Chapter 28 Twenty-eight
After the intense excitement I slept soundly.When I woke up the next morning, I felt refreshed, as if I had taken some kind of stimulant.And, among such a group of people, I suddenly had a kind of tolerance with a sense of superiority.
When everyone came back from lunch, the "Director of the Sales Department" was in a bad mood because a corner of the barnyard noodle buns given to him by the cook was missing. Next to him, while observing his buns over and over again, he scolded the cook.He also said that in the future, he should turn off the lights and go to bed early, otherwise it will affect other people's rest.He muttered: "I can't make up for the lost spirit..." People looked up at me, and I knew that this was criticizing me without naming names.People here are like this, even if you run out and set fire in the middle of the night, he doesn't care, but don't hinder his interests.
His criticism didn't bother me.Although I am also in this earthen house today, sitting on a pile of hay, and eating khaki-colored barnyard buns like everyone else, I seem to feel that there is a kind of profound and detached thought that makes me My heart drifted away from the body in which I depended.It seems that the insults, ridicule, and contempt imposed on me by the outside world are only aimed at my body and have nothing to do with "me".When I was waiting for the handlebar-mounted car at Mahao, I heard the team leader of the cart report to Captain Xie that Hai Xixi took a few days off and "went to visit the city".Captain Xie had a sullen face, his thin lips curled in the thick stubble, and he was noncommittal to the report of the team leader of the cart.Hai Xixi's cart was parked there, and several of his animals were happily chewing hay on the trough.There is a handlebar type who wants to let his livestock rest, so he goes to lead Haixixi's livestock to harness the car.Captain Xie stared and shouted: "What are you doing? What are you doing? Keep it on! It's time to let it go slowly." In Chinese, there is no distinction between "he" and "it". Captain Xie also thought that Hai Xixi should "slow down".Hai Xixi left, "went to the city", why did he suddenly want to "go shopping"?It turns out, didn't he "go shopping" at Lana's house every night?I suddenly felt a little lost.No matter what kind of love it is, or what kind of person it is, getting it or losing it is the fate of a person and cannot be ignored.Hai Xixi, a person with a unique personality, can't help arousing my concern and sympathy in the final analysis.I faintly feel that even though he and I are in such a state of opposition now, I still can't get rid of his attraction to me.
However, in Lana's view, things in the world are much simpler.
In the afternoon, when our cart came back, she was still waiting in front of the horse's manure pile, gesturing for me to go.My short-sighted eyes only saw her smiling face, but I couldn't tell whether it was a mocking, a mocking, a mischievous smile or a kind smile.
I don't know much about the world and I am young, so I always speculate about others and imagine love based on the books I read.I thought it would be embarrassing for us to be together again after my faux pas that day.After dinner, I read the book for a while, but my mind was already absent-minded: to go, or not to go?I hesitated until it was dark before going to her house.
There is no moon tonight, and when you step out of the room, you will plunge into the bottomless darkness, and the cold air is hidden in the dark night, piercing your bones.But the sky is full of stars.This is the characteristic of winter nights: the sky is bright, and the ground is dark, as if the cold has blocked the light.
I shrank my neck, feeling a little unhappy in my heart, as if I was going to be beaten.
As usual, she sat on the kang and mended clothes-she had endless clothes.I found out later that she was helping women with many babies to mend their men’s clothes—seeing me coming in, she jumped off the kang lightly, brushed off my clothes, and asked with a smile, “You’re—why—didn’t it get dark last night?” ?”
strangeness!Her joking words blew away all the contradictions, hesitation, and apprehension in my heart.Looking at her relaxed, ruffled lips, especially when imitating me to say "Me", I couldn't help but laugh.I can apologize to her, I can confess to her, I can reveal my heart to her, but when I see her indifferent appearance, I feel that everything is unnecessary.I started to relax.
"Don't you want me to study hard?" I said, "I'll just study in the room!"
"Stupid melon melon! You want to study, don't you want to study here?" She twisted my face affectionately, "I was lying in the crack of your door last night watching you." She I giggled, put my hands together, and squatted down, "Just like a Bodhisattva!" I blushed.Her intimate actions and enthusiastic tone seemed to cause a turbulent wave in my heart again.But her whole demeanor was not provocative, but childlike and innocent.So on second thought, I blushed even more ashamed of my thoughts.The education I received and the books I read in the past always guided me to divide people into various types. Even purely objective psychology can divide people into so-called phlegmatic, choleric, sanguine, etc.; , let alone, there are all kinds of people there: steady, frivolous, dissolute, and serious... Now I understand that people, except for those who are divided into classes according to economic status pointed out by Marx, There is no absolute concept of human type in the world.For example, she, she is her, a real person!A moment of stability, a moment of frivolity, a moment of laughter, and a moment of seriousness-and the seriousness of the last time almost made me commit suicide in shame.Understanding people seems to be different from understanding things. They cannot be analyzed with reason, but can only be felt with emotion.From here, I began to understand what Marx said in the "Preface to the First Edition": "I definitely do not want to use the color of roses to describe the posture of capitalists and landlords. All the people under investigation here are just the personification of the economic category. The bearer of class relations and interests.” In the same economic category, every specific person in the same class is a living person, which can be described by “the color of a rose”; and as an economic category , as a "bearer of certain class relations and interests", it is a thing, and it needs to be analyzed rationally.Here lies the difference between literature and economics.
This idea just came up in a flash.This association seems ridiculous, but I myself think that I seem to get some kind of "notification" from life.So, I was not only relaxed, but also a little excited.
I eat mixed rice.She pulled out a brand new cotton wool blanket from the Kang, and told me that today, she entrusted someone from Zhennanpu to buy this blanket, which cost more than seven yuan, and was going to make me pair of fleece pants. You can make a set of fleece trousers and jacket for Ershe.She patted the blanket and said triumphantly, "We are the same as the people in the city, and we have to wear woolen clothes!" She told me that people in their place only wore brown woolen clothes.This is a sweater made by twisting raw wool little by little on a bone twist hammer in a very primitive way, and then knitting it into wool.She showed me one of her brown fur coats, off-white, without lines, like a fur pocket.Raw wool that has not been cooked will penetrate the shirt and stick to the skin.I imagined the rough raw wool pricking her delicate skin, and I couldn't help but blush again.At the same time, there is also a kind of sad sympathy welling up from the bottom of her heart: she regards woolen coats as luxury items worn by people in the city, let alone sweaters.I'm afraid she hasn't seen a real sweater in her twenty years of life, and she is such a beautiful and kind woman!She couldn't have imagined my childhood life.Perhaps it was because of this that she had sympathy and pity for me at the beginning; she could not see a historical causal relationship like I did.
She shakes off the velvet blanket.I saw that this was the kind of gray carpet with red stripes that was stacked on the shelves of the small shop in Zhennanbao.She measured with her thumb and middle finger, and her lips moved, counting silently.The light illuminated her eyelashes, which fluttered like bird wings, and her bright, calculating eyes.Because of those eyes, her whole face was radiated with a charming and pleasing radiance.And she is a woman who has never even worn a sweater and regards a fleece as a luxury!In my narrow mind, which is limited by the habits and knowledge of the past, I can't reconcile the beauty in my concept with the beauty in her reality, just like I can't transplant a myrtle plant to the edge of this arid and cold desert Same.
After dinner, I thought of Hai Xixi, and I said, "I heard that Hai Xixi has asked for leave and went shopping in the city." "Who wants to treat him!" She was still calculating without raising her head. , "If he falls in love with him, he can go there!" Everything is so simple!I secretly thought, my self-torture these two days seems to be superfluous.She obviously has another rough but very realistic attitude towards people and life.The wilderness wind blows here and there, can you command the wind to blow a little in every direction?
The delicate but weak and unrealistic attitude of intellectuals towards people and life cannot adapt to the hurricane-like historical process.For the rest of my life, I often recall with gratitude the temperament like the wind in the wilderness that she subtly instilled in me.