Li Jing, Hong Fu, and Qiu Ran are known as the Three Heroes in the world.The story is recorded in Du Guangting's "Biography of the Curly Bearded Guest", which is quite popular.However, in Du's evil writing, there are many omissions and many fallacies.My husband, Wang Er, has read a lot of books and worked hard for ten years to write this article. The three heroic things recorded are both well-prepared and accurate.Husband for this article, sleep and eat all waste.Washing trousers and changing gas is all paid for, buying food and taking out the garbage is not on my mind, and when I have free time, I sit quietly in front of the desk, swallowing clouds and fog, and writing quickly.Now that the book has been completed, Yu Xi is on the historian's desk, adding a new book, and even more happy about family affairs in the future. He has no excuses, so this preface is formed.In the summer of Bingyin year, the Hu family of Wangmen burned incense and wrote it.

According to historical records, Li Jing, the Duke of Wei in the Tang Dynasty, was a young man without behavior.During the years when Emperor Sui Yang went to Jiangdu, he bullied the city and collected protection fees from honest citizens in Luoyang City.As the saying goes, strange people have their own abnormalities.This uncle was born to be eight feet tall, with three arms and three stops, a hulking back, an eagle nose and big eyes, a voice like a bear, muscular and powerful, with black hair and beard, and golden-yellow body hair.Spoken words resonate below the navel.In modern times, he would be singing bass in the opera house, and he doesn't have to be a hooligan on the street.His eyes are different colors, one green and one purple.Seeing this man approaching, the roadside peddler immediately put ten copper coins at the stall.After he passed, the money was gone.

Li Jing loves drinking the most, so he got acquainted with a large number of romantic widows who sell alcohol.Those women loved him to death, and as soon as he entered the alley, they were jealous and quarreled with each other.The specific why is not clear.Today is not the year of Wu Zetian, so I can't write about that kind of thing.Li Jing also likes to go to wineries.Every day after three o'clock in the afternoon, as long as he was not on Jiufang Street, the flesh on his legs would jump. This day is an exception.The sun was setting to the west, Li Jing was still at home, he was gnashing his teeth, furious.The right eye is red and purple, like a wild dog that has eaten human flesh.The left eye is blue and green, like the eyes of a leopard seen in the mountains in the middle of the night, and both eyes shine together, like the night lights of an airplane.Looking at his posture, you must think that he is full of anger.In fact, it is not the case. If something scares him, he is like this.When it was time to fight people desperately, he laughed. This kind of person is unpredictable, so it is the most difficult to guard against.He later commanded a hundred thousand soldiers and defeated the Turks, all thanks to this unpredictable temperament.He slapped the table and yelled, the sound shook the room, but his heart was trembling.An unlucky thing happened to him. He was accidentally taken by Yang Su, the left-behind captain of Luoyang yesterday, and wanted to accept him as his son-in-law.This is no joke.This east bed is worse than a mortuary, if you lie on it, you will be dead!

This is all to blame for going to Luoyang Tower to drink yesterday morning.The wine was a little weird, a little medicinal.Li Jing is a great connoisseur of wine tasting. Once he drinks it, he knows that the wine is not old enough, and it is not strong enough.The shopkeeper was afraid that people would not be motivated enough after drinking it, so he would not come here in the future, so he soaked some marijuana leaves, poppies and the like in it, in short, it was something addictive.He immediately yelled at him, exposing the family's secrets.It doesn't matter this time, the shopkeeper immediately ran out to bow to him, and said he could eat and drink whatever he wanted, and all the food and wine would be treated as a treat on the counter, as long as he didn't shout so much.Li Jing really liked the free food and drink, so he drank there for himself, and drank more than a jar.According to his drinking capacity, a jar of rice wine can't make him drunk, but there are ghosts in the wine.After drinking it, my whole brain was itchy, but I couldn't scratch it.He pulled over two tables, snapped them together, jumped on them and delivered the following speech:

"Dear guests of Luoyang Tower, I, Li Jing, are very polite. I drink this cup to wish everyone a long life! I have an amazing news to announce. According to the survey and research in the next ten years, within three years in the Kanto area There will be great chaos, thirty-six grass bandits, seventy-two smoke and dust. There will be swords and soldiers everywhere, and the sky will be filled with smoke. After the chaos, there will be no more than one out of ten people in the Kanto. It is based on facts. The most important one is: our sage and benevolent emperor, the second lord of the Great Sui Dynasty, the great Sui Yang Emperor, the one that everyone called him a little bastard in the public toilet, is already incurable. mental illness!"

As soon as this remark came out, there was a burst of chaos.There were a few Imperial Army officers in purple robes, all young Xianbei youths with yellow beards, who wanted to drag Li Jing down and beat him up, and a few Taoist priests in black robes came to their aid and fought the young officers.A group of rascals took the opportunity to destroy the counter, wanting to loot it, and beat the waiter until he ran away with his head in his arms. Several master chefs came out with iron forks and kitchen knives to deal with these rascals.The rest of the people ran to the stairs, those behind squeezed forward, and those in front rolled down.Li Jing sat on the table, poured himself a drink, and continued to give a speech. His bass was like thunder rolling around in the hall.He said that the emperor's problem was a serious sex maniac, and he wanted to take all the women in the world for himself.Now the virgins under 20 in the Kanto area, as long as they don't have lameness, don't have smelly armpits, and have a complete nose and eyes, they are all recruited by him.The first-class ones are directly locked in the labyrinth, the second-class ones are kept outside for backup, and the third-class ones pull the dragon boat for him.This has caused serious sexual hunger and thirst in the Kanto Plain, and a large number of bachelors have to jump over the wall in a hurry.The soaring price of sows shows the seriousness of the situation.He advised everyone to pack up their clothes and go west to Sichuan to seek refuge, but there were not many people who listened.Those veterans were beating the officers on horseback, when they suddenly saw the cooks beating off the hooligans and coming to arrest Li Jing, they put the officers aside and rushed up to beat up the cooks.Li Jing saw an old Taoist with his left hand behind his back, and his right hand was slapping a fat cook's face indiscriminately, so he couldn't help shouting.The cook retreated steadily, backing to the wall, and had already received more than five hundred punches in the face.As soon as the old man stopped, he slid down the wall like a slide, and collapsed into a heap.Looking at that face again, it was beaten like a ball of minced meat.Li Jing got down from the table, stepped on a puddle of slippery meat and nearly fell down, and was supported by the old Taoists.He said in a daze:

"Thank you Daoist for your help!" "It's nothing. The old master wanted to beat them up for a long time. The old man was so righteous in the restaurant today that he scolded the faint king, and he gave a bad breath to the old people! The old man really admires it. Let the young man come to Xiaoguan Sit down, the old Taoists will serve you tea, how about it?" Li Jing saw that this old man had a high nose and curly hair.He also said that others are bulldogs, and he himself is not clean.It's no wonder that since the Five Husbands of China, the blood of the Chinese has become complicated.Since the Ming and Qing Dynasties, China and Pakistan started their own business, and after hundreds of years of strict self-breeding and rejuvenation, the flat nose and single eyelids were restored.This is a later story, of course Li Jing doesn't know.He was not happy to hear that someone was driving a dog.His mother is Xianbei, and his grandmother is Donghu.From the patrilineal point of view, he is a famous family, and from the matrilineal point of view, his lineage is a hodgepodge, a bastard.He didn't like these veterans and wanted to go home by himself, but his face was numb, his legs were weak, and he was spinning around. He was about to fall, but was carried away.

When Li Jing woke up, he found himself lying naked on a soft bed. He heard a lot of women whispering beside him, so he hurriedly turned his head to look, it was terrible.There was an old man sitting upright, and a dozen young girls were standing behind the old man.He jumped up "swipely", threw himself on the coffee table next to him, grabbed a pot of peony flowers, took out the flowers and soil, and put the empty flower pot in his private place.At this moment, I heard a soft sigh from behind me: "Oh, what a pity for such a beautiful flower. Hongfu, if I knew this, I cut it off and put it on your head, so that it can be close to the fragrance of a beautiful woman, and I will not disappoint the flower." Open once."

"Grandpa, you can't say that. Although this flower was abandoned on the ground, its branches and leaves will soon fall, but its flower pot has covered the beauty of the young master and saved him in a hurry. The beauty is unlucky, as long as it is To die under the bright moon and the breeze, or to reward a bosom friend, is a worthy death. Lord, didn't you teach us that?" "Yes? Hongfu, if you want to, I will give you to him." "God, are you willing?" At this moment Li Jing came back, holding the flower pot with one hand, sat cross-legged on the bed, and said angrily: "Old man, you dare to kidnap me! Tell you, you have found the wrong person to kidnap me! I, Li Jing I have nothing but a shabby hut, and I haven't brought the deed with me. Who are you?"

"The flower guardian, the master of Jufangzhai. You call me an old bastard behind your back, but in fact I am the most elegant person in the world. The old man Huguogong, Baoguogong, Shangzhuguo, Dongdu Five Armies Commander, Left Guard Envoy, The envoys to protect the people, the envoys to capture robbers, the envoys to capture and kill, and the imperial army are all Taiwei, Yang Su is." Li Jing yelled loudly, only three ghosts and seven souls were frightened.He stammered and said: "The Taiwei is on the top, the grass people are wearing flowerpots, so they cannot salute. The Taiwei arrested the grass people. I wonder if there are any criminals in the grass people?"

"Haha, the old man has a group of goddaughters who are eager to get married. When I see beautiful jade and good materials, I will be a little unscrupulous. You are my son-in-law. As long as I salute you, I will change my title and call you a good son-in-law. How about it?" Cold sweat broke out on Li Jing's head. He rolled his eyes and said, "Captain, that's not what you said. Forcibly marrying a civilian woman is already a serious crime; to kidnap a civilian man is a third-class crime! Being your son-in-law is a matter of death." , I don't do it. I don't deserve it either. I'm a hooligan, how can I deserve that golden branch and jade leaf? Girls, do you think so? I have epilepsy, and I have epilepsy. !" Yang Su saw that he was about to withdraw, so he quickly stopped: "Why are you doing this? Since I don't want to, I don't force it. It's just that I saw a business in the office and took it home to settle with you. Do it." He clapped his hands twice and called out, "Bring it!" A thirteen or fourteen-year-old girl came out from behind the scenes and delivered a piece of paper on a tray. Li Jing grabbed it with one hand and took a look. It turned out to be the transcript of his speech in the restaurant. I remember every word. The person who recorded it was Ji, the chief of the police in Tokyo, and there were six signatures from the people present to prove that the transcript was accurate. correct.Li Jing's hands trembled when he saw it.Yang Su sneered: "In public, utter obscenities and attack the Holy Majesty. This is a crime of disrespect, and it should be abandoned! Li Jing, are you going to be private?" "You don't need to come, I'm fucking myself!" He stuffed the paper into his mouth and ate it, then wiped the ink soup around his mouth and said, "Yang Su, are you out of luck this time? Pu Dongli, there is no comparison. Our family is the sixth royal family in the world. Many people are officials outside. If you want to punish me, you must have real evidence. But I have already eaten the real evidence. There is no on-site record. If you want to handle my case, Be careful of the court's comments! Return my clothes and let me go!" Yang Su laughed loudly: "Li Jing, you take this old man for granted. This old man is a veteran of the three dynasties. He has handled public cases all his life. How can he be so careless? This record has seven originals and copies, all of which are signed by witnesses. Choke you to death! Tell yourself, is it public or private?" "How about public? How about private?" "It's public? It's easy. The old man will take you out with a snap of his fingers. The evidence is convincing, and you can handle it quickly. The case I confessed is more serious than the iron case. Within half a month, I will push you to Luoyang In the market, with a bang, your head will be gone! You don’t like it? I don’t like it either! After a famous family like you is pushed out to have your head beheaded, not to mention shocking the government and the public, your relatives will also remember me Pen. There is another method, we can say that it is convenient. I will marry my goddaughter to you, and you will move to my house to study. I will guarantee you to enjoy the bliss of the world. If you are not satisfied, you can tell me, and I will give it to you. You arrange it. Of course, you won't enjoy this kind of blessing for long, and I'm not a procuress who runs a brothel. After two or three months, you will suffer from Qi deficiency, blood deficiency, liver deficiency and kidney deficiency, and a disease that cannot be cured. Don't ask What is wrong with this? It’s fine if you die. In your family, there are no children who have been punished by officials, and this old man is not accused of killing scholars indiscriminately. After you die, there are still people who cry, and others talk about you nicely. Flower If you die the month before last, being a ghost is also romantic! Go to the underworld, you’ll look better, you’ll have a good death, you’re not a headless ghost! If you’re willing, I won’t treat you badly, I’ll give you this red brush, look at her Is it good-looking or not? Insurance is a golden girl. Oh, Li Jing, I know you are a good young man! Who gave you the idea of ​​rebellion? The world is raging now, and the building is about to collapse. As a former emperor and former minister, I have to do my best , Kuangfu the royal family, kill all the smart people like you, and there will be no big troubles if there are illiterate fools left. Don't regret it! This has nothing to do with your drinking. The Luoyang Tower is my secret institution. It’s so addictive that a dumb person has to speak his mind after drinking it. Young people, ginger is still old and hot. You think you’re smart, but you still follow the old man’s way. To be safe, you have to keep your mind clean and think more about your master. Said, or romantic, don't use your mind to the other side. By the way, it's useless to tell you this now. Do you want to be my son-in-law, or do you want to go to a dark prison and be a death row prisoner? Speak quickly!" "Damn it, who is willing to be knifed, of course he must choose a good way to die." "Hongfu, come out to meet my uncle. Hahaha, the old man has taken in another son-in-law?" Hongfu came out and bowed deeply.This girl is as beautiful as the moon, her hair is shrunk and folded in half, and it is more than four feet long, hanging to her waist, it is really black and shiny.She raised her head and looked directly at Li Jing, her eyes were as clear as two pools of spring water.Li Jing thought: This woman is really shameless!You bastard, you're going to cling to me like a big leech and suck me dry, and enjoy yourself like that.Don't you feel a little ashamed when you look at me like that?After paying attention to Li Jing, Hong Fu turned around again, knelt down in front of Yang Su, and said softly, "Thank you god for the marriage! God, when will you invite my husband to move in?" She spoke like singing and singing, and there was an indescribable sexiness in her voice, which seemed to be lingering for three days.But when Li Jing heard this, he felt angry and shouted secretly: Don't speak so nicely!You are the executioner, I am the cause of death.What "husband"?Not too shabby!Yang Su laughed and said: "It is better to hit the sun than to choose a day, and today is not as good as to hit the sun. Let's tidy up the small courtyard and let the two of you live in it. I know you little hoof, your heart is already flying! I can't wait for a moment, I It's not enough to say '!" "God knows what's on my mind." Li Jing shouted: "Wait a minute, Yang Su, I'm going home to clean up." Yang Su laughed: "What are you packing? I know you only have one thatched hut and two broken boxes in your house. Even if you bring those things in, you have to burn them with a fire—it's unhygienic. Either way, I'll give you a day off. I know you are going to run away. I warn you, give up your heart! How many people have escaped and were still caught? Can't get out of my palm!" "Don't be too arrogant! If others can't run, I might be able to. You have the ability to make a bet with me: give me three days. After three days, I will run away. You are an idiot. If you can't run away, I will It's a fool. How?" Yang Su was so happy that she rubbed her hands together. "Wow, wow! When I kill people, I have to do it artistically and make the deceased willing. In addition to the one-day holiday, I will give you three more days, and you can go anywhere in Luoyang City. By the afternoon of the fourth day, or you come Report to the Captain's Mansion and enter the tent with my goddaughter, or you escape Luoyang for seven hundred miles, I will not pursue it, as soon as you leave Luoyang City, I will kill you!" "It's easy to say, a gentleman?" "Come on!" "A high five! How can I trust you?" "Two high-fives! This old man commands the swordsmen of the world, all in one word 'letter', how can I break my promise to you? But you are not allowed to tell anything about this place. I will kill whoever you tell!" "Three high fives! Tell someone to bring me my clothes, or I'll get out of here naked, I can do it!" Yang Su laughed loudly, clapped her hands and asked the maid to bring the clothes, and left with her goddaughters.Hong Fu stayed at the end. She stared at Li Jing for a long time, then suddenly pointed to the sky, the ground, and her own heart, which meant that if you care about your heart, God knows the earth.Then blushed, turned and ran away.While dressing, Li Jing thought: "I'm not dumb, how can I understand dumb speech? Oh! You mean I went to heaven and earth, but I will inevitably lie on your body in the end? Smelly shameless! I just slept with an old sow I don't care about you either!" That's what happened yesterday, Li Jing is sitting at home now thinking of a plan to escape.Luoyang in July was extremely hot, and the roof of his thatched house was thin, and the room was extremely hot. Li Jing sat on a three-legged chair and fanned an old palm leaf fan that bloomed on all sides, calculating every detail.He knew that he was more than deep and not enough quick, so he had to think of several backup plans. Just as he was thinking of the ninth step of the eighth plan, someone knocked on the door suddenly.He was a bird of fright at first, this scare was no small matter, with a "gudong", he and the chair fell backwards, and then he heard someone laughing outside the door, but the voice sounded like a woman.Li Jing thought: I heard that Monk Huahua, the ninth swordsman in Taiwei's mansion, is a yin and yang person, so he must have come to send some letters for Yang Su.When I open the door, scold him bloody!Unexpectedly, when I opened the door, I saw that it was the female worker of Li Erniang's family who sold wine.She greeted Li Jing with a blessing, and then grinned like a landslide. The fat woman said: "My wife has a letter to my husband." Li Jing was angry.A woman who sells liquor and writes letters!Just take a word and you'll be fine.When I opened it, my nose twisted in anger. This is a crooked poem, with eight of the twenty-eight characters misspelled.There is no such thing as a mediocre rhythm.Of course, what was written was full of sentimental tones.After reading it once, I got goosebumps all over my body, and then I saw a string of small characters below: "Dear relatives, loving, caring and caring Mr. Li Jing is right - the concubine Li Erniang knocks every time." He just felt numb all over his body, as if he was hit High voltage electricity, he returned the paper to the fat woman and said, "Did your wife make up this jingle?" "That's right! It took me a whole night to weave. While thinking about it, I bit the penholder and broke three pens." Li Jing couldn't help laughing. "Okay, I've read this poem. Tell your wife, it's well edited, and I can't change it." "There are words on the back of this paper!" "I know, it's just asking me to go. I'm really busy today, so I'll definitely go some other day." "Sir, my wife has just unearthed a jar of old wine, please go to Kaifeng!" Li Jing wavered, no, still can't go.If you want to escape at home, it is much more important than drinking, but he still asked: "What is the concept of aging?" "Buried for fifteen years. I was there when the wine was made. For that jar of wine, two buckets of glutinous rice and two buckets of japonica rice were used. The rice was selected one by one, and the homemade koji was half and half with the rice... ...Even if Mr. Xiang has the capacity to drink, he still won't be able to eat a bottle!" Don't believe it, it's a lie.Trying to trick me into taking the bait!If I go, if the plan fails, I will die. Is life more important than wine?But the cheeks are sore and the mouth is drooling, this feeling is really hard to bear!Ten years of aging is also rare, let alone fifteen years!Li Jing finally made up his mind. "Today is really not free. Please tell Erniang to bury the wine again. I will go within ten days!" "My wife said, if you don't go, she will drink all the wine by herself, and you don't have to worry about getting drunk!" It's over, it's over, this woman is a ghost, she only picks places that are afraid of pain!Li Jing said: "This is shameless blackmail!! Go back and tell her, I will go as soon as it gets dark." After the fat woman left, Li Jing checked that it was still early, and then went on to think about the ninth plan.The eighth plan is the second step of the fifth plan, which is the escape plan after being captured on the way to escape.If it fails, execute number nine: On the second day after he and Hong Fu entered the bridal chamber together, he suddenly yelled, bit his tongue, and held his breath to pretend to be dead.Of course Yang Su didn't believe it, and would definitely send someone to burn the soles of his feet with a red-hot iron bar. He jumped up with a loud cry, rolled his eyes, jumped straight up, frightened the people present, and then ran away.This is the first step, after escaping, naked and in the middle of the night, what should I do? Li Jing felt water coming out of his mouth, and couldn't think about it anymore.His mind was in a frenzy, as if fifteen people were saying in one go: "Wine, good wine."Ten years of aging. ...He was so angry that he shouted, "Shut up the fuck!" After yelling, he felt bored again, so he said angrily: "Li Erniang, you whore! If I die this time, you will be seduced by wine!" But it didn't help.So, he rummaged through the jar, found some hairy pickles, and chewed them slowly. When it was getting dark, Li Jing went out.Walking out of the alley, he found a black-robed Taoist following behind him.That person evaded, not letting Li Jing see his face.Li Jing sneered, walked straight into the market without looking at him. At this time, the day market was gone, the night market was not yet open, and there were not many people in the market. All the hawkers looked at Li Jing with amazed eyes, making him hairy. He thought for a long time before he realized that it was his attire that People don't like it. He usually wears short clothes and strong clothes: black double-breasted bodysuits, thin-soled fast boots, a hero's cloak, loose hair, and a flower on his chest.That was the standard Luoyang hooligan attire.But the clothes were confiscated by Yang Su.Now he is wearing a white silk Confucian robe, a Confucian scarf, and thick-soled boots.The former is equivalent to sportswear and exercise shoes, and the latter is equivalent to today's suits and leather shoes.When the peddlers saw this man, they all thought: This beast!Dressed up like this ghost today, I don't know what to have fun with? Li Jing couldn't help being moved when he saw other people's strange eyes.He thought: In a few days, I will bid farewell to these people forever.Or I may escape to the deep mountains and live among wild beasts; I may also die in the wilderness, and the vultures come to peck at my body.Will they remember me?He went to Mr. Liu's stall selling porridge and soup, saluted him, and was about to speak, but Mr. Liu kept nodding his head and bowing his head, tremblingly saying, "Grandpa! The little one just opened and has no money! Please wait a while." Come take it again." "Old man, why do you call me grandpa? The boy was in the city a while ago, and he really had to deal with it! I'm going back to my hometown tomorrow, so I came here to say goodbye to the old man." "Go back home! Good! It's better to die on the way... No, no, no! Grandpa, don't take offense when the little dick talks in his sleep!" Li Jing sighed and left his stall.He thought they were just petty little people, what was the point of talking to them.I, Li Jing, am an upright man.I have my career, my intelligence, and my ambition!How can I not go to the stall to find someone to sympathize with.He raised his head to the sky and howled, that is to say, whistled.Just like this, he blew a valiant march and walked into the wine shop street. The lights in Jiufang Street were just turned on, and all the doors facing the street were opened.White cloth pergolas were set up everywhere, stalls were set up under the sheds, and in front of the stalls were Maza for drinkers to sit on.There is also a signboard, with big characters written in black pen on the white cloth: "Zhang Ji's fine wine. Ten years of aging, the genuine product, mixed with water will kill off children and grandchildren!" "Liu Ji fine wine. Carefully blended, with ten kinds of precious medicinal materials such as Codonopsis pilosula, angelica, safflower, etc., it is complete and tonic, invigorates blood and strengthens yang, leading the new trend in Luoyang!" "Sun Kee fine wine. Cheap, cheap, cheap, really cheap! Delicious, delicious, delicious, really delicious!! Taste before you buy, there are convenient containers..." "Always remember good wine. Getting drunk is not worth your life!" The women who sell wine are all sitting behind the booth, scratching their heads and making gestures.Some covered half of their faces with fans, and some stretched their necks, pretending to be innocent girls of fifteen.In fact, most of these people are over 25 years old and under 35 years old. They have all been married and have seen male genitalia.When they saw Li Jing, they stopped pretending and roared at the top of their voices. "Little Li Jing, sweetheart, come here!" "You are so beautifully dressed! Come here and let me see your sister!" "Everyone, I, Li Jing, have an appointment with someone today, and I will definitely visit you another day!" "Where are you going? Li Jing, you bastard, come back!!" "This male dog must have gone to that prostitute Li Erniang's house! She didn't set up a stall today." Li Jing walked to Li Erniang's door, knocked on the knocker and the door opened, it turned out that the door was not covered.Li Jing went in and looked at the entrance of the alley, only to see the Taoist priest buying wine in a pretentious manner.He closed the door with a bang, fastened three bolts, turned around, and saw a big Eight Immortals table in the main room downstairs, and a dozen big red candles weighing two catties were lit all around.Knives and spoons rang in the kitchen, and the smell of vegetables wafted in.But the wine was nowhere to be seen, nor was Li Erniang.He yelled: "Li Erniang, I, Li Jing, are here too!" Hearing a sound of stairs, Li Erniang walked down the stairs.This woman was originally the most beautiful little widow in Luoyang, but she was unwilling to do so, and wanted to compete with the pheasants at the bridgehead in Luoyang.She had a finger-thick powder on her face, her lips were smeared like blood, her eyebrows were painted like a painted face on a stage, she was wearing a pomegranate-colored floor-length skirt, and a white gauze long-sleeved shirt with gold buttons on her upper body. Straighten his neck and assume the posture of Luoshen Lingbo.But when she saw Li Jing, she couldn't pretend anymore, she kept yelling, "Little Rourou, you little girl! Are you dressing up for me?" He yelled, and swooped down, wanting to fall into Li Jing's arms. Seeing the ferocious approach, Li Jing quickly dodges.Li Erniang almost hit the opposite wall, she turned her head and was about to cry, the tears swirled in her eyes three times and then choked back.She said in a coquettish voice, "My husband! You don't like me? Then why are you still here?" "Who says you don't like it? I'm afraid you'll hit me. Where's the wine?" "You—you! If I hadn't been powdered, I would have cried! Are you here for wine or for people?" "I like both wine and people. Among the women who sell wine, I like you the most. The wine is authentic, and the people are also—not authentic, but very beautiful." Li Erniang thought for a long time, undecided whether to cry or laugh, and finally she laughed. "In that case, come and kiss me!" "That's not going to work. Someone's watching!" Li Erniang looked back and saw a fat head protruding from the kitchen door. The fat female worker's eyes were wide open like a sensual old man watching someone's sex.She yelled: "Fatty, close your eyes! Is it done this time?" Li Erniang also closed her eyes and tilted her head, making a posture of waiting.Li Jing's words are imperative.He searched and searched, and finally found a slightly thinner place on the base of the neck and kissed it.Li Erniang yelled, her whole body was limp, she hugged Li Jing's neck and said: "Little dear, go upstairs and see what my bedroom looks like!" here we go again!Li Jing thought, how can he... for such a rich and strong fan?You have to drink some wine. If you don't get half drunk, I'm afraid it won't work.He said: "Drink a little first, or you will lose energy!" "The dishes need to stay for a while. Go upstairs first, I beg you! I've been waiting for you all afternoon, and my heart is on fire!" "Now I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. Don't cry! Let me tell you, you don't know how to dress up at all, and it's scary when you dress up. Are you dressing up? It's just painting the wall!" Li Erniang burst into tears with a "wow".Li Jing also felt that this was a big loss.Besides, if you want to drink other people's wine, you should speak nicely.He lost his composure today and was too angry because he was thinking about the tenth plan that he hadn't finished.Li Erniang cried for a while, then exposed half of her face from her armpits and said, "Do you not like me at all?" "How can I? I like it so much! But you have to wash off the powder." "Don't look at me! My sleeves are transparent and I can't hide them. This is all Chubby's idea. She said that a woman is a confidant. I get it. She is jealous of the two of us and wants to demolish me! Hmph , The fat pig also wants to eat swan meat! I'll go wash my face and beat her up!" Sitting at the table, Li Jing heard the muffled sound of the rolling pin hitting Pang Pang in the kitchen, and Pang Pang screamed.Then I heard the sound of rushing water.Waiting and waiting, waiting until the hairs on my heart.Li Erniang just came out, she changed into a short skirt and short shirt, holding a jar in her arms, green hair was hanging on the mud seal.Li Jing immediately salivated when he saw that the style of the jar was not what it is today.He snatched a knife from the table and ran over, yelling: "Be careful! Don't hit me. I'll open it. It's not fun to drop mud into it! Mommy, bring a big magnetic basin!" Li Erniang was holding the magnetic basin, fascinated. "When will I really become your child's mother? Ah, Li Jing! Are you sincere? Can you see me?" "Sincerely! Give me the basin quickly. Why don't you like it? You went to the fan, it's really beautiful!" "You're right. The first pot of water I used to wash my face was like noodle soup. With so much powder on my face, I also felt heavy. Fatty, bring cold vegetables and a big bowl! Quick, quick, quick!" " The wine was poured out, and the aroma filled the room.Li Jing smacked his nose desperately, took a deep breath, and shouted: "Good wine! It's not in vain to be called a good wine for fifteen years!" "What fifteen years? I did it the year I was born. It's been twenty-four years. Li Jing, you and I drank a few big bowls, and today we are neither drunk nor parted!" Li Erniang stepped on the stool with one foot, holding a large bowl in her hand, she was really majestic and high-spirited.Her alcohol capacity ranks first among the women who sell wine, and sometimes even Li Jing can't drink it.Li Jing touched three big bowls with her in a row, suppressed the gluttons in his mouth, then changed into small cups, and sipped it bit by bit.He praised: "Good wine, good wine! It's truly a wine made from a dou of glutinous rice and a dou of japonica!" "Bah! Li Jing, why is your tongue so long? Let me tell you, to make this old brew, you need a bucket of sorghum, a bucket of millet, a bucket of corn, and a bucket of glutinous rice. You also need high-quality peas. The koji made from barley, Half of the grain and half of the koji are mixed and fermented. The fermented grains are made without water, but with wine. It takes at least three years of fermentation before it can be squeezed out of the altar. This wine can’t be bought even if you have money. In the past, my dead ghost husband wanted to dig it out and drink it. I dug down the back wall, but I couldn’t dig it out. Yesterday I went to the back garden and dug it out. It can be seen that the dead ghost is not blessed to enjoy this wine, only your heart and flesh are worthy of it!" Li Jing frowned: "When it comes to your husband, you should respect him a little bit." After Li Erniang drank, her temper also came up.She poked her neck and asked: "Why don't you respect me?" "What can I do? He's your husband." "Then what are you talking about?" "I was thinking, after I die, I don't know what you will say." "Then you don't have to worry. What's the point of living if you're dead? I'll definitely commit suicide. What's the point of drinking like this? Let's go upstairs to bed and drink. After a while, the food will be ready and Pangpang will send it to our bedside. " Li Jing carried the wine and went upstairs with Li Erniang.This bedroom has really changed a lot, not to mention the new bed and new tent, there is an imitation palace lamp beside the bed, it is really exquisite.Li Erniang ran behind the screen, Li Jing put the wine jar on the bedside table, and sat on a leopard skin in front of the bed.It was a hot day, and the alcohol was on the rise, so he took off his robe and spread the front of his underwear.He suddenly heard: "Come and see!" When he raised his head, he was almost dumbfounded... Fatty was carrying a large tray, and when he went upstairs, it was pitch black.Just listen to Li Jing say: "Shhh! Look at the stairs, those eyes are shining. It's a cat, right? I'll throw a shoe and beat it away!" "Don't talk nonsense. That's fat! Hey, what a fool! Bring the food to the table." "Tell my wife, it's dark here, I'm afraid I'll trip over it." "Li Jing, lift the lampshade. What are you touching?" "I touch my clothes. It's disgusting enough for us to lie like this, but we can't let women see me naked again." Li Erniang flicked on the light, and Li Jing screamed and lay down on the bed.Li Erniang laughed out loud. "Li Jing, why are you ashamed? What kind of woman is she? Fatty, tell yourself. What are you?" "Sir, I'm a big fat pig, full of flesh!" "Are you a woman?" "I'm not a woman. I'm a woman!" "Okay, Fatty, you've done your duty. Tonight, you are authorized to come upstairs and sleep on the leopard skin next to our bed. Now you go downstairs and bring up the bathtub. I want to take a bath with Li Xianggong. " Pangpang went downstairs.Li Erniang opened the food box and saw that it was full of lion heads.Crispy duck or something.She resentfully said: "This fat pig is really tasteless! It's so fat, how can you eat it? Be careful, you can eat a little. What are you doing with your clothes? Where are you going? You should sleep with me for a while." "No, my dear. I'm very busy. You should put on some. I have something to say." "Let's just say that!" "I really don't know what to say. I won't be able to come for a while!". Li Erniang turned over and sat up, staring eyes wide open, brows bristling, waiting for his next sentence. "People force me to marry..." Li Erniang hurriedly yelled: "You pervert! What kind of vixen is fascinated by you? I must wipe dog shit on her door!" "I was forced to do it, and I couldn't do it." "Ah! Have you made some little whore belly bigger?" "No no. The situation is much more serious. Yang Su wants me to be his son-in-law. This is a life-threatening deal, and I want to run away..." Only a few people know what happened to Yang Su's son-in-law.Li Erniang cried loudly: "You've gone to the Taiwei's house - you dog! Get out!" "It's so noisy, what should I say?" “老娘不听你放屁！”李二娘跳起来，把屋里的东西一通乱砸。李靖趁乱抢了衣服，又抱起那坛酒，逃到楼下，就着坛子一顿狂饮。这急酒灌下去，只觉得脑袋发了蒙。他放下坛子，听见楼上叮当声小了，就叫：“二娘，二娘肯听我说吗？” “你滚蛋！” 针线盒、首饰箱顺着楼梯往下滚。李靖摇摇头说：“这么好的酒，以后再也喝不到了！” 为了补偿别离的痛苦，他把坛子凑到嘴边又灌了一气。然后走出门去。从昨天到现在，他是粒米未沾牙，又灌了两气猛酒，走出小巷以后，脚步就跟跄起来。这李家秘传的陈酿酒，后味无穷，李靖走到洛阳桥头，再也走不动了，他一头摔倒在明渠边，打起呼噜来。 李靖醒来时，只看见漫天的星斗，偌大的洛阳城，只剩下寥寥几盏灯火——夜深了。他挣扎着走上桥去，只见那个黑袍道人正坐在桥栏杆上。这回看清了他的脸，就是那天在酒楼上帮助打架的那个老道，李靖凑过去说：“天黑了，道兄不回观去吗？” 道士瞪着眼看他，就像是个聋子。冷不防车靖打出一个酒嗝，奇臭无比。道士急忙转过身去，李靖晃晃悠悠地走了。那道士看着他的背影，手扶剑鞘，只捏得手指节发白，咬得牙齿咯咯响，他恨不得冲上去，一剑刺入李靖的后心。游侠剑士性如烈火，怎吃得这种羞辱！可是，他不敢杀他。大尉不许可。他只好跟在李靖身后，好像一个跟班。 李靖回到家，走到漆黑一团的小屋子，只觉得这儿隐隐有呼吸之声，喝得太多了，耳朵里轰鸣如雷，什么也听不清。他磕磕绊绊摸到缸边，把脑袋扎入水中。直起身时，一股冰凉的水流顺着脊梁沟往下淌。李靖强忍着没叫出来，屏息再听，桌边果然有一个人在喘气，细而不匀。不用问，准是那个卖酒的少妇来捣乱。 也可能是张四娘。这娘们卖弄风情的惟一手段就是装神弄鬼吓唬人，先后吓死了两个丈夫。李靖想，我要是不怕，她一定不肯干休，非折腾一宿不可。我可不能和她纠缠。于是他惨叫一声：“有鬼！”就奔出门，只听“嘣”地一声和门外一个人碰了头。那个人“哇”地一声叫出声来，一纵跳上对面的房不见了。 李靖也吓了个半死，好半天才想起这是那盯梢的老道。他平平心气，觉得不能这么溜走。那老道跟在屁股后面阴魂不散，所以还是要进屋去。李靖看看天上的星星，心里一阵酸楚：天呀！闪得我有家难回！我还要把第十个计划想好。所以还是要好好地劝这臭娘们走开。他又走进门去，装出一个可怜腔： “四娘，你吓着我了，你满意了吧？请你回家。改天我一定去你那儿。” 那女人喉咙里咯咯响，好像呛了水。李靖说：“你是莉莉？小乖乖，你也学着吓我！不瞒你说，我和李二娘刚疯过。你得让我缓一缓！” 咯咯声更响了，好像母鸡试着打鸣。李靖摸出火石，垫上火绒，一火镰敲去，却正中自己的指头。火石飞出去，先撞了房梁，又撞了后墙。他到窗户上去摸备用火石，那桌边的人却摸出火种，吹出了火焰。这是个道童，一张俏脸，怎么这么面熟呢？不对，还是个女人。她身上有一股香气。再仔细一看，不得了，撞上了要命星，李靖大叫一声，往后便倒。 读者诸公猜到了吧，此人正是红拂。此人在风尘三侠中名列第二，据杜光庭《虬髯客传》所载，红拂姓张。杜氏云及，李靖与红拂初会时，李靖问红拂，“问其姓，曰：'张。'问其伯仲之次，曰：'最长。'观其肌肤仪状言词气语，真天人。”此段文字，皆社氏之撰。据本人考证，红拂之姓不可考，伯仲之次不可考，就是问她本人也不得明白。红拂年幼之时，家贫不能养，乃舍于尼庵。长到十七岁，尚未受刺度，美发垂肩，光艳照人，不愿意削发为尼，就跑到洛阳市上自卖自身，得钱十余万，都给了抚养她的老尼姑。会李靖那年，红拂十九岁，美若天人，举世无匹。杨素养着干女儿是为了杀人，所以她也有些手段，更兼见识不凡，遂于风尘之中，一眼识出李靖李药师乃盖世之英雄。心想：彼若人杨府，就如肉包子打狗，有进无出。杨老头要我杀了这个汉子，如何下得手？不如溜出去和他一起逃了吧！于是跑到李靖家里来等。李靖一见红拂，就骂起来：“不是说还有三日之期吗？你怎么现在就来了？” “郎君休得这等看奴家，奴要救郎出险！郎君如欲逃时，奴便为前驱，拼一死杀条血路给郎君走！郎君不走时，却又快活，在这空鸟草房里还有三日可过。过得这三日，奴便自杀给郎君看！那时你便知奴是真心也！” “你不要和我打马虎眼。你快滚！回去告诉杨素，别使这美人计手段！”红拂痛哭起来：“郎薄幸！奴冒死奔了来，又说奴是美人计，也罢，奴死给你看！” 这娘们解下束腰的丝条条，跳上桌子就要悬梁自尽。李靖看她没有做作的意思，就一把把她拉下来。 “得了得了！算我倒霉。咱俩一块跑就是了。哎呀，带着你，怎么个跑法？你有主意吗？” “你要我了？太好了，太好了！亲个嘴吧。我有一个绝好的计划，你一定要对我好一点我才说。是这么着。你我上床去，先做一夜夫妻。然后到五更时，城门就开了，天还不亮。我冲出去和盯梢的王老道交手，你就乘机跑掉。那老道在杨府三十六名剑客中排在倒数第一，没什么了不起。我敢接他五十多招，够你走的了。” “胡扯淡！这是最笨的主意，你长了脑子没有？” “奴家无脑时，郎君须是有的。郎却说出那锦囊妙计来，奴家洗耳恭听！” “你这人怎么一会儿人话，一会儿鬼话！现在的形势是，你这一来，把我的头两个计划统统破坏。只能执行第三号计划了。现在太早，上床去歇会儿。” “奴……奴便乐杀了！！奴与那知情郎携手入罗帐，郎为奴宽衣解带！” “别胡扯。不是时候，坐着歇一会。” '哪便是枕戈待旦了。郎君……怎么说来的？老李，你抱抱我。”两个人坐在床上，只听床嘎嘎地响。李靖忍了一会儿，禁不住骂起来。 “你是不是屁股长毛了？这么悠来悠去！床要叫你搞散了！” “奴屁股上没长毛。心里倒好像长了毛。郎君再不理奴时，奴便对不起了！” “嘘！你把我头都弄晕了！你这荡妇，真是我的灾星！我实在无法忍受，要提前行动了。” 李靖从床下拖出一口箱子。打开以后，屋里充满了幽暗的蓝光。红拂好奇地走过去看，只见箱子里有一罐油膏，盖子一揭就冒出半尺长的蓝火苗。冷不防李靖揪住她的头发，抓起油青就抹了她一脸。 红拂尖叫起来：“烫杀奴家也！” “放狗屁！这东西是凉的！”李靖把红拂的头发揪散，又给她穿上一副长袍，这袍子长得很，多半截拖在地下。红拂哧哧地笑起来。 “郎做什么？” 说话之间，李靖已经把她撮到肩上。他咬牙切齿地说：“听你的口气，你好像会点把式？” “岂止会一点！奴虽无搅海翻天之能，五七条蠢汉却近不得身！郎，到那危难之时，你看本事么！” “别吹牛！眼前就要用着你的本事。出了门，咱们做一个联合鱼跃前滚翻，然后站起来你就大声叫苦。你要是不行不要逞能，要是出了洋相，咱们就要上阎老五处会齐了！你倒是成不成？” “奴已把头点得捣蒜也似……” “废话！我看不见。你开门闸，大声一点！” 外面盯梢的王道人听见巷里有动静，就跑进来看，正遇上李靖的家门开了，里面滚出一个妖怪。那东西满脸蓝火，见风就长到一丈多高，直着腿跳过来。王道士吓得目瞪口呆，忽然妖怪发出一声尖叫：“苦！奴家苦！”老道吓得一蹦一丈多高，脑袋碰在屋檐上，当场晕了过去。 这妖精出了巷口就地打个滚，一分两半，红拂和李靖从里面钻出来拔腿就跑。李靖拿着长袍，一边跑一边撕，让红拂拿去擦脸。跑着跑着，红拂站住不跑了。“郎此计虽妙，也有见不到处。” "what?" “此计五更行之则大妙，此时城门未开，吾却投哪里是好呀？” “笨蛋！往外跑算什么好主意？你跟我来吧！” 洛阳南城有一片地方荒得很。这边的地势利于攻城，战乱的年代人家老想从这里攻进来。城防吃紧时，守城的就扒这边的房子救急，把砖头木料当滚木檑石用，结果这儿就荒了。太平了几十年，这儿荒凉如故，只剩了一大片断壁残垣，荒草有一人多高。李靖早就把这地方记在心里。他带着红拂膛进荒草，在几十年没人走过的街道上走，遇上了几只下夜班的狐狸。它们见了人就溜走了。再拐进一个院子，从后墙塌倒的缺口处跳过去，就到了一座破庙里。这庙没了半边房顶。摸着黑走进屋子，膛（同上）着地上一大堆草。李靖打个大呵欠说：“困了，现在睡觉！” 他倒在草堆上，马上就睡着了，不过总睡不踏实。他背后的草堆上蟋蟋索索，好像在闹耗子。过了一会，有一股气息来吹他的脑勺。又过了一会，红拂又来亲他的脖子，吧叽吧叽好像在吃糖葫芦。然后一只胳膊就楼上来。 李靖忽然爬起来，跑到外面去撒尿，外面天光大亮，四周正在起雾。他回来时身上裹了好多雾气。李靖瞪起眼，开口就骂：“你这贱人！要干什么？” “我没想干什么呀？我恐怕你在想。我在大尉府受过训练，什么都懂！” “你这淫妇！这么说你是过来人了？” “非然也。奴只观摩过几次，是教学示范。郎，休苦了自家。若要奴时，只管拿了去。奴又不是那不晓事的！” “呸，才说了几句人活，又变回去了。我要睡觉。” 他滚倒在草堆上就要接着睡，谁知红拂又来做小动作。他气坏了，翻身爬起来大吼一声：“你可是要找揍？” “便打时，也强似不理不睬！” 李靖被整得无可奈何。“红拂，求求你把那古典白话文收了去。我听了直起鸡皮疙瘩！” “郎休如此说。奴也非乐意咬文嚼字。怎奈见了郎，奴这能言会道，百伶百俐的一张樱桃小口，就如那箭穿雁嘴，钩钓鱼腮，急出鸟来也说不得一句白话，只得找些村话鸟说。奴那一颗七窍玲珑心，见了郎时也变做糊涂油蒙了心也。郎君，可怜见奴是一个女儿家，纵非大家目秀，也不曾在男人前头抛头露面。终日里只见过一个男人，却是个银样蜡枪头，算不得数的。不争却到了郎这般一个大汉面前；郎又虎背熊腰，最是性感不过，奴怎不结巴！怎不发晕！奴这心七上八下，好似在受官刑哩。郎君若是可怜奴家，早早把这清白的女孩儿身子拿去，奴就好过也，那语言障碍症也多敢是好了。” 李靖皱起眉来：“现在提心吊胆，哪有心情？等跑到安全地方再说。” 红拂长叹一声：“郎，不是奴说那泄气话，你纵有上天入地的神通也走不脱！奴见多少少年俊杰，入了太尉的眼，却无一个走了的。吾等躺在这鸟草房里，虽是藏得好，也只争一个早晚。郎不闻人算不如天算，天算不如不算？依奴时先落几日快活！似这等日后捉了去，却落一个糟鼻子不吃酒，枉担其名！” 李靖梗梗脖子说：“我偏不信这个邪！你要是害怕，就回大尉府去。” 红拂哭了。“郎把奴看做何等样人！嫁鸡随鸡，嫁狗随狗，奴是个有志气的！郎若信不过时，便把奴一刀杀了！” “好好，你有志气。跑得了跑不了，走着瞧。我在这儿存了一些粮食，可没想到要两个人吃，所以得省着用。早上我去那边园里偷几个萝卜当早饭，你别嫌难吃。” “郎的萝卜，却有荔枝的滋味！” 李靖摇摇头，就到外边去拔萝卜了。 和李靖闹翻以后，李二娘坐在床上哭得昏天黑地。胖胖上楼来问候，劝她吃了一点茶汤，她又呕了出来。她使劲掐自己的肉，把腿上、肚子上掐得伤斑点点。以前李靖不上她这儿来，她就这么整治自己。等他来了以后，让他看看这些伤，吓他一跳。正在掐得上劲，忽然想到李靖再也不会来了，就倒在床上昏了过去。胖胖给她掐人中，拔火罐，足足整了半宿。到天快亮时，李二娘终于睡了。胖女人打了一连串的哈欠，忽然想到这一天都没菜吃。她就去南城收拾园子，走时连门都没关。 李二娘只睡了一会儿就醒过来，她觉得自己脑子变得特别清楚，精神变得特别振作，性格变得特别坚强。她爬起来披上一件短衣对镜梳妆。看来看去，发现自己还是应该抹一点儿粉，因为平时喝酒太多，她脸色有点发黄。然后描眉，用少量胭脂。弄完了再一看，觉得自己蛮不错，就凭这个小模样也值得活下去。 李靖走了，她心里猫抓过一样难受。不过她没法怨恨李靖。人往高处走，水往低处流。卖酒的小寡妇和大尉的千金怎么比？李靖娶了大尉的千金，日后飞黄腾达不成问题，若是娶了她，日后搬到酒坊来，天天纵欲喝酒，不出二年就要得肝硬变，腹水倒像怀了六个月身子。所以她不抱怨他，好吧李靖，祝你幸福！ 然后再想想自己。走了李靖，她要从别处捞回来，她要做一个人人羡慕的女人。 眼前就有一个榜样。洛阳北城有一个大院子，富丽堂皇，与皇宫比，只差在没用琉璃瓦。门前一边一个大牌坊，左边题“今世漂母”“万世师表”，右边题“女中丈夫”“不让须眉”。中央是并肩的两座门，左边大门楼上好像在办书法展览，挂了有二十多块匾，题匾的都是二品以上大员。这里是主人钱氏所居。右边没有门楼，是个灰砖砌的大月亮门，门上镶斗大的三个字“劝学馆”，这儿是主人钱氏所办。走进这劝学馆的前庭，里面石壁上刻着一篇记，作者是一名三品级的高级干部。据作者说钱氏少年丧夫无子，守节二十余年。惨淡经营先夫之产业，平买平卖，童叟无欺，终成巨富。然而钱氏家藏万贯，却粗衣淡食，资助学子，修此劝学馆，供天下贫苦士人入内读书——二十年来成就数百人，功德无量。作者感钱氏之高风亮节，于劝学馆重修之时，成此记以志其事云云。其实事实却大有出入。这钱氏却不姓钱，也不曾少年丧夫，她不折不扣是个婊子。 她是婊子也好，节妇也罢，总之是个奇女子。李二娘想，我哪一点也不比她差。我也应该成为一个人人羡慕的女人——我缺的就是这么一点儿狠劲儿。李靖走了，我正好狠起来。不出十年，我也要和这钱寡妇一样的发达！ 这钱寡妇的身世与李二娘当前的处境也有一点儿像。二十五年前，钱寡妇是一名雏歧，从山西到洛阳华清楼客串，花名叫玉芙蓉。玉芙蓉那时生得一表人材。在上党一带颇有艳名。老鸨带着她到洛阳来，打算赚大钱。怎知这京都地面，光凭脸子漂亮、床上功夫高超硬是不成。玉芙蓉讲一口侉得不能再侉的山西话，加之五音不全，唱起小调来听的人一身一身起鸡皮疙瘩。在洛阳半年，一点也红不起来，全仗着几个山西客人捧场。她又恋上一个姓钱的小白脸儿，把别的客人统统冷落了不算，自己还倒贴，把金首饰换成了镀金的铜棍儿。老鸨发觉把她吊起来打，她还嘴硬到底。末了儿姓钱的家里发现自己的子弟不读书天天嫖妓，把他也狠揍一顿关起来。这姓钱的偷跑出来，和玉芙蓉会最后一面，两个人抱头痛哭。玉芙蓉提议，两人一起逃跑，姓钱的又不同意。又提议两人一起上吊，姓钱的又不同意。原来他要和玉芙蓉分手，那玉芙蓉只得让他走了，自己一个人继续哭。正哭到准备抹脖子的节骨眼儿上，冷不丁来了一个人，是同班中最红的姐妹。她嫌玉芙蓉哭天抢地打搅了自己睡觉，就来把她挖苦一顿，指出以下三点。第一，山药蛋（这就是她们给玉芙蓉起的诨名）与她那姘头匀属切糕的棍儿，扔掉的货。第二，如果她是要上吊，就请从速，不要半夜三更鬼哭狼嚎，不讲社会公德。第三，如果不上吊，也请她及早回山西。像她这路土货也到洛阳来卖，就叫做不知寒碜。 听了这位红极一时的名妓谈的三点意见，玉芙蓉当下摔夜壶，打马桶，发下誓言，说是不出十年，要你这婊子不及我山药蛋脚下的泥。第二天她就和老鸨搬出去另赁房子住，打发人满城贴招贴，上书：“山西山药蛋来洛持壶卖笑，不讲虚套，直来直去；昼夜服务，随叫随到；经济实惠，十八般武艺无条件奉献；童叟无欺，百分之一百无保留表演。夜资白银五钱，特殊服务另议，小费随意。熟客另有百分之五十特价优待。”这一贴她的营业额就直线上升，门前排队，一天只睡三个小时。不出三年，攒了钱赎了身，转向经营酱坊。三五年之内全城的酱坊都成了她的联号，并且打入丝绸、药材各业，发了个不能再发。这时去打听那位钱郎，才知道此人中了秀才之后就得了肺结核死掉了。这山药蛋却是不同凡响，穿了孝去拜见钱家的家长，自愿出三千两白银为嫁妆，嫁给姓钱的死人，为他守一世的节。那时钱家正穷得喝粥，听说有此美事，感激得哭都哭不出，社会上也传为美谈。殊不知那山药蛋已经养了十几个小白脸，守的什么屁节？三千两白银买个社会地位，成了士人的遗孀，地痞流氓不敢上门罗嗦。真是便宜得很。而后这女人就拿出大把的银钱资助士人读书，遇上出身高贵、家境寒微的士族子弟，她还肯出几万两白银为他们活动官职。惟一的条件是谁要得她的资助，就要拜她为干姐姐。到现在那钱寡妇年过四旬，由于保养得好，还如二十许人。她天天用驴奶洗澡，早上起来慢跑三千米，练太极气功八段锦，严格控制饮食，所以比那二十五年前叫做山药蛋时又漂亮了许多。她门下有干弟弟三百，劝学馆中鸿学巨儒无数。每年出一篇理论文章，或考证周公之礼，或评点诸子之非，阐发儒学，废黜百家。每一发表，士林竞相传抄，登时洛阳纸贵。又有那劝学馆文摘，每年三辑，劝学馆诗抄，每年五辑，端的是字字珠玑，万口传诵。那些饱学之士除著文立说，还常常开庭讲学，时不常的还要祭孔、祭孟，端的是热闹非常。钱寡妇包下全体费用，只换得那些人开讲之前说上一句：小子今日在此升座开讲，光大孔孟，荣耀斯文，全仗钱氏贤淑主妇之资助——这就够了。 钱氏在关内关外有沃野千顷，园林会馆百余处。普天之下，大小商埠市镇，全有钱记商号。她又有钱又有势——那些干弟弟个个权重一时。钱氏又有商船千艘，浮行于海洋之上；商队骆驼几千峰，行走于大漠之中。东到扶桑，西至英伦，南到爪哇，北至罗刹，到处开有分号。开着那么大的跨国公司，她倒没忘本，至今还在做那皮肉生意。在朝官员三品以上，或文有诗名，武有侠名之士，甚至绿林大盗只要年不过六旬，身体健康无口臭狐臭等，都够得上嫖她的资格，不过要提前半年预约登记，她就靠这一手拉关系。