Chapter 33 Part II.7.2

The small, faded, pale red blood in Ye Lianzi's veins meanders down her face, the corners of her mouth, or her forehead.Her face was as pale as a dead face, motionless.What if I don't suffer like this?cry?Crying can make Gu Qiushui stop his fists?And that would only make her more embarrassing in front of Asu.Although she has failed miserably, she can no longer spoil herself.But this did not make Gu Qiushui feel pity.While continuing to punch and kick, he pulled her hair, turned her face hidden in his arms to him, and said to her face: "By the way, you are beautiful, but I just don't love you. She She's not pretty, she has pockmarks, I just love her. You can't take it, you can't take it, get out, why don't you get out?!"

Dai Wei was awakened, and her heart, which had not yet grown up, ached.This is not because she understands the deeper and more complex connotations hidden behind this extremely simple scene. She is just frightened by Ye Lianzi's miserable face, so Wu Wei's pain is material.Wu Wei had no choice but to bend down and put his two small hands around the aching heart.Even when Wu Wei was hit with a soldering iron, kicked, and slapped by Gu Qiushui thoughtlessly, she never felt such pain, because she couldn't stand on the sidelines and look at a strong man with cold eyes. The situation of bullying oneself.Now Wu Wei clearly sees the cruelty of a strong man to a weak man, and this man who was so cruelly hunted for food when he was hungry, protected her from the cold when he was cold, brought joy to her when he was lonely, and brought her joy when he was sick. The omnipotent mother who was running around to save her life... However, this omnipotent mother is now helpless to let Gu Qiushui punch and kick her.

Wu Wei cried violently.Her crying, which went beyond the normal crying of a child, showed the first signs of the hysteria that would follow, and which, at the end of her life, progressed into utter madness, so to speak. The violence against Ye Lianzi by Gu Qiushui, who wanted to be a superior person but never was a superior person, was just an insignificant and classic section between men and women, but Wu Wei stubbornly retained its destructive color and refused to fade away. , refused to give up.She never forgets to ask: Why did God create men and women with different physical strengths first, so that they have no room to fight back in the face of violence, and the only thing they can do is to bow their heads and obey their ears" Suffering", waiting to die in fear?

Who can change this flaw that was born by you?Answer me, God! Since then, Wu Wei has regarded violence against the unarmed and defenseless weak as the extreme of despicable and shameless human nature; to the extreme, even the extreme, extreme of men's meanness and cowardice, when they cannot face life directly.What's more, between Gu Qiushui's crotch, what is that extremely ugly thing that jumps around with him, punches and kicks, clatters, swings around, says whether it's red or not, purple or not? Wu Wei really couldn't figure it out, and finally attributed it to violence—since it followed Gu Qiushui's violence, it was naturally a part of that violence.

It's no wonder that later Wu Wei regards sex with men as grand, and must first cover up this engraved and extremely ugly image before entering the procedure of making love with men. I don't know how many women in the world have had this experience? How many women in the world have to overcome such a huge obstacle before having sex with the opposite sex? If the stairs that Wu Wei climbed at the age of two determined her servility and set the tone of her interpersonal relationships, then Gu Qiushui's violence against Ye Lianzi established her hatred for "violence", which can also be interpreted as her hatred for "violence". The superstition and worship of "violence" made her a "violent fetish" ever since.This boundary is actually difficult to distinguish. Hatred and superstition are often like two sides of the same coin.This is where the hopeless tone of her relationship with the man comes from.Gu Qiushui so freely planted and cultivated hatred, awe, and dependence on men in Wu Wei's soul, and this hatred, awe, and dependence thrived under the irrigation of her repeated failures in life.

Wu Wei, who has never read "Sun Tzu's Art of War", does not know where he learned this trick: instead of retaliating with an eye, he stands on top of men with a firm heart, dissects them, and examines them. Isn't this more thorough than revenge? revenge?No wonder she was as calm as an X-ray machine when she was making love to a man, and she was never fully engaged.It wasn't that she was so vicious in the first place.For a long time in her life, she never gave up her dream of looking for a man, hoping to rely on that man to overcome her fear of men, end her judgment on men, overthrow her prejudice against men, and become an old-fashioned woman or a normal woman. The dream of love, rather than the Electra complex that people usually understand, has fallen into desperation time and time again, and finally has to fall into the end of being incompatible with men and walking alone.

So when Wu Wei grew into a young girl, a situation of incompatibility between physiology and spirit also appeared.Her body began to yearn for men, but her spirit resisted and resisted men.For a period of time, her biological and physical desire for men defeated her spiritual judgment of men. Until she met Hu Bingchen, it can be regarded as a period of complete victory of her physical desire over spiritual judgment.And after Hu Bingchen intervened in this war, the lurking spiritual judgment began to rise again, and with more sophisticated and mature eyes, he looked down and judged the two men.

This kind of contest and decisive battle never stopped, until her spirit killed her physiology.But her victory is also the result of her failure, which may be an important reason why men are extremely disappointed in her and abandon her. The failed ending did not save Wu Weiyu from obsession, nor did it arouse her reflection or introspection.When Hu Bingchen, the highest model of a man in her mind, made her feel that she was not good enough, she actually scrapped all the men with this.Just imagine, if the highest example of a man is only mediocre, which man is worthy of "holding his hand and growing old with him"?From this, it is believed that Hu Bingchen completely destroyed her yearning for men, which is not only an injustice to Hu Bingchen, but also appeasement to herself.

Wu Wei has always believed that there is no such thing as easy to regenerate love, not even the weeds that "wild fires burn endlessly, and spring wind blows again" are not as easy to regenerate as love; A man pouring her a glass of water or helping her lift a heavy object may become the fuse for her to ignite love), and she can start over.However, when Hu Bingchen ended the 20-year-long entanglement with her, when she could face another man again, she lost the ability to taste men, and could no longer look at men from the perspective of the opposite sex. up.Whenever she saw a man, it was like seeing a table or a chair, even if it was a table or chair from the Ming Dynasty, at most she would say "Oh, what a table!" But she could never fall in love again.

To put it simply, she was raped by Hu Bingchen. When she realized this, she thought of the two extremely popular words "cruel".Now, what she needs as a lonely person is not love, but a kind of proof, which can prove to others and herself that she still has a little care for this world, not a snow wolf running on the wasteland under the bright moon. So her final conclusion was also very wrong—it was Hu Bingchen's overall disappointment with men that killed her material ability to love men and women and to be happy with each other. Her real enemy is actually Gu Qiushui. isn't it?

To sum up the relationship in all aspects of a person's life, there are only two clues: interpersonal and opposite sex, and Gu Qiushui's contribution and foreshadowing to Wu Wei in these two aspects, wouldn't it overturn her life? Why did Hu Bingchen think that her hatred for Gu Qiushui was due to Gu Qiushui's change of heart for Ye Lianzi?How superficial this understanding is, how superficial!Wu Wei expected Hu Bingchen in vain, and also regarded him as his confidant in vain! Don't Wu Wei have thousands of reasons for himself to hate Gu Qiushui who killed her since she was born? With every punch Gu Qiushui made, Wu Wei cried out sharply, "Mom!—" Her shrill cry hindered Gu Qiushui from venting, and made him more angry, so he grabbed Wu Wei's two little feet, lifted her up in the air, and raised his hands, Wu Wei was thrown to the cement outside the door. On the ground, she suddenly became silent. Ye Lianzi rushed to the door, hugged Wu Wei, and yelled sadly: "Nannan, Nannan!" Wu Wei was silent, with his eyes closed, and then Ye Lianzi shouted to Gu Qiushui: "Gu Qiushui! , are you still human? You threw the child to death!" Gu Qiushui also panicked, hugged Wu Wei, probed her breath, and said, "I'm still alive, but passed out." Up to now, Ye Lianzi's emotions, spirit, body, and life are all bitter.It is rare for ordinary people to occupy one thing, but she has everything, and if she searches from the inside out, can she still find a place that is not bitter?She couldn't find it anymore, she was soaked in suffering, but she still kept her mouth shut,——Shou. Ye Lianzi didn't know that her silent patience made Gu Qiushui even more annoyed.In fact, whether she endured it or not, it could be the reason for Gu Qiushui to rage.From Gu Qiushui's point of view, her speechlessness not only does not mean convincing, but is even another kind of resistance, so she ingeniously insisted that Ye Lianzi speak, even if it is moaning, resisting, or bleeding under fists and feet,—— During the day, Ye Lianzi actually let Ye Lianzi watch him having sex with Asu.It's not that Gu Qiushui is so shameless. His strategy for dealing with Ye Lianzi is the same as that of all men who want to divorce but can't get it right away. He can force the unrepentant opponent to dispel the illusion of dancing with them. Asu took off her clothes obediently, sat naked on the bed, and waited for Gu Qiushui to grab Ye Lianzi's hair, twist and break Ye Lianzi's head to look at her.Although Gu Qiushui loves Asu very much, Asu has no intention of being brave in front of Ye Lianzi, he just feels that as a servant, he never dreamed of being destined to be with such a man.This man doesn't have to work hard in the sun or in the wind and rain. He only needs to go in and out, write and talk, wear his clothes, leather shoes, adorn his head with oil, and smoke a pipe. Sometimes he can sit in a small sleeping car with Zou Keren, and Not forgetting her kindness in saving lives, and blatantly accepting her into the house, and even throwing aside the wife that Ming Media is marrying, what is it if this is not a blessing from her previous life?Naturally, she would do what Gu Qiushui said, as if Ye Lianzi would do what Gu Qiushui said. Ye Lianzi's head twisted and struggled in Gu Qiushui's pincer-like hands, and she refused to look at Asu's side.She finally broke free from the pliers, turned her face away, and a handful of hair naturally stayed in Gu Qiushui's hand, and then she took a bite out of Gu Qiushui's hand.So Gu Qiushui had even more reason to punch Ye Lianzi, he fought extraordinarily crazily, hitting wherever he was dying. With every punch and kick he made, Wu Wei squeezed his eyes tightly, as if the punch and kick fell on her body.She used two small hands to quickly plan the folded quilt, and stuck her head into the quilt like an ostrich. No, she could still see the horror of fists and feet falling on her mother through the quilt, and she slipped out of bed and hid behind the door, still not good. ... She looked around with her little teary eyes, where is a safe place? At this time, a warm and soft water flowed down her calf to the ground, knowing her intentions, knowing her roots, and knowing her pain and heat. Her almost collapsed fear seemed to be accompanied by this warm and soft water. flow away.She was so moved that she shuddered, and fell in love with this warm, soft, knowing, knowing, knowing pain and hot water flow. This is the reason why Wu Wei, who never wets his pants or bed since he was a child, will wet his pants and bed when he grows up, when faced with a mental breakdown or extreme fear.The "Water God Symphony" that she listened to in Tianjin when she was about three years old was also ringing in her ears at this time.First there is its prelude, the sound of slowly rising water, followed by the whimpering of the wind, the howling of the water, and the specious and intermittent crying, which converge into an increasingly stronger screaming cry, which is so real that it is about to She drowns.She felt suffocated again, and felt the tranquility before she died again... Under this background music, in the sound of Gu Qiushui's fists and feet landing on her dearest and dearest receptors, Wu Wei began to think: What is a father?If she is obedient, Gu Qiushui will beat her; if she is disobedient, Gu Qiushui will also beat her.After fighting like this, Wu Wei never understood why Gu Qiushui beat her.So she concluded that the thing called father was something that beat people every day.Hit her, or hit mom.I didn't know that this thing called Dad once loved the land. When I left Beiping, I shed tears because of leaving her. Gu Qiushui punched Ye Lianzi in the eyes, and Ye Lianzi staggered on the spot; then he raised his foot and kicked her on the waist, Ye Lianzi's bones cracked, as if broken somewhere No more standing upright and stumbling onto the cabinet.The cabinet made a loud noise and fell, and the contents inside were dumped all over the floor. Ye Lianzi followed and lay down on the lying cabinet. I wonder if there was something wrong with her neck. On the cabinet, blood bubbles bubbled out from the gap between the cabinet and the corner of her mouth, like a slow cooker.She said with her mouth gnawing on the cabinet: "Are you animals, doing this in front of children?" "It's a beast." Seeing Gu Qiushui grasping and waving his hands, Ye Lianzi was thrown out of the door before he could finish his sentence... Unexpectedly, beating someone would be so tiring, Gu Qiushui lit a cigarette and stopped to take a breath.While Gu Qiushui was resting, the broken Ye Lianzi restrained herself and ran downstairs.She kept running, running, running.The guns seemed to be still ringing, but she couldn't hear them; Someone seemed to be running in the street; but she couldn't see it; Wu Wei is still missing at home, but she can't remember... There is only one thought, to find a place where she can die peacefully.She doesn't want to live anymore, she really has lived enough. In this way, she ran and ran with bruises all over her body, until she reached the seaside that she had never been to before.There is no one on the endless beach, the old laughter and laughter that have been sucked by the tide and become blurred and tired, the colorful swimsuits, parasols, and swimsuits, the women and men swollen under the parasols all cast That's right, the war has eliminated all the appendages other than survival. Is it God's guidance?He probably felt too pity and sympathy for Ye Lianzi, that's why he brought her here. The sea is big and vast without any connection.Facing such vastness, Ye Lianzi felt that she was desperate.Small breaking waves splashed, beat and counted Ye Lianzi's not too long life. The days in the countryside, the days with her stepmother, the days after Gu Qiushui's farewell, the days when she worked as a babysitter in the Bao family and was flooded... became very clear.Where is the beginning of her disaster?Maybe it's not entirely Gu Qiushui's responsibility; if Mo He was alive, she wouldn't have suffered so much from being dependent on others, and she would have grown into a person who dared to resist and fight, and would not rush to grab Gu Qiushui, Yitu left her stepmother's house... She wandered in this winter, the eclipsed seaside of Hong Kong, until Hong Kong sank into the night again. Why not leave this cruel, unfair world to her?She suddenly thought. She walked to the depths of the dark sea.Wave after wave, the ice-cold sea waves issued bursts of fine and dull spells, climbing and wrapping around her body like a snake.She gave up struggling, and followed the climbing, entanglement, east and west, up and down, and flew on the edge of decline. She remembered, understood, and regretted it... No wonder her brothers and sisters only love this colorful world. After a hasty glance, he willingly gave up this world that had already stepped on people, and turned around and left. No wonder that during the typhoid fever in childhood, Youdong in the sky said to her, "Come back!" But she replied, "No, to her who refused to turn back, the expert continued to give advice: "...you are not suffering yet." Son.You have to listen carefully to the following words: Going forward, there will be dire hardships, guns and bullets, wars and displacement, poverty and loss of home, living under the fence, and being abandoned..." He also took her to a river, and she But he broke free and stayed on the bank of the river... Naturally, a cannon shot broke the spell of the sea that climbed like a snake and entangled her body. It turned out that she was still in this ruthless world. The sound of the cannon reminded her that there was another life more powerless and helpless than her who was abandoned in this ruthless world, especially the scene where Wu Wei was knocked off the bed by the blast of the bomb, which made Ye Ye feel sad whenever he thought about it. Lianzi was frightened - she didn't know how to call for help, she didn't know how to escape, and she didn't know that another bomb might not just fall from the bed... There was also the dangerous situation where Gu Qiushui lifted Wu Wei's calf and knocked Wu Wei out of breath with a single swing of his hands.He was standing by and guarding Gu Qiushui and still treated the child like this. If she died, how would Gu Qiushui treat her? She has already suffered from not having a mother, and she can no longer make Wu Wei into another self. The guns rang out more intensely, and Ye Lianzi braved the fire again and ran home quickly. From a distance, she saw a small black shadow under the pillar of the building, and when she approached, it was Wu Wei—like an abandoned one. Kittens and puppies, curled up in the roar of guns and explosions, except for the little sweater she wore in the morning, Ran Cui had other clothes to keep out the cold. Ye Lianzi hugged Wu Wei into her cold embrace, thinking guiltily, no matter how hard it is in the future, she can't leave Wu Wei behind, and she will die.Wu Wei has been sitting in the dark for a long time.For four-year-old Wu Wei, darkness is neither scary nor abominable, but to her, darkness is an open book.When the darkness gradually enveloped the earth, she began to read the darkness with great interest, not only with great endurance, but also read the light in the darkness. It wasn't until Ye Lianzi hugged her into his arms that Wu Wei scribbled and reluctantly turned his obstinate face, as if he knew that Ye Lianzi would come back.She smiled tacitly at Ye Lianzi.There is a bit of premature sadness, suddenness, and resignation in this smile.Then the chuckle was stopped by guilt again, as if it was not the world but her that had treated Ye Lianzi unfairly, and she felt guilty for this injustice; then she let out a slightly sad sigh, which made the four-year-old Wu Wei in Some aspects have a mature meaning. Reading about the darkness was really tiring for her, she sighed and gave up, tilted her head and fell asleep.It's like closing a book that you haven't finished reading and don't plan to read again just yet.This reading will not be continued on the Loess Plateau until several years later.It should be said that her love for reading has already laid the groundwork at this time, so it is no wonder that she is familiar with it. At the end of January, Gu Qiushui sent Zou Keren's family away. It's not that Gu Qiushui doesn't want to leave this war-torn land, but he doesn't have enough money except for two bags of rice, and what he needs is three boat tickets.He can only bravely say that the club needs someone to take care of it. Zou Keren left one hundred yuan for Gu Qiushui, and when he was about to board the ship, he entrusted him with both public and private matters: "I thought about it, it's better if you stay for a short-term care, and there is no one more suitable than you." I'm dead." Gu Qiushui said broadly, "You can rest assured that I'm here." Mrs. Zou said: "We have been together for so many years, and we don't know this? There is no one as enthusiastic and reliable as you." Gu Qiushui smiled coldly in his heart, why did he leave me a hundred dollars for being so sincere and reliable?Don't think about the unprecedented food shortage in Hong Kong. What is the price of a catty of rice? Zou Keren also said: "No matter what the current situation is, let's all get together in Guilin in the end. The CCP rescued the democrats, patriots and cultural figures trapped in Hong Kong, and almost all of them were concentrated in Guilin; since all forces have been withdrawn to Guangxi, they will It is easy to carry out our work." Not long after, the Governor of Hong Kong hung a white flag to the Japanese, and the arrogant Japanese searched for the anti-Japanese people everywhere. Gu Qiushui, who was well-known in the resistance movement, was in danger. He had to leave Hong Kong, but the travel expenses How to plan?He really hated Ye Lianzi to death, but he couldn't leave their mother and daughter alone, so he could only increase the torture.Abusing and beating Ye Lianzi to vent her personal hatred.After returning from the beach, Ye Lianzi never tried to seek death again. The only thing that made her heartbroken was Gu Qiushui's words: "If you didn't come to Hong Kong to drag me down, I would have left by myself. Remember, I If you die at the hands of the Japanese, it will be your fault!" At this moment of helplessness, Asu took out two gold bracelets and a few gold rings, and said: "This is my savings from working as a maid in Hong Kong for many years. Let's buy a boat ticket and go to the mainland. We can't stay here any longer." .” Gu Qiushui is definitely not a handsome man, and he has no power or power, but he has been taken care of by women all his life, so what is it if he is not born to eat women's lives? Holding that bit of gold, he held Asu's heart generously, and his own heart immediately became unbearably hot, and he naturally recalled all the feelings that Asu had saved him from when he was in trouble.Asu is his guardian angel, saving him in times of crisis time and time again.This time not only saved his life, but also saved the lives of his family. In contrast, what does Ye Lianzi mean to him?It's just a woman, and a woman who doesn't please men.What is strange about women is everywhere. With tears in his eyes, he said to Asu: "Forget it, I borrowed it from you, and I will definitely pay you back when I have the money." Then he negotiated with Ye Lianzi openly: "Hong Kong can't stay any longer. If I stay any longer, I may be decapitated one day, so I have to borrow money and pool money to go back to the mainland. I will take Asu with me no matter what." , You think about it, if you want, the four of us will go together; if you don't want, you mother and daughter will stay in Hong Kong, and Asu and I will go." Ye Lianzi didn't have to think about it.If she has another way out, she can still think about where to go. She has only one way now, and she must go to the dark. Compared with some men, Gu Qiushui is still somewhat civilized after all, and he can negotiate with Ye Lianzi in advance, don't mean to let Ye Lianzi "think it over" without warning, and change some other men, and he may even abandon them just go. On the other hand, whether Ye Lianzi's fate will be good or bad in the future, it will be her own fault. Gu Qiushui didn't mention Asu's generosity to Ye Lianzi, he was ashamed, it's too embarrassing for a dignified northeast man to spend a woman's money. Ye Lianzi didn't know anything about this inside story, and thought that Gu Qiushui loved Asu in every possible way, and felt that she was inferior to a pig and a dog. After the occupation of Hong Kong, water, electricity, and food were in short supply. They took advantage of the Japanese solution to the water, electricity, and food shortages in Hong Kong by driving away refugees; they fled Hong Kong in early February 1942. First take a small boat to Guangzhou Bay and stay in a small hotel for a few days. It is unsafe because robbers often come and go along the way. People walk on foot.It was really a turbid flow of people, which was very different from Hong Kong, where singing and dancing were peaceful. People try their best to cover up their real faces, but from the color of their skin, their walking, and their manners, you can still tell what kind of restaurant they ate in Hong Kong, and which store they bought their clothes, shoes and hats... Gu Qiushui I just thought, do the Japanese really not see it, or give them a way out? Walking, walking, I can't walk anymore.Wu Wei was too young and was always held by Ye Lianzi. Ye Lianzi was already weak and didn't dare to let Gu Qiushui do it for him, so she had to hold Wu Wei and struggle forward step by step, and she fell behind everyone. Who can wait for her!Death is measured by footsteps at this time, every step you take fast, you will be safe one step earlier. Not only Ye Lianzi's feet are full of blood blisters, even a person like Gu Qiushui who was born in the army also has small blood blisters on his feet.Fortunately, Asu was born in Guangdong and has been walking barefoot since she was a child. The test of her feet has never been difficult for her. Gu Qiushui had no choice but to hire a sliding pole so that Ye Lianzi, who was holding Wu Wei, could sit while he and Asu walked. After walking for a few days, Gu Qiushui couldn't stand it any longer, so he and Ye Lianzi would change rides on the sliding pole from time to time.Asu and Ye Lianzi walked on both sides of the slider, as if they were under the same roof, trying not to look at each other or talk to anyone. Sitting on the sliding pole, Gu Qiushui thought, Asu paid for his travel expenses, but he and Ye Lianzi took turns riding on the sliding pole, what would Asu think?But he couldn't stop sitting, his feet hurt so much that he wanted to throw them off. Gu Qiushui, like most men, has a conscience with no more and no less, and often feels that it is difficult to have both between his wife and his lover: how can I not feel that I owe that when I hold this in my arms?How can I make myself not feel indebted to this when I sleep with that? ...he can't have it both ways.Since I can't have both, I feel a little ashamed.Because he was on the road, and there was no chance or occasion for him to appease Asu, there was no way to resolve the embarrassment. So it was only natural for him to vent his anger on Ye Lianzi and Wu Wei.If it weren't for the burden of their mother and daughter, even if he sat on the slider from beginning to end, he might not necessarily have the doubled guilt towards Asu.So they kept finding fault, scolding Ye Lianzi and beating Wu Wei, until Wu Wei kept crying all the way. Those who fled along the way all hated this crying little girl, and she made their upset mood even more upset. Several times Gu Qiushui said to Asu: "Asu, come and sit for a while." Asu shook his head lightly and said, "You sit down. Gu Qiushui won't give way anymore. There is an incomparable tacit understanding in the short conversation, without hugging or hugging, it is enough to distinguish closeness. Ye Lianzi felt sad again, Gu Qiushui not only stopped talking to her in this tone, he didn't even talk to her anymore.Ye Lianzi walked on Hua Yu's side, gritted her teeth and hated that she couldn't just turn around and walk away from this humiliation.Asu thought on the side of the sliding pole, considering her status, how could anyone let Gu Qiushui walk and sit on the sliding pole?Who is she?She is just a servant girl, and now that Gu Qiushui can put her above Ye Lianzi, she is already satisfied.Ye Lianzi can sit on the pole for a while, she is holding Wu Wei, Wu Wei is Gu Qiushui's flesh and blood after all.Asu likes children, but after spending so many days with Gu Qiushui, she couldn't have one.If he could give birth to a son by himself, his whole life would be perfect, if not perfect. 2 Finally arrived in Guilin. After arriving in Guilin, Gu Qiushui's family was finally able to live in a separate room.Ye Lianzi also had a place to hide from Gu Qiushui like a mouse hiding from a cat. Apart from doing housework, she hid in her room all day and did not dare to show her face. Every word and action depended on Gu Qiushui's face.Naturally, Gu Qiushui could no longer hear her nightmare, and there was no reason to provoke him for a while, which made him a little disappointed. But he always finds new reasons, and they come quickly. For example, the work is not going well, being looked down upon by others, and having no source of income... After arriving in Guilin, Jin Bongru also had a lot more troubles than in Hong Kong, and simple things became complicated.I don't know if it's because of this reason, but the relationship between him and Gu Qiushui is more harmonious than when he was in Hong Kong. In addition to a group of local cultural figures, Guilin also gathered progressive cultural figures who escaped from Hong Kong and transferred from Shanghai or Chongqing.The Kuomintang is mixed in the sphere of influence of the Communist Party, and the Communist Party is mixed in the sphere of influence of the Kuomintang. Only the democratic parties do not mix in the sphere of influence of the Communist Party or the Kuomintang.But the democratic party has more colors, not only the Communist Party is interested in it, the Kuomintang is also interested in it. Although Guilin belonged to the sphere of influence of Li Zongren and Bai Chongxi, the warlords of the Guangxi clique, and Li Jishen was also in Guilin at the time, but due to some conflicts with Chiang Kai-shek, the attitude of the War of Resistance was relatively positive, and the political atmosphere was relatively relaxed. Perhaps because the political atmosphere is relatively relaxed, the fierce battle between various factions and various cultural forces is not inferior to the Anti-Japanese War ahead. Leader... No wonder some people say that cultural people are a lowly breed and should not be relaxed. The so-called progressive cultural people are nothing more than empty talk in the Qixingyan Teahouse in Taoyuan, the Hunan Restaurant, or the beautiful Sichuan restaurant.Most of them wore a white canvas suit, a French cap, and a cane. Even Gu Qiushui went to the consignment shop and bought a white canvas suit to wear.Ye Lianzi always carried this canvas suit with her, and even if she was unemployed and starving, she never gave it to a pawn shop. After 1949, Wu Wei remade it into a schoolbag, on which thousands of red flowers were embroidered with woolen ends.Jin Fengru suddenly had a lot of immediate bosses, and everyone wanted to command him, he thought angrily, but because he worked in the democratic party.What Jin Bongru disliked the most was a person known as a poet. No one could tell what poems this poet had written.He suddenly called everyone together to analyze the situation, weigh the gains and losses, and agree on countermeasures, as if the situation of the Japanese, the Kuomintang, and the Communist Party was in his pocket; He regards himself as a key figure in the life and death of the cultural world, not only in charge of major events in the cultural world, but also reporting to him whoever invites someone to dinner, and whoever has a fever and diarrhea.If a dinner party forgot about him, he would probably go out in person and go to the dinner party to give some pointers; check newspapers and magazines every day, if the headline is not him, then that newspaper and magazine will never say that there will be no peace, at least there will be no peace for a while There are peaceful days. There is also a literary theorist who gathers under his command several female artists who have been abandoned by men all the time and write with "body writing" or "revolution plus love" as their theme. 'They focus on the application of political means. They can not only make someone who listens to the "greeting" popular, but also kill someone who doesn't listen to the "greeting". Naturally, it is in the name of revolution.As for the cultural people who gathered under the poet's command, they either rejected or blocked them; sometimes accused a certain person of being a spy, and sometimes characterized a certain person as a KMT spy, causing panic, mutual suspicion, and mutual distrust. Based on his rare experience in Yan'an, Gu Qiushui accurately judged that the literary theorist seemed to have more background, so he followed closely.Literary and art theorists naturally recommend Gu Qiushui's manuscripts to some newspapers, and he writes some small articles in "Li Bao", which aims to persist in resistance against Japan, unity, and progress, and earn some manuscript fees for a living. He was thrown in Hong Kong before he found a place to eat; it was the same as winning a small amount of money from gambling to make a living.Yi Qiushui has never had a proper job or a formal income in his life. He may have had the desire to be a writer, but he is flashy, unable to bear hardships, and unable to settle down.At that time, prices in Guilin were extremely high and supplies were in short supply. Even Zou Keren sold an emerald "Mao Zheng" on his father's hat for 200,000 yuan to tide over the difficulties.The life of Gu Qiushui's family is even more difficult, and they barely have a meal.Occasionally eat: a meal of dried beans and rice, and a cold cucumber, Wu Wei felt very good, always said to Ye Lianzi: "Mom, I want to eat dried beans and rice." Not to mention how embarrassing Gu Qiushui's situation is.Zou Keren used him when it should be used, and ignored him when it was useless, but he still followed Zou Keren shamelessly.What should I do if I am not shameless?Does he have shameless capital?Although he doesn't have any political or material capital, he still has a small ambition to be in politics, so he has to swallow his anger, endure hardships, run around, and only hope that one day Zou Keren will gain power, and he will be able to rise and benefit from it.The result of the competition between the two overlords ended with the escape of the poet.An aunt who was born as a student and a warlord of the Guangxi clan heard the poet recite during a cultural event. The love poem made the aunt burst into tears. In her opinion, the love poem had merged with the tall, burly and cynical poet.Their love is like a popular novel that flooded Guilin for a while, and it is even more like Zhang Henshui's long-written one. Gu Qiushui said to Jin Fengru: "I don't understand, don't they all believe in communism? Why do they still control each other, exclude each other, and deny each other?" Jin Fengru did not answer, Gu Qiushui's words are not conducive to unity But Jin Fengru didn't object, it's better to say that Gu Qiushui's words expressed his thoughts that he was inconvenient to say.It is true that Kim Bong-ru is disgusted by both poets and literary theorists, but they all seem to be able to command him.After 1949, poets reappeared out of nowhere, but they seemed to have lost their vitality, and were constantly being repaired by literary theorists in various names.文艺理论家却在文化界一直担任着重要职务，直到一九六六年那场“大革文化命”的政治运动中才轰然倒下，从此从文化领域退隐，并与诗人成为无所不谈的莫逆，人们常常可以在各种过气的文化活动中看到他们的身影。当然，人们也不再提起桂林的往事，好像忘记了，也好像与旧生活一起埋葬了。 于是金奉女埘而到顾秋水家里坐坐，时而与顾秋水到哪个咖啡店喝杯咖啡，也就与叶莲子熟悉起来。到了晚年，每每看到二十世纪末文化人的一出出闹剧，金奉如总是笑笑：过了几十年，怎么没有一点儿翻新的玩意儿？他们自己不腻烦，看的人可早就腻烦了。 邹可仁不是吴为，一碗小豆大米干饭就能交代。 穷则思变。他让顾秋水设法再回香港一趟，因为有一部分党的经费和他个人的财产还存在华比银行的保险库里，不论从组织的活动还是个人生活来说，都需要这些钱。 回香港意味着什么？不用说也能知道，否则人们为什么千方百计逃离香港！ 顾秋水能拒绝吗？ 那要首先问问：他有钱吗？有地吗？有一技之长吗？杀过人、放过火吗？……除了命，一样也没有，所以只好卖命。从一个小兵爬到现在，靠的就是替他人卖命。为人卖命可不就是他的职业？能活着就是白捡的便宜，当然不死最好。 卖命的职业，为他锻炼出足够的冒脸经验——先回到不久前通过的广州湾，再搭船去澳门，通过一位“洪门”老先生找到走私贩子，与三十多名乘客黑夜里搭乘走私贩子的木船偷渡过海峡，在九龙后山一带登陆。刚登陆就被埋伏在那里的一批持枪烂仔拦劫，乘客们的财物全被搜掠一空，顾秋水只好步行经元朗、乘公共汽车到九龙街里，途中还通过了日本人的一个哨卡和一个防疫卡，注射防疫针后才被放行。在九龙弥顿道一个东北同乡开设的饭店落下脚，又过海到香港。在朋友的空房子里住下后，顾秋水发了愁：千辛万苦到了香港，却不知能否替邹可仁取出存放在银行里的财物，因为邹可仁给他挂在脖子上的印章让烂仔抢走了。他到银行，交出邹可仁的英文签名信，没想到华比银行经理并不在乎印章，只认可邹可仁的英文签名，很快就把邹可仁存放，在保险箱里的财物交给了顾秋水。金条、金元宝、金项链、金戒指、金锁、金片、钻石，宝石镶嵌的首饰以及现金若干，连同邹可仁夫妇的四箱子衣物，顾秋水把它们一起运回了桂林。应该说顾秋水还算干过一些实事，比如说与朋友一起探望过住在建干路、被国民党软禁的叶挺将军，返回路上还游了桂王坟，吃了一顿野餐，边吃边讨论了抗日倒蒋的问题。 在桂林还遇到延安抗大的一个同学。顾秋水不使打操这个同学为何没有紧跟延安人马却辗转来到桂林，也许像他们一样“有道则现，无道则隐”？也许另有任务打人国民党或民主党派？经这同学介绍，他认识了蒋介石桂林某空军航空大队的几个驾驶员。小伙子们都很精神，很帅气，一律美式皮夹克，又是东北同乡，顾秋水就把他们介绍给了邹可仁，成为邹家的座上宾。于是邹可仁就有了策动他们驾机起义、营救张学良将军的想法。因为看守张学良将军的卫队，除副官一人是特务之外，那一连多人都可以做工作。他们还真的和张学良将军联系上了，但是张学良将军说：“不，我这个人一辈子光明磊落，死也要死得光明正大。” 人没救成，邹太太却爱上了其中一位飞行员。 一九四三年六月，作为李济深的特使，顾秋水还曾到北平、天津敌占区活动。中心工作是争取华北、东北的伪军，认清前途，脱离伪政权，不要投靠蒋介石，策动他们先搞地方独立，然后以李济深为盟主，联合各方实力，组织新的抗日集团，进一步组织抗日民主政府。因为当时李济深的实力很强，想取蒋而代，所以极力联络东北军，而邹可仁他们当时的策略也是“倒蒋拥李”，可以说——拍即合。说起来大家都是反蒋，其实各有各的算盘，所以顾秋水出生人死的华北之行，什么问题也没解决。 而且邹可仁只给他带了很少的钱，连回程车票都买不起，只好让邹可仁再寄。他不得不在一个小城等了半个月，才收到回程旅费。 当顾秋水通过这条号称“死亡之旅”的封锁线时，只知道抱怨邹可仁将这样危险而徒劳的任务给了他，却没有为两年前叶莲子带着吴为穿过同一条封锁线到香港找他的危险艰难，闪回过一丝同情。 此外，他们，也就是顾秋水在桂林的工作，乏善可陈。 3 叶莲子和阿苏既不过话也不吵架，也从未诉说过这种生带给她的痛苦，即便常常作为顾秋水练拳练脚的靶子，照旧一个不出声音，整天半合着眼睛，似乎连睁开眼睛的力气都没有了，像是一心一意想着什么而又什么都没想的样子，很难得见眼珠灵活一转之间的闪光了。 只有吴为非常没出息，在顾秋水的拳脚下总要发出鬼哭狼嚎的曲调，使耐受力十分强的叶莲子也感到了承受的极限。 阿苏也时起烦恼，知道顾秋水现出这样的兽相是为了她，心里便渐渐有了负担，可又下不了决心一走了之，她舍不得顾秋水。再说她又孤注一掷地把一切押给了他，只好昧着良心混下去。 顾秋水有时也思量这三个人的日子，认为自己并没有安心坑害这两个女人，眼下的情况是环境造成的。说了归齐，他干了什么伤天害理的事吗？顶多是娶个小，或安两十家，或三个人一起过，如此而已。叶莲子为什么想不开？瞧她那个哭丧脸！也许这本来就是逢场作戏，都是临时的事，所谓“乱世男女，聚散如水”，将来给阿苏找个工作送她走就完了，时间一长，什么都会过去。 要是阿苏知道顾秋水这一番思量会怎么想？人财两空的她又怎么活下去？吴为几乎一天来一次鬼哭狼嚎，这让叶莲子反省到，孩子没有艾务为这个婚姻承受她不应承受的暴力。再说桂林终究不是香港，语言不再是她工作的障碍，便恳请金奉如帮她在柳州找了一份小学教员的工作，带着吴为出外谋生。 这不是叶莲子和吴为的第一次合作，还在香港时，她们就组成过一个比之革命党人的战斗性、吃苦耐劳性也不差的小分队。与和顾秋水一起生活的日子相比，叶莲子出走柳州的感觉无法评估，对吴为来说绝对是翻身得解放。 柳州有柳江，江上有桥横跨南北。因叶莲子就职的小学在桥南，她们也就租住在桥南河沿东侧一户人家的阁楼上，距学校不算太近。远近的问题只能从房租考虑。 阁楼上只住着叶莲子和吴为。到了夏天，柳州的阁楼就是一个烤箱，但凡有一点钱的人谁愿意把自己放进烤箱？ 除了常常要跑警报，似乎没有什么可抱怨的。 防空洞却在柳江之北。日本飞机像一个忠实的、夜夜归家的丈夫，而不是那种“不回家的人”越是晚上，空袭警报越多。架在柳江上的柳州桥，成了叶莲子和吴为往返跨越最多的一座桥。 其实警报第一次拉响她们就动身了，可日本飞机总是不等她们通过那座桥就飞临上空，有时她们甚至还在桥的这一方。越是在不该闹的时候偏偏闹得鸡飞狗跳、人仰马翻，让叶莲子觉得没有指望的呆为，在该哭、该闹的非常情况下反倒安静起来，甚至比有些成年人还冷静，让叶莲子十分意外。这可能得益于她在“家乱”中的历练，那真是一种全方位的训练。比之顾秋水制造的“家乱”，“战乱”又有什：么可怕的？飞机当空时，不用叶莲子说，吴为就会比叶莲子更迅速地扑倒在路边的草丛里，躺倒之前还不忘记拉叶莲子一把。她侧着头，静静注视着天上的飞机和探照灯交错的光柱，看着轰炸机排成整齐的队伍，三架一组，游戏似的忽上忽下、时远时近，而探照灯的光柱在夜空中忽聚忽散，交织成一组又一组网状图案。 有一次，她们正挤在桥上，“兴致勃勃”地向对岸奔跑，日本飞机就到了头上。一枚枚炸弹目的明确地向柳江桥扔了下来，叶莲子扛起吴为，在沉默的人流里，人贴人、人挤入地奔着。 落进江里的炸弹，冲击出巨大的水浪和一股股水的飞柱，桥身颠簸起伏得像是一条任人随意抛上抛下的链条，随时都有断裂的可能。冲向空中的水柱，断裂后又劈打下来，淋湿了她们全身。老桥早就被炸断了，供人们逃亡的这座桥是新架的简易桥，桥身很低，两边没有栏杆。有人掉进了柳江，所幸她们还在桥上没头没脑地跑着。跑，似乎成了她们的惟一目的，从未想过炸弹已然在头上开花还有什么可跑，对岸的防空洞还有什么意义。 不知什么东西燃烧起来，一桩桩火柱突然竖立在桥的四周，火焰和火星在桥旁、在江中，如暗红钓菊花，一朵朵绚丽绽开。 就像家乡人说的那样，叶莲子真是命大，密密麻麻的炸弹，有些即便紧擦桥身而下，却竟没有一个扔在桥上。 如果不是那场火灾，她们可能就这样虽然担惊受怕，但可不再受制于顾秋水地过下去。 那天睡到半夜，“砰——”的一声巨响，接着就浓烟四起，空气里弥漫着各种物体燃烧的气味；接着就是木头，而且是不饱满的木头哗哗剥剥燃烧的欢叫。起初叶莲子以为又是日本人的空袭，炸弹命中了这栋小楼，便一把抓起吴为，往楼梯口跑去。这时细弱的火苗已钻过楼梯的每一条缝隙，一旦钻过缝隙，便多姿多彩地蓬勃起来——叶莲子这才知道是失火了。 同时也明白了，她们被困阁楼。可她没有呼救，此时此刻谁能听见阁楼上的呼救？即便听见谁又能来救她们？ 尽管火苗从楼下而来，可她们只有冲到楼下这一条活路，这真有点像她在生活里的位置。没有办法，只有抱起吴为，迎着火苗往下冲。 下到最后一级楼梯，发现进出一楼与阁楼之间的门被房东锁死，她和吴为是无望从大门逃生，只好烧死在阁楼上了。 她倒不是十分悲伤，谁说这不是一种恩惠！可是吴为呢？ ! 又反身往阁楼上跑去，细弱的火苗瞬间就发展壮大为火焰，几乎贴着她们的脊背追撵着她们。 返回阁楼还是投有出路，下意识地冲上阳台，这才看见大火如一条巨龙，在整条街上斜里、横里，恣意地蜿蜒、窜动，所到之处立刻火焰腾起，这一处火焰与那一处火焰首尾相连，十分壮观。 再往楼下一看，天井像一口被包围在火焰中的“黑井”，可这也是她们逃离阁楼的惟一通道。 叶莲子不知哪儿来的爆发力，三把两把就把阳台上糟朽的栏杆拽下来，然后把吴为往下层屋顶上一扔。就像后来的武打片那样，吴为安稳地飞身落下，又在那屋顶上不惊不慌地飘然站定。 不知什么动力驱使，叶莲子回身冲进阁楼。进了阁楼才明白，她是要抢救那点可怜的家当，至少得把抽屉里那点钱抢出。在她一片混乱的脑子里，这个念头似乎比死亡的危险更固执地纠缠着她。连她自己也不知道，她之所以将生命置之度外去抢救所谓的钱财，不过是以此验证一下顾秋水。好像另一个理智得不像是她的脑子的脑子告诉她，在生命攸关的时刻，那个叫做丈夫的男人是、不能靠的。这个理智得不像是她的脑子的脑子，只在非常条件下才会出来工作。 五岁左右的吴为没有死守在那屋顶上，而是随意走动起来，是寻求一条活路，还是好奇，还是对危险的不解？ 柳州的房瓦像是又薄又脆的炸薯片。她那双小腿有多少力量？可她轻轻一踩，就把那些瓦片踩裂了。赤裸的小腿小脚陷进瓦碴儿，碎裂的瓦片却像刀子般锋利，毫不怜惜地将她的小皮小肉划破。血滴如一滴滴红色的泪珠从腿上渗出，汇成一条条细流，顺着小腿蜿蜒而下、纵横交错，真是一张白纸上好画最美丽的图画。 她向东而行，迎面碰上一堵吸盘似的火墙。对于这个操蛋的人生，她也许比死不改悔的叶莲子悟性更高，也许冥冥中有人指点一进入那火墙其实正是脱离苦海之道，所以不知后退，继续前行。可是一头扎进阁楼以生命来验证顾秋水的叶莲子，却还有一份神经如雷达般跟踪着吴为。她的血在吴为的血管里喊了起来：“站住，站住。赶快离开！”吴为站住，折回来又往西走。西面的火坑如盛开的血色玫瑰，暗色的花蕊中央，应许了多少她那不长的生命不曾见识过的、暧昧的欢快。在这关键时刻，叶莲子又启动了那个制动闸。 不论东、西，都可以让吴为葬身无地。可她并没有尿裤子，不但不恐惧，还与火焰镇定地对视，眼睁睁地看着火焰热烈狂放，一路扫荡过来，所到之处是燃烧的热情和热情燃烧后的灰烬。或许她的灵性感知超过了肉体感知，就在这一刻，她接受了烈焰的教唆，日后她异常奔放的热情和直至化为灰烬方才善罢甘休的作派，可能与亲历这场弥天大火有关。 她的悲观主义也可能始自烈焰与灰烬的反差，烈焰断裂后的挣扎、惨淡、冷寂，如逆风中二支摇曳的烛，以生命之无定又让她心生悱侧。 这烈焰又似乎是为孤零人生进行的一次洗礼。经过这样的洗礼之后，吴为的人生是注定孤零了。不过两三分钟时间，阁楼已是满室浓烟，什么也看不见了。火苗从地板四周和一条条地板缝里蹿了上来，每条地板缝里都是一溜火苗，每条地板都像是镶了一条火边。 平时穷得要什么没什么，可现在叶莲子却觉得富有得不得了。她只有两只手，不知取哪一样为好，哪二样都是她们母女生活的必需。 此时叶莲子心慌意乱的程度，并不亚于刚才往楼下逃命时碰到门上那把锁。 她偏偏忘记了抽屉里的那点钱。她盲目地抱起一条被子就往外跑，跑出房门才想起抽屉里的那点钱，又连忙折回阁楼。她的前脚刚刚抬起，正要踏进阁楼，火焰伸出舌头轻轻一舔，整个楼面就被舔得无影无踪了。 当叶莲子一脚悬空，身体前倾，眼看就要掉人火海的时候，好像有人在背后拽厂她一把。 就在此时，母亲墨荷突然在弥天大火中显现，双目圆睁，死死地望着叶莲子。叶莲子此时才读懂母亲目光中的警戒，才明白母亲被火化时腾的一下从火焰中坐起，正是为了此时此刻拉她一把。