Chapter 9 Chapter Four (Part 2)

Chapter Four (Part 2) 6 At the beginning of May, when I went to X Haiying for help, she asked me to sit upright on the bench, keep my chest up and my abdomen in, my eyes look straight ahead, my hands were placed between my knees, and I kept a focused appearance.And she sat lazily in a chair, even lying on the bed, watching me.My hemorrhoids are gone.In addition, I have also received gymnastics training - standing against the base of the wall for three hours, with my wrists tied to rings and two kettlebells hung on my feet; this is because our physical education teacher took a fancy to my short figure when I was in middle school and flexibility, he asked me to join his gymnastics team, and later found that I was too soft and always bent, so he adjusted me like this.All in all, I have suffered such a crime, and there is nothing I can't bear.In addition, X Haiying was always staring at me, yelling at me from time to time.Gradually, I felt that this kind of scolding was flirtatious.Because it was a man and a woman alone in a room, no matter how vicious she was, there was a sense of flirting.In view of my status as a backward youth at the time, thinking like this really made me feel like I was swollen and fat.

Later, when I went to the United States, I read books like "Nine and a Half Weeks" and read through Freud's works.The former provides some perceptual knowledge, while the latter provides a theoretical argument.This knowledge has a lot to do with us, because the distance between Chinese people and people is too close, and in other parts of the world, except for sexual partners, they will not be so close, so all kinds of thoughts are all traces of sexual love.Freud said that masochism is formed in this way: if a person is in an insurmountable pain, he will fall in love with this pain and regard it as happiness.From my personal experience, there is some truth to this statement.But he was not quite right about the causes of sadism.In addition to innate sadism, there is also a kind of sadism that is recruited by masochism.In this regard, many examples can be cited.The following example is extracted from a book about the Russo-Japanese naval battle in 1905. At that time, the Japanese did not declare war, but they killed several Russian warships parked outside the mouth of Lushun:

"The Imperial Russian Navy parked its warships in the open sea, and they did not protect them, inviting people to attack. Our Imperial Navy accepted the call and won great honor." According to this statement, the Russians parked their warships in the open sea without protection, as if they were sticking their butts.The Japanese torpedo boats are a team of call girls in black leather clothes, brandishing whips and rushing to spank their buttocks, which is to provide a kind of sexual service.Behind this narrative, there is a feeling of being recruited out and helpless.Another example is that in a book written by a former Nazi, it is said that seeing Jews with shaved bald heads, wearing yellow triangles on their chests, and walking obediently, I feel itchy in my heart, and I feel that I have to go and knock a few on the top of those bald heads. big bag.If these examples are not enough, you can ask the Red Guards in the Cultural Revolution why they shaved the heads of the "ghosts and snakes" and painted their faces colorfully. How could there be such wonderful thoughts?Other examples are some intellectuals in our country, who were originally pedantic, silly, and extremely cute.I hit him once, and said it felt great, and I wish I could get another hit sometime.How can leaders resist this temptation?So I labeled them as rightists.I saw that Zhan Ba ​​was white and innocent, and I also thought he was extremely cute, and I would feel sorry for him if I didn't hit him.And when I was being taught by X Haiying, because I was nervous, I was stupid and stupid, so it's no wonder she wanted to abuse me.These explanations can actually be summed up in one sentence: If someone always wins the lottery, he will become a masochist.If someone hits the lottery all the time, she becomes sadistic.Other explanations are purely superfluous.

When X Haiying goes out, as long as I am not on duty, he will take me with him.I said: So you locked me up, didn't you?She said: It used to be locked, but now it is not; because "you look through my drawer".In this way, I was taken to the company Youth League Committee.When others saw her, they asked her: Who is this young man? X Haiying said: There is a backward young man in our factory named Wang Er.Hearing such an introduction, I was in a daze.Until she called me: Wang Er, tell me about the bad things you did!I just came back to my senses.Then I briefly introduced: I broke a rib of Zhanba, the branch committee member of our factory.She said: Speak carefully!I said, "It's like this. I twisted Zhan Ba's collar, and the first punch hit his right eye, the second punch hit his left eye, and the rest of the punches hit his weak spot...X Haiying said: enough!You go outside and wait for me.So I went to stand outside the office, with my hands crossed on my chest, and I heard the giggling inside.

When X Haiying went to the company, he rode a bicycle and I ran behind.In order to hide from Lao Lu, I put my bicycle in the winery next door. If you climb the wall, the distance is very short, and if you walk from the ground, it will be a long way.When I run, like all small, well-built people, I keep my arms close to my body, and my stride is tight, so that I can appear taller.When following behind X Haiying, he looked even more like a horse.As I ran, I sang a song, the chorus of the slaves from the opera Aida—because I felt like a slave.The biggest flaw of my person is not color blindness, but tone blindness.No one can ever hear what I'm singing.That is to say, at any time, in any era, I am free to sing whatever I want.Of course, my singing is also absolutely ugly.But I am not illiterate, that is to say, the words I write can be understood by others.That said, I'm not free to write whatever I want when I want.In addition to not being free, I can't guarantee that what I write will be good-looking.In my opinion this one is the worst.

When I sat up straight in front of X Haiying, there was gradually nothing to say between the two of us.At the same time, the little house gradually turned green.This is because the weather-beaten trees in the yard are gradually growing leaves, and those leaves reflect light in the windows.The names of those trees are "what elm", "what plum" and so on, which are hard to remember. The hunchbacks and hunchbacks of the hunchbacks all look like little old men; the warts on those trees are like birthday stars Old fleshy forehead.People say that no matter what kind of animal it is, it will live long after being eunuched.So I suspect the trees are all castrated.There is also an alder tree in the yard, which grows crazily, probably no older than me, and has grown so large that no one can hold it; the trunk of the tree is cracked, and several dark streams of water flow out, and the tree must not have been castrated. .That tree always grows caterpillars, unlike those elms and plums, which don't grow anything.I straightened my neck on that stool and watched the trees grow leaves. When I was fascinated, I often forgot who I was, and even more forgot who X Haiying was. At the same time, I remembered every tree in the yard. look like.After it snows in winter, someone piles the snow under the tree roots.The courtyard was so deep that the sky was not visible, and the snow did not melt for a long time, but it gradually turned black, shrunk down, and finally turned into a layer of mud.By this time, all the leaves that should have grown have grown, and the yard has become a rich green.The original stench of this yard has seeped into the leaves, so I can't see it anymore.On the contrary, you can smell the fresh air of leaves.At this time, I vaguely thought: There may be a blood relationship between me and trees-how I like trees!As a tree, you can deal with everything with equanimity.That was the case in the spring of 1974.

Later, when my wife and I went to England to play, we rode rented bicycles on the narrow roads in the English countryside.Walking to a place, I saw a large forest in the fence on the side of the road.She said get in, and we'll get in the fence.After entering, I met a big dog.I gave it a hard look, and it ran away.Then we went into the woods, which were thick green and filled with white mist.My wife yelled: What a forest!Let's make a bad one!So we broke down.Enjoy a sex with mist, grass smell and silence.After it was broken, I walked around in the woods again.Suddenly I ran into that dog again, and now I stared at it again, but it stopped running and barked instead.Then out came a man behind the dog with a double-barreled shotgun in his elbow.The man gave us a hard look (there was nothing but goosebumps on both of us at this time), then he smiled silently and said: Put on your clothes and drink coffee.The man couldn't help laughing over coffee, but my wife was as calm as ever.Before leaving, he asked him if he would eat candy.It was an old man with a banana face.When he sent us out of the gate, he secretly said to me: Your wife is really amazing.But I didn't say a word from the beginning to the end, maintaining a calm attitude.It wasn't until I got out of his house that I realized I was thinking: take his shotgun and shoot him in the chest.Of course, it is very bad to do this kind of thing, at least it can be called repaying virtue with resentment.But there's nothing wrong with just thinking about it.

In the spring of 1974, I sat on a chair and looked at the trees in the yard without saying a word. X Haiying lay on the bed and looked at his watch. When the time came, he jumped up and said: Let's go!I just walked with her, running behind the bike, never asking where she was going.Or seeing that it was getting late, she sat up and handed me a lunch box, saying: "Dafan", I will go out and make her a fried lump, although I also want to ask her if she is tired of eating this kind of food all day long Tired, but I never ask.After dark, she stretched herself and said, "I'm sleepy; I walked out of this house, closed the door carefully, and went home by myself."

X Haiying talked to me more and more concisely, and gradually lost the subject.For example, if you tell me to sit up straight, you can say "sit up straight", and if you ask me to cook for her, you can say "make rice"!Tell me to go with her, just say: "Go", these words are concise, but I gradually don't know who I am.Later, she gradually stopped talking and used gestures instead: tell me to sit up straight and point up, point to the lunch box if I want to cook, point to the door if I want to go home, let me go with her, what? Needless to say, I will naturally follow.She pointed, and I began to talk about what happened to me in the past.In this way, my heart is clear in front of her, and when it comes time to do something, I will naturally do it.In these simple movements, the fun gradually arises, and it lasts for a long time.I often dream of X Haiying hanging her from a crooked neck tree, first kissing and caressing her, then stripping her naked and raping her.I love X Seahawks that much because there is no other choice.