Chapter 3 Chapter 1 (Part 2)

Chapter 1 (Part 2) 6 I am now forty years old, neither a painter nor a mathematician, nor a tofu worker, but an engineer.This came as a surprise to everyone (including my family and those who knew me in the past), but it didn't surprise me at all.Back in time when I was young, there was a large chicken coop in front of the door for a while, and the scars on my hands had already healed.Looking down from the balcony on the second floor where I live, I can see a large honeycomb-like place in front of me, because these chicken coops are open spaces separated by various materials.Among those materials are plywood, tin, branches and branches, etc. The original idea was to use these things to keep the chickens in the pen, but you can see a lot of chickens in the pen at any time. Strutting around in the clearing, and everywhere you smell chicken shit, the same smell as unfiltered Camels.In addition to the chicken coop in the open space in front of the building, there are also chickens raised on the balcony upstairs.There is a rooster that often takes off downstairs and flies to the balcony on the fourth floor above my head.I can tell when it takes off from its strolling posture, so I rarely miss these take-off scenes.Usually it squats on the ground, then jumps into the air and flaps its wings desperately, and then it rises from the ground.According to my observations, it can only overcome gravity instantaneously and rise vertically, but it is unlikely to be able to fly freely; because it often misses the balcony and falls from the sky again.At that time, I was very fascinated to see the chicken flying on the balcony, but I didn't know what it meant.Nearly thirty years later, when I went to St. Louis, USA, and took a photo with a vertical take-off and landing Harrier fighter under the famous stainless steel arch, I remembered this incident with a hint of annoyance.This is because the shape of the plane is very similar to that of the rooster, and it flies even more like that.My chagrin is that I should have invented the airplane.All these things show that besides climbing, there is another theme in my life, which is invention.This is also my innate character, although so far, I have not invented anything remarkable.

I was starving as a kid, and there were chicken coops in front of our house during that time.But if you think that Chinese universities are full of chicken coops, you are wrong-that period of time was not long, and not only chickens were raised, but also many rabbits were raised, because rabbits can also be killed and eaten.Not just starvation, but lack of everything.But money is not included in the missing things, but you can't buy anything with money without tickets, except for popsicles that only contain water and sticks.Things like money are useless if you can't buy things. It's too hard to wipe your ass, and it's illegal.Even my father, who is the most supportive of socialism, thinks it is too much to vote for green vegetables.One day at home, I heard someone downstairs yelling: Spinach, no food ticket!My grandma sent me to buy it.I bought a bunch of spinach, which is much taller than me.It can only be used to feed rabbits, not chickens, because they will choke to death.My grandma is an old lady with small feet from the countryside. She bit her finger and said: I have never seen such an old spinach!Later, she tried to extract fibers from spinach to make shoe soles, but failed.This shows that my grandma also has the character of invention.And if there's nothing in the stomach, everyone's dreaming.

I didn't have toilet paper when I was a kid, my dad sent promotional material from 1958 into the bathroom and let us wipe our asses with it.A lot of those materials were about inventions and creations. I was fascinated by watching these things in the toilet.Meanwhile, my older siblings lined up in front of the bathroom door, pounding on the door with their fists, but I couldn't hear a bit.Some of those inventions are very general, such as how to make ball bearings with carved wood beads, and use pots to boil manure to make fertilizers, etc., without any imagination.But there are also some that stand out.For example, this one: Suppose there is a pig that can only grow eight taels a day under normal feeding conditions, and the present invention can make it grow to a catty and a half. The method is to use a catty of peanut oil and add two egg yolks intramuscular injection.It is said that the pigs fed in this way are not only obese, but also very tender.At that time, I thought that although this invention is good, it is not perfect.Some soy sauce and cooking wine should be added to make it a huge Cantonese sausage before being knifed.Honestly, it hurts me to wipe my ass with these inventions.Of course, it is not only inventions that are used to wipe asses, but other things.For example, there are many mimeographed poetry anthologies.In 1958, not only were everyone making inventions, but everyone also wanted to write poems and participate in poetry competitions.My brother was in the third grade in 1958. When he was too hungry to sleep at night, he read me a poem written by him:

communism, It didn't come easily. If you want to come early, Everyone works hard. He also told me that when communism came, the eyes on the cornbread became smaller (the eyes on the cornbow are too big, and you won’t be hungry after eating it).I also found this poem in an anthology of mimeographed poems, and it was indicated that it was written by Wang, a third-grade student of the attached primary school.I didn't hesitate to use my brother's work as toilet paper.Although I was only nine years old at the time, I also thought it was a crooked poem.I just like to invent.My brother had discovered early on that I liked to invent, and he asserted that I had an astonishing talent for it.But until now, I have not been able to use this talent.

After talking about the corn bread of communism, I felt that I couldn't bear the hunger, so the two of us slipped out of the house and stole carrots from other people's fields to eat.Tender carrots are not sweet, so they are not tasty at all.Since I was a child, I have done this bad thing.And I have confessed this bad thing several times.This can show how innocent I am. With regard to the great invention of 1958 and the poetry competition, there is still something to be added.It's not as romantic as I imagined when I was a child-for example, at that time, there were indicators for inventions, and our university had to come up with 3,000 inventions and 30,000 poems every month.Indicators are the sworn enemy of all romance.If my superiors ordered me to have sex with my wife three times a week, I would castrate myself.If the indicator is removed, Dafa and Saishi will be very good.It's a pity that it later caused everyone to starve to death.For a while, everyone was eager to invent a way to stop hunger, and I thought about it too.

When I was hungry, my eyes were green, and the happiest moment was before meals, because I could eat them.The most unfortunate moment is after meals, because there is nothing to eat.Then one day (at the age of twelve), I suddenly felt uncomfortable all over, as if I was sick, and seemed to be another person.After thinking about it carefully, I realized that it was because I was not hungry anymore.The urge to invent waned when I was full, but I had invented many things, including a pistol that used match heads as powder charges, a crossbow that fired bicycle bars, and so on.I hunt with these weapons, and whatever I catch I burn and eat.Once I ate a little hedgehog, and I got allergy bumps like lupus erythematosus.For this reason, my father gave me another good beating.

7 When I was a child, I felt that I was born at a bad time, and that in the future, there would be three disasters and six disasters.It's not like a child's idea, but it's the way it is.I have much to add on this point.At the beginning of this novel, I called myself Wang Er, and started to tell the story calmly. When I talked about a place, I would inevitably change my tone and tell it in the first person.One thing compels me to do so.As a kid I ran out to the school playground and saw a purple sky, which I can tell in the third person, too, until I cut my arm.This is because the third person has a virtual element, and I still have a scar on my arm.When it comes to cutting the arm, the virtual is over.

When I was six years old, I cut my arm, and I howled and thought, What a pity!I don't know what disaster is waiting for me.Now when I play bridge, I always say something like this before I look at a card: I don’t know what kind of stinky card it is!If you are playing a game, your opponent will shake your head again and again.But this incident does not mean that I am not a gentleman, it only means that I am an incurable pessimist.When I was twenty-two years old, I was chased by Lao Lu in the tofu factory and ran around, and I also had such thoughts.Zhan Ba, who was in the same class as me, can testify. At that time, I kept telling him: I still have to be unlucky, because good luck never comes without double, and misfortune never comes singly.Sure enough, within a few days, I beat Zhan Ba, breaking the cartilage on the tips of his ribs.

Zhan Ba ​​looks fair and clean. Although he is half a head taller than me, he has no strength at all.Her eyes are as big as a dragonfly, her shoulders are sloping, her chest is pectus excavatum, and her voice is deep but sissy.His penis is childish, phimosis.I know everything about this guy because the two of us used to go to the winery to take a bath together, and I later hit him and the bath had something to do with it.I never imagined that one day I would beat him up. This is because he is the only buddy I have in the factory. If I beat him up, what will others think of me?But because of the unfavorable fleeting time, things that shouldn't have happened also happened.

Wang Er beat Zhanba like this: the previous afternoon, when someone else came to take over the shift, he said to Zhanba: Zhan, let's go to the winery to take a bath, you take the soap.Zhan Ba ​​didn't say a word, just took the soap and followed.This reminded him that this guy didn't talk much today, which was very suspicious.After arriving at the changing room in the bathroom of the winery, Zhan Ba ​​let him in again after undressing.So after he got into the bath, he turned back immediately and saw Zhan Ba ​​put his hand into the pocket of his jacket, first touched the left pocket, then the right pocket, and took out a half-stuffed cigarette from it. .This made him immediately think of Zhan Ba ​​looking for charcoal sticks in his pocket.Having said this, I can't call myself Wang Er, because I had a feeling at the time that it was not enough to express it without using the first person.As far as I know, at most one in 10,000 people will completely cut their forearm at the age of six. Similarly, only one in 10,000 people will be suspected of making counter-revolutionary pornographic paintings and have their pockets searched treatment.This one-in-a-million feeling is like hitting the jackpot.It feels like a test tube of ice water is being poured into the brain from a certain acupuncture point on the top of the head.

Of course, the search for me was an arrangement from the leadership—to search the pockets of suspicious individuals, to find charcoal sticks with counter-revolutionary obscenities—but it was not Zhan Ba's turn to search my pockets.I was very angry at the time, but I didn't think of beating.Later in the bath, looking at his naked body, I suddenly felt that it would be impossible not to beat him.The next day he went out of my pocket again, and by this time I had completely figured out how to beat him.He could have been beaten until he was speechless, but whoever thought that his hand was wrong and actually dealt the damage that the x-rays showed, this time he fell to the point of being wronged again.But it wasn't intentional. When I fought with someone when I was a child, I always beat the other person's ribs. I never broke anything. If I knew it would break his ribs, I would never hit him there. After those paintings were released in our factory, Lao Lu yelled and called the Public Security Bureau to ask them to solve the case.The Public Security Bureau pushed it to the police station, and the police station sent a policeman to look at it and said that it should be resolved by your unit.In the end, the security department of the company came to an old Liu with oil stains on his clothes, his face was flushed with alcohol, and he held a Zeiss camera mass-produced in the 1940s, went into the toilet to take a picture, and consumed a child Fist-sized flash bulbs.The light bulb used to be stuffed with rotten paper-like magnesium foil. After it flickered, it became white and opaque, like a cataracted eyeball.But I didn't have any photos when I asked for them later, because I forgot to put the negatives when taking pictures.It was impossible to ask him to make up shots, because that was the last flash bulb, and there was no more, and he couldn’t buy it even if he wanted to.This obviously did not take Lao Lu's business seriously.I also know this old Liu. According to me, he is an out-and-out villain. The difference from me is that he has never had any accidents in his life.Lao Lu was very angry, and he came to solve the case by himself, and called a meeting of good people (party members and members of the Communist Youth League) from the whole factory.I think their first step is to find the real evidence of Wang Er's crime.Zhan Ba ​​was also one of the participants. There is something to add about those paintings.Suppose you are Lao Lu, living in that boring era, there is nothing to wear every day except a Chinese-style padded jacket and a felt-covered woolen nest, and there is nothing to do except carry a black artificial leather bag to meetings, of course you will Annoying as hell.Now that the pictures were in the men's room and she was the center of attention, she certainly had to feel excited and want to make a difference.I can understand all these.What I can't understand is why she chose me as a victim.Now I think, maybe it's because I always wear black leather clothes, or because I want to be a painter.Whatever it was, I didn't look like a nice guy, that's for sure. 8 The fact that I am not a good person can be proved by the following: When I went to the United States to study abroad, I worked part-time in a restaurant serving dishes.There are a few weird foreign girls who come to my table to eat all the time, and they give a lot of tips.Besides, he said some things that I didn't understand.After a while, the boss stopped working at the front desk and asked me to wash dishes at the back.He also said that it was none of his business, it was other guests who told him I was indecent.In fact, I have nothing wrong with me except that I have a fierce face and I like to wear black leather clothes.Wearing black leather has been my habit since I was a child. I just want it to be dirty and wear-resistant, and I don't want to tease anyone at all.But if I were a good person, I wouldn't wear black leather, no matter how well-worn it might be. Before I beat Zhan Ba, I grabbed him by the collar and yelled "There's a thief" for two or three minutes, calling out everyone in the bath.I was naked and lathered.Zhan Ba ​​was ashamed and angry, and couldn't break free, so he slapped me several times involuntarily.This matter is completely within my calculations, because whoever fights first will ignore it at any time.I didn't start beating him until everyone saw that he hit me first.At that time, Zhan Ba ​​took half of his clothes off, he was still wearing a sweater on his upper body, and the lower half was wearing cotton wool pants with an opening in the middle, from which half of his childish penis was exposed, like half of a fish's intestines protruding from a cat's mouth; Not as neat as me who doesn't wear anything.I glanced at him before doing it, saw this, and then started to fight.The first punch hit his right eye socket, blacking out that eye.Immediately I realized that one eye was black and the other white was ugly, so out of good intentions I punched the left eye again, which made Zhan Ba ​​look quite good.There are some things to add about this point: first, Zhan Ba ​​has fair skin and big eyes; second, he has double eyelids.Finally, he is sunken eye socket.In short, the eyes are more charming after darkening.The masters of the winery all applauded me.At that time, I may have been a little carried away, and I forgot that fighting is still a matter of whoever breaks someone else is to blame.I was naked at the time, very excited about the spanking, and I was in an erect state. The thing was straight up, like an ancient Sinan (Sinan is the predecessor of the compass, a magnetic spoon in a lacquer plate, the handle of which is always pointing to the right direction. Nan—and I, Si Nan, pointed to Zhan Ba), and later he complained: “I was so proud of beating me—it was straight!”Of course, this is a misunderstanding, I have a lot of pictures of ancient Greek pottery paintings, drawing some naked runners, which can prove that people have to be straight when they are vigorously exercising.Beating Zhanba is a kind of strenuous exercise.This is because the adrenaline level is high, there is no sexual connotation, and it does not mean that I am sadistic.I was also injured, and I developed tenosynovitis in my right hand, but I didn't dare to mention this incident later, because it was caused by clenching a fist and bumping into someone's body.The result of my beating him was that he was given the notoriety of being a thief—although it was the task assigned by the leader for him to dig out my pocket, but it was a secret job (undercover), and the leader would never admit to himself Someone was sent to search the pockets of the employees; I also got the name of a vicious gangster.In my opinion, that's a fair result, and we can get over our differences, but once he gets to work, he sits on the toolbox, doesn't do any work, and stares at me like he's been raped.After being stared anxiously, I said: Zhan Ba, don't just think that you are right.Think about it for me, I am a careless person, if one day I accidentally put charcoal sticks in my pocket and brought them to the factory and you search them out, wouldn't it be over!Will I beat you up?This sentence ticked off his words.He complained that I beat him up like a hooligan, all the way.That is to say, he also admitted that I was justified in beating him, but I shouldn't have hit him so hard.I also have reasons for this: first, if I had charcoal sticks in my pocket, the consequences of being searched by him would be unimaginable, so he was the first to do the murder; He beat him like this, so it was his own fault too.So the two of us argued.In sophistry as in fighting, he was no match for me.At the end of the fight, he began to cry very hopelessly. After Zhan Ba ​​healed, the bruises on his eyes took a long time to disappear.During that time, there seemed to be black lace on his eyelids, and when he looked closely, he could still see black particles emanating from the deep sunken eye sockets.During this time, I often looked at my own masterpiece for a long time.Anyway, those are two good looking pieces. Zhan Ba ​​is an easy-going kid, and he often asks me questions at work, sometimes geometry problems, sometimes allusions, and I try my best to answer him.Once he asked me: What is "a Zhan Ba ​​poking in", which really stumped me.I asked him where he saw it, but he still didn't tell me.Later, I figured it out by myself, it must have been watched on A Dream of Red Mansions!The dick on the Dream of the Red Chamber is bordered by the character Mao (I really doubt that Cao Xueqin made up the character himself), and he recognized it as Zhan Ba.From then on I called him Zhan Ba, A Zhan, Xiao Zhan and so on.I listened to a Beatles song on shortwave one night and sang it to that score the next day at work: blah blah blah blah blah blah.When others heard me calling him Zhan Ba, they called him too.At the beginning Zhan Ba ​​was furious when he heard the name, and wanted to fight me desperately (of course he also understood what Zhan Ba ​​meant at this time), but he couldn't get close to me, so I grabbed my wrist and pushed them away.Later everyone called him Zhan Ba, and he had no choice but to agree.Since then, he has no other name but Zhan Ba.Who would have thought that he would hold a grudge against me because of this, and even take part in the conspiracy to persecute me.This shows that he is a mean person.But he disagreed with this evaluation, and retorted that if he called me Zhanba and I agreed, then he would admit that he was a despicable person.I didn't do the experiment with him, because whether he was a scumbag or not, my troubles were all over me.Under such circumstances, why should I admit that I am Zhan Ba? I beat up Zhan Ba ​​and broke him, so Lao Lu called the police and asked them to arrest me.But her voice was too loud when she spoke, and her appearance was too strange, which made the police pay more attention.They didn't come to arrest me, they went to the hospital to see Zhan Ba ​​first.This time Zhan Ba ​​showed his true nature and told the police that we were playing around and Wang Er accidentally injured him.He also said that we were buddies and he would be very sad if I were taken away.After hearing these words, the police comrades turned around and went back to the police station, refusing to come no matter how much they called.But this can only keep me safe for the time being, because Lao Lu has already got his resignation, and every time he holds a meeting, he says: A gangster like Wang Er, a murderer, a scumbag, why should we shield him?After all, the issue of tofu was difficult to mention on the agenda of the meeting, and everyone was very annoyed.Besides, she is the boss after all, so everyone started to hate me.I heard that the leaders of the factory have decided to send me out as soon as they have a suitable opportunity. If they can send me to a labor camp, they will do it.In addition, all the workers and masters no longer sympathized with me.I used to climb to the skylight in the kitchen to hang the meal ticket and lunch box during lunch, and the master chef rushed to serve me.Lao Lu yelled that he would not be given food, but the master dared to reply: people are like iron and rice is steel, how can we not let him eat?It’s not going to work now, people don’t give me a meal, and they say: Come down, you boy, you can hide from the first day of the junior high school, but you can’t hide from the fifteenth!Fortunately, there was Zhan Ba ​​who would cook for me, otherwise I would have to starve at noon.The real meaning of this incident is that I committed a crime.Born a villain, if you don't commit crimes all your life, you can enjoy your life.If you commit a crime, it will be like a homosexual who has AIDS, and it will be over soon. Everyone hates me, I can't hate everyone, this attitude is called anti-humanity.I can't hate Lao Lu either, she is the leader.I just hate the person who painted a nude woman and told me to take the blame. I swear that if I catch him, I will beat him.But even I couldn't figure out who he was.Zhan Ba ​​said, that's it, Wang Er, don't pretend.Just the two of us here.What I said made me flicker, and I almost believed that I drew those pictures myself, but I also remembered that I did not have the problem of sleepwalking.Besides, my home is far away from the factory, and I can't even swim here.It took three years for this mystery to be revealed, that is to say, in 1977.That year, a guy named Wotou from our factory was admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts.This Wotou said that he has three things that people can't figure out: 1. Whether he is male or female; 2. Can he speak? 3. Does he have black eyes? This is because he rolls his eyes too much.How can I not imagine that in a small tofu factory, besides me, there is someone who can draw and is not color-blind. I was surprised and forgot to beat him. 9 Regarding Zhanba, I have a lot to add.I've always loved him, and it's never because I'm gay.I was a small man with heavy hair, and my voice was hoarse when I spoke. Zhan Ba ​​was a tall, well-mannered man with a thick nasal voice.I want to stay with him forever, but it's impossible.No matter where I went, I never forgot to send him a postcard.For example, in front of St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, I wrote such a postcard: Dear Felt: I'm in Rome.The next stop is Austria. Wang Er I did this because Zhan Ba ​​collected stamps.Writing to him presents a peculiar difficulty: I never remember his surname;Of course his surname is not Zhan.He took out my pocket to look for charcoal sticks, not for the secret report to Lao Lu, but because someone else instructed him.He has very forgivable motives in this matter.But he's too cute not to.If a strong man of eighty kilograms offends me like this, of course I will also be angry, but the anger must be within the range of not being able to fight, because the latter is too unlovable to fight. Later, when I returned to China, as soon as I saw Zhan Ba, he screamed and rushed towards me, trying to strangle me by the neck.It was all because of my postcard, and everyone knew that he was Zhan Ba.Originally, he was desperately trying to get into medical school because he wanted to leave the tofu factory and stop being called Zhan Ba.But when he became a doctor, I sent him these postcards and ruined all his efforts.Now even the little nurse who just graduated from nursing school calls him Dr. Zhan, which really pissed him off.If I were asked to draw Zhan Ba, I would draw him as a premature fetus, with a forehead like that of a birthday star, eyes like an old catfish, which cannot be opened or closed, and there is a lump on his neck that looks like a gill. same thing.The hands and feet look like frogs, and they can't open their fists together.His whole body was huddled together, and there was a tail, wrapped in a transparent membrane.If he is not like this now, at least he was like this before he was born.As soon as I saw Zhan Ba, I had to imagine what he looked like in the womb.I love him the way he was in the womb, and I love him the way he is now.I love him to the point of death.