Chapter 3 2

One morning after Jingqiu woke up, she was about to fold the quilt, but found a bloodstain the size of an egg on the bed.She found out that her "old friend" had come and soiled the sheets.Her "old friend" is always like this, whenever something important happens, he will rush forward.In the past, whenever I went out to study engineering, agriculture, or the army, my "old friends" always came early. Jingqiu hurriedly changed the sheets, filled a large wooden basin with some water, and secretly washed off the bloodstain.There is no running water in the countryside, so Jingqiu is too embarrassed to clean the sheets at home, and it probably won't be clean either.It happened to be a rainy day that day, and when the rain stopped at noon, she hurriedly filled a washbasin with sheets and went down to the river to clean them.

She knows that she should not dip in cold water now. Her mother pays attention to this point, always emphasizing and emphasizing the disadvantages of dipping in cold water during menstruation, saying that you should not drink cold water, eat cold food, or take a cold bath, otherwise you will have toothaches and headaches in the future. , Muscle and bone pain.But there is nothing I can do today, and I hope that a dip in cold water won't cause any major problems. Jingqiu came to the river, stood on two big rocks, and put the sheets into the water.But where she could reach, the water was very shallow, and when the bed sheet was lowered, the mud from the bottom of the river was brought up, as if it was getting cleaner and dirtier.

She thought, go all out, take off your shoes and stand in the water to clean it.As I was taking off my shoes, I heard someone talking: "Are you here? Fortunately, I saw it, otherwise I would stand upstream to wash my rubber shoes, and the muddy water would definitely stain your sheets." She raised her head and saw that it was the third child.Ever since people laughed at him when she called him "third brother", she didn't know what to call him.No matter what she called him, she couldn't seem to say it, and she didn't know why.Everything about him has become a taboo to her mouth, but to her eyes, her ears, and her heart, it has become a red book--read, read, and read every day think.

He was still wearing the half-length cotton coat, but he had on a pair of long rubber shoes, which got a lot of mud.She has a guilty conscience. It's such a rainy day today. She's here to wash the sheets. I'm afraid anyone can guess what's going on.Afraid that he would ask her this, she hastily drafted a lie in her mind. But he didn't ask anything, just said: "Let me come, I wear rubber shoes and can go to deep water." Jing Qiu shied away for a while, but he had already taken off his cotton coat, put it in her hands, and took the bed sheet over.She hugged his overcoat and stood on the shore, watching him with his sleeves rolled up high, standing in deep water, first washed the mud off the rubber shoes with one hand, and then began to shake the sheets deftly.

After washing for a while, he took the sheet in his hand and cast it out like a fishing net. The sheet was spread out and floated on the water, and the red flowers on it danced happily under the rippling water.He waited until the bed sheet was about to be taken away by the river, and she also screamed in fright, before reaching out and grabbing the bed sheet back.After playing like this a few times, Jingqiu was no longer afraid, so when he let the bed sheet float away again, she stopped barking. If she didn't bark, he wouldn't grab the sheets, and this time he really drifted away.Floating a few meters away, he hadn't stretched out his hand to grab it back, she couldn't help but yelled, he laughed, and ran with one foot deep in the water, one foot shallow, and grabbed the bed sheet back.

He stood in the water, looked back at her, and asked loudly, "Are you cold? If you're cold, put on your coat." "I'm not cold—" He ran ashore, put his coat on her body, looked at her for a while, and laughed hard. "What's the matter?" she asked curiously, "Isn't it—it's ugly?" "No, the clothes are too big, you wear them like a mushroom——" Seeing that his hands were red from the cold, she asked worriedly, "Are you—are you cold?" "It would be a lie to say it's not cold," he said with a chuckle, "but it's getting better soon."

He ran back to the river to clean the sheets, after cleaning for a while, he wrung the sheets and walked back to the bank.She quickly handed him the coat, and he put it back on, picking up the washbasin with the sheets. Jingqiu went to grab the washbasin and said, "Go to work, I'll take it back myself, thank you so much----" He didn't give her the washbasin: "It's the noon break now. My work place has moved here, so I just went to the aunt's house to have a rest." When he got home, he told her that there was a bamboo pole for drying clothes under the eaves at the back. He found a rag to help her wipe the bamboo pole, and helped her put the bed sheet on it, and then found two clips to hold it.

When he did all this, he seemed to be able to grasp it with his hands, very skillful and natural.Jing Qiu couldn't help asking curiously: "You---how can you do housework so well?" "I'm away all year round, I do it myself---" The aunt heard it and teased him: "You are boasting, your quilt and sheets are all washed by my family Duan Fen---" He stuck out his tongue, not daring to blow any more.Jingqiu thinks that Duanfen must like him very much, otherwise why would he wash the quilt and sheets for him? During that time, the third child came to the aunt's house almost every noon, sometimes to take a nap, and sometimes to chat with Jingqiu.Sometimes he would bring some eggs and meat over, and let the aunt make them for everyone to eat.Don't know where he got it, because those things were supplied by plan.Sometimes he would bring some fruit, which was rare.So every time he comes, he can make the whole family happy.

Sometimes, he asked Jingqiu to show him what she had written, and he said, "Comrade writers, I know that you generals don't show pu, but what you write is not pu, but village history, can you show me? " Jingqiu couldn't hold back him, so she showed him.He read it carefully, returned it to her, and said: "There is nothing to say about the writing style, but asking you to write these things is really a waste of your talent." "why?" "These --- are all occasional articles, one after the other, not interesting--" These words always startled Jing Qiu, and felt that he was really almost reactionary.But she really doesn't like to write these things, but there is no way not to write.

When he saw that she was worried about writing, he comforted her: "Just write whatever you want. You can write whatever they want you to write. You don't need to spend so much brainpower on these things." When she saw no one, she asked him: "You always say 'it doesn't take much brains to write these things', so what to write is worth thinking about?" "When you write what you want to write, put your mind to it. Have you ever written fiction or poetry?" "No. How can a man like me write a novel?" He asked her with great interest: "What kind of person do you think can write a novel? I think you are a good writer. You have a good writing style, and more importantly, you have a pair of poetic eyes. You Can see the poetry in life--"

Jingqiu felt that he was starting to "do well" again, so she asked: "You always say 'poetic' and 'poetic', what exactly is 'poetic'?" "According to the old saying, it is 'poetry'; according to the current saying, it is 'revolutionary romanticism'." "You know so much, why don't you write novels?" "The things I want to write must be things that no one dares to publish; the things that can be published must be things I don't want to write." He smiled and said, "You may be the Cultural Revolution as soon as you enter school, but I am I didn’t get into the Cultural Revolution until I was in high school, and I must be more influenced by the bourgeoisie than you. When I was studying, I always wanted to go to university, Tsinghua University, Peking University, but I was born a little later—” "Then why don't you become a college student of workers, peasants and soldiers?" He shook his head: "What's the point of that? You can't learn anything in college now---. What are you going to do after high school?" "Go to the countryside." "and then?" Jingqiu was very sad, because she couldn't see what "then" would be for her.Her brother had been in the countryside for several years, but he couldn't get him back.Her brother played the violin very well, and the county art troupe and the Haizheng art troupe both wanted to recruit him, but when it came to the political trial, they were dismissed.She said sadly: "It's nothing. Then, I went to the countryside, and I will definitely not be able to recruit them back, because my family--the ingredients are not good." He said with certainty: "No, you will definitely be able to recruit it back, it's just -- sooner or later. Don't think so much, don't think so far, the world is changing every day, maybe it will be when you go to the countryside At that time, the policy will be changed, and there will be no need to go to the countryside.” Jingqiu felt that this was simply a fantasy, would there be such a thing?He must be comforting her. Anyway, if she doesn't go down to the countryside, whether she can be recruited back has nothing to do with him, and he doesn't have to be responsible for saying that.Speaking of this, Jingqiu felt that there was nothing to talk to him about. He said that his father was an official, and although he had been punished, he seemed to be fine now. He did not go to the countryside, but directly joined the exploration team .She felt that people like him were completely different from her, and it was impossible for him to understand her worries. "I'm going to write something." She said lazily, and then pretended to write, and he didn't say anything, sometimes he sat there and took a nap, sometimes he played with Huanhuan, and when the time came, he went back to work up. One day, he brought her a thick book: "<<John Christopher>>, have you read this book?" "No." He left the book for her to read, saying that this is just one of the episodes, tell me after you finish reading this one, and I will give you the other ones. Later Jingqiu asked him: "Why do you have these books?" "My mother bought them all. My father is an official, but my mother is not. You may have heard that in the early days of liberation, a new marriage law was promulgated, and the cadres of the Communist Party left their wives in the country. I found a young, beautiful, well-educated female student to be my wife. My mother is such a female student, a lady of the capitalists, who married my father probably in order to change her political outlook. But she felt that my father couldn't understand her at all, so she was always depressed in her heart and lived in books most of the time.She loves to buy books, and she has many books, but during the Cultural Revolution, she was timid and burned many books.My brother and I hid some.Is this book any good? " Jingqiu said: "This is bourgeois stuff, but we can absorb it critically---" He looked at her again like a child: "These books are all world famous, but--now they have suffered such bad luck in China, but classics are classics after all, and they will not become famous because of temporary encounters. Rubbish. Do you still want to read it? I still have some, but you can’t read too much, or you won’t be able to write your textbook. How about I write it for you?” He wrote a few paragraphs for her casually, and said: "I am very familiar with the village history of Xicunping. Write a few paragraphs first. You can see if your teachers and classmates can see it. If you can't, I will write it for you." Later, during the group discussion, Jingqiu showed everyone what she had written in those few days, and no one seemed to be able to tell that those few paragraphs were not written by her.So he became her "Queen's literati". He helped her write textbooks at noon every day, and she read the novels he brought every day at noon. One day, Jingqiu went to the east of the village with people from the education reform team to visit Heiwuya, a large cave. It is said that during the Anti-Japanese War, it was a hiding place for anti-Japanese and national rescuers.But after being informed by traitors, Japanese devils surrounded Heiyaya, and more than 20 wounded and villagers hiding there were trapped inside.The Japanese devils set fire to the cave, and those who escaped were shot to death, and those who did not escape were burned to death.Up to now, the cave walls blackened by smoke can still be seen. This is the heaviest page in the history of Xicunping Village, and the members of the education reform team heard tears in their eyes.After the visit, it was time for dinner, but everyone said that the revolutionary martyrs threw their heads, shed blood, and sacrificed their lives for our happy life today. Can we not eat later?So everyone didn't have time to eat, so they held a meeting to discuss the preparation of this lesson, and the meeting didn't end until two o'clock in the afternoon. When Jingqiu returned to the aunt's house, she didn't see the third child, thinking that he must have been here before, and now he's back to work.She ate some leftovers in a hurry, and hurried to write what she heard today. But at noon the next day, the third child didn't come over, and Jingqiu was a little confused. Could it be that he came yesterday and got angry when he found out that I wasn't there, and never came again?She felt that this was impossible. How could she have such a great ability to make the third child angry for her? For several days, the third child did not appear again.Jingqiu began to lose her mind. She always felt that something was wrong, she couldn't write well, and she couldn't eat well. She always wondered why the third child didn't come here.She wanted to ask the aunt and the others where the third child had gone, but she didn't dare, for fear that others would misunderstand what she had with the third child. In the evening, she took Mingming as a cover and went to the shed to find the third child.When we got near the working shed of the exploration team, we didn't hear the sound of the accordion.She lingered there for a long time, but she didn't dare to go to the shed to inquire about the whereabouts of the third child, so she came back disconsolately. Later, she couldn't bear it any longer, so she asked the aunt in a circumstantial manner: "Obviously I was just asking why the third father hasn't come these days----" The aunt was also very confused, and said: "I was also talking about why the third child hasn't come for several days. I'm afraid I should go back to visit relatives." Jingqiu's heart turned cold, he went to visit relatives?Is he already married?She never asked him if he was married, and he never mentioned whether he was married. Duanfang never said that he was married, but Duanfang never said that he was not married. He said that he was in high school before the Cultural Revolution, so he should be six or seven years older than her, because when the Cultural Revolution started, she was only in the second grade of elementary school.If he does not respond to the call for late marriage, he may also be able to get married. Thinking that he was already married, she felt very uncomfortable, and always felt that he had lied to her.But she took out every bit of this period of time and thought about it, and felt that he hadn't lied to her. The two of them were just chatting and writing together, and they didn't say anything else, and they didn't do anything else. There is a photo of him under the glass plate, which is very small, one inch in size, like a passport photo.When no one is around, Jingqiu often stares at that photo in a daze.She felt that since meeting him, her proletarian aesthetics had been completely and completely changed by him. She only liked to see his face shape, his figure, his manner of speaking, his smile.What kind of black and red face, what kind of iron tower body, all went to hell. But he didn't show up anymore. Did he see something, so he hid?She thought that after a while, she would leave Xicunping and never see him again.If he doesn't show up for a few days, she will feel so uncomfortable, and then she will never see him again, what should she do? Many times, when a person finds himself in love with someone, it is when he is parting from him that he suddenly loses sight of that person, and then he realizes that he has unknowingly developed a strong attachment to that person. Jing Qiu only felt afraid, she had never experienced this kind of attachment before, it seemed that she had put her heart in his hands unconsciously, and now she could do whatever he wanted.He wanted her heart to ache, all he needed was a pinch; he wanted her heart to be happy, all he needed was a smile.She didn't know how she could be so careless, knowing that the two were from different worlds, how could she fall in love with him so carelessly. Maybe all the girls, especially the poor ones, have dreamed of Cinderella, dreaming that one day, a handsome and kind prince will fall in love with him, and he will not dislike his poverty, so that he will escape from the sea of ​​suffering and live in happiness. paradise.But Jingqiu dare not have such a dream, she knows she is not Cinderella.Although Cinderella is poor, she is so beautiful!And Cinderella's parents are not the children of landlords or historical counter-revolutionaries. She couldn't think of anything about her that the third child liked. He must have nothing to do at noon, so he came to the aunt's house to play.Maybe he is the kind of playboy mentioned in the book, who tricks the girl with a little trick, and then writes down an entry in his "hunter's diary" as his brilliant record, and then sets off elsewhere To lie to another girl. Jingqiu felt that she had been deceived by the third child, because she couldn't let him go, and he must have seen it.Maybe this is what my mother often said, "A mistake will cause eternal hatred"? She remembered a plot in <<Jane Eyre>>.In order to let herself give up her love for Rochester, Jane Eyre said to the mirror every day: You are an ordinary girl, you are not worthy of his love, you should never forget this. Jingqiu also wanted to find the mirror and say this to herself, but she thought that would be admitting that she was in love with him, but she dared not even admit it to herself.She is still a high school student, and those who have graduated and are working still want to advocate late love, let alone those who are still studying.She said to herself, I must learn to forget him, even if he comes back in the future, I can no longer contact him. She wrote a letter of determination on the last page of her village history book: "Resolutely draw a line with all petty bourgeois ideology, study and work wholeheartedly, compile good teaching materials, and thank the school leaders for their trust in me with practical actions. "She can only write vaguely, because there is no place to hide any personal privacy.But she herself knew what "petty bourgeois thinking" meant. But after a few days, "petty bourgeois thinking" reappeared.It was an afternoon, it was almost five o'clock, Jing Qiu was writing something in her room, when she suddenly heard the aunt's joyful voice: "You're back? Did you go back to visit relatives?" Then she heard the voice that made her heart tremble: "No, I went to the second team." "Obviously I've asked you many times, but we're always thinking of you---" Jingqiu thought in a panic, fortunately, I asked many times without the aunt telling me, and it was all on Mingming.She heard the little "scapegoat" running around happily in the main room, and after a while, he brought her some candies, saying that the third father gave her to eat.She took them and gave them all back to the little "scapegoat". She smiled and watched him peel off two pieces at once and stuff them into his mouth, making the cheeks on both sides bulge. She restrained herself and sat in her room not to go out to see the third child.She heard him talking to the aunt, as if there was a technical failure in the second team, and he was called to solve some problem. The second team was in a village below the Yanjia River. She breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately forgot her determination. She just wanted to see him and say a few words to him.She had to turn out the letter of determination she wrote, read it over and over again, and said to herself: Jingqiu, it's time to test you, you must mean what you say.So she just sat at the table and didn't go out. After a while, she couldn't hear his voice anymore. Knowing that he had left, she regretted so much. If he went to another place and didn't come back for a few days, wouldn't she have missed this rare opportunity today?She stood up in a panic, wanting to go out and see where he was going, even if she saw a figure from behind, she could reassure herself.As soon as she stood up and turned around, she saw him leaning on the door frame of her room looking at her. "Where are you—going?" he asked. "I'll go--a little behind." There is a crude toilet behind the house, so "go to the back" means to go to the toilet.He smiled and said, "Go, don't delay you, I'll wait for you here." She stood there, staring at him blankly, feeling like she hadn't seen him for a few days, he seemed to have lost weight, his cheeks sunken, and the beard on his chin protruded, she had never seen him like this before, his chin always Clean shaved.She asked worriedly: "Are you over there---are you tired?" "I'm not tired, technical things don't require much physical strength---" He touched his face and said, "Have you lost weight? Can't sleep well---" He kept staring at her, making her feel hairy, wondering if my cheeks were sunken too?She whispered, "Why didn't you go to the second team - and didn't tell - auntie? You were always asked about it." He still stared at her, and whispered: "I was in a hurry that day, and I didn't have time to come and tell you----you, when I was waiting for the bus at Yanjiahe, I went to the post office and told the boss, thinking he was back. I will tell you sometime, maybe he forgot -----. I can't rely on others in the future, I'd better come here and tell you --" Jing Qiu was taken aback, what did he mean?He seemed to have read her mind and knew that she was looking for him these days.She stated: "What did you tell me to do? I don't care --- where are you going?" "You don't care where I'm going, but I want to tell you where I'm going, can't I?" He tilted his head and said a little unreasonably. She was so embarrassed that she didn't know what to say, so she hurried to the back.After standing outside the house for a while, he ran back and saw him sitting in front of her desk, flipping through her writing notebook.She snatched it up, closed the book, and scolded him: "Why do you read other people's things without their permission?" He smiled and imitated her tone and asked, "Why do you write about others without their permission?" She was in a hurry, and argued, "Where did I write about you? I mentioned your name and your last name? What I wrote was---the letter of determination." He said curiously: "I didn't say you wrote about me. I meant that you wrote about others without the permission of those anti-Japanese heroes. Did you write about me? Where? Isn't this the village history you wrote?" Jingqiu didn't know if he had seen her determination book just now, and regretted saying something wrong, maybe what he saw just now was the village history in front of the book. Fortunately, he didn't ask any more questions, but took out a new pen and said, "Use this pen to write. I've wanted to buy you one for a long time, but I didn't have a chance to go out. Yours leaked. You see there's always a block of ink on your middle finger--" She remembered that he had indeed said he would buy her a pen.Because he always put several pens in the top pocket of his clothes, once she laughed at him: "You are such a big intellectual, hang so many pens----" He smiled and said, "Haven't you heard of it? The one with one pen is a college student, the one with two pens is a professor, and the one with three pens—" He kept a secret and stopped talking. "What is it? What are the three pens hanging on? Is it a writer?" "The one with the three pens is the pen repairer." She couldn't help laughing when she heard this, and asked, "Then you are a pen repairer?" "Well, I like tinkering with small parts, repairing pens, watches, alarm clocks and so on. I dare to take apart the accordion and tinker. But I took your pen apart and looked at it. It can't be repaired. If you want to change something, why don't you buy it again? One, I’ll go out and buy one for you when I’m free. Are you afraid of getting ink on your face with this pen? You girls are most afraid of losing this kind of person—” She didn't say anything, because her family was poor and couldn't afford a new pen, and this old pen was given by someone else. Now he handed her the new pen and asked, "Do you like this pen?" Jingqiu picked up the pen, it was a very beautiful gold star fountain pen, so beautiful that one couldn't bear to fill it with ink.She wanted to accept the pen and pay him, but she had no money, and her mother asked someone to borrow the prepaid food expenses for going to the countryside this time, so she returned the pen to him: "I don't want it, I return my pen." I can write." "Why not? You don't like it?" He seemed a little anxious. "When I bought it, I was thinking, maybe you don't like the black one, but there is no other color like this one. I think this one is good, with a thin nib. Yes, your handwriting is delicate, it’s better to use this fine nib—” He explained for a while, then said, “Use this one first, and I’ll buy you a better one next time——” "Don't--don't, I don't think the pen is bad, it's too-- well, it's expensive, right?" He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief: "It's not expensive, as long as you like it. Fill some ink and try it?" He said, took the ink bottle and filled it with ink.When he writes, he always likes to hold the pen and shake it for a while before writing, as if he is thinking about a problem, and then he starts to write. He wrote a poem in her notebook, to the effect that, from the day I met you, I begged you in my heart, if life is a one-way street, please walk in front of me from now on, let me I can see you all the time; if life is a two-way street, please let me hold your hand and walk through the vast sea of ​​people, never getting lost. She liked the poem very much, so she asked him, "Whose poem is this?" "I scribbled, it's not a poem, I just wrote what came to mind." That day, he insisted that she accept the pen, saying that if she refused, he would have to send it to her group, telling them that it was his contribution to the education reform and that it was specially given to Jingqiu to write village history.Jingqiu was afraid that he would really go to the group and everyone would know about it, so she had to accept it, and promised to pay him back the money when she made money later. He said, "Okay, I'll wait." A few days later, it was Jingqiu's turn to go back to City K to rest, and her rotation was scheduled for Wednesday and Thursday. In the first two rotations, Jingqiu gave up the opportunity to the boy named Sun Jiankang, because he was actually not that healthy, with lumps growing on his face all the time, and he needed to go to the hospital for check-ups frequently.Another reason why Jingqiu gave him the chance to take a rest was because she had no money for traveling.At that time, her mother’s monthly salary was only about 40 yuan. She had to support her and her younger sister, and she also had to give some pocket money to her elder brother in the countryside, and to help her father who was undergoing labor reform in the countryside. Every month, she couldn’t make ends meet. , so she saves as much as she can. But this time it won't work. Her class teacher asked someone who went back on vacation to bring a letter, saying that their class is still waiting for her to go back to rehearse the program for the school performance. The students can only leave.The head teacher said that the whole class had been mobilized to raise travel expenses for her, and she must go back this time. Jingqiu's mother teaches in the Primary School Attached to No. 8 Middle School, and she and Jingqiu's head teacher are colleagues at the school.The homeroom teacher knew that Jingqiu's family was poor, and every time she registered for school, she took the initiative to ask her to defer, that is, to postpone the payment of tuition and miscellaneous fees.Although tuition and miscellaneous fees were only three or four yuan per semester, it was considered a large expense at the time. The class teacher often asked Jingqiu to fill in a form, saying that the school would give her a subsidy of 15 yuan per semester, called a bursary.But Jingqiu refused to fill it in, because the bursary had to be evaluated in class, and Jingqiu didn't want people to know that her family was poor and she had to rely on the bursary to study. She herself goes out to do part-time work every summer vacation, and does small work on some construction sites. When the master builds walls, she helps move bricks and mix cement, pack them in wooden buckets, and pick them up for the master.Many times, she has to stand on very high scaffolding to pick up bricks thrown from the ground by others, and sometimes she has to lift heavy cement prefabricated panels with several people. These are heavy and risky jobs, but they can earn money every day. It costs only one yuan and twenty cents, so she goes out to do odd jobs as soon as the summer vacation comes. This time she is going back to take a rest, which makes her both happy and sad. The happy thing is that she can go back to see her mother and sister. Her mother is not in good health, and her sister is still young. She is always worried.Going back now, I can help the family buy coal and rice, and do some heavy work.But she was very reluctant to part with Xicunping, especially the third child. Going back for two days meant not seeing him for two days, and the time left was running out. When the aunt heard that Jingqiu was going back to K City, she tried her best to ask Duanlin to send her off, but Jingqiu refused. Firstly, she didn't want to delay Duanlin's work, and secondly, she was afraid that she would not be able to pay back the favor. According to Duanfang, a few years ago, Duanlin once liked a female educated youth who came to jump in the queue. That female educated youth might have a good time with him because of his father's face.Later, when there was a recruitment quota, the female educated youth swore to Duanlin, saying that as long as you get this quota for me to return to the city, I will marry you. But after Duan Lin interceded for her and asked his father to get that target for her, she was gone forever.She later told people that she was only to blame for Duanlin being too stupid for not cooking the uncooked rice early, otherwise she would have become his own, so naturally she would be hard to fly. This incident made Duanlin the laughing stock of the village, and even children would sing the jingle: "Duanlin is stupid, Duanlin is stupid, chickens can fly and eggs can be beaten; let a woman who can't penetrate, send it to the city to worship the Bodhisattva .” For a long time, Duanlin was like a frost-beaten eggplant, sluggish.Tell him he doesn't want a daughter-in-law, and he doesn't look for a wife if you tell him.This time, Jingqiu, a female student, lives at home, and he seems to be in good spirits again.The aunt always let Duanfang blow in Jingqiu's ear.But Duanfang felt that the second brother was not good enough for Jingqiu, not only did he not act as a matchmaker, but also revealed all the words of the aunt and the second brother to Jingqiu. Jingqiu asks Duanfang to tell her aunt that she has a bad background and is not good enough for Duanlin. The aunt found out, and came to tell her about it in person: "Girl, what are you afraid of if your status is not good? You married my family Duan Lin, so it's fine if you are not of good status? The children born in the future will all be of good status. Don't you worry about it?" For your own sake, you should also think about the children, right?" Jingqiu blushed with shame, wishing she could dig a hole in the ground, and said repeatedly: "I'm still young, I'm still young, I never thought of finding a partner so early, I'm still studying, and now I advocate late love and late marriage, I won't think about it until I'm twenty-five." The aunt said: "Get married at the age of twenty-five? Your bones are old enough to beat a drum. Our country girls get married early, and the team can provide proof that they can get married at any time." The aunt comforted Jing Qiu, "I don't want you Getting married now is to tell you this first, as long as you have us Duanlin in your heart." Jingqiu didn't know what to do, so she had to beg Duanfang to explain, saying that it was impossible for me and your second brother, I --- I don't know what to say, but I knew it was impossible. Duanfang always giggled: "I know it's impossible, but I don't want to be a villain. If you want to say it, you can say it yourself." The day before Jingqiu left, Duan Lin came to her by himself, and said with a blushing face, "My mother asked me to give you a ride tomorrow. There are few people on the mountain, so it's not safe. The road down the mountain is far away, and I'm afraid of flooding---" Jingqiu quickly shied away: "No need to send, no need to send, I--I'm not afraid." Then she asked worriedly, "Are there-- tigers or something on this mountain?" Duan Lin told the truth: "No, this mountain is not big, I haven't heard of any wild animals. My mother said that there are --- bad guys ---" Jingqiu tried her best to refuse, and the aunt also spoke out, and Jingqiu also refused.In fact, she still really wants someone to see her off. Walking the mountain road alone is a bit frightening.But when he thought about accepting Duan Lin's love, what would he repay in the future?She would rather take the risk of leaving alone.She decided to take the road down the mountain. Although it was twice as far away and had to wade through water, there were no bad people coming and going. In the evening, the third child came over and sat in the main room with everyone to talk.Jingqiu wanted to tell him several times about going back tomorrow, but she didn't have a chance to speak.She hoped that someone else would bring it up, so he would know that she was going back to K city for two days, but no one mentioned it.She sighed, thinking that maybe she didn't need to tell him, maybe he wouldn't come to the aunt's house these two days at all, even if he did, would he still feel uncomfortable because he couldn't see her? Jingqiu was embarrassed to stay in the main room all the time, afraid that others would think she was there because he was there, so she got up and went back to her room to write a report.But she kept her ears open to listen to the movement in the main room, thinking that when he said goodbye and went home, she would quietly run out and tell him that she was going back to K city tomorrow.But she was afraid that he would rob her of what she had said, saying, "Why are you telling me this? I don't care where you go?" She stayed in her room, but didn't write a word.It was nearly ten o'clock, and she heard him take his leave, and she was just about to sneak out to tell him that he had come into her room, took the pen from her hand, found a piece of paper, and wrote a few words quickly. A few words, and then pushed the piece of paper in front of her.She saw him writing: "Take the mountain road tomorrow. I'll wait for you on the mountain. Eight o'clock." She was taken aback, and could barely understand what he meant. She looked up at him, and saw him smiling, staring at her, as if waiting for her to answer.She was stunned for a moment, but before she could answer, the aunt had already walked in.He raised his voice, said, "Thank you, I'm leaving," and walked out. The aunt asked suspiciously, "What did he thank you for?" "Oh, he asked me to help him buy things in K City." The aunt said: "I also want your help to buy some things." The aunt took out some money and said, "You go back and help Duanlin buy some wool and knit a sweater for him. The color and style are up to you. I listen to you." The sister-in-law said that you are good at knitting sweaters, so you knit the clothes yourself, right?" Jingqiu couldn't shirk it, so she had to accept the money, thinking that if she couldn't be the aunt's daughter-in-law, knitting a sweater for her son would be considered compensation. That night, Jing Qiu couldn't sleep no matter what, she took out the piece of paper and read it again and again, he really wrote that.But how did he know she was going back tomorrow?Does he not go to work tomorrow?What would he say to her?do what?She was very happy to have him as a company, but girls are guarding against men, isn't he also a man?Two people are on the mountain, if he wants to do something to her, can she beat him? To be honest, Jing Qiu knew that men posed a threat to women, but she didn't know what the threat was. I have also heard of "rape". You can often see notices outside. Some people have big red crosses on their names, so you know that a few more have been shot.Among those people, some are "rapists", and sometimes there are descriptions of the crime process, but they are all relatively vague, and it is impossible to see what is going on. Jingqiu remembers seeing a bulletin about a rapist who killed a woman by shooting, in which there was a sentence saying that the rapist "inserted a screwdriver into a woman's lower body, and the method was extremely cruel."I remember discussing with a few female companions at that time, after all, where is the lower body?几个人都觉得腰部以下都算下体了，那么这个强奸犯到底把螺丝刀插到受害人腰部以下那一块去了？这事一直没搞清楚。 还有个女伴曾经讲过，说她姐姐跟男朋友吹了，因为那个男朋友“不是人”，有一天晚上，那个男朋友送她姐姐回家的时候，把她姐姐压到地上去了。这又把几个人搞得糊里糊涂，是不是那个男的太凶恶，要打他女朋友？ 静秋的女伴当中，有几个比她大，大家都是八中或八中附小老师的小孩，都住在学校教工宿舍里，一起长大的。那几个大点的，似乎知道得多一些，但讲起来也是藏头露尾，叫几个小点的摸头不是脑，如堕五里雾中。 记得有个女孩曾经很鄙夷地讲过，说某某的姐姐象等不及了一样，还没举行婚礼就结婚了。在静秋听来，这个说法简直狗屁不通，不合逻辑，结婚不就是举行婚礼吗？怎么可能没举行婚礼就结婚了呢？ 还有就是总听人说谁谁被谁谁“搞大了肚子”，但从来没人告诉静秋，一个人的肚子是如何被搞大的，自己悟来悟去，也就基本上悟出跟男的睡觉就会被搞大肚子，因为她妈妈一个同事的儿子被女朋友甩了，那个同事很生气，总是对人说那个女孩“跟我儿子瞌睡都睡了，肚子都被搞大过了，现在不要我儿子了，看谁敢要她。” 那件事给静秋很深的印象，因为她妈妈告诫过她，说你看看，我同事还是人民教师，遇到这样的事，都会在外面败坏那女孩的名声，如果是那些没知识的人，更不知道说出什么难听的话来了。一个女孩子，最要紧的就是自己的名声。名声坏了，这一辈子就完了。 把这么多前人的经验教训、再加上道听途说、以及自己的逻辑推理全综合起来，静秋得出了一个结论：明天可以跟老三一起走那段山路，只要自己时时注意就行了。在山上是不会睡觉的，所以不存在搞大肚子的问题，最好让他走前面，他就不可能突然袭击，把她按到地上去。另外，注意不让他碰她身体的任何地方，想必不会出什么问题了吧？ 唯一的担心就是被人看见了，传到教改小组耳朵里去，那就糟糕了。但她想那段山路好像没什么人，应该不会被人看见吧？要不，明天跟他一前一后离远点，装做不认识一样，只不知道他肯不肯。 第二天，才七点钟，静秋就起来了，梳洗了一下，跟大妈告个辞，就一个人出发了。她先走到河的上游，乘渡船过了那条小河，然后就开始爬山。今天几乎是空手，没背行李，比上次轻松多了。 她刚爬上山顶，就看见了老三。他没穿他那件蓝色棉大衣，只穿了件她没见过的茄克，显得他的腿特别长，她就喜欢看腿长的人。她一看见他，就忘记了昨天晚上为自己立下的那些军令状，只知道望着他，无声地笑。 他也一个劲地望着她笑：“看见你出门了。开始还以为你不会来呢。” “你---今天不上班？” “换休了，”他从随身背的包里拿出一个苹果，递给她，“早上吃东西了没有？” 她老实回答：“没有，你呢？” “我也没有，我们可以走到K县城去吃早点。”他把她背的包都拿了过去，“你胆子好大，准备一个人走山路的？不怕豺狼虎豹？” “端林说这山上没野物----，他说---只需要防坏人---” 他笑起来：“你看我是不是坏人？” “我不知道----” 他安慰她说：“我不是坏人，你慢慢就知道了。” “你昨天---好大胆，差点让大妈看见那个纸条。”她说了这句，就觉得两个人象在搞什么鬼一样，有点狼狈为奸的感觉，好像做了什么见不得人的勾当，她的脸一下子红起来。 不过他没注意，只笑着说：“她看见了也不要紧，她不识字，我写得又草，还担心连你也看不清呢。” 山顶的路还有点宽，两个人并排走着，他一直侧着脸望她，问：“大妈昨天找你干什么？“ “她叫我在K市帮端林买毛线，帮他织件毛衣----” “大妈想让你做他儿媳妇，你知不知道？” “她----说过一下----” “你---答应了？” 静秋差点跳起来：“你乱说些什么呀？我还在读书----” “那你的意思是----如果你没读书----就答应做她儿媳妇了？”他见她脸庞涨得红通通的，好像要发恼一样，不敢再问了，只说，“你---答应给端林----织毛衣了？” "Ok." 他象吃了大亏一样叫起来：“你要给他织毛衣？那你也要给我织件毛衣！” 静秋笑道：“你怎么象小孩争嘴一样？别人要织一件，你也要织一件？”说到这里，又有心试探一下，“你还要我帮你织毛衣？你不会叫你----爱人----帮你织？” 他急了：“我哪里有爱人？你听谁说我有爱人？” 她见他没爱人，心里很高兴，但嘴里却继续冤枉他：“大妈说你---有爱人，说你上次就是回家探亲去了。” 他大喊冤枉：“我还没结婚，哪来的爱人？她肯定是想把你跟端林撮拢，才会这样说。你到我们队上去问问，看我---结婚了没有---。你不相信我，总要相信组织吧？” 静秋说：“我干嘛去你队上问？你---结婚不结婚---跟我有什么关系？” 他好像也觉察到自己有点失态，笑了笑说：“怕你---误会---” 静秋心里觉得很温暖，他一定是喜欢她的，不然他为什么怕她误会？但她不敢再往下问，感觉好像已经走到了一个危险的漩涡附近，再问，就要一头栽进去了。 他也没再提这个话题，开始问她的情况，她很坦率地讲了自己家的事，觉得对他没什么要隐瞒的，也许早点让他知道，还可以考验他一下。她就把父母怎么挨批斗，父亲怎么被赶回乡下去，哥哥怎么招不回来都讲给他听了。 他默默地听着，没怎么插嘴，只在她每次快停下的时候，又提点问题，好让她继续讲下去。 静秋说：“我记得文革刚开始的时候，我妈妈还没被揪出来。那时候，一到晚上，我就跟小夥伴们一起，跑到妈妈学校的会议室去看热闹，那里经常开批斗会。我们都把批斗会当件好玩的事，总是学那个工宣队队长的福建普通话，因为他总是把'某某'说成'秒秒'。 那时挨批斗的是一个姓侯的老师，听说是跟<<红岩>>中的许云峰、江姐、成岗等人共过事的，后来被捕，就变节自首，保全了一条性命。虽然她自己一直辩解说她只是'变节'，就是脱离了共产党，但没有'叛变'，也就是没出卖同志，但文革一开始就被揪出来了，当叛徒来斗争。 她那时是白天劳动，晚上挨批。白天的时候，她在外面劳动，我们那帮小孩就经常围着她，学那个工宣队队长的话：侯佳栋，又名侯芳道，系秒秒省秒秒市人，于秒秒年秒秒月在秒秒集中营叛变革命。 她总是泰然自若，昂着头，不理睬我们这些小孩子。挨批斗的时候，她也是昂着头，不肯低下，经常冷冷地说：'你们不讲道理，我懒得跟你们说。 ' 但是有一天，我又跟那群小孩到会议室去看热闹，却看见是我妈妈坐在圈子中间，低着头，在接受批判。小夥伴都开始笑我，学我妈妈的样子，我吓得跑回家去，躲在家里哭。后来我妈妈回来了，没提那件事，因为她不知道我看见了。 一直到了公开批判她的那一天，她知道瞒不过我们了，中午的时候就给了我一点钱，叫我把妹妹带到河对岸的市里去玩，不到下午吃饭的时候，不要回来。我跟妹妹两人一直呆到下午五点才回来。一进校门，就看见铺天盖地的标语，都是打倒我妈妈的，她的名字被倒过来挂在那里，还打上了红叉，说她是历史反革命---- 回到家里，我看见妈妈的眼哭红了，她的一边脸有点肿，嘴唇也肿了，她的头发被剃得乱七八糟，她正在对着镜子自己剪整齐。她是个很骄傲的人，自尊心很强，受到这种公开批斗，简直无法忍受。她搂着我们哭，说如果不是为了三个孩子，她就活不下去了----” 他轻声说：“你妈妈是个伟大的母亲，她为了孩子，可以忍受一切---痛苦和羞辱。你不要太难过，很多人都经历过这样的厄运，但是只要熬出来了，就会像你说的那个朱老师一样，昂首做人，不再为这些痛苦了---” 静秋觉得他有点阶级阵线不清，那个姓侯的是叛徒，我的妈妈怎么能像她那样呢？她赶快解释说：“我妈妈不是历史反革命，她后来就被'解放'出来了，她又可以教书了，是那些人搞错了，我外祖父曾经参加过共产党，后来搬去另一个地方，找不到组织了，就被当成自动脱党了。解放初期，把他抓起来关进监狱，还没等到事情弄清楚，他就病死在监狱里了。但那不是我妈妈的问题---” “重要的是你自己要相信你的妈妈，即使她真是历史反革命，她仍然是个伟大的母亲。政治上的事，说不清楚----，你不要用政治的标准来衡量你的----亲人。” 静秋说：“你跟那个叛徒侯佳栋的论调一模一样，她的儿女责问她那时为什么要自首，说你不自首的话，现在也跟江姐一样，是个人人歌颂的革命烈士了。别人能忍受敌人的拷打，为什么你忍受不了？ 她说：'我不怕拷打，也不怕死，但那时你爸爸也关在监狱里，我不变节，你们早就饿死了。我只是个一般党员，不认识任何别的党员，我没出卖任何人，我只保证再不参加党的活动了----。 ' 她这话被她的儿女揭发出来，革命群众画了很多漫画，都是她从狗洞里爬出来的丑恶面目---” 他叹了口气：“一边是儿女，一边是事业，她也是太难选择了。不过既然她没出卖别人，其实也不用----这么整她的----。党那时有政策，为了保存实力，是允许党员在被捕后变节的，可以登报声明脱党，只要不出卖同志就行。 有很多党的领导人物，被捕后也变节自首过，有的还出卖自己的下级，换来自己的自由。共产党对他们都是很宽容的，因为本来就是他们的党----牺牲几个下属，保全党的领导人，对他们来说还是值得的。 " 他说出几个响当当的名字，说他们都被捕过，都是自首叛变了才被放出来的，等于是踩着下级的尸骨走出敌人监狱的。他说：“所以我瞧不起这些人。要革命，就象那些牺牲了的烈士一样，不是为了谋私利，连命都舍得献上。如果只是为了掌权，就不要挂着个革命的牌子，打击别的人。” 静秋听得目瞪口呆，不由自主地说：“你---好反动啊。” 他笑着望她：“你要去揭发我？其实这些事在上面的圈子里，是公开的秘密，就连下面的人也知道一些。不过你很天真纯洁，只知道仰望那些领袖人物，以为他们是神。其实他们还不是人？是人就有私心，就有权欲，闹来闹去，都是为了掌权，只有下面的人吃亏。” 她担心地说：“我不会去揭发你，但你这样乱说，不怕别人揭发你？” “哪个别人？我对谁都不会说的，只对你说说。”他开玩笑说，“你如果要揭发我，我也认了，死在你手里，心甘情愿。只求你在我死后，在我坟上插一束山楂花，立个墓碑，上书：这里埋葬着我爱过的人。” 她扬起手，做个要打他的样子，威胁说：“你再乱说，我不理你了。” 他把头伸给她，等她来打，见她不敢碰他，才缩回去，说：“我妈妈可能比你妈妈还惨。她年轻的时候，可以说是很进步很革命的，她亲自带领护厂队到处去搜她那资本家父亲暗藏的财产，亲眼看着别人拷问她的父亲，她不同情他，她觉得她做的一切都是为了革命。 虽然她跟我父亲结了婚，但她一直很低调，只在市群艺馆当个小干部。她嫁给我父亲那么多年，也一直跟她的资本家父亲划清界线，但她骨子里还是个小资产阶级知识分子，喜欢文学，喜欢浪漫，喜欢一切美的东西。她看了很多书，很爱诗歌，自己也经常写一点，但她不拿去发表，因为她知道她写的东西，只能算得上小资产阶级的东西---- 文革当中，我父亲被打成走资本主义道路的当权派，遭到批斗，被隔离了，我们被赶出军区大院，我妈妈也被揪了出来，说她是资本家的小姐，腐蚀拉拢革命干部，用极其卑劣的手段，引诱我父亲，把革命干部拉下了水。那时候，整个群艺馆贴满了各种低级下流的大字报和漫画，把我妈妈描绘成一个肮脏无耻的女人。 她像你妈妈一样，是个高傲自尊的女人，从来没有被人这样泼过污水，所以没法忍受。她跟那些人吵，替自己辩护，但越辩护越糟糕，那些人用各种方法羞辱她，逼她交代所谓勾引我父亲的细节，连新婚之夜的一点一滴都要她交代出来，还借批斗的机会，在她身上乱摸，她就痛骂他们，而他们就打她，骂她，说她挨批的时候还不忘勾引男人。那时她每天回来，都要洗很长时间的澡，因为她觉得自己被玷污了。他们打了她很多，一直到她被打得站不起来了，他们才让她回家养伤。 那时，我父亲在省里被批斗，省报市报上都印满了批判揭发他的东西，后来就越来越往低级下流方面滑，很多是关于他生活腐化堕落的，说他引诱奸污了身边很多女护士、女秘书、女办事员。我们把这些都藏着，不让我母亲看见，但她仍然看见了，因为实在太多，藏不胜藏。她的身体承受了外界的打击，她还坚持活着，但这个来自她丈夫的背叛把她打垮了，她用一条长长的白围巾结束了她的生命。 她的遗书只有几句话：质本洁，命不洁，生不逢时，死而后憾。 " 静秋小声问：“那你父亲真的----有那些事吗？” “我也不知道。我觉得我父亲是很爱我母亲的，虽然他不知道怎样爱她才是她喜欢的方式，但他还是爱她的----。我母亲走了这些年，父亲也早就官复原职，有很多人为他张罗续弦，但他一直没有---再娶。 我父亲总是感叹，说毛泽东的那句话有道理：'胜利往往来自于再坚持一下之后'。有时候，好像已经走到了绝境，以为再也没有希望了，但是如果再坚持一下，再坚持一下，往往就看到了胜利的曙光。 " 静秋没想到他有比她更惨痛的经历，很想安慰他，但又不知道说什么好，只说：“你这些年过得---也很难----。” 他没再谈父母的事，两个默默走了一会，他突然问：“我---可不可以跟你到K市去？” 她吓了一跳：“你跟我到K市去干什么？如果我妈妈看见，或者老师同学看见，还以为----” "What do you think?" “以为-----以为---反正---反正影响不好----” 他笑起来：“看把你吓得，话都说不清了。你放心，你叫我不跟你去，我就不会跟你去的。你说的话，就是最高指示，我肯定照办的。”他小心地问，“那我可不可以在县城等你回来呢？县城没人认识我们---，你要是怕的话，我可以只远远地跟着你。你回来的时候，不是还要走这么远的路吗？你一个人走----我怎么能放心呢？” 她看他这么乖，说不准跟她去K市就不敢跟她去，她一感动，胆子就大起来：“如果不耽搁你工作的话，你---就在县城等我吧。我坐明天下午四点的车，五点到县城----”