Chapter 12 Red Buddha Running at Night---About Interesting 【Chapter Nine】

Chapter nine This chapter is the story of Hongfu.The author knows very little about women.Therefore, in many cases, women are written with an attitude of pushing oneself and others. one When Li Weigong lived in Luoyang City when he was young, he killed one-sixth of the men in the city plus sixty-two tolerances, and raped most of the women in the city. This was a terrible experience for them, especially Women who were raped by armored cavalry—the soldiers had just taken off the iron plate of the crotch, and the place was still cold, which made people feel extremely uncomfortable—so everyone in the country could be killed every day.Only Hong Fu sympathized with Li Weigong, because she was born with a lot of affection, and because Li Weigong was tall and big like a stallion, very masculine, much better than that bearded man who chewed shoes all day long.Later, she became Mrs. Li Weigong, and 26 years after the incident, she committed suicide for her husband.I don't know how you feel about it, but I thought it was great love.If I did such a thing now, all the girls in China would not marry me, including those who are lame and blind; let alone martyr me after my death.

Before this great love happened, Hongfu lived in Yang Su's house and had nothing to do except combing and washing her hair.At that time, her hair was thirty feet long, and it was quite difficult to wash it, requiring ten tans of warm water and three catties of goose fat soap.But there are always a dozen people to help when washing hair, so it's not too difficult.It's just that the people in Yang's mansion eat at the public house, so their work attitude is naturally not very good. When washing, they always throw people's hair and hair into the big bucket, making a mess; On the plank bed, others left.At this time, Hong Fu was like a big cocoon, looking very miserable.She still has to pluck herself out of her hair bit by bit. If she can't pluck herself out, she will always be a mess of threads, and she can only roll wherever she goes.That's not too scary.The dreaded combing hair.Combing and combing caused static electricity, and all the hair would explode in the room. What kind of clothes belts and papers were all induced, flying into the air, and electric sparks hit indiscriminately.In case of a fire, even the hair and the house will be burned.Although these jobs are difficult and dangerous, they will always be finished.At this time, Hongfu felt bored, so he ran around.She often runs into the kitchen asking for help, which seems unnecessary to me.Since she had washed and brushed her own hair, it was a lot of work.

After Hongfu ran away, people in Yang's mansion recalled that this girl was very strange.For example, at night when it was time to light the lamps, she had already bathed and hair-washed, and she still refused to go to bed, so she ran into the kitchen wrapped in a bathrobe wrapped in a white towel.She always wanted to help the cooks with some work, but she was always rejected, because if she cut her hair into the dishes, the chef's head would be chopped off, but she would not.It was busy in the kitchen at that time.The next day Master Yang Su wanted to eat Hehua sparrows, which were only the size of a small fingernail, and there were more than 3,000 birds on a plate.The toughest job is getting all the bones out.These little things were alive back then.It chirps and flies.So put it in a cold cloth pocket, pinch the tip of the mouth with your hands to catch it, kill it with a small knife, drain the blood, and then put it in a cup to slough off.The little birds babbled and said how wronged they were to die, and if they were big fat pigs it wouldn't matter.There are twenty master masters working on this, and the rest put the killed birds into cold cloth pockets, and then fry them in a frying pan.The master chef in charge of the spoon was worried, because the bird would be fried into coke when the fire was too high.This is still good, if the roasted elephant trunk is to be eaten, the master will use the ghost-headed sword to kill the elephant, and I don't know if he will come back alive.Seeing this scene, Hong Fu was also very conscious, so he withdrew.At this time, a nurse took the child and came to the kitchen to ask for dough pockets.The master said, there are plenty in your pocket, you can take whatever you want.So the nurse took two flour sacks, sat on a stool outside the kitchen, and under the dim light, made herself a pair of brassieres out of two flour sacks.At this time, the child was crying and fussing, and the nurse clamped the child's head between her legs and nursed him.The nurse's milk was so big that the nipple was like a large chess piece, stuffed into the child's mouth, choking him dumbfounded.At this time, Hongfu didn't know which tendon was wrong, and said: "Mother Zhang, I will help you take care of the child."That mother Zhang gave her a blank look and said, forget it, big girl.Do you have milk?After hearing this sentence, Hong Fu started to be in a daze.Then she opened her bathrobe, took out her tiny breast, and compared it with the nurse's huge one, and found no comparison.The nurse's breasts are full of red and blue blood vessels, as thick as soaked tendons. Zhang Ma said: "It's hard to compare."People are not the same people, and things are not the same things.Who doesn't know that the small ones look good in white and the big ones look ugly in black, but there is some way to eat this bowl of rice.Zhang Ma was hunched over by these two meat balls, but Hong Fu couldn't understand it.With a look of shame on her face, she covered her face and fled back.A few days later, she escaped from here.

Before Hongfu left Yang's mansion, she cut her hair short, piled the cut hair on the bed, and ran away by herself.Without the moisture of the human body, those hairs quickly lose their luster and become like dried seaweed.And Hong Fu lost her long hair that dragged the floor, and her appearance was also greatly reduced.At the very least, I can no longer be a geisha.At that time, it was a peaceful and prosperous age, there were beauties everywhere, without a head of beautiful hair, even if you had standard measurements, bright teeth and bright eyes, you couldn't be a singing girl, so you had to become a nun.Isn't this selling yourself cheap?

After Hongfu ran away, her hair was put on display in the yard, and then it suddenly disappeared.Now we know that the hair was stolen by the bearded man and wrapped around his body, but people didn't know it at the time and thought it was a vixen who stole it.The purpose of this exhibition is to tell everyone how ignorant she is to cut off such beautiful hair, but it ignores a very important point, that is, she herself does not know that hair is beautiful.She even thought it was the ugliest pile of hair in the world.The nurse told her that her small breasts were beautiful, but she thought she was being mocked.She still has a flat belly and slender legs, but she also thinks it's ugly.All in all she thought she was the ugliest thing that could walk in the world.For this reason, she cut her hair short before running to find Li Jing, thinking it would look better.But Li Jingzheng was shocked that he was about to become stuffed bun, so he didn't even bother to look at her.I've also had examples similar to this.Not long ago, a beautiful female graduate student said to me: Teacher Wang, pure mathematics is so beautiful, isn’t it?I want to answer her: fart.But considering that the other party is a girl, I replied: Why.She didn't understand at all, and continued to chatter.I really wanted to slap her in the mouth, but I was afraid of breaking her, so I slapped her butt and walked away.When I went home, I saw two green marks on my buttocks.To say it's beautiful to someone like me who has been tortured to the brim by pure mathematics is irresponsible to my own cheeks and teeth.

two When Hong Fu was working as a singing girl in Yang's mansion, she raised a big frog.This was the greater of her innumerable eccentricities.At first, the frog was only the size of a thumb, and dragged a tail transformed from a tadpole. Later, it grew to the size of a cattail leaf fan. Its four legs were very fat, the upper half of its body was dark green, and its belly was white and blue. .Every time she came back from wearing a strapless suspender skirt outside, she would take the frog out of the hair-washing barrel and put it on her skin that was reddened by the sun.A frog's belly is an immediate cure for sunburn, but it's also very annoying to squawk in the middle of the night.Usually it just stays in the big wooden barrel and lives off the flies caught by the bearded man. Whenever Hongfu washes her hair, it jumps out of the barrel automatically; and when Hongfu wants to take a walk in the yard, it jumps into her arms Go, like a Persian cat.After Hongfu escaped, everyone wanted to kill it, so that it would not let it cry every night, because it was really noisy, but the frog also escaped - jumped on the roof, Three jumps and two jumps are gone.Regarding this matter, everyone's conclusion is that Hong Fu, a troublemaker, raises frogs that are also troublesome frogs.When Hongfu escaped from Luoyang City, he forgot about raising frogs.But others still remembered it for a long time, and based on this, they said that she was a witch—this is because frogs are different from cats and dogs, they are not a good thing, even if they are not kept at home, they will become spirits Make troubles - snakes, frogs, weasels, foxes, hedgehogs are for the Five Immortals, they have always become fine and make troubles, so they cannot be raised.

Hongfu ran out from Yang's mansion to find Li Jing, and escaped Luoyang City together with him, everyone knew about it.Because she ran to find a man, she was regarded as a rushing girl; although everyone was embarrassed to say that when Duke Wei was alive, they all regarded her as a lecherous and vulgar person in their hearts.When Duke Wei died, he would be able to say this.Of course, even in the Tang Dynasty, girls had to marry when they grew up, and they could have lovers. That is to say, women would eventually live with men, but it always seemed too indecent to run towards a man.Therefore, as soon as the decent girls in the Tang Dynasty learned to walk, they tied their feet with cotton ropes so that they could only walk but not run.Over time, in the Tang Dynasty, women could only walk but not run, even if there was a heavy rain on the road, or a fire broke out at home, they would only walk but not run, unless she was the unscrupulous kind.Someone went to the post station to pick up her long-lost husband, and wished she could throw herself into his arms immediately, but she couldn't run, so she squatted on the ground in a hurry.There is only one noble woman who dares to run in public, and that is Hong Fu.For this she made a pair of culottes that looked like skirts but were actually pants.She can run the 100 meters in under twelve seconds in culottes, but she can't participate in the sports meeting either.There was only one event in the Women's Games in the Tang Dynasty, which was race walking.Suppose a young woman asks why.He lied to them and said: women are different from men in structure, as long as they run, they will be split in two from the middle - of course, Hongfu's kind of filth is not included.

Even if you don't believe it, you don't dare to take such a risk lightly.But that's for later.What happened at that time was that Wei Gong died, and Hong Fu also wanted to die as a martyr.When the ladies of the Tang Dynasty knew about it, they said: Sacrifice?She deserves it too!The implication is that she is a bastard.And when these words reached Hong Fu's ears, she said: "It doesn't matter whether I deserve it or not, anyway, I don't want to live anymore."At that time, the city of Chang'an, which had been flattened by the loess, had entered midsummer, and this season was very windy, blowing all the loess from the northern Shaanxi plateau into the sky, and then like a fine basket of flour, the loess noodles continuously fell from the sky.This is not dust, but soft wet soil.Once soil falls from the sky, the leaves in Chang'an City will not be green for several days.But in any case, this is not a reason for suicide.

The fact that Hong Fu was considered a dirty bastard by everyone can be proved by the following facts: when the daughter of a person of status in Chang'an City got married, she needed to be taught about housekeeping, and her mother always asked her to ask Hong Fu.And that girl always asks in this way: Aunt Hongfu, how did you and Uncle Li get along?Hong Fu began by saying: Uncle Li took out a rolling pin and stabbed me.That's still pretty decent.When the girl entered the new house, she said to the groom with a straight face: Don't think I don't know your bad intentions!Get your rolling pin out!But always answering these kinds of questions, Hongfu gets annoyed, starts talking nonsense, and even instigates the bride to take a bite on the groom’s rolling pin—as we all know, even the groom’s rolling pin can’t stand being bitten, because it’s not made of wood after all .From this incident, we can know that Hong Fu is not obedient at all.That's why she didn't have good results later.

The following is my definition of being good: that is to hear as much information as possible, add my own exclamation, and sell it everywhere.For example, the girl who asked Hongfu about the house would run all over the city the next day, telling all her female companions: Do you know the rolling pin that Aunt Hongfu mentioned?It's made of meat.It is still attached to the human body!Others wondered: What rolling pin?What Auntie Hongfu?What kind of meat?Attached to whom?She didn't explain these things, so she just walked away and went to the next family to continue spreading the news.A girl looks lovely when she's running around like that.But Hong Fu does not welcome all information, and does not sigh after hearing it, and refuses to speculate.So she wasn't busy at all, and she wasn't obedient.

I'm also a bad person, if any news gets to me, I'll die.Some people say that Wang Er is a black hole, and he only listens inside but does not talk outside.It makes people think I'm stupid.Don't bother with my business.Later, when they heard that I had proved Fermat's theorem, people no longer thought I was stupid, but thought that I didn't know, and they had to come and tell me, from what was on TV tonight to when I should get married, they were reminded.This created some misunderstandings.For example, someone told me that there was going to be a series tonight, so I turned on the TV according to the clock, and watched it from the beginning to the end without seeing anything.At the same time, I also recorded video.I watched it four times that night, but I couldn't see anything except that the color TV screen was composed of three kinds of monochrome pixels.And I knew this a long time ago, but I didn't see it on the screen.I think when people tell me that I have to play a certain series at a certain time in the evening, it is by no means asking me to watch Pixels.The next day I asked that person what did you tell me to watch last night?He said nothing, it was the series.I don't know what you think, but I'm not satisfied with such an answer anyway. Countless people have told me it's time to get married.This is of course an important thing, rightly reminded.No matter who brings up this topic, I always answer very seriously: I don't want to get married.I thought that was enough explanation, but they were not satisfied.One day, a colleague told me that if you can't have a child after you get married, you can get one.I thought for a long time before answering: No.I'd rather have a cat.After this answer, I was restless for a whole half day.You know, I don't like cats at all, I hate the smell of cat urine.It wasn't until almost noon that I remembered that I don't have to have cats because I can make babies.Not long ago, due to an operation error, Xiao Sun had an abortion, and I accompanied him there.For this she beat me on the head again and again.But this didn't make me feel relieved at all, because I was more afraid of the children's noise.Finally I remembered: I didn't want to get married at all, so I couldn't even talk about having children.As for why the colleague reminded me, according to Xiao Sun, it was like this: People thought I was afraid of not being able to have children after marriage, so I didn't dare to get married.But I don't have the slightest recollection of declaring that I dared not marry because I couldn't conceive a child, so to this day I still don't understand why he said that. As soon as Li Weigong died, Hongfu was in trouble.People said: Look at her coquettish appearance - it would be strange if Wei Gong didn't die early.Hong Fu was taken aback when she heard this sentence, and hurried home to look in the mirror—after living half her life, she suddenly knew that she was very attractive, this should be said to be an accidental discovery.But she didn't live by it and didn't want to die.Although everyone said she didn't deserve to die.I am also in trouble now, of course the nature of the trouble is different from that encountered by Hong Fu - I haven't encountered the problem of life or death yet.Everyone asks me why I don't get married.Don't say anything silly like "It's my freedom to marry or not to marry".Your freedom is what others do, you do; or do not attract attention.As for the latter, I have already violated it.I'm a math renunite now, and everyone knows me. To me, proving Fermat's theorem is proving myself a fool.Every month at the end of the month, I was responsible for calculating the utility bills for the entire building until I developed symptoms of cerebral ischemia.In fact, I can't stand a calculator at all, and a calculator is not worth much, so I just pay for one-but it would be offensive to say so.After Li Weigong built Chang'an City, he was trapped in it.And there was a lad who put up a roof and stuck his head on top of the roof—it was all the same thing.I was thinking about what to do in the future, and even thought of running back to the place where I jumped in the queue with Xiao Sun to become a savage.Being a savage is just one of the various considerations. Other considerations include: go to Los Angeles to do a research job (there is such an opportunity); No more interest, and I'm sure I won't learn to drive a car.At my age, to become a writer after suffering from vicissitudes and being tortured to death by pure mathematics is obviously a contempt for the intelligence of existing writers.When it comes to doing business in the sea, I am sure I will only lose money.When the savage stepped on the trap of the hunter, the kind of clip could crush the bones of the foot.So now I'm cornered.But I obviously can't go on like this. three Many years ago, at the place where I jumped in line, I stood with my hands crossed, facing a subtropical red soil hillside, and I used this posture to express my uncompromising determination.This scene was very similar to that of Don Quixote when he fled into the mountains once.Don Quixote with his famous horse, I took my horse brother, only Sancho Panza was missing.Don Quixote made a host of vicious oaths: not to have sex with a woman for a year, not to eat bread on the tablecloth, not to sleep in underwear, and so on.I didn't swear a single word.But it turns out that my subtropical Don Quixote was no worse than him in any respect.To never compromise is to reject fate until it changes its mind and offers me something I can accept.At the age of seventeen I was driving a horse up a hill, wearing nothing but plastic slippers, a pair of white football socks, and a bare bottom;The grass on that hillside is crawling on the ground, just like the leaves on the harvested cabbage field-the grass leaves are very hard, and the leaves are curled up. Neither cows nor horses like to eat them. This is probably a mutant eaten by cows and horses. .I look like an old man, with my cheeks pressed against the corners of my mouth, the veins on the inside of my arms exposed, and I leave the corners of my butt behind when I walk forward.That's how it was, if anyone saw it, it was a naked boy walking on the hillside with a skinny horse.The sun can roast a person.I just walked through the sun and walked into the shade.This grotesque behavior showed my determination to leave this place where only eggplant and taro were eaten and start my life.It also shows my determination to turn my back on my horse brother, who, though I love him to death, will be killed in old age for leather.By the way, until now I have not been able to buy an old horse and keep it at home.This incident explains why we love women—they are the only ones we can afford, if not the cheapest, of animals worthy of love—but the two statements are the same.The main reason why I wanted to leave that place was not because of the food, but because I wanted to have an intellectual life. For this reason, I chose mathematics and devoted my life to proving a mathematical theorem.Now I have regretted it.I shouldn't be doing this - I should be doing something else. When I was seventeen, my head was full of grotesque fantasies, and I wanted to write some lyric poetry, but the notebook was not a reliable place.So I always wait until the dead of night to get up, under the moonlight, write on a mirror with a pen, write and wipe, wipe and write, and write the whole mirror blue.The next day someone took a look in the mirror and saw a blue face, and screamed in fright.But I just lay there and didn't explain anything.People's evaluation of these behaviors of mine can be summed up in one sentence: Wang Er, you are really willing to let go!These things doomed me to appear grotesque and unflattering wherever I went.This shows that there is a deep misunderstanding between me and others, but I am not going to do anything to fix it.Instead, I want to amplify these misunderstandings.Now I keep thinking, in the face of the vow I made at the age of seventeen, whether what I have done is enough and I don’t need to do it. I am now considering a suggestion from Xiao Sun: quit my job and sell pancakes at the school gate.This will not only make more money, but also save worry.I've been in meetings lately, and I've gotten hemorrhoids from sitting.If there are foreign guests, they have to wear a suit and tie.I don't know how to wear a tie at all, so I have to wait for acquaintances in the men's room of the office building with it.It might be a good idea to sell pancakes, but I may not be able to shout it out.And if there is a fight over the booth, who can I beat.The mathematician's forte is not only to consider every idea, but to think it through. What happened before Hong Fu died like this: Before the city of Chang'an was fully built, Li Weigong fell ill and could no longer open his eyes.At home, he wrapped himself in a blanket and put his feet on the footstove, all year round.Sometimes the charcoal in the foot stove had been extinguished, but sometimes it would scorch Wei Gong's heels, making his feet look like roast ducks.But you don't need to worry about Mr. Wei, the skin on his feet has long since died, and after soaking them in hot water, you can scrape off a layer more than an inch thick.From this point of view, Wei Gong is old, although he is not yet sixty years old. From another point of view, Wei Gong is also old.His stomach gas was very bad. When he exhaled, he looked like a pit of frozen sweet potatoes, exuding a strange sweet and bitter smell. This smell is poisonous and can kill flies and mosquitoes.Of course, this has something to do with his poor digestion of food.His hands were shaking too, unable to hold things.And his hair is all white, but his face and voice are childish.This is called a child's forehead with white hair.He was always sitting on a recliner in his study, surrounded by gadgets in the making—they were covered with dust.Weigong used to like to paint all the furniture and self-made equipment black, so this room is a bit dark.Wei Gong used to put tools and stationery in a mess, so this room is still a mess.Like all scientists, Duke Wei forbade anyone to clean his study, and he did it himself; but he hadn't done it for a long time.In the past, as soon as it got dark, Duke Wei would fill the room with tallow candles.The wax was still there, but it had been gnawed so badly by the mice that what was left was so old it tasted like soap, so the mice wouldn't eat it any more.There are all kinds of brushes, quills, and reed pens in the pen holder on his desk; kraft paper, parchment, silk paper, rattan paper; but he has not held a pen for a long time.The house reeked of rotting ink.He has all kinds of handsaws, files, measuring tools, copper and wood on his workbench, but he hasn't made anything in a long time.The house had a pungent dusty smell.At the same time, Chang'an City was also put aside by him, like an unfinished appliance, a pile of garbage.The city no longer interested him.He just sat in a chair and looked at the window paper illuminated by the sun.This type of feeding is called old age. At the same time that Duke Wei was getting old, other people in Chang'an City were also getting old.Although most of his colleagues have white hair and childlike appearance, some of them are hunched over, and when they meet to chat, they are always chatting.This situation made everyone feel ashamed, so they hired a clerk and asked him to write down the topic he had said, and draw a line in front of the topic every time he repeated it. Character.After the two gentlemen met and chatted for a while, they took over the conversation record and saw that there were too many orthographic characters on it, so they shook hands and said goodbye.In addition, it takes half an hour for everyone to urinate.Everyone loves to say: We are all getting old.Wei Gong sometimes feels that he is very old, but sometimes he feels that he has not grown up yet.Every time he saw a pile of sand, he had to restrain himself so as not to run to the sand pile to play.He likes to hold Hong Fu's skirt and talk to her with a clear boy's voice.He also wants to dig in the dirt and wear crotch pants so he can defecate anywhere.This kind of situation often made Hong's scalp tingle, because she didn't grow old and young with him; so when Li Weigong said to her "Honghong, make love love" with his extremely lingering and lovely expression and tone, she There is no sexual desire, but to give him a big mouth.Sometimes this kind of mouth can have a great effect. Wei Gong immediately grew taller, his voice became thicker, and he said sharply: "Why are you hitting me?" ), and did not become so small.The reality is: he seems to be obsessed with having to look old and small.As an adult, but he did not take the responsibility of an adult, he had no choice but to escape to both ends of the old and young. This kind of old-fashioned behavior also exists among women, so before going to work every day, Hongfu puts on her makeup carefully, puts her hair on top of her head, and draws crow's feet on the corners of her eyes and mouth.She also wears a bra made of scallops, which is used to flatten the breasts. If the shells are turned down, it can give people a sense of sinking. She also hangs two bags of water under the bra and wears a fake stomach. False buttocks (the function of this thing is also to make people feel like falling down), and then put on clothes and sprinkle perfume to go to work. This perfume is extracted from fermented soybeans, rice washing water, and cooking fumes, and it smells like a kitchen. .If it is sprinkled properly, it is not too much to attract flies. As for the situation of going to work, this is the case: everyone in Chang'an City has to go to work, and if they don't work in the yamen, they go to various federations.Hong Fu can work in the Ladies' Association because she doesn't work in any yamen.Every morning, she rode a gray female donkey. The donkey looked like a wild rabbit, mainly like its forehead and ears. When walking on the road, she heard the two bags of water dangling in the water. She was afraid that it would spill, so she used both hands to put the water in the bag. They held on, showing a strange look of frowning.It is said that men with small intestinal hernias look like this when they go on the road, and they always have to use their hands to support the scrotum filled with intestines.When I arrived in the class, I saw that everyone was so sad, and they all talked like the toothless old lady.If you don’t pout your mouth, you just whisper it in your ears: “I have to go home right away, the water bag is leaking. Respond for me!” “I told you, don’t fill it with water, fill it with sand.” “Leak all over Isn’t the soil even worse. Come to my house to play cards at night.” “Okay. But I don’t believe your water bag is really leaking!” Hong Fu’s work unit is the Second Class Ladies’ Association, referred to as “Ladies’ Association (B)” , my colleagues are not too old, and they are all a bit rambunctious. In Chang'an City, besides the Ladies' Federation (B), there are also the Ladies' Federation (A) and the Ladies' Federation (C). The full names are the First Class Ladies' Federation and the Third Class Ladies' Federation.Just the difference of this universe, there are many differences.The Ladies' Union (A) is full of old ladies, their falling down, deflated lips, and bad smell on their bodies are all formed naturally, there is no need to pretend.The members of the Ladies' Union (C) are all unkempt, with straight eyes, and some of them wear tights and are escorted to work by two healthy women.Which group a lady should be a member of is determined by the nature of their marriage: if she is married to a Ming media, she is a first-class lady, and she is naturally a member of the Ladies' Association (A).If she is a de facto marriage, incest marriage, pickpocket marriage, rape first and then marry, etc., she is a third-class lady and becomes a member of the Ladies' Union (C).This kind of woman is a bit delusional, even if she can't reach the level of madness, she will naturally reach it after she is rated as the third class.Of course, Hong Fu's situation cannot be rated as the first class, because she was not married, and there is a certain gap with the third class, because she was not snatched.In the end, it was compromised and rated as second-class.In fact, she is not a good fit here.If this level does not include her, it is all military marriages. The origin of military marriage is this: During the war of the Tang Dynasty's army to pacify the world, many soldiers were very old, but they were not married yet.In this case, there is a practice that every time a city is captured, unmarried warriors surround the noble girls' school, call out the headmaster, beat her on the head with the hilt of a knife and say: Call all your students Come out, jump out of us—a husband—or blood wash you bird school!Then those girls came out, wearing white blouses and black skirts, looking at their toes timidly; after hesitating for a long time, they walked up to a soldier who looked less bearded and not too old and said: It's you, and then Just burst into tears.The fighters who have never been picked will inevitably burst into the school in anger, and wipe out the teachers, principals, female school workers, and the old woman who set the fire, but these people belong to the category of the Ladies' League (C).The next morning, those girls all knelt in front of the camp to polish the soldiers' military boots, whispering to each other in a low voice: how about yours?Bow-legged.annoying.and yours?The hair all over the body is also annoying.I'm not afraid of bow legs.I'm not afraid of being hairy either.So it was changed.Those soldiers don't even recognize the new wife, so they don't care.Because of this kind of back and forth and messy situation, the evaluation of military marriage cannot be too high.However, military marriage has played a great role in stabilizing the morale of the army and even winning the war. Moreover, these women have marched and fought with their husbands, and some of them have suffered bloodshed and injuries. This situation cannot be ignored, so With the rank of Ladies' League (B). Members of the Ladies' Union (B) have all marched with their husbands, but they are all tied hands and feet with leather straps and carried across the back of the horse.As the soldiers marched forward, they sang military songs. These people also chatted with the people in front and behind on horseback: they shouldn't drink water in the morning, but now they hold back their urine.You count it, it can be useful.I, an old turtle leader, have really heavy hands to tie people up.You use his dog-skin mattress as wrist guards—you secretly cut him when he is asleep.When fighting, they also charged with cross-arms on horseback. Some people were indeed injured, but they were all wounded on the buttocks by the arrows.By this time, the women were as involved in military life as a bedroll—in fact, they were rolled up in the winter bedding.Later, the soldiers found small shields to cover their buttocks, and they also held bows and arrows for the soldiers with their joined hands.After the construction of Chang'an City, this kind of women is still relatively young and beautiful; in order to show the demeanor of a lady, they had to draw crow's feet and hang water bags on their faces.Anyway, I am more happy to be assigned to this federation, Hong Fu, where I can hear some gossip, and I can also say some outrageous remarks-in the Ladies' Union (A), there are only great news and positive remarks , while in the League of Ladies (C), there is no news or speech, only babbling and roaring, and if you are not careful, your ears will be bitten off.Now it's time to talk about how Hong Fu and the other members of the Ladies' Union (B) don't get along.Everyone here has a long story: the beginning is what the family did in the past—at least it was a county magistrate, and sometimes privy officials and other words that are rarely used in modern times are used.Related to this is how many old women, maids, and kitchens there are in the family. The cook can cook steamed chicken, stew bear's paws, and so on.Of course, this is the situation of the previous dynasty, which is called "the evil old society" in the language commonly used in mainland China.Hong Fu still had some knowledge about dish names, but she didn't know much about the official names of the previous dynasty, so when it was her turn to speak, she had to be vague.Then there is the story of the wedding night, how the "old turtle head" (this is the standard name for husbands in the Ladies' Union (B)) carried them into the tent, threw them on the dog skin mattress, and stretched out one of them to wear. The foot of the forty-five large leather boot, let her grab the spur and pull it down.At this time, because of fear and humiliation, she had no strength at all.He pulled off his riding boots, revealing a big foot that was whitened by sweat. The stench rushed up to the roof of the tent with a bang, and even the hovering flies fell to the ground one after another.From this, we can see the flashy and exaggerated tradition of the students in the noble girls' schools in the former dynasty—they all used the same Chinese textbook, and they were used to copying each other in composition class, so the stories were similar—then, The "old turtle boss" showed his ugly thing that was out of heaven and out of nowhere, and tore up her pure cotton underwear.Hongfu has not received this kind of education, nor has this kind of tradition, let alone experience similar things, so she only said a few words: "I ran away by myself. I like him." Those second-class ladies After listening, they coaxed her in unison. The fact that Hong Fu and the Noble Women's Union (B) are not in harmony has long been noticed by the leaders.One day when she was leaving get off work, she was stopped by several people dressed as eunuchs.Those people showed Ouchi's badge and said to her: Please come with us.Hong Fu thought: I am not afraid of crooked shoes, so I went with them.这些人下巴光光的，说话奶声奶气，看来是真太监。红拂跟着这些人七拐八拐，到了一个地方，遇上了一个人，让她给他们做奸细，汇报同事的各种言论。还说，你的情况我们了解，你是参加了兴唐战争的老战士，和那些前朝余孽不一样。我们正准备把你调到贵妇联（甲）去，在此之前，你要为我们做这件事。红拂干干脆脆地拒绝了作奸细，并且说，她一点也不想去贵妇联（甲）。那人就说：好罢，这也由你。今天的事不要告诉别人。咱们将来会再见面的，卫公夫人。红拂觉得此人不怀好意，回来后晚上睡觉时告诉了卫公。照她看，长安城里的一切事卫公都应该谙然于胸。卫公联想到不久前遇刺的事，就连打寒噤，说道：这不是我的设计。你不要去招惹他们。而第二天早上红拂就发现梳妆台上有张纸片，上面画了一个嘴唇，嘴唇上有个叉。这件事把红拂气坏了，走在路上见了穿太监衣服的人就冲他们喊道：我和我丈夫的悄悄话，你们也要偷听吗？那些在内廷服务，抽空出来买草纸的老实巴交的小太监听了，个个都是目瞪口呆。 Four 和这些喜欢瞎打听的太监打交道，红拂已经不是第一次了，而且这也不是最后的一次。第一次是在评定贵妇品级的时候，人家把她请到一个废库房里，让她说说当年和李靖私奔的情形——尤其是一切与性有关的细节。红拂说：这和你们有什么关系？结果马上就引起了误会，转眼之间就被剥光了衣服，倒吊在房梁上，在那里摇摇晃晃地像只蝙蝠似地说道：看来我是非告诉你们不可了——把我放下来罢。红拂简直是制造误会的天才，这一点和我是一模一样。她说：这和你们有什么关系，意思是说：这是我和卫公之间的事，和你们其他人有什么关系？但是别人的理解却是：这是女人和男人之间的事，和你们太监有什么关系？像这样的话公公们当然不爱听，所以就把她倒吊了起来。在把她放下来的同时还给她上了一大课，换言之，狠狠折腾了她一顿，以证明性这件事太监也懂。但是这一课讲的什么，红拂又没有听懂。她对太监们说：你们用的这些代用品比李靖的那个家伙差得远。于是那些太监就面面相觑，搞不清是把她再吊起来好呢，还是放在地面上。不过那一次人家记录了她的交待材料后就放她走了，还给她熨了熨剥皱了的衣服。第二次是请她做奸细，这一次相当客气，既没有剥衣服，也没有倒吊，因为奸细要自觉自愿的人。这两次都算是例行公事罢，你要知道，头头不知道别人的隐私事，又没有奸细，就不成其为头头。但是第三次就不一样了。那些太监见了她就笑嘻嘻地说：卫公夫人，说过我们要见面的，果然见到了吧。而红拂一面和他们寒暄，一面就自己脱下衣服，身手矫健地爬上了房梁，把自己倒吊在那里，然后说道：你们问罢。我准备好了。 说起自杀这件事，我以为有各种各样的情形。有人自杀使人觉得可怕，有人自杀叫人觉得可恨，还有人自杀叫人觉得莫测高深。虽然红拂自杀已经得到了头头们的批准，是为夫殉节，但是谁也不信红拂是因为思念卫公才想死掉——众所周知，早在卫公死前好几年，他就只会闭着眼睛打呼噜了（如前所述，李卫公并不是只会打呼噜，但是这一点别人并不知道），谁要是思念他，就是热爱噪音。更何况红拂现在是一品夫人，人又漂亮（如前所述，这一点她自己并不知道），想找多少情人都能找到，不论是男情人还是女情人。故而红拂的自杀是使人莫测高深那一种。红拂这一辈子尽干叫人莫测高深的事。对于这种人，头头们理所当然的对他们没有好印象。 我虽然岁数不很大，但知道不少自杀的人。根据我的记忆，头头们对死人往往比对活人还要仇恨，给他们一大堆罪名——自绝于上面，自绝于人民，遗臭万年等等。但是这些罪名却吓不着死人。不管怎么说，他们给头头们留下了一个大难题，就是如此美好的今生今世，那些狼心狗肺的家伙怎么忍心弃绝。就以红拂为例，假如她真的因为丧夫而求死，这倒是可以原谅，怕就怕她言不由衷。假如是这种情况，就得趁她尚未死透问个明白。但是这件事要留到后面去讲述。现在要说的是红拂是怎样在长安城里制造误会。这些事由我说来娓娓动听，因为我最大的专长也是制造误会。 如果我说，生活是件很麻烦的事，其中最大的麻烦是避免误会；最起码红拂同意。对我来说，次大的麻烦是我不够聪慧，一个费尔马定理就证了十年，这样我在智力生活里所得的乐趣就抵不过痛苦——假如我是牛顿、笛卡尔，特别假如我是欧几里得，一切会好得多。这个说法对红拂就不适用，她以为自己最大的麻烦是不够漂亮，这大概是因为男女有别吧。男人总觉得自己不够聪明，女人总觉得自己不够漂亮。因为这最大的麻烦和次大的麻烦，所以生活中快乐少，苦恼多。但我不抱怨，因为抱怨也没有用。 小的时候，老师就对我说过：看你也是两只眼睛一个鼻子，你怎么老和别人不一样呢？我听了甚为得意，正在飘飘然，忽然被老师狠狠掐了一把，她说：你以为我在夸你哪？等我长大了，一听到头头们说这句话（看你也是两只眼睛……）就能够领悟，用不到别人掐了。但是我这一辈子也就到了这个程度，没有什么进境，不知道怎样才能不让别人注意到我这种不幸的缺点（只长了两只眼睛和一个鼻子）。最近一次系主任找我谈话，也对我说了这句话，这是因为我听他说话时不专心。这是我的老毛病，而且为此得罪了很多人。后来我发现听别人说话时用力看着他，别人就不容易发现这一点。最早是看他的眼睛，左眼看他的右眼，右眼看他的左眼，研究他眼膜的颜色和质地，瞳孔的形状，看得久了甚至能看出他眼底的血管是否硬化了。但是这种看人的方法很是招人讨厌，现在改为看鼻子，看久了也能把对方的鼻头看到脸盆那么大。我们系主任的鼻子是蒜头形的，任何人都能看出他将来是个酒糟鼻。酒糟鼻是因为皮肤长了瞒虫。我看得清清楚楚，瞒虫怎样从他的这个毛孔钻出来，从另一个毛孔钻进去、但我爱莫能助——如果挥拳去打，虽然可以消灭螨虫，但他的鼻子难免就要受到伤害。红拂和我不一样，我们说到过，她向虬髯公学习过剑术，并且久经战阵；假如一名老兵枪打得很准，那也不足为奇。她和头头们谈话时也是盯着对方的鼻子看，看到了螨虫，就以迅雷不及掩耳的速度拔出佩剑把螨虫削去。这种助人为乐的行为在事后是很难解释的，因为螨虫只能在高倍显微镜下或者听了头头们半小时的训话后才能看见。所以她根本就不解释，转身收剑而去。别人看到的就是：一等贵妇和大内出来的太监正在和她说话，她忽然掣剑威胁人家。结论是红拂不仅狂妄，而且危险，后来就把她的佩剑没收了。 我和系主任说话时，不但在看他鼻子上的螨虫。而且嘴里还能讲话，这是了不起的成就。但是一心二用必然出错。他对我说：要想人不知，除非己莫为。我答道：您知道我早上吃了些什么吗。池说，天下没有不透风的墙。我说：这是对建筑行业的污蔑。他说，你这样子怎么为人师表？我说：您的意思是我不够漂亮，这是女生的看法吗？他说，你要知道我国的国情。我说：我怎么不知道？我每月挣三十美元（这是按官价算，按黑市价远没有这么多）。后来他看出我在胡说八道。就说到我长了两个眼睛。这句话使我猛醒，原来他一直在劝我结婚。除此之外，他还知道我和小孙的不正当关系。这一点倒不足为奇，因为行房前后小孙老朝我嚷嚷——责怪我嫌她不丰满，皱巴等等，其实是没影的事——友邻右舍全能听见。他们听到了必然到系里汇报我，否则左邻右舍有什么用处？我告诉他，我正在考虑结婚，他才满意了。其实这是一句谎话。我根本就没有考虑这件事。 Fives 我十七岁时在插队，晚上走到野外去，看到夜空像一片紫水潭，星星是些不动的大亮点，夜风是些浅蓝色的流线，云端传来喧嚣的声音。那一瞬间我很幸福，这说明我可以做个诗人，照我看来凡是能在这个无休无止的烦恼、仇恨、互相监视的尘世之上感到片刻欢欣的人。都可以算是个诗人。然后你替我想想该怎么办吧——在队里开大会之前要求朗诵我的诗？我怎么解释天是紫的，风是蓝的，云端传来喧嚣？难道我真的活腻了吗。这一切告诉我说，不能拿我所在的这个世界当真、不能拿别人当真，也不能让别人拿我当真。后来我就当了数学家。凭良心说，我当数学家真是不大合适，正如别人当诗人不合适一样。现在小孙老想让我背出一首十七岁时的诗，甚至为此骑上了我的脊梁，用长筒袜勒住了我的脖子——因为她这些轰轰烈烈的行为，我怀疑她是个虐待狂——但我背不出来。我倒能背出几百种艰难的不定积分的解法，但她对这些却不感兴趣。 红拂在长安城里生活，觉得无聊时就把李靖给她画的那些画拿出来看。那些画是画在用芋头汤浆过的纸张上，有些是用颜色画的，还有一些是用水画的。水能在芋头汤上留下永远不褪的痕迹，好像糖在水里溶化，或者阳光下的空气。在这些画上红拂好像空气里的一个精灵。另外一些画是用红蓝两色或者黑红两色画出来的，画中人的相貌除了一双大得惊人的眼睛之外，简直没有任何的近似之处，但还是能够看出画的是她。给她画这些画时，李卫公用了一大把竹笔。他把这些笔叼在嘴里，所以好像一只海豹。卫公给她画这些画时，他们住在土地庙里，四周都是菜园子味。红拂看到的天空是紫色的（这一点可能和吃多了茄子有某种关系），篱笆上开满了大得不得了的喇叭花。李靖告诉她说.喇叭花是女性生殖器的象征。红拂点头称是，显出一副心领神会的样子。其实她心里想：满篱笆这种象征是什么意思呢？人在年轻时都是这样的，有一肚子的问题要问，但又不敢问。等到可以问了，一切又都索然无味。她把这些画拿到贵妇联（乙）去给别人看，并且宣布说：这就是艺术，这就是爱情。而那些贵妇们却说：你们这些土包子懂得什么艺术、爱情！ 红拂在贵妇联（乙）里被当作个土包子，因为她没有上过贵族女校，没有穿过白上衣黑裙子，缎面的布底鞋和白布袜子。那种袜子是五趾分开的，样子很怪。但是她被容许混迹于她们之间，参加每旬一次的party。据说这是因为红拂长得漂亮，人又不蠢，所以给她一点恩惠。其实这算不上是一种恩惠，因为贵妇联（乙）内敌视大唐的情绪早就引起了头头们的注意，正如现在我们所说的：她们是一个裴多菲俱乐部式的团体，但是还没到处理她们的时候。这就是说，参加这种party的人最后肯定要倒霉，但不是现在。其实那些女人聚在一起时，只是穿起女校的校服，朗诵少女时代的纯情诗文，并且集资出版诗集，并且把丈夫叫做老鳖头子。我想女人这样并没有犯什么错误，错误就在于说没有上过贵族女校的人都是土包子，不懂艺术和爱情。贵妇联（甲）的成员知道以后十分气愤，大家分头致力于琴棋书画，还奋力去写爱情诗。但是这些娘们见了一等贵妇的作品就捧腹大笑，有人甚至笑出了盲肠炎。这就使一等贵妇们相信自己真的不懂艺术和爱情，再也不肯致力于琴棋书画，也不再去写爱情诗，而是致力于反对艺术和爱情，终于取得了很大的成功。事实证明人没有艺术和爱情也能活，最起码中国人有这个本领。而世界上没有了艺术和爱情，也就没有人会被叫作土包子了。贵妇联（乙）天天开会学习，改造思想。今天批判张三，明天批判李四。被批判的女人们不堪羞辱，纷纷自杀，而头头们也不加阻拦。红拂在长安城里的情形就是这样的。 长安城里没有风，但是城外经常刮大风，风一起就是天昏地暗。有人说，在城里可以看出这风的干燥程度，因为有时候天是灰黄色，就像干燥的土粉，有时候天是潮湿的黄色，好像风和黄土在天上合了泥。有人说，在城里可以看出风的深度，因为有时候天是地上浮土的的颜色，有时候是地下积土的颜色。到底是哪一种情况，大家都不知道——因为除了那些来去匆匆的外国人和脚夫、车夫，绝大多数的人只要进了长安城，就没有出过城。有些人下定了决心要到城外去玩玩，走到了城门口，看到了门洞里站着的两排守城兵就丧失了勇气，这种情形也像被魇住了一样——假如天色是深黄色，天上就会掉下土来，是长条形的，好像一种虫子屎。在这种天气里红拂下班回了家，先到书房里去看看李靖（她总怕他会突然无声无息地死掉，这种忧虑当然不是空穴来风，因为卫公就是一声不吭的死了的），然后回到自己房间里去换衣服。她脱掉外衣，解下胸前的水袋，拿掉假肚子，假屁股，然后把扇贝做的乳罩解开，那对乳房就像一对小兔子一样跳了起来（这对兔子上当然没有耳朵）。 如前所述，当时外面是昏黄的天气，有一种阴湿的黄色被压到屋子里面来，红赖的身体则是白皙而有光泽的，在这种光线下就闪着蓝黝黝的光，好像她天生就是蓝种人一样。她的乳房上早印上了扇贝的痕迹，看上去好像两个笊篱，而且肚子上也有一大块红印。这使她本来美好的身体变得难看了。此时的感觉和当年在洛阳城里梳头时的感觉一模一样，因为现在面对的还是恼人的生活，了无生趣。就在这时候她忽然想到自己根本就没有逃出洛阳城，一切和以前仍是一样的，只有些表面上的变化。后来她有了一个主意，实际上还是故技重演，到了晚上睡觉时，她就策动卫公从长安城里再次跑掉，就如多年前从洛阳城里跑掉一样。卫公听了皱眉道：瞎扯八道！往哪里跑？红拂说：跑到海边上去——你不是喜欢海吗？卫公听完了就开始不吭声，一连好几天都皱着眉头，在想红拂的主意是不是有道理。据我所知，数学家都是这样的，不会错过任何一个建议，包括最异想天开的建议。我现在正在考虑小孙的一个建议：辞了职到学校门口卖煎饼。这样不但挣钱多，而且省心。最近我总在开会，坐得长了痔疮。假如有外宾，还得穿西服打领带。我根本就不会打领带，只好拿了它在办公楼男厕所里等熟人，简直把德行丧尽。卖煎饼未尝不是好主意，但是我未必吆喝得出来。还有假如因为争摊位打了起来，我打得过谁。数学家的长处是不但要考虑每个主意，而且要考虑周全。李卫公找来了一切地图和地理方面的书，考虑了从东罗马帝国到南美洲的一切地点，研究一切逃走的路线。假如红拂问起来，就说，就算要逃出去，也要策划周全。 每天早上刚起床的时候，红拂总是穿一身白纱的衣服去梳妆。这身衣服和透明的差不多。站在镜子面前，红拂有点不敢相信他们还能逃出长安城。她的下巴现在是浑圆的，脖子上接近下巴处有了一道浅浅的纹路，手背上有五个浅浅的窝；过去不是这样的。过去她是削瘦的。她的乳房现在很丰满，还能用柔软，圆润等字眼来形容。过去是紧凑的，假如那上面有表情的话。就是一种顽强不屈的表情，或者可以说，那是两个紧握着的小拳头。生了孩子以后腰也粗了，虽然只是一寸半寸、但这里讨论的不是形状，而是身体的表情。总而言之，红拂自己都不相信她还能激励一个男人从长安城里逃出去。现在的这个身体没有了挑战性，只能诱使男人和她做爱，却不能使他对生活不满意。 李靖也不相信他们还能逃出长安。他毕竟是快六十岁了，有关节炎，肠胃也不好。但是这些还不是最重要的事。最重要的是他感到疲倦，再也不想在路上奔波。所以他宁愿装得衰老或者童稚，以便能在长安城里平安的生活。但是这不妨碍他研究地图，在心里想像南洋群岛的热带风光，北极的冰山，大漠的荒凉；虽然他哪儿都去不了。而我呢，自己也知道除了现在干的事什么都干不了、虽然有时难免想入非非，但是“随心所欲不逾矩”。我们何必要逃出去？坐在椅子上想像也是一样的。我想头头们也该知道这些事。既然如此，就应该对我放心，让我少开几次会。我现在经常照镜子，发现有好多硬毛从我脸上各处钻出来，并不局限于下巴。简直是刮不胜刮，剪不胜剪。这种情形使我想到自己死时会变成一把板刷。红拂想到自己死时的模样，总要联想到“皮囊”这个词。大家都知道这是佛家对身体的指称。过去红拂从来没有想到过这个词，但到了感觉自己身体开始松弛时，就觉得这个词可悲地形象。由佛家的用语，联想到佛陀离家出走，托钵四方；由离家出走，联想到这个“家”字，它是宝盖之下的一只猪——这只猪又是谁呢。相比之下，别的语言就没有这样自己糟践自己。Home，就是H——O——M——E，没有任何能让人联想到pig的东西。 与此同时，长安城还是老模样，而且有趣的事越来越少。红拂每天都要花很多时间来看蝴蝶，但是长安城里没有好看的蝴蝶，只有一种幼虫吃洋白菜的白粉蝶，孤零零的在一片灰黄色上展开翅膀。为了招来白粉蝶，红拂还特意种了一些洋白菜。但是她不会种菜，所以菜后来都死了，粉蝶也不来了。她还想种些花草，但是一样也种不活，甚至连狗尾巴草也死了——这是因为长安的水土除了槐树，什么都不长——这一点和北京不一样，这里下一场久雨，遍地是杂草，然后居委会的老太太再组织人力把它连根拔掉。她还可以怨恨这一切，把怨恨当做消遗。但是这一切都是卫公的安排。她爱卫公，并且不想改变，虽然爱他这件事干得有点欠考虑。只剩下最后一件事可千，就是盖上贝壳乳罩，挂上水袋，穿上衣服，出去上班。穿上这套可怕的服饰，也就是截断了思想。她的倒霉之处在于只有脱光了衣服，对着一面镜子；或者是抱住了卫公才能想像，但是不能一天到晚总这样。我也不能不去上班，走到灰色的人群里去，一路走一路想入非非。活着成为一只猪和死掉，也不知哪个更可怕。