Chapter 13 Part 1.7.1

1 The fog that morning was very thick, and the rising sun had not yet turned over the head of the plateau, and the light and shadow it emitted from the back of the plateau were also very ignorant. The fog more than half a century ago was not only very thick and pure, but even the sun was very different from now, with a pure look, not as reluctant, frowning, and worried as it is now. At that time, the sun, the fog, the birds... the relationship between everything in the world and Wu Wei was deeper than it is now.Unlike now, I don't know whether she abandoned them or they abandoned her, in short, the two are irrelevant.The moisture of the not fully burned sorghum stalks emerges harshly from the entrance of each dark cave dwelling, blends with the thick mist, and gathers and disperses on the roof of the kiln covered with weeds.

Gathered and scattered on the pine tree that grows almost at the mouth of each kiln because of lack of water, it will not grow up in decades, so it grows gracefully. Gather and scatter on various treetops that always grow aggrieved for some reason.Gathered and scattered on the persimmons hanging on the remnants of the branches, but outlining the cold mountain valleys... The autumn was also very cold at that time, and Wu Wei's nose and fingertips were pinched tightly by the cold air.The crop stubbles, trees, shrubs, and thatch had already been covered with frost, but the frost was very thin and hairy, and it melted in one breath.She walked all the way, and all the way she made a fuss and breathed out at the frost-covered thatch by the roadside.The frosty air on the thatch poured into her cavity along her throat, and a layer of refreshing frosty air hung in her cavity.She raised her head, and with a voice full of frost, she sang loudly to the people around her.She sang through the clouds and through the fog, wandering between the sky and the earth without knowing the heights of the sky and the depths of the earth, and then raised her face, waiting for an echo from the original.Come, come, go, go...

Yuan around, but did not give her a clear answer.Instead, she spread her singing farther and farther away, letting it spread and dissipate.She stopped and analyzed the answer that was getting further and further away. Don't say that her brain with only ten years of experience is the brain of a sage, and I'm afraid she can't comprehend Yuan's answer. It was with the answer that she was going further and further away that she came to the old locust tree that was hugged by about six people, and under the old locust tree, she had the wish to write a book. Then when I looked up, I saw a piece of yellow paper pasted on the old locust tree, on which was written in clear and handsome Liu style script: Emperor of Heaven, Emperor of Earth, my family has a crying man at night. Three times, sleep until daylight.

In the closed customs, there are some good writers.Since ancient times, it has been a place of hidden dragons and crouching tigers. Legend has it that Cang Jie, the historian of the Yellow Emperor and the creator of Chinese characters, died of exhaustion in Qishan County, 15 kilometers away from Linggu Village.It's a pity that she didn't know there was a Cangjie Temple in Qishan County at that time, and she never went there to worship. Wu Wei's eyes, like all stubborn and easily obsessed people, grabbed those Liu Gongquan bodies and read the strange instructions aloud three times, believing that the child who cried that night would have a peaceful sleep.

In the future, just like that morning, she is sure that her earnestness can really give others something, and she also believes that anyone who passes by here will read it three times as earnestly as she does. This unfamiliar trust really moved her.A stranger who has never met and is troubled by difficulties entrusts this important task of rescue to her and other strangers who don't know each other, and believes that they can get people's sincere help. In addition, there is also a little uneasiness about being incompetent, because this yellow form is so easy, and therefore extremely heavy, to entrust trust to a young man who is not familiar with the world like her.So her face showed an unobstructed and preoccupied look, and this kind of look remained on her face, and the wind and rain did not corrode it.

These were the two things that happened when she passed the old locust tree that morning. Although she had never converted to any religion in her life, when she left the old locust tree, it was as if she had made a promise to something, knowing that she would never betray it from now on.But it is not very clear what not to betray.Before she went crazy, she often hovered around the magnificent old pagoda tree, especially in the season when she was deeply troubled. Her memory and orientation are indeed somewhat special.Unlike many children's memories, which only include childhood innocence, she struggled to remember things that she shouldn't remember.Many scenes that seemed incomprehensible to a child at the beginning, just seized her life space from the age of two to ten, and even later.It was later verified that those scenes, one by one, were very important.

For example, in the Henan land of Tianjin (now that area has long been buried under a certain high-rise building), the narrow, long and low-lying yard, she can even draw the shape of the yard and the layout of several huts. The stairs of the second wife's house; In the middle of the night, the roar of the water, the whimper of the wind, the intermittent cries of riding the wind and the water; the blood of Ye Lianzi; Liuzhou Bridge; plunged into conflagration; How can a two-year-old child know how to fish out the sediment of the most essential significance for his future life from the miscellaneous soup of life?

2 A lot has happened since Wu Wei wrote that sentence on this autumn morning in 1948. Maybe she was waiting for these things to happen.At that time, Wu Wei didn't know the word "haze", so he pronounced it as "raccoon". Maybe she saw this word in a book that she didn't know whether she should read it or not, let alone understand it or not. It may be related to the unclear dark weather, or a kind of unfathomable omen that she doesn't understand yet, but she can already perceive.That year, she was ten years old and in the fourth grade of elementary school. A ten-year-old child is still in the fourth grade, so he should be considered an overage student.But it was not because of repeated grades, but because Ye Lianzi could not pay the tuition fees. For a while, Wu Wei had to stay at home with the unemployed Ye Lianzi out of school.Wu Wei later became a writer, but when she decided to write a book, she didn't know what a writer was, she just wanted to write a book.

I don't know that one day she will succeed, and she will go from this earth to many places in the world. I don’t even know that one day she will be stuck in this idea and cannot extricate herself. What God gave us was a brand new person; what we returned to him was an incomplete, tattered skin and soul.And what she has lost in this life is not only a healthy body, strong teeth, black hair, youth without a trace of wrinkle, a clear state of mind like a pool of water, a soul that has never been sealed and has taken off its protective film... The most painful thing was that she had to face Ye Lianzi who "couldn't be called back by the east wind".People always say you get a lot more.

She replied indifferently: "What is the greatest pain in life? It is neither lovelorn, nor unemployment, failure, drop out of school, poverty, hunger, famine, illness...but watching life leave your beloved one by one. People, but you are helpless, powerless." How many times she swore to the sky that she would rather give up all the so-called success in exchange for the lotus leaves she lost and the morning when the sun was rising. But how can there be such a cheap thing in the world? However, the sentence she wrote does have many joints that can be explored. She wrote: "On a cloudy morning, the woman sat at the window looking out to the road..."

It was a woman.Why not a man? It was a woman who was looking forward to it, not a woman who was at ease with nothing to worry about. What is she looking forward to? Will she get her wish or not? How will she face the outcome no matter what? How did Wu Wei, who was only ten years old, know how to start this chapter? She has been a heartless child since she was a child, completely alone, doing whatever she wants, in a trance, not seeking to make progress... and she hasn't made much improvement in her life, until she was admitted to a mental hospital, she was still such an old man. Perhaps it is because of this that at the age of ten, she wanted to write a book without knowing the depth, and wrote this sentence first. 3 Maybe one more thing, worth mentioning. The day before these two incidents happened, Teacher Xin sang a song about mother in music class.Before get out of class ended, he called Wu Wei and asked her to sing it again.The lyrics are—— mother's brilliance, like the bright sun, For ever, forever, shine on my body.mother's love, Like the genial sunshine, Warms my heart forever and ever.Who cares about your hunger and cold? Who supervises your studies? Only your great and loving mother.She never gets tired, She keeps her spirits up, earnestly expecting you to advance, I have tasted all the hardships of the world for you. she is so tired You don't see her brow, Already engraved with a strip of wrinkles? There is only one in the world who has a mother, is the happiest person, But how do you repay your mother's deep thinking? "Singing very well." Teacher Xin said. Wu Wei has shown a talent for singing since she was a child. Among all the courses, she only likes music lessons. It is no wonder that she later married a person who could sing two lines of songs, and felt that she was married to music.Teacher Xin, who teaches music, likes her very much. But as she sang, sang, she suddenly burst into tears and couldn't stop, until her hands and feet became cold and her whole body twitched.Both the students and Teacher Xin were terrified.Everyone thought it was possessed by evil spirits, and even Teacher Xin, who graduated from Xiangshan Kindergarten, couldn't do anything about it. For a heartless child like Wu Wei who loves music scores, her performance in music class that day was outrageous. After class, Teacher Xin told Ye Lianzi what happened to Wu Wei in music class.Ye Lianzi didn't think much about it. At that time, people didn't know much about hysteria. It is said that hysteria is a post-modern disease.It was only during dinner that Ye Lianzi asked Wu Wei: "What happened to you during your music class today?" Wu Wei couldn't answer, she didn't know what was wrong with her, but after hearing her mother's question, she burst into tears again. Can it be said that her later madness had a foundation? 4 After leaving the old pagoda tree, which was about six people in the arms, she met her classmate Yu Tian, ​​the son of the station master not far from Linghu Village, a handsome boy with brown hair.It's hard to guess why he said to Wu Wei, "Are you ready? Take the geography test today." Wu Wei said: "No. I'm afraid of geography..." She didn't go on, except for music, which subject is she not afraid of?Including Chinese, as an essential foreshadowing for a future writer. Yu Tian said: "Don't be afraid, I know the test questions." Does Yu Tian have any vague feelings for Wu Wei, the so-called first love?unknown.Even if he had some love for Wu Wei, it was limited to this leak of the geography exam questions. "Do you know the test questions?" "Hehe. Teacher Zhao told my father, and my father told me again." The handsome young man Yu Tian confessed to Teacher Zhao of geography in this way. "Hmph!" Wu Wei, who had just recited "Emperor of Heaven, Emperor of Earth" three times, was full of righteousness.Although he was afraid of the geography exam, he didn't ask Yu Tian for the details of the geography exam questions. Except for a dissatisfied "huh!" Wu Wei had no more thoughts.The problem was the ten-minute break before the exam.But during the recess, she didn't skip rope, but stayed in the classroom and crammed to read the geography textbook, flipping through it, and suddenly said to the classmate on a whim: "Mr. Zhao is not fair. He told someone the exam questions." .” She didn’t have the slightest ambition to lead her classmates to rebel, but she just vented her dissatisfaction with this injustice. But her whim incited all the students who worked hard or didn't work hard. Ten-year-old Wu Wei, who is Mr. Zhao's opponent?Teacher Zhao changed the exam questions on the spot, and Wu Wei was inevitably punished for spreading rumors to confuse the public. Teacher Zhao neither sternly reprimanded nor blew her beard and stared, but just asked her to hold out her hand.Wu Wei, who was still upright and stern just now, suddenly lost his spirit and spirit. Looking at the three-foot-long, one-and-a-half-inch wide, and half-inch-thick board, he was stupid. Do not understand.Every time two evils confront each other, she can't figure out which one is more important, and can't make a choice.Facing such a board, her mind became even more confused. She couldn't figure out which would be better if she stretched out her hand and let Teacher Zhao hit it or not stretched out her hand and let Teacher Zhao hit it. She was afraid of returning home, but she didn't confess her origin. Perhaps at that time, she regarded "a hero who does things like a hero" as a noble character, and it was related to her refusal to betray Hu Bingchen in the future, and it finally came down in one continuous line.Since she didn't obediently stretch out her hand, it's no wonder that Mr. Zhao picked up the board and slapped her.The three-foot-long, one-and-a-half-inch-wide, and half-inch-thick board fell on Wu Wei's body in one fell swoop. And a ten-year-old girl's body is too soft and weak, and Mr. Zhao's stick can only cause a weak rebound.According to her offense to Teacher Zhao, such a weak echo was too full, too unenthusiastic, and not enough to calm the hatred in her heart, so Teacher Zhao waved the board more and more anxiously. Mr. Zhao, who was in full bloom, poured all the inexhaustible strength of a young and vigorous man into that small body that had only grown up for ten years at the right time.When the board was pulled down for the first few times, Wu Wei could still feel the burning pain that seemed to be burning through her ribs, but she didn't call for pain or call for help, even though her mother Ye Lianzi, a teacher of this school, was in the next classroom. teaching here.At first she even heard Ye Lianzi's voice: "Open your notebooks and dictate the following sentences as I read..." She didn't yell or yell, just because of the tradition of Ye family women not yelling or yelling, not because of bravery.And she was too timid, a few twitches made her lose her mind, and she couldn't see anything; she couldn't hear or feel. To put it simply, she was crazy and ignorant at that moment.The more she was in pain, the more her arms opened up unnaturally, exposing her ribs more unobstructed under the board.With the whipping of the board, like snowflakes in a blizzard, they flutter and spin silently, which looks a lot like the frivolous dance that became popular later.Did she have a problem with her brain? Is this the prelude to going crazy later? The students were stunned by the whipping that they had never seen before, even the naughtiest boys had never experienced such a whipping.There was no sound in the classroom, only the solemn sound of the board falling on Wu Wei's body. The instigator Yu Tian was even more restless.He didn't expect such a result in exchange for one of his flaunting or ingratiating words, but he didn't know how to stop this slow process, which was almost like killing.In the end, he had no choice but to scream: "Mr. Zhao, you, you can't fight anymore—" Only then did Teacher Zhao give up in astonishment. The station master is the headmaster's poker pal at the mahjong table and a close friend.Poor Mrs. Zhao, who is a handsome man, for the letter of appointment every semester, has to slander and miss questions, and then angrily find his dignity from a small body that has only grown up for ten years, which is also a kind of filling. . It is absolutely true that this is the first and last time in Wu Wei's life that he has received care and love from a man. Whenever he thinks of this point afterwards, Wu Wei always feels that it is very embarrassing, because this kind of care and love is only taken from a "quasi-man" who has not grown up.She worshiped "Jitu" since she was a child, and believed that the best character of a "knight" is to protect her own woman.But apart from the care and love of this little boy, she has never been so lucky. ．Because of this complex of "riding the soil", she had to come forward in her relationship with men in the future; she played the role of "knight" instead. This is why she sometimes misses the boy named Yu Tian, ​​especially after marrying Hu Bingchen, whom she loves with blood. I even wondered, when Yu Tian grows up and becomes a man, will he stand up when his woman suffers? 5 The ugliness of this beating and the experience under the old locust tree in the morning are very different.But isn't that also Wu Wei's "self-inflicted"? Not only have things like "self-inflicted" not been eradicated, but they have repeatedly happened to Wu Wei, as Hu Bingchen often said later: "You deserve it, all your troubles are self-inflicted." Indeed.Looking at the people in the world who are constantly in trouble, which one is not asking for it?Even Hu Bingchen, who analyzed Wu Wei well, wouldn't his marriage with Wu Wei be a big trouble of his own making?It can be seen that Mr. Zhao's whipping is still not vicious enough, and it is not enough to completely destroy Wu Wei's "self-inflicted" bad habit. The mischievous Wu Wei finally calmed down, laying on the bed with his cheeks flushed and completely motionless. If it wasn't like this, it would be difficult for Ye Lianzi to find her at ordinary times. She always jumped out of the wall from the high slope behind the school, and she didn't know what she was doing in the mountains all day long.Ye Lianzi was worried when exams came, and cried because Wu Wei did not study well and failed the exams.Teacher Qin comforted her and said, "She's still young, she'll be fine when she grows up." Pearl Spring, which gracefully passes through the plateau, enters Danyang Temple from these two high slopes, bypasses the only ancient cypress under the high slope, and then flows gracefully out of Huangguan.Its inadvertent flow is exactly on the same central axis as the main hall of Huangguan, and the old crooked pagoda tree that was killed by lightning after reuniting with Wu Wei. The only surviving ancient cypress behind the Danyang Temple actually casts a shadow over a forest, and there are even giant snakes lingering among the trunks.The bronze bell that is struck for get out of class and class is hung on a branch of this ancient cypress tree. Guannei has cut off the incense a long time ago, and now it has become a "wild shop" only suitable for refugees to live in.It was certainly not like this at the beginning, its majestic momentum is still there, the main hall, side halls, and mountain gates are complete, but why was it abandoned? The spring water bypassing the foot of the ancient cypress sang intermittently, like the chanting sound of Taoist priests going with the water in the heyday of Danyang Temple, and now it flashes back from a distance with the gurgling spring water.Ye Lianzi memorized them every sentence in countless sleepless nights. In winter, the northwest wind passes through the treetops of the ancient cypresses, whizzing out a soul-stirring music that metaphorically and narrates the calamity of all ages. Since then, Wu Wei has fallen in love with windy days.The winter wind that passed through the ancient cypresses at Danyang Guan narrated for them the misery of her and Ye Lianzi that she could not yet tell and would never be able to tell.That wind is their language, their lament, and that wind is her.Whenever the spring water and the music of the wind sounded, the little Wu Wei felt thoughtful, enlightened, dependent, and returning.She grew up slowly in the sound of the spring and the sound of the wind... During the rainy season, the heavy rain loaded with thousands of emotions will be turned into mud once it falls on the plateau. Doesn’t the process of dissolving imply a kind of generous comfort... No wonder Wu Wei thinks that the sound of water, The sound of rain and wind is the most beautiful music. Ye Lianzi counted and counted the board marks on Wu Wei's ribs, but she couldn't count them.They are black and purple, black and purple, stacked one on top of the other on Wu Wei's thin chest and back, how can she tell the number?She also asked again and again to no avail: "Does it still hurt?" Besides, what else can Ye Lianzi say? Or hold up a pair of tearful eyes, and silently pray to the clay statue standing aside: bless our mother and daughter who are wandering in the world, and bless, bless Wu Wei to be safe! When they first lived in this side hall in Danyang Temple, in the middle of the night, there would often be strong winds that would blow open the two hall doors with the latches, not a narrow gap, but to the left and right. Flatten the sides completely. The sky light then slammed into the door, illuminating the clay sculptures standing sideways, lighting up their fierce eyes, staring at her and Wu Wei fiercely, so that they had nowhere to escape, no matter what. Not going out to settle in that side hall where he lived and lived. Why did the temple door with the latch open automatically?It made them terrified; the door leaf made a clanging sound in the wind, and it seemed that many people were coming and going, leaving everyone behind. There was even a low howling and long chant, which was sent over faintly. It wasn't until much later that they were able to go their separate ways.When they can have nothing to do with each other and go their own way, the strong wind rising from the ground will no longer patronize them, as if they have become irreversible with their mother and daughter. Wu Wei was in pain, but she shook her head and smiled affectionately at her mother who was guarding her. "It doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable when I'm panting." She lowered her eyes and glanced at her small breasts.There was not much flesh on this rib, which had been malnourished since childhood, and even that little flesh seemed to make Mr. Zhao's board fly.The ribs, which seemed to have been scraped clean by the board, were exposed without any cover, bloody and bloody, and were allowed to be ravaged at will.Her already slender body seems to have become narrower and thinner since Teacher Zhao whipped her. Every organ in the cavity seems to have become very large, very large, and there is no room left in it. With a light breath, the lungs contracted and heaved very slightly, and they were squeezed and swollen, causing pain in both ribs.Ye Lianzi took off Wu Wei's clothes and let her lie naked on the bed.Now, no matter how light or thin the clothes are, Wu Wei will feel tenderness. Wu Wei felt much more relaxed, and she panted cautiously, taking small mouthfuls. Ye Lianzi said: "Hey, cry, cry, it won't hurt anymore." Although there is an old saying that "crying every day should not be done, crying everywhere is not effective", but for people who have nothing and nowhere to go, crying is the only little comfort they can get without cost and money. But Wu Wei didn't like to cry when he was a child and adolescence, unlike later, he exchanged tears at every turn. Even after being beaten like this, she didn't cry or make trouble, but just stared and endured.It's like every time I get a serious illness, there is no doctor and no medicine, and I rely on suffering. I never cry and fuss like other children, which makes Ye Lianzi feel very distressed. She just held Ye Lianzi's hand beside her, and her eyes were full of sadness and doubts that were extremely disproportionate to her ten-year-old age. Teacher Zhao, who looked far away from her father, reminded her of the days in Hong Kong and Guilin, as well as the soldering iron her father threw on her.The wind whistling by the soldering iron and smelling of rust hit her stomach, and a purple and red bump immediately swelled up on her stomach. When those bumps faded, she felt a benevolent itching.She stretched out her little finger and scratched it gently, especially sitting under the shade of a tree blowing in the wind, it was really a kind of enjoyment. Or grab her two legs, swinging a wheel like a wheel, and throw it on the floor with a thump, thump.The fall made her eyes stare, and she didn't know whether the head grew on the feet or the feet grew on the head.What she doesn't understand is what she did wrong.In front of her father, she is definitely a model child who obeys the rules.Unlike her exposing Teacher Zhao's missing questions, there is always a reason to be beaten.Why did her father hate her so much and beat her? If the experience of male violence from her father is just a man's problem, then Teacher Zhao's beating can make her make a general summary of male violence. Ye Lianzi mistook Wu Wei's desolation and doubts for dementia caused by severe trauma.She blamed herself, resented herself for not being able to protect her child, and said to Wu Wei anxiously: "Mom is sorry for you, Mom is sorry for you..." Wu Wei shook his head and said, "Mom—" She really didn't understand what Ye Lianzi's "I'm sorry" had anything to do with what might not be considered a bizarre experience in the ten years since she was born. After this ten-year-old sadness and doubts, she decided that in this world, only behind Ye Lianzi was an absolutely safe place for her, and she hid behind Ye Lianzi who could only cry. Walked out from behind Ye Lianzi. 6 Their plight can be seen from a letter Wu Wei wrote to Gu Qiushui when he was six or seven years old. The piece of paper Wu Wei used to write the letter was obviously not torn from a pupil's notebook, no.She was out of school and at home. The love for knowledge passed down from Mo He's father, the landlord and amateur hunter, came to Ye Lianzi, and she couldn't even afford the tuition of a primary school student.Wu Wei naturally does not have a notebook that is necessary for elementary school students. It was a small piece of jute paper cut from the paper Ye Lianzi used to paste the windows. The winter after the victory of the Anti-Japanese War was coming, and Ye Lianzi had to spend a little money to paste the leaky windows on the back wall.Outside the back wall, there used to be a very barren playground of General Zhang Xueliang's Guard Battalion. Ye Lianzi, who was dismissed from "Gonghe", became the package that was stored in other people's homes in her childhood. Because it changed hands and changed hands, no one remembered the owner of the package.But in order to have a bite to eat, she had no choice but to pull off her skin, wandering through relationships, and finally came to Xi'an to join Mrs. Zhang Guanying, the sister of General Zhang Xueliang. In Jianguo Lane, dozens of houses in the guard camp of General Zhang Xueliang have been empty since the Xi'an Incident. Mrs. Zhang thought, what is empty is also empty.They arranged Ye Lianzi, mother and daughter in a barracks at the northwest corner of the compound. In addition to Mrs. Zhang and her children living in a small courtyard surrounded by the compound, there are also nearly twenty families of ex-Northeast Army veterans who came to Xi'an with General Zhang Xueliang in the compound.Rent is not charged.The house that doesn't pay rent is the greatest assistance Mrs. Zhang has given to them. At first, Mrs. Zhang also ran a printing and dyeing factory in the compound. Ye Lianzi, who graduated from Lixin Accounting School, was also qualified as an accountant in that printing and dyeing factory. However, Mrs. Zhang, who grew up on the vast black land and was used to living a rough life with her family, could not move around in this square inch of land, so the printing and dyeing factory had to close down.Ye Lianzi's length of service in that printing and dyeing factory is counted in days. In 1945, Mrs. Zhang Guanying was in a very difficult situation. It can be said that Ye Lianzi and Ye Lianzi are sympathetic. Her husband has another woman and abandoned her and the children. As expected of Zhang Zuolin's daughter, she picked up a gun and aimed at her husband, the father of her children. That woman with her head in a bun, wearing a waistless straight black cloth cheongsam, and holding a long gun instead of a pistol standing in the hard wind is really upright.But in the end, the husband and wife still left a way out for the husband, "Should I shoot you down or you just get out of the house and never see each other again?" The husband decided not to see each other again. Fortunately, her natal family was rich, so she brought out several children. Since the September 18th Incident, the Northeast Army has lived a pawn life regardless of its position.After General Zhang Xueliang was placed under house arrest by Chiang Kai-shek, even Mrs. Zhang Guanying had to sell jewelry to survive. At that time, the manager of Xi'an Taifeng Tobacco Company and the director of Xi'an Dahua Spinning Factory bought her jadeite and pearls at low prices. In the end, what she left might be an amber cigarette holder. The second and third misses made two coats out of rough cloth, which were considered good clothes, but they ate eggplant mixed with miso all day long. Mrs. Zhang Guanying can only wear a black cotton gown in winter and a black silk gown in summer.At that time, Wu Wei often went out to Mrs. Zhang's house to sing and dance for Mrs. Zhang's children, or sing "On the Songhua River" and "Yuguang Song" along with the phonograph, especially "Autumn Water Yiren", which Ye Lianzi loved most. The lyrics coincide with Gu Qiushui's name and Ye Lianzi's fate.Sometimes, when she listens to Wu Wei's babbling, childish and out-of-the-ordinary libretto, she will smile shyly. Isn't this song written just for her?No wonder there was a soft spot for it in the first place.Wu Wei often went to and from Zhang's house, hiding a purpose that Ye Lianzi would not admit. If it happened to be a meal, they would reward her with a meal, a meal that would fill her up.More specifically, after the "performance", those sisters and brothers rewarded her with a few sand fruits or a pomegranate. The good Wu Wei even instigated a "revolution" at Mrs. Zhang's house. The girl Cuihuan is a refugee who fled from Henan, and her family has no means of living. Her mother had no choice but to give her a stick and planned to sell her. Although Mrs. Zhang has reached the point of selling jewelry for a living, she often asks the cook to steam a large pile of steamed buns and take them outside the gate to give to those who are fleeing.Cuihuan's mother was queuing outside the door to get the steamed buns, and she saw the Zhang family's charity at a glance, so she sneaked into the door, knelt down at the door, and begged Mrs. Zhang to buy Cuihuan.When Cuihuan arrived, she ate eggplant mixed with miso and nothing more, nothing less. But Cuihuan has a big heart.Decades later, she used this relationship to get her daughter to go to college, and after her daughter graduated from university, she used this relationship to work in the Zhang Xueliang Memorial Hall.But she didn't mention the "girl" thing at all. When Miss San left, she even found Cuihuan's husband's family and hired her out like a young lady. But she was too lazy, and the second young lady only told her to work harder in the future, but she was not happy. Then it happened that Wu Wei encouraged her to rebel and flee. Cuihuan did not escape, where did she escape?Where are the days here better?As soon as she did not flee, she reported to Mrs. Zhang that Wu Wei had encouraged her to rebel and flee.Mrs. Zhang only asked Wu Wei: "You gave Cuihuan the idea to let her run away?" Wu Wei liked to do this kind of thing since he was a child, "not catching the cow thief, but catching the prong puller". No matter how reluctant Ye Lianzi was, the leather shoes, suits, etc. that Gu Qiushui could not take away when he left Baoji had to go into the pawn shop one by one. Those pieces of clothing are all her favorite, and one of her thoughts seems to be betting on these clothes of Gu Qiushui, betting on the hope of reunion and the possibility of Gu Qiushui's change of heart. When she had to pawn the future and hope that she created, how was it different from suicide? Standing under the high counter of the pawn shop, she comforted herself deludedly: she would redeem them when she had money.But until the liberation of the whole country in 1949, she failed to redeem one of Gu Qiushui's clothes. However, when Miss San held her wedding in Xijing Guest House (equivalent to a five-star hotel in Xi'an at that time), Ye Lianzi still attended the wedding.Almost all the people who attended the wedding were old people from the Northeast Army. Even though Gu Qiushui no longer recognized her as his wife, she couldn't embarrass Gu Qiushui.She decently asked for a rickshaw, carrying a handbag with nothing more than a penny in it except for the fare, and specially changed it into the one reserved for job hunting or "occasions". A light gray cheongsam trimmed with a dark gray narrow border, and a snow-white handkerchief pinned to the lapel, it was for the wedding.The future woman Wu Wei looked up at Ye Lianzi and started the basic lesson of how to be an elegant woman.After leaving Gu Qiushui, Wu Wei has been struggling with Ye Lianzi for a meal, and never had the chance to see a real Ye Lianzi.After growing up, she said to Ye Lianzi many times: "I really don't understand, how did you marry Lao Gu? It's really a flower stuck in cow dung." By the time the mother and daughter settled down in that barracks, the playground behind the barracks had turned into a wasteland riddled with bombs under the bombardment of the Japanese planes, a messy description of a war-torn era, complemented by the kneeless weeds. Chengtong is the scene of the fallen people in the end of the world. It is said that in the dead of night, there are ghosts of Northeast soldiers haunting it. Around the wasteland, there are patches of poplar forests growing loosely. Poplar is an ambiguous tree, a tree that looks at people's eyes and acts, or a tree that is empathetic.When people are happy, it sings in the wind, leaf by leaf, clapping like hands; when people are sad, it sings "Night Rain in the Parasol Tree" in the wind. Especially in late autumn, when the courtyard is full of autumn insects chirping, in addition to the bleak "night rain in the phoenix tree", the leaves of the poplar trees also fall in bursts, accompanied by Wu Wei's carefree sound, which makes it even more difficult for Ye Lianzi to fall asleep.She was worried about not having a living, and that Wu Wei did not have a cotton coat to keep out the cold in winter, and that she had no money for Wu Wei to go to school... There are so many things to worry about alone. In fact, no matter what era, everyone has a lot to worry about, but there are at least a few or one people around to discuss ideas. She hugged Wu Wei again and again; she tucked the thin blanket over Wu Wei's body even tighter.Oh, Wu Wei, Wu Wei, when will you grow up? What about growing up?The disaster that Wu Wei brought to Ye Lianzi after growing up was more serious than the hunger, cold and helplessness after being abandoned by Gu Qiushui.Therefore, when winter comes, Ye Lianzi has to spend a little money to buy some jute paper to paste the air leaking window on the back wall, so that Wu Wei can cut a small piece of the window paper to start her life. The first creation. 7 I don't know if Wu Wei's letter to her father counts as her first creation?But it was undoubtedly her first assignment outside of homework. She used a book instead of a ruler to compare, and first used a pencil to draw horizontal lines on the small piece of irregular jute paper. On the paper, write neat lines of words.She hoped her father would think she was good at handwriting and letters, and maybe he would send them a little money as a reward, and maybe she could use that money to pay for school. She doesn't study hard, but when there are no books to read, she knows that something is wrong, probably because being out of school is always associated with having nothing to eat. 就算如今中学的绘图课上，有了丁字尺的帮助，也不一定能把一条横线画得尽善尽美，何况一个只有几岁、心浮气躁的吴为？任凭她如何努力，也很难在一本书的比照下，将那些横格画得匀称。而吴为那时的几岁和现在孩子们的几岁无法相比，那是贫瘠、没有见识的几岁。 那些横格，大多一头宽、一头窄，还有一条横线，因为她的铅笔一滑，从她期望的走向上出溜出来，分出一个小岔儿。 不过她的确写得非常整齐。 她拿起毛笔，用幼稚的笔迹写着——爸爸：一年不见了，现在很是想念您，您现在好吗？现在西安很冷，我还没有棉衣穿，现在方阿姨给我一件衣服，妈妈现在正在给我改小。妈妈现在也找不到工作，我们现在没有钱，所以我还没有上学。您那里冷吗？您现在穿上棉衣了吗？请常常来信。现在您的身体好吗？请您写信言明。我很好，妈妈问您现在好。daughter 民国三十三年 十一月十九日晚 她在信里无的放矢地用了很多个“现在”，从这封信里，实在看不出她有当作家的天分。 对于吴为这封精雕细刻的信，顾秋水的回信是——亲爱的孩子： 你的信我收到了，邹伯伯又回重庆去了，叫你妈给他去信，让他给你们一点帮助。 dad 十二月二十七日 不多不少，连日期、标点符号在内，一共五十一个宇块。吴为也没有得到她预想中的奖励。这样比起来，胡秉宸和白帆的离婚，可以说是相当负责，相当有良心。对于白帆提出的任何要求，二话不讲，签字画押。 由白帆起草的第一号文件是—— 一、现有住房在没有更妥善的安排办法之前，由白帆同志全部占有，胡秉宸同志只可用楼下朝北一个小间。子女原住室不变，客厅、饭厅为公用。待住房问题有了妥善的安排，经双方协商后另行解决。二、家中所有用具，除子女已有的外，无论何时分用，均由白帆同志首先选择，所余部分由胡秉宸同志使用。 三、白帆同志的保姆费，由胡秉宸同志永久负担，并从他月工资收入中抽出百分之二十，补贴白帆同志的生活。在住房尚未妥善解决之前，房租水电等一应费用，也由胡秉宸同志负担。 以上所有费用，由胡秉宸同志的秘书代领，后交白帆同志安排使用。 此外附有信件一封——亲爱的同志，我珍爱的丈夫：可能以后就该称呼“前”丈夫了？至少允许我现在，再从心底发出一次这样的呼叫吧。往日的爱情，已经永远消逝，幸福的回忆，像梦一样留在我心头。你的笑容和美丽的眼睛，带给我幸福并照亮我青春的生命。但是幸福不长久，欢乐变忧愁，那甜蜜的爱情从此就永远离开我，在我心里只留下痛苦，啊，我独自悲伤地叹息。 上面是一首小夜曲，也唱出了我的心情，录以献你。 我为什么失去了爱情，失去了你？那是一个复杂而又曲折的故事。 回忆过去四十年，解放前我们相处得不好，原因和责任双方都有，明人何须细说。当然你不曾虐待我，正如西方绅士还总是为妇女让座那样蛮有教养。 然而解放后，我们的感情却是好的。所以我仍然相信，既失去，又没有完全失去你。眼下近在咫尺，却如隔关山万重；日后谁又知道呢？电许万重关山从头越，一切从零又开始。 谁说时光不能倒转？不，冬去春来、周而复始本是规律，而决定的因素是：你不是那样忘情的、无情的人。而你，留给我那么多美好的回忆…… 当然，也许这只是呓语，那就博你一粲。 white sail 他们二人在处理离婚案的务实精神以及浪漫情怀的表述方面，那种一刀下去，既保持了切割面光洁度的高系数，又使务实和浪漫精神两相得彰的行为方式，不但在他们那一代人中间，即便在现代人中间也算思想超前。退一万步说，即便没有这份文件，白帆还有妇女儿童权益保障委员会的保护，强制胡秉宸执行他应负的责任。即便没有妇女儿童权益保障委员会，白帆自己还有老革命的资格，那资格也会使她有一份丰厚的生活保障。 顾秋水既没有胡秉宸的责任和良心，叶莲子也没有能力写这样一份旱涝保收的文件，更没有一个妇女权益保障委员会来保障叶莲子最基本的生存。 她只好两眼一抹黑地闯日子，直到一九四九年全国解放以后才算翻了身。 诚如白帆预言的那样，胡秉宸果然和她万重关山从头越，一切从零又开始。 到底是时光倒流，还是白帆对胡秉宸的了解终究比以研究人为职业的作家吴为深刻？unknown.他们是否知道，世界上从没有过一个重新开始的零，与原来的那个零分毫不差。 在处理这些问题上，比他们年轻二十多岁，对创作的细节无比重视、珍爱的吴为，却对生活中的一应细节。缺乏感觉。她终究不得不同意离婚之后，在给胡秉宸的信中这样写到——亲爱的秉宸： 你好，七月九号来信早巳收到，事到如今，我同意你离婚的决定。 因种种原因，我近期不可能回国，所以你我离婚的一应手续、办理时间，劳你运作，如果需要我做什么，请来信。 我们之间不存在财产纠纷，已在你处的东西完全归你所有。千万，千万！我只希望得到几件有关我母亲的纪念品： 一、她过去经常躺在上面睡觉的长沙发(在我们的卧室里放着)； 二、三十年前她亲手买的一个两层小书柜，咖啡色带玻璃拉门的，在保姆的房间里放着。还有保姆房间里那个放衣服的木柜和放在你书房里的白色矮方桌，是我和母亲生活由难时期的纪念。 至于我写的书，如果你愿意留就留下，如果不需要就给我。 我的照片和国外的评论资料请还给我。对别人没什么用，对我还有些用。 that's it. Wu Wei 尽管胡秉宸立过遗嘱，各存一份在秘书和吴为手中，吴为也永远不可能为一根鸡毛与他讨论如许—— 我长期身为国家公务人员，每月工资作为日常生活费用，并无积蓄。量人为出，也无债务。过去家中一些家具杂物，在八五年离婚时，已全部留给前妻，只身出走，现时的所有家具等物，全都是我妻吴为用她的稿费买的。我死后，其全部所有权属于我妻，任何人不得异议。按制度应由配偶继续居住的房屋，也由我妻吴为继续居住。 胡秉宸 8 抗战胜利的那一天，叶莲子像万众一样欢腾，以为国家有了救，她也有了救。以抗日为己任的顾秋水，自然也就没有什么可抗，他们夫妻终于可以团聚，便准备着到天津再次上演一出(千里寻夫》，就像那年贸然到香港，上演那出《千里寻夫》一样。一般来说，男人比女人较多理智，也更善于总结经验，顾秋水从来没有忘记过叶莲子到香港上演的那一出《千里寻夫》。宝鸡一别，音信全无的顾秋水，于抗战胜利不久抢先来了一封信，并在宝鸡之别后，第一次给叶莲子寄了五块钱。这区区五块钱，使顾秋水在叶莲子心中树立起更加美好的形象，寻夫热情也更加高涨。 低头接着再看顾秋水的信，满纸千难万苦——莲子： 邹可仁已由北平来津，见面以后，对我非常冷淡，他说从未给你寄过钱，至于今后怎样办，是否会寄些钱给你，他也没有表示。总之，仰人鼻息，诚属没出息的事。 我们的“事”也非常地渺茫，更没有什么把握，看来也没有什么好办法，不过是往前瞎摸。我是随着人家干“事”，人家要是不爱干，我也就完了。我现在很灰心，最后恐怕白扯一回。而且我爱干不干，人家又何必一定给咱们钱用呢？这完全是个人情愿的事，我们也没有向人家要钱的权利。 至于你失业在家，没钱吃饭的事，我也没有办法。我们到处要饭吃，到处丢人丢脸，我常觉得活着已是多余了。早先同你再三讲，你总不开窍，等到走上死路的时候，就晚了。 谁让你死心眼儿，死死地缠住我！把我缠死你也好不了。你不想另求活路，只好两人一齐死。咱们就泡吧，你也许解恨，我也不想好了！ 你的思想太旧，太顽固不化，让你自逃生路你偏不干，现在我可顾不了你了，过几天看看不行，我只好同要饭花子一起要饭吃了。 为了养大孩子并给她以教育，你应当牺牲自己，就当我死了。托你那个姓方的女朋友或其他什么人，给你介绍个男人，最好是小有资产的商人结婚，不但你可以得救，孩子也会有个较好的环境。她刚刚到这个世界上来，该得到一份她应有的幸福，为什么叫她和我们一起受苦，和我们-样一辈子做个穷苦的人？ 你不要再盼着我们还会相逢，我要远走高飞了，哪儿死哪儿埋。你赶快带着孩子找生路要紧，以后我不会再写信给你了。farewell. 顾秋水 身陷洪荒才有的那种天地倒换的大倾斜、大裂变，陡然降临，不论望不到边的茅地，还是望不到边的森林，顷刻间就被这裂变吞没，再也看不到一丝生命的颜色。 迷乱中，叶莲子伸出手在腿上抓挠着，本能地想要抓住一些什么，可她想抓住的那些东西，反倒从她的指缝中间滑泻而去，她甚至感到它们在指间的流动。 那么吴为出生以来的不幸呢？从顾秋水的信来看，也全是叶莲子不开窍，不肯再嫁一个“小有资产的商人”造成的。 随着生活的有着有落，叶莲子已经不再抓挠她的腿。可在玩笑的尴尬中，这种已经隐退得很深的毛病，还会不觉地重现。 禅月一看叶莲子开始抓挠腿，就说：“得，姥姥又没辙了。”却不知叶莲子这种毛病从何而来。 她难道没有自食其力、自谋生路吗？顾秋水北平一别，一个大子儿也没留下，四年光阴是怎么过来的？为了省钱，一个冬季她连白菜也没有吃过一棵——白菜呀，又不是鸡鸭鱼肉！后来更是到包家当了女佣。 宝鸡一别，“工合”遣散。在不论怎样向顾秋水求救、呼吁，他都置之不理的日子里，吴为记得一次又一次跟着叶莲子到有钱有势的人家，乞讨一份工作的自轻自贱。 其中一次，更是此生难再—— 当她们毫无防范、推开那扇诗书人家的大门时，连定神的瞬间也不曾舍给她们，一团毛茸茸的东西，塌了一扇墙似的，带着噬血动物的腥气，扑压上来。 那只扬着前爪站立起来的狼狗，比叶莲子还高出半个头。叶莲子转身把吴为搂在怀里，用她的身体和手里那只棕色木提手、赭石色哔叽布料、没有肩带的手袋，杯水车薪、无济于事地左挡右拦。 那只为她们立过如此功劳的手袋，也就这样活灵活现、一丝不走样地，不只烙在吴为的眼睛上，也烙在了她的心上。