Chapter 2 Tenderness like water【2】

Alan also wanted to say: the boy was so poor that his family was barren, but he wore a set of fashionable jeans and rode an expensive racing car.He wants to save face like all people from the country, but he came over to Alan and said: I love you, I only belong to you.What he showed Alan was not only his beautiful appearance, but also his dilapidated home and his desperate situation—that is to say, he showed all the clues and told Alan how to love him.But Alan's decision was completely out of his surprise, he wanted to love a millionaire.Love him like a king.So Alan wanted to say: how wonderful it is to be born beautiful—just like a god, who can create all kinds of accidents in the world.

Maybe, Alan also told about other things between him and this boy, for example, he and he set up a net to catch birds by the river, but they caught some cheap old thieves.Or, they smuggle clothing long distances and lose money.The endings of these stories are all the same. In that broken mud house, Alan stretched out his body, asked the boy to love him, and vented his despair behind him.There was always a naked light bulb on in that room, and there were always a few big cockroaches crawling on the cracked walls.In the middle of the night, the fog drifted into the room, and beside the bed, there were piles of old books and old newspapers—poor people couldn’t even throw a note—it’s best to be loved by the desperate .But Xiao Shi didn't understand this story at all. He said, what you told is called love?Alan had to finish the story quickly, and then the primary school teacher wanted Alan to marry his sister so that the three of them could live together.Disgusted by this, Alain refuses.He can love him, but doesn't want to be dragged into this life.Now no one will look at him timidly, or walk up to him out of desperation and say: I love you.Young, beautiful, sexy, and sometimes a hope.But Alan no longer has these things.

Alan's appearance still looks okay now.But he has already started to put on makeup, his eyebrows are tattooed, and a thin layer of cold cream is applied on his face.The most important thing is that his skin has turned dark, and the skin on the joints has begun to pile up.He wants to have the body of a slender and beautiful boy who is white and bright.Xiao Shi thought that he was a pervert, but he himself didn't think it was a pervert.Such a body is the same for men and women, and it can be called beauty. nineteen At the police station that night, Alan also talked about a transvestite in the park.This person was wearing a black skirt and black sunglasses. He looked very much like a woman. If one didn't look at the veins on the back of his hands, no one would be able to tell that he was actually a man.This man just walked up and down in the park, ignoring everyone.He may just want to show himself.It may not be easy for others to notice that he is a man, but gay people can see it immediately.Alan was very sympathetic to him, and once wanted to have a chat with him, but he refused.This is because he refuses to admit that he is a man, even if he admits that he is a gay.This made Alan feel that his despair was deeper than his own.

The little policeman also knew about this person. He opened the drawer, and there was a full set of tools for this person in it.It happened like this: the curves of the man's body were made by winding cloth strips, and besides that, he had to go to the toilet.One day, he was untying the cloth strip in the women's bathroom when a lady saw him.Predictably, the latter let out a scream, and the guy was caught.In the police station, Xiao Shi volunteered to untie the cloth strips for him, and happily told him that you have prickly heat.In this way, they seized the man's hood, dress, and a lot of sweat-soaked gauze, enough to wrap several mummies.When Xiao Shi talked about this incident, he was still very happy, but it made Alan feel a little sad, because he was also outside the police station that day, and he saw this man leaving in a few rags and rags. Two streams of black tears flowed from his eyes.There was an organic side to it, because the man was so cheap, so hopeless, and deserved to be humiliated; but there was also a brutal side, because the humiliation was so nasty, so worldly.Even murderers can get a public judgment meeting, a ritual of execution.Humiliation and mocking are not the same thing.That said, lowly people also want to be respected.

Needless to say, Xiao Shi was taken aback when he heard these words. He didn't think that these bitches also want to be respected, so he felt dumbfounded.After hearing so much unheard of things, Alan seemed to be very learned anyway, although it was a dirty knowledge.He also wanted to respect Alan, so he politely re-acquainted with Alan, introduced him to each other, and called him Teacher Alan.Although there was a sense of ridicule in doing this, Alan also accepted it, because being called a teacher did not contradict this humiliated and devastated atmosphere. twenty In that book, Alan wrote: The yamen servant led the female thief in white to his home with a chain, and locked her on a pillar in the middle of the house.In doing so, he committed a major crime of corruption.In this place, beautiful female prisoners are a kind of public property and must be humiliated, tortured, and killed in broad daylight.He committed corruption by bringing her home.

And what actually happened that night: a heavy rain fell just after midnight, cooling the air.Xiao Shi felt drowsy because of this, he yawned and said that he could sleep for a while.He himself was going to sleep on the desk, and Alan could recline in the chair by the wall.There was one thing that made him hesitate, and then he made up his mind, took out a pair of handcuffs, and said: Teacher Alan, sorry, this is a rule.Not only did he say that, but he was really embarrassed.But Alan handed him his right hand very calmly, and when Alan handed over his left hand again, he said: That's not the case.turn around.He handcuffed Alan behind his back and helped him sit down again.When he handcuffed Alan, he felt a little guilty, so he behaved somewhat gently—asked him if he was hot, and opened his collar for him.Then he went back to the desk and sat down, and saw that Alan's face was red, with a look of expectation, and he didn't seem to want to sleep at all.This made it impossible for him to even sleep.

twenty one Xiao Shi and Alan looked at each other, feeling very embarrassed, because he seldom faced a person handcuffed by him alone - he was just a naughty boy with little experience in the world.He also called this man his teacher.The man admitted being cheap, but it made him feel even more embarrassed.He felt that this matter was inappropriate, but he couldn't take off the handcuffs for Alan—if he took off the handcuffs, it meant that he knew and was afraid of Alan's masochistic tendencies—in this case, the best way Just play dumb. Alan is talking about his love affair. This person rarely comes to the park. When he comes, he wears a windbreaker and sunglasses, and stands at the corner of the park looking... He is a painter and lives in an apartment by himself. , the home furnishings are simple, so it looks empty.One of the things he likes to do is to set up a low table at home, spread batik cloth (or white cloth) on the table, and place one or two porcelain plates.Porcelain vases, put flowers or put a few fruits on it, and then push Alan, who is tied behind the back with a leather strap, to a few, fuck him or draw pictures on him with a pen.In the latter case, he also photographed Alan from behind.Most of the time, it is done after painting.Alan felt that the sound of the shutter was cold and harsh, and gradually he began to equate the camera with the genitals.He told Xiao Shi that now, sometimes when he sees a black camera, his lower body feels hot... He likes the round shape of the camera, which is black and matte, and also likes all things with this shape.Until one day, Alan went to the painter's house, and the door opened after calling for a long time, and then found a woman in the house.The painter said, come back at night.Of course, Alan never visited again.But he didn't hate him very much either.He only had one sentence to explain this matter: "This matter is over." Later, when he saw the painter again in the park, Alan would greet him from a distance, or just look at him from a distance.That is to say, he feels that he has been used.Xiao Shi was greatly surprised by this, asked him what he meant repeatedly, and then made a conclusion to him: You are really cheap.This made Alan bow his head again.Later he raised his head again and said: The word cheap means easy in English.That's how he is, he comes when he is called, and he goes when he is waved.He felt happy that he was so easy.This made Xiao Shi dumbfounded, unable to find words to criticize him.

twenty two Xiao Shi carefully drew a line on the page with his little finger, took a small bookmark and put it in the book.He closed the book and let time stop there.What puzzled him was that so far, he hadn't fallen in love with Alan, and didn't see any signs of loving him; and most of the night was over. Alan is also very cheap in the unit.We say that he is a writer, which means that he used to work in a cultural center, sometimes writing small manuscripts and so on.Because his homosexuality has long been exposed, he has long been treated this way.He went to the cultural center very early every day, mopped the floor, turned on the water, and cleaned the toilet. In this way, he was looking for his status, we can say, looking for the lowest status.But he couldn't find his place.Because "cheap" means no status.

Alan also said that every time he went outside, that is, put on a gray uniform with four pockets and carried a leatherette bag, went to work in the cultural center; or merged into the torrent of bicycles; or sat among everyone, When I have a meeting with my eyes half closed, I feel confused and have nowhere to go, because this is a cheap way to cover up myself.Every time after going to work, he couldn't hide his urge to go to the painter's house, where he was tied up, painted, painted, and used.At such times, he feels that his own image and what he does are in line with reality, that is to say, in line with his innate character.He said: Because of wearing such clothes and carrying such bags.There are tens of thousands of people who hold such meetings, how can this not be cheap.

twenty-three The biggest misfortune for Alan is that he really loves buses.Maybe we should say he's bisexual.Bus is now his wife, and the two of them live in the same house that Alan lived in when he was a child.This situation puts him in contradiction, because wanting to love and wanting to be loved are contradictory.Every day when he came home, he would see her standing in front of him with her clothes and hats neatly dressed, and he said politely: You are back.At home, the bus is always dressed in the clothes that go out: skirt suits, stockings, makeup.Even when sitting on a chair, the upper body is straight and graceful.Alan moved towards her very unreasonably, grabbed her by the shoulders, and pushed her onto the bed.At this time, the bus will lower its voice and say: Can you let me close the door?Alain pushed her onto the bed, unbuttoned her, undid her bra, and pushed it up—the bus looked like a gutted fish.Alan caressed her, and while making love to her, the bus scratched the wallpaper with the nail of his little finger, thoughtfully.She didn't let go of her hands until the matter was done, and asked Alan: How do you feel?It seems to be asking a general question.At this moment she looked like a virgin.The bus is always gentle and quiet to Alan, but only to Alan.

By the time Alan left the body of the bus, she was already a mess.Looking back at her appearance before making love, one would believe that she was meant to be humiliated and tortured.She got up quietly, took off the crumpled clothes, folded them, then put on the tattered clothes, carefully removed her makeup, and went out to buy vegetables.Only when she was about to go out did she carefully undress and put on her tattered clothes.When she is fully dressed and ready, she is waiting for sex; when her hair is disheveled and unkempt, she is refusing sex.This is the complete opposite of others.From this point of view, she is as peculiar as the Madonna who wears her underwear on the outside. twenty four That afternoon, when Alan was arrested by the little policeman, because the city was not big, the news of the matter immediately reached his wife's ears.Alan's wife (on the bus) was shopping for vegetables in the market. Someone told her that Alan had gone in. She said, "Yes!" and then asked where he went.Generally speaking, if you go in, you go in, but for gay elders, you can enter the main palace or the harem, and the main palace is not serious.The lady asked about the situation and was not in a hurry. She went home to do housework.Try to keep a calm mind.She was young, but a little haggard; pretty, but getting ugly.This is what the man looks like. When it was getting dark, Alan's wife cooked dinner and left some for Alan after she ate it herself. Then she came out of the house and went downstairs to call her girlfriend's coin-operated phone. The first thing she said was : That bastard Alan went in again.I think the other party didn't know why Alan went in, but he knew that Alan often went in, so he imagined him as an ordinary hooligan.The other party asked her what she was going to do, and she said, if he doesn't come back tonight, let him stay inside, if he doesn't come back tomorrow, then go to the police station to pick him up—what else can I do.We know that if a homosexual is detained and his wife comes to pick him up, the police are happy to hand him over because they think he will suffer more in the hands of his wife.Everything the police do is based on the principle of making them suffer more.This is not what the other party wants to hear. We can hear her urging her to get rid of Alan through the earphones, "Why are you so consistent." However, Alan's wife doesn't want to discuss these operational matters. Just crying and saying, she's sick of it.Later, she wiped away her tears and said to the other party, sorry to bother you, she hung up the phone and went home.Although Alan didn't see this, everything was in his imagination. twenty five Alan wrote in his book: The yamen guard locked the female thief in a blue and white room. This house was made of stones, the walls were painted white, and the floor next to the wall was covered with hay.There was a stable atmosphere here, befitting those born cheap.He led her to the wall, sat her down, fastened the chain around her neck to the ring on the wall, and fetched a pair of wooden twisters.Seeing the terrified look on the woman thief's face, he bent down at her feet and said, because her feet were beautiful, they must be nailed to the wooden twist.So, the female thief put her ankle into the semicircular groove on the wood, and asked the yamen servant to cover it with the other half and nail it up.She watched the other party do this, and she was very happy in her heart. Later, the yamen servant brought another pair of wooden shackles and told her that her neck and hands were also beautiful, and they had to be nailed up.So the female thief has an extra Muga on her neck.Then, the yamen servant took the iron chain off her neck, went out, and locked the wooden fence door with this pair of iron chains.When he was gone, the thief looked at the stone house for a long time - she got up, and walked about the room like a pair of open compasses.Go to the door and see a pink room outside. Mrs. Allan was at home alone at night, and she went to bed early.She tossed and turned, unable to sleep, and later made love to herself.When this was done, she began to sob again.This situation shows that she still loves Alan, and she cannot remain indifferent to what Alan has done.But there is nowhere in Alan's book that one can think of Alan's wife.He didn't want to let the bus know that he loved her. At midnight, there was a heavy rain outside, and the bus got up to close the windows. She was wearing a white knitted sweater, and the house was blue and white.The same is true of the house Alan later lived in.She closed the window and lay down to sleep.When the bus fell asleep, put his hands on his chest, as if dead. When it rained that night, Xiao Shi's wife, Dianzi, was sleeping soundly.Their house is pink, and the lamp that is on has a pink shade.Wearing bright red underwear, Dianzi aimed at Xiao Shi's empty seat on the double bed, and made a gesture of baring his teeth and claws. Twenty-six Xiao Shi also admitted that whenever he saw pretty girls in state-run stores or joint-venture restaurants showing arrogance to their compatriots, he wanted to arrest them and make them squat under the big wall of the police station.He also said that sometimes there would be some pheasants squatting under the big wall (another term is called prostitution), and those girls would have a special difficulty squatting there because they often wore very narrow skirts.In this case, they have no choice but to put their thighs together tightly and press their hands on them, so they are very graceful.He thought it looked better than sitting up straight.When they were taken away in handcuffs, they would let their hair down and cover half of their faces.This look is also better than those young ladies who brushed their hair aside and put on a straight face.Therefore, in Xiao Shi's mind, the best and sexiest appearance of a sex object is also: for humiliation and destruction.Thus, he and Alan had something in common.But there are also differences: he belongs to the humiliated side, and Alan belongs to the humiliated side.He belongs to the destruction, and Alan belongs to the destruction.Knowing this made Xiao Shi feel embarrassed—at this moment, it was time to draw a clear line. Twenty-seven Xiao Shi looked out the window, and the sky in the east was slightly white.This made him feel relaxed, so he stretched himself and said: Thank God, this night is finally over.He also said that he had never been so tired on the night shift.But Alan felt a sense of urgency.Xiao Shi yawned all over the place, took the key and walked up to Alan, saying: "Turn around, I'm off work."When Alan hesitated, Xiao Shi said: You like to bring this thing, buy one yourself, this is public property.Alan turned sideways, and when Xiao Shi lazily uncuffed him, Alan whispered in his ear: I love you.This made Xiao Shi stunned for a while.He heard it and couldn't believe it; or he thought he didn't hear clearly.Anyway, he didn't want to ask any more.He straightened up and said: I think it's better to handcuff you; then walked away.But Xiaoshi's face was blushing, which could no longer be concealed. Twenty-eight Alan told Xiaoshi that he is gentle and considerate.He felt in his heart that he was a woman, and even more than that.When he came in front of a handsome and sexy man, he felt tender and tender.It's like the cool water that suddenly appears in front of you after a long journey.He can also be beautiful, because beauty is not only reserved for women.He specifically mentioned the room full of mirrors when the painter laid him down on the short table.Looking in the mirror, I saw the back of my body: tight legs, narrow buttocks, and part of the scrotum seen between the legs.He believes that it is a huge mistake to say that only women are beautiful.The greatest beauty is: to live in the world, to be humiliated and destroyed. In Alan's book, this paragraph is like this: the female thief kneels in the pink room, wiping the floor stretched and bent.The long shackles around her neck have been removed, her hands are twisted, and her feet are nailed into the wood. In front of her, there is a small wooden bucket full of water, and she holds a scrub brush in her hand.Like an inchworm, she stretches forward and bends.The yamen servant sat and watched. Later, he stood up, walked to the back of the female thief, lifted her white clothes, and used her from behind...while she continued to wipe the floor. When Alan said these words, he was very feminine and soft.This made Xiao Shi feel creepy.But when Alan said these words, his hands were behind his back and his legs were crossed, just like a lady, and there was something alluring about this appearance.So he frowned and said: Are you a man or a woman?Alan said: It doesn't matter.When you want to love, you are a man, and when you want to receive love, you are a woman.Nothing is less important than that. Twenty-nine Alain cites his love affair with the unknown primary school teacher as an example.As mentioned above, that night, in the yellow mud house in the countryside, the elementary school teacher said: After you can do anything to me, Alan kissed him passionately, asked him to lie flat on the bed, kissed his chest, the dimples of his elbows, neck; caressed him, calmed him; unconsciously, returned the initiative to make love to him.He himself said that that night, at the beginning he wanted love, but suddenly felt tenderness, so he turned to bear.You can love and be loved, and that's the best thing in the world. thirty In Alain's story, after mopping the floor, the woman thief holds a little basket of herbs in her hand.She went on stretching and flexing like an inchworm, carefully spreading the herb evenly, she was so focused on it that she didn't seem to care about anything else.Meanwhile, Shao Yamen servants sat there watching her.Alan thought to himself that this kind of monitoring is very important.Without this kind of supervision, all labor is meaningless. But what Alan himself (he was sitting on the mattress at this time) recalled was quite different from what Xiao Shi thought of.That night, he told Xiao Shi that he could love and bear love, so he bowed his head gently and said: I love you.That is to say, he is ready to be humiliated and destroyed by Xiao Shi.So Xiao Shi dragged him out, put him under the tap water pipe for a while, then dragged him back, put him on the stool, and slapped his mouth.At this time, Alan was still handcuffed behind his back, feeling extremely happy in his heart.After all this was over, Xiao Shi suddenly froze in panic.At this time, Alan took the opportunity to kiss the palm of his hand, and said: beauty is something that comes when you ask for it.At this time, Xiao Shi opened his handcuffs.Alan also showed Xiao Shi a photo of herself dressed as a woman. From the photo, she couldn't tell it was Alan at all.On the surface, it is just a photo of a naked woman, but if you know its true nature, you will feel a sinister beauty even more.Xiao Shi was conquered by his evil in this way—for these reasons, Alan felt that that night was especially worth cherishing. In Alan's book, the female thief has done everything she should do and returned to the door of her own room.Of course, maybe it should be called the door of her cell. Kneeling on the ground, she stretched out her hand to the yamen guard, waiting to take off the hand twister and put on the long shackle.She was so engrossed in this matter that it seemed that there was nothing else worthy of attention. thirty-one Alan wrote in his book: Sometimes, the yamen servant also took off the shackles of the female thief, brought her out of the blue and white room, brought her to the pink room, and locked her on a dressing table. Then he left.At this time, the female thief puts on makeup for herself, and carefully paints her eyebrows and eyes to make herself more beautiful—that is, to look a little bit cheaper. Alan told the little policeman at the police station that at the painter's place, he had made up as a woman many times, served as a nude model, was painted in oil paintings, or was photographed.He said that as long as you desire to be loved, beauty is always there.For him, being a model means being loved.In addition, every time the painter finished painting, he had to have sex with him.The painter said that if there is no love, the work is not complete.For painters, love is an art.But Alan said that art is a kind of love.Xiao Shi remembered this sentence.He stroked Alan's book and thought it was love.He took out a photo and put it in the book, and this photo was Alan in women's clothing. Later, the little policeman opened the drawer and left the room.In that drawer was the entire outfit of the transvestite, including dresses, body wraps, headgear, and his cosmetics.Alan sat in front of the case and began to make himself into a woman.He painted his own face as if he was painting, which is art, and in his own words, art is a kind of love.And love is - for humiliation, for destruction.The little policeman returned to the door of the police station. Through the glass on the door, he saw a peerless beauty sitting in front of his case.He was shocked by this beauty, and he didn't push the door to go in for a long time. Thirty-two The woman that Alan put on was wearing a black dress.Alan likes this color too.When the little policeman finally came into the office, Alan stood up, walked in front of him gracefully and gracefully, bowed slightly, tidied up the corners of his skirt, and knelt down calmly.He unzipped the little policeman's zipper, and at the same time pressed his lips with his tongue... What Xiao Shi leaned over to see made him unbelievable.He raised his arms in the air, like a surgeon in an operating room... Finally, he put his hands down and pressed Alan's head.At the same time, looking up to the sky, wanting to die. At this moment, Alan sat on the mattress, pursed his lips, pushed aside the towel, and stretched his hand in... He was also in a state of ecstasy.This is only because Xiao Shi once wanted to die, and he recalled it in front of him.Everything you do in every love has meaning for aftertaste. Thirty-three In the morning, the light first came to the blue and white house.The female thief was sitting on the grass, with a long shackle around her neck and wooden twisters on her feet.It was as if nothing happened that night.But her hair is messy and her face still has residual makeup.In the blue-and-white room of Alan's house, when the dawn appeared, the bus also got up.She dressed deliberately, put on her best clothes, and sat down at the table, with her hands on the table, and an alarm clock in front of her.She was waiting for the time to pass so she could pick up Alan. That morning, Alan's wife went to pick him up. Because it was so early in the morning, the whole city seemed to be dead.She saw Alan walking towards him on the street, looking tired and with black stains on his face.When she saw him, she stopped in the street, waiting for him to come.When Alan came to her side, she turned around and walked side by side with him.She didn't ask what happened that night.Then Alan offered her his hand, and she took his wrist—like his genitals in the night.What can be held is a real guarantee, and when you let go, it will be lost.Alan's wife would not ask anything, but shed a tear or two when no one was around, and when she reappeared, she was so gentle and submissive.But these are of no use to Alan. It doesn't matter that Alan is a man. In the backbone, he is also the same person as her.In a sense, the thing between them is the real homosexuality. That night, Alan had been dressed as a woman, as could be seen from the residual makeup on his face.But the bus didn't ask. After returning home, she just poured water from the thermos for him to wash off the stains on his face; and then asked Alan: Do you want to eat?Alan said, eat a little.But he ate more than a little, he was hungry.Then, the bus said: You can sleep for a while, I will go shopping.But at this moment, Alan took her hand.It's a representation.The bus couldn't help shouting: "What are you doing? What are you going to do?" with a little panic.Although Alan lowered his head, he could see his expression. Although he was ashamed, he was also a little shameless.In a word, Alan is like a little villain who rapes his mother.After seeing this clearly, the bus sighed and said: All right.She went to the bed, faced the wall, and began to undress.Later, she was on the bed, covered with a sheet, covering her eyes with the back of her hand.Alan came over, lifted the sheets and started fucking her hard.For this matter, we can explain that during this night, Alan did not vent, he was only vented, of course, this is only in terms of bodily fluids.When Alan was running like a horse, the bus cried and said repeatedly: You don't love me.But when Alan finished his work, the bus also finished crying. He reached out for a handkerchief to wipe his face with a calm expression.Then Alan lay down beside her and said: I want to love you.Whether or not the bus is happy with that, we don't know. Thirty-four When Guangguang came to the pink room, the yamen servant was sleeping soundly. He was naked, sleeping in a big shape on the bunk... Dianzi was also sleeping soundly.She looked very different from the yamen servant - she slept in a ramp on the double bed, with her face buried in the pillow. At the same time, Xiao Shi walked to the window and looked out from the window.In front of him was an empty park, and Alan had long since disappeared into the morning mist.He felt that Alan had given him the right to choose.He could think about the night or not; he could call Alan back or not.The significance of this incident is that it made him understand that he is also a homosexual. thirty five When Xiao Shi was with Alan, he still thought he was cheap, even after making love.They always do it in a bomb shelter or something, with a rotten mattress and candles.After that job was done, he would always say the last sentence intentionally or unintentionally: You are so cheap.But Alan always refused to pick up on this, just said: hug you, is it okay?So, Xiao Shi lazily turned over, turned his back to him, and said kindly to him: "Hug it."This incident shows that Xiao Shi did not fall in love with Alan at that time, and falling in love with him will happen later. Xiao Shi opened the book again.The story ended like this: One day, when the female thief woke up in the morning, she went to the wooden gate to look outside, and there was no one in the pink room, even the iron chain that locked the door. gone.She touched the door with the top of the shackle, and it opened.Then, she walked into the pink house, walked slowly around the silk screen, and behind it was the bed. There was no one on the bed, only rough wooden boards remained.The crumbling furniture seemed to indicate that the owner would never come back.She slowly moved to the door, and opened the door with the edge of the long shackle. She was surprised to find that the house was looking at an orchard.At this time, it is March in Yangchun, and the garden is full of lush flowers. Later, Alan left the city and moved elsewhere.At that time, Xiao Shi went to the station to see him off.An embarrassing scene ensues at the train station, where the two men are neither embarrassed nor embarrassed, watched by the two women.The little policeman called the bus sister-in-law, blushing.And the eyes of the bus are like ice, but when she sees the idea, the eyes are warm.The pair of women came together immediately, and the little policeman and Alan came together, as if two gay couples were talking.However, Xiao Shi and Alan were actually under the escort of the woman. When the train was about to leave, Xiao Shi felt a nameless impulse, and he began to love Alan from the inside out.Under the watchful eyes of the two women, he couldn't help reaching out his hand to touch him.It is obviously not possible to do such a thing at this time.The more impossible something is, the more he wants to do it. Everyone has encountered this kind of thing—it was at this time that he fell in love with Alan.That is to say, not only did he admit that he was gay, but he also admitted that he was as cheap as Alan. Thirty-six Alan now lives in a place full of feasting and feasting. Looking down from the room where he lives, there is a street.He wore a white cloth around his waist as he moved around the room, looking like Gandhi.The difference between this Gandhi and the real Gandhi is that his lips are moist and gorgeous, as if using cosmetics.On the low cabinet next to his bed, there is a framed picture with Xiao Shi's photo inside.To this day, he still loves him like Xiao Shi loves him.However, as soon as he saw this photo now, he thought of how hot Xiao Shi was, especially before making love.You have to tell him: take off your coat, and he will remember to take off your coat; you also have to say: take off your watch, and then he will take off your watch.At this time, Xiao Shi was right.Probably even his wife had never seen such a face.Now when he looks at Xiao Shi's photo and thinks of these things, he can smile knowingly, but at that time he couldn't—because he was busy bearing Xiao Shi's love.Therefore, Alan believes that the most beautiful thing about love is that it can be remembered forever.Now when he recollects these, he doesn't feel that he is cheap. At night, Alan sat on the mattress, heard footsteps outside the door, and heard the key turning inside the door.He hurriedly put away Xiao Shi's photo, lay down on the mattress and closed his eyes.Then, the bus came in.She kicked off her high heels and walked to the bathroom.Then, she came out wearing a white nightgown, and lay down quietly beside Alan, using the back of her hand and fingers to brush the sheet between them, as if to draw an invisible boundary.She is still so gentle and obedient, but no one knows whether she still loves Alan.Therefore, the house is like an ancient tomb. thirty-seven Later, the female thief returned to the place where the yamen guard had captured her—under the high palace wall, wearing all her shackles, wandering there, paying attention to every passerby.And the little policemen are also wandering in the park, sometimes approaching gangs of homosexuals.However, he didn't have the courage to strike up a conversation with them.In his mind, Alan is still irreplaceable.在我们的社会里，同性恋者就如大海里的冰山，有时遇上，有时分手，完全不能自主。从这个意义上看，小史只是个刚刚开始漂流的冰山。生为冰山，就该淡淡地爱海流、爱风，并且在偶然接触时，全心全意地爱另一块冰山。但是这些小史还不能适应。 小史合上了阿兰写的书。 小史开始体验自己的贱：他环顾这间黑洞洞的屋子。白天，在这间房子里，没有一个人肯和他面对面他说话。处此之外，喝水的杯子最能说明问题。派出所里有一大批瓷杯子，本来是大家随便拿着喝的，现在他喝水的杯子被人挑了出来。假如有人发善心给大家去刷杯子的话，他用的杯子必然会被单独自挑出来；而假如是他发善心去刷杯子的话，那些杯子必然会被别人另刷一遍。这些情况提醒他，他已经是这间房子里最贱的人了。 thirty eight 天已经很晚了，另一个警察从外面进来，说：还没走啊。小史告诉他说，他值夜班。对方则说：所长说了，以后不让你值夜班了。小史说：为什么？对方说：你别问为什么了。不值夜班还不好吗。说着用椅子开始拼一张床。小史说：干吗不让我值夜班哪。对方说：你老婆和所长说的（这就是说，告诉单位了）。他还说：两口子在一个派出所多好啊，女的不值夜班，男的也不值夜班。说话之间，床已经搭到半成。那个警察走到小史面前说：劳你驾，把椅子给我用用。说着把他臀下的椅子也抽走了。小史立着说道：怎么也不跟我说一声。那个警察答道：不知道。少顷又说：还用和你说吗。后来他（这位警察因为值了额外的夜班，有点不快）说：别不落忍。反正你就要调走了。同事一场，替你值几宿也没啥。小史听了又是一惊说：我去哪儿？那个警察说：不知道。反正这公园派出所对你不适合。听说想派你去劳改农场，让你管男队，你老婆不答应，可也不能让你去管女队啊。算了，不瞎扯。我什么都不知道。从这些话里，我们知道了同性恋者为什么不堪信任：既不能把他们当男人来用，又不能把他们当女人来用——或者，既不能用他们管男人，也不能用他们管女人。 小史把阿兰的书锁进了抽屉，走了出去，走到公园门口站住了。他不知道该到哪里去。他不想回家，但是不回家也没处可去。眼前是茫茫的黑夜。曾经笼罩住阿兰的绝望，也笼罩到了他的身上。