Chapter 13 Chapter VII

full of nonsense ——Excerpt from In recent years, my life can be summed up in four words: things backfired.This time again.Originally, I wanted to refuse to have any contact with her outside of management and control, but now I have to try to establish some kind of ambiguous relationship with her; I have already put life and death aside and resigned to fate, but when the crisis really came I have nostalgia for life, so I have to actively seek relief... Although Lao Qin's mobilization of me is a bit specious, I can't refute him.That is indeed the experience gained from life. Sometimes, I feel that he is really a Mephistopheles. Although he will tempt me to commit crimes, he has opened up new ideas for me.He is good at applying abstract political concepts to real life and defending his actions and interests.I have no such ability.

The strange thing is: Ever since I promised Lao Qin to give it a try that day, I have been gripped by a very complicated emotion.Basically, I still think that when I am reforming under the dictatorship of the proletariat, it is a crime to do things that are not allowed, and it is even more improper for her. Liu Jun and his subordinates were both fearful and unwilling to bow down to their resistance and desire for revenge.The emotion thrilled me and even cushioned my grief in mourning my mother. However, I couldn't find a chance to talk to her these days.Such words.It’s not something that can be explained clearly in a few words when work starts and ends. Although I bent over to weed weeds in the paddy field, she sat on the canal embankment to enjoy the shade, and the world is so close, I can only accept her affectionate words from occasional glances. look.

One day when he came back from work at noon, Xiao Shunzi announced another gossip to everyone: Because the "prisoners" are now working with the brigade, there are not so many guards, and the task of weeding the rice fields is very tight, and the company is going to withdraw all the prisoners. Female warrior, send Wang Fuhai to guard us again. "...My buddies also told me," Xiao Shunzi said again, "the company has suffered a disaster these days, and they are scrambling to gather weeds, so there is no time to punish us. When the autumn harvest is over, mother! The company will start a Get rid of us now. Let's all be careful, mother! If you have to write a will, write a will..." Although Xiao Shunzi didn't work, and he had never been beaten, he always consciously put him together with us .

After work in the afternoon and walking on the road, Lao Qin said to me: "This matter can no longer be delayed. Now, the first step, you must drag her and ask her to try to stay in the 'study class' to watch us. Let’s go, this can’t be done.” I thought about it for a while, then put on my sandal loops and squatted outside the queue, waiting for her and Mr. Messy. "How? I heard that all of you female soldiers are going to be replaced." The two of them walked up, and I was inserted between "Mr. Troublemaker" and her. "That's right." She smiled at me, "What are you in a hurry for?"

"Can you try to stay here and see us?" "Don't worry." She said behind me, "I've made an agreement, I won't be taken down. I'll fill the cornfield with water tomorrow, and I'll ask the company to send me to take you and this lunatic. Tomorrow, I'll send you Let me show you that book." The next morning went to work, and sure enough, except for her, the other female soldiers were withdrawn; Wang Fuhai took up his post again.After we finished shouting slogans, she called me and "Mr. Troublesome" out of the queue, and escorted us to the corn field, while Wang Fuhai escorted the others to the rice field.

The minerals and sheep dung washed down from the mountains by the floods fertilized the fields once. The corn grew dark and strong, with pink flower spikes sprouting from the top.The broad leaves shake off the crystal dew in the morning wind, making a soft and cheerful rustle.On the canal embankment and the edge of the ditch, there are plump pig's ear vegetables, green wild mint and tall and dense mugwort. The morning air is filled with a refreshing fragrance and a nice bitter smell. "Quick! Here you are. You go into the cornfield and read it." Before she started working, she took out a small notebook from her bosom, put it in "Quotations from Chairman Mao" and stuffed it to me, and then pressed "How much?" Mr. Shi" went to the drain to turn on the water pipe.

I hurried into the green gauze tent.At first glance, this is not a central document, but a mimeographed pamphlet with "What to do with a hundred" on the cover. When it is opened, it says "What to do when criticized?" "What to do when you see comrades have shortcomings." "What should I do in the face of honor?" "What should I do if the work is not easy to carry out?" "What should I do if my personal interests conflict with the interests of the collective?" And so on, a total of 100 questions, and each question is marked with "Quotations from Chairman Mao." " page number.It turns out that this is a kind of tutoring material for "Chairman Mao's Quotations" by taking a seat and "learning with problems".

I closed the little book in disappointment, and suspected that she was teasing me, but then I thought about it, she had little knowledge, and probably really thought this learning method was very wonderful, thinking that I would find the way to save myself in it. method.She should always be grateful for her kindness. Brushing, brushing, brushing, she also got into the cornfield, with little pink ears of corn on her head. "The lunatic let go of the water pipe, and the water will be here for a while." She blushed with excitement, "Did you read it? Does it help you solve the problem?"

"Thank you." I stood up and returned the booklet and "Quotations from Chairman Mao." "It's helpful, of course." "People from above said that any problem can be solved here: China's, the world's, and personal's, it's all written here!" She wrapped the booklet carefully, put it in her arms, and looked up. He looked at me, "But I'm not educated, so I couldn't find it after searching for a long time: Why do you make a good person like you suffer, and make those people proud of being neither human nor ghost; why our life is better for a while, and after another nineteen years Sixty years..."

"Don't...don't talk about this." I looked anxiously at the deserted cornfield. "Okay, look at you..." She glanced at me coquettishly, and changed the subject, "Hey! They said you used to be a poet, what is a poet?" "A poet?" I sneered, "huh", and complained when I touched on personal problems, "A poet is a person who specializes in talking nonsense!" "Look at you! Don't tell me the truth!" She pouted her pretty lips, pretending to be annoyed, "You think I don't understand, and look down on me. I won't be with you in the future!"

what!I wish that time could go back to twelve years ago in an instant, and let me start again under that charming clear blue sky, in that charming green gauze tent... "Alas—" At that time, I could only sigh, and said in a helpless tone, "It's not that I won't tell you, it's useless to say anything now, it's not that you don't know my identity and situation..." "I don't care! What's the matter? Aren't you a human too?" She turned her anger into a smile and comforted me, "Don't worry, even if you are in a labor camp, I will watch you go. But..." She stopped talking and pondered , looking down at the folded hands. I didn't dare to answer her questions.When I was alone with her, I felt both a subtle excitement that I had never experienced before, and a fear that seemed to be on the verge of an abyss. What Qin said is right, it is impossible to fall in love here as seriously as in the novel, not to mention that the love partner is a soldier who directly guards me. Now, the gun is shining on her back, and she has to go to the hospital every day. The "company chief" went to report the conversations and movements of our "prisoners" for a day. I just felt that the surroundings were full of conspiracies and traps everywhere; one conspiracy within another, one trap after another; they spread their nets to ensnare us, We took up our shields against them again.So, I tried my best to see any shadows on her pure and bright face, to find anything suspicious, even an unnatural smile. "Then, I would like to ask you, how did you get Company Commander Liu to listen to you: You won't withdraw if you say you won't withdraw, and you will release water if you want to bring us water for the cornfield. What is the relationship between you two? ?” "No...no..." She immediately panicked, her big watery eyes avoided my sight, "No...it doesn't matter at all." "I don't believe it!" I became even more skeptical, "Well, since you refuse to tell the truth, we have nothing to say." I picked up the shovel and prepared to drill out of the corn field. "Don't...don't...you come back." She grabbed my arm nervously, "Let me tell you the truth, I...I...I just told him that I can't bear Daejeon's suffering." "Then he won't tell you to go to Daejeon to suffer?" "I... I just let him... let him twist my face, and I ran out." "That's all?" "That's all. I know he has evil intentions, so I'm on guard!" She looked at me beggingly with teary eyes, "Don't worry, don't worry. I won't let him take advantage of it." Then, she sighed, and said a little dejectedly, "I didn't want to hang out with them, but now... now... forget it! I won't tell you this now, and I will tell you slowly later." Outside, since the Cultural Revolution, I have also heard many things about using a little power in my hands to do things wrong, not to mention such a remote company.It seems that what she said is believable. "Okay," I said boldly, blushing, "then...then you can do something for me, okay?" "Tell me, I can do anything for you." Excited, she raised her innocent face like a child. "You send a letter for me. Don't send it in the regiment, but get it from the post office of the other unit, okay?" "What's the matter! Bring it!" She straightened her clothes, brushed her hair, as if she was about to leave now, "I'll go to the commune's postal agency, it's only about ten miles away, very close...don't worry Well, ah, I won't do anything to be sorry for you."... She showed a very contented and doting expression, and I found that she took my doubts as jealousy, as a sign of love. In the evening, after dinner, I reported today's results to Lao Qin, omitting all the details of course. "Okay! That's good!" Lao Qin was pacing excitedly in the cell like a general planning a strategy in a movie, "The problem now is how to write this letter." We further discussed, rather than keeping this matter from everyone (in this small dead house, it is almost impossible), it is better to mobilize people's "enthusiasm" and work together. Therefore, Lao Qin stated his interests to everyone, You can't sit still, making everyone except "Mr. Troublesome" use their brains.And Lao Qin did have the style of a general, able to accept various opinions and finally formulate a good plan. "First, we still can't fully trust Squad Leader Qiao." Lao Qin said, "If she handed this letter to Liu Jun, it would make sense for us to kill us. Therefore, there are two steps to this matter: the first The first step is to get in touch with Wang Yufang first. Of course, this has to be forwarded by the class leader Qiao. She is really willing to send the letter, and there will be no problem in forwarding the letter. We will write the details before Wang Yufang replies. Second Well, even this first letter cannot be seen to be written by us. We write with our left hand, and even if it fell into their hands, it would be impossible to detect the handwriting." "No. You can tell the words written by the left hand at a glance." Ma Li said, "If they also ask each of us to write a few words with the left hand when they check, will it be obvious?" "Yes! Technician Qin," Xiao Chen, who has always been taciturn, suddenly pointed at the newspaper pasted on the wall with his trembling fingers, "We will learn from that... written in anti-feature novels... using the words on the newspaper..." "Mom! Your trick is amazing!" Xiao Shunzi slapped his thigh. "'Master, if you don't say anything, you must hit the mark'!" Dr. Li smiled while wiping his beard. "Okay!" Lao Qin also praised Xiao Chen, "I really have you!" Afterwards, I drafted the draft, which was approved by Lao Qin, and everyone looked for the typeface they needed on the wall under the dim light (fortunately, the light in our cell was on all night).When I found it, I cut it out with my fingernails, stained it with Dr. Li's leftover corn paste and pasted it on the white paper.It took a lot of work, and we used different type of type to spell out this letter: Comrade Wang Yufang: We urgently need to get in touch with you. If you want to know the cause of your lover's death, please write with the address and name on the envelope. The letter is spelled, but the envelope cannot be spelled with type.Lao Qin asked me: "Can this squad leader Qiao know how to write?" "I suppose so. I think she said she had two years of elementary school." "Okay, I'll ask her to write the envelope. Xiaoshi just wrote a note with Wang Yufang's name and address and handed it to her. In this way, I found that there was no handwriting in the letter, and the handwriting on the envelope was that of Qiao. How about that? It's absolutely safe!" Old Qin said triumphantly. The next day, in the cornfield, I handed her the sealed letter and Wang Yufang's name and address. "Wang Yufang?" She frowned, "It's a woman's name." "Of course, of course it's a woman..." "What? Didn't you say that there is no one in your family? Why is there another woman?" "That... that's my aunt, of course she's a woman." "Oh—" She stretched her brows and smiled at me, but immediately tilted her head in doubt, "Does your aunt have a daughter?" "No...only two cousins." I said these words casually, even when I heard them, I resented my ability to lie.But, after a series of horrors and pains have destroyed the hope of the future, people will slide down a slope involuntarily.At the time, I was both resentful that I could tell a lie and resentful that I should be resentful for lying. "Okay!" She picked up the letter and pressed on her chest again, "I'll take a leave of absence in the afternoon and go to the commune to distribute it. As soon as your aunt has a reply, I'll give it to you." "Send registered mail, will you send registered mail?" "You know it, I don't know anything!" She said coquettishly, "Send it by registered mail, put on two stamps, and ask the post office for a note, right?" She looked at me proudly. "Yes. But it's from this city. You just need to put a dime stamp on it. You don't need to spend extra money. Just take the note back and give it to me. You can put the money first, okay?" "Look at what you said!" She lowered her voice, "Let me tell you: I have money, and I have saved some money over the years, so you can spend it when you come out..." The hot and dry wind blows from the sandy date forest in the south, bringing a hot and spicy fragrance.In the distance, the continuous mountains lose their three-dimensionality under the dazzling sunlight, and they are stuck in the thin milky white mist like a picture; nearby, the yellow canal water is flowing happily, gurgling over the grass-built The small dam in the middle of the river creates lively ripples. "Mr. Troubled" sat next to Taguchi, with her back to us, motionless, she seemed to expect me to say something, she switched the gun to the other hand, and leaned against me.I smelled the girlish warmth emanating from her, from her hair, and I felt the repressed desire to love awaken.However, that will instead arouse my shame, cause my guilt, and make me more painful.I stubbornly resisted the gravitational waves coming towards me from her body, and bit my lower lip tightly. "What are you doing? You seem unhappy." She began to notice my expression. "I'm not unhappy, I'm always like this." I smiled at her painfully, "I think... I think I should thank you." She burst out laughing. "You intellectuals, you have a lot of tricks, no wonder people say that intellectuals are hard to fight. What's 'thank you', 'don't send', 'money' and so on! I think you just look down on us poor and lower-middle peasants!" "No... no! I'm afraid you will be in danger too." "Dangerous is dangerous, and it's not safe outside! I saw a lot of people locked up for some reason. They were fine in the morning, but they wore high hats and paraded through the streets in the afternoon, or they were kicked out. Lock me up too. Aren't we the same?" She smiled innocently, "In the future, can you teach me culture?" I'm glad she changed the subject, as she often does: from one thing to another very quickly.I feel that there are many unrealistic dreams in her head urging her, which often make her breathless with excitement. "Okay. It's not difficult." "Of course it's not difficult, with a good gentleman like you. I can learn so fast! Now I can recite more than two hundred quotations, and there are three old ones, but I can't write them." A field was filled with water, but "Mr. Messy" still sat beside Taguchi.I picked up the shovel. "What else is there?" she asked me. I thought about it. "Can you tell the company commander to let us rest for a day, even half a day, so that we can wash our clothes and get a haircut. You can say that I said it. There is such a saying in the quotation: people should combine work and rest well." It’s gone.” For some reason, I emphasized the last sentence.