Chapter 11 chapter Five

Pure humanity redeems all human flaws. ——Goethe, "To Kruger" These days, she ignored me.From time to time, she glared at me with childlike angry eyes.Sometimes, they yelled at me unnecessarily: "Hurry up, hurry up! You're always slow at work..." This made the other female soldiers a little puzzled, because among the nine "prisoners" ( Xiao Shunzi just lay down and quit now), I work the most steadfastly and hardest.But perhaps I was the only one who could hear a not-unfriendly naughty tease in her yelling.Every time at this time, I pretend not to understand, and stare back at her with fierce eyes. It's not that I don't want to accept this kind of friendship, it's not that I dislike her, but now I have a feeling that I want emotionally, but I know intellectually that it is impossible to get it, so I want to simply destroy what I want.

A week after the flood, the land returned to life.She is even more beautiful than ever.Dense, verdant green leaves, juicy, tough fibers cover the traces of flood damage on the land.The spring wheat, which was already yellow and ripe, was finished, but the rice stubbornly stood up from the water.Corn and sorghum, in part, can still be counted on.The broad and slender leaves, the slightly transparent branches like jasper, are swaying against the hot summer wind under the support of the fibrous roots with red spots like fish whiskers.Nature has healed her own wounds.Don't people also have this ability?

The sun was scorching and the heat was steaming. When we "prisoners" were working, we all took off our shirts except Dr. Li and "Mr. Messy".I looked at my bulging pectoral muscles, protruding biceps, fan-like latissimus dorsi and symmetrical abdominal muscles under the pectoral muscles, all of which were tanned and shiny by the scorching sun, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of masculine pride , I think, in the future, I can avoid this turbulent world and go to work in agriculture. With the strong body I have cultivated through years of insisting on sports, it is enough to support my mother until the end of her life.Therefore, I worked very seriously. I kept asking the "criminal" and Xiao Chen, who were born in the local area, about agricultural production knowledge during digging, picking ditches, repairing ridges, and leveling fields.In a few days, my farm work was very good.

When we were working, the female soldiers held their guns and enjoyed the shade under the trees.That's the privilege they earn, which sets them apart from the other warrior men and women who toil in the fields like us.These female peasant workers in military uniforms did not change the habits they had developed in the countryside since they were young. Most of them gathered around with needles, thread and shoe soles, chatting non-stop.When they were packing shoe soles and twisting hemp rope, the seven-nine rifles also became their weaving tools.This scene, if discovered by a leisurely tourist, would surely be reported as a world anecdote.Of course, we will not get pleasure from such absurd pictures, we understand: behind their loose group, there is the powerful iron fist of the dictatorship of the proletariat that Company Commander Liu said.After Song Zheng took the teaching, he died unexpectedly, which is no joke.

Then, how can people like the "company chief" rest assured that our "prisoner" is close to her and these family members (the female soldiers sent to guard us, except her, are all family members of the company's leading figures, all of which are of a caring nature)?It was only later that I understood the psychology of these people: In fact, they did not regard us as human beings at all, just like the ancient Roman ladies did not avoid their male slaves when they took a bath.It didn't even occur to them what these women thought of us, or what we dared to think of them.They really thought they had knocked us to the ground, and we would never stand up again.

When leveling the land, occasionally, I would stand a little closer to them because of the need to fetch soil.I heard that I was often the topic of their twittering.They are also human beings, and they are women, of course they look at men from a woman's perspective.They admired my strong and well-proportioned body and down-to-earth working attitude, passed on my problems, guessed who else was in my family, whether I was married, how much I made a month, and so on.At this time, I can't help but glance at her.I saw that she never took part in their discussions about me, but just leaned on her rifle, and stared at me with excited, intent, studying eyes, as if I were a prey she was about to catch.

I am also human, and I am a man. At this time, my masculine sensitivity will always satisfy me a little bit, and also produce a kind of Ah Q-style spiritual victory. Even if you are holding guns, my aura is enough to overwhelm you! That evening, I was holding this ostentatious posture, carrying a shovel, and walking in front of the queue with my head held high. She was at the end holding "Mr. Troublesome", yelling from time to time to walk slowly and wait.I stood on the side of the road, with my face up, and looked at her with a look above her. I vaguely saw her showing a weak and flustered expression next to me.She didn't dare to scold me anymore, instead I complained:

"Hurry up! You've been working all day, and you're hungry. You guys don't know how hungry you are." "Okay, okay, let's go, let's go..." Back in the cell, she unlocked it, we rushed in, and Xiao Shunzi jumped off the kang. "Eat quickly, eat quickly! I have a letter today. Here, this is from Dr. Li, this is from Ma Li, and this is from Technician Qin... Hey, monitor Qiao, bring us corn pancakes! Mom's! I'll stay here My stomach is growling..." "Xiao Shunzi, do you have my letter?" I watched Dr. Li, Lao Qin and others concentrate on reading the family letter, and I was so envious that I almost became jealous.The letters were all opened, and no envelopes were given. It is said that the envelopes were withheld to be "archived" to count how many letters the "ghosts and snake gods" received during the transformation period, and where did the letters come from.

"Hey, eat first..." "Is there any mine?" "No... Mom's! I'm hungry, it's important to eat..." She and a female warrior brought in a pot of tortillas and a pot of vegetable soup.Liu Jun followed behind them. "Well, have you read all the letters? Xiao Shunzi, have you sent all the letters? The family told you to reform them, right? Shi Zai, where's your letter?..." I looked at Xiao Shunzi suspiciously, and Xiao Shunzi reluctantly took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Huh? Why? No? Come on, I'll read it to him."

I felt the muscles all over my body tightened into a ball, and my nerves suddenly went numb. "'Comrade Shi Zai', huh! It's still 'comrade'! It seems that the person who wrote the letter is not very good! 'Now, I have to tell you a sad news, your mother...'" I snatched the letter away.This is the handwriting of the neighbor Mr. Zhao. Mom is dead!Mom is dead!Mom is dead!Mom is dead! "...You, you rebelled against the party at the age of eighteen..." Liu Jun squinted at me with the expression of a cat teasing a mouse, "...you can only have a way out if you reform well..."

I roared wildly and wanted to rush over, but as soon as I moved, I fell heavily... When I woke up, it was already night.Under the dim light, Dr. Li, Xiao Shunzi, Lao Qin...except for Mr. Troublesome, all surrounded me. "Okay, okay," said Xiao Shunzi, "it's all right. Mom! It's scary..." "Live strong!" Lao Qin held my hand, "They want you to collapse. The philosophy of the Communists is the philosophy of struggle. Live strong and remember this day forever..." I have no tears.All pain is overwhelmed by this pain.I covered my head with the quilt, and suppressed the wailing welling up from my chest.The mother died, and the world full of the brilliance of maternal love and the warmth of family disappeared.From then on, I was the only one wandering around in such a chaotic and desolate world.This imagination, this sense of loneliness, aroused the instinct of self-defense.This instinct strengthens the self-centered psychology. Once the blood in my heart is gone, the water in my heart will be squeezed dry, and my heart will harden... Night, quiet.There is only one summer insect moaning lonely outside the window.The faint, intermittent, high and low Qingqing sound brought me the breath of green grass, earth and life.Yes, the world is beautiful, life is worth nostalgia; to live is to live.However, my heart that can taste, experience, and enjoy beauty has become rigid. From then on, the world of beauty reflected in my heart will be fragmented, distorted, and deformed.I lifted the quilt slightly, took a deep breath, and then, like a wounded beast, groaned long and tremblingly. And at this time, from the window welded with steel bars, like an echo, a faint and painful sigh floated in... The next morning, even though I hadn't slept all night, I still got up on time.It was still she and a warrior woman who brought tortillas and soup.She didn't look at me, drifting away like a shadow.I finished my breakfast in silence, and everyone was silent with heavy solemnity, not even "Mr. Messy". After a while, she greeted outside the door.I still carried the shovel silently and lined up with everyone.Lao Qin encouraged me with appreciative eyes.Standing in front of the queue, she asked Dr. Li in a melancholy tone: "He... is he still working?" "out!" Old Qin gave a firm answer on my behalf, and then led the slogan: "Leniency for confession!" "Strictness for resistance!" "Atonement for crimes!" Today, we are still repairing the farm canal, and we all work together.The female warriors also seemed to be quieter, their chirping voices in the shade were low and restrained.It was almost noon, and a section of the dike was repaired.She asked other female soldiers to take the "prisoner" to another section of the river, leaving me and "Mr. Troublesome" here to finish the work.After we were far away, she asked us to come down to the shade of the tree, and said to me in a low voice, "I...I don't know...you still have a mother." "Ah!" I suddenly shouted angrily, "Don't I have a mother?!" At this moment, I just felt dizzy, and there was a golden light in front of my eyes, with countless fly-like black spots flying in the light. "Aren't you the only ones who have mothers? Isn't our class enemy raised by our parents? Don't we have no flesh and blood? Is my mother supposed to..." In an instant, I completely lost self-control, and the blood suddenly It rushed to the head, trembling all over, and finally shouted out of voice.I scratched my throat and chest anxiously with my ten fingers. "No, no! That's not what I meant," she repeated in panic, shaking her hands. "No! That's not what I meant! No! That's not what I meant..." I was still trembling violently, scratching, foaming from the corners of my mouth... "Hit me! Ah, hit me!" She dropped the gun to the ground and grabbed my hand, "Just hit me to vent your anger...you hit me! That's it, that's it... "She waved my hand vigorously towards her face, "That's it, hit it! Hit it..." I slammed her hand away, and finally rushed out in one breath: "Go away! Go away! Go far away..." Then, I turned around and threw myself on the embankment, wailing loudly. "Hey, hey! So much, so much, so much!..." I don't know how long it took, but the hot sun at noon scorched the sand on the embankment.Dry, shining fine sand, meandering silently down the embankment slope, like endless tears crystallized into solid.The fine sand flowed over my head and onto my bare chest, giving me a desolate warmth.An earth lizard poked its head out of the achnatherum splendens, looked at me with its black eyes the size of rice grains, and then hurriedly turned its tail and crawled away. A few small ants discussed, hesitated, and finally sighed in front of my eyes. Returning with a sound of disappointment, she rubbed my back timidly and tenderly with her smooth hands.My skin suddenly felt cool and smooth, and at the same time smelled a scent of jasmine. "The skin on your back is peeling. I'll put some balm on you." She sat on the embankment next to me with her legs curled up, and said in a trembling voice, "Be careful when you put on clothes for work in the future." "You go," I just waved my arms weakly, forgetting that she was guarding me, "you go, you go..." "Now I see clearly who is good and who is bad." She sighed, and put her hands on her knees sadly, "When others are sad, they are happy...Don't be sad, you will get better in the future, Chairman Mao Said: "Good will be rewarded with good, and evil will be rewarded with evil. It's not that you don't repay, the time has not yet come." You save people, and there will always be good results. They don't know how to repay you, and they torment you, and there will be no good results..." I twitched and closed my eyes tightly.After the violent impulses of human nature have passed, the docile ideas cultivated for many years habitually control me.I think her method of ignoring abstract political concepts and dividing people into good and bad based on a simple concept of right and wrong is naive. I can't imagine Liu Jun.What he represents is such a huge and correct force in history, and this kind of force is the object of my admiration all the time.Now, it seems that the more cruel and terrifying it is, the more painful it is for me to taste the taste of punishment, the more it subdues me, and the more it makes me feel sorry for myself and regret the past. The sun is getting hotter, and the shade of the trees is slowly moving.Both of us were exposed to the hot sun, but she still stayed by my side, ignoring my indifference, and said slowly: "I know you don't have enough to eat, and I want to bring you some food. But it's hard to get it during the day. I'll go back and set up a bed for you under the window. I'll throw it in for you through the broken glass at night. You quietly to eat..." Although I don't want to eat her food, I think her idea is still advisable.There are ten people sleeping on a large kang, and they are crowded together in summer, and the smell of turbid nose and sweat often makes people unable to sleep.Coupled with the rampage of "Mr. Troublesome" lice, it was even more itchy. At noon, she got Liu Jun's approval and asked Xiao Shunzi to help me build a bed under the window.The plank is the one that carried Song Zheng away.Of course, it's sun-dried now. At night, sleeping under the window, the cool night wind brushes my cheeks.After a big mourning, my heart seemed to be a little more relaxed.Grief will overflow with tears. If human beings do not have lacrimal glands, I think the average age will never exceed forty years old.However, touching the plank under me, I am not sure whether I can live to be thirty years old. Could it be that the plank that carried Song Zheng over won't carry me out again?