Chapter 47 Appendix 1(1)

Preface to "The Trilogy of Love" I started writing "Fog" in the summer of 1931, and finished "Electricity" in December 1933.After writing "Electricity", my "Trilogy of Love" is considered complete. It seems that many readers have spoken about these three small books, and I have also seen criticisms in some magazines and newspapers, but I myself have remained silent.Now I have completely forgotten what others have said.But those own words that were swallowed in my stomach became kindling, burning in my heart.I can no longer be silent.So I took the opportunity of the revised edition of "The Fog" to be published for the first time, to open a corner of my soul to the readers.

"Which of your works are you satisfied with?" I often encounter such a question.My friends said this to me face to face, and some readers I didn’t know also wrote letters to ask. Recently, a new friend asked me to choose a few works that I am satisfied with and give them to her. My answer to such questions is always simple: "I have never written a work that I am satisfied with." This is the truth.So I didn't even send a book to that friend, because I was never satisfied with my own work. I have never written a novel that satisfies me.But among my twenty or so literary works, there are also things that I personally like, such as "The Trilogy of Love".I have never opened up this "corner of my soul" to my readers, because I think it is an entirely personal matter.

Why do I like these three little books?This is presumably due to personal preference. I am not a critic, and I read my own work apart from art. I am often misunderstood by people, and some friends even arbitrarily say that I often contain myself in my works, and they have done research for my works.There are also people who believe their words because they think they know me well.In fact, my painstaking efforts in writing are beyond their imagination.I have been misunderstood in this way for these years, and it is only now that I have the opportunity to say "wronged".I can fairly say: I never put myself into my work, although my work is soaked with my own blood and tears, love and hate, sorrow and joy.Although I occasionally add personal experience to my novels, this is only to make the novels closer to the facts.And it was here, too, that I noticed the unity of the book and the consistency of the character descriptions.For example, it is mentioned in "Fog" and "Fog" that Chen Zhen wrote a book explaining his social thoughts.This is a book that speaks to people in the city. In this book, rural issues are not discussed at all.I myself have written a book like this before.Maybe there will be people with nervousness who will conclude that Chen Zhen is me based on this fact.However, if they read a description of Chen Zhen being run over by a car, they don't know what kind of opinion they will have. Maybe they will think that it is only my ghost who is alive and writing articles.

Or I did what Chen Zhen did, or Chen Zhen did what I did, it doesn't matter.He is a separate personality, and so am I.Each protagonist in my novel is an independent personality.He or she develops, grows, moves, dies, all constitute his or her independent existence.Because he or she is a person, a living being, not a shadow.If I describe myself as the protagonist of the novel, then my protagonist will be just a shadow of me, Du Daxin is a shadow (he and I both wrote "Confession of Life"), Gao Juehui is a shadow (he and I Both played the black dog in "Treasure Island", and both studied at the Chengdu Foreign Languages ​​College), Chen Zhen is also a shadow, and there are many others... As a result, my novels have become completely hypocritical.I cannot admit this.

Some people say that I often use my friends as "models" to write novels, and this statement has some basis.I have also been blamed by a few friends for this.Recently, a friend also said that when I wrote "Ray", I shouldn't have written the protagonist so exaggerated, which increased the pride of the friend who was described.I once argued about this matter for half an hour, and I had good reasons, because De in "Ray" is not that friend, and I just borrowed a little thing from that friend when I wrote this novel.If other friends think that "Ray" is the incarnation of that person, I should not be responsible for this.Of course I know better than anyone else.

However, I did write about one or two friends in some other novels, but my original intention is this: rather than saying that I write novels using friends as "models", it is better to say that I have written novels for one or two friends.There is a difference.For example, in "Song of the Swan", my friends know that I used an elderly friend as a "model" to write it; but my original intention is not so simple.I love that friend, and I don't want him to live up to everyone's expectations of him and go his own way.So I wrote novels to advise him.I pointed out a way for him, but he still took a way that was completely opposite to what was written in the novel.I wrote novels.But what's the use?When a man is blinded by love, even the destruction of the world, and the destruction of man, will not be noticed by him.That friend had an influence on my past life.He promised to write a "Philosophy of Life" as a guideline for our life with his whole life.I wait.I have been waiting for seven years.Now he took his wife to a distant province to become an official. "Swan Song" may never sound.But my novels are not written in vain.Because this is not a unique phenomenon, it also has its social significance.About, about "Fallen Road"... my interpretation is the same.When I wrote "The Road to Fall", I really hoped that my cousin, who was called "The Fallen", would take a new path, but he sank down more and more day by day.My advice was of no use to him.

Now let's go back to the "Trilogy of Love".I do like these three little books.These three small books, I can say that I wrote them for myself and read them for myself.It is no exaggeration to say that even today when I read "Electricity", my heart still trembles.They make me cry and they make me laugh.They have given me courage and comfort.I won't mention "Fog" here, because I don't like the first printed version of "Fog", and there are some words in it, which I always feel uncomfortable when I read it myself.Therefore, they were deleted during this revision.

"Electricity" should be specially mentioned.There are a few paragraphs in this, every time I read it, I always shed tears of emotion, for example: Peizhu saw that Min had not spoken for a long time, and knew that they were about to break up with him, so she called Min and said gently: "Min, You shouldn't hide it from us, I know you've made up your mind..." She knew that Min's heart seemed to see it.And Min's actions tonight did not escape her eyes. Min didn't speak, but just walked with her head buried, as if she didn't hear her words.Renmin then called him, but he still didn't answer.

They quickly came to the intersection of two alleys, and Min should have gone west.It is also very quiet here, except for the three of them, there are no other pedestrians. Peizhu stopped.She looked around and whispered, "Min, are you saying goodbye to us like this?" She held out her hand to him. Min took her hand warmly, and said gratefully, "You forgive me...I really don't want to leave you." His tears dripped onto Peizhu's wrist. "Why do you say forgiveness? Let's just say blessings... You see, I know you very well. But you have to think about it. We all care about you." Peizhu said with a smile and kindly, she slowly Put your wrist on your lips.

I read this and my tears fell on the book.But I continued to read: Min shook hands with Renmin again, and said, "Thank you, we can meet tomorrow." He threw Renmin's hand decisively and went to the alley to the west. Peizhu was still standing at the intersection, staring at his shadow gradually disappearing into the darkness.She cried out in pain, "He's crying." I actually cried too. Seeing her standing like this, Renmin approached her, put one arm around her waist, and whispered intimately in her ear: "Peizhu, let's go." She didn't answer, but walked with him silently, cuddling him tightly.

After a while she sighed and said, "Min is leaving us soon." Renmin held Peizhu in one arm and walked forward slowly with a flashlight in the other hand to light the way.He leaned his head on her shoulder and said softly in her ear, "Peizhu, don't be sad, I won't leave you." Peizhu walked silently, and after a while, she suddenly said to herself: "Many young people come to us, but they give up their lives quickly and go away. Min said that he is not a stingy person." She His voice was full of grief. I can't read any further.Tears blurred my eyes.My heart was shaking so badly.A strange feeling shook my heart: whether it was grief, happiness, gratitude, or excitement, in short, I couldn't tell. There are many such places in "Electricity", which may seem common to ordinary readers, but they are very attractive to me, and they are also a source of encouragement.I think only those who know real life well and have been there deeply can understand their significance. It is not an exaggeration to say that these three little books were written for myself.I will keep them on my desk for a long time, and I will read them over and over again.Because I can find many friends here.I can say that all the characters in "The Trilogy of Love" are my friends.I read them like living with many friends.But when I say friends, I don't mean those who have been and are around me.Of course, I have left some memories of my friends in these three books.However, I still have to say that I don't write novels exactly for my friends.Of course I want to write down a few dear friends so that they will live in front of me forever, but when I wrote these three novels, I had another predetermined plan: I would mainly describe a few typical ones, and make them To generalize the typical, I have to create some facts.But that's not to say I've come up with something out of nowhere.I'm just adding to my friends what others have done.This is not to say that I have written faithfully what they have done.I'm just writing: what people with their personalities might do in a certain environment.So it's not my friends in real life that appear in my novels. They exist independently.They became my new friends.They move before my eyes, suffer, cry, laugh and die.I share the emotion of it all with them.I mourn their death. Chen Zhen was lying on his back on the ground, covered in blood.He couldn't make a sound, except for the low whine.Below the neck is not his usual complete body.Only his head has not changed.Some blood was smeared on the yellow and thin face, and the eyes were slightly closed, and the wide-rimmed glasses were missing from them. Adam lay quietly in the darkness, his eyes half-opened.He was covered in blood.But there was a smile on his lips, as if he was still sleeping between his bees and his schoolboys. Some people looked around the corpse.They also squeezed in.There was no doubt that it was Min's face, although it was stained with blood, but the outline of the face could be recognized by them.There was blood all over his body.One foot left the thigh and flew beside the car. "Min, this is your duty," Hui wanted to say, but before she could say it, she burst into tears again.Never before had her heart ached so badly.She seemed to see that bloody face opened her mouth and said: "Will you always remember me?" This is all very simple, very ordinary description.There are many places similar to this.This way of writing will not move the reader and is unknown.But I did shed tears myself when I wrote about these places.I kill my friends in this way, my pain is great, and because they constitute a separate existence, and have little relationship with my friends in real life, then they will not be resurrected in the future, I Lose them forever.My loss is indeed great. No reader can imagine the emotional ups and downs I went through while writing these three little books.None of my readers can imagine the inner struggle I had when I wrote. No one can understand how deeply I love the characters in these novels.The only one who knows all this is me. Now I can briefly talk about the process of my creation of "The Trilogy of Love". The writing of The Fog was entirely accidental.That was the summer of 1931. It was only this year that I began to "officially" write novels. I used to write something similar to novels in my spare time while reading, translating or traveling.Only the time of 1931 was spent entirely on writing. At that time, I lived in Baoguangli, Baoshan Road, Zhabei. The place was still spacious, and friends often came to wish me a friend who came back from Japan.Sometimes I sleep with that friend on the same big bed, talking about various things in Japan, and also talking about his past love experience.Once he went to another place to play for two or three days, and his appearance seemed to have changed after he came back.He talked to me about his life there.He gradually became excited, and his wrinkled, yellow and thin face suddenly looked younger.He finally told about the girl he saw there.I also know that girl. He talked about it again the next day in front of some friends.He drank a little wine, blushed, and told the story of smelling the girl's flesh.This aroused the great interest of the friend's wife who lived upstairs, and laughed happily. He is staying at my house tonight.It was already past ten o'clock, and he was still very excited. He dragged me and another friend to Hongkou to eat Japanese noodles.He has a special fondness for Japanese noodles.We came out of a Japanese restaurant in Hongkou and walked home slowly.The moon is fine and such walks are very pleasant.When we got home, we talked a lot again, until two o'clock in the night.I went to bed, but my friend wouldn't let me close my eyes, and he talked about women.He doesn't usually smoke, but this night he started smoking cigarettes one after another.I was very sleepy and urged him to sleep, but he just talked to me.I had no choice but to turn off the light.But that didn't dampen his interest. The lights were off, but the room was not dark. The moonlight came in from outside, casting the shadows of the glass windows and doors on the floor.I saw his face through the moonlight and the light from the cigarette butts.He also praised the sultry girl's muscular fragrance to me.I have lost my heart to listen.I can understand the mood of this man troubled by unrequited love, but my sleepiness makes me forget everything. He didn't seem to close his eyes that night.After this incident got out, the friend's wife upstairs jokingly nicknamed him "Meaty Fragrance". The days passed so uneventfully that we thought he'd forgotten the smell of muscle.But the fact was exactly the opposite of what we had guessed. He seemed to miss that Miss Jiangsu all day long.Thus ensues a conversation similar to the opening of chapter four of The Fog.Apart from him, the participants included me, the friend who was once regarded as Chen Zhen's friend, and the friend who had a personality similar to Wu Renmin.We talked for a long time. This conversation, like the one in the novel, was fruitless.At that time, I came up with the idea of ​​writing "Fog".I want to write this novel, point out a way for him, draw his own character faithfully and show him, so that he can see his true face clearly. I wrote the first chapter of The Fog in a hurry.He saw me writing this novel and knew that I was writing the story between him and that girl. He was very happy, and he even urged me to finish writing it early.But the writing took me a few days.During this period, he went to Nanxiang to play.He came back to Shanghai a week later, and my novel was already written and waiting for him there. He came back at night.He eagerly read my manuscript.The change in his feelings was evident on his face.The more he read, the more ugly his face became.He had no idea that I would write the next few chapters.In fact, even I myself did not expect to write such a page.This is also involuntary for me.I love this friend, and I started writing The Fog with a lot of camaraderie in my chest.But as I continued to write, my hatred slowly rose, and after I wrote it, I was completely overwhelmed by hatred.I can't help but hate that kind of character.I love this friend, but I cannot forgive his character.I wrote The Fog, I dug out the heart of a friend, but I couldn't help trembling at the sight of it. After reading my manuscript, this friend said angrily: "It's unreasonable." I know how he feels, but I can't comfort him.We looked at each other in distress, as if there was a curtain between us.Neither of us usually smoked, but at this time we smoked wildly. The smoke covered our eyes and made us forget the world for a while. "You don't know me. You shouldn't have written it like this. You should have rewritten it." He suddenly let out a cry of pain. I shook my head in pain and replied, "I can't rewrite. Because I didn't mean to be sarcastic." He was silent for a while and suddenly said forcefully: "There are at least a few places that must be revised." He opened the manuscript and pointed out a few places that he thought were inappropriate for me to see. "Okay, I'll give it a try." It's also very difficult to say a word at this time.I immediately took the manuscript and deleted those places in front of him. He was still dissatisfied, but he had nothing to say.The next day he told another friend that my novel had disappointed him. When he came back from Nanxiang, he was full of enthusiasm and courage, but after reading my novel, he suddenly fell into the ice cellar. He sees nothing but darkness ahead of him.He could not find a ray of hope and light. He even thought of suicide. These words make me miserable, and I want to burn my novel for this friend.But on second thought, I changed my mind.I have carefully read the entire manuscript, and I feel that I have made no mistake in it.I'm writing about a character.I feel that my description is quite true.And this is not a unique example, there are quite a few people with this kind of character in China.Then I am creating a type, not describing my friend.So I can't burn my work for my friends.However, for the sake of reassuring this friend, I edited "The Fog" again, returned to him all the facts I had borrowed from him, and added a short statement at the beginning of the original manuscript. It is the preface of the original version of "Fog". This statement was also sent to my friends.He didn't say anything.Two or three months later, "Fog" was published successively in "Oriental Magazine".At that time, he had long forgotten the smell of muscle, and he no longer spoke home words.His timidity and hesitation have gradually washed away the traces of unrequited love.But he was encouraged by the friend who was suspected of being Chen Zhen, and began to express his affection for another girl.She is a woman without a little girlishness.My novels did not increase his courage, but they did not lessen it either.He also seems to have completely forgotten about it.A few months later, he married the Hunan girl, and at the beginning of the second year, "January 28" after the outbreak of the Anti-Japanese War in Shanghai.The couple set off to return to their hometown in Yunnan.However, friends scattered all over read "The Fog" and concluded who Zhou Rushui was. That's exactly what they say about his character. Chen Zhen is an important character in "The Fog". The friend who was regarded as "Wu Renmin" at first concluded that this was a portrayal of myself, because I was a good friend of "Zhou Rushui", and I had seriously persuaded "Zhou Rushui" "Ru Shui" several times, and said what Chen Zhen said, and that friend was there and heard it.Other friends thought that Chen Zhen was a friend surnamed Chen, because that person also suffered from lung disease, and he was a friend I respect and love.Later, someone said that Chen Zhen was a friend suffering from lung disease far away in Sichuan.Actually neither.Chen Zhen is a model I created, he is not my friend in real life.I may be a little bit like him myself, but the other two friends are more like him than I am, and a few passages in his diary were copied from a letter written by "Li Jianhong" to a friend.So who should he be?Actually he is nobody.He is just an ordinary person, he has his strengths and his weaknesses.I don't admire him because he is not an ideal character.But I loved him and his death grieved me.So in it, although he was run over by a car as soon as he appeared on the stage, his shadow shrouded the whole book. The words about Wu Renmin should be left behind.However, the "three petty bourgeois women" seem to have to be introduced here. I used the word "introduction" wrongly. There are no such three women among my friends.But I couldn't create them out of the void either.I have met some young women, not a small number.But I am not familiar with them at all (the ones I am familiar with are still a few girls in "Electricity").Although I am not familiar with them, I can also divide them into three categories and shape them into three types.In fact, three are not enough, but there is no room for so many in this limited space.So I only describe three kinds.Moreover, I may have made mistakes in describing these three typical descriptions, because I have never thoroughly understood them.But I know more about the women in "Thunder" and "Electricity". After "The Fog" was written, I had the idea of ​​writing "The Trilogy of Love", but I didn't have such a determination until its single volume was printed. Why call this "The Trilogy of Love"?Because I intend to make love the subject of these three serial novels.But they are nothing like ordinary romance novels.What I focus on is the description of character.I don't simply describe the love event itself, I just use the relationship of love to express the character of the protagonist.In the environment we're in right now, that might be a tricky way of writing it.But that seems to be beyond reproach.And I also believe that what characterizes a typical man most clearly is not his daily work, nor his speech, but his private life, especially his love affairs.I have seen a lot of people who act bravely outside and speak beautifully, but when he is in love with a woman, or when he returns home to live with his wife, his actions and words are stale It's ridiculous.Some people are very liberated in terms of social thinking, but they are very conservative in their sexual concepts.A person often cheats in "public" aspects, but often reveals his true colors in "private" aspects.Therefore, if we want to know the true face of a person, we can also start from his love affairs.Needless to say, I also know that the daily work is more important than love, and I also know that there are more important subjects than love.However, when I write these three novels about character, I choose love as the theme without hesitation, and call my novel "The Trilogy of Love". My plan at the time was this: write a vague, indecisive character in "The Fog"; progress; in the last part, an almost healthy character is described.As for the name of "Electricity", it was changed later.So in the preface of the book I just mentioned it. Not only did I not think of the name "Electricity", but even its content was different from my original plan.Although I said that in "Electricity" I still take love as the theme, but this is already very reluctant. After eight or nine months of writing, it was not written in one go. I wrote about five or six times, and each time I wrote only three or four days, and after the "January 28th" Anti-Japanese War in the middle, I went to Fujian again.I remember clearly: the first part of Chapter Five was written in the steerage of a steamship in Taiyuan, while the latter part was written in a ruined temple in Quanzhou.This ruined temple was the site of a private middle school at that time, and that middle school was closed down later. I wrote the first three chapters in a very bad mood.At the end of 1931, I had just finished writing the first three chapters of this novel. Two days later, on January 2, 1932, I wrote the following diary similar to the following in a desperate mood I recently found it from a pile of old books, so I copied it here as it is: Struggle, loneliness, darkness, disillusionment, and I have lived another year in this desert of the human heart. Heart, don't just hurt like this, give me a moment of peace, even a moment of peace can soothe my tired soul. I want strength, I want strength to keep fighting.Now is not the time to let go of everything.I still have tears and blood.Let me live, not to live, but to work. Don't let the mist blind my eyes, my path is infallible.I live for it, and I'm going to keep going my way. Heart, don't hurt anymore.Give me strength, give me strength to overcome all difficulties, make me stand up, stand up forever... The first three chapters of the book were written in this desperate struggle, so there is a strong sense of gloom in it.When they were published in a literary journal in Nanjing, the friend who was regarded as Wu Renmin (in which Wu Renmin is his portrayal) was also in Nanjing. He accidentally read them and wrote a letter: I read the first three chapters of your novel a few days ago. It is very well written, but it is too gloomy, and I am very disturbed for you.Why do you keep thinking about that terrible shadow?I hope you will pursue the bright side more.According to your tendency to develop, although the article will be written more powerfully, it may have a bad influence on the duree of your literary life.Naturally, I can understand your sorrowful mood under the dim light in the dead of night.But I always want you to work on the other side. I had just returned from a trip to Fujian at that time, and I brought with me the original manuscript of Chapter 5 written there.Three weeks of traveling and two days of steerage made me tired.I read such a letter, I am grateful to that friend, but I do not agree with him.I thought he didn't understand me, so I wrote the following answer and sent it to him: After reading your letter, I appreciate your kindness and concern, but I don't agree with what you said. I admit that you are a person who knows me better.We once again spent part of our lives together, and we fought together for a common goal.Don't you remember how we debated vehemently late into the night on the fifth floor of a Parisian hotel, with the interference of our cohabitants?In those times, the vision of a bright future is in front of our eyes, and the friendship of friends who speak various languages ​​​​burns in our breasts.I often say that I see the beauty of ideals in people, and I often use the verb embody in my letters to friends in London.Do you remember those blessed days? But now we are gradually separated.Life changes your character, you are gradually getting old. I haven't changed much, but there are some wounds in my body and heart.I am still the only friend who understands you.However, I am afraid that you will not be able to understand me gradually.Why do you still think that Chen Zhen is me?Can't you see the striking difference between me and him? You know, unlike many others, I was born with a gloomyness which almost ruined my happiness all my life.But my efforts to pursue the light have not stopped for a moment.My past short life is a record of struggle.My literary life also began during the most desperate period of my struggles. "Death" is my first novel.You were by my side when I started writing it.Later, I went to the countryside alone. When I continued to write "Destroyed" in the countryside, we exchanged many long letters, from whether the sun moved or not, to the evolution of human society, from determinism to you. My childhood philosophy and my philosophy of struggle.You know my painful mood at that time, you know that I was writing a novel, and you yourself were influenced by me to write your autobiographical novel.You know I've never been completely hopeless, I've never lost my faith in a bright future. You have only read the first three chapters.How I will write down in the future, you don't know yet.You say that the gloom in this novel is too heavy, but this gloom has never concealed the bright hope that runs through my whole work.I don't think about that shadow anymore.In fact, I've conquered it.You know that Condorcet wrote his last words before taking poison: "Science conquers death." Another poet said, "Love conquers death," which was also used by my daughter of "The Dead Sun" The protagonist repeats it.My love has conquered that shadow.My love for humanity inspires me and gives me the strength to fight against everything.So what inspires me to write under the dim light in the dead of night is not sorrow, but love, love for human beings.This love cannot die.In fact, as long as human beings do not perish, the love for human beings will not disappear, so my literary life will not be cut off... After the letter was sent, it was time for me to send the original manuscript of Chapter 5, I wrote a note to the general idea of ​​this reply and attached it to it, and published it in a magazine together with Chapter Five. That friend left Nanjing soon, and he never wrote to discuss the matter.A month later I continued to write Chapters 6 and 7, and after another three weeks I wrote from Chapter 8 to Chapter 16 in one go, and finished it in this way.When the booklet is published in the future, I will make some changes in chapter division and content. It is the sequel of "The Fog", but it is twice as large as "The Fog" in terms of volume. The story takes place two years later than "The Fog", and there are a few more characters.Although the theme is still love, the atmosphere of love in this novel is much weaker than that in "The Fog". I love it more, because I found a few friends in it, and these few people can hold my heart more than my friends in real life.My intended plan was to write a gruff, volatile character.I wrote Wu Renmin.My description is true.I observed the outer and inner life of that friend clearly and faithfully.His strengths and weaknesses, his longings and struggles, his sorrows and joys, his whole face is revealed in it.Although he himself read the separate book later, he once made some complaints with a smile, because some of what I wrote was not true.But we can't deny Wu Renmin's authenticity just because he has various shortcomings, and that friend naturally can't either.In fact, living and being a human being today, who can live without shortcomings? That friend, like me, has many shortcomings.If we have not eliminated these defects, we have no reason to conceal them.We should be true to others as well as to ourselves. That friend is still one of my best friends, and I always love him, but I have to admit that he is no longer the Wu Renmin in it.However, he is not Wu Renmin in "Electricity". Wu Renmin in "Electricity" may be him, but in fact he is not him at all.I don't know whether it is life that made him calm, or his enthusiasm has found sustenance. In short, when I met him in Shanghai when I came back from Japan recently, I really felt that he could be a university professor safely and securely.I wonder if he will recall his past life in a few years, or ten or so years later, or he will read this little book, and he will recognize a kind of unswerving friendship in it.He might know me better then, or he might know himself better.Who can regret being ashamed of the enthusiasm of youth? It's just a pity that this precious enthusiasm can't last long. Fang Yadan and Gao Zhiyuan appeared in it.Fang Yadan can be mentioned later, because he only showed his whole body in "Electricity".Go Chi Won is an important character in it.This is a real person.However, when he was written in "Electricity", he became an ideal character.No, this cannot be said to be an ideal character.If my friend was in the environment of "Electricity", his actions would not be different from Gao Zhiyuan's. This friend was a big boy, and he won the friendship of us all by his simplicity and sincerity.He has many faults, but he has more enthusiasm.His body was ruined by this passion.When he was studying in middle school, he drank too much and didn't know how to take care of his body. He would often lie on the grass in the campus and spend the night under a tree when he was drunk. The belly will hurt, and the pain can be temporarily relieved by taking Bagua pill.We therefore call him a "living weather watch".We call him that without any sense of ridicule.This nickname embodies our friendship and concern.We love him, but we have to watch him be destroyed day by day by that unquenchable passion and that piecemeal pain.Pushing a cane against one's belly is a ridiculous sight, but I could not help crying when I saw him do it. In it, I truly described the face of this friend.My book keeps this friend alive before my eyes forever.For that alone, I have to cherish it too. This friend has read the first five chapters, and was living with him in a living room somewhere in the French Concession when I wrote the fourth chapter.He had already left Shanghai when the sixth chapter was written.He had no chance to read the chapters after the eighth chapter because the publication was out of date, and he had already returned to his distant hometown. He came to see me the first two nights of our departure, and we had a good talk.I had to go to Hangzhou the next morning, and I couldn't take him on board.But this evening I sent him back to my room, thinking of all kinds of things and feeling lonely, so I wrote a letter to him with some words of advice in it. After returning from Hangzhou, I got his letter, which was a long letter, but he was already on the ship on the voyage. In his letter he said: I know your life will be lonelier when I'm gone, and I know mine will be lonelier when I'm gone.I would like us all to be in one place and see each other every day.However, this is impossible.Each of us has our work and our responsibilities... I may find some brave friends in the future, but I am afraid I will never find another who understands me like you do. He also said that he was willing to follow my advice, get rid of all bad habits, and try to do something practical.He even promised me that I would never drink again, that I would work in silence for five or ten years.In the end he said it was fine if I didn't send him on board, because he didn't want me to see him cry. He was ridiculed as a fool by many people, and called a savage by many women. He wandered on the edge of life several times without moving a little bit, but now he wrote such a letter.This camaraderie touched me very much. Later, when he went to his hometown, he sent a short letter reporting his safety.Not long after, I sent two English books that he had bought in Tokyo, which he had promised to send to me. I've only been to a text message.We will not communicate any more after that. I know he's still alive, but I don't know how he's doing now. Some people suspected that Zhang Xiaochuan was another good friend of mine.那也是一个被我敬爱过的友人。我在巴黎第一次见到他，他在我的过去生活中有过相当大的影响。但是他从法国回来以后的行为使我逐渐感到不满，后来我还当面责备过他。以后我还在《旅途随笔》里谈到他，因为有一次他从河南带了他自己教的一班学生，到江浙来参观，那些师范学校的学生拿了教育厅和县里的津贴和苏州买了大量的香粉，回去打扮他们的妻子。不过《旅途随笔》印成单行本时，我却把这一段删去了。那是前年的事。 我写张小川时，并不想责骂那个朋友：我憎恨的只是他的行为，并不是他本人。所以结果张小川就成了一部分知识分子的写照，而不单是我那个友人了。张小川这一类的人我不知道遇见过多少，只可惜在里面我写得太简单了。 张小川的好友李剑虹很像《天鹅之歌》里面的那个前辈友人，但我希望他不是。我写在我写《天鹅之歌》以前。那时这位友人刚从欧洲回来，我对他还抱着大的期望。但是我已经在担心爱情会毁坏他的一切了。 郑玉雯和熊智君是"三个小资产阶级的女性"以外的两种典型。这两个女人都是有过的，但可惜我表现得不太真实，因为我根本不认识她们，而且我是根据了一部分的事实而为她们虚构了两个结局。也许破坏我的描写的真实性的就是这两个结局。所以我不妨说这两个女人是完全从想象中生出来的。否则小说的读者想到那个抛弃女学生生活到工厂做女工、把自己献给崇高的理想、而终于走到官僚的怀里去的女郎，不知道会起何等的痛惜的感觉。 在里面周如水投黄浦江自杀了。单是一本《雾》已经使那个被单恋苦恼着的朋友"落到冰窑里面去了"。为什么我现在还要加上一个这样的结局？是不是一定要把他推下黑暗的深渊里去？No.事实上我的本意恰恰相反，我想用这个结局来把《雾》给那位朋友留下的不愉快的感觉去掉。其实他早已忘记了那回事情。我要用来证明周如水并不是他，所以里面的周如水的事情全是虚构的。 不过像周如水那样的性格要是继续发展下去，得到那样的结局，也是很可能的事。我亲手"杀死、周如水，并没有遗憾。然而他"死、了以后我却又很难过，我痛惜我从此失掉了一个好心的朋友。 出版以后不到一年我写了短篇小说《雷》。这是我从广东回上海后又从天津到北平、住在一个新婚的朋友(指小说家沈从文)家里的最初几天中间匆忙地写成的。这篇小说似乎结束得太快，有许多地方都被我省略了，后来才在《电》里面补写出来。这样一来我就无意地在《爱情的三部曲》里面加进了一个小小的插曲。 我在《旅途随笔》第一篇《海上》中写过这样的话：五月里，一个晴朗的早晨我离开了上海。那只和山东省城同名的船载着我缓缓地驶出黄浦江，向南方流去。时间是六点钟。 我是在前一个晚上上船的，有一位朋友同行。我们搭的是统舱，在船尾舱面上放着我们的帆布床。晚上落过大雨，把我们的铺盖都沭湿了。好几位朋友来船上送别，其中有一位就留在船上和我们整整谈了一个夜晚，一直到天明开船时，他才跨着大步上了岸。他的瘦长和身子消失在码头上拥挤的人丛中去了。这个朋友平日被我们称为粗暴的人，我们都知道他是憎恶女性的。但是他那晚却带了颤抖的声音向我们吐露了他的心底的秘密：他的恋爱的悲剧。去年先后有两个女性愿意把她们的爱情给他，却被他无情的拒绝了。他这样做，他自己也很感到痛苦。可是他并没有悔恨，因为他已经把自己献给一个崇高的理想，不能再有个人感情了。 这个朋友的叙述引起了我的赞美。自然在我的朋友中像这样拒绝爱情的并不止他一个。但是也有不少的人毫不顾惜地让爱情毁了他们的理想和事业，等到后来尝惯了生活的苦味，说出抱怨爱情的话来时，已经太迟了。 我对他说，我要写一个中篇小说，就叫做《雷》。朋友只是微微一笑，他的笑带了一点苦味。 《旅途随笔》的前一部分是在广州机器工会的宿舍和中山大学的生物研究室里写成的。在那些日子我白天到中山大学生物研究室去看蛙的生长或者跟一个朋友研究罗广庭博士的"生物自然发生的发明"，晚上一个人走过海珠桥回到河南机器工会的宿舍去睡觉。 我几次想提笔写那个计划中的中篇小说《雷》。倘使我写的话，《雷》的主人公就会真是那个瘦长的朋友了。但是那时候我却写了替达尔文学说辩护的文章跟罗广庭博士开玩笑，笔锋也触到了《东方杂志》的编者的身上，所以我的这篇文章便以"文笔太锐，致讥刺似不免稍甚，恐易引起误会"的理由被《东方杂志》拒绝登载了。后来它在《中学生》月刊发表时又被《东方杂志》的编者托人要求把"文笔太锐"的地方删去了一两处，以后便没有"引起误会"。不过我的文章受"凌迟之刑"，这是第一次。 后来我在北平写了《雷》，那时我的心情已有些改变，所以写出来的并不是中篇小说，而且也不是拿那个瘦长的朋友做"模特儿"了。 德这个人也许是不存在的，像他那样的性格我还没有见过。他虽然也有他的弱点，他虽然不能够固执地拒绝慧的引诱，但是他的勇气，他的热情，就像一个正在爆发的火山，没有东西能够阻止它，凡是拦阻它的道路的都会被它毁掉。它的这种爆发的结果会带来它自己的灭亡，但是它绝没有一点顾虑。这就像一些植物不得不开花一样，虽然明知花开以后，死亡就会跟着到来，但是它们仍然不得不开花。 德这个性格有时叫人害怕，有时叫人爱他。他的那样匆忙的死实在叫人痛惜。慧和影爱他，也是自然的事情。 德死了。可是他的老鹰一般的影子到现在还在我的原稿纸上面盘旋。我写德时，虽然知道并不是在写那那个粗暴的年轻，朋友，但是我仍然不能不想到他。我不但借用了他的两件事性，而且甚至在小说后面附加了下面的一段后记：提笔时我本来想写一个中篇小说，现在却写成了这个样子。我最不安的是在一种混乱的情形下面枪毙了那个朋友。别的友人读到这篇小说也许会生出种种误会。但那个朋友是能够了解的。我希望将来在一部长篇小说里使他复活起来。 后来《雷》收进集子里面，这段附记就让我删去了。我已经写了《电》，我拿了那个朋友做模特儿写了方亚丹。 平心地说起未，德也有点像那个年轻朋友。他有德的长处，也有德的弱点。他有热情，也有勇气。有人害怕他，也有人爱他；有人责骂他，也有人恭维他。但是真正了解他的，恐怕只有我一个人吧。所以他和许多人做过朋友而终于决裂，但是我们始终不曾吵一次架。自然我也不曾过分地赞扬他。他不是德，唯一的理由就是他绝不是一个像德那样的极端主义者。而且当我写这一段文章的时候，我手边还有他的一封旧信，里面有这样的话：××来信向我诉苦，说她这三个月来为我而肺痛（她原也吐血），苦得不堪，而且她用了使我不能完全了解的字眼警告我："如果以后有什么不幸的事情发生，我可没有责任了，因为我己把我的一切真情给朋友了。"朋友，竟有这样不幸的人间悲剧：我爱##，她却要弄到我吐血。××偷偷地爱我，爱到自己生病，而我竟不知道……德绝不会写出这样的信，方亚丹也不会的。但是我们能够不为这样的信所感动吗？让我祝福我的年轻朋友早日恢复健康，取得自己的幸福吧。 慧和影这两个女子是存在的，但是我一时指不出她们的真姓名来。有人说慧是某人，影是某人，另一个人的意见又跟第一个人的说法完全不同。我仔细想了一下，我说，我大概把几个人融合在一起，分成两类，写成了两个女子。所以粗略地一看觉得她们像某人和某人，而仔细地一看却又觉得她们跟某人和某人并不相像。 《雷》在《文学》一卷五号上发表了。过了一个多月我开始为第二卷的《文学》写作长篇小说《电》，打算这样来结束我的《爱情的三部曲》。