Chapter 8 chapter eight

He came out of the bathroom, lit a cigarette and walked to the window. Joe's house is built on the hillside, from here you can see half of San Francisco. The night in San Francisco is so bright that it is a lie out of reality, and even the moon is painted with unnatural colors.But he had already forgotten the full moon above the grove, his eyes wandered over half of San Francisco, only seeing countless headlights flying around like fireflies.The lights outside the window were all accompanied by music, and he could imagine it even if he couldn't hear it.The flashing rush of the drums made his heart tremble.With the panic that Chinese people often have, he couldn't help thinking about what the Western world would look like if there was a revolution, an earthquake, and war.

He saw his face on the glass window.There are dozens of brightly lit buildings on his face.Tens of thousands of people are crazy in his face: dancing, drinking and having sex.If he moved his face away, all buildings and crazy people would collapse in an instant.He knows that autumn is coming.But the elm leaves are not yet yellow this side of the ocean.Nearby, bright street lamps illuminate a clump of green trees downhill like a stage set.The branches and leaves are still, and the emerald green life is silently dissolving in the light. An old man in a plaid shirt was walking towards this side leading a huge dog.He saw the silvery hair like a little white flower among the green bushes.The big dog opened its mouth and squatted down on its hind legs, then smacked its big mouth to enjoy the comfort of defecating.The old man waited motionless for his dog, and the dog and the old man exchanged affectionate glances in peace.There is such a quiet corner in the hustle and bustle of the city.The bleak happiness emanating from this small stage scene smoothed his inexplicable troubles like a downy hair.He suddenly realized that the world was supposed to be like this, and it couldn't be any other way.You can't underestimate the world, and you can't expect a lot from it.

But you are still not reconciled.You find yourself listening to her silence all the time, whether you are at home, on your desk, on the road or in the sky.You often look for her mysterious feedback of missing you in your eyelids, in your sneezing, in the beating of any muscle.Her sometimes cold and sometimes warm skin sticks to your fingertips no matter what you're touching. Once in a dream you saw her standing in front of you bloodied, against the background of darkness in a deep well, so that you doubted the peace that you received from her letter a few days later.Years later, though you were worried about another her, and then about Natalie, and this time your worry about her was genuine.You put your heart and soul into every relationship, which is why you keep rebelling.

You remember her saying that you need to learn to drive and adapt to the American way of life.You once laughed at her for thinking too brightly about the future, and told her not to forget that the United States is the country with the most car accidents in the world, and the number of people who died in car accidents in ten years was no less than the victims of the "Cultural Revolution" in ten years.You stare at the ivory telephone on the nightstand.You recall the time when she said that a woman's prettiest complexion was so-called ivory.At that time you smiled: she is indeed very good at showing off herself.You put away your smile and kissed her ivory neck.

And then you feel the allure of ivory.That plastic microphone is her ivory wrist, and you can speak in detail by grabbing it.Her voice, the silent voice that has been hovering around you for a long time, will be caught by you at once and tremble in the palm of your hand.An early autumn bug crashed against the glass window.You can't bear the loneliness when you hear the autumn insects crackling on the ground.In fact, you can't bear to let yourself down completely.After a few deaths you become more and more tolerant of yourself.You think that no matter how normal the world is, you shouldn’t spend the night like this. Freedom in this country means more freedom to you.That you sat on the edge of the bed doing nothing on your first night in this country is not only a mockery of you, but also a mockery of the country.

You pick up the phone decisively.You are fully aware that you are free. The microphone is as smooth and delicate as she is.During the dialing, your mind was blank, and you stood outside the door anxiously after knocking on the door. Then you just listen to the current humming and fighting.Pacific winds got into the wires.You hope that someone will answer the phone and hope that no one will answer the phone.Maybe she's on her way to San Francisco, an old Buick racing down the night roads of Southern California.But when you are hesitating about what kind of result you want, you hear a strange man's voice from the microphone.

"Hello." Somehow you have enough composure to tell that this is not a Chinese man.You say her name in English more calmly.Ask to speak to her.No need to hide it's a ready-made hide and seek.The other party immediately said "OK" in surprise and fear.But you immediately heard her voice, which means that she was with this man in the first place.Her voice is as clear as in your palm. "I saw the news that you are coming from the Chinese newspaper." Why from the newspaper?This kind of lie is like the night scene of San Francisco.Does the foreign man next to her know Chinese?You felt a rise in anger at the time.But a few years later, when you and Natalie, who understands Chinese, encountered the same scene while walking on the streets of Paris, you finally felt relieved that the world was becoming more and more integrated and increasingly chaotic.But you get what she means right away anyway.Although it was just an ordinary phone, you saw her situation as if you were in front of a fax machine.You also heard an instruction, a pleading in her voice, which forced you to obey her politely and politely say hello.Her tone drew that man in, even though there were hundreds of miles away, it was as if the three of you were sitting face to face in a room.You catch the man's gaze and realize your embarrassment.You glance at your watch awkwardly.A time-corrected watch tells you it's past midnight.And then you realize that what's even more embarrassing is that the two of them are lying in bed and you're literally the intruder.You hang up hastily like you stumbled through the doorway.The difference is that you are not hurting your ankle and you are still sitting safely on the bed.