Chapter 6 5
You are very talented and talented, but you were born at the wrong time and cannot be used.You can't look down on yourself, and you have to believe that 'I am born with a talent that will be useful', and one day, your talent will be recognized by the society.
Your parents have suffered some unjust injustice, it is not their fault, you should not feel that you are inferior because you were born in such a family, they did not do anything shameful.Thirty years in Hedong, forty years in Hexi, people who are looked down upon today may be the most popular people tomorrow, so there is no need to feel inferior because of these things imposed by society.
I know you don't like me asking about your work, but I still want to say, don't do things that are too heavy and dangerous.If something happened, my mother would be so sad.Don't try to push yourself in physical labor, don't force yourself to move things you can't move, and don't force yourself to drag a car you can't drag.The body is the capital of the revolution. If the body is exhausted, nothing can be done.
You ignore me, and I don't blame you.You are a smart person, if you don't want to talk to me, you must have your reasons.If you don't want to tell me why, you must have your reasons.I will not force you to tell me, when you are willing to tell me, then tell me.
The past few months I have known you have been very pleasant and fulfilling.You bring me a lot of happiness that I have never experienced, and I cherish it.In the past few months, if I have done something wrong, or if you don't like it, I hope you will forgive me. "
The day I left was a Sunday, and the people from the teaching reform team set off at 7:30.At first, Jingqiu was afraid that the people in the teaching reformation would criticize her for leading Duanfang and Duanlin. In the end, the several leaders all praised Jingqiu, saying that this time you really got along with the poor and lower-middle peasants and formed a deep bond. Proletarian sentiments are gone.
Duanlin was carrying a large bag of walnuts, and he helped Jingqiu with things, and Duanfang also helped the two girls with things.Everyone was talking and laughing, very lively.The strange thing is that when I came here, it seemed that this mountain road was very long, with no end in sight.When I went back, I didn't know whether the road was familiar or I was going home soon. It seemed that I came to the hawthorn tree in a short time.
It was the end of April and the tree hadn't bloomed yet.
Jingqiu was getting hot, and when everyone was resting under the hawthorn tree, she hid aside to take off her sweaters.Taking it off and taking it off, I remembered the scene of walking this distance with the third child that day. She also hid aside to take off her sweater, and he stood obediently not far away, with his back to her, until she said, "Okay." ’” he turned around.She looked at the place where he stood last time for a long time, not knowing what it was like.
When she got home, Jingqiu found that her mother was ill again, lying on the bed, her face was terribly pale.My younger sister was chopping firewood on a big rock in front of the school cafeteria, trying to split a bent stick and shorten it to make a match.
Jingqiu felt distressed, so she hurried over, took the ax from her younger sister, chopped it herself, and asked her to smash the walnuts for her mother to eat.
Duanfang said to Duanlin, "Second brother, why don't you help chop firewood?" As if waking up from a dream, Duanlin took the ax from Jingqiu's hand and started chopping.
At that time, everyone was burning coal, and the firewood was planned to be supplied, fifteen catties a month, and it would be gone when it was used up, so many people's coal stoves did not turn off, and they only used thinly adjusted coal to seal the fire. Open it the next day and continue to burn.Yesterday, the fire might have been unsealed and extinguished, and Jingqiu ran out of the firewood he chopped last time, so my sister was struggling to find a way to make a fire. Fortunately, my sister came back, otherwise I might not even be able to eat today.
In one go, Duanlin split all the remaining matches in Jingqiu's house, shortened them, and put them there for later use.Duanfang laughed at Jingqiu's house, the firewood burned was so short, only about three inches, if it was at her house, a whole stick would be stuffed into the stove.
Duanlin heard from Jingqiu that there were only three or five sticks each month, and it would take a month, so he promised to bring back some firewood from home when he came next time.
The coal stove was ready, but the fire couldn't be turned on for a while, so Jingqiu had to take a fan and fan it fiercely, wanting to cook the meal quickly, Duanlin and the others could go for a walk in the city after eating, otherwise they would have to wait until the meal was over. It's time to go back by car.Duanfang wanted to help with the cooking, but she couldn't find Jingqiu's cupboard and chopping board after searching, so she asked curiously, "Your house doesn't have a cupboard?"
Jingqiu said, "Our family has nothing."
Jingqiu’s house really has nothing, the walls are bare, the desks are old school desks, the stools are old stools used by students, and the bed is a school bench with a few wooden boards on it.The sheets and quilts on the bed were washed clean, but they were all mended.The bowl for eating is placed in an old washbasin, and the cutting board is a modified tabletop.
Duan Lin groaned for a long time, and said, "How is your family poorer than—our family in the mountains?"
Duanfang glared at Duanlin, but Duanlin didn't dare to say anything more.
After finally cooking a meal, several people sat down to eat.Jingqiu's house is just a suite, with two rooms inside and outside, a total of fourteen square meters, separated by a classroom.In the past, her brother lived in the outer room, and she lived in the inner room with her mother and younger sister.Now that her brother has gone to the countryside, she lives in the outer room, her mother and younger sister live in the inner room, and eats in the room where she lives.
While eating, a gust of wind blew, and some dirty things fell from Jingqiu's house like black snow. Jingqiu said "bad", and hurriedly found a newspaper to cover the food on the table, and asked everyone to cover their bowls .Everyone found that some black ash had fallen into their bowls. Duanfang asked what these black flakes were, and Jingqiu told her that they were chaff ash floating from the school cafeteria opposite.
The canteen of No. 8 Middle School in K City burns rice husks, and the burned rice husks always come out of the chimney, like black snowflakes.The house Jingqiu lived in had no ceiling, and when there was a gust of wind, chaff ash floated in through the cracks in the tiles.In the past, there were two families living next door to her. For this reason, they both asked the school to re-allocate the housing and moved to another place.But because of those family problems, Jingqiu's mother was treated differently by the school, so she was not assigned another house, so she had to live here.
Jingqiu was in a state of distress, unexpectedly, the two brothers and sisters of Duanfang saw all the predicament at home.But she was a little lucky, fortunately, it wasn't the third child who came today.Otherwise, seeing this situation, the third child, who is used to being in a cadre's family, would run away without turning around?It would be better to call her dead.
After dinner, Jingqiu sent the two brothers and sisters Duanfang to the city. It was almost four o'clock in the afternoon before they had time to go shopping. The three hurried to the long-distance station and bought tickets for the last bus. I went home.Jingqiu felt ashamed. The two brothers and sisters spent the fare money, which was equivalent to helping her bring the walnuts back.
When she got home, Jingqiu came to organize her things, and was surprised to find that the money she returned to the third child had been stuffed into the military bag by someone.She tried to think about everything after she paid back the money, and couldn't figure out how he had the opportunity to put the money there.Could it be that he was actually following her today?If so, then he might have stuffed the money in the bag when she was taking off her sweater, because she hung the bag on a tree not far from her.But how could he keep following without making a sound?
Now Duanfang and the others have gone back, otherwise they can ask her to bring the money to the third child.She decided to return the money to Master Li and Principal Chen first tomorrow, and then find a way to return the money to the third child.I don't know why, but I feel a little happy when I think of paying back the money to the third child in the future, as if this has planted a kindling to see the third child again.
She also thought of the letter from the third child and the poem he wrote in her notebook, all of which had to be dealt with, otherwise, mother would have to worry if she saw it, and it would be even worse if others saw it. It is possible to cause a murder.
She read Lao San's letter several times, but she still didn't quite understand what kind of letter Lao San's letter was.It's a bit like a summary, but it doesn't say "review the past and look forward to the future" like a general summary, saying that the two of us will "make persistent efforts" in the future, or say "our friendship will last forever".It's kind of like putting an end to those months, and the central idea is "those months were good, but they're in the past".
Jingqiu's reading comprehension is recognized to be very strong. She is the pen writer in the class, and the teacher always asks her to be a "publicity committee member", a cadre who is responsible for running the magazine.At that time, each class had to take turns to run the kind of wall newspaper written with a brush on a large piece of paper. Sometimes it was to criticize a certain person or idea, and sometimes it was to report the situation of the students in the class who were studying workers, farmers, and soldiers.Jingqiu can write and draw, and can write with brushes, pads, large characters, and small characters. She can often create a whole wall of posters by herself.
The Chinese teacher admired Jingqiu's writing style very much, especially the teacher Luo, who said that Jingqiu was "brilliant", and took her composition to read every time in class, and recommended her composition to the Municipal Education Bureau for compilation into <City Selected Excellent Compositions for Primary and Middle School Students>>.The school held two composition competitions, and Jingqiu won the first place in both of them, and she is very famous in No. 8 Middle School of K City.
Teacher Luo taught composition in two classes, and almost one and a half classes were reviewed by Jingqiu, because Teacher Luo was too lazy to read those "nonsensical" compositions.Every time a student handed in a composition, Teacher Luo would pick out more than a dozen books that he could read, and the rest would be given to Jing Qiu to correct typos, clear up sentences, and ask her to just give her a score.
Jingqiu's classmates, including male classmates, got something they didn't understand, even if it was a love letter or a rejection letter, they asked Jingqiu to help them read it. It is also because the teacher said that Jingqiu "has a strong comprehension ability", grasps the central idea of the article accurately, and can understand even the twists and turns of the sentence.
Jingqiu doesn't quite understand why those people call "love letters" "love letters", maybe because a few thin sheets of paper are not considered "books".
But a person like Jingqiu with "good reading ability" didn't understand what the central idea of the third "composition" was, and he was a little uncertain whether it was a "love letter" or a letter of renunciation.
Almost all the break-up letters she read started with "The wind and rain send spring back, and the snow welcomes spring". I don't know who came up with it. Anyway, all the break-up letters love to use it, probably because of the change of seasons. It is a metaphor for the transformation of emotions.
Jingqiu also read some "love letters".Written by mischievous and uneducated boys, they almost always ask directly: "Would you like to play with me as friends?" "Would you like to be my horse?".
Once, because a classmate was going to be punished, Jingqiu was called to sort out the materials. Jingqiu saw a "love letter" that was said to be very pornographic. Combining these words, it is a very yellow sentence, which means that a woman's something "smells so good".But Jingqiu spent a long time combining them, and looked up the dictionary, but she still didn't understand what dirty words can be combined with "Mao" and "fei".
Most of the relatively high-level "love letters" she has seen quoted quotations or poems from Chairman Mao.The most popular one at that time was "When the mountain flowers are in full bloom, she is laughing from it".It is said that boys like this sentence because there is a "she" in it.Jingqiu remembered that there was a boy who didn't figure it out. When he wrote the love letter, he wrote "she screamed among the worms". Fortunately, after the boy wrote it, he asked Jingqiu to check it out and check it off.When Jingqiu saw it, her stomach ached from laughing, so she corrected this sentence for him and explained it to him for a long time.
The boy suddenly realized, and said: "I was also wondering how Chairman Mao would write about a woman screaming in a pile of bugs."
The highest-level and most ambiguous "love letter" that Jingqiu has ever seen was shown to her by a female companion, You Lan, who had already left the countryside. The author was a boy in the same class whom You Lan admired. Zuo Hong, there is a sentence written on the title page: "Beautiful flowers bloom for warriors".
This really stumped Jingqiu, not sure if it counts as a "love letter", it seems to be a universal feeling, not just referring to You Lan and that boy.But Zuo Hong soon discovered that the boy had a girlfriend, so there was no need to continue the interpretation of this sentence. This was almost the only blemish in the history of Jingqiu's "deciphering".
The letter from the third child obviously cannot be counted as a "love letter", because there is no "she laughs in the bush" throughout the text, nor does it ask "Would you like to play friends with me", let alone "Can our relationship be good?" Going further than gay relationships."The address for her is "Jingqiu", without omitting her surname, and without adding "dear".The inscription omits "Sun", and only "Jianxin" remains, which reads a bit gross, but it's not too gross, because it's quite common for a three-character name to omit a surname, and everyone can usually It's called that, but if you omit one more word, it would be "the wolf's ambition is clearly revealed".
So Jingqiu thinks that this letter is mostly a summary report, a bit like the song <<Sailing the Sea depends on the Helmsman>> sung at the end of every meeting. As long as you hear this song, you know that the meeting is coming to an end.
Jingqiu recalled that when she was very young, she went to a teahouse with her father to listen to a storyteller. The storyteller liked to slap a gavel and said: "Two flowers bloom, each represents a branch". . .
Maybe the third child also uses this narrative method. The part between him and her is just a branch. He has finished expressing this one now, so he will close it and go back to express another branch.
Jingqiu decided not to reply to the letter. After writing the reply, the black words fell on the white paper. Even if it was a letter criticizing him, he could chop off the head and tail, take the meaning out of context, and bluff.Everyone in that era knew how terrible the "literary prison" was.
If the letter of the third child is seen by others, it may not be pursued as a "love letter", but it can be criticized as a reactionary speech."Thirty years in Hedong, forty years in Hexi", this is completely the tone of class enemies who want to change the world.There are also such things as "born at the wrong time", "your parents have suffered innocent injustice", etc., all of which are dissatisfied with the real society and extremely reactionary.If anyone sees it, the third child will be finished, and she must be finished as an accomplice in harboring and spreading reactionary speeches.
In recent years, the current counter-revolutionaries have been caught very fiercely, and any "three evil speeches" that are anti-Party, anti-people, and anti-socialism have been suppressed with an iron fist."Anti-standard" (reactionary slogans) sometimes appeared in No. 8 Middle School. As soon as they appeared, the school was shrouded in an atmosphere of panic, and everyone was in danger.
I remember one time, when Jingqiu was playing ball on the playground, suddenly the school’s tweeter sounded, telling everyone to gather in the playground and not to be late.When everyone arrived at the big playground, a few people in police uniforms appeared on the high platform in front of the playground, and announced through the loudspeaker that they had just discovered a "anti-standard" at school, and then emphasized the seriousness of the matter. After explaining the serious consequences of writing "anti-standard", I asked everyone to go back to the classroom to check the handwriting.
This is what Jingqiu is most afraid of. She always holds a pen and stares blankly at the blank piece of paper just handed out in front of her, terrified and afraid to write.What if my handwriting happens to be the same as the "reverse mark" handwriting?With a family background like mine, can you still explain clearly?But how can you guarantee that your handwriting is not the same as the reversed handwriting?There are many people with the same handwriting in the world.So change to another font?But what if the changed font happens to be the same as the "reverse mark" font?Isn't that self-defeating?
Jingqiu didn't know the specific content of the "reverse bid", but she could infer some from what the people in the Public Security Bureau told them to write.At that time, they were mostly asked to write "Long live Chairman Mao", "Down with Liu Shaoqi", etc., so she speculated that the content of "anti-standard" was composed of these words.Once, a student accidentally got the name of the person behind "down" wrong, so he was arrested by the police as "active".It's too "current". While checking for "reverse mark", a "reverse mark" appeared at the same time.The student was taken away on the spot. I only remember that his face was pale, and he didn't even know how to say wrong.
Jingqiu hated those who wrote "anti-standard" from the bottom of her heart, so what's the use of writing like this?You write happily, and others suffer after you.Every time she checks the "reverse mark" and checks her handwriting, Jing Qiu feels that her brain cells must be scared to death.
Once, the "reverse bid" actually appeared in the classroom of Jingqiu's class, and she happened to publish the class's blackboard newspaper on the small blackboard outside the classroom that day.Before I finished writing, I heard the school tweeter telling everyone to go to the big playground.Then I heard the announcement that there was a "reverse bid", and pointed out the location of the accident, saying it was on the blackboard of Class One, Senior One.
When Jing Qiu heard this, she almost fainted from fright. Could it be that she accidentally wrote something wrong when she ran the blackboard newspaper?Later, everyone in their class was driven to another classroom, and everyone wrote the prescribed sentences on a piece of white paper.
The active counter-revolutionary was caught very quickly that time. It was a silly boy in Jingqiu's class named Tu Weiwei.He had nothing to do after school, so he took a piece of chalk to write and draw on the blackboard in the classroom, and wrote a quotation from Chairman Mao: "Never forget class struggle."Unexpectedly, he was not careful enough and forgot the word "forget", and the quotation became "Never let class struggle".
Unfortunately, his family's status is not good, and his father is a rich peasant. Now, things get complicated.No matter how he declared that he wrote down these two words, no one believed it.There are more than two words in this sentence, why didn't you forget other words, why did you forget these two key words?Tu Baowei was arrested on the spot, and Jing Qiu didn't know what happened afterwards.
Jingqiu thought and thought, but she was still reluctant to tear up the letter from the third child.She just tore off the title of the survey team printed on the letter paper, tore off her own name and the name of the third child, and threw it into the toilet.Then, she found a piece of cloth, stuck it inside the padded jacket to make a pocket-like thing, put the third letter and poems in it, and sewed the mouth shut with thread.Her needlework is excellent, and she uses a hidden needle. If you don't look carefully, it's hard to see that there is a piece of cloth stuck there.
On the second day after Jingqiu returned to K City, she began to attend classes with her class.However, the students at that time spent most of their time out of the classroom and into the society, studying engineering, agriculture, military, and medicine. Anyway, they could learn everything except book knowledge. So soon after Jingqiu came back, she It was the turn of the class to study medicine.
Most of the students in the class went to Guanlin Town in D County under the leadership of the class teacher. There was a branch of the military hospital there. The students lived in the nearby farmers' homes and studied medicine in the military hospital.Jingqiu stayed in K City with a few classmates who had special difficulties because her family had no money and couldn't pay travel expenses and food expenses, and was forced to study medicine in several hospitals in K City.
The school felt that the students Jingqiu and the others who stayed in K City did not reach the level of hardship of going to the countryside, which was not good for their growth, so they sent Director Zheng, the teaching director of the No. 8 Middle School Attached to K City, to lead them to learn Chinese medicine.
Director Zheng's home is in a small mountain village called Fujiachong under the Yanjia River.Director Zheng's father is the "barefoot doctor" of the production team, and Director Zheng has also learned some techniques such as acupuncture and cupping, which is more than enough to teach Jing Qiu and the others.
Now Jingqiu and the others are very busy. At that time, the weekend was only Sunday.From Monday to Saturday, Jingqiu will go to the hospital to study medicine, commute to get off work like the nurses in the hospital, and learn acupuncture and cupping from Director Zheng on Sunday.From time to time, I have to go to nearby counties to dig herbs and treat diseases for poor and lower-middle peasants, and I am very busy.
When I went to the countryside to dig herbs, and walked on those country lanes, especially when the twilight was dark and the smoke was rising, Jingqiu would think of those days spent in Xicunping, and the scene of seeing the third child for the first time, There will be an inexplicable sadness in my heart, and there will often be a feeling of wanting to cry.
Often on such days, she would hide under the quilt at night, open the hidden pocket on the lining of the cotton coat, and read the letter sewn inside.Most of the time, it was just to read the third child's handwriting, because she had already memorized the content of the letter.
From the very beginning, she liked to read his handwriting, his handwriting had his unique style, and his signature was especially lovely. The "new" character was written in just two strokes.The dot above is one stroke, and the rest of the strokes are all written in one stroke.She secretly imitated his handwriting, and copied the village history he wrote for her back and forth, to the point where the fake ones could be confused with the real ones.
At that time there was a song called "Reading Chairman Mao's Books", in which it sang: "Chairman Mao's books are my favorite to read, and I have to work hard thousands of times; (Son) It’s hot inside. Hey, it seems that there was a timely rain in the dry land, (616122), and the little seedlings are covered with dewdrops (616122). Chairman Mao --- the thought of armed me Haha, I am full of revolutionary energy."
These two 616122 are two interludes, but usually there is no accompaniment for singing, and everyone sings with mouth.Over time, this 616122 must be sung as "Ladorado come here" in order to sing that feeling.
Jingqiu used to sing this song, which can be said to be "little monk chanting scriptures --- with mouth but no heart", but now after reading the letter from the third child, she can truly understand the feeling described in the song. Of course she knows that this is tantamount to comparing the third child Being Chairman Mao was naturally extremely reactionary, but the more she read the third letter, the more she loved it.She slowly realized the profound truth, and felt warm in her heart.
For example, he wants her to believe that "I am born to be useful", as if she is very talented, and as if having it is a good thing.She used to be very nervous when she heard people say that she is "talented", because saying you are "talented" probably means that you are "walking the white road", only professional but not popular.As we all know, when a satellite is in the sky, the red flag is about to fall to the ground, so the Baizhuan people must be defeated.
But when Jingqiu heard these words from the mouth of the third child, it was very useful. Maybe it's not a bad thing to be talented?Maybe one day, she was going to take the university entrance examination again, and she passed the entrance examination all at once, and became a college student, that would be great!
In that letter, her favorite sentence was "Tell me when you are willing to tell me." I didn't pay much attention to this sentence when I read it at the time, but when I read it now, I feel as if he is still waiting for her. , because he wanted her to tell him, and he was waiting for her to tell him.
Thinking of this, she really wanted to go to Xicunping to see the hawthorn flowers, maybe she could meet him at the aunt's house, maybe he would accompany her to see the hawthorn flowers, and she would tell him why he was angry, and he would explain to her, saying He doesn't have a fiancee, it's his sister-in-law's mistake.
But it was an era when an apprentice's monthly salary was only 18 yuan. To spend five or six yuan to see hawthorn flowers was simply outrageous for a poor person like her.Besides, there was no time.Besides, he himself said that he had promised to marry the daughter of his father's boss.Besides, he held the girl's hand.
On a Sunday at the end of May, the weather was fine. Jingqiu got up early and wanted to wash the sheets at home. In the afternoon, she had to learn acupuncture from Director Zheng.As soon as she opened the door, she found several little boys running away from her house.She didn't bother to chase, because there was nothing to steal, take or destroy in front of her house, at most she would sneak away a few pairs of old shoes from an old desk in front of her house.If those shoes were not extremely old, she would not be willing to leave them outside the door.
She glanced at the old desk and couldn't help being surprised. There was a glass vase on the table, and there was a bunch of flowers in it, red and green leaves.The bottle has been poured on the desk, and the water inside is dripping out.A branch of flower had already been pulled out of the bottle and thrown on the ground. It was probably done by those children just now.Maybe they saw this bunch of flowers and wanted to steal one, but she came out as soon as they pulled it out, so they threw the flowers and ran away.
She was stunned for a moment, and realized that this might be the hawthorn flower. She had seen peach blossoms, plum blossoms, and azaleas, but none of them were the same.That is to say, the third child came here today and brought her hawthorn flowers.
Maybe these days, the third child was waiting for her to go to Xicunping to see the hawthorn flowers, but she didn't go, so he picked some hawthorn flowers himself and sent them to her home.But how would he know where her family lived?She remembered what he said when she first met him: "I want to tell you, there is always a way." It seems that he used to be a scout.
Her heart was beating wildly, not sure if it was excitement or what.She filled the glass bottle with water, put the flowers in place, put them on the small desk next to her bed, stared at the flowers for a long time, and felt sweet in her heart: He still remembers me, and remembers that I want to see hawthorn Flowers, he ran such a long way just to bring me hawthorn flowers.
After being sweet for a while, she thought of a very serious question: would he have left a letter beside the flowers at the same time?Ordinarily he should put something to show his identity, right?You can't just put a bouquet of flowers and leave like this.If he put a letter, where did the letter go?
The front of her house is like Jiefang Road in the city, it is the busiest place in the school.There are only two water taps in the whole school, both of which are next to Jingqiu’s house. Opposite her is the back door of the school cafeteria. People who go to the cafeteria to fetch water and meals have to pass through there, and those who go to the water pipes to wash clothes, wash vegetables, and carry cold water People can see the table at the door of her house at a glance.
She shuddered, remembering an incident that had happened once.At that time, the person living next door to her house was her junior high school class teacher named Yan Ri, who graduated from L Normal University. I heard that in the early days of the Cultural Revolution, he was a very active rebel faction in L Normal University, and he was very good at punishing people.Later, the rebels fell out of favor, and he was assigned to the relatively remote No. 8 Middle School in K City.But his enthusiasm for rebellion has not diminished in the slightest, and he has always actively participated in the pranking of people.
Yan Ri teaches mathematics, and he admires Jingqiu's mathematics ability, but he is also very nosy, especially about the relationship between men and women. He often gets some students out of the class, organizes the materials, and sends them to the school , Let those students be punished.He was the one who found out the student who wrote the love letter "Mao Fei Girl Qianba Days" and sent it to the school for punishment.
His meddling almost made Jingqiu miserable.When Jingqiu was in elementary school, there was a classmate named Zhang Keli. He was dark and thin, but his grades were not bad.Both parents work in K City Shipyard, and my mother is a petty official.At that time, the shipyard built its own primary school for children, and transferred all the children of the shipyard to the shipyard school.Zhang Keli and Jingqiu have not been in the same school since the beginning of their relationship.
I don't know when, this Zhang Keli began to write love letters to Jing Qiu. He wrote good handwriting, and the writing was very fluent, but Jing Qiu hated him very much, and I don't know why.She warned him several times, but he still didn't listen, as written.
One day, Zhang Keli put the letter in an old shoe in front of Jingqiu's house, because he was going to come here before the class at Shipyard Middle School, so he came early, and no one in Jingqiu's house was up yet.The teacher Yan next door got up early, saw the letter, took it away without authorization, and opened it to read it without hesitation.
The letter first talked about the current international and domestic situation is very good, then talked about the situation in our province and city is also very good, and then talked about the situation of our school and class is still very good.In this way, after one pass, two or three pages were used up.But that was the way it was written at the time, and no one can escape it.At the end of the letter, I only wrote that I admire Jing Qiu's talent, a little pity for gorilla, and it means that a hero knows a hero.Of course, I didn't forget to ask Jingqiu if she would like to be friends with him in the end.
Probably even people like Teacher Yan saw that Jingqiu was not responsible for this, so Teacher Yan handed the letter to Jingqiu's mother, asking Jingqiu's mother to talk to Jingqiu, and must teach Jingqiu to study hard, Don't wander off in thought.Teacher Yan also expressed his merits, saying that fortunately, I saw it. If someone else saw it, I don’t know how it will be passed on.
Jingqiu saw the letter later, thank God, Zhang Keli didn't make up a little bit of their love history, otherwise there would be an uproar.But Jingqiu's mother was frightened to death, so she had to bring out the old adage that "one misstep will cause eternal hatred" and told Jingqiu several times.
For people like Zhang Keli, Jingqiu hates people like Zhang Keli, but she is not particularly afraid, because they can't say anything about her, she has a clear conscience, and she has never talked to them, let alone done anything.
But for the third child, Jing Qiu has no such confidence.The more she thought about it, the more frightened she became. The third child must have written the letter.For a "well-written" person like him, he has to write a letter within a short time when he goes back to get a bag. Will he write a letter this time?Maybe he even put the letter and flowers on this table, and someone passing by saw the letter and flowers, took the letter away insidiously, and left the flowers here.
Jingqiu ran to find those children anxiously, but they all said that they didn't see any letter, they just wanted to play with the flowers, and they didn't know anything else.When asked where they saw who put the flowers, they also said they didn't know.I asked them if they saw anyone else when they went, and they said they didn't.
Jingqiu's sweet mood just now was blown away, and she began to think about this matter like crazy.If the third child wrote a letter, what would he write?If he only said that he was chasing her, she would not be so scared, and it shouldn't be a crime to be chased.But she was sure that the third child would not write like that, he would definitely write about the things between them.For example: "Do you still remember that day when we were on the mountain, you asked me to hold your hand, and I held you in my arms..."
If someone like Yan Ri gets such a letter, her life will be over, and she will definitely be criticized as an undecent person, which will not only ruin her life, but also implicate her mother and sister .It will be even worse if the third child writes the same reactionary remarks as last time.
Thinking about it this way, she didn't even dare to keep the bouquet of flowers, as if with that bouquet of flowers, others could follow the vines to find her head.She quickly cut up the flower and threw it into the toilet. The glass bottle was also thrown into a garbage dump far away.
That night, she was so nervous that she didn't sleep well, and in the next few days, she continued to have nightmares, dreaming that Yan Ri called her away, holding a letter in her hand, asking her to be honest and confess, right? During the compilation of textbooks in Xicunping, he committed a style problem.She defended, declared, but no one believed her.Finally, they called the third child and asked them to testify face to face.
The third child said: "Just admit it, didn't you say that you would like me to hold your hand?"
She didn't expect that the third child would confess so quickly and put the responsibility on her. She wanted to scold him, but she couldn't make a sound.Then the third child wrote out all the events of that day, and the school dealt with him lightly, while she was dragged to the stage for everyone to criticize her.
Somehow, she was parading through the streets, with a string of broken shoes around her neck, a gong in her left hand, and a gong in her right hand. Every time she walked, she was about to knock, and she shouted loudly: " I am a broken shoe! Everyone criticize me!" "I am a shameless bitch! I have committed adultery!"
She woke up with a start, covered in sweat, and it took her a long time to believe that it was just a nightmare.But the scene in the dream actually happened, it was the parading scene she saw when she was in elementary school.I remember people saying that the woman used to be a prostitute, she was reformed after liberation, she got married, and adopted a boy who was in the same class as Jingqiu.
A few days after the parade, the woman jumped into a nearby weir pond and drowned. Her belly was filled with water and she floated in that dirty weir pond. No one wanted to fish her body up for a few days. Afraid of getting my hands dirty.
Jingqiu didn't know why others called that woman a "broken shoe", and she didn't know what "adultery" was, but since then, she never dared to wear worn-out shoes, and would rather go barefoot when she heard a "passion" I feel disgusted by the word, not to mention the word "rape".
She was terrified all day long, and when she saw the teachers who lived in the school, she felt that their eyes were a little strange, as if they had circulated the letters written to her by the third child.She wanted to explain it to them, but she didn't know how to explain it, and her heart was empty.She didn't know who took the letter, but she felt that those people were discussing how to get more evidence and what punishment should be given to her.
A week passed, and she felt that her nerves were about to collapse.She decided to write a letter to the third child, warning him to rein in the precipice.She changed the font again and again, and didn't dare to write her name, because she was afraid that the school was already monitoring her and the third child, and this letter would become another handle.She begged him to forget about her and stop sending flowers and letters, otherwise the future of the two of them would be ruined in his hands.
After writing this way, she felt that it was inappropriate. If this letter was seen by others, they could easily deduce that she must have done something with the third child. Otherwise, how could it be possible to talk about forgetting her, and how could it be possible to talk about ruining her future. Woolen cloth?
She rewrote it again, and said viciously, "I don't know you, and I don't know why you pester me like this. Please respect yourself."
She still felt it was inappropriate to write like this.写得这么冷冰冰，凶巴巴的，如果把老三搞得恼羞成怒了，他把一切都揭发出来，甚至添油加醋地写一些，交给她学校，那不是更惨吗？一个是军区司令的儿子，一个是地主的女儿，学校相信谁，还用问吗？
她就这样写写改改，改改写写，花了一整天，才写了一封短短的信。她尽可能写得冷淡、礼貌、陌生，想既不得罪他，又能起到威摄的作用，最后她决定就写十六个字：
"苦海无边，回头是岸，既往不咎，下不为例。"
虽然静秋连老三的确切通信地址都不知道，只在西村坪的地址后加了个“勘探队”，但她估计老三收到了那封信，因为他没再送什么东西来。
令人振奋的是暑假快到了，静秋又可以去做零工了。她准备把一个暑假做满，一天也不休息，乐观地估计，可以做到八、九十块钱。
钱还没拿到手，她已经在制定预算了。首先要还掉老三的钱，然后给妈妈买个热水袋，妈妈犯病的时候，常常会腰疼，需要一个热水袋捂在那里。现在都是用个玻璃瓶子装了热水当热水袋用，但瓶子有时会漏水，而且捂的面积有限。
她计划开了工钱就去买半个猪头回来吃，因为一斤肉票可以买两斤猪头。猪耳朵、猪舌头卤了吃，猪脸肉做回锅肉，剩下的七七八八的可以做汤。一想到蒜苗炒出来的回锅肉，她就觉得口中生津，恨不得现在就去买来做了吃。她家里经常是几个月不知肉味，她在西村坪吃老三拿来的那些肉的时候，总有一种问心有愧的感觉，因为不能拿回去给妈妈和妹妹吃。
这个暑假打了工，一定要给妹妹买布做件春装。她自己老穿哥哥的旧衣服，被人笑话，所以她决心不让妹妹尝那种滋味。她还要给妹妹买双半高统的胶鞋，这有点奢侈，但妹妹想那种胶鞋想了很久了，她从妹妹看人家胶鞋的眼光里可以读出妹妹的心思。
她哥哥还欠队里口粮钱，她希望用暑假做工的钱还上一部分。知青在农村没吃的，有时就会出去偷鸡摸狗，把贫下中农田里的菜、笼里的鸡偷来做了吃。很多地方的知青已经跟当地的农民结下了仇，经常打起来。有时几个村的农民联合起来打知青，几个队的知青联合起来打农民，搞得血雨腥风，人人自危。
前不久，她哥哥被农民打伤了，脸上身上都是一道道伤。她哥哥说自己真是命大福大造化大，因为那次一同被打的人，差不多个个都伤筋动骨了，有几个打得瘫在床上，是别人抬回来的，只有他那个小队的几个知青，因为跑得快，只受了皮肉伤。
那次一同被打的知青和他们的家长在K市碰了个头，商量怎么办。被打的知青都说这次完全是当地农民不对，他们什么都没偷，是农民认错了人，问也不问，就围住他们，用扁担、千担、铁锹什么的把他们痛打一顿。那些农民就是恨知青，觉得知青来了，把他们本来就不多的工分夺走了一部分，还闹得鸡犬不宁，所以他们只要有机会就打知青。知青告到大队和公社，但大队和公社根本不处理。
那次讨论的结果是决定到地委去告那些农民。被打的知青和他们的家长找了无数路子，地委才答应派人接见他们一下，听听事情经过。
那天晚上，静秋也跟去了，因为妈妈身体不太好，哥哥又受了伤。一行人到了地委大院，见大院门口是荷枪实弹站岗的卫兵，有些人先自胆怯起来，几个伤得不重的就打退堂鼓了。静秋一家跟着那些坚定不移分子进了地委大院，地委派个人出来接待他们，叫他们在一个会议室等候，说地委书记还在开会。
等了好几个钟头，还没见到地委书记。不知道是谁探听到了消息，说地委书记正在陪什么人吃饭喝酒，有点喝醉了，不知道今天能不能来接见咱们。
静秋听到这个消息，无缘无故地想起老三的爸爸，听说也是个大官。她心里涌起一股恨意，原来当官的真的是这么高高在上，草菅人命。会议室里躺着几个打得不能动的知青，还坐着一群被打得鼻青脸肿、断胳膊断腿的知青，加上他们心急如焚的父母，而这个地委书记居然还有心思喝酒吃饭。
她知道K地区只有一个军分区，而老三的爸爸据说是军区司令，那他爸爸管的地盘肯定比地区更大。她想象老三就是住在一个有背枪的卫兵站岗的大院内，他的未婚妻肯定也是那个大院的，他的父亲肯定也是那种说话官腔官调的人，一开口就象作报告一样：“啊，这个这个----。”
她想起大嫂说过，当官的我们高攀不上，她懂大嫂的话，但只有亲眼看到过地委大院了，才有了切身的体会。老三跟她根本就是一个天上，一个地下，两个世界的人。现在她坐在那里等地委书记，感觉就象是在等老三的爸爸一样，满心是愤懑和不平。为人不做官，做官是一般，老三的爸爸肯定也是这样对待平民百姓的。
又等了一会，好几个家长害怕起来了，说这会不会是一个圈套？让我们在这里坐着，他们去搬兵，待会把我们全部都抓起来了，不用别的罪名，就加个“冲击革命政权机构”，就可以把你扔进监狱了。
这一说，在场的人都紧张起来了。静秋的妈妈也说：“我们回去吧，别人可能还当得起这个帽子，我们这种人家，是再也经不起这顶帽子了。打了就打了，自认倒霉了，我们还能指望地委书记把那些农民抓起来？怎么说知青也是到农村去接受农民再教育的，农民要用扁担再教育你，怕是也没办法了。”
静秋最恨妈妈的胆小怕事，她坚持要等下去，说如果你害怕，就让我在这里等。静秋的妈妈无法，只好陪着等。最后终于等来了一个干部，并不是地委书记，不知道是个什么干部，反正说是代表地委的。知青和家长把情况说了说，那人刷刷地记了一通，就叫大家回去了。
后来就再没听到任何消息。静秋的妈妈自我安慰说：“算了，就这样了吧，至少没把挨打的知青抓去，没受处罚。”然后含着眼泪把伤还没好的哥哥送回乡下去。可能哥哥队上的人听说了告状的事，有点害怕，就照顾哥哥，让他看谷场，比下田轻松，但一天只能挣半个劳动力的工分，估计年终需要更多的钱去还口粮钱了。
所以暑假的第一天，静秋就叫妈妈带她去找“弟媳妇”那当居委会主任的妈，想找零工做。母女俩一大早就去了“弟媳妇”家，等在那里。“弟媳妇”叫李贵阳，大家叫他妈李主任。静秋实在有点愧见“弟媳妇”，因为两人一个班的，平时见了面，话都不说，现在却要求上门来，请他妈妈帮忙。
静秋的妈妈教过李主任的大儿子，所以李主任对妈妈很客气，让静秋的妈妈先回去，说我会给你女儿找工的。静秋也只是每年让妈妈引见一下，所以也叫妈妈回去，妈妈回去后，静秋就等在那里。
那些需要零工的工厂企业，会派他们那边管事的人到李主任家来要工，大家都把工厂那边派来的专管零工的人叫“甲方”。
“甲方”一般在早上九点以前就来要人了，找零工的人，如果过了九点还没找到工，那天就算废了。大多数情况下，如果找到一个工，就可以做好几天，等到那个工程告一段落了，零工们就又到李主任家来，等着找新的零工做。
那天跟静秋一起等在那里的还有一个老婆婆，不知道多大年纪，反正牙都掉光了。静秋认识她，以前在一起打过零工，别人都叫她“铜婆婆”，大概是姓“董”，但因为她这么大年纪了，还在外面做零工，静秋就觉得她应该是叫“铜婆婆”。
听说“铜婆婆”的儿子挨斗的时候被打死了，媳妇跑了，留下一个刚上学的孙子，该“铜婆婆”照看。静秋想都不敢想，如果“铜婆婆”哪天死了，她那个孙子该怎么活下去。
坐了好一会，才看见一个“甲方”来要人，说是需要壮劳力，因为是从停在江边的货船上把沙卸下来，挑到岸上去。静秋自告奋勇地要去，但“甲方”看不上她，说他不要女的，女的挑不动沙。李主任叫静秋莫慌，说等有了比较轻松的工再让你去。
又坐了一阵，来了另一个“甲方”，这回是要打夯的，静秋又自告奋勇，但那个“甲方”也不要她，说她太年青，脸皮薄，打夯是要大声唱歌的。静秋说，我不怕，我敢唱。“甲方”就说你唱个我听听。静秋觉得那人有点流里流气的，又碍着“弟媳妇”在旁边，就不肯唱。
“甲方”说：“我说了吧？你根本不敢唱，这活只能找中年妇女干，人家那嘴，什么都唱得出来。”
“铜婆婆”说：“我敢唱，我也会唱。”当即就瘪着嘴唱起来，“尼姑和尚翻了身，嗨，吆呀霍呀，日里夜里想爱人，也呀吗也吆霍呀----”
静秋一听，那唱的什么玩意啊，都是男男女女的事，虽听不太懂，但是也知道是有关半夜里女想男、男想女的事的。她想自己肯定干不了这活，只好看着“铜婆婆”金榜高中，欣欣然地跟“甲方”去了。
那天一直等到十点都没等到工，静秋只好依依不舍地回去了。呆在家里一天没工做，真是如坐针毡，就象有人把一块二毛钱从她口袋里掏走了一样，只盼望第二天快快到来，好再到李主任家去等工。
一直等到了第三天，静秋才找到一份工，还是那个挑沙的工。“甲方”说前几天找的人，好些人都挑不下来，逃掉了，所以他只好又到李主任家来招工。静秋央求了半天，“甲方”才答应让她试试，说如果你没干到一天就跑掉，我是不会付你半天工钱的。静秋连忙答应了。
找到了工，她感到心里无比快乐，好像已经有一只脚踏进了共产主义一样。她跟着“甲方”来到上工的地方，刚好赶上零工们在休息，全都是男的，没一个女的。那些人见她也来挑沙，都很惊奇。有一个很不友好地说：“你挑得少，我们就吃了亏，等于要帮你挑，你还是找个计件的工去干吧，干多得多，干少得少。”
另一个好心点的提醒说：“我们都是两人一组，一个跳下船，一个挑上坡的，一个人又挑下船又挑上坡还不累瘫了？谁愿意跟你一组？跟你一组不是得多挑几步路？”
静秋淡淡地说：“你莫担心，我自己跟自己一组，我不会挑得比你们少的。”
“甲方”说：“那你就在这干着再说吧，不行就莫硬撑着，压坏了没劳保的。”
有个认识她的说：“你妈是老师，你还贪这点小钱？”
还有一个见“甲方”走了，就流里流气地开玩笑说：“大夏天的，有你一个女的在这里真不方便。待会干得热起来了，我们都兴把衣服裤子脱了干的，你到时不要怕丑啊。”
静秋不理他们，心想你脱的不怕丑，我看的还怕丑了？她只埋头整理自己的箩筐扁担。开工时间到了，她跟着一群男人下河去。货船跟河岸之间搭着长长的跳板，只有一尺来宽，踩上去晃晃悠悠的。下面就是滔滔的江水，正是夏天涨水季节，江水带着泥沙，黄中带红，看上去尤其可怕，胆子小的人可能空手都不敢走那跳板，更莫说挑一担沙了。
很久没挑担子了，刚一挑，觉得肩膀痛。幸好她的扁担跟随她多年，是根很好用的扁担，不太长，而且很有韧劲，挑起担子来忽闪忽闪的。会挑担子的人都知道，如果一根扁担不能忽闪，直杠杠的，挑着就很累，如果一根扁担能忽闪忽闪的，就可以和着你走路的节奏，晃晃悠悠，使你觉得担子轻了不少。
那一担沙，少说也有一百来斤，静秋挑着沙，从窄窄的跳板上走过，觉得跳板晃荡得可怕，生怕一脚踩空掉到江里去。她会游泳，但江边的水下都是乱石头，掉下去不会淹死，但肯定会被石头撞伤撞死。她不敢望脚下，只平视前方，屏住呼吸，总算平安走下了跳板。
下了船就是上坡，接近河岸的一段还比较平坦，但再往上，坡就很陡了，空手爬都会气喘吁吁，挑着担子就可想而知了。现在她比较明白为什么其他人要结成两人一组了，因为刚经过了跳板那一吓，现在已经手脚发软，如果有人接手挑上坡去，那挑下船的人就可以空手往货船那边走，暂时歇息一下。但如果是一个人挑这全段路程，就只能一口气挑到目的地。
静秋没人搭伙，只好一个人挑。挑了两趟下来，身上已经全汗湿了，太阳又大，又没水喝，简直觉得要中暑晕倒了。但一想到这一天挑下来就有一块二毛钱，尤其是想到这两天找不到工时的惶惑，就咬紧牙关坚持挑。
那一天不知道是怎么熬过去的，等到收工的时候，静秋已经是累瘫了。但回到家里，还要装出一幅很轻松的样子，不然妈妈又要担心。她那天实在是太累了，吃了晚饭洗个澡就睡了。
第二天，她一大早就起来了，那时才感到昨天的疼痛真不算什么，现在才真的感到浑身酸痛了，两个肩膀都磨破皮了，痛得不能碰衣服。后颈那块，因为要不断地换肩，也磨破皮了。两条腿更是无比沉重，脸和手臂晒破了皮，洗脸的时候，沾了水就痛。
静秋的妈妈见女儿起来了，连忙走过来劝她别去了，说：“你太累了，昨晚睡觉哼了一夜，今天就别去了吧-----”