Chapter 35 Part III.1.1

1 When a pair of yellow teeth inevitably became what Wu Wei had to face day and night, she encountered a limit. It was not because Wu Wei at that time was like an apple just plucked from a tree, so fresh that it was impeccable. Even if she is an apple full of worm eyes, or becomes a rotten apple at the end of the day, I believe that trivial things such as yellow teeth or bad breath will still become the limit of her tolerance.She's just too sensitive to her mouth and what's in it. Even the last thing she did before losing consciousness was the encounter with the Yellow Fangs—— When she walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and looked at her vicious face like a lone wolf, she realized that she was completely wasted in the endless danger.With no one to save her, and no cure, she is left alone.Looking back, many big and yellow teeth suddenly appeared in the mirror.Those teeth, triumphant and unhurried, pressed from behind her, and her whole body was bitten into those big yellow teeth.She felt the pain go right through her insole.

Turning around suddenly, trying to struggle out of those teeth, but bumping his head against the wall behind him. Blood meandered down from her forehead, adding some grace and even a touch of dust to her face, which had been tasteless for a long time. In the pain, she slowly woke up. It turned out that it was not a tooth, but a piece of tile on the wall.But those tiles look like rows of teeth, and they are the big and yellow front teeth that the Japanese had during the war of aggression against China. After more than half a century of human evolution and the advancement of dental medicine, the current Japanese will certainly no longer have such big and yellow front teeth that stick out like crickets.But the Japanese during the war of aggression against China had to embarrassingly grow such incisors.And these teeth in her bathroom are not only yellow and big, not only are they bared outward like crickets' front teeth, but also have deep-rooted yellow tartar embedded between each tooth gap.

She couldn't help picking up the chisel, confidently trying to remove the tartar.Picking and picking, she suddenly realized that with so many teeth and so many gaps between them, she couldn't pick them clean no matter what, so she picked up a chisel and a hammer, and even pried and knocked, smashing those teeth piece by piece. She did it quietly, calmly, not at all crazy. Afterwards, she just felt a little tired, so she lit a cigarette, whispered "Baby!" into the cigarette, and shouted "Mom!" into the air It feels so good to smoke.Now, the most relaxing moment for her, the most intimate thing for her, is to smoke such a cigarette that holds neither pity nor malice for her.

She sat on the floor in front of the toilet door, looking at the big yellow teeth she had smashed, and meditating on the uncertainty of the world.But no, in the blink of an eye, these big yellow teeth were broken, like a person who was always inseparable, suddenly lying in a coffin. At this time, she turned her head, and a man in a gauze hat and court dress came in.On the man's face, there were no eyebrows, eyes, nose, or mouth, just a blank sheet.The bare board is engraved with official script vertically and horizontally, each stroke is as wide and deep as a stick of incense, and the edges are rolled up. This face plate engraved with official script silently followed her, walking around the room with her , she turned around and leaned down to that face, and asked, "Let me see, what is written on it?"

But no matter how she looked at it, she couldn't understand it. From then on, she asked everyone, "Can you tell me what is written on that face?" So they sent her to a madhouse. Suddenly, either the secretary of the party committee invites her to watch a movie, or the wife of the office director invites her to eat dumplings. If watching a movie, the next seat must be Huang Ya; Wu Wei shared the pot of dumplings. At first Wu Weizhen thought it was a coincidence, but later he realized that there is no book without a coincidence.Yellow teeth determine the promotion of the leader of the unit size!

In college, Wu Wei's wildness has been transformed a lot.As soon as the freshmen entered school, the principal announced at the orientation meeting: "In our university, the proportion of Communist Party members is higher than that of the army." If such a university is not a steelmaking furnace, it is also an ironmaking furnace.Wu Wei, who came out of this door, naturally has a certain understanding of the situation where there is nowhere to escape, not to mention the household registration book, grain book...a file bag can lock people up. So she despicably thought of Han Mulin who was far away in Beijing and was rejected by her back then.

The reason for the refusal is really inexplicable. It has nothing to do with major themes such as houses and banknotes, but a very insignificant detail: Han Mulin has bad breath. At that time, Wu Wei was not only like an apple just plucked from the tree, but also not as addicted to coffee as later, his teeth were covered with coffee.Brown stains, inevitably yellow teeth.There is no peculiar smell in the mouth. Even if you eat onion and garlic, you can solve the problem by brushing your teeth once. Just imagine, on that romantic night, when such a fresh apple, such a pair of white and flawless teeth, and such a mouth without peculiar smell faced the dilemma of kissing with a stinky mouth in Beihai Park, how would you be so critical of Wu Wei? Even if Han Mulin is worth millions, he might not be able to settle down.

Facing the age-old question of Hamlet "To live or not to die, that is really a question", Wu Wei had to choose between a pair of yellow teeth and a stinky mouth.Wu Wei is obsessed with Beijing, and his reasons have nothing to do with major themes such as politics, economic centers, and opportunities.Her Beijing is a Beijing that will one day perform a certain plot—Natasha meets Prince Bolkonsky at a certain ball—and it has entered the second half of the 20th century for China and the world. Reality has no concept.I also thought that life is like what I read in classical novels, nothing more than love and parties, and the household registration book, food book, portfolio, etc. are retired at this time...

After all, Beijing is the capital of culture.Wu Wei has been superstitious about culture all her life, even if it is the shadow of culture, it is enough to make her eagerly long for it. If you want to live a more civilized life, such as listening to operas; appreciating lotus flowers in Shichahai; Where did it go... When life is so "Life Flows Like a River of Mud..." as one song sings, geography plays a role in the final balance. Han Mulin took advantage of the geographical advantage. The marriage with Han Mulin can only be said to be a conspiracy by Wu Wei. He not only replaced Ding Nazui with yellow teeth, but also used him as a springboard for returning to Beijing and a reproductive tool. Later, he even put a green hat on Han Mulin's head. superior.Then what Han Mulin did to her was understandable and beyond reproach.What right does Wu Wei have to sneer at the exchange behavior of any market!

2 On the wedding night, suddenly a huge cloud of dark clouds swept across the clear sky, as if covering the moon with a black cloak.Wu Wei suddenly remembered the pas de deux in the ballet "Romeo and Juliet" in the church. Didn't Juliet wear a black cloak?Then guess the scene of Romeo and Juliet making love, they can't keep jumping in the church, can they?But there is no way to link up with this pas de deux.I don't know if it's because Juliet's smooth and broad forehead and the solemn black cloak on her body are blocking the future plot... Then Wu Wei sighed vaguely and inexplicably. "What's the matter?" asked Han Mulin, very gentle.

His breath was blowing on Wu Wei's back ear, it was warm and somewhat cloudy.She stopped looking at the moon, and looked at the man who would actually be her husband, forcing herself not to think about the bad breath she had to face when kissing. Although she avoided a mouthful of yellow teeth, she jumped into a bad mouth, and it was her own choice, not to mention that she didn't know that he had bad breath until she kissed Han Mulin at the wedding night.Since a woman has something to do with a man, she has to kiss that man. Is it something to not kiss? Fortunately, the result of something is marriage. After marriage, kissing is not necessary, because there is a higher-grade substitution behavior, as soon as you go to bed, you can go directly to the substantive stage. In case of kissing... you have to hold your breath. Alas, since you are married to this mouth, no matter whether you have bad breath or not, you cannot refund the ticket. After getting married, Wu Wei really never kissed Han Mulin again. I don't know if Han Mulin noticed this? This look surprised Wu Wei. Han Mulin's eyelashes were already long, but the shadow of the moonlight made them longer, and he took off his glasses, making his eyes charming like a woman's.Then Han Mulin leaned down to kiss her, his cheeks were as fleshy as a woman's! Be meaty, not fat. His lips, which were originally slightly dark and curved, looked like a woman's lips with lipstick in the dark night.For a moment, Wu Wei had a terrifying hallucination: Isn't she having sex with a woman? Before this night, Wu Wei had never carefully studied Han Mulin's face.She was too shy to keep looking for a minute in the face of a man she might have something to do with. She was afraid of other things besides being shy.Many things cannot stand scrutiny and research, and the results of many things are very different when viewed close up and viewed from a distance.What if something is found on the face of this man who is going to talk about marriage with him?Now that you have decided to marry him, it's better not to look at her.That's it, for a small fear, she had to accept a big fear in the end. I didn't even expect that a man's face is so different when he is making love and when he is not. Then she entered a black city, walked in the middle of the street, heard and smelled the sights and smells of the city, just like a tree, a wall, a person, a dog, a flower, a glass of wine...even smelling To the color of the glass of wine, the shape of the glass.And the taste of the wine is so strange!He couldn't help reaching out to get the glass of wine, but the glass escaped into the darkness, but he still felt close at hand.She followed and took a step forward, trees, walls, people, dogs, flowers; Jiu took a step back and held her close to her. She rushed forward anxiously, but fell to the ground... Heicheng Immediately it turned into clouds of black mist, hiding in the depths of the unknown. Things are a little strange.Han Mulin turned over and lay sprawled on the bed, motionless; not making a sound. The problem is that before getting married, he couldn't know Wu Wei's level in this area. He regretted that he didn't stick to it the night before the wedding, and found an excuse to knock on Wu Wei's door. Said: "It's too late, let's talk about something tomorrow." Not at all accommodating.Didn't they already have a marriage certificate? Let’s talk about this kind of thing at the scene, even if it is not suitable, can I still get a refund? Falling in love with a woman should be in dire straits, but falling in love with a female college student in the 1960s is like watching fire from the other side. One Sunday I wanted to go boating with Wu Wei, but I didn't make an appointment beforehand, so I didn't know where to find her.The university is holding a spring sports meeting, and the tweeters are blaring loudly on the branches of the trees. The campus is full of students wearing sweatshirts and eating popsicles. Han Mulin strolled to the playground and saw Wu Wei participating in the women's 80-meter hurdles, so he was able to see the true face of Lushan Mountain.Two small breasts, like February buds that are far from blooming, are stuck on the back of the sweatshirt with no interest.The two leg muscles, like two rolling pins, rolled under the skin as she ran, and there was no extra flesh.No wonder she ran first without any effort, no burden! Han Mulin thought generously, most women who have not been enlightened by men are like this.He was looking forward to the changes after her marriage. But she was always stubborn and refused to soften, which made him uncomfortable. -How can a woman mature so slowly? Han Mulin likes fat women, who are pressed under his body - Bu like lying on a soft and hard sofa: He talked about this preference to Wu Wei without any hesitation, and said: "... But you, you are not a woman, It's a piece of wood," "Then why are you still practicing?" she asked. How can a woman ask her husband such a question! Coincidentally, on their wedding night, the two thought about the issue of non-refundable tickets at the same time. Compared with the women around her, Wu Wei's appearance is mediocre, but she has a different energy, and she also has a kind of academic background that has studied a lot in the factory. Later, Han Mulin concluded that because he was still young at that time, he had these unrealistic ideas. There is no need for learning in life, and the more educated a woman is, the more difficult her life will be; Days get pretty complicated. This different energy, see you again after many years, has evolved into a temperament. ——Han Mulin watched Wu Wei walk by, wearing an ankle-length skirt, which made her already tall even longer. She still likes long skirts.The texture of the skirt is not good either, she should be rich now. His hair is already grey, he is much fatter than he was decades ago, and he is obsessed with finding a seat.He was very familiar with this look, even when he was having sex with her, he always seemed to be researching something, but he didn't understand anything.Beside her was an elderly man who must have been her current husband.I can't remember which tabloid I saw the news of her remarriage. Such a celebrity, even if he had corns, the media would make a lot of hype. Now there are many tabloids like this, and he likes them. Wu Wei asked the old man to sit in the middle, and then sat down beside him. Alas, the one sitting next to her is no longer herself, but another man.He found, though, that they seemed close rather than dear.Once you've slept with a woman, you can probably guess what's going on with another man. But which man can Wu Wei get close to?Being her husband is probably just for nothing. Hasn't she made any progress in these many years? When it comes to the charm of a woman, it usually refers to the glamorous power that makes everyone obsessed. She doesn't have it, and she is still only suitable for standing in the distance and watching from the side.Wu Wei nodded to her acquaintances and raised her hands, as if at an envoy reception of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, but there was an unconventional tacit understanding between old friends. This feeling may come from her husband who looks like a diplomat.As the saying goes, this person has "a pair of eyes and a second eyebrow".Han Mulin once vowed to tell Chanyue all the scandals about Wu Wei from beginning to end on her eighteenth birthday: But now, any scandals are meaningless to this woman, and they can't hurt her anymore. He would be asking for trouble if he went up and said something to her husband now. Besides, where is the daughter? Fearing that his current wife might misunderstand, he once entrusted an old friend to visit Chanyue at school. At such a young age, he has a watertight ability, neither like Wu Wei nor him. The friend said: "Tell your mother, let her come to our house to play, and let the past go, don't be embarrassed." Chanyue asked calmly, "What's the embarrassment?" It's not that she didn't understand her mother's past, but she understood it so clearly that her friend was speechless.Obviously, before Han Mulin told Chanyue about Wu Wei's scandals, she already knew everything.Not only know, but also have their own set of ideas to deal with these things. He can no longer do whatever he wants with Wu.Their family, which had been devoting themselves to nothing, finally had someone to make a living. Later I heard that Zen Moon went to the United States.Even if he doesn't go to the United States, he also loses his share.Han Mulin was surprised to find that he was a little sad.Is it regretting?Han Mulin shook his head angrily, as if unwilling to admit his remorse. He has nothing to regret! Just ask the men in the world, who can calmly let their wives steal someone to raise an illegitimate child?What's more, he didn't hold on to this matter all the time, but it happened occasionally.Now Wu Wei is in someone else's pocket... No, he didn't regret it, it was just a remnant of the old master's feeling.I believe that all men will probably feel this way when they see the woman who once belonged to them has changed hands.She is not suitable for anyone, and any man who meets her will be bad luck.Nor should she marry again and again, either out of deliberate intent or without self-knowledge. For a family, the most basic element is not a talented woman, rich family, nor earth-shattering and vigorous love, but peace, simplicity, and clarity, just like his current wife. He turned his head to look at his wife, who was flat-headed and full-faced.This kind of mind will never give you tricks, it will only give you children.Those children must also be quiet and healthy, and never for a while.The child has a high fever, indigestion for a while, and eczema for a while, making you send them to the hospital every three days and midnight. But there is always something restless in Wu Wei's soul that is stirring. Even if this kind of thing doesn't give him a cuckold, it will give him something else by surprise. Seeing him shaking his head, his wife interjected, "Yes, I also think the heroine's acting skills are too bad." "Huh? Oh, the acting is too bad." Like their night thirty years ago, the characters on stage face family disintegration. After completing the divorce procedures at the neighborhood committee, Han Mulin, who had won the battle, suddenly had tears in his eyes. He couldn't help saying to Wu Wei, "I shouldn't have punished you like that... Actually, I didn't want to punish you." Wu Wei believed it. Even now, she doesn't think Han Mulin is a vicious and scheming man.But..."Don't say anything, it's too late to say anything." The tone was gentle, and she gradually looked like a grown woman, but it was too late. "If you don't object, let's go for a walk?" Han Mulin said. It was a midsummer night, and it was raining like summer.The whole city, the alleys, the courtyards on both sides of the alleys, the walls on the courtyards, the houses in the courtyards, the telegraph poles slanting in the alleys... are made of mud, and the mud soup keeps flowing down in the heavy rain. The soles of their feet slapped and slapped in the mud, and the tangled rain seemed to have nowhere to go, rushing through the dim halo of the street lamps and falling into the numb mud.Wu Wei huddled in an old and small raincoat, with a large lock of hair squeezed out from the too small rain hat, and with nowhere to hide, the rainwater drenched it into patches and stuck it on his forehead. Now that there were no more quarrels and curses, all that was left was a little farewell. But saying goodbye doesn't mean not saying goodbye, let alone... Han Mulin's Yourou at this time is only because of bits and pieces of introspection. This introspection can only be produced when there is no obligation and right between them. A write-off. "In all fairness, you are not a bad woman..." As a man, Han Mulin really understands the difference between a good woman and a bad woman. Wu Wei flinched.What is a good woman; what is a bad woman? Then she asked blankly, "Why did you tell me now?" Under people's contempt and humiliation, Wu Wei also believed that she was a bad woman. Now that she was suddenly granted an amnesty and acquitted, she was a little dazed.Han Mulin couldn't answer, as if he knew it was an unjust case before, but deliberately didn't tell her.It also seems that some things scattered around the house cannot be found until the time of major moving and cleaning.Wu Wei's thin face shrunk under the light rain hat, she was lost and helpless, Han Mulin had fought with her for several years, and he had never seen such an expression on her face, it seemed that these words really touched the heart that made her sad sore spot. "Would you like to change your raincoat with me?" he asked. "Ok." Perhaps because the breakup was imminent, she had become particularly accommodating.From their acquaintance to their marriage and divorce, this is the third time Wu Wei has accepted his gift. The first time was before marriage, on Wu Wei's birthday, Han Mulin gave her a handkerchief with four apples wrapped in it. The second time was when she got pregnant after getting married, and the winter clothes were too thin to fit, so he gave her his sheepskin coat. And finally this raincoat.It can also be said that at each historical stage of their relationship, there is a memorial. Wu Wei just refused to accept gifts from men, not even from his own husband. This is what made him feel valuable at the beginning and even now.And like all men, he doesn't like to spend money for women. She didn't even want Zenyue's alimony, saying: "I will raise the child. Besides, you will get married and have children after you get married. If you give us alimony every month, how can you afford it? What about the future home?" When Wu Wei is not a man's wife, she is really a wonderful person. Afterwards they walked for a long time in the rain without saying a word, listening intently to how the soles of their feet slapped in the mud. Even now, as long as he recalls that midsummer night, Han Mulin can still hear the sound of muddy feet slapping and raindrops hitting his rain hat. Later, they sent Wu Wei home, through the alley where he killed her to death. It so happened that a man came out of the yard to go to the public restroom, and when he saw them saying goodbye in the rain, he cleared his throat eeriely. Even Han Mulin found the movement unbearably obscene, as if he and her were having sex in the rain. Instead of saying goodbye to his wife—even his ex-wife, Han Mulin became uneasy with respect and shame.On the contrary, Wu Wei looked like he had been tempered for a long time.From now on, we will say goodbye and never see each other again.The theater is certainly not good-bye this evening.I will never see you again in this life.Thinking of this, Han Mulin had to force himself to admit that he was regretting that he really shouldn't have forced Wu Wei to have nowhere to go and nowhere to go. 3 Han Mulin and Wu Wei are more like classmates than husband and wife. When it comes to getting married, they just moved into the same dormitory together.When Han Muzhuran introduced "This is my lover", people's eyes always go around a few times first, and then they find that there are no other women around, and then they focus on Wu Wei. Wu Wei, who is heartless, meets Han Mulin, who is also heartless, and they hit it off immediately, which is probably the root of their bond. Neither striving for advancement nor self-satisfaction, neither happiness nor worry, let alone living a life, like a child playing "play house", and everyone puts it in the drawer when they are paid, and no one cares, just put it away in a few days After one month's salary was spent, everything that could be sold was sold, including old books and newspapers, and finally even the wedding ring. The most absurd thing was that when they sold the old books and newspapers, they even sold Han Mulin's bank deposit certificate hidden in the old books. It was Han Mulin's father's deposit certificate of several thousand dollars in the Bank of America before 1949.For these two heartless people, just a sigh of "Oh——" and let it go.If it were Hu Bingchen, such a thing would never happen, and he would never let it go. Wu Wei has been wearing the clothes of his school days. When he sees women dressed up in fashion, he just admires them and doesn't feel that he has no money to buy a set.What a pity. In fact, this kind of life is quite good, like the life of some poor artists in the West Side of New York, with no worries and cares, very chic.If it weren't for 319, Zen Moon was born, Wu Wei still didn't realize that he couldn't live like this.But they live in peace, and what's more rare is that they are very equal.As a classmate, if something went wrong later on, it was Wu Wei's responsibility and had nothing to do with Han Mulin. Wu Wei didn't understand what to do from the beginning. If you don't tell the whole story, no one will know about that matter.It is not uncommon for a woman to give birth a few days earlier than the due date, even more than a month earlier, but she has to live in secret. It's fine if you just live in a sneaky way, the most unbearable thing is to hide this shady secret without conscience.Pretend to be a gentleman until she dies—that's too long, and she's just in her twenties. She never imagined that she would bear such a deep sense of guilt for this short-term extramarital affair. She never stopped thinking about how to escape from this crime, and knew that a decisive method must be adopted in order to eradicate the grass.But she will also go to hell with her frankness. Everything the heroine Hester Prynne has suffered, she will endure every bit of it until she dies, and she is just in her twenties. If he tells the whole story, will Han Mulin tolerate it?If he files for divorce, can she get Zenyue's custody? It seems that I knew that I would never find that man in this life. Since the beginning of the world, there is nowhere to throw away the love that has been prepared for that unique man. She had to be enlightened by that unique man to transform into a feminine and charming body, so she had no choice but to restlessly in the mystery of the world, with no future in sight. So I made up my mind a long time ago to give birth to a daughter and continue looking. Ye Lianzi often said: "If you don't like things, there are always eight or nine things, and you can talk to others in the same way." Must a man have to go through the world in such isolation?It's terrible! Give birth to a daughter, who can continue her dreams and become a friend and partner who can't say enough. Wu Wei got his wish. The women waiting to give birth in the waiting room shouted like a competition, not because of the pain, but to declare their achievements. Wu Wei faced the wall, waiting for Zenyue's arrival wholeheartedly, biting a ball without a sound.A handkerchief with tiny lilac flowers.Later, Zenyue also liked purple, which was the color of three generations of women in their family.Zen Moon is coming, and she is trying her best to take her first step, and maybe she will start a arduous life journey like Wu Wei.She can't waste her energy by yelling and screaming, she has to concentrate on leading Chanyue across this unpredictable threshold. Now that he knew the dangers of this world, he refused to come into this world life and death at the beginning, but now for himself, he gave birth to Chanyue in this world without asking if Chanyue agreed, Wu Wei should say it was very selfish. When life became more and more difficult, Wu Wei said to Chanyue many times: "I'm really sorry, my mother gave birth to you into this world." Different from the two generations of women in their family, Chanyue said: "Why? Come to the world and taste all kinds of tastes. I think it's good." Wu Wei didn't say anything, but thought in his heart, a newborn calf, he will know how powerful he is in the future. When the nurse sent their mother and daughter back to the ward from the delivery room, Wu Wei was confused for a while, thinking that she and Chanyue were not lying on a hospital trolley, but lying in a big cradle with no support.The cradle was wobbling and she didn't know where it was going, and she woke up with a start, but the warm little cloth bag on the outside of her right leg immediately made her feel at ease.The most outstanding work of her life is contained in the small cloth bag!This is why after Wu Weibo became a writer, he always said "my daughter" when answering the reporter's question "Which one do you think is your most successful work?" For this reason, she is grateful to Han Mulin who gave birth to her a daughter.Would she have given birth to a daughter without Han Mulin?half also.no.It is unimaginable that decades later, society has progressed to the point where women can buy a single mother who is good at being a single mother!Make her very envious. The little cloth bag on the outside of her right leg arched mischievously at this moment, as if she knew what she was thinking, and bumped her leg with her elbow, it must be like this.When Chanyue was still living in her stomach, if there were two hard little things propping up her belly, and then those two little things shook-twitched, it must be Chanyue stretching in her stomach, The two hard little things were her little fists raised above her head.After Zenyue was born, she always stretched like this. Also, Wu Wei didn't have the courage to speak up. Wu Wei is actually a very cowardly and mediocre person, neither possessing the great virtue of being a hero, nor the great evil of being a young man. It would be fine if her morality was as solid as iron, but no, her morality is quite hypocritical.If there is no physical evidence of an illegitimate child, it means sleeping with ten men, as long as no one notices, is he still an upright gentleman?Will she still repent?Her confession is impossible to escape—is it forced by public opinion, or is it forced by conscience? Then if you have the guts, you can carry out the matter of stealing people and raising illegitimate children to the end.But he immediately regretted it, betrayed himself and betrayed a thousand people. If he joins the revolution, he must be like Li Lin under the leadership of Hu Bingchen.She doesn't have the boldness of Bai Fan. For decades, she has kept the issue of illegitimate children a secret. If it wasn't for the censorship of cadres' political campaign, if the other party didn't confess, and if there wasn't the application of DNA technology, Bai Fan might have kept it hidden.As Zenyue said: "You are always like this! No matter what you do, the result is your own fault. Even if you do nothing wrong, you will never be justified. Did someone ask you to check and find out about the situation? No! You always take the initiative to come out and make it clear. For example, in this matter, for the peace of your conscience, you sacrificed not only grandma and me, but also Fontaine and yourself. Frankly, yes, The result may not be as you wish." When she thought about it like this, she didn't think about what her frankness would bring to Ye Lianzi, Zenyue and Fontaine, or if they kept silent, they had another fate possible.It wasn't until Fontaine's first cry announced her existence that Wu Wei was forced to make an urgent decision.The midwife held Fontaine and waved before her eyes.Wu Wei glanced at that small face hastily, and only glanced at it, as if another glance or a slight delay would be a greater betrayal of Chanyue. At that time, Wu Wei only knew that his sins were serious, not as clear as he was after repeated liquidations later.And her way of thinking is very strange, she feels that what she hurts the most is the future of Shanyue and Zenyue.So he lay on the delivery bed and told Han Mulin the unknowing thing: "Fontaine is not your child." Han Mulin asked, "What else?" She stopped talking.Why say it's just this once! Isn't it a betrayal once?There is no essential difference between once and several times.Why do you say it so coincidentally! Coincidentally, it is a fait accompli anyway, with an illegitimate child. At that moment, Wu Wei's conscience really found peace.She lay quietly on the hospital bed, waiting for the beginning of a submissive, shameless, ascetic life, firmly believing that in that kind of life, a pure herself would be tortured, and the sin of stealing someone to raise an illegitimate child would be redeemed. How can one know what is wrong with a person who makes mistakes for love, even if it is the love he imagined? ! Anyway, Han Mulin is a magnanimous man. He only said that Wu Wei certainly has no custody of Chanyue, and he can't give Chanyue to such a mother—he didn't say "such a morally corrupt Mother". He also promised that if Wu Wei changed his past, he could still live with their father and daughter, but he had to choose between Chanyue and Fontaine. If they choose Fontaine, they have to divorce and Zenyue will be brought up by him; if they choose Chanyue, they must abandon Fontaine. Only in this way will they not leave her old love with an entangled reason. It wasn't that Han Mulin was too worried. Decades later, when Wu Wei met his ex-lover in a certain movie theater, the other party actually wrote to ask her to go to the park for a while. ——After resorting to the law and encountering the cruelest and most merciless trampling that this society and the public can give to a lowly woman! ——After biting a dog in front of their son's law! Maybe men can? Since Wu Wei had to choose between Chanyue and Fontaine, it was a choice without a choice. For Zenyue, she can't make the same mistakes again and again.For Zenyue, she can only make another big mistake: she can't choose Fontaine. Wu Wei shamefully evaded the vocation of a mother in this way.Han Mulin took out the written evidence: Wu Wei voluntarily transferred his own daughter Fengdan to others... What Wu Wei couldn't remember the most was that Han Mulin asked her to press her fingerprints under the paper using the oldest method—the signatures were not counted. In this way, she cruelly threw Fontaine into a vast expanse of muddy water, where the sky was connected to the earth and the earth was connected to the sky. There were no trees, no houses, no river banks.From then on, a lonely little person drifted without a clue. Wu Wei never stopped interrogating himself: Why is there no attachment to Fontaine?In the future, when she became a writer, people who knew or didn't know her past not only stopped spitting behind her, throwing stones or throwing worn-out shoes at her, but even began to respect her, but she said to herself, this account It never ends. They are also their own flesh and blood, why are they treated so differently? She has to answer.Because Fontaine is an illegitimate child not recognized by society.Her due maternal love for Fontaine was killed by the fear of having to face society and public opinion. Wu Wei is nothing but a selfish and cowardly coward.As for the courage to live in the later life, it was nothing more than a self-deceiving and bluffing wail of a drowning dog or a mangy dog ​​when someone slapped it in a hurry, just like the poem said, "Several screams, several sobs." It will take several decades for these wailing barks to turn into an atmosphere of shame and courage. Wu Wei soon fell into a new and deeper conscience. She couldn't exchange Han Mulin for the family's security at such a price, so Han Mulin still took them to court.Legal acts make literature, not love, show its forlornness.The unbearable weather of love should be a matter of course, but what is funny is the unbearable wind and rain of literature that Wu Wei superstitiously believes in.Fortunately, Wu Wei met a very humane female judge. Over the years, she has always remembered that female judge named Yang Liu.Over the years, she has always wanted to visit the female judge, but she never made the trip. Maybe the past is too bad to look back on. 文学根本就不待见吴为，文学拒绝了她，所以给了吴为这样一个严重的警告。可是她并没有迷途知返，最后还是走上了文学之路，并再次受到文学毁灭性的打击——如果她不成为作家，还是胡秉宸麾下一个小职员的话，胡秉宸还会钓她这条鱼吗？ 人们并没有因吴为的举手投降就饶过她们母女三人。叶莲子和禅月这无辜的一老一小，马上跟着她一起下了地狱，人们给她的惩罚有多重，给叶莲子给禅月的伤害就有多深。一辈子没让人戳过脊梁骨的叶莲子，为了吴为让人戳了脊梁骨。 叶莲子也无从知道，党小组已经全体通过，只等上级组织审批，眼看就要成为共产党员的她，突然被拒之门外的真正理由。 零雨村于一九四九年五月二十七日解放，叶莲子-：夜之间，从顶替某个教师、只能领半工资、随时可能被解聘的“黑人”，变成了光荣的人民教师，从此不再流落天涯。 将那另一半工资据为已有的朱校长，不知何处去了；李老师也再不敢将她对学生讲的“土豆是茄科植物”当做笑柄；“二校长”马文忠，不但不敢再找这个教师中最穷的叶莲子借钱不还，还于零雨村解放的第二天，报名参加了中国人民解放军。 两年后马文忠回到学校，向全体师生作了题为《英雄平叛四川残匪》的报告。那时候叶莲子还没离开零雨村，回想当年马文忠“借”钱的往事，只能是一片迷茫。 叶莲子的脸上，终于有了那种真正可以叫做笑的玩意儿。既不是顾秋水赏给她的，也不是为求一口饭吃强做出来的，而是完完全全属于自己的私人财产。 她在那位女军代表身上，看到了如她一样无依无靠的穷人的希望；认定那宽大的灰军装，就是她的护翼，以至每每看到那种宽大的灰军装，就想跑过去抓住它，放在脸上贴一贴。 In particular, Wu Wei suffered from rheumatic heart disease, and his condition developed rapidly. The military representative immediately contacted the hospital and admitted Wu Wei to the hospital, and his condition was quickly brought under control.直到治愈出院，叶莲子也没有为一分钱操过心。She always said: "If it is not liberated, Wu Wei would have died long ago!" Ye Lianzi is grateful to the Communist Party, and educates Wu Wei with the fact that the Ye family has turned over.在她退休前的几十年里，孜孜不她拼却全力奔向那个目标。二十世纪中期，一个具有共产主义理想的人想要加入共产党，必得经过脱胎换骨的改造、奋斗，说是脱几层皮也未尝不可。不像二十一世纪，就是有的拥有个人资产在脱了几层皮的追求奋斗之后，叶莲子确实接近了她的目标，但在最后的冲刺中被拦在界外，将叶莲子几十年追求毁于一旦的人，正是她亲爱的女儿吴为。她那几层皮是白脱了！ 那一夜大雨滂沱，因为幽会吴为很晚才回到家。小学校的大门紧闭，她进不了门、回不了家，本就做了见不得人的事，更不好麻烦吵醒校工开门，只能翻墙而过。 不知道是不是她疑心生暗鬼，那校工再见到她，眼神就暧昧起来。事发之后，法院到叶莲子供事的小学校外调，校工说了什么谁也不知道，但叶莲子加入共产党的事从此搁浅。 早知如此，不如大学毕业时就与班级党支部书记进行“等价交换”，不就是上床？以后各奔东西，谁也见不到谁。耶就可以留在北京，不必在黄牙或口臭之间非此即彼，让地左右不是，无以筹吴为也不得不那样想，如果缄口不言，独自承受这份罪恶的折磨，虽然卑劣，却不能不说是另一比起她的坦诚带给母亲和女儿的苦难，缄口不言的卑劣、胆怯、自私又算得了什么？而且她承担的毕竟是她个人的、良心的审判，而不是三代人的全军覆灭。 4 如果不是几个月后的那场“文化大革命”，即便经过了法律程序，他们的日子还是可以凑合下如果许多事物不是在“文化大革命”中颠倒，像吴为与韩木林这样的人很难进入“主流社会”，顺便也挖掘出韩木林喜欢赶热闹的潜能。结果是韩木林莫名其妙地成为一个革命组织的小头目，“革命”、“进步”这样的字眼竟与他有了关联，真让他受宠若惊。这副重担激励着他，进步、进步、再拿什么作为与革命的见面礼？先砸了家里磨砂玻璃的花瓶再说。但磨砂玻璃花瓶怎能对得住革命的垂顾？看看周围的革命行动，只好背弃“原谅一切，既往不咎”的约定，到吴为单位贴了她的大字报，就像电影《英雄儿女》里的英雄王成那样“向我开炮”。 开炮之后，只好划清界限。 吴为和韩木林分居已久。分居后，韩木林与吴为展开了争夺禅月的拉锯战。韩木林最后将禅冬天，很冷。叶莲子一言不发地坐在火炉边，自韩木林把禅月劫走之后，她就这么坐着，不腌咸菜，不收拾屋子，不买菜，不做鞋子，不缝衣……要不是怕吴为饿着，恐怕连饭也不做。蒸的馒头不是碱大就是碱小，碱放对了也揉不开，馒头上老是点散着一块块黄褐色的碱块，焖米饭自然也是夹叶莲子的眼睛盯着炉子，屈伸着她那些纤细可是粗糙的手指，又在默数禅月被带走多少日子。 这时，她脸上什么东西都没有了，鼻子、眉毛、眼睛、嘴巴什么的，只剩下一脸的皱纹。 如果那时有人问吴为：母亲是什么？她一定回答说：母亲就是一脸的皱纹。吴为试图在脑子里描绘叶莲子的脸，怎么画都是那一脸的皱纹，其他部位全都画不出来。有时顶多画出她那双细长的眉，也是被烦心事折成了几道弯，而不是风平浪静的样子。 吴为像是蛮有城府地说：“妈，咱们不能显出着急的样子，那样韩木林就更用这个法子整咱们了。” 那时吴为成长了不少，以后她还将继续成长。在韩木林将禅月劫持之后，她立刻到托儿所，将掸月的卢口迁至她的名下，并将户口本藏匿到抄家行家也无法抄出的地方，以为这就可以将禅月留住，岂不知法律不会让一个道德败坏的女人得逞。“对，不应该显出着急的样子。”叶莲子伸直用来默数的手指，让它们平躺在膝头，却把计算放进了心里，到现在为止，掸月走了一个月零三天。 这时门嗵的一声开了。那个让她们想念得难以自处的小人儿，自己走了进来，那个死了的屋子眼看着就活了过来。“韩木林送你回来的吗？”“我自己。”禅月那个“我自己”还说得不大清楚，听起来是“我几几”。 “你怎么回来的？” “走走。”禅月不会坐公共汽车，也没有钱，只能走。 围巾在脖子上围着，帽子在头上戴着，口罩、手套、大衣，一样不少、一样没落，全副武装地回来了。 大衣放在箱子上。很高，禅月够不着。可是有一只大声袖子垂了下来，只要拉着这只袖子，大衣就会掉下来。帽子、围巾在什么地方？在床上。口罩、手套在什么地方？在大衣口袋里，禅月记得很清楚。 现在床上堆了很多大衣、帽子、围巾，她得从那堆衣物下把她的帽子围巾掏出来。禅月爬上床，把脑袋扎进那堆衣物，那些衣物很沉，拱起来非常吃力、她像只在雪地里刨食的小松鼠，吃力地刨着，累得呼哧呼哧鼻涕直流。总算抓住一块粉红色的东西，拉了一拉，是她的围巾，不是帽子，又继续往那堆衣物里拱。她得找到她的帽子，不论妈妈还是小姥姥，每次带她出门，这五件东西一样也不能少地给她穿戴整齐，怕她冻病。她一病，她们就急得天翻地覆，所以她不能病，她得找着她的帽子和围巾。“你干什么呢？”韩木林问。“玩儿藏猫猫呢。”禅月吓了一跳，赶快把脑袋从那堆衣物下缩回来，通红的小脸上全是细密的汗珠。 其实她不怕韩木林，小姥姥怕，妈妈也怕，她不怕。现在吓一跳，是怕韩木林发现她的秘密。 “方块儿七。”韩木林说。他没回头，忙着和一'伙儿人打扑克，“好好玩儿，别淘气。”又说。 韩木林不骂她也不打她，也不逼她按时睡觉，随她玩到什么时候。有时她玩得连衣服、鞋子都不脱就睡下了。要是她想吃花生，可以一直吃下去，连饭也不用吃；要是想吃蛋糕，也可以一直吃下去，连饭也不用吃。起床后、吃饭前，也不用洗手洗脸。 有好几次韩木林还给她酒喝，那些和他一起喝酒的人，各个拍手叫好。 要是她没让开水烫着，要是她没拉肚子，要是她没从楼梯上滚下来……只能说她运气好。 可她就是要回到妈妈和小姥姥那里去。幸亏韩木林背对着她。禅月继续在那堆衣物下找，终于找到了她的帽子，又把帽子戴在头上，这没有什么特别，不会惊动那伙儿打扑克的人。 现在只剩下把大衣从箱子上拽下来了。禅月用力一拉，大衣就从箱子上滑了下来。她也就势蹲下，以为韩木林一定又得大吼一声：“禅月，你干什么呢？”可是韩木林没有吼，他们正在算得分。她抱起大衣，打开房门之前又回头看了看打牌酌人，他们还在算分，在那张小桌子上，四个男男女女的头差不多顶在了一起。禅月轻轻打开房门，轻轻走了出去，又把门轻轻关上。她得把门关好，不能给韩木林留下一点异常的感觉。然后她到腾着小腿，迅速往楼下跑。跑到二楼楼梯拐角处，禅月才停下来围围巾，戴手套，戴口罩，穿大衣。 只有口罩戴不好，禅月扎不紧口罩的带子。她照小姥姥或妈妈的办法'扎了三次也不行，其他全如小姥姥或妈妈给她穿戴得那样服帖。这时鄂百灵阿姨突然走上楼来。禅月又吓了一跳，以为鄂百灵阿姨一定会问她：“禅月，你上哪儿去？不要自己瞎跑，我要告诉你爸爸去。” 要是鄂百灵阿姨这样问，她就没办法了。可是鄂百灵阿姨什么也没说、什么也没问就过去了，就像没看见她。 这时禅月还站在那里一动不动，等鄂百灵阿姨转上楼梯；看不见她了，她才跑起来，一口气跑到大街上。大街上的汽车、大街上的行人，比妈妈、小姥姥或韩木林带她上街时不但多了许多，也大了许多，而且好像全朝她开过来、走过来，这时她真有些害怕了。 她怕那些汽车，也怕那些人，想起了妈妈讲过的那个故事—— 有个不听妈妈话的孩子，自己偷偷跑到街上去玩，被玩杂耍的人骗走，玩杂耍的人在孩子身上披了一层狗皮，孩子就变成了一只玩杂耍的狗。过了很多年，孩子跟着玩杂耍的人回到家乡，在围观的人群中看到了妈妈，孩子大声叫着“妈妈，妈妈！”可是妈妈认不出他了，因为他已经变做一只狗。禅月为这故事哭得非常伤心，就是听“白雪公主”、“小红帽”那样的故事，也没有这样哭过。 禅月回头看了看韩木林住的那栋楼，不远，只要一转身，就可以从这条可怕的大街上回到那个安全的地方。 禅月第一次站在了十字路口，那时候她四岁。 只有四岁就作出了她的选择，她要去找妈妈和小姥姥。汽车一辆接一辆从她面前驶过，她不知道这些车到哪里去，韩木林和妈妈、小姥姥知道，她不知道。她也没有钱买汽车票，韩木林和妈妈、小姥姥有，她没有。 她只能走。沿着右边的人行道，一直往南走。韩木林多次骑自行车带她走过这条路，她记得很清楚。 现在走过了那座学校。学校放学了，学生们唧唧喳喳从学校里走出来，有个男孩子在她的头上敲了一理，说：“黑，小孩儿！”还青面獠牙地往她脸前一凑。 “你小孩儿！”禅月回嘴道。那男孩反倒一愣，不敢再捉弄她。 然后就到了十字路口，路口有拉粮、拉砖、拉木头的马车。禅月第一个认识的动物是猫，第二个认识的动物就是马，就是在这个路口认识的马。她第一会说的是“妈妈”，第二会说的是“大马”。 刚走到十字路口中间，从西边来了一辆拉水泥的大马车。 “站住——站住——”她听见有人嚷嚷。让谁站住？她不知道，她得赶快走，天快黑了。 大马突然就站在了她的跟前。大马很高、很大，禅月抬起头，只能看见大马的胸脯，听见大马生气地喷着鼻子。 “吱——”的一声，从东边来的一辆大卡车又停在了禅月的身旁。她就这样被挤在了大马和大卡车的中间，赶大车的老爷爷和开卡车的叔叔都在嚷：“这是谁的孩子？这是谁的孩子？”说着，他们就要跳下车来。 禅月不哭。她不能哭，一哭他们一定嚷嚷得更厉害了，只能一直往前跑，不敢回头地往前跑。她听见他们还在后面嚷嚷：“这是谁的孩子？要是让车轧了怎么整？谁的孩子？怎么让孩子闯红灯？”他们不能撵她，他们还得关照他们的车呢。好在那时的行人车辆比后来稀少许多，那个路口也比后来的农村还荒凉。禅月一直往前跑，跑得好累啁，累得脚丫于上都是汗。小朋友就是这样唱的：“那么好的天儿，下雪花儿，那么好的姑娘抠脚巴丫儿。”她真想把棉鞋脱了，晾晾她的脚巴丫儿。棉鞋是小姥姥做的，放了很多棉花。小姥姥一到冬天，就恨不得把她用棉花包起来，在妈妈没有成为作家之前，她们全都穿小姥姥做的鞋。等到禅月上小学，吴为才给她买了一双减价猪皮鞋，两只鞋还不是同一个号码，其中一只像是让热水烫抽巴了，鞋底往上拧着，幸好它们还是同一个颜色。妈妈虚荣地说：“不管怎么说，它是一双皮鞋。”妈妈最不甘心的是别的孩子都有的东西禅月却没有。无论如何她也得让禅月像别的孩子一样，好比那双猪皮鞋，好比这件棉大衣。 棉大衣是妈妈自己缝的，她们穿的衣服都是自己缝制，用手而不是用缝纫机，她们没有钱买缝纫机。大衣又长又大，现在就更沉了。妈妈说：“做大点儿，可以多穿几年。” 然后禅月来到火车道口，她不明白为什么所有的人、所有的车都停了下来，天快黑了，其实差不多就是黑了。因为房子里的灯亮了，路上的灯亮了，车上的灯也亮了。 她只好跟着停了下来，夹在人们的腿和车轱辘中间，挺着圆圆的小肚子，叉着两条小腿，与那些形形色色知道从哪里来、知道到哪里去的大人们一样站着，担心又会有人嚷嚷“这是谁的孩子？这是谁的孩子？”幸好这回没人嚷嚷。 不一会儿从东边开来一列火车，轰隆隆，轰隆隆，震得脚下地皮都颤颤。一节节车厢，像会走路的小房子，车厢里的灯光明亮，看上去又舒服又干净，有些人在说话，说的一定都是很有趣的话。 火车开过去后，又跟着人们一起向前拥，有一条腿绊住了她，她侧歪了一下，撞在另一条腿上，可是她没有摔倒。 等到看见胡同口卖豆浆油条的小铺，禅月就觉得不那么累了，等到又在胡同里看见虎子，她觉得一点也不累了。 她就这么回到了家，看到了她想念的小姥姥和妈妈，那时禅月只觉得这一趟经历挺好玩，并不懂得这是她与小姥姥和妈妈的一份缘。更不要说禅月渐渐长大、越来越懂得羞耻之后，知道自己有个多么不称职、多么丢人现眼的母亲。但她无怨无悔地伴着吴为，把自己的生命、尊严和吴为紧紧地贴在一起，不但用她的小手搀扶着吴为走过了最为艰难的荆棘之路，并勇敢地捍卫着她。 这样的女儿世上怕也难找。如果没有叶莲子那副老肩膀和禅月的这副小肩膀保护着吴为，为吴为分担那些凌辱的伤害，吴为怕是走不过这条路了。所以当韩木林委托朋友到学校看望禅月，对她说：“告诉你母亲，让她到我们家来玩儿，过去的事就让它过去，别不好意思。” 禅月才会不动声色地反问：“有什么不好意思的？” 她以此向那朋友，也等于向韩木林表示，她不是不明白吴为的过去，而是明白得一清二楚，因此，谁也别想再欺凌那个是人就能欺凌的吴为。 等到吴为成为作家之后，禅月反倒不再像从前吴为备受凌辱时那样，总是冲锋在前护卫着她，而是隐身在后。在大学读书时，有个同学问禅月：“听说作家吴为的女儿就在你们系读书？” 禅月脸上哪怕最敏感的肌肉，也不曾牵动丝毫，回答说：“不知道。” 直到大学毕业，也没几个同学知道，她是吴为的女儿。 知根知底的朋友有时就会说：“禅月是太心疼你了……要是枫丹也能谅解一点你的难处，不到处张扬是你的私生子就好了，她对这个人世的险恶也该有点了解啊！” “只要能抵消一点儿我对枫丹的罪过，不论她怎样待我，我都心甘。” 怎么能这样要求枫丹？ 社会给一个私生子的冷漠和歧视，恐怕得从枫丹出生一直纠缠到她这一生的结束了。吴为至少还有叶莲子和掸月的保护，枫丹呢？养父养母待枫丹不薄，但谁能顶替一脉血缘的牵系？ 谁又能为枫丹修复无父无母、独自漂流闯荡的创伤？ 枫丹又有什么义务继续承担这无由无根的尴尬？ 她能如此对待吴为，已经是对吴为极大的恩典了，吴为难道不该对她感激涕零吗？ 韩木林抄起一个方凳，一凳子把叶莲子砸昏在地。 叶莲子当然想不到在顾秋水之后，还有一个与她什么债权关系都说不上的男人，对她拳脚相加。 公寓里所有的门都紧闭着，门窗后，贴着公寓里所有的耳朵。 韩木林家里的架天天打，一打几年，持之以恒。 起先人们还拦一拦。一个女人被打成这个样子，总是可怜的。 后来人们就不拦了。人们先是从韩木林的咒骂里得知了吴为挨打的原因，而后又从街道居民大会上了解到全貌。 她们的家具不多，所以三人只能横睡在大床上。禅月睡当中。 牛夜里，禅月有时被叶莲子的哭声惊醒，有时被吴为的梦话惊醒。 开始禅月有些害怕，后来发现这对小姥姥和妈妈不但没有什么伤害，反倒和白日里窝窝囊囊的她们大不相同。好比叶莲子在梦中的哭叫，前半部透着由恐怖而生的绝望，后半部就变成了哭号和争辩，最后从绝望生出拼死一战的嘶号。而吴为在梦中却是胸有成竹，所向披靡。 慢慢地，掸月习惯了她们在梦中的生活，不声不响地躺在小姥姥和妈妈中间，静静听着，从不打搅。只是眼睛眨呀眨的，一心想着长大之后，怎么才能在梦里不哭不叫不争辩不说梦话，怎么才能让小姥姥和妈妈在梦中也不哭不叫不争辩不说梦话。 她又慢慢懂得，她们在梦里，才能有那么点随心所欲，那么点成功。 好不容易！ 屋子里还有三个窗户。一个窗户朝南，一个窗户朝西，一个窗户朝北。听风楼似的。 大床横在北窗下，西窗下冬天放煤炉，又取暖又做饭。到了夏天，煤炉就搬到屋外的南窗下。叶莲子搬，或者是吴为搬，那时叶莲子还搬得动这种老式的铸铁炉子。 小碗橱靠东墙放置，三个方凳各据碗橱一方。吃饭的时候，禅月跪在中间的方凳上，几岁的小人，如果坐在凳子上筷子就不够长，够不着饭莱。吴为和叶莲子或朝南坐，或朝北坐。韩木林抄起的方凳，就是这三个方凳中的一个。昏倒在地的叶莲子好像缩了水，突然变得那么小，那么老。她的白发披散下来，挡住了一只眼睛。血从额上流下，像皇上用朱笔在她脑门儿上批了一杠。禅月不怕韩木林打架，她只怕温暖的小姥姥永远这么小、这么老，闭着眼睛躺在地上起不来了。妈妈张着两条胳膊的样子很怪，像一只灰色的蛾子，翅膀歪斜地向小姥姥飞过去。 也许因为她的脸是歪斜的，从鼻子正中分开，一半脸看上去还是妈妈的脸，这个妈妈上班、下班，与小姥姥说着极其琐碎的事，抱着她亲亲热热……另一半脸随时抽搐着，抽着、抽着，就抽搐出各种令她恐怖的事。 比如抱着她钻了公共汽车的轱辘。 人们把她们从汽车底下拉出来的时候，好像不是为了救她们，而是为了揍她们一顿，汽车司机吓得嗓子都岔了，“你不想活别人还想活呢！”他说。 妈妈迷怔着双眼，好像睡着了。她迷怔着眼睛的样子真可怕，禅月紧紧搂着妈妈的脖子叫着：“妈——妈——”可妈妈就是醒不过来。 有人掰开妈妈两只死死扣着的手，把她从妈妈的怀里抱了过去，然后使劲拽着、摇着妈妈的两条胳膊，像要把她一撕两瓣…… 可是妈妈说：“没有，我没有睡着。” 没睡着那些事她为什么想不起来？直到最近妈妈才对她说：“噢一想起来了，你用两条小胳膊勒着我的脖子，可有劲儿了。那时候你几岁？两岁，对不对？”现在禅月五岁。 而后妈妈又来了一次跳楼未遂。 禅月不能相信妈妈。 没等妈妈扑到小姥姥身上，就被韩木林一个拳头撂到床上去了。他一迈腿又亡了床，两条腿一叉就骑在了妈妈身上，两只手掐着妈妈的脖子问道：“回不回去？回不回去？”