March 3 In fact, my senior brother, my second senior brother and I have already broken the precept of meat.We often go to Huazhai together with our master behind our backs.On the way, we caught a rabbit, pheasant, etc., and immediately roasted and ate them, which can satisfy our hunger!Then make some vegetarian food and bring it back to the master to eat. Thinking about it, it's really pitiful that the master didn't get to eat meat.So, the three of us decided to smash the rabbit meat into the rice today, and let the master eat something good too. After we came back with a meal mixed with meat, we couldn't find the master, which made everyone anxious!Finally found the master in a small cave.

He was taken aback when he saw us, and quickly wiped his mouth again and again, leaving the unwiped chicken feathers on the corner of his mouth.Oh!It turned out that he was hiding in a cave and eating chicken wings! "Since you've all seen it, I won't hide it from you. I'm too greedy, but I'm afraid you'll make fun of me, so I'll buy some rabbits, pheasants, etc. when you go out to eat." He said with a full face flushed. "Master, you shouldn't have done this! Let's go, I'll treat you tonight and eat seafood!" Second Senior Brother shouted.

March 12 As we were walking, the elder brother suddenly yelled in front of us: "No, there are monsters, everyone, please hide!" The master stretched his head happily and ran up, "Where are there monsters? Let me see, what does it look like? Let me see!" Hey!This idiot is so interested in goblins. The eldest brother rushed into the grass first, and caught the monster out in a short while. Impatiently, the master stretched his neck and asked, "Where is the monster? Let me see." The elder brother stretched out his hand, oh, it turned out to be a cricket spirit!There are four words engraved on the back of the cricket spirit: never die.

But it's really dead. The master looked at the cricket spirit, his expression became very strange.After spending a long time in a daze, he suddenly sang: "The little cricket can sing, and the two whiskers stand up..." "Damn it! Master, are you alright?" the eldest brother asked. "I'm fine," said the master, "I didn't expect such a small cricket to eat me too?!" "It doesn't want to eat you, I asked it," said the elder brother, "It said it only wanted to eat you." Pick you up! Please master, don't sing at every turn, okay?"

"Huh? This cricket looks familiar, as if I've seen it before." The master said. The second brother hurriedly said: "Yes! Isn't it the Kaiwangshen in "Dragon Ball"!" The master said: "Look, its pair of beards are so unique! Wukong, can you take them off and put them on my forehead?" "Okay! You asked me to do this, don't regret it." After the senior brother finished speaking, he attached the two whiskers of the cricket spirit to the master's bald forehead. The master looked in the mirror, stroked his beard, and grinned so beautifully.

Oh, My God! March 28 The farther west you go, the less populated people are, and it has not been a decent vegetarian meal for several days.Today, the big brother only melted half a bottle of soy sauce back. The master took the soy sauce, sighed, and said, "I'm not afraid of drinking soy sauce. I'm naturally fair and beautiful, and a little pigmentation on my face is fine... I'm afraid of Wujing, whose face is already so dark. If I drink soy sauce again, I’m afraid I’ll never see him again.” Damn, this old bald donkey is making fun of me again, go eat shit, him! It is said that you can live forever if you eat this meat, so I will boil it tonight and give it to everyone as a toothbrush!At least the second senior brother will not object.

May 5 It really pissed me off!Double eyelids are amazing!That white-faced bald donkey, monkey coquettish anti-fighting spirit, pig-headed three-four-five, even teased me for being single-eyed when he was just looking for trouble!Especially that big bald donkey with white face, who just winked at me and showed his double eyelids, he is dead! I picked up my luggage, thinking that tomorrow I would sprinkle some essential oils in his underwear to cool him down!hey-hey! ... May 8 It's raining today, everyone is sheltering from the rain in the pavilion.The second senior brother suggested playing cards, and we fought the landlord.

Big Brother Doudizhu is the worst, relying on his sharp eyes, he saw all the cards of everyone, and won us twenty taels of silver in a short while.We told him to treat guests to buy beer... It's nothing!He loves saving money for his private house the most, saying that he saves one penny and two pennies until he gets married. Why doesn't he die! Master is the worst, even lost his underwear!The second senior brother lent a pair of his underwear to the master. After the master put it on, it was like wearing a pair of bloomers! May 14 It had been pouring rain all night and the road was muddy.

We were walking on the chicken intestine path, covered in mud, and the white dragon horse turned into a black dragon horse.In such bad weather, we actually met a passerby. The man looked miserable, but he seemed resolute and upright.He was also covered in mud, but the package in his hand was clean.The second brother thought it was a goblin, so he went up to him with a rake and said, "Hey! Boy, what are you doing?" The man was startled at first, and then said calmly: "Pig three! What I do is none of your business!" The master came over and asked him, "Benefactor, are you not afraid of such bad weather when you are walking alone in this barren mountain?"

The man saw that the master was as beautiful as a flower, so he replied respectfully: "The elder doesn't know, I am a businessman, and I can only travel day and night to make a living." "Amitabha, there are still such unequal things in the world!" The master was so kind that he shed tears. "Farewell, I have to hurry." The man left after speaking. The elder brother stopped him and said, "Wait a minute, brother! There are many goblins on this journey, it's too dangerous for you to go alone, why don't you go with us." "Together with you, what's the difference between this and meeting a monster? You are Sun Wukong, right? My job is not as good as yours. If you meet a monster, he won't find you, and everything will be fine. If he messes with you, you can kill him with a stick, or Everything will be fine; I can't do it, I have to find even goblins for sales work. If he uses my things, I'm happy; It’s unreasonable to use things and not give money, I can’t do anything with him, and I can’t beat him to death. Oh! It’s hard!” the man sighed.

"Poor comrade," said all four of us in unison, "God bless you!" May 20 Tonight, the four of us, master and apprentice, rested in an ancient temple. We talked about the past and the present under the faint candlelight, and we talked about the topic of women.The eldest brother held his chin, looked at the Buddha statue and asked the master thoughtfully: "Master, I remember you once said: 'emptiness is form, and form is emptiness. Then you give me the name of 'Wukong', which means 'enlightenment of form' ? Alas... I really want to 'empty it now!'" The master took a sip of tea and said slowly, "Everyone, please bear with me a little longer, when we arrive in Tianzhu..." Bajie snatched up and said, "What can we do when we arrive in Tianzhu? If you get the right result, you will have to endure it." I didn't make a sound at that time, thinking: "Second senior brother looks like that, even if he doesn't enter Buddhism, he will have to endure it for a lifetime!" What I didn't expect was that the master said: "I won't bear it forever! After all, there are so many younger sisters who are coveting me, especially the pipa master. She almost got her way last time, hum! Thanks to my insistence on principles, Amen !" The elder brother asked the second elder brother: "Bajie, tell me about your views on love." The second brother said: "Love is like a small boat, you are at the bow and I am at the stern. I am rowing the oars, and the boat sails to the other side of happiness on the quiet lake full of golden sunset..." The second senior brother is indeed a pig with a romantic nature, and his words are so poetic.I kept silent throughout the night, and everyone praised my mind as still water, and I will surely become a Buddha in the future.I don't care about it. What's so good about becoming a Buddha?It's better to be a goblin, and you can do whatever you want, especially if you can have three wives and six concubines... It's fascinating... Good!Ok, deal. May 25 The weather is getting hotter and hotter, and everyone is still wearing long gowns and gowns, especially the eldest brother, his fur is so hairy that it makes people feel prickly heat!The master told me to change everyone's clothes to make them cooler. So, I changed the cassock of the master into a beach suit; I changed the tiger skin skirt of the senior brother into a Korean navel-cut dress that is popular this summer; So, everyone walked in silence on the road. June 1 Today is Children's Day, we walked into a market.The market was crowded with people, and the children, like birds, dressed in floral clothes, flew happily into the garden and onto the grass.Seeing them reminds me of my childhood... Just as I was engrossed in my thoughts, suddenly, two children ran over, pointed at the second senior brother and shouted: "Who's pig has escaped! Whose pig has escaped!" The second senior brother was about to defend himself, and another child ran over , stretched out his hand and grabbed the long nose of the second senior brother, and then shouted: "Fake, fake! This is not a pig, it's Boar Superman! I've seen it in comics!" The second senior brother was hurt and angry, and rushed the child They run around. At night, everyone sat together and talked about their childhood. The master first said: "The thing I remember most when I was a child is that when I was five years old, I fought with the neighbor's child, but I never beat him. So, in the evening, I sneaked into his kitchen and saw porridge cooking in the pot. , I took out a large piece of coal and threw it into the porridge, stirred it, and then ran home as if nothing had happened. Ha, ha, ha..." The senior brother said: "What is this! I remember when I was five years old, I liked to play with firecrackers. When I saw someone going to the latrine, I would light firecrackers and throw them into the latrine. Hehehe..." The second brother said not to be outdone, "boring child! When I was five years old, on the way to the county to receive the county's top ten innocent children award, I saw a young man fall into the water and jumped into the pond without thinking. I just dragged him up! When he got up, he yelled at me: "Why are you dragging me! This is a swimming pool!" I thought: Their childhood was too gloomy!When I was a child, the most I could do was to put some caterpillars in the girl's stationery box. June 7 Master was invited to a banquet by the local officials today, but the Bird Officer did not invite the three of us, so I was really angry! Before leaving, the master borrowed five taels of silver from each of us, saying that it was for the sedan chair when we came back. After he left, Brother Hou suggested that the three of us go for a stroll in the town tonight, but we will go our separate ways, and we will meet here tomorrow morning to wait for the master. So, I found a small road and strolled to the town.The town is very lively, there are row upon row of restaurants, singing and dancing, it is a scene of peace and prosperity.There is a casino here, a sauna over there, an internet cafe over there, and a hair salon over there... Huh?I don't know what the small building with the red light on is for, let me go and have a look. Taking a closer look, there is a plaque upstairs, which reads: "Blue and White Jade Willow Building". Before I could react, I was dragged upstairs by a few beauties with heavy make-up, forced me into a private room, forced me to hand over thirty taels of silver, and then found a foreign beau to beat me up for a whole night! At four o'clock in the morning, I was afraid of being suspected by my seniors, so I got up early and went back to the agreed place.It's a good thing they haven't come back yet. After washing up, I accidentally found that the circles under my eyes are dark. Alas, that's over last night! At half past five, the second senior brother came back, looking very tired, with dark circles under his eyes.I asked him: "Second Senior Brother, what did you do last night, why did you become so haggard?" "Oh! Don't mention it! I met a group of old classmates when I went to the city last night, and they insisted on taking me to drink. After drinking the white ones, they drink beer; . At half past six, the elder brother also came back.As soon as he came back, he waved his hands and said, "What do you think is a coincidence? I met a group of old classmates when I went to the city last night, and they insisted on taking me to drink. After drinking white beer, drinking beer; after drinking beer, drinking red... I am stupid!" At 7:30, the master came back: "A group of desperate people! Those who drink beer after drinking white; those who drink beer and drink red... make me miserable!" He said. Then we said no more, packed our luggage and hit the road. After entering the city, when I approached the Blue and White Jade Willow Building, I lowered my head and pretended not to see it, for fear of being recognized by the lady, my heart was in my throat.When he was about to walk over, he heard the sound of gongs and drums in the building, and a bright red silk was hung from the roof.It says "Congratulations to the eminent monk of the Tang Dynasty and his three eminent disciples for coming to this building and returning with satisfaction!" Embarrassed! June 11 There is a long way to go…… I feel that I can't hold on anymore and I have to rest.But that super white-faced big bald donkey rides on the horse all day long, so how can I feel the feeling of carrying luggage! I put my luggage on the ground and said, "I'm not leaving, I'm too tired!" The senior brother and the second senior brother also sat down when they saw that I was not leaving.The big bald donkey got off the horse, came over, stroked my head with his plump palm and said, "Wujing, I know it's hard for you to carry luggage, but there's no way. If you don't pick them, they won't go away by themselves." , and these luggage have been streamlined and streamlined, and there are so few things that I can recite the list now." The wild donkey really did it: "We have 40 scarves, 70 hats, and 20 pairs of beach shoes. 20 pairs of sports shoes, 20 pairs of hiking shoes, 20 pairs of leather shoes, 4 shoehorns, 4 tubes of shoe polish, 84 belts, 4 suits, 4 cassocks, 40 belts, 44 toothbrushes, 10 cups, 1200 tubes of toothpaste, 80 razors, 60 bottles of facial cleanser, 60 bottles of whitening cream, 60 bottles of sunscreen, 60 bottles of facial mask, 4 eyelash curlers, 4 eyebrow brushes, 8 lipsticks, 4 compact powders, and 1 color TV Taiwan, a DVD player, a fitness machine, 4 Barbie dolls, a set of "Dragon Ball", a set of "Crayon Shin-chan", 105 copies of "Playboy", a PS2, 1500 discs of first-class movies, four people A total of 2 pairs of underwear, a total of 3 pairs of socks, a total of 1 towel, and a total of 1 foot cloth.” He finally finished nagging, in fact, the old glass is still leaking, his steam facial cleanser. "Look at these things, they are really not enough," said the big bald donkey. "It's all your thing, you should pick it!" I said to him. "A teacher can't memorize it!" "Then get rid of those damn clothes and overflowing make-up!" "Then how can I do it, the image is very important when going out!" At this time, Zhutou Sansiwu said: "Except for DVD players, first-class movies and "Playboy", everything else should be thrown away!" The Monkey King also chimed in: "No way! Throw away everything except the comic books and the PS2!" In the end I just picked them all up and hit the road because I couldn't keep my beloved Barbie dolls and convince them to throw away everything else Lose. well! July 1 Today we met a monster on the mountain road, and this monster just wouldn't let us pass.The elder brother stepped forward and clasped his fists and said: "This dear man, what is your surname, why did you block our way? Do you want to rob money?" The monster said: "No." "Does that mean you want to eat my master?" "No. He looks sour!" "Then you want to pick him up? Don't be shy to say it!" "It's better to soak him than Wu Mengda!" The master went over to him and asked him: "You are neither this nor that, you have made us feel so disoriented, I am so confused!" The monster said: "What a nagging, why don't you eat shit! I just came up with a brain teaser to test you, and if you get it right, I'll let you go!" "Yeah!" We clapped our hands and said. "How do you get a hippopotamus to the top of a hill without any tools?" asked the monster. The master immediately had the answer: "That's not easy, let's persuade it to go up!" The goblin didn't speak. "Master, you're talking in your sleep again, aren't you? You should be riding a hippo up the mountain!" said the elder brother. "I rely on ing! Dude, it's a hippo! It's not a big horse!" The goblin laughed. "I see," said the second senior brother, "put a hippopotamus of the opposite sex on the mountain, and lure this one up!" "You are a pig! You can't get this one, so you get another one!" the monster scolded. I thought for a while and said, "Should I carry it up the mountain?" The monster didn't make a sound, and after a while, he said to me: "Then you have to work hard, and bring back the hippopotamus I caught at the bottom of the mountain!" It turns out that this monster is looking for someone to help him run the horse!Personality, I like it!I will help you with this! September 10 Recently, that bald, white-faced wild donkey has become more and more outrageous, and asked me to wash his underwear! I'm not easy to bully either, so I put his underwear in the water and it burned.After it dries, I sprinkle a lot of balm on top, haha!Let him cool off! September 14 Autumn is here, and there is a slight chill in the evening wind.At night, after eating the gnocchi soup I made, the senior brother built a fire, and everyone sat around the fire and chatted.As we talked, we talked about "eating".The second brother asked: "There are so many delicacies in the world, which one do you guys like the most?" The master sat up and said solemnly: "Master's favorite is vegetarian fried cabbage." Everyone applauded. The senior brother also said seriously: "I love tomatoes mixed with sugar!" Everyone applauded. The second brother rushed to say: "I like fried bean pancakes with green onions." Everyone applauded. I said: "I love fried bean sprouts with wax gourd skin!" Everyone applauded. Not long after, the elder brother became impatient and said, "I confess, it's no big deal, I love twice-cooked pork!" Everyone was stunned, but they all admired the elder brother for daring to tell the truth. After a while, the second senior brother couldn't help it anymore and said, "Actually, my favorite dish is boiled lamb kidneys!" Then, I also confessed: "I love braised pork intestines the most!" The second brother gave me a blank look, and I knew he was praising my taste. Finally, everyone turned their attention to the master... After a long time, he also uttered the truth: "Do you know that there is a way to cook the turtle, press the turtle with a stone plate, put a small fire under it, and cook it as far as the turtle's head can stretch out?" Put a bowl of prepared seasoning soup in the place where you go, and when the fire is on, the soft-shelled turtle will naturally feel hot and thirsty and drink the soup in the bowl. In this way, when the soft-shelled turtle is cooked, the taste of the soup will also fully enter, and the taste, Hey! That's called a 'must!" Everyone applauded enthusiastically. September 27 In order to reach Xitian as soon as possible, the four of us decided to cheat after discussion!That is to turn the white dragon horse into an off-road motorcycle and let the master ride it on the road. At first, Bai Longma was reluctant, saying that he would faint if the speed was too fast.The master said: "I will not ride too fast, at most a hundred yards, I will pull the rein!" The elder brother rolled his eyes at him and said: "Old man, have you ever driven a car? You are still pulling the rein, it should be called loose gas pedal!" The master said: "Then I can't drive it. Wukong, you must help the master change the motorcycle. It's like pulling the reins, OK?" "Got it, Xiaobai!" The senior brother said helplessly. So, the master rode a rein-pulling motorcycle, and the three of us drove westward through the clouds and fog. It's so cool to fly!So happy! But I didn't walk very far, and I heard someone shouting: "Haha! I saw it! You cheated, I will go back and report to the teacher!" "Damn it, I hate people for making small reports the most! I'll do it!" The senior brother chopped it down with a stick! The elder brother picked out that person: "None of your business! Who is your teacher? Where did you get rich?" The man covered his head and cried, "Guanyin is our teacher. Woo..." "Oh! It's Sister Guanyin! Be good! Don't cry, come on, I'll give you five cents to go back and buy a lollipop!" The senior brother comforted the man by stroking the man's head. The man took the money and burst into tears Laughed. The elder brother explained again: "Go back and don't tell the teacher what you saw us doing, oh?" "Remember, I just don't say anything! Goodbye." The man said as he walked. Everyone went on their way.The second senior brother suddenly shouted: "Oh! We are miserable! I remember who that person is!" Everyone asked: "Who is it!" "The famous 'poor Zhang Dabaihe'!" The second senior brother replied in despair. ... September 28 Sure enough, as the second senior brother expected, Guanyin caught up with us early this morning. The master pretended to be calm, and greeted him and said, "What's the big sister doing this trip? Do you want to come and play for a while?" Avalokitesvara has a serious and angry face, but when we saw the willow bottle in her hand, we couldn't help laughing.It turned out that she broke the bottle again, and now she held it in a stainless steel spittoon. "Don't laugh!" Guanyin sternly said, "Yesterday, you cheated! Not only did you cheat, you dared to insult the Buddha. The most intolerable thing is that you molested good women!" "We are so wronged! I just rode a motorcycle for a while yesterday, how dare I insult the Buddha and molested good women!" said the master. "Stop quibbling! Zhang Dabai and I have already told you, but you still want to hide it from me!" Guanyin said. "Damn! This slut! You really have a way of complaining. Let me catch him, and I have to sew his mouth shut with a needle!" The senior brother scolded. "I want to punish you, and through a vote of the Xitian Management Committee, I decided to fine you for three days without defecating!" Guanyin said. "So ruthless!" "So poisonous!" "So bad!" "So despicable and inhuman!" We protested. "You can't cheat anymore, I will send someone to monitor you." Guanyin said and left. "Damn it! Don't shit, you want us to die!" Second Senior Brother shouted. well!No way, in order not to have a bowel movement, everyone drank some porridge at night and went to bed. September 30 Haven't had a bowel movement for two days.As the saying goes: not having a bowel movement a day is equivalent to smoking three packs of cigarettes, and each of us has smoked six packs.People are iron, feces are steel, and you can't hold back without a meal! The master was holding his stomach on horseback, with a painful expression on his face, foaming at the mouth.The second senior brother bowed his waist and moved forward, and the senior senior brother jumped up and down. At this time, I heard the second senior brother roar: "I can't take it anymore!" After screaming, he ran into the grass and only heard "beep bang"!His cry came again: "It's so ecstasy!" My senior brother and I couldn't hold back anymore, so we jumped into the grass to solve it.Good guy!I didn't have a bowel movement for two days, but I pulled out more than five catties! After we solved it, we came out and saw the master was still sitting on the horse with a calm expression.We all admire his determination. The second senior brother asked the master: "Master, no one will see anyway, so forget it!" The master had a strange expression, and whispered, "No need, Wu Jing, give me a pair of clean underwear..." I was changing my master's underwear when I heard someone shouting, "I saw it again! Go back and report to the teacher!" It turned out to be that poor mouthed Zhang Dabaihe again.I was about to go up and beat him, but I didn't expect that the master hadn't put on his pants yet, so I said "I hit him!" and passed by with a flying kick.He gave him a hard K meal. The master was so good at beating, and he was still angry after the beating, so he asked the second senior brother to help open Zhang Dabaihe's mouth, and fed him all the twenty catties of feces of the second senior brother... Really hate!