang needs most.There is no wind, no matter how powerful you are, you can't separate the wheat from the weeds and so on.When the wind blows, those who play must "grab the wind" and use all their strength to fight for their lives. When there is no wind, they stand, sit, rest and chat. The team leader doesn't care if he sees it. There is no wind in the fields, the poplars, willows, locust trees, poplars, even the thatch stubbles, the dogtail grasses are all motionless, the leaves and grasses point to the sky, and there are no clouds in the sky, and the sky and the earth condense into a static sculpture.The two of us had no choice but to stand by the wheat pile, you watched me and I watched you being roasted by the sun, because the weather was so hot, she no longer danced Yangko, and lay down on the wheat pile, I leaned on the wooden mill like a soldier standing guard, Wait for the wind to come and "grab the wind".Because I was bored, I took a closer look at her neck. She didn't have any "triangular area" and it wasn't white.Her neck, down to her shoulders, were all visible over the battered waistcoat.The curves from the head to the neck to the shoulders are all naturally generated arcs, like the drooping ears of grain, like the roots of green onions or the waist of gourds, and like melon vines freely left and right on the ground Extending; from the bottom to the neck of a woman without Adam's apple, it is a parabola, and there is no sharp angle that gives people a sharp feeling; her brown skin is tight and shiny, and the fine sweat from the sun is like rain on her body.Then I suddenly discovered that she could really be used as a specimen of a "natural person", especially a woman.

Just because I have seen real women, none of the women with heavy make-up that I met in the feasting and feasting later attracted me. After waiting for a while, she suddenly sat up and opened her mouth to ask me: "Old You, are you really never married?" Because some time ago, I often "accompanied the fight" as a dead tiger, and accompanied those live tigers on the stage to be criticized by the revolutionary masses. The program, so "Tiger" has no privacy at all whether he lives or dies, and almost everyone on the farm can memorize my resume.I said how dare I lie to the revolutionary masses, I just never married, what is the truth?She asked again, do you want a woman?I thought about the answer and sometimes thought that it was probably when I was not full.She said that what you said was a lie, a man will be hard when he is full, why would he miss a woman if he is not full?I said that I wanted a woman to cook for me when I was not full, just like your "sparrow", what's so strange about that?She thought about it and thought what I said was right, she nodded and said that I was pitiful.She often said I was pitiful, and even compiled the poor me into her "two-person platform", but I didn't know what aspect of me looked pitiful in her eyes. I thought life was better than the "sparrow" with a family and a mouth .She asked again, but just because you're not married doesn't necessarily mean you haven't touched a woman. Tell me the truth, have you ever touched a woman?I categorically say no, never touched!She laughed mischievously, stopped for a while, and left a bamboo knot on the broom to draw on the ground. After the drawing was finished, she smiled and looked at it again, and then beckoned me to go and have a look.

I looked left and right and couldn't see what it was. It looked like a ripe peach, and it looked like a closed eye, and it looked more like a pair of brackets with a letter 1 in the middle. Does she know something Mysterious symbols?That is impossible!At this time, there was a cow stealing wheat by the side of the wheat field. I smiled and replied jokingly, "It must be a blind cow's eyes!" , and finally collapsed on the wheat pile with a smile, tears actually came out of laughter.I also laughed with her, but I didn't know what was so funny.But when I got older and realized more and more the preciousness of "adolescence", I just realized that it was the first love letter I received in my life.Her love letter is more straightforward than all love letters written by human beings in the world since ancient times, and it is surprisingly profound than any love letter, so that the recipient will remember it unforgettable until death.

She stopped laughing for a while and then sat up again, shaking her head again and again as if very serious and sad, and kept sighing: "Poor brother! You are so pitiful, Laoyou!" Here I have to explain again, her "brother" It is a dialect word. Except for the emotional color in "Errentai", it is used in other places like "comrade", "sir" and "master", which are generally collectively referred to by local women for men.Sometimes the team leader came to the construction site to show off, and she would say, "This brother is crazy!" When borrowing something from others, she would ask, "Brother, do you have any matches?" Brother, be careful!"When I was working with me, "brother" was longer than "brother", so I didn't feel wronged because she called me "brother".But I still don't understand how pitiful it is to not recognize the symbols she draws.I have no interest in sex because I have watched the "marital life" performed by "Erganzi", and because I have cut off "sexual obscenity" since I was a teenager, how could I have thought that the strange symbol represented female genitalia ?What's more, there were too many things that made me think hard but couldn't figure it out.

When she had laughed enough, she covered her eyes with an awning and raised her head to look at me half-seriously and half-admiredly, and asked: "Old You, do you want woman X?" I said: "What's so good about it? It's laborious and dangerous, and it's over in a blink of an eye. It's better to lie on the kang and read a book for a while. Besides, how can there be a ready-made woman waiting for me to play?" " Her tone suddenly changed, even a little hoarse, different from her naughty smile in the past, she said to me in a rare gentle tone: "Old You, if you want to fuck a woman, I will give you my body. Let's play. Will you?"

I still thought she was joking and said, "Thank you for your kindness, I'm not as bold as I am yet. Let 'Sparrow' know, that would be no fun!" She smiled again, but said shyly: "It's okay, 'Sparrow' will go to the city to pull fertilizer tomorrow, and he won't come back at night. You will come to my house secretly tomorrow night, and I will leave the door for you. Huh? Ah?" Seeing that I didn't say a word, she repeated "Huh? Ah?" several times, her voice getting lower and lower each time.Her "ahhh" is hoping to get a clear answer from me.I have never seen such a shy expression on her face. She has always been unrestrained and frank. There is nothing she dares to say. It seems that her invitation this time is completely sincere.I stared blankly at her again like I saw her breasts last time, and her limbs sitting on the wheat pile with her knees hugged were illuminated by the sun, so that I didn't realize until now that she was identical to me in every way. Different, different from this damn world.She is another world that is completely different from this one calling to me, and it is the dream I often have to enter another world.From her slightly raised head to her towering breasts below to her flat belly below, a round buttocks protrude from the back. The sun shines so brightly on this natural curve!She was not simply a dead specimen, she was irresistibly fresh to touch, and she begged me to touch.In an instant, I was in a daze, shaky, as if melted by sunshine and enthusiasm, and suddenly lost myself; I didn't know where I was, but I felt dry, thirsty, and restless, and I suddenly had an abnormal feeling. The urge to cut off someone's finger or have sex with a woman is unacceptable.She is like a piece of ice under the scorching sun, only by hugging her can I feel cool and peaceful.Pounce, pounce!This voice screamed in my heart, I must pounce on her and touch her whole body to see enough.

But then suddenly a gust of wind came. I had an exceptional insomnia that night.The kang was cold and wet under my body, and I felt the roughness of the adobe kang surface through a thin quilt. It has become a habit, but tonight and night, the coldness of the soil rises from the ground, and for the first time my body feels the need for the warmth of another body.In this way, the scene of me working with her for several months reappeared in my mind scene by scene.I found out why I thought she was "interesting" and "very interesting" and why I felt so lonely after not seeing her for a day, all because I already had "some kind of" emotion for her.But is this feeling "love"?I haven't seen it in all the literature I've read, so I can't grasp it; is such a woman a lovely woman?It also makes it difficult for me to be sure because no such women are ever described in the book.I—I check the image of women in my mind, either the lady of the 19th century or the heroine of the 20th century, either coy or majestic, the most fascinated me is the "Decembrists" of the Russian Tsarist era "Wife, for a political prisoner, what does it matter if he is exiled to the ends of the earth with such a woman by his side?But all of them are so gentle and gentle, they will never talk about "married life" in public, not even in private, let alone call "married life" "XX". ;Words make me degraded, books make me weak.The "scrutiny" necessary for reciting poems and composing Fu has evolved to the point that I have to think over and over again about everything, so I think that no problem will be solved, and nothing will be successful.But physically, there is an unbearable urge after all. Now that I have discovered another world, I decided to visit it anyway.But because I suffered from insomnia for the first time, I realized that there were several bachelors sleeping around me, and their snoring was so loud that it reminded me of my current identity. I had to consider whether this was a trap?Is it a joke?Was it a prank that everyone asked her to come forward because they were bored?Also, if someone finds out... I will be sent to labor camp again if I am careless: the dead tiger in people's eyes suddenly becomes a live tiger, and then of course people will beat me to death again That, Tiger, is the biggest and last joke this damn world has ever played on me.

The fifth-level wind began to blow early in the morning the next day, and this kind of wind is most suitable for raising the field.The captain recruited all the labor force from the whole team who knew a little bit about the field. The strange thing was that the wind continued, and everyone "grabbed the wind" together, and there was no time for a short rest.Our whole team was working in the dark, and there was no time to wipe the sweat from our heads, but we both felt that the two sides were gathering strength in occasional glances.The abnormal thing is that today when I saw her, I felt sexual desire, and there seemed to be a bloody gas in the lower abdomen that was swollen, rolled, and sprayed out. Only then did I realize what it feels like to be "in heat" in animals.The way she looked at me this day was also very different from usual. Usually, when she said "sexy talk", she always smiled, in order to add some flavor to this tasteless world.Usually, whether she talks about sex, twists yangko, or sways her body, there is absolutely no hint of provocation.She is a happy person by nature, because she can't find happiness in other ways, she can only find happiness in herself, and a person only has sex and body parts that belong to her, and everything else is "socialized".If she is as highly educated as those ladies and beauties, she will entertain herself or please others with piano, chess, calligraphy and painting; since she can compose and sing "Errentai" by herself, who dares to say that she will not become a folk artist or folk singer Home?Today, however, her eyes look like those of a lady, more like a female artist or a female singer. Sexual requirements and desires are hidden behind the pupils, and her appearance only reveals expectations, longing, resentment, and tact and sadness.There are more than seventy-two expressions, woman, how can I understand you!

At dusk, a tractor rattled across the road beside the wheat field and drove towards the city.There was a trailer behind the tractor, and several agricultural workers stood on it. As expected, "Sparrow" held onto the fence of the trailer majesticly, and flew towards the city with open two skirts. When "Sparrow" almost passed us, at this moment, she and I exchanged ideas unconsciously. I glanced away.Her gaze effectively stopped my hesitation and finally pinned me to her. After I made up my mind, I waited impatiently for the night. Since I dared to jump from the third floor when I was a child, and I dared to cut off the heads of pigs and the fingers of people, it showed that I was born with an adventurous character.When I found out that she was a woman, I was willing to take risks for her.As soon as it gets dark, I become Romeo, and I am destined to go down to the balcony to meet Rong Liye.While lying on the kang with the bachelors and dozed off, I carefully planned what I would do if the situation I considered last night happened.Do this, do that, do this, do that... Thinking about it, I thought that "marital life" is not only troublesome but also exhausting. Is this kind of thing worth doing?So I secretly warned myself just this once, as if my actions tonight were purely for her.I couldn't live up to her expectant, eager gaze, and it seemed my duty to please her.

The migrant workers in the same dormitory were all fast asleep, snoring as usual, so I pretended to go to the bathroom and quietly got up and walked out.So bright, so bright moonlight!Such a moonlit night is suitable for doing anything but not for cheating.Unexpectedly, this made me pursue the moon continuously for most of my life in the future; the moon has become the source of my inspiration since then.The first time I set foot on the American continent and encountered such a moon, I couldn't help but burst into tears again.American friends who have always been self-righteous thought that my country was so excited when it came to the United States, and I said: Shit!No, your moon reminds me of a Chinese woman, and this alone proves that all the moons in the world are the same.The moon in China, the moon in America and the moon everywhere, triggered me to write. Under such a moonlight, I walked to the door of her house, and it was more convenient for her house to be next to the toilet. If someone saw me, I could pretend to pee.But there were no dogs or chickens crowing around, and the entire production team was as silent as if there was no one there.Although the moon is not a moon suitable for love, the night is a night suitable for cheating.When I knocked on her door, no one noticed, but there was a noise that startled me.She immediately whispered "Come in" at the door.As soon as I pushed the door, the door opened immediately, and she really kept the door for me as she said." After I entered the house, she hurriedly urged me that there was a shovel behind the door and quickly put the door on top.I knew that all the people on the farm used shovels as door bars, so I followed her instructions and pushed the door firmly.This happened only in an instant, and I didn't expect that I would stand in front of her so easily.The first step was very smooth, but I didn't know what to do next. Although the earthen house was not big, I didn't know where she was, so I had to stand blankly at the door.At this time, her whisper-like laughing and cursing came from the Kang, scolding me for announcing to "the world" that I had arrived at her house? "Shiren" is her dialect, which means "all the people in the world".It turned out that she complained that I shouldn't knock on the door, "cracking and pounding, so that the people next door could hear it!" But today it really came true what she said at that time, this novel is far louder than the sound of knocking on the door.At that time, I stammered and argued that it was polite to knock on the door. How could there be any reason to push the door and break into someone's house without knocking?She laughed again in a low voice: "What are you talking about 'politeness'? If you want to talk about 'politeness', you shouldn't come. Get out of the way! What are you doing here? You are here x other's wife! You melon seeds are x other's wife 'Politeness' is not 'politeness'!" Then she scolded me a few times as "melon seeds and melon seeds". She scolded me too, but I was so ashamed that I couldn't bear the shame. Taught me how to see through hypocrisy sharply and taught me to always speak sharply. Because of her scolding, I found out that she was already sleeping on the kang, and her three children were sleeping with her.The big kang took up half the area of ​​the mud room, she leaned against one wall, the child leaned against the other wall, and there was enough room in the middle for two people to sleep.The children were neatly bundled with their heads facing outwards, making it impossible to tell which was big and which was small. I was still standing at the door bewildered.She laughed and scolded enough, so she called me softly, "Come on, come on".I moved towards the edge of the kang, and she stretched out her bare arm from under the quilt to hold my hand, and softly patted the kang with the other palm and told me to sit down.Uneasy, I followed her instructions and touched the edge of the Kang with the tip of my buttocks.Then I felt her fingers soothe, her soothe with great urgency.She held my finger one finger at a time, and then her fingers intertwined with mine and twisted together. She squeezed and twisted at the same time, making my knuckles feel painful.Gradually, her scorching palm made me feel the warmth that I had never felt before. The warmth spread from the palm to my whole body and penetrated into every pore, making my eyes moist.But I seem to always hear the shovel of "Sparrow" jingling quietly outside the door, so my heart trembles as if being soaked in ice water.It was really shaking from the bottom of my heart, and the muscles in my chest began to convulse, and finally even my teeth chattered.The violent trembling quickly developed to her fingers and she felt it, so she lifted the quilt and told me to come in quickly to warm up. She lifted the quilt very thoroughly, and I suddenly saw her naked and white in front of my eyes.She seemed to come down from the moon, a part of the moonlight, the crystallization of the moonlight, and the moon shone on her.For this moment, I realized that no matter how much risk I took, it was worth it. Later, I went boating on the Mississippi River, the Mississippi River, the Seine River, the Thames River and the Three Gorges of the Yangtze River in my country. And excited.At that moment, I was indeed similar to riding a boat. Her whole body rose and fell strongly and rhythmically, advancing and retreating like river waves and sea tides.She is like the cradle I slept in when I was a baby, wrapping me up and rocking me.Her shaking made me dizzy and really shook me to another world, which was an otherworldly world, and from this I learned what it means to be "desperate to death".In that burning world she and I were hot.Such a hot hug can only happen once in a person's life, and it is absolutely impossible to have it again, otherwise the person will be burned to the ground.When I first met women at the age of thirty-nine, I realized that women are so lovely. The world would not be a world without women; I greedily stroked all the "bulging, curved, thin, flat, sticky, warped" parts that she had introduced to me.When the feeling on my hand becomes a memory, my hand is the most precious member of my body.After I die, I am willing to donate my whole body to organ transplantation, but I want to keep my two hands. I will leave a will and ask the doctor to soak them in formalin, as a proof that this world is beautiful after all.When I stroked her, she kept humming like a "two-pole" wife, and I realized that it was not some iron yoke that hurt her, but a woman felt comfortable.Of course, I also had a comfortable experience that I had never had before. This kind of experience inspired all my "adolescence", and the desire of youth accumulated in thirty-nine years exploded into a mess of madness at this moment.She was also crazy, but after a while she suddenly yelled under me, and the sea was calm, like a ship passing through a stormy sea and finally moored at the harbor.I plummeted from her crest to her trough, collapsed on her, fell into a bottomless abyss and floated in the air. But her cries startled her youngest child. When the child turned over knowingly, she still did not forget to express her happiness in her own way. She smiled softly and comforted the child in a beeping voice like this: "Sleep well, sleep well, your uncle is fucking your mother!" I couldn't help laughing out loud after hearing this "interesting" remark, but this episode brought my interest to an end.In fact, I did not enter her body as the sexual knowledge I obtained from working people in the labor camp production team declared.No matter how hard I try, how hard she tries, I'll just sink into the sand and be wiped out.So I slowly climbed up from her and sat on the kang, lowering my head to express my frustration that my success was halfway.I have plenty of youth, but I can't bring it to the fullest. My physical strength doesn't obey the command of my lustful heart.I don't know what's wrong but there must be something wrong that doesn't allow me to push my happiness to the extreme.This kind of endless happiness suspended me in mid-air, and seemed to hang there forever without reaching the sky or the ground, so I suddenly became restless and restless, which made me more uncomfortable than "married life".I hunched over and sat on the top of her kang, repeatedly sighing with regret and "alas". After a while, she also got up and wrapped her arms around me behind my back, just like when I was six years old when I was hugged by a little girl in the rosewood cabinet, and the surrounding was dark.But her breasts were naked, against my naked spine.Her face was close to mine, and she comforted me like that little girl and said: "It's nothing, nothing, don't care, don't care, okay? I'm already very comfortable, if you don't believe me, touch it." As she spoke, she took my hand to her lower body.I still regret it to this day. I thought she wet the bed like a child. If I could turn back time, I would rather lose ten years of life and turn back the time to accept her consideration at that time, because I didn’t know what I touched at that time. What on earth could a piece of piss-damp prove to me?The piss-like wetness not only did not give me the slightest psychological comfort, but made me feel a little disgusted, so I hurriedly put on my clothes and said goodbye to her. Before leaving, she said to me a sentence that will determine my life from now on. She said: "Brother, your heart is timid first!" Yes, when I returned to the dormitory dejectedly under the moonlight and quickly lay on the cold kang again, thinking carefully about why I failed, I realized that the sound of shovels clanging together was The main reason for me to settle on sinking sand.This is what you mean by "cowardly", and "it's over" proves that there is no need to be "cowardly". "The heart is timid first", and even the "marital life" can only pass halfway, what big things can I do successfully?My failure in you has inspired me to open up the courage of the future; your words have become my motto, and I will always remind me in my later life: "Timidity" is the biggest obstacle on the road of life! "Magic obstacles" are all generated from one's own heart, there is no fear in reality, and fear is "created by the heart"! Marx said that "the essence of man is the sum of all social relations", and he once said to his daughter that he has all that man has; The so-called "I am the only one in heaven and earth" has some similarities.The teachings of these sages are nothing more than to be ambitious, self-confident and self-respecting, to include struggle in tolerance, and to always face reality with an enterprising spirit.Although you are not a philosopher, you let me completely get rid of fear and hesitation, and inspired me not to be timid and afraid to imagine some difficulties to frighten myself; you make me move forward bravely in my future life.Your magnanimity and lack of scruples have infected me with the mentality of "when things come, you should deal with them and let them go"; I want to turn your carelessness into mine.My emotions and body have suffered the greatest failure from you. The serious setback in "adolescence" made me regard all future failures as trivial things, so there is nothing in the world that I dare not do! And this kind of mentality is exactly the characteristic of "adolescence": I don't know what "timidity" is!Don't know what "timidity" is, the so-called "newborn calves are not afraid of tigers"!Although I have never experienced physical "adolescence", I will always keep my mentality in "adolescence" during my lifetime, and be a "newborn calf" that will not grow up all my life.I can do this as long as I remember you. People say "selfless can be fearless", I have enjoyed everything that this world should give me in you, what is the meaning of material enjoyment to me? "If you don't bring it with you, you don't take it away with you", I have already regarded everything I have as a burden, so why should I be afraid to face the reality?At the moment of my death, I will never procrastinate. While shouting "It's over", I have to draw a beautiful arc in the air before falling to the ground. Ah, my "Bai Yanhua"! ... Written in September 1999 on Ningxia Zhenbeibao Western Film City "Peace of Mind"