Chapter 14 Chapter Fourteen

The black sea, the bright lights, the man like a woman and the woman like a man cast their figures outside the New World.Last night, you stood at Fisherman's Wharf looking west.There is your homeland, but you can see nothing but the white foam of the waves.Giggles and disco footsteps resounded on the concrete embankment.Without tambourines, there is also the warm rhythm of the African jungle here.The feasting of the restaurant spills out into the street with its ever-changing neon lights, while you gaze at the sleeping ships.That piece of towering masts is like a forest in late autumn. Looking at a mast individually, you taste a majestic loneliness.

A mast with lowered sails can tell you more sinister than a sail that has eaten the wind.You can't bear to think about every mast; a ship sleeping is more thrilling to you than a ship sailing. You didn't go for the oysters.Rather than saying that she didn't come to pick you up at the airport, it's better to say that the young man at the consulate broke your dream by "doing work".As long as you go abroad, you often feel the embarrassment of being a Chinese: the rich are dreams, and the poor are money bags.You look at the restaurants near the sea, where the lights are so bright that they set the black sea on fire.Every restaurant there can accommodate your dreams.It doesn't need to be too big, a small double seat is enough for you to love each other.Chewing any food there is effortless, and everything is designed for human sensory enjoyment. Even the most difficult classical music has been interpreted by modern light music performers, and even the deaf will dance when they hear it.It suddenly occurred to you that the differences between Eastern and Western cultures that have been analyzed by many scholars cannot actually be derived from rational activities, and you must use your senses to understand the subtleties.And fleeting feelings are meaningless once they are frozen on paper, so there is no learning in the world.At this time, the wet night wind on the west coast of the New World is wrapped in the sparks from electronic instruments, and your cheeks are hot. From this electronic rhythm, you can hear the golden autumn crops. You think the land is calling you to harvest again, like this How can you express it in words?

Suddenly you think you are but a mast with its sails undone. Let time go back to when to start again?1956?Or...Although you are just a wandering soul from the sky and only accidentally landed on a land called China, but after this strange country has stamped its yellow mark on your body, you can't get rid of it no matter what. not drop.The strange experience in this kingdom not only scarred you all over your body, but also made cracks in your soul itself. After the body was burned to ashes, the soul would even be blown to pieces by the breeze. So you must find comfort in this world to heal the wounds in your soul.

Lake Baikal, our mother, For liberty and equality, we come to you... In the past you turned your eyes to the present and now you turn your eyes to the past.You fear it is a sign of old age.But you still have fantasies after all, and you have fantasized more than once when this strange country should go back in time and start again so that it can keep pace with other countries now. You can't wait, you can't keep hopeful eyes on the future like in the past.Only when you go back in time to a certain point in the past and started from that point until today, you have lived a complete life, and your soul will find peace, and the wind cannot blow it away.If you go back a few years, the Chinese will become prophets, and of course prophets will not make mistakes.Because you have personally experienced a period of history in this country, you often sigh that the people of this country shrink back at the best historical time, and are keen to destroy themselves.The sky was as clear as day.You can see dense clusters of stars twinkling in the west.The closer to the end of the sky the brighter the stars.You stand here tonight and look far away, no matter how vast the universe is, wherever you stand is the center of the universe.If you ignore your surroundings and look up to the sky, then there is no place on this earth that is different.But at this moment, a flower girl tentatively walks towards you holding a bouquet of red flowers.You see she is clearly an oriental face.Who is she like, like her or like her? . . . Any yellow woman among white and black people will fool you.But you're happy to be wrong.You don't know what kind of flower is in her bosom, but when you see her pale cheeks, you think for a moment that the girl is holding her blood.

You secretly resolved to take care of the flower girl once.Invite her to oysters and whiskey, even if you are shy.You continue your fantasy and she gives birth to a new dream.You pull out a cigarette towards her and light it.Your expectation of her coming to you is probably stronger than her expectation of selling all the flowers in her hand. You remember that two masts with their sails down are close together and talk to each other. But she comes up to you, glances at you, then turns away.You saw your loneliness and your loneliness in her eyes.Even if you go to the end of the world, there will be no one who can understand you.You regret turning your eyes from heaven to earth.

But after all, there is something that touches you: that is the back view of the girl after turning around, the long black skirt swinging with the rotation of her hips.The fleeting curves on the pleats of the skirt are extremely beautiful, and the brilliant black suppresses the girl's paleness.The red flower in her arms stretches out of her arms, and she nods to you nostalgicly frequently. In this noisy world, no one pays attention to you, only silent and understanding flowers.You also turn uninterestedly towards the ocean.At this time you want to say "I love you" but you don't know who to say it to.The wind is calm and the waves are calm, and the melancholy melody is echoing in your heart.You inexplicably want to cry, for you and for people who are not understood like you.

You can only keep one back in this life, you think so. However, everything in the world can only be seen from its back. The moon has warned people of this truth since ancient times and will continue to warn.Disillusionment is not that the world has deceived you, but something you have desperately pursued. You stretched your hands out of the fence, and immediately embraced a cloud of salty tears like a woman's.You leave the merry-goers behind and the merry-goers go on; you go on worrying about the country you stumble into and the country goes on worrying about you.Tonight, Hexi, at this very moment, with the sea breeze blowing from a foreign country, you suddenly realize that you are completely unnecessary in this world.

You reach into your pocket for your wallet, and you know how many cash are there without counting.This is the same scene as you were in the railway station of city B many years ago.But what you're thinking is that you might as well grab a cab and go to "Chinatown," where there are enough bars to get you drunk.At that time, you would be satisfied as long as you got a piece of steamed bun, but now you want the world to accommodate your entire country.Such is the greed of man! That's when you just want to see her eyes, and now you've realized that all women's eyes and yours will eventually close tightly, so you just want to have sex with women.Only making love is real.Maturity is actually the most terrifying state in life.Then you want to choose a massage parlor after you come out of the bar and choose a mountain girl from Thailand or Taiwan.Either have sex with a woman you know well, or have sex with a complete stranger.You are no longer interested in going through the whole process from strange to familiar with women.Who ever said that you are a tragic character who never refuses the pleasures of the world?Your heart tightened, and you thought that your whole life was ruined by your personality. At this moment, you immediately felt the physical elasticity of the girl from the southern country.That feeling made you lick your lips.Yes, she's making love there and you're making love here and the heavens are looking down on you with no more than a sneer.

Drunk and dying on the streets of a foreign country can also be said to be a chic destination, not to mention that land is only the size of a palm, but it is also called "China". There are Chinese land gods worshiped at the door of every house.Thinking of death puts your cheek on the wet earth again.Only half of the face stuck to the ground remained in the whole body.That kind of cool comfort once made you want to fall asleep and never wake up. where?at what time?You have died like this. "It's over!" The heartfelt words make you tremble. You turn around and go back but don't know where to go.You follow your feet through the mottled streets.On the right, there is a string of bright headlights staring at you like a fool.When you crossed the zebra crossing, you heard the commotion behind you, and you knew that your hesitation delayed other people's trips.

On the corner of the street stood a homeless man playing a guitar.You take out the coin the taxi driver gave you and drop it into the hat in front of him.You hear the "jingle" and suddenly feel the same relief as the bum.You like to give a little money, from the city where you live to Beijing to New York, Chicago, Copenhagen, Paris and today in San Francisco.You like to give alms not out of your kindness, but because you want to prove that your destiny has changed time and time again. "For art, sir..." the tramp murmurs to you as he relates his fate. Yes.For art!I have been reduced to your level in the past for the sake of art. The yellow light shines on the bearded half of the bum's face.The strings of the guitar plucked a melodious desolation, and the droplets from the sea played on the glass of night.But you didn't even have a guitar in the past.Therefore, when you listen to the sound of the piano, you feel that everything in the past is not credible.No!You have never experienced such a fate.

When you walk to the hillside and look back, you realize that Fisherman's Wharf is at its busiest time.You want to go live again but remember that your suitcase and passport are still in the consulate.You smiled wryly because you discovered that now it is not luggage and passports that follow people, but people must follow luggage and passports. Proof of identity is more important than the person being certified.