Chapter 5 Chapter 1

Next: Myself Chapter One I was disqualified, that is, my old ID card, credit cards, housing, car, two academic licenses.Even my two PhDs were cancelled.All my papers, files, records were destroyed - paper went into a shredder, magnetic records were degaussed.At the same time, the money account between me and the company (the full name is Social Security Comprehensive Management Company) is also settled-this account is calculated like this: everything about me belongs to them, including myself; Yu went to jail.People in the company told me that if you are handed over to the judiciary, you will be sentenced to at least 30 years in prison and may have a hole in your head, but we do not want this to happen-this shows that our work is not good enough. do well.They gave me a new identity, my name was M, I had a crappy high school diploma, got me a job as a laborer at a construction company, and gave me five bucks - considering my five bucks in the bank The deposit of 100,000 yuan will be owned by the company, and it is really too little to give this little money-then drive me to a new residence, and there is one thing that they don't need to give, which is my new look.Before the resettlement, I had a little belly, and I could even say that I was gaining weight, but now I have a sharp-billed monkey cheek.

One thing must be added, I am now making not only explicit mistakes, but insinuative ones, which are beyond redemption.This latter error will be discovered by the company's ideological education research.I absolutely dare not say that the company reported me like this to expand its own turnover.I'm just saying, there is such a thing. At this point, the story should start again: On the afternoon of a certain day in a certain year, there was a M, a thin, tall, thirty-year-old man, wearing a loose white silk shirt, a pair of black woolen trousers, With a pair of thick-soled leather shoes, he got into a big black car (this car is a bit like a funeral car, and it is also called a delivery car), and headed to a place he didn't know in the eastern suburbs.He was accompanied by two men in black, and they kept beating his head and slapping his cheeks in the back seat of the car, unbuttoning his shirt collar, revealing a small piece of pale, thin chest, saying Bitter words, but meant to cheer him up.Later, the car stopped in front of an old brick building built in the 1950s, and the person who went with him pushed him on the back and said: You are here, and handed him a narrow-line printing paper, saying : Everything that should be remembered is above. M got out of the car, took a few steps, and tapped the front door, and the driver lowered the glass. M said: Can you give me some cigarettes?The driver took out a cigarette case, looked inside, and said: There are six more.Handed it to him, and asked: Is there anything else? M shook his head, turned around, and the car drove away behind him.

At this time, the sky will be dark, and there are many messy small sheds in front of the old building.Because it was a bit cold, M shivered.Then he went into the old building and climbed the brick exposed stairs."407" was written on that piece of paper, which was No. 7 on the fourth floor.There wasn't a single light in the hallway, so I couldn't tell what the number was.So he knocked on the door of the house casually. When the door opened, a small woman held the door leaf with her shoulders. M thought, I should let her see clearly, lest she not trust me and just stand silently.From the open door came the smell of mutton stewed turnips.As far as I know, M is neither fond of lamb nor turnips, so he wrinkled his nose at the smell.When the woman saw him clearly, she stepped aside to open the door, turned her head in, and M walked in.It was very hot in the house because there was a fire in one room.She pointed with her finger and said, "Go inside, watch the child for me, and I'll have dinner in a while." M walked inside, bypassing the old refrigerator and broken furniture, and walked into a room that smelled of urine. There were two small beds, and two babies were lying on the bed, with pacifiers in their mouths, staring at each other. squinting at him. M thought, you must not cry, I really don't know what to do when I cry.A dim lamp was lit in this room.The woman said in the kitchen: Can you cook? M said, no.She asked again: Will you tinker with electrical appliances?He remembered that he had studied physics in the past, so he said: "I know a little bit."So she said: That's okay, it's not for nothing.

Before being resettled (that is, removed from my old status and replaced by a new one), I attended a two-week course.As mentioned earlier, attending the study class was originally a part of my life, but this time is different from the past: in addition to letting you review your mistakes, it also talks about some precautions.Most importantly, we don't go back to where we used to live, and we don't get in touch with people we knew in the past. If we do this, the "relocation" will not be effective, and the mistakes we made in the past will not be wiped out.Of course we understand that this implies that we will live in prison.After resettlement, we have neither wife (or husband) nor children.If there is, the company will handle it for us, or divorce, or raise us for us.We must know that these people are quite rich, and now everything belongs to them.I remember when I got to this point, there was a booing in the room.The representative of the company had to raise his voice and say: This is good enough. You must know that in the last century, you people either went to the Great Northern Wilderness or the Great Gobi, and now you are all resettled in Beijing!As a historian, I don't need him to remind me of this.I only care about what to do if I can't survive after resettlement.The representative of the company replied that if everyone could not survive, new security problems would arise.They won't let us die.We will have new families, new wives or husbands, these companies will arrange.I think that what my future wife will be like is best described now.But company representatives argued that this was not something I should, or deserve to be concerned about.

There is another question, can we people connect with each other so that we can take care of each other?The people in the company said: Absolutely not.There can be no horizontal connection between us, maybe the company will arrange for us to get to know each other, other than that, no contact is allowed.After these questions were clarified, I began to imagine what would be in the new home arranged for me by the company.I never thought that there would be a half-aged woman and a pair of twins.And such a spicy taste.In the dim light, I looked around and saw that the old brick building was full of cracks, and there was a cockroach that was too big to crawl on the roof.I have to eat mutton and radish soup, which I don’t like, and have sex with that little woman in this noisy room—this is the kind of one-and-a-half apartment, in addition to this big room, there is another The space is as small as a piece of dried tofu.The little woman had a wrinkled face and a lock of white hair right above her forehead—I didn't like any of those things, and unfortunately they didn't happen. I was supposed to go to 407, but here is 408, so I was thrown next door.The door of the house was open, and the floor was full of dust and scraps of paper.I don't have to eat the lamb stew I don't like, which is great news.The bad news was that there was nothing to eat, not even supper.

2 M spent her first night in room 407 after relocation.A lot of glass in this house was broken, some of which were blocked with plywood and cardboard, and many of them were open with big mouths of broken glass.The house is the same as 408, there is an old mattress on the floor in that big room, there is an old refrigerator, there is an electric light hanging in the air, but it doesn't work.Strangely, when the door of the refrigerator was opened, the light inside was on.He inspected the house by the light in the refrigerator and saw broken glass everywhere.Of course, there was nothing in the fridge but mold and a rotten apple.Then he slept on that mattress all night, feeling every spring in it.In the early hours of the morning he got up, found a box of matches on the radiator in the morning light, smoked three cigarettes in a row, and saw a mouse run across the house.Later, he went out and thought of picking up some rubbish nearby - another way of saying it was other people's discarded things - to decorate the house.But it's not easy to find anything near the dilapidated buildings that are about to be demolished—except for rotten paper, plastic bags, and occasionally wooden products, but the wood has rotted away.

When I came home with a broken white chair, I remembered my Firebird racing car again.I bought the car from the company's auction house when it was new, and it was unbelievably cheap.I later drove it back to the company auction lot, which got me interested in the theory of karma, because I knew that the brand new car would sell for an unbelievably cheap price.If a man is dead, the clothes he wore can only be sold cheaply, especially the one he wore when he died.So going to the company's auction site to buy things is not only greedy for petty gain, but also has some evil qualities in his personality.I left a tape in the car, telling the cheapskate after me about it, and prophesying that he too would be relocated.This is because those who dare to covet such petty gains are courageous, and those who are courageous will be resettled sooner or later.Without this car, I have to walk everywhere, and I am really not used to it. In addition, I also wore ill-fitting leather shoes, which aggravated my pain.After picking up the garbage for a long time, the white shirt on my body has also turned gray.

I just limped home with my chair on my shoulders and found a woman sitting on the broken mattress, with fashionable short hair, about twenty-four or five years old, and also very fashionable--also That is to say, although he has thin arms and legs, his calves are very muscular, and he looks like he has been trained—but he is dressed in a mess.The upper body is a poplin shirt in the style of broken glass, the lower body is a woolen skirt full of oil stains, and the feet are a pair of platform shoes with leather belts, the sides are frayed.When she saw me coming back, she took out a narrow-line printing paper and asked if this was 407.I put down the chair, sat on it and said: Throw away this broken note, it's useless now.And I told her: You should have worn an old dress, it's cold now.

As I said, I always had to go to the company for a while before being relocated.At that time, I drove a red Firebird racing car as usual, but I always wore a black suit for a while, as if someone died in the family, which was different from usual.The last point is required by the company, and they also require us to wear a big red D on our chest.This reminds people of Hawthorne's, and the people in the company know it, so they explain with a smile: Everyone, this is purely coincidental.They provide ready-made scarlet letters, and there are self-adhesive stickers underneath, which can be glued on once.I also found that the stains left by this glue can be removed by rubbing with hands, and it does not stain clothes. At that time, I thought that the company was thinking of us, but later I found out that it was not.On the day of resettlement, before getting into the car to send me off, the person who sent me looked me up and down and said: Take off your clothes.Seeing that I was dumbfounded, he further explained: There is a clause in the contract you signed with the company. After resettlement, all your original property will be owned by the company—remember?Only then did I suddenly realize: Clothes also count?He said: Nonsense!How can such a good dress not be counted?According to his original policy, he would strip me down to a pair of shorts.After talking for a long time, I saved my trousers and shirt. As for the pair of platform shoes I am wearing now, I exchanged them for a pair of crocodile leather shoes and a gift.Those guys are migrant workers hired from impoverished areas, and they are crazy about money.They also said: You should wear some old clothes today-it's cold now.This incident may illustrate why companies offer stickers that don't stain clothes: for peeling us.It would also explain why the woman was disheveled when she appeared in front of me.I heard that the company also employs some female migrant workers, and that women tend to be more money-hungry than men.I thought it was humorous to make a joke about it, but the woman said without a sense of humor: It's too late for you to say this now.Later, she stood up from the mattress in a serious manner, extended her hand to me, and introduced herself, and I kissed her hand in a serious manner, telling her who I am.In this way, when we are in trouble, we show the demeanor of a gentleman and a lady, but we don't know who to show it to.She said that she was a painter and came here to engage in modern art.I said that I am a historian and philosopher, wrote a book "My Uncle", and sent myself here.She said she'd heard of me; I said I'm sorry, I haven't heard of her, so I can't say what I've been waiting for.

Later in that shabby house, we coined many new words, for example, after resettlement—after resettlement, before resettlement—before resettlement, wrong—reason for resettlement; in order to facilitate conversation.When it comes to sleeping at night, you have two choices: a bed or a sleeping board.The bed is to sleep on a broken mattress, and the sleeping board is to sleep on a wooden plank on top of bricks.I've always stuck to sleeping boards, ostensibly to be considerate of the ladies, but I've found boards to be more comfortable than beds.The lady told me that her mistake was modern art, and I don't really believe that.As we all know, most of the reasons why men are placed are "thought" mistakes, and most of the reasons why women are placed are "freedom" mistakes.The so-called freedom refers to sexual freedom.Of course, I don't expect a woman who makes this mistake to be honest with a man.

I can say a few things about this woman in advance: she first told me that she was a painter, and then that she was a "chicken," that is, a high-class prostitute.She later said that she was a psychologist.I don't know which one to believe.My attitude towards her is: you can be whatever you like; and no matter what you say you are, I don't believe it.I told her at first that I was a historian, then that I was a philosopher, and finally that I was a writer. I was telling the truth, but I didn't expect her to believe it, because it was too much like talking.We don't trust each other so much, we can't blame us for our lack of sincerity, we can only blame the truth for being too fake, and the fake for being too real. 3 If my name is M, the woman who lives in the same house as me should be called F.Before the resettlement, all the F's and M's held study classes in the company's underground garage. The garage was huge, we were at one end, and they were at the other end. They never got together, but sometimes they could meet on the road.After wearing the letter D on our M chest, we felt a little bit ashamed. We walked outside and bowed our heads, and we couldn't straighten up until we entered the garage.Not so with F.They are slender, good-looking, walk around with their heads held high, and they don't care about the D on their chests.If you walk across from us, just smile at us, but never talk.One of my schoolmates said that they were all fake, actors or models hired by the company.It looks a bit like it, but this schoolmate is a skeptical philosopher and made a skeptical mistake; if it is not the case, I will believe his statement more.By the way, this alumnus has no backbone at all, and he cried all day long: My skepticism is a school of philosophy, not the party or socialism!If a fat pig cried to the butcher and said: I have grown fat, but I have not committed the crime of killing, will the latter let it go?Of course, a person without backbone may not be all wrong, but I'd rather be wrong.Now I have an F in my room and seems to have proven him wrong. Walking home tired after work, I found that the house had been completely washed, and the original dryness and dusty smell was replaced by water vapor and soapy smell; when I sat on the mattress to untie my shoelaces, F from the kitchen He came out with his sleeves rolled up high, his hands flushed red from the cold water.She said to me: Take off the shirt, wash it now, and dry it tonight.I wasn't in a bad mood at the time.Later, I lay shirtless on the rotten mattress and said: What day do you go to work?After asking this sentence, I feel bad. As I have said, I am a construction worker after placement, so I just go to work.Before that, I had some fantasies about this profession, because construction workers earn a lot of money, especially construction workers who work at heights.After going to work, this illusion is gone.The place they put me in was called a certain construction company, but it was in a small alley outside Dongzhimen. There were a few men with vicious faces, and it was very dirty.In fact, this is a construction team repairing dilapidated houses.People ask me: what have you done?I say: historians, philosophers, etc.The other party said: We are the construction team - what will you do?I had no choice but to admit that I didn't know anything, so they asked me to work as a laborer.At this time, I hinted that I could keep accounts and do office work, but they gave me a hard look.So I climbed up into the room with a long spoon in my hand to pour the bitumen, and I had to call a pimple-faced little fellow "Master."When he got off work, the boy said: Remember tomorrow, once you get to work, you have to "smoke" the master first-we work for a day and get paid for a day, if you don't agree, you can break up early.I promised "Hey", but I was thinking in my heart: offering incense to the dead, and smoking cigarettes to you, so I will treat you as dead.Bitumen is poisonous, and the smell makes me sick; there is no shade on the roof, and the sun makes me dizzy; my arms hurt like I'm about to fall off—if it doesn't hurt, I I hope they fall off; the only advantage of this job is that I settle accounts every day, and I get paid on the same day, which solves my urgent needs.That's what happened to me at work. Now it's time to talk about the meaning of that D. The people in the company said that D means delivery (send).Placement is sending us out.After hearing this explanation, I felt like a mailbag and was very uncomfortable.They said that there are two ways to send our parcels, one is to send to others, and the other is to send to ourselves.In the former case, there must be someone willing to take us, for example, the wife of 408.She is a retired elementary school teacher (you can retire after 20 years of teaching experience, so she is not too old), she got married at the age of 42, gave birth to twins at the age of 43, and was abandoned by her husband at the same time, so she went to the company to apply had a husband.The night before, she thought I was the mailbag—a mistake one can imagine, and thought I was too thin, but said nothing.Later, she got a real husband who was a taxi driver and a criminal on parole (the company's business also includes the placement of such people). I'll kill you; but that's all for another day.F and I belong to the latter situation. When we were studying in the company, they said that we should implement three matchings for this kind of situation: male and female matching, high and low matching, and wrong matching.The first refers to gender, the second to income, and the last to what I don't know.To be honest, I have great hopes for the second one, because I am already a small worker earning only 20 yuan a day, and if she earns less, she will not be able to live.I asked her which day to go to work, she said: I have already gone to work.I asked: where?She said: here.The occupation that the company arranged for me was a housewife.After hearing this, I almost fainted.She was afraid that I would not faint, so she ran out of the kitchen and said, I will do housework for you, so you have to support me!I was extremely frustrated and said helplessly: Why didn't you say that before the resettlement? As we all know, women's rights are on the rise in the 21st century. If a woman says to her boyfriend: I let you support me, this is the highest word of courtship.If a woman had said this to me before the resettlement, I would definitely adopt her, unless she was a babysitter from Anhui.Not raising a babysitter in Anhui is definitely not because of contempt for that province, but a large number of people, including her parents, her seven aunts, eight aunts, and cousins, and so on. Among the cousins, there is also a fiancé who is married to her fingertips, who is dirty right under your nose; this phenomenon is called "Huiban coming to Beijing", and there are often one or two hundred people in a class.Therefore, it is very respectable for a man to raise a girlfriend or wife, but it is difficult to raise one.A woman once said: Whoever wants to raise me must meet three conditions: 1. Look like Apollo (referring to the statue); 2. The penis should not be shorter than eight inches; 3. The annual income should be more than one million yuan.These conditions, especially the second, are extremely difficult to meet—because Chinese men rarely grow so big, and being so big is useless, so it’s just nonsense—so there are very few housewives in men’s families.But sometimes when visiting a lady's house, I can see a very decent young man.The master pointed to him and said: My husband, I keep him.When chatting with him secretly, he frowned and said: I can't help it, I want to live a family life——At the same time, I heard the roar of the Hedong Lion: What are you doing?Want to be gay?He hurried to stay with his wife in desperation.Don't dare to yell like a housewife: Can I have a few words with people?This shows that men's conditions are not so harsh.To sum up, if a woman asks me to raise her, I cannot refuse.I can only settle this account with her tactfully: twenty yuan a day, the two of us, how can we live. F told me that as long as we save money on food and expenses, two people can live on 20 yuan.In terms of food, we only eat simple food and light food, and she never seeks to eat better than me; in terms of clothing, she can also make do, just buy one or two fashions and a few underwear (I pointed out with a frown that these things are very expensive) , plus some basic cosmetics and hygiene products, she no longer asks for anything.I know that this requires me to attend work 350 days a year, with backache and leg pain every day, and life would be worse than death.After planning in this way, she searched for all my salary today, and didn't keep a dime.Then she went to the kitchen to cook while I lay down on the old mattress and sighed. 4 From the aforementioned plot, you must be able to imagine that the resettlement was at the end of April.At that time, the weather in Beijing was often cloudy and rainy. Even if it didn't rain, the sky would be miserably cloudy.Even if it is sunny and sunny, I am not in a good mood.At the beginning of May, the sky will be sunny continuously.There is a holiday on May 1st, and of course there is no salary.I was in a better mood than when I first settled in. I tidied up the house like a man, patched up the broken glass on the windows with the plastic film I picked up, then climbed to the roof and repaired the leaky windows with a newly learned skill. place.While doing this, I looked at the demolition area from a height.Of course, there's nothing spectacular about the view.Under the blue reflection of the surrounding glass buildings, there are a dozen earth-red brick buildings here, with cracked alder trees growing in front of them.In front of the building there is a small messy shed, which was built by the original residents many years ago, and now there is a piece of linoleum on the top.I also saw that the northernmost building was being demolished, and the city of Beijing, like every period in the past fifty years, was spitting out a large amount of housing debris.This scene gave me an inspiration. I went down from the roof and said to F: When our building is demolished, we can move out and live in a better house.She looked at me with a smile and said: Live in a good house?Can you afford the rent?This made me quite frustrated, but I still didn't give up, and said: Maybe I can take an electrician or something; you can also take a secretary exam, which can increase your income.She continued to smile, then turned away.Then I thought about the contract with the company even more frustratingly: obey the company's arrangements and not change jobs on my own.I am likely to be a small worker for the rest of my life and live in the demolition area for the rest of my life.Originally, I wanted to go outside in the afternoon to find out which abandoned room had a door, and take it back and install it in the bathroom of my home; but I lost my mood and just lay on the mattress for the rest of the day time.I was always so listless in those days--because there was really nothing to be happy about. It is necessary to add a few words about my desire to take the electrician exam.When a person has reached my stage, it is inevitable to make up his own mind and think about what else he can do.As a graduate of the physics department, it is easy to think of taking the electrician exam.And as a person who likes to race with people on the road, I want to take the garbage truck driver test.These whimsical ideas are all because being a small worker is too tiring, earning too little money, and being angry with that little bastard master.Every time I say something like this, F always cuts me off so simply.If she can say a few words along with me, I can also experience a little fantasy happiness.This bitch has no sympathy. "My Uncle" won the Booker Prize in Chinese, so the company sent a car to pick me up from the construction site and told me the news.The money for this award is not much, only 5,000 yuan, which is considered a sum of money in my current situation.I'm not always emotional, but when the company representative sitting across from me said, "Congratulate us," I still looked unhappy: what does this have to do with you?He said: Why doesn't it matter?Did you forget our contract?What is yours is ours, and we relocate you.In fact, before he reminded me, I remembered it.I stood up and said: Thank you for telling me about this, I'm going home.He said: Don't worry, I still need you now.You have to go and get the prize back, and you have to go to a reception... I said: I don't want to go anywhere.The man pulled his face down and said: Is there a clause in the contract that both parties guarantee cooperation, do you want to break the contract?Of course I don't want to break the contract, even if I break the contract, I can't get back the lost things, and I have to live in prison for nothing.Then I was taken to take a shower, put on the decent clothes they had prepared for me, and go to the U.K. embassy.Two burly men accompanied me and continued to educate me on the way: What's the matter, buddy, are you not happy?Not happy don't make mistakes wow.I said: If I don't make mistakes, will it fall into your hands?That's right, they said.You don't make mistakes and we have no business.But, "we don't care about that." As a historian, I immediately thought of what "we don't care about this" is like-it is like the sentence Lin Biao said in the 1960s when he said that he was a genius: My brain is very smart, I can't help it, parents Give it. "We can't take care of this" and "no way" mean the same thing, with a feeling of helpless pride, which makes me very angry.I want to find a place where there is no one to curse.You can't swear in a car, let alone in the U.K. embassy, ​​where people are very sensitive to syllables like "cao" and "bi". As soon as they hear it, they can answer "fukeyou" faster than hearing "Howdoyoudo".I swallowed, gorged, burped, and stole at the reception.This latter behavior has not been practiced before, but I have found it not difficult, especially when others treat you as a decent person and let your guard down.In total, I stole two gold-plated lighters, four knives and forks, four packs of cigarettes; I also stole a book.The people who accompanied me in the company only listened to what I was saying, and didn't see the behavior of these three hands at all.Unfortunately, I can't get used to those cheeses, and came back with diarrhea.I feel like I earned a little bit back.Since everything about me, including decency, belongs to you, then I'll go out and make a fool of myself.I made this trip for the company, and when I came back, I got an envelope with fifteen yuan in it (this is lost wages, the company representative said), and a lecture.They said that I was not decent and behaved badly. Going home in the evening, I told F what had happened today, and told her that I made a mess at the reception and made some money back.She said I was still far behind, and the company got more than five thousand dollars from the Booker Prize. After "My Uncle" won the award, it will definitely sell better than before.Can publish texts abroad, and can sell film adaptation rights.So I should calm down and look forward, there will be a future.Looking forward, I can only see that I am a small asphalt worker, so I can't calm down.She enlightened me from another side: You just won the Booker Prize, and you also won the Nobel Prize in Literature.This is not bad. From the company’s promotional materials, I know that among the people who have been resettled are Nobel Prize winners, Khomeini Prize winners, and Hemingway Prize winners, as well as academicians of the Pontifical Academy of Sciences and the Third World Academy of Sciences. , Academician of Satan College (I still know this last one, he studies demonology), all of them made mistakes, and got a new life under the placement of the company.In comparison, I am nothing.So I took a crowbar and said to F, I'm going out to find the door and I'll call you when I find it.As I have already said, there is one door missing in our room.Then I actually found a good door and removed it from the frame.After calling F to carry it home, I didn't bother to install it on the door frame of the bathroom, because my mood had turned bad.My emotions are like a child's face, it's bad if you say it is bad, and I can't control it at all.And I don't want to control either. 5 As mentioned earlier, a man named M and a woman named F were resettled at the end of April of a certain year and came to a house in a demolition area.Since M is me, I need no introduction. I have also mentioned F's appearance. She is tall and slender, with slender limbs and delicate features. Later, I saw that her breasts are small and her umbilical fossa is shallow.In addition, her behavior at home is also very graceful, which reminds me of the words of a schoolmate: All Fs are actors, or hired models. F told me that you have to be wary of "relocation syndrome".I said: Don't you think it's awkward?She said: Then call it "placement syndrome", I still think it is too long.In the end, the agreement was called "comprehensive", and I was satisfied.The so-called comprehensive refers to a kind of mental illness after resettlement, manifested as despair, pessimism, and being lazy to do anything.One of the most interesting of the various symptoms is a distaste for words and a penchant for short names.During the training in the company, I heard various examples: Some people simplified the "spiritual civilization construction" to the spirit, then simplified it to the essence, and finally simplified it to "rice"; Simplified to "eight"; shortened himself from "relocated personnel" to member, and later to "Bei".So the company recruited people like us to lecture, (the unsimplified original form of this sentence is: "The General Administration of Social Security Comprehensive Management assigns spiritual civilization construction work to resettled personnel"), which became "eight beimi"; The simplification of the split characters has resulted in a terrible slang.I'm having this problem right now.The frightening thing about this disorder is that it can lead to changes in sexual behavior, first a loss of libido, then heterosexual men can become passive homosexuals, referred to as "fart" and finally "bi".I said to F: Are you afraid of me?I'm not there yet.She could understand it, and replied: You don't compare, I still have meaning here.If you compare, I am helpless. I admit that I am a bit comprehensive, and I don't know if I compare it or not.It's true that I'm depressed, but I'm also tired.Pouring asphalt all day long, carrying bags of cement—the first time I carried a bag of cement to the roof, I was a little surprised: so I am still so energetic—I always want to lie on the bed after work.To be honest, I used to do all the hard work on the bed, but now I have done all the hard work outside the bed, and naturally I just want to rest when I return to it.At this moment, F showed his muscular calf and walked past it.Sometimes I want to squeeze her leg too, but at the same time my arm hurts too much to reach out.She just walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet.As I said, the bathroom didn't have a door, and she put a curtain over the door, so she sat on the toilet, and I could still see her feet, and I could see her clean the toilet extremely white.At this time, she said to me: When will the door be installed for us?This matter is not as easy as she imagined. I have to borrow a plane from a carpenter to plan the broken door, and I have to buy hangers and screws, and I should even paint it with white paint; , I was very annoyed.But I didn't answer her in such detail, but simply replied: Hey.Then she stood up, lifted her skirt, and the tank roared, and she came out.Even though he came out of such a place and accompanied by such noises, F is still graceful.When I saw her, I felt that I should not compare.But I am powerless. As a historian, I think of something like this: In ancient Chinese, what he wants to do when he puts an uncomparable man and an attractive woman together is called "Human Way", or "human" for short.This shows that the ancestors also have a little synthesis.Sleeping on the board at night, I am particularly concerned about whether I can be human. F walked over the edge of the board and sat on the mattress. I saw that the oil stains on her skirt were gone, and her blouse became very smooth.She told me: I borrowed an iron from 408, then gave me a hard look (as if to remind me to pay attention), took off the skirt, and inside were two clean and slender legs, and a pair of white silk underwear, There is a hint of black in it.When she reached out to her chest to unbutton it, I turned over, faced the wall and said: You said, how many clothes do you want to buy?She said: Yes.I said: buy it.Want me to go with you?She said: no.我说那就好。在她熄灯以前，我始终向墙壁。在我身后，F脱衣就寝，很自然地露出了美好的身体。我有权利看到这个身体，但我不想看。 6 安置一个月后，我们又回公司去听训，这是合同规定的。那天早上我对F说：今天回公司，你不去吗？她说：我们要晚半周。因为她比我来得晚，这种解释合情合理。我走到公司的栅栏门外，对传达室说了我的合同号，里面递出一件马甲来，并且说：记着，还回来。那件马甲是黑色的，胸前有个红色的D字。我穿上它走到地下车库里，看到大家三五成群散在整个车库里，都在说这个月里发生的事。我想找那位怀疑主义的学兄，但到处都找不到。后来听说他已经死掉了。人家把他安置在屠宰厂，让他往传动带上赶猪，他却自己进去了。对于这件事有三种可能的解释：其一，不小心掉进去的；其二，自己跳进去的；最后，被猪赶进去的。因为屠宰厂里面是全自动化的，所以他就被宰掉了，但是他的骨骼和猪还是很不一样，支解起来的方法也不同，所以终于难倒了一个智能机器人，导致了停工，但这时他已经不大完整——手脚都被卸掉，混到猪蹄子里了。经大力寻找，找到了一只手两只脚，还有一只手没找到。市府已经提醒市民注意：在超级市场买猪蹄时，务必要仔细看货。还有一个家伙打熬不住，跑去找前妻借钱。前妻报了警，他已经被收押了，听说要重判。除了他们两位，大家都平安。到处都在讨论什么工作好，比方说，在妇女俱乐部的桑那浴室里卖冷饮，每天可以得不少小费，或者看守收费厕所，可以贪污门票钱；什么工作坏，比方说，在火车站当计件的装卸工。我的工作是最坏的一类，所以我对这种谈话没有了兴趣，从人群里走出来，打量时而走过的F们。她们也穿着黑马甲，但是都相当合身，而且马甲下面的白衬衣都那样一尘不染。有时候我站在她要走的路上，她就嫣然一笑，从旁边绕过去——姿仪万方。我虽然不是怀疑主义哲学家，但也有点相信那位死在屠场里的老兄了。后来散会以后，公司留些人个别谈话，谢天谢地，其中没有我。 我从U·K·使馆偷了一本书，它是我自己写的，书名叫作《我的舅舅》；扉页上写着XX兄惠存，底下署着我自己的名字。很显然，它是我那天晚上题写的几十本书之一，书主把它放在餐桌或者沙发上，我就把它偷走了。按我现在的经济能力，的确买不起什么书，不管它是不是我自己写的、有没有六折优待。我回家时，F正平躺在床垫上，手里拿着那本书。她把视线从书上移开片刻，说道：你回来了。我没有回答，坐在椅子上脱掉皮鞋，心里想着，无论如何要弄双轻便鞋。后来她说：这书很好看。过了片刻又说：很逗。出于某种积习，我顺嘴答道：谢谢。她就坐了起来，看看那书的封面，说道：这书原来是你写的——真对不起，我看书从来不看书名。这种做法真是气派万千——把世界上所有的书当一本看，而且把所有的作者一笔抹煞。我觉得演员或者时装模特儿不可能有这么大的派，对她的疑心也减少了。那天下午上工之前，我就把卫生间的门装上了。 以上故事又可以简述如下，F和M被安置在一起，因为她始终保持了风度，还因为M有一位怀疑主义的学兄，所以他对她疑虑重重。后来怀疑主义的学兄死掉了，还因为别的原因，M决定把这些疑虑暂时放到一旁，和她搭伙干些必要的事。不知道你是否记得，我小时候在自己家的院子里搭过帐蓬，在里面鼓捣半导体。这种事实说明我在工艺方面有些天赋，除此之外，我这个人从来就不太老实。所以后来我就从建筑队里偷了油漆、木料、还有建筑材料，把那间房子弄得像了点样子，还做了一张双人床。这个故事和《鲁滨孙飘流记》的某些部分有点雷同，除了那张双人床。 那张床的事是这样的：有一天上班我给那位糟蛋师傅上烟时，把整整一盒烟塞到他口袋里，而且说：我要给自己做张床。他说他不管，但是他看到工地上有一捆木檩条。这捆檩条我早就看到了。然后我给了木匠师傅一盒烟，说了我要做床的事，他说他也不管，就去找别人聊大天。然后我打开一盒烟，散给在场的每一个人，就把那捆檩条拖出来，依次使用电锯、电刨子、开笋机，把檩条做成床的部件，然后打成捆，塞到角落里。我干这件事时，大伙都视而不见。直到干完，才有人对我说：你好像干过木匠活。我告诉他小时候干过，他就说：下回我打家俱找你帮忙。天黑以后，我叫F和我一道来工地把那一捆木头拿了回去，当夜就组装成床架。我不记得鲁滨孙干过这种事。在此之前，我已经把床垫拆开修好了，F还把破的地方补了补丁。我们把床垫从地上抬起来，放在床板上，就完成了整个造床过程。它是一件很像样的家俱，但很难说清它是我自己造的，还是偷来的。初次睡在上面时，我心花怒放。当你很穷时，用上了偷来的东西，实在是很开心的事。临睡时，我甚至一时兴起，给F解开了脖子下面的两个扣子。F依旧很矜持，但是脸也有点红。后来她就在昏暗的灯光下躺在我身旁，身上有一副乳罩和一条内裤，都是粉色的。我也饶有兴致地看着她窄窄的溜肩，还有别的地方。F目不邪视，但我看出她在等待我伸手去解开她的内衣。说实在的，我已经伸手准备这样干了，但是我又觉得这粉红色的内衣有点陌生，就顺嘴问了一句。她说是她买的。我问什么时候买的，她说前天。忽然间，我情绪一落千丈，就缩回手去。又过了一会儿，我说：睡吧，就闭上了眼睛。再过了一回，F关上了电灯。我们俩都在黑暗中了。 怀疑主义的学兄说，公司怕我们对合同反悔，就雇了一大批漂亮小姐，假装待安置人员，用她们来鼓舞我们的士气。假如此说是成立的，那么她们的工作就该只是穿上佩有红色D字的衣服在公司里走走，不会有一个F来到我家里。现在既然有一个F睡在我身边，我应该狐疑尽释，茅塞顿开，但我还是觉得不对头——她和我好像根本不是一类东西。在这种情况下，我当然想再听听那位学兄的高见，可惜他死掉了。我和F睡在一个床上时，就在想这些问题。后来她说：喂。我说：什么？她说：你该不是舍不得钱给我买衣服吧。我说：不是。她说：那我就放心了。过了一会儿，她都睡着了，我又把她叫醒，告诉她说：我当然不反对你去买衣服，不过，你那些衣服假如不是买的，而是偷来的，那就更好了。我怎么会说出这些话来，这些话是什么意思，我自己都无法解释。就着窗外的路灯光，我看到F大睁着眼睛在想。忽然她嘿嘿一笑，说道：我明白了。她明白了些什么，我也是不清楚。