Chapter 4 ○ articles

Bian Deren said: In fact, I also feel the same in my heart (1) Bian Deren married Hou Cuicui without any ceremony.Bian Deren is five years older than Hou Cuicui. Both of them have no parents or brothers and sisters. Their combined life starts now and will be handed over to the future. Bian Deren was born in Houma Town in the south of Shanxi. In the fifth year of the Republic of China, his parents died of illness one after another. He had no siblings, and he became an orphan at the age of eight.His sonless uncle adopted him.My uncle's family makes a living by brewing and selling vinegar, and there is a vinegar brewing workshop.Uncles and aunts treated him decently. Although he was assigned some household chores at a young age, they fed and clothed him, and neither kissed nor scolded or beat him.Bian Deren was still a little grateful in his heart, thinking that he would repay his uncle for his upbringing when he grew up in the future.When he was ten years old, his uncle graciously sent him to a private school and told him to study hard, saying that if they had no sons, the vinegar workshop would be handed over to him when they were old and dead; No culture is impossible.However, two years later, my aunt gave birth to a son, and they immediately stopped supporting him, saying that he was old enough to work as a helper in the vinegar workshop.Bian Deren worked for his uncle without any wages. According to his uncle, they took care of his food, housing, clothing, and use.Bian Deren was very obedient, and he didn't care about it, and he didn't complain.He also thought that he couldn't always rely on his uncle. When he was seventeen or eighteen years old, he would leave the vinegar shop and go to work outside to earn money, support himself, and arrange himself.However, at the age of sixteen, things changed.

One day, after Bian Deren delivered vinegar to a large family, on the way back, he saw a crowd of people along the street on one side, which seemed lively.He leaned over curiously.I saw a middle-aged woman sitting on a stone cliff by the roadside, with a ten-year-old girl in her arms.On the little girl's head stuck two pieces of yellowed hay.Women and girls are dressed in clean cotton gowns that are not torn or dirty. The girl's two braids are neatly combed and tied with red headbands; she wears a pair of brand new embroidered red cloth shoes on her exquisite feet, which looks like New Year's Eve Dress up for festive occasions.Her feet were not bound. In this day and age, there are both bound and unbound feet, and it is not too abnormal to have unbound feet.Seeing the straw mark on the little girl's head, people knew that she was selling a child.In those days, it was not surprising that children were sold on the side of the road, but the strange thing was that the mother did not look like a child seller, and the child did not seem to be sold.How can such a well-dressed person be reduced to selling people?The usual sellers and victims are all ragged, unkempt, skinny, sallow, and look hungry, hungry, and impoverished.The mother and daughter in front of them were not only neatly dressed, but also had fair complexions.The girl's face was still a little round, with a hint of blush; the mother's face was pale, with a kind of excessive whiteness, as if she had only applied powder, but not rouge. The paleness that appeared due to his weakness was no longer bloody.Sure enough, a black and yellow letter on yellow paper pressed underground with stones reads:

I lost my husband in my early years, had no relatives or friends, and stayed alone with my daughter for more than a few years.Now, I have a lung disease, and the days are numbered.I hope that kind people will buy my daughter and treat my daughter well.My daughter's life is hard, anyone who buys her with bad intentions will be punished!And those who are kind and honest will be able to help each other! My daughter: Hou Cuicui, born on the 19th day of the eighth lunar month in the second year of the Republic of China, with the appearance of a tiger. The words on the notice are not difficult to read, and Bian Deren can basically read them clearly.Look, look at the girl, the girl is good-looking, on the oval face, there are a pair of moving big eyes, the eyebrows are curved, the tip of the nose is slightly upturned, and the red lips are small and full.Bian Deren looked at her, frowned slightly, thinking: How can she overcome others?The onlookers talked a lot about the "hard" fate of the girl.He kept shaking his head as he spoke.

Someone asked the girl: What is your husband's zodiac sign? "Dragon." The girl replied indifferently. The crowd was in an uproar.Some people say: It is really a Keren!Really grams! The people responded with lili la la.Then came a series of voices: How dare you want this, even a fairy would not dare to want it!The crowd gradually dispersed. The girl was calm and indifferent, and tried her best to say to the backs of the departing people: As long as you are a good person, you are not afraid!Her father is not a good person!Nemesis! The crowd comes and goes.Bian Deren still didn't want to leave.He really likes the girl's appearance, and it's not enough for him to stare at her.He still has pity for her.His brows flared.The girl stared at him with wide eyes, as if expecting something from him.He clenched his fists and thought to himself: If only I had a sachet or an embroidered handkerchief, that would be great!He wants to have a gift for the girl, how happy the girl will be!He clearly knew that he was penniless, but he still fumbled through his pockets.He was heartbroken with despair.The girl gave him a slight dimple, a crescent moon appeared on her cherry lips, a shallow swirl appeared at the lower left corner of her lips, and she also had a dimple!Bian Deren's heart hurt even more.He felt a little ashamed, he couldn't do anything for the girl, but he was enjoying the joy the girl brought him.

He held on, and choked out a sentence from his throat: How much will it cost? The girl looked at him, with cold eyes, and said: As long as he is a really good person who can protect her for the rest of his life, he will sell it for any money. Bian Deren bit his lower lip hard, and clenched his hands again.After being dumbfounded for a while, he turned and left.Two big teardrops fell from his eyes.He hated his own incompetence in his heart. After returning to the vinegar workshop, Bian Deren has been out of his mind.He always misses that fateful Hou Cuicui.In fact, he is not afraid of being "hard".When he was young, he heard his mother say that people with hard fates are good people, and they only restrain bad people with soft fates; but people with hard fates can support good people.That's the same as what the girls said.In this way, not only is he not afraid of Hou Cuicui's fate, but he even wants to buy her.Then, he thought: What if he bought a girl?He thought Hou Cuicui should be his sister.He is a lonely family, his uncle's house is his uncle's house, and his uncle has sons and daughters, so it's still an eyesore for him to stand on the edge.He bought Hou Cuicui, they should be like brothers and sisters.Every day, Cuicui's elder brother called him short and long, and he was so happy; he took his younger sister to live alone, and he earned money outside to support her and treat her well. When she grew up to be a handsome girl, he gave her Find a good family; forever, they continue and carry forward the relationship of their relatives, interacting with each other, walking around, greeting each other, caring for each other, and knowing each other.The phantasy picture was a bliss that seized his heart.

After thinking about it beautifully, the reality in front of him troubled him.It's not like he can't live without the vinegar workshop.Sixteen years old, not too young, he has the guts to go out and be independent.He was thinking anxiously: How can he have some money to buy girls!Thinking of this, he wished he could smash himself into iron and steel and sell him.His heart was wandering, and his head spent the day in drowsiness.The next day, he was still thinking about the girl in disbelief, thinking that she was his own sister.He couldn't let go of his "sister", so he found an opportunity to sneak out of the vinegar shop, and ran to the street where Hou Cuicui's mother and daughter stayed yesterday.In the distance, he saw a circle of people there.From the gap in the crowd, he saw the girl.His hanging heart fell to the ground like a stone.He turned around and walked back with his legs limp.As he walked, he gained strength in his legs.For a moment, he thought he could be rich.The scene he once peeped suddenly flashed in his mind.His aunt once put a few silver dollars into the dowry.He thought, it was the private money saved by his aunt secretly.If he hadn't witnessed it with his own eyes, how would he have thought that there were silver dollars hidden in the dowry?And the dowry is placed in the drawer of the dresser, which is never locked; he often cleans the bedroom, he knows it well.Auntie's cleverness is to make people pay no attention to the drawer. Locking the drawer will attract people's attention and suspicion.

Bian Deren thought that he would steal the silver dollars as soon as possible. Stealing the silver dollars went well.He only stole one piece.He originally wanted to sweep them all away, but he couldn't bear it. It would be too sinful to do that.Even with that one silver dollar in my pocket, I still feel a little guilty and uneasy.He comforted himself and said: How many silver dollars can I exchange my wages for so many years?I only took one silver dollar, one silver dollar, only one!I said this several times in my heart, and my heart was at ease. He lied about going to the latrine, and rushed out the door impatiently.

The fateful Hou Cuicui has not been sold yet.Panting, he took out the silver dollar and handed it to the girl, saying: Is this enough? The girl stared at Bian Deren. He had a square face, a square mouth, single eyelids, and two bulging cheeks, as if he had a mouth full of buns. He looked normal, but his eyes were full of sincerity and kindness, and he was a good person. ;He is still strong, and by strength he can have a way of life.The girl exhaled and said: Although you are not good-looking, I can see that you are a sincere person.As he spoke, he stretched out his pale arm, took the silver dollar, and muttered: Enough, enough.

Bian Deren said: She is my sister, and I will treat her ten thousand times better!As he spoke, he took Hou Cuicui's hand and said vigorously: "Let's go!" The girl looked at her mother, with tears in her eyes, and cried out as if wronged: Mother! The mother stuffed the silver dollar into the girl's pocket, pushed her, swallowed and said: "Mother does not miss people, go!" Bian Deren said in surprise: The silver dollar is for you. Niang waved her hands and said, "I'm about to die. If I want silver dollars, I'll take them to hell."After finishing speaking, he stood up, sighed, and said: This is a troubled world, so live well if you have a life.After speaking, he took off the grass badge on his daughter's head, held it in his hand, turned and left.

Hou Cuicui pursed her mouth and began to cry silently.Bian Deren put his arms around the girl and said: You have a brother! With Hou Cuicui, the time has come for Bian Deren to become independent.Because he stole a silver dollar, he didn't dare to stay in the vinegar workshop anymore.He thought: Tell uncle directly that he is leaving, and uncle will not let him go immediately, so how will Cuicui arrange it?On that day, he hid Cuicui in the home of a blind widower.The only son of the widower became a soldier of the Anhui warlord a few years ago in order to earn a living.The blind widower had to beg for a living every day.The widower's shack-like home was dilapidated and smelly.The widower is kind-hearted and blind, so Bian Deren is very relieved to leave Cuicui here.He told Cui Cui not to go out except to go to the latrine, and not to talk to strangers.He went back to pack up his business, and ran out to pick her up after his uncle's family had gone to bed at night.Cuicui nodded obediently.In order to "protect" Cui Cui, the widower did not go out to beg in the afternoon.At ten o'clock that night, Bian Deren came to the shack, gasping for breath after running.He carried a large package tied with yellow cloth on his back.The shack was unlocked, so Bian Deren pushed the door and went in.With the help of the faint moonlight, Bian Deren could tell that it was Cuicui lying on the bed, and the widower drooped his head, leaning against the wall and falling asleep.Bian Deren put the package on Cui Cui's feet, stretched out the quilt for Cui Cui, and sat on the side of the bed. He couldn't see Cui Cui's face clearly in the dark, but he looked at Cui Cui and said in his heart: Sister, where are we going? !He went to Hebei to the east, Liaoning to the north, and Henan to the south. Wherever he chose, his future life must be different. He thought that if he couldn't take care of his younger sister, he would be a sinner.His previous excitement had been consumed, and he didn't make a decision until dawn.He wanted to ask the widower, after all, he was an elder and had far-sightedness than him; he said that they would go wherever it was better for them.

The widower said to go west of Shaanxi.Bian Deren said in amazement: "It's remote and desolate there. People say it's not a good place, and it's hard to survive."The widower said: Where there is water, land and people, no one will starve to death.In this world, where there are many people, the world is the most chaotic. If there are more battles, there will be more deaths, and there will be fewer battles in the west.Better alive than dead.If you have a life, you will have a way to live. There are so many ways to live. If you can’t survive in a lifetime, you will be wronged by yourself if you die!Bian Deren nodded, saying that he would not go to the end of this life, he didn't want to lose his life, let alone Cuicui's life.Just go west! At this time, Cuicui took out a silver dollar from her pocket, handed it to Bian Deren, and said: Brother, give this silver dollar to uncle.Bian Deren was still in doubt.He thought: If it is given to widowers, what will they do? Cuicui cleverly saw what he was thinking, and took out another red cloth bag from her pocket and said, "Brother, there are two silver dollars in it, which my mother gave me." Bian Deren was pleasantly surprised, and immediately took the red cloth bag and silver dollars from Cui Cui's hands. After thinking for a while, he put the individual silver dollars into Cui Cui's hands, untied the red cloth bag, took out a silver dollar, walked up to the widower, and put the silver dollars into the widower's hands. In his hand, he said: You can use this silver dollar. The widower reacted immediately, grabbed Bian Deren's hand accurately, put the silver dollar back into his hand and said: I am a blind man, and I am holding the silver dollar to let others grab it.You have a long journey, and a few silver dollars may not be enough. Bian Deren held the silver dollar, thinking about it.Turning around, she took the silver dollar in Cuicui's hand, and said: I bought it for you, so you can't spend it, keep it forever, and think about it.He said and put the silver dollars into the bag. Cui Cui reminded: How can you tell the difference when they are installed together? Bian Deren was stunned for a moment, took out the silver dollar, looked at Cui Cui, smiled and said: Look at me stupid.After thinking for a while, he said: "Brother, keep this piece in your pocket, you can keep the one your mother left, and ask for it when you need it."After finishing speaking, he tightened his mouth and handed it to Cui Cui. Cuicui shook her head, didn't pick up the red cloth bag, and said: Brother, take care of it. Bian Deren hesitated, nodded and said: OK.Don't worry, you can trust brother, and brother can trust yourself!After finishing speaking, he went to the bed and unwrapped the package, and took out a pair of scissors the size of a palm from inside. On the single silver dollar, on the "top" of Yuan Shikai's head, he carved two equal signs with the tip of the scissors vigorously, saying: This is It's marked.Two lines, one is you and the other is me.Then he untied the red cloth bag, put the silver dollar engraved with the equal sign into it, tied it up, and put it in his pocket. Bian Deren took out a paper bag from the package, opened it, and inside was a stack of white flour pancakes.He first took out a pancake and handed it to Cui Cui, who opened her mouth to eat.Then, Bian Deren took out half, put it in the hands of the widower, and said: This is enough for you for two days.Once you eat it, others can't take it away. The widower immediately took out a piece of pancake, and without thinking about talking, he munched on the pancake, as if he was very hungry.After eating a piece of cake, the widower said, "Come on, the days on the road are precious." Bian Deren tied up the package again, carried it on his back, and said to Cui Cui: Let's go! Going out is a difficult journey.The pace of Bian Deren and Hou Cuicui's westward march was as slow as a snail.They took cars, horse-drawn carriages, crossed rafts, waded across streams and rivers, walked and climbed mountain slopes; the road was long and the water was long, and they passed village after village and village after village.They eat and sleep in the open, exposed to the sun, the wind, and the rain. Their bodies and bones are cured from illness, and the illness is cured, and the cycle repeats and repeats; the banknotes and copper coins exchanged for one silver dollar are gradually used up, and the copper coins and banknotes exchanged for another silver dollar Cui Cui sold her hair, like a boy in disguise, wherever he went, Bian Deren would look for work, no work, no money, they asked for food and picked up rags.At that time, Bian Deren felt sorry for Cui Cui, his heart was torn apart.Cuicui couldn't bear Bian Deren's hard work, and said several times, let's change the silver dollar with the "equal sign" engraved on it.Bian Deren shook his head firmly and said no, looked at Cui Cui and said: If you change it, it is tantamount to selling you away.Cuicui didn't say anything.Three months later, they finally moved to a big town called Lanzhou.This town is sparsely populated, like a resting place in troubled times, but it is not peaceful.This is the west side of Shaanxi. Bian Deren asked people, is this called the west side?The person replied that it was not the most west, saying that it was still big to go west.Bian Deren said: Is the west side safer than this?People said: I have never been there, I heard it is more desolate than here in Lanzhou, and there is no road there.Bian Deren looked at Cui Cui's darkened, reddened and somewhat dry face, and said with relief: This is it, no need to go anymore, I'll buy you face balm after earning money, and your complexion will turn white again Tenderized. They appeared on the streets of Lanzhou like beggars, and they asked where there were cheap houses for rent; they only had a few banknotes besides the silver dollar engraved with the equal sign, and Bian Deren summed it up, and these banknotes were only enough They stay for one day, at most two days, without eating or drinking.He thought, for the time being, he can go out to ask for food and drink, but he must live in the house. They have been sleeping on the streets for countless days along the way, and it is time to end.When I arrive in Lanzhou, I want to set up a family here. Lanzhou is like a home. If you have a home, you can’t live on the street no matter what. You can’t open this side, otherwise it may become a harbinger of the future; Lanzhou is The head is also the tail, if you lead the head well, you will have a good tail.Driven by this, Bian Deren searched around non-stop for labor jobs: shining shoes, carrying big bags for others at the wharf of the Yellow River, helping others carry coffins, bury coffins, carry dead people, bury dead people, carry water for others, he picked up a broken The wooden board was sawed into squares with a saw blade, and the dirt on it was wiped off. I borrowed a pen and ink from the landlord, and wrote down the possible tasks that I could think of on the wooden board.When there was no work, he would hold the plank in front of his chest with both hands, and stand by the busiest street, waiting for work to come to him.His work is uninterrupted, and the livelihood of him and Cuicui cannot be interrupted.They lived frugally, and gradually had some spare money.Cuicui is using facial balm every day, and her face is gradually becoming fairer.They say to outsiders: They are brother and sister. After nearly two years of playing casually like this, Bian Deren has become famous for his work. His ability to work hard and his physical strength have been widely spread.A large family fell in love with him, and specially asked the housekeeper to recruit Bian Deren.The family's surname is Kuang, and they are in the hookah business.Bian Deren came to Kuang's family to work as a rickshaw driver for them. The original rickshaw driver was over 30 years old and was dismissed.This is a rare job, and the Kuang family paid him four or five yuan more than the average monthly salary when he worked alone, and they also took care of his board and lodging.What's more, in Bian Deren's view, he joined others to do things, which is a big step forward compared to the previous wandering and hard work. He has leaned towards stability, and he feels that he has become a person in the land of Lanzhou. Living in Kuang's house, he would not be able to go back to his "home" with Cui Cui. He was worried about leaving Cui Cui at home alone, so he told the owner of Kuang's family about his thoughts.The eldest wife of the Kuang family asked Cuicui's age, and said that she should go and help the old lady who cooks, because it is time to add someone there.Bian Deren didn't want Cui Cui to serve others, he thought it was enough for him to support her, but he also thought that Cui Cui is not young anymore, she should learn to do some work, it will be good for her to marry in the future, so he accepted.The Kuang family naturally thought that Bian Deren and Cuicui were brothers and sisters, so they said that his sister lived in Bian Deren's house.Bian Deren lived in the dilapidated house of Kuang's family. The place in the house was almost filled with rags, and the free space was only enough for a single bed.Bian Deren thought, how can he and Cuicui live together? After all, he and Cuicui are not siblings, so they live together tightly, so how can it be convenient?Brothers and sisters are really nothing. It is common for children from poor families, regardless of gender, to be squeezed into the same bed.Although he and Cuicui lived in the same room outside, they each slept on separate bed boards, separated by a dark floral cloth.I thought about it, but I couldn't say it out of my mouth.All I can do is say yes, yes.After Cui Cui arrived, Bian Deren blushed and said: You and your elder brother should sleep together.Cui Cui said cheerfully like a child: Brother, you can give me my feet!Bian Deren's face was burned to the base of his neck, thinking: Look at what I'm thinking about!Looking back also turned into joy, thinking, this is the twelfth lunar month, and it is the time to give Cui Cui's feet. A few months after coming to Kuang's house, Cui Cui was very smart at work, plus she was pretty, the eldest wife of Kuang's family treated her very well.When she is free, she often drags Cui Cui's time in the kitchen to talk with her or give her back a beat.There is no reason for the old lady in the kitchen to be unhappy, the power to exercise is in the hands of the master.After going there a few times, Cui Cui was afraid to go, because she was often able to meet the eldest wife's second son there.The second son has one leg, and it is said that the broken leg was chopped off by the bandits who broke into Kuang's house six years ago.The broken leg was hanging like a meatball, and the trousers worn on top were mostly empty and tied in a knot, as if a cloth bag was hung on the meatball.As a one-legged man, during the day, he walks up and down with his arms under his crutches, and there is no obstacle.Cui Cui was afraid of him not because he was one-legged, but because he was staring at her directly, as if he wanted to eat her into his stomach fiercely.The crippled son didn't like to talk, so he focused on his eyes, and his eyes were bulging, like golden fish eyes.It's not good-looking, and it's not soft.He didn't do anything bad to Cui Cui, and Cui Cui didn't think he was bad, but she was afraid of looking him in the eye.There are some children who have never seen a ghost, but are afraid of ghosts; they have instincts.If Cui Cui didn't come to the eldest wife's house, it would be difficult for her to see him. He had no reason to go to the kitchen, and there was nothing to do in the kitchen. There was no place for him to sit, and he supported himself on crutches, how tired he was.In the eldest wife's room, he could throw his crutches aside, lean back comfortably in the armchair, and stare at Cuicui all the time. Cui Cui feared that the crippled son hadn't been afraid enough, but things got even worse.On this day, the eldest wife called Cui Cui and said: Don't go to the kitchen anymore, go and serve the second young master, he has already resigned from the original girl.Cui Cui trembled, but she could only nod her head and say "yes".Really serving the lame second young master made Cui Cui feel that she really encountered a "ghost".The lame second young master took off his upper body every day and asked Cui Cui to beat his back, and beat him hard, Cui Cui's arms were sore from beating, but he still didn't tell her to stop.Cui Cui couldn't beat her anymore, so he turned over, grabbed Cui Cui's hand, and held her to continue beating his chest.His eyes stared at Cui Cui unscrupulously, baring his teeth from time to time, laughing "hehe", one of his front teeth was still sticking out, like a fang, whenever he saw him like that, Cui Cui I thought he was a "ghost".If it wasn't for his lack of energy, he would never stop.Cui Cui wanted to tell Brother De Ren that he was afraid that he would lose his composure and find his employer, and they would be kicked out.It's not easy for them to have a stable job these days.However, gradually, Cuicui also adapted to the "monotonous" mental stimulation of the lame second young master, and began to become numb.Saying goodbye to the second young master also relieved the tension.After a few days of not being nervous, the second young master died suddenly. He was found when the servant called him for dinner in the early morning.The doctor didn't find out what kind of disease it was, and said that it might be a disease in the chest.After hearing this, Cui Cui felt cold all over, thinking that his chest disease must have been caused by the beating. Cui Cui and Bian Deren have been "playing the old man" for a year, and they are naturally used to it.One morning, Cui Cui felt a pain in her stomach rolling, she moaned instinctively, and vaguely felt that her inner thigh was a little sticky.Bian Deren heard it dimly, got up and lit the kerosene lamp, and shook her awake. Cuicui hugged her stomach, said it hurt, and turned over while talking.Bian Deren saw: the bed and the buttocks of Cuicui's underpants were stained with blood.He was terrified, hugged Cui Cui in horror and said: Blood, you are bleeding, Cui Cui, what's wrong with you?As he said, tears welled up in his eyes.He thought it was a disaster.Cui Cui also cried in horror, saying: Brother, am I going to die. Bian Deren shook his head desperately and said: I can't die, I can't die, I will take you to see a doctor right away.As he said this, he hurriedly went down to the ground, put on Cuicui's coat, hugged her, and went out of the house, shouting: "Master, eldest lady, Cuicui's body is bleeding!"Cui Cui is bleeding! The eldest lady came out with her clothes on, and after asking about the situation, she burst out laughing and asked Bian Deren to put down Cui Cui, saying: Cui Cui is fine, but she has grown into a girl, not a girl anymore. This year, Cuicui was fifteen years old and had menstruation.The eldest wife said that they are not children anymore, and it would be bad to live together.Ask Bian Deren to live in the warehouse where the tobacco leaves are stored, and Cuicui lives in the dilapidated house.Although Bian Deren and Cui Cui didn't understand what was going on, they vaguely felt that it was time for them to separate.The words "grow into a girl" by the eldest wife made Bian Deren tremble. He thought that it was time to marry when he grew up into a girl, and felt sad for a while.He no longer wants to be separated from Cui Cui.So what?He sighed helplessly. She stopped living with Cui Cui, and after a year, she saw that Cui Cui's stature had grown a bit before she knew it.Standing in front of Bian Deren, he almost caught up with him.One day, the eldest wife came to Bian Deren and said that Cui Cui was not young anymore and it was time to consider getting married.Bian Deren lowered his head and said that Cuicui had to marry a good family.The eldest wife said of course, she was handsome, so she didn't have to worry about not being able to find a good family.Next, she said that she had introduced Cui Cui to the son of a businessman who had several shops and was a wealthy man. She said that she brought her son to meet Cui Cui in two days.Bian Deren said in a muffled voice: "See you." After a few days, the merchant came with his son.The son didn't look very good, his eyes were small and hooked, and his mouth was long and narrow; he looked lax and arrogant, and he didn't take Cui Cui seriously.Cui Cui sat there, hooking her head shyly, only looking at her toes.The businessman asked Cui Cui, and Cui Cui answered.At the end of the day, the businessman winked with the master and the eldest wife, and said that he would let his son and Cuicui talk alone for a while, and then talk about discord.People left, only Cui Cui and the son were left in the house.The merchant's son didn't speak, got up and stood in front of Cui Cui, stared at her for a while, and said: I see you have a dimple, smile, and show me again.Cui Cui forced a smile, the businessman's son stretched out his hand and twisted Cui Cui's face, Cui Cui yelled "Ouch" in fright. The businessman's son laughed happily, hugged Cui Cui again, and said with a smile: "Let me kiss your dimples."After speaking, he couldn't help but put his mouth on Cui Cui's face. Cui Cui was so frightened that she dodged left and right, and said: What are you doing, what are you doing! The merchant's son said: I married you, I can do whatever I want! Cuicui said nervously: "I haven't married yet!"Not married yet! Regardless, the merchant's son became even more unscrupulous, dragged Cui Cui into his arms, unbuttoned the collar of Cui Cui's gown with one hand, stretched his hand along the neck, and touched Cui Cui's breasts. Her breasts were full and tender. Ravage pained her.She yelled and hid.Seeing her struggling hard, the merchant's son pushed her to the ground and said contemptuously, "What are you, you are not rare!"After all, he walked out of the house angrily. Cui Cui dared not tell anyone about this.She wondered how she could talk about it.She didn't dare to think about the future, she wanted to accept her fate and leave. Life still leaned on Cui Cui.The next day, the businessman came to Kuang's house angrily, saying that they asked someone to figure out that Cui Cui was a murderous person, and he blamed Kuang's family for hiding the truth.The master and the eldest wife of the Kuang family were also surprised, saying: If we knew, we would have kicked her out long ago.Thinking of her son's death in this way, the eldest wife said with regret: If I knew it earlier, I would just tell their fortunes. On the same day, the Kuang family drove Bian Deren and Cuicui out like a broom star. They didn't even pay the wages of the month, and they turned their faces and refused to recognize them. Bian Deren and Cui Cui sat blankly on the curb, neither complained about Kuang's family, but said that they were good enough for them. During the drought two years ago, they did not go hungry, did not eat grass roots or bark, Enough to enjoy.On the contrary, they felt that they were really sorry for the Kuang family, and they pulled out the words of the Tritrick people.Bian Deren has never mentioned this kind of thing since they got together, thinking that it was Jie Cuicui's fault.This time, Bian Deren felt a little sorry for the Kuang family, saying that the lame young master is neither bad nor evil, how could he be restrained? Cui Cui lowered her head and said, "He's not good, you didn't see it." Bian Deren said: Did you see it? Cuicui nodded.Bian Deren asked what happened to him?Cui Cui shook her head and said: Don't tell me, anyway, she saw it, and she wouldn't lie.He also said, he was scaring me, not evil, and I never wanted him to die. Bian Deren asked: Your mother said that you killed your father, is he bad? Cuicui nodded, and said: "It's very bad, scolding and beating my mother all day long, and even gambling with the money my mother earned from working for others."In order to make my mother earn money, I forced my mother to sleep with a man from another family. Only now do I know that it was asking my mother to sell herself.My mother is so pitiful!Said sobbing sadly. Bian Deren put his arms around Cuicui, unable to say anything. Cuicui leaned into Bian Deren's arms and said: Brother, don't ask me to marry again, I only follow brother, only brother is the best person. Bian Deren sighed and said: How can you follow me all your life, I am a brother after all!Marrying a good family is better than living with me. I want you to live a good life. Cui Cui wiped away her tears and said: Don't the good people I mean by brother mean those rich people?What about rich people? They bought me as a thing, and they can call me whatever they want.Then he burst into tears again.Slowly, she told what the merchant's son had done to her that day. Bian Deren bit his lips tightly, and the circles of his eyes were also red.Said: You will follow me all your life!In fact, I also thought so in my heart! Hou Cuicui said: If there is no girl baby, just put the word "silver" (1) Leave it to the next generation of women In the early morning of July 1958, Hou Cuicui gave birth to a baby boy by caesarean section in the People's Hospital.The baby's gender was Bian Deren, and Hou Cuicui frowned. They looked at each other and said helplessly: Why is it a boy again!Forty-four-year-old Hou Cuicui was pregnant and gave birth unexpectedly.Since the 35-year-old Hou Cuicui gave birth to her fourth child in 1949, she has not been pregnant again. They thought they would never have any more children.The couple didn't know how to use contraception. Most common people in that era didn't know how to use contraception.The method of contraception is not to have sex; after that, you can forget about it, let nature take its course, and give birth as soon as you get pregnant.I was born until I was pregnant.Procreation was natural and free in that era; rich or poor, no matter what, they gave birth to a series of children, those who were worried were worried, and those who were happy were happy. The boy she gave birth to was the fifth child in Bian's family.Five children were not many in the era of freedom of reproduction.After the founding of the People's Republic of China and before family planning, the years of free birth laid a solid foundation for China to become a populous country.Although childbearing was free before the founding of the People's Republic of China, at that time there was chaos, the people were in dire straits, medical care was outdated and unsystematic, and the lives of the common people were poor, and the survival rate of the babies born was reduced. In addition to dystocia, young lives are often lost in hunger, disaster, disease, and war.The numbness that parents get used to seeing their own flesh and blood that has passed away like this makes the tears turn dry, and the eyes are full of helplessness and lament that life is just like this, resigned to fate; the death of a child is regarded as natural like birth, This is also a natural phenomenon in that extraordinary period.Among the couples who have gone through the era of war and poverty, which family has not experienced the experience of infant death?Bian Deren and Hou Cuicui also had this kind of "natural" experience.Otherwise, they would have seven children, and the two who died were girls.Without a baby girl, it hurts their hearts to think about it.Speaking of such a thing, we must start with their first child. After leaving Kuang's house, they rented a cheap private house, thinking about living as before.But nothing can go back to the past. Think about it, it was already three years ago.Now, Cui Cui has grown into a girl, and Bian Deren is over 20 years old. In those days, a man should be 20 years old.Bian Deren didn't want to do casual work anymore, he felt that it was no longer what he did at his age, he should find a long-term job at his age, so that Cuicui could feel safe relying on him.He is also safe.He searched for a few days, and finally found a job as a handyman in a hospital.Cui Cui said that she should also go out to find a job, and Bian Deren said that he can support her alone, no need.Cui Cui said, I am so old, I still eat for nothing, I feel uncomfortable.Bian Deren said that there are many women like her who don't work.Cui Cui said that she was taking care of the children, and she also had things to do in the house.I'm so idle, like a useless person.Bian Deren said: In the future, we will also have children.After all, his face was hot.Cui Cui was also a little shy, she lowered her head and didn't speak.Ever since they made a promise to be together for a lifetime, there has been no breakthrough. On the surface, they are still like brothers and sisters before.They still sleep in separate beds. They are used to the brother-sister relationship. If they change roles, they are still not used to it, and it seems that they will not know it.They couldn't get in, they couldn't get out, and they were a bit at a loss.The only thing that has changed is that Cui Cui's name is Bian Deren, and she changed her name from brother to brother Deren.However, Cui Cui did not coil her hair up like a daughter-in-law, her long braid was still hanging on her slender back.Without the elders teaching and reminding them, they actually forgot this detail; without the ceremony, they also forgot the form.In this way, they passed more than half a year. The turning point came in the eighteenth year of the Republic of China, one night in the twelfth lunar month.On this day, the weather was extremely cold with heavy wind and snow.屋里虽然点了火盆，但隔不住他们房子四面的漏风，风是从房顶四处开裂的缝隙蹿进来的。强烈的冷气一层层吹消了柴火的热流。这屋里还是不够热。翠翠守着火盆，加紧地添着柴火。柴火的燃烧有些疯狂，火焰的力量比平日加倍地吞噬着柴火。翠翠一心一意，不停地添着柴火，她想，多冷的天，德仁哥一定是冷坏了，她要把屋子烧得热乎乎的，让德仁哥一进屋，身子骨就会暖和过来。她已经忘了去控制火焰的力量和柴火的用量。天黑彻底的时候，卞德仁回来了，他是真的冷坏了，手是紫红色的，脸是紫红色的，鼻孔处淌出的清涕好像冻结了，像贴了块玻璃碴儿。一进屋，他就不顾一切地蹲在了火盆前，迫切地向火焰张着手，手指头僵硬着，冻得一时伸不直了。手缓过来了，他开始将手上的热气一次一次传到脸上。逐渐，他有点暖和过来了。这时，火焰完成了任务似的，放慢了燃烧的力量，翠翠想继续推进它的力量，但是，没有柴火了。她孩子一般呜呜哭起来。卞德仁搂住她说，不要紧，已经不冷了。 吃罢饭，两个人像以往一样，拉上中间的红布帘，各上了各的床。火盆里的火逐步灭彻底了，像黑夜一样，沉入了宁静。宁静中，他们听到，从屋顶四面缝隙挤进来的冷风相互争抢叽叫着，它们疯狂地吮吸着屋里的余热，温度在一点一点降低；卞德仁和翠翠的身子在一步一步蜷缩。 翠翠忍不住地说：德仁哥，我冷。 卞德仁说：睡着就好了，小时听我娘说，雪后的太阳好。明天一早，太阳就出来了。太阳出来，我就去买柴火，你就可以在家好好地把身子暖和过来。 翠翠听话地嗯了声。 片刻，她又说：德仁哥，我冷，冷得睡不着。 卞德仁屏住气，没有出声。他在想，他应该去搂上翠翠睡，他也想去搂上她睡，但是，他羞涩，有点没有勇气，这碍在他们以前打下的那“兄妹”关系。 他还在犹豫时，翠翠已经抱着被窝，颤抖地站到了他床前。 他不由多想，拿过翠翠怀中的被窝，一把将翠翠拉进怀中。 翠翠紧紧贴着他，说：德仁哥，不冷了。 卞德仁喘着气说：盖两个被子咋会冷啊！ 翠翠轻呼着气说：两个人的热加在了一起，咋不热啊！ 他们从来没有这样脸贴脸地抱在一起过。现在，他们相互吸到了对方的气息。这气息燃烧了他们，给了他们跨越的力量。触摸着翠翠光嫩的肌肤，卞德仁身体的隐秘部位被巨大的激情支撑起来，他迫不及待地扒下翠翠的短裤，还没有来得及深入，一股他从未体验过的神经兴致就来临了，他长长呻吟一声。 这一晚，卞德仁懂得了怎样需要女人。他和翠翠的关系就彻底转变了。 卞德仁对翠翠说：我对不起你，是应该用轿子抬你来的。 翠翠笑着说：从我的床上到你的床上，我两步就走来了，轿子来了，还没有地方搁呢。 卞德仁笑笑，眼睛里却洇了泪，他把翠翠搂得紧紧的，心里酸酸的。 这天之后，翠翠就将长发盘了起来。四邻的人见翠翠转眼就变了个媳妇，有些惊奇。故意说：你是怕我们吃喜，半夜偷着坐轿子过来的吧。 翠翠也不紧张，笑着说：我是想坐，可我们屋里搁不下轿子哪。 邻居们哄哄笑笑，也不较真下去了，他们的特殊情况大家多少知道一点。特殊情况特殊对待，他们自然地也不会再过分惊讶、议论。过后，卞德仁还是买了糖果、花生、瓜子、红枣，给四邻的各家分发。每一家人都免不了说一句：早生贵子啊！有过这种形式，卞德仁心里头才觉得是有点对得住翠翠了。 邻居们以为，翠翠很快就会挺起肚子，半年多过去了，翠翠依然腰身纤细，人家以为她是那种不爱“显身”的，还直羡慕她身子长得好。但是，偶然，有人见她上茅房时是来了月经的，就觉得奇怪了，背后议论、猜测起来。那年代的人，见女人不怀孩子，只会觉得问题是出在女人的身上。一天，有人找机会，将做工回来还没有进家门的卞德仁拉到一旁，劝他说：赶紧带翠翠去看郎中，早治早抱上娃吧。卞德仁低着头，“嗯”一声，就匆匆走了。好像那是见不得人的事，很不好意思与别人多讲。其实，他心里头就是有不好意思对别人讲的“情况”，那问题不是出在翠翠身上，是出在他身上。想起来，他就恨自己无能，心里烦恼得很。 自从他和翠翠“跨越”了后，每一次，卞德仁过于兴奋，都是只挨上翠翠，还来不及进到翠翠的身体中，或者刚刚触了她那隐秘部位的娇嫩边缘，他就控制不住了那神经兴致的到来，让翠翠的大腿内侧黏糊了起来。那时，他心里说：等会儿再来吧。可是，很快他就困乏了，他白天做了一天的工，他是太累了。一觉，他就睡到了起床的点。起床后，吃块干菜饼，就忙着去医院上工了。起初，翠翠不明白也不习惯这样的结果，次数多了，她隐约就懂了那是不由德仁哥的，那些是会叫德仁哥沉醉的。他喜欢的，她就心甘情愿地接受习惯了。她以为这就是男人对女人的需求。还以为这样也就能够怀孕呢。没人对她教授过生理常识，她根本不懂得月经和怀孕的关系，以为自己可能已经怀了娃呢。 卞德仁每天晚上和翠翠抱上后，他心里就提醒自己要忍住，忍住，可还是忍不住。忍不住后，他就昏沉中提醒自己别睡着了，一会儿还要做呢，但是，不由自主地他就睡着了。 听了邻居的好心劝说，卞德仁私下里去瞧了郎中,向郎中讲了情况。 郎中说：这倒不算病，你这样年轻的，第一次都会控制不住，第一次不行，就等第二次吧。 卞德仁说：我太累，第一次过罢，就睡了，一睡就到天亮了。起来要去上工，就做不成了。 郎中说：做工也是为了将来养娃嘛。为了怀娃，你要忍啊！这年月，除了有钱人，谁不是累死累活地挣钱奔命。没有娃，就是断了命呢，命接不上，你就没奔头儿，还累着挣钱做啥？ 卞德仁连连点头说是，用力说他一定能学会忍住。 卞德仁的“忍”，说到头是怀娃的信念支撑出来的。五月这一天的晚上，卞德仁没有像以往那样很快地就有了沉醉，他的隐秘部位坚挺地顶在翠翠隐秘部位的边缘，兴致没有如期而至。他沿着一种本能需要的引领，一点一点向里探进，每深入一步，他的激情被掀起一层，令他激动颤抖，当他的全部深入进去，他沉醉地哼了声“哎哟”；而翠翠，感到一种隐隐的疼痛相随而来，她也“哎哟”一声。她不懂得这里面对于她的乐趣，她也在忍，为了德仁哥，也是为了人生生理阶段的必然打破，这一刻，她似乎懂得了“进入”的意义。打破的目的，献给了繁育的目的，那目的是信念，是必然，是理所应当的人生，是不能浪费的人生，是人生的人生，人生的生命；没有它，就是没有人生；没有生命，是行尸走肉了。这一晚上，在他们住了半年后，他们才播种下了他们的孩子。 翠翠的肚子一天天显露出来，他们的喜悦和盼望也就一天天地加强。每晚，卞德仁轻抚着翠翠鼓胀的肚子，望着屋顶，眼睛放出光，总要欣慰地做一番感叹。感叹最多的是说他一个孤儿，要有后代了，做梦一样啊！那时，翠翠幸福地说：我也是哪，没想过会有这样一天呢！之后，他们就对这将要出生的孩子进行想象和期望。卞德仁说孩子长得不要像他，像翠翠那更美呢。翠翠说男娃像你好，厚厚实实的。卞德仁问翠翠想要女娃还是男娃，翠翠说男娃女娃她都想，反问德仁哥呢？卞德仁说他和她一样。翠翠又说，以后还会生，一定男娃女娃都会有。卞德仁说：那是。然后他们又扯远了，说是女娃将来嫁就嫁像她爹这样善心的；是男娃娶就娶像他娘这样又俊又好的。闲的远的扯罢，他们才说到了最紧要的话题，就是孩子叫啥名。这分两个方向走，一个是给男娃的，一个是对女娃的。说了几个都是不合意，听着没来意。他们要起个有来意、有出处的名，要留下纪念的。纪念沿着他们的经历、磨难开始了。 想着，卞德仁兴奋地说：女娃的名字有了，叫银翠！“银”字是代表我买你的那块银元呢，翠就是取下了一个你的“翠”字。这来意多好！ 翠翠露出笑，说：名好听，又有来意，好啊。 卞德仁眨巴了下眼睛，想到说：“银”和女人的“阴”同音，更相配呢！ 翠翠不住点头称是。临了，问：那，是男娃叫啥呢？ 卞德仁想了想，又是一机灵，说：女娃带“银”，男娃就带“金”，金银相列，多好哪！想了下说：“金”字配啥都好，第一个男娃就配锁吧。叫“金锁”。 翠翠说：好是好，就是没来意了。 卞德仁说：咋没来意，“金”是从“银”里引来的，这就是来意哪。 翠翠忙点头说：是，是，我脑子笨，不会转弯呢。 临了，卞德仁和翠翠敲定，以后他们生的女娃都带个“银”字，男娃都带个“金”字。翠翠说：好，以后的名就好起了。 憧憬之外，为将来的孩子，他们还要做些实际的准备。翠翠没有丝毫的经验，她就去请教邻居的大嫂、大婶、大妈。在她们的指点下，她将不穿的破旧褂子，用剪刀裁出不同的布块，能做小孩衣服的留下做衣服，做尿布的做尿布，做鞋褙的做鞋褙。同时，她也就学会了做衣服、糊鞋褙。做的衣服、糊的鞋褙，大小好些都是够三四岁小孩子用的。翠翠说：大点不吃亏，早晚用得上。 民国二十年的初春，还不满十八岁的侯翠翠在自己屋中，痛苦而顺利地生出了一个女婴，取名“卞银翠”。只从孩子那圆圆的眼睛，双双的眼皮上，卞德仁就知道孩子是像了她娘。他喜悦和感激的泪水抑制不住地滴到了翠翠和孩子的脸上；孩子哭，他在笑。但是，翠翠却怎么都出不来奶水，孩子委屈的哭声日日不息，卞德仁也再露不出了笑脸。听了邻人的，他买来了能下奶水的猪蹄，炖了一锅又一锅，翠翠喝了一碗又一碗，她的乳头，卞德仁吸了一口又一口，还是不见那白色的乳汁。郎中说，还是她生育年龄小影响的。只好，他们又去求助于邻居的大嫂、大婶、大妈。大嫂、大婶、大妈不是都有奶水的，有的，她们还要哺育自己的孩子。但是，她们是尽自己的力，能给银翠分上一口，就分上一口。吃不上的时候，翠翠就给她喂白面糊糊，玉米面糊糊，糊糊里面加了撵碎的熟鸡蛋黄和白糖，银翠吃得很满足，也就不哭着要吃奶了。鸡蛋和白糖很贵，是卞德仁和翠翠平日里根本舍不得买上吃的，为了孩子，就舍得了。邻居们说：这么花舍着给银翠吃，也还是不如吃亲娘的奶水呢。翠翠叹口气，无奈地说：只能这么了。 有了孩子，他们的花销就显紧了。卞德仁就想多挣一些钱，他每天下了工又去四处走动，想寻找些散活儿干。每天回到家，天已黑了。回到家，他能替换翠翠抱孩子一会儿，就替换一会儿。翠翠尽量叫他歇着，说：你做了一天的工，好生歇着吧。他就说：你在家抱娃也不轻省哪，我不累。虽这么说，可上了床，他就浑身软得动不了，连抱一下翠翠的劲儿和欲望都没有了，没一会儿就起了鼾声。为孩子为家辛劳，他是心甘情愿，无怨无悔，孩子驮着他们的未来呢。 五月的一天，卞德仁看到路边布告上招人去东边建飞机场，每月给的工钱比他在医院要多一点，而且是管吃住的,就报了名。东边虽说离家远一点，但毕竟还在一个城，翠翠想，丈夫还是经常能回来看看的，就同意了卞德仁去。谁曾想，建工队将他们干活儿的人当牛马一样使，中间没有假日，直到春节才放了两天假，卞德仁才回家见了分别了七个多月的翠翠和孩子。一岁的银翠已经能够咿呀叫爹和娘了。那样子长开出来，越发像翠翠了，卞德仁喜欢得不得了。这次一聚，播种下了他们的第二个娃。等来年的春节再回来，第二个娃已经两个月大了。而两岁的银翠能跑能蹦能说了，她忽闪着大眼睛，看着卞德仁，时不时甜甜地叫一声“爹”，一点也不羞涩。卞德仁抱着她，问她为啥不怕他？她露出和翠翠一样的小酒窝，指着翠翠，奶声奶气地说：娘教的，娘说你好，你就好。卞德仁喜欢得不得了。 第二个娃是男娃，名就叫他们以前起好的“金锁”。卞金锁的样儿九成长得像了卞德仁，男娃气十足，虎头虎脑的。卞德仁看金锁像看到了自己的小时候，激动得不得了。他对翠翠感慨说：有儿有女，老天爷对咱不薄啊！我是啥嘛，老天爷这么待我，真是福分哩！翠翠笑说：是你“人好”的应报哪。 由于侯翠翠生过金锁的身子还没恢复彻底，他们的两天相聚没有房事。年中的时候，工地破天荒地放了两天假，卞德仁辛苦地奔回家，与妻儿团圆了一天。这一天，又播下了第三个孩子的种。等春节卞德仁回来的时候，翠翠的肚子已经挺大了。看着翠翠挺着大肚子带着两个孩子，不易得很。卞德仁就决定辞掉飞机场那边的工，守在妻儿跟前，好有个照应。他在西北旱码头附近找了份搬运工的活儿。为了回家方便，他们在西北旱码头附近租了间房子，家搬到了那儿。穷人家，没有什么东西，家搬起来容易得很。 其实，侯翠翠带着银翠和金锁，是比卞德仁想象得轻省一些。银翠三岁，却是个小大人似的，懂事、乖巧，不仅让翠翠省心，还能够帮上她的忙，有时是能顶一把手的：翠翠将一岁半的金锁放到床上，银翠就可以看好他了；她会帮娘端水端饭，拿这拿那，择菜、洗菜，有时看着娘累了，说要为她捶捶背，展开小胳膊，握的小拳头在翠翠的背上，噼里啪啦地捶了起来，还真叫翠翠身子有些了舒展。她白天给娘捶，晚上就给爹捶，还说：爹，我长大了，去帮你做工，你在家歇着。每次卞德仁和侯翠翠听到她懂事的细语甜言，感慨地说：我们前辈子造了啥福，生了个这么好的娃！ 但是，他们却不能看到银翠长大了。生下老三卞金利后的四个月，在民国二十三年的秋天，银翠因为肺炎而夭折。那一天，翠翠的哭是撕心裂肺的，声音飘荡在医院的上空，凄楚、悲绝、荒痛。她捶胸顿足地说：银翠啊，娘给你缝的衣服，做的鞋子，你还没穿完哪！ 第二年开春，侯翠翠又怀上了第四个孩子。翠翠肚子里的第四个孩子寄托着他们对银翠的思念和盼望，盼望的，也是梦想的。然而，厄运再一次来临，在翠翠怀胎七个月的时候，却赶上了一场灾难，一日，日本的飞机向旱码头一带投下了几枚炸弹。侯翠翠和卞德仁、孩子们是幸运了，没有丢命，没有被炸残疾。但是，她流产了，她被送进医院时，昏迷不醒。等她醒来时，发现自己的肚子已经瘪了下去。医生说，她流产了，孩子出来的时候，已经死了。她怔怔地问，是女娃还是男娃？大夫说：是女孩。她“哇”的一声就哭了，声音穿透了整个医院。这之后的几天，侯翠翠心痛得麻木了，每天总是呆愣愣的一副神情，卞德仁就安慰她说：是她的命硬保了全家，他们已经是万幸了。腹中的娃没有来到世上，就等于没活过，去就去了吧。他们好好的，有日子，他们就一定还会怀上女娃的。 伤痛之后，他们离开了伤痛之地。离开了码头，卞德仁只得重谋生路。一时找不到“稳定”活计，他就去干散活儿，之后，修铁路要人，他就去修铁路了。 那次的流产，对侯翠翠的身体和心灵的伤害都是巨大的。她和卞德仁三年多没有房事。当心灵和身体逐步恢复后，他们才恢复了久违的“私”生活。但是，过了两年，也没见翠翠怀孕。他们以为是翠翠的身体因为那次流产“毁”了受孕功能，就想，后面生不生也罢，有两个儿子也够了。但是，在1945年，翠翠三十岁的时候，她怀孕了。对那失去的两个女儿的期望，化在了这肚里一个孩子的身上，他们多么希望怀的是个女娃，和银翠一模一样的女娃。是女娃，也叫银翠。生下来，不是，是男娃。好在，这男娃长得像了翠翠，也就很像银翠。总算对他们有了点安慰。但平静下来，他们想，男娃长得漂亮了就女子化了，为了让这漂亮的男娃“男”劲足一些，他们给他取名“卞金武”。 生罢金武，抗战胜利了，想想日子过得多长了？他们以为他们可能不会再怀孩子了。结果翠翠又怀了，他们盼望女娃的心又被调度了起来。生了，还是个男娃。他们无奈得没说的了。孩子是在建立新中国后的一个月生的，日子倒不错，他们就给孩子取名“卞金国”。这次之后，侯翠翠就上了四十岁，他们就想，他们是真的不可能再怀孩子了。盼女娃的心也就彻底地死了。谈不上遗憾，他们心里却空落得很，没有女娃，他们的心像被什么带去了一部分。但是，他们却相互安慰。 卞德仁说：这是命叫我好好待你呢，不然，女儿像你，我就分心待你哩。 侯翠翠说：女娃家，早晚要出嫁，接不上你的劲呢。男娃是个天，男娃多了，就能替换你了，不叫你一个人挣钱受累啊。 说罢，侯翠翠叹口气，说：看来，这代是阴弱，没有女娃，就把“银”字留给下代女子吧。卞德仁点点头，露出笑容说：想得好，这叫我想的“银”字没白想哪！ 后来，卞德仁被政府安排进毛纺厂做锅炉工，鉴于他在兰州待了二十多年，又参加过建机场、修铁路，对兰州建设做了贡献，破格转正他为正式工，接着给他和侯翠翠、四个孩子都上了户口，他们这才成了兰州的正式居民。毛纺厂给卞德仁分了房子，房子是平房，除去厨房只有两间，每一间只有八九平方米大，他和翠翠住一间，孩子们住一间，四个男娃，全都睡一张床上。卞德仁和翠翠打趣说：多亏了都是男娃，要不，娃们睡觉都不好安置呢。 当他们不再提想女娃的时候，快到了更年期的侯翠翠奇迹般地又怀孕了，他们忘了房子够不够住，管它够不够住，那想女娃的心再次浮出水面，他们想，轮也该轮到生个女娃了吧。却不是。 护士说：虽然他们孩子生得多，但四十四岁的女人能生出一个健康的孩子，他们应该感到光荣。卞德仁、侯翠翠便给孩子起名“卞金荣”。在他们心里，光荣的意义还有另一种层面，就是他们是独独地走到一起，在日移月动的转向中，在艰难困苦的跋涉中，他们活着，身边围绕了五个生命，蓦然回首，仿佛那是老天爷赐予的，不是他们生的，他们便有一种说不出的感激与荣耀。如果那两个女儿再活下，他们是何等地完满啊！