Chapter 34 Chapter Thirty-Four

I also put myself in danger by taking the minister to the empty theater, just like waiting for the knife to strike the guillotine.Although I was almost overwhelmed with worry, fear, and disgust, there was also a sense of excitement.The moment before the door opened, I could almost feel my life expanding, like a river swelling.Because I have never taken such extreme measures to change the trajectory of my future life.I was like a child, tiptoeing to the cliff overlooking the sea, but unexpectedly a big wave hit me, knocked me into the current, and swept me away. Later, I walked back to the room, dizzy and terrified.I saw the pumpkin go into the covered passage ahead.She stopped when she saw me, and slowly focused her eyes on me, like a snake discovering a mouse.

"Pumpkin," I said, "I asked you to bring Nobu, not the president. I don't understand..." "Yes, Sayuri, it must be hard for you to understand, life is not smooth sailing!" "Smooth sailing? It's already terrible... Are you making a mistake about what I asked you to do?" "You just think I'm stupid!" she said. I was stunned and stood silently for a long time. "I consider you a friend." I finally said. "I considered you a friend too, once. But that was a long time ago." "You make it sound like I did something to hurt you, Pumpkin, but..."

"No, you never do this kind of thing, do you? The perfect Miss Sayuri Nitta never does! I think it doesn't matter if you take away the status of my daughter in the art hall? Sayuri, do you remember? I desperately Help you and the doctor. I risked Hatsumomo's anger to help you! You broke your promise and stole my things. I have been wondering for months why you want to involve me in the minister's circle I'm sorry this time, it won't be so easy for you to use me again..." "But Pumpkin," I interrupted her, "then you have to agree? Why did you bring the president?"

She straightened up. "I know very well what you mean to him," she said. "Your eyes are on him as fur is on a dog, as long as no one is looking." She bit her lip angrily, and I could see the lipstick staining her teeth red.I realize now that she had been planning to hurt me in the worst possible way. "Sayuri, how do you feel now that you took my things a long time ago?" she said.Her nostrils were flaring, and her face was full of anger, like a burning branch.It seemed that Hatsumomo's soul had been trapped in her body for so many years, and now it was finally free.

It was a tormenting night.After everyone fell asleep, I walked out of the hotel in a daze, walked to the cliff by the sea, and looked into the darkness, the sea roaring at my feet.The waves roared like weeping bitterly.It seemed to me that beneath the surface of everything lay a cruelty I had never known before—this tree, this wind, even the rock I stood on seemed to be allied with my childhood enemy, Hatsumomo.The wind howled and the branches and leaves swayed, as if mocking me.That night I took the chairman's handkerchief with me to sleep, hoping to get one last comfort.Now I take it out of my sleeve, dry my face, and hold it up into the wind.I was about to let it dance into the dark when I suddenly remembered the little tablet Mr. Tanaka sent me many years ago.We always keep a souvenir of what is gone.The tablet in the art hall is the only remnant of my childhood life, and the chairman's handkerchief will also be the remnant of the rest of my life.

On Wednesday afternoon, three days after Tianjian came back, I was notified that Iwamura Electric Company had called Ichiritei Chaya and asked me to accompany the banquet at night.I thought Nobu was here to tell me that everything was in order. I went to the Ichiritei Tea House, and a maid took me upstairs to the room where Nobu had met me the night Gion closed.It was in this place that I learned that he had found me a haven from the chaos of war, and it seemed natural that we would celebrate his becoming my danna in the same room, although it was definitely not a celebration for me. After I waited ten minutes or a quarter of an hour, I began to wonder whether he would come or not.I know I shouldn't do this, but I rest my head on the table, I seem to have a strange dream, I hear drums beating in the distance, and the hiss of water running in the tap, and then I think it will A long hand rests on my shoulder.I knew it was the president's hand because he was there when I looked up to see who was touching me.The drum beat was his footsteps, the hiss the door hinges sliding.Now he stands beside me, and the maid waits behind him.I bow down and apologize for falling asleep.For a moment I was confused and wondered if I was really awake, but it wasn't a dream.The president sat in Nobu's seat, but Nobu was not there.When the maid came up to deliver the wine, I had a terrible thought.Is the president here to tell me that there was an accident?Or did something else go wrong?

"Mr. Yan...it's fine, isn't it?" "Oh, yes," said the president, "he's fine." Hearing this, I was relieved, but at the same time, I was very ashamed and very uncomfortable.If the president didn't come here for Yeondai's message, then there must be some other purpose, perhaps to condemn my actions.For a few days after returning to Kyoto, I tried not to imagine what he saw: the minister's trousers were not on, and my bare legs were stretched out of the messy kimono. "President, please allow me to say," I tried my best to speak calmly, "the behavior I saw in heaven..."

"Sayuri, I know what you're thinking. But I'm not here to hear your apology. Sit down for a while. I'm going to tell you something that happened many years ago." "President, I'm confused," I said, "forgive me, but..." "Listen. You'll soon see why I'm telling you this. Do you remember a restaurant called The Jack? It closed at the end of the Depression, but... oh, never mind, you were a kid. Anyway, one day many years ago—eighteen years to be exact, I went there for lunch with some assistants. A geisha named Yan Zi accompanied us.”

I immediately thought of the name Yan Zi. The president continued, "After we had dinner, it happened that it was still early, so I proposed to go for a walk, along the Baichuan River to the theater." At this time, I had already taken the president's handkerchief out of my belt, silently placed it on the table, and spread it out, his initials were clearly visible.After so many years, the corner of the handkerchief was stained and turned yellow, but the chairman seemed to recognize it at a glance.He stopped slowly and picked it up. "Where did you get it?" "President," I said, "all these years I've wondered if you knew I was the little girl you talked to. You gave me your handkerchief that afternoon on your way to the musical "Wait a minute." .You give me a coin back."

"You mean...you knew I was the one talking to you when you were an apprentice?" "I recognized the chairman the second time I met him, at a sumo match. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised that the chairman still remembered me." "Oh, Sayuri, maybe you should take a good look in the mirror. Especially when your eyes are wet from crying, they become... I can't tell, I feel like I can see through your eyes. You know, I spend a lot of time Dealing with guys who never tell me the truth, this girl who has never met me is willing to let me see through her."

As he spoke, the president interrupted the conversation. "Have you ever wondered why Mameha is your sister?" he asked me. "Mameha?" I said, "I don't understand. What does Mameha have to do with this?" "You really don't know, do you?" "Know what? President." "Sayuri, I asked Mameha to take care of you. I told her, I met a beautiful little girl with amazing gray eyes, and if she met you in Gion, I asked her to help you. I Said, if necessary, I will pay for it. Only a few months later, she did meet you. From what she told me over the years, you would not be a geisha without her help .” It is almost indescribable how the Chairman's words affected me.I've always taken it for granted that Mameha was trying to get rid of Hatsumomo for personal reasons.Now I understand her true motivation, she raised me because of the president... "Sayuri, there's a reason why I can't let you know. That's why I didn't let Mameha tell you. It's about Nobu." Hearing Nobu's name, all my feelings were taken away at once, and I suddenly understood the reason why the president has always been. "President," I said, "I know I'm not worthy of your favor. Last weekend, I was at..." "Sayuri, I admit it," he interrupted me, "my heart is heavy with what happened." I could feel the president looking at me, but I couldn't look at him. "I have something to talk to you about," he went on, "and I've been thinking about what to do all day. I've been thinking about things from years ago. I'm sure I have a better way to make things clear, but... I hope you understand what I'm going to say." I knew the president was waiting for me to speak, but I didn't dare to speak. "After the pumpkin took me to the theater, I was very angry and had to tell her the reason for doing so. She didn't speak for a long time, and then she said, you asked her to take Yan there." "President, please stop talking," I said anxiously, "I made such a big mistake..." "Well, Sayuri," he said, "I'll tell you exactly why I'm asking. If you don't know about my relationship with Nobu, you can't figure out why I've treated you like this all these years. I know better than anyone, He's difficult at times. But he's a genius. I value him more than a team." "One day when I just met you," he continued, "Yan sent you a comb and gave it to you in front of everyone at the banquet. I didn't realize how much he liked you until then. Once I realized that he The feelings for you, the way he looked at you that night... well, I knew right away that I couldn't take from him what he wanted so badly. It didn't make me any less concerned about you, in fact, after For many years, every time Yan talked about you, I couldn't be more and more indifferent." "Of course you don't know that I owe Nobu a lot. I was indeed the founder of the company, his boss. But when Iwamura Electric was young, there was a serious problem with the flow of funds and the company almost went bankrupt. I didn't want to give up In control of the company, Nobu insisted on bringing in investors, which I refused. In the end he won, but there was a gap between us for a while. He offered to resign, and I almost let him go. Of course, he was absolutely right , it was me who was wrong. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost the entire company. How do you repay him? Do you know why I am not 'President' but 'Chairman'? Because I gave up this title to Yan, although he wanted to decline. So, as soon as I found out his feelings for you, I decided to hide my feelings for you so that he could get you. Sayuri, life is too cruel to him, he has almost no happiness at all. " "I don't want to be so cold to you," he went on, "but you know that if he detects any hint of my affection, he will give you up immediately." Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamed that one day the chairman would tell me that he likes me, and now I can't believe it's true.But at least in this moment, I can muster up the courage to pour out my heart to him. "Excuse me for what I'm about to say." I finally spoke. I wanted to go on, but somehow something swallowed in my throat, and I don't know what I swallowed, unless it was a little lump of emotion I was trying to suppress because I couldn't put it on my face. "I have deep feelings for Nobu, but what I saw in heaven..." I had to pause for a long time to suppress the burning in my throat, "What I saw in heaven is because of my love for you Feelings, President. Ever since I was a child in Gion, every step I have taken in my life is to get close to you." Maybe it should be easy to raise my eyes and look at the chairman, but for some reason I feel nervous, even though I'm standing alone on the stage, with all the people in Kyoto looking at me, I'm not that nervous.The President moved the bottle and glass aside, reached out and grabbed the collar of my robe, and dragged me toward him.For a few moments our faces were so close I could feel the warmth of his skin.I'm still struggling to figure out what's wrong with me, what to do or say.Then the president pulled me closer and kissed me. You might be wondering, this is the first time in my life that I've actually been kissed.General Tottori would sometimes press his lips to mine when I was a dan, but it was emotionless.That's when I wondered if he just needed a place to rest his face.This kiss, the first real kiss in my life, was more intimate to me than anything I had ever experienced.This taste is ecstasy, unlike any fruit or honey taste.I get a taste of it and think of a dozen different scenarios.I remembered that in the kitchen of the Yiguan, the cook lifted the lid of the rice cooker, and a puff of steam rushed out.I recalled that in the small alley that was the main traffic artery in Pontocho, a crowd of well-wishers came one evening to watch Yoshizaburo's farewell performance on the day he retired from the musical theater.I believe I thought of hundreds of things, and it was as if the boundaries of my thoughts were broken and my memory was free to run free.Then the president leaned back again, leaving my body, with one hand still on my neck.He was so close that I could see his moist, glossy lips and smell the kiss. "President," I said, "why?" "Sayuri, Nobu gave up on you. I didn't take anything from him." I was confused and didn't quite understand what he meant. "When I saw you and the minister there, the look in your eyes was the same as what I saw by the Baichuan stream many years ago," he said to me, "You looked so desperate, as if no one could save you and you were about to Drowned. Pumpkin told me you wanted Nobu to see it, so I decided to tell him what I saw. He was furious... well, if he can't forgive you for what he did, I know he never will It's your destiny."