Chapter 21 Chapter 21

I think you don't actually love me.If there is any sex at all, it will happen around this night.This night you took off your nightgown in front of me.The silk nightgown suddenly fell lightly on the green carpet with an earth-shattering noise, and you suddenly rose from the green water.This night you took off your nightgown and I took off your fetal membranes.We are all restored to our original state with raw power at the same time.We all smell the dampness of caves and forests.Together we experience the joys of the savages.It is equally difficult to go from civilization to barbarism and from barbarism to civilization, but we have crossed 10,000 years in one step.

At this time, all I saw was a pink fleshy light like the one that shines through your earlobe.The light surrounded me and I felt like I was back in my mother's womb again.Later I heard your screams overwhelming, you twisted under me like a 12-magnitude earthquake, and then the soybean powder flew up like a thick fog. When I woke up I saw a twilight, and the window was not like a window but like a hole without pulp.I feel like I am in Brooklyn, New York, or in a deep mountain. I can reach out from the hole and pick the fruit.I scratched my itch and thought for a long time before I realized that it was the headlights of the car rather than the eyes of the beast that swayed from the hole.

I turned my head to look at you. You slept like a savage.Thick hair covers half of your sweaty face, and your lips are still slightly parted as if the screams are still going on.Your elegance, your sadness, your education are all lost.You have achieved your purpose through me.I don't think you would have divorced your husband if you had been like this for a long time.But I don't really care about that.I find that I still love you a little bit just because you can be a Savage again.That's when you're completely real, real as a pile of meat on a butcher's table.Once you are equipped with civilization again, I will have a sense of distance from you.Then you can smack your lips, fart, and grunt like a mother beast.If we smack our lips, fart and hum together, we can fall asleep with the endless earth instead of suspended on this rusty steel frame.I have reminisced about that night more than once since.My spine itches while reminiscing.Because that night your ring scratched fiercely on it, as if the universe went crazy, and all the planets left their orbits and flew around.I've forgotten all the other feelings of that night but the back has its own memory, because it's just what happened to me when I made love to you.

I think the two of us probably collided at a certain point when one of us was going from civilization to barbarism and the other was going from barbarism to civilization.We hit it like that and we had a spark, nothing else.But your bump stunned me at the intersection of civilization and barbarism.I don't know whether I should go to civilization or to barbarism. Because I distinctly remember waking up to the glimmer of light at the mouth of the cave.That shimmering light shines on the carnation I gave you.For some reason, the bunch of carnation flowers bleed out, and bright red strands dripped on the green carpet.

At this time, I smelled blood and felt a wave of heat rushing towards my face.I touched my wet face and didn't know if it was blood or sweat.Probably sweat and blood because my face was hot and cold, and at the same time I felt a gun go through the back of my head.Instead of rushing straight in, it twisted bit by bit into my cranium, like a silk thread.I was on fire all over, and the flames kept coming out of my throat. I feel this way after every successful sex session.The strange thing is that this feeling is the same as being shot. "Will it be so easy for me to die?" I asked myself.

I was first escorted and pushed onto the truck.I got into the truck with a mix of gratitude for the clemency and a little bit of reluctance.But I don't know who it is that I am reluctant to part with.My mother has passed away, and all the women left me with only one back.So I looked back at the farm cadre who tied me to the Military Control Committee of the Public Security Bureau. The more I looked at him, the more friendly I felt. He was wearing a green military uniform without a crest badge, and he looked very peaceful among a large group of police soldiers wearing a crest badge.He didn't shave his chin clean, probably because he was too hasty to escort me to the city to attend such a grand meeting to shoot counter-revolutionaries.From then on, I felt guilty whenever I saw someone unshaven.

On the way, he once took out the money and counted it several times.He told me that his wife told him to drop by the department store to do some shopping after I was shot. "It's not easy to enter the city once!" He was very happy to have such an opportunity to enter the city. His realism about timing won me over, and we chatted as we jolted in the tractor bed.Seeing that he was approaching the city, he actually loosened the rope around my wrist.He said that the rope should not be loosened suddenly, or your hands will be useless.I completely trust him, because tying and beating people has become the main job of the cadres over the years, and he has enough experience in this regard.But then he smiled and said that you're going to be finished anyway, it doesn't matter if your hand is scrapped or not, it's better to let go. "Fuck it! Comfortable for a while."

After I was let go I found I still had hands to be more affectionate with him.I said, "You're a fucking good man! I fell into a well and I can't hang on to my ears. What's the use of good hands when I'm dead? Let's get comfortable first. I have cigarettes in my pocket, please take them out for me." Get one out and light it." The tractor rocked back and forth, and it took him a long time to put the cigarette in my mouth.We laughed for a while about it.After laughing, he stared at me and asked why are you not afraid?I said what am I afraid of?Chairman Mao taught me a long time ago that one is not afraid of suffering and one is not afraid of death. "If I am afraid of death, I am not a good soldier of Chairman Mao!" On the way I ended up becoming comrades with the revolutionaries.Yes, intellectuals can only be proved by death in order to gain revolutionary understanding.Then, he took out a small piece of calico from his pocket.There seems to be a bird wrapped in the fabric.Trembling, he unwrapped it carefully, and it turned out that what was wrapped inside was a clove of garlic, a shallot, a few peppercorns, and a pinch of salt.He said these were the things his wife had sent him into town to buy.He spread it out for me to see.After watching it, I burst into tears.Because that's when I thought about the cooks our family employed in the past.I still remember the name of that chef, and he was as illiterate as the farm cadre who escorted me.Every night when he wanted to report to my mother, he would bring a bag of miscellaneous things into the small living room and spread them all on the coffee table.A chicken feather means buying a chicken today, a piece of fish scale means buying a catty of fish today, a vegetable leaf means a catty of vegetables, and so on.His wife had the wisdom of my old friend; the same thing happens everywhere in life.But the farm cadre frowned suddenly, saying that everything else was easy to buy, but this kind of floral cloth didn't match.He held up the little piece of calico like a banner.He said it was his wife's padded jacket.His wife sewed the padded jacket and found that it was missing a foot, and repeatedly told him to buy this kind of cloth.So the two of us bowed our heads together under the banner that was blowing in the wind.

After a while, maybe it was because he loosened my hands slightly and the blood flowed away again, which made me suddenly smart, and I yelled, don't worry, I was shot to see Lord Hades The first thing I asked him was where he could buy this kind of floral cloth.I've heard that there are things in the underworld that are not available in the yangworld, which is why the underworld is called "the world of ultimate bliss", and I'm sure the underworld doesn't need tickets.He immediately stretched his brows happily and praised me for my good attitude.You said that with my attitude, I should have been shot earlier, why I was delayed until now, he couldn't understand.

Of course I simply want to have a good attitude to the end.I said that what is decided by the leadership is always right.Isn't there a saying in our China? "The King of Hades told you to die in the third watch, and he will not keep people until the fifth watch." The Chinese are really blessed to have such a leader, and the leader has already arranged when we die.He patted his thigh in agreement.He said what I said was reasonable, "It's just right on point!" I am very happy that the revolutionary masses praised me like this: I don’t say a single reactionary word until I die, so that I can die without being wronged!

We swayed into the city with dust all over our bodies and faces, and saw that the whole city was like a festival.The streets and alleys were crowded with people, and colorful slogans covered all the buildings.Tractors dragged their trailers and passed under "Eliminate all vermin," a huge banner hanging across the street.When I saw it fluttering above my head, I felt that this great poet was sitting on my back, and I also felt that Chairman Mao's big hand was stroking me kindly.This strange feeling made me dizzy.The Public Security Bureau is a gray building.I later found out that it was exactly the same color as Notre Dame.We tooted into the gatehouse and jumped out of the trailer one after the other.The soldiers who came forward were two small Sichuan soldiers.Without knowing who to shoot, they shoved him into the house.He staggered and yelled loudly: "It's not me, it's him! It's not me, it's him!" When he pointed me, I only saw his teeth.I quickly stood up and said, "Little comrades, you made a mistake. I was the one who came to shoot, not him!" Because my hands were still tied behind my back and I couldn't use my fingers, I turned around and pouted at him with my butt. Twice.I have never dared to point out other people's mistakes so confidently in my life, but at this moment I experienced the joy of telling the truth.So I think it's worth it even if I can die like this before I'm shot.I was probably overjoyed, which made the two "little comrades" very unhappy.Their excited faces suddenly darkened, and they reprimanded me at the same time: "Who is your comrade!" They pushed me into the room with a slap. I glanced at him as I lurched forward.I mean tell him to run, lest the soldiers make a mistake and drag him in and shoot him.But instead of fleeing, he brushed the dirt off his clothes and followed.Two "little comrades" stopped him and said sternly: "Okay! You have brought the prisoner here, you can just go!" But he begged repeatedly: "Comrade, let me see! Comrade , let me see!" There was already a large group of people in the house, standing in rows as if praying.I took my place on the tail of the last row and stole a sideways glance at them.They were of different heights, short, fat, and thin, but they all had dejected faces.I thought that people who were shot must make this kind of expression before they died, so I learned to do it silently.I was concentrating on posing as if I was going to be shot when a PLA officer came over and blamed me for being so late.Of course I didn’t know why, so I trembled with trepidation. Fortunately, he shouted outside the window: “Sir, sir, I escorted him from the farm. The farm is more than 50 miles away from the city, and we were notified. I didn't even have time to eat breakfast..." He wanted to continue, but the chief interrupted him with a wave of his hand: "It's okay to be late!" I saw the chief's teeth and spittle flying out together. "Do you know how much it has been delayed? The whole city is waiting to see them!" Although he choked up, his face was still full of joy of escaping death.Through the window I saw him almost squashing the others.I was suddenly proud and proud because I thought I was worth something.Thousands of people sweating to see you, this kind of glory not everyone can experience.His words reminded me that I hadn't had breakfast yet, but I still pulled myself together.But I was immediately slapped on the back of the head. "Bow your head!" At the same time, another shout came from the back of his head.So I learned that in order to be pleasing to the eye, one must put on a proper posture: neither dead nor too fresh.That's enough for me to figure out.On the wall of the Public Security Bureau is a quotation from Chairman Mao: "Pride makes people lag behind, but humility makes people progress." I think the slap I just received was the punishment for my pride, and the proper posture can only be figured out with humility. Because of my humility, I gradually entered the role.Then I heard the officer say a series of names.Among the string of names, there is one I am more familiar with, and that is my name.It has stuck to me like a leech for more than thirty years, relying on my life to feed it.So when I heard those three words, it was like being stung by a leech, and I almost cried out.The officer took a lot of effort to finish reading, let out a long breath, and finally concluded that "a total of forty-one". When I heard "Forty-one", I thought of some kind of ghost novel from the Soviet Union, as if it was also about people being shot.Then we "forty-one" were escorted out of the room.Two soldiers of the People's Liberation Army are holding a prisoner in a mighty manner.This made me complain that our farm was too sloppy: Even if July is the busy farming season, I can't just send a cadre to escort me, this is really unsightly! I looked at him with nostalgia as I got into the car.I think my relatives, my friends, and the women I have loved are not here, and he is probably the one worth looking back in this world.I saw him jump up and down in the crowd trying to look over people's heads.But the others jumped up like him, like a school of dolphins at play.More than ten years later, I watched the dolphin show in Hawaii Ocean Park and recalled this scene. I was immediately immersed in the thrill before being shot in the audience.Forty-one of us on death row were divided into ten large trucks.Before the truck started, many soldiers ran to the side of the truck holding a stack of big signs.The ink on the big sign is still wet.They hurriedly handed the signs to the PLA soldiers in the car one by one.The atmosphere seemed to be handing out candy and biscuits to us for a spring outing.The soldiers randomly put the big signs around the necks of the prisoners on death row.The weight of the brand is just right, even if I can't hold my head up, I won't be able to wear it.But I patronized to watch the excitement, but I neglected to look at the words written on the sign they set up for me. I couldn't see clearly when it was hung under my chin.I'm worried that some words like murder, arson, robbery and rape are written on it.This was the thing that worried me all the time on the parade.Although I know this is really called "death to save face", but old habits die hard.The sun was very bright this day, it can be said to be radiant.It was already noon after busying around and waiting for the convoy to drive to the street.I saw countless faces dripping with sweat and dancing, and their silly expressions looking at me were extremely cute.I tried to read their reaction to the words written on my sign in their eyes but in vain.After a while it dawned on me: they were not interested in the crime, they were only interested in the trick; it didn't matter who was shot, as long as there was a shot to watch. There are also women who dragged their children to watch.I can't help but feel elated when the child in the mother's arms tells me what to do.I think children are illiterate, the more children come, the better.A few years later, a certain head of government accused my novel of being pornographic and saying it would have a bad influence on young people.When I was accused of this, I felt like I was shot at this time.I think children under the age of 18 are indeed not suitable for reading my works. They'd better watch people being shot often.This scene is both entertaining and educational. More than a dozen large trucks swam around the city and finally drove to the main venue.The main venue was set up in a cemetery on the outskirts of the city, so that the chiefs could shoot us on the spot after announcing our crimes.I have been to this cemetery before, and I vaguely remember which lovely woman I took a walk here.But right away I knew that my memory was wrong. The walk with her on a certain cemetery must have happened in my previous life.If it happened in this life, then life is so strange and cruel that it is unimaginable.Over the years, I often confuse things in my previous life, such as the chef reporting to my mother, with the experiences of this life, which shows that something is wrong with my nerves. Maybe a shot would heal it? I was thinking about how to heal my nerves, so I didn't pay attention to the chief's speech.I only listened intermittently to what he said about "one attack and three antis", "six types of people and ten manifestations", numbers like first, second and third.I think we Chinese are really smart. We can sum up the endless world and the endless changes in the world with very clear numbers and then classify them into categories.The beauty of this worldview is that it can make people's minds extremely simple.While I was in a daze, I was bitten by a leech again.I heard the chief count my crimes: I wrote reactionary poems in 1957 and crazily attacked the party;I was overwhelmed with gratitude after listening to it.I think I committed a crime in 1957 and was not shot until more than ten years later. I have read all over the history of the world and I can't find such a lenient treatment. But a sudden earth-shattering cry interrupted my confession.I rolled my eyes from bottom to top, only to see a forest-like arm suddenly growing out of the stage.Because people were sitting cross-legged on the ground, I actually thought that countless arms were coming out of the ground.Suddenly I shuddered.What I am afraid of is not that people shouted slogans angrily and demanded that we be shot. What I am afraid of is that in my hallucinations, everyone is buried alive.After shouting the slogans, the venue still did not calm down, and there were noisy buzzing everywhere.I have a deep understanding of what it means to be "indulging in anger".At this time, two valiant warriors grabbed my back collar, skillfully turned to the right and shoved forward.I know I should go.One by one, we watched the heels of the people in front of us file out of the venue.The strange thing is that the prisoner in front of me was wearing two different shoes.Fortunately, his two different shoes are walking in the same direction, otherwise I don't know where to go.Because the two different shoes are going in the same direction, it saves me from trying to figure out which shoe to follow, so I still have time to look for him everywhere. I must find him.Because at the moment I just turned right, I clearly saw a piece of floral cloth not far in front of me, and that pattern was exactly the same as the one his wife asked him to buy.The floral cloth was worn on a little girl about ten years old, with a blue background and small white spots.The strange thing is that there is also a big sign hanging on the flower cloth, and the big sign has been dragged to the little girl's instep.I think that big sign may be a product advertisement for calico.The department store has a new stock, and I have to tell him that I found that calico before I died. We were pushed into a low-lying place.The sun is already westward.From the shadows on the ground, I could see that a human wall had been built on the surrounding high ground.I looked left and right looking for him and staring at the little girl.I thought I should show him the calico that the little girl was wearing before I died.The little girl is very good, hanging her head down in the product advertisement of the printed cloth, as if she is not used to being seen like this.At this time, the valiant warrior was very tolerant to me, allowing me to twist and turn without giving me another slap.For this reason, I gave the soldier on the left a flattering look.I saw one of his front teeth sticking out of his lower lip.There was a bang.I only heard the loud sound but I didn't know where it sounded.It sounds like the crust is cracking but at this point I don't want the crust cracking all I care about is where it sounds.is left?right?front or back? The loud noise made a long circle in the lowlands before rising slowly. I saw that the sound was like a mushroom cloud.But the mushroom cloud disappeared in the blink of an eye, and I realized that the gunshots exploded from my heart.Then there was another sound as well.Later, the gunfire became more and more intense and louder, like a series of firecrackers gradually igniting in front of me.Finally I finally saw the effect of the gunfire.