Chapter 31 Moon Tang Ji 12(1)

Moon Tang Ji 12(1) She has been trying to find a stable relationship with the world that can be maintained. This relationship, perhaps, is similar to the difficult pains a woman experiences in childbirth, trying to complete the division of her own body, even though the children tend to become independent once they leave the mother's womb.This kind of relationship is the loneliness that overflowed in the blood vessels and skin when her father died. That loneliness, hidden in her dark place, is unfathomable, and seems to shatter her body.This kind of relationship is the tattoo she has established on her skin, the bracelet she wears on her wrist, and her attitude towards her own body. She can die at any time in the unknown night, on the road that no one gets close to.This kind of relationship happened one day in August, when she knocked on the door of a room to attend a Bible reading meeting, she saw Qingyou who opened the door, a clean and gentle man wearing a white shirt.

He recognized her at a glance and was willing to marry her. If she needed him, he was willing to lead her and spend an unknown period of time with her. During the few months he had just lived with Qingyou, Shigemitsu had done nothing and hadn't seen anyone else.Just stay at home and run the family with him like swallows build a nest, and they are inseparable from him.She fell into a self-pause that she had never had before, and she had never been so dependent on a man, so nostalgic, so sometimes she was very fragile and shed tears for no reason.Qingyou was busy with work, and occasionally she was still socializing outside after eleven o'clock in the evening. She was reading alone in the study, and she couldn't help crying while waiting for him.She didn't know why she was like this.He was very nice to her, but she was always in tears.

Maybe there was a very long time on the road, and Shigemitsu was a person who was late. When she had to cross these roads, she gritted her teeth and remained silent, as if she was very numb to the touch of pain.Looking back and thinking about it, there is an unfathomable damage, bit by bit, it turns out that it has always been accumulated in my sensitive heart.Those bad patterns of emotional entanglement with men that started from the girlhood, torturing and hurting each other, will always cause contempt because of it.Those long-term vigilance, concessions and solitary elimination of the warmth and coldness of human feelings and the inconsistency of the world.Those feelings of endless disappointment and loneliness standing between heaven and earth... She was always waiting for someone who could hide her face in his palm.Waiting can be docked and rested.Even if you have to continue on the road in the future.

Now, a man has shown her mercy.Give her a committed and stable family, that is the security and emotion she has been missing.The psychological process of this huge change requires a stage of gradual adjustment. Sometimes after he fell asleep, she looked at his face, took his hand, kissed the back of his hand lightly, and shed tears.She really has a huge heart of gratitude to this man. She still doesn't believe that there is a so-called mythical love and marriage in the world, and that a man and a woman can be sweet and happy forever.The part of her and Qingyou's individual existence as individuals are extraordinarily independent, rigid and assertive, and there will be arguments and confrontations.If a young child with no experience is replaced, a quick marriage will only lead to a quick disintegration.But they are adults, and they are adults who have experienced complex experiences, so they will digest, absorb, and refine all this.Control and possession are fragile.She knows that in the final direction of the relationship, only kindness, commitment and tolerance can determine everything.

After an argument, Qingyou would quickly apologize to her and reflect on herself.During the initial running-in period, the hearts of each other that they did not fully understand gradually emerged bit by bit, and became real and profound bit by bit.She saw the little child in him, and he saw hers.Her kind-hearted motherhood can tolerate him and understand him.And he was willing to marry her when they knew each other for fifteen days.He bet on her.The stakes are not small. He waited so long cautiously and cleanly, and finally married a woman who insisted on her own way.No matter you tell her what to do or not to do, she will go against the grain. This is her youth.She used to be such a rebellious woman, and she often seemed silent, not expressing what was in her heart.Although the current personality is gradually becoming more balanced, it is still sensitive and depressive.Sometimes she gets angry with him, doesn't speak, and leaves without saying goodbye. He finds her at three or four in the morning, and she runs back to her house, gets drunk and falls asleep silently on the sofa.She challenged his psychological defenses.

They agree that each other is a precious and rare person in the world, so they pay a price for each other. This price is patience, sacrifice, forgiveness, concession, and fulfillment, so as to make the marriage complete, comprehensive, and continuous.Shigemitsu is very clear that the training and inspiration she has received in this matter surpasses many things she has done.This is life itself at its most practical.She knows how to respect and love a man.