Chapter 10 Part 1.6.1

1 Wu Wei always thought that just because she and Hu Bingchen had been to Linggu Village successively, she and Hu Bingchen had been in love for several generations.Although she was only two years old when Hu Bingchen arrived in Lingzhu Village, and she would have to wait six or seven years before she could make an appointment here, but she regarded it as an appointment that Hu Bingchen had made in advance.Based on this point, she even thought that before she and Hu Bingchen got acquainted, they must have crossed paths in many places. The purpose of Hu Bingchen's trip was to find a classmate who was doing a management job at the train station near Linggu Village.Taking advantage of this relationship, I settled in Linggu Village, where I repackaged it according to the different social environments in the red and white districts, and won the support of my classmates to transfer to Chongqing.

And never returned to Yan'an since then. He was sent to Chongqing at the same time, and Xu Dezhang, his classmate at the university, went to the revolution together. I don't know if Xu Dezhang's journey is smooth?Can they meet at the appointed place? Thinking of Xu Dezhang, he unconsciously frowned.There was also a trace of ghost in his eyes looking forward to life, which were still a certain distance away from the eyes of the revolutionaries. Hu Bingchen joined the party within six months after arriving in Yan'an. When he transferred from Linggu Village to Chongqing, he was already a company-level cadre.Xu Dezhang said unconvinced: "When I was in college, I was more advanced than you. I was still a representative of the underground student union. You didn't participate in anything at that time. You were considered a backward youth. Why did you join the party before me?"

Regarding Xu Dezhang's doubts, Hu Bingchen didn't say a word. Xu Dezhang was indeed more advanced than Hu Bingchen when he was in school, but he had no direct relationship with the underground party.Moreover, Hu Bingchen estimated that this had something to do with Xu Dezhang's writing thousands of words and digressing thousands of miles when he first arrived in Yan'an and filled out the many forms that had to be filled out.He not only filled in that he had participated in the Fuxing Society before he served as a representative of the underground student federation, but also listed his father's resume without omission. He was first a minister of the Kuomintang, and later a minister of Wang Jingwei.Fortunately, the columns on the form are too small, otherwise, even the age at which the father was weaned and the age at which he passed out would have to be filled out one by one.

At that time, none of them understood the meaning of saying less or not saying unnecessary things in the future, thinking that once the matter was cleared up, it would be over. Just like when Wu Wei and Hu Bingchen were passionately in love, he once explained to him the history of "making mistakes in the relationship between men and women", thinking that once he made it clear, Hu Bingchen had a choice between "tolerable" or "unbearable". After that, things are over. Hu Bingchen chose "tolerable". She is not without lessons in this regard.For the sake of peace of conscience, she confessed the secret of her illegitimate child to her ex-husband Han Mulin when no one knew about it and she could get away with it.Han Mulin also chose "bearable", but the result was "unbearable".But how can Han Mulin compare with Hu Bingchen, a British gentleman who is full of life?

They simply don't understand that when a man no longer loves a woman, their past affairs will always be their trump card.In a quarrel not long after the marriage, Hu Bingchen said unexpectedly: "You know what people say about you? They say you are a rotten woman, and they say that I fell for your tricks by marrying a filthy woman like you. But I Why did I marry you so obsessively?" Without any effort, Wu Wei, who was jumping around, was stunned with a single shot. Compared with Han Mulin's sanctions against her more than 20 years ago, Han Mulin can be regarded as aboveboard.

Even in the United States in the 1960s, public opinion could not forgive illegitimate children, let alone China? Before entering the confusion, she did not forget to put Hu Bingchen before and after marriage on the table, nor did she forget to call her and Hu Bingchen's performance in this love on the table, "My past I have never hidden anything from you... If that is the case, why do you threaten me with suicide to force me to marry you?". Wu Wei's understanding of the situation is too lacking. At this point, he still doesn't understand that Hu Bingchen's bad voice means that she has already been "fired", even though she has only been on the job for a few days.Not to mention that it has only been a few days since I started working, it is not uncommon for people to be fired even after working for a day.

Once a woman is laid off by a man, she shouldn't mention the grandiose and irresistible promise at the beginning, that is the treatment that is loved by thousands of people.It is not only a lack of understanding of the situation, but also a miscalculation of his current worth.And what she said was too harsh, too relentless. Since she regards "words must be believed, deeds must be resolute" as a principle of life, doesn't she know that an outstanding man like Hu Bingchen is even more obsessed with this basic principle of life? It must never be concluded from this that Hu Bingchen is showing some "face" by saying this, and there is really a reason for the incident.

From the first second that Hu Bingchen and Wu Wei stepped out of the door of the marriage registration office, his conscience began to feel uneasy, although it was a little later than Wu Wei's.Wu Wei started by taking over the household registration book that had to be used for marriage registration from Ye Lianzi.What is the prospect of such a marriage? This is something he never expected before he stepped into the threshold of the marriage registration office.It's amazing how the change happens in an instant. Although Hu Bingchen accused Wu Wei of cruelly torturing him by Bai Fan many times, once he married Wu Wei, Bai Fan became a defeated one, and Chinese people have always said that "a soldier who mourns must win".What's more, if Hu Bingchen is not in a state of rage, he is basically kind or very kind. .

When it was Hu Bingchen and Wu Wei's turn to divorce, based on the reasons for the divorce he proposed, Wu Wei couldn't help guessing how much gold was in his accusation against Bai Fan back then?No wonder he has a bad conscience. In fact, what is the reason for divorce?If you agree, stay and if you disagree, go away, which is the answer to all those who don't understand or care about things.If this rule is accepted by both parties and bystanders, people may not ruin themselves as much for the purpose of getting a divorce or not getting a divorce. Moreover, when going through the divorce procedures with Bai Fan, they had "three chapters in the agreement" and were not allowed to marry Wu Wei, which was the prerequisite for Bai Fan to agree to the divorce.Although the purpose of the "Three Chapters of the Covenant" is to breach the contract, once the breach of contract becomes a reality and he has to bear the responsibility of defrauding the divorce to Bai Fan and his old comrades in arms, Hu Bingchen dare not face himself without his coat.The uneasiness of conscience tormented him deeply.Hu Bingchen is also a person who likes to vent his anger on others. When he vents his anger on others, he naturally hates Wu Wei as the instigator, and uses this hatred to torture her continuously.

They themselves didn't expect that this hard-won marriage, which has gone through many hardships, has now become a discount coupon for preferential customers in the mall. There is nothing worth buying when they buy it, and they don't want to give up when they give up.What is the prospect of such a marriage? How could Wu Wei understand the difficulty of Hu Bingchen's rude words? Since he married Wu Wei, most of the old comrades in the army no longer associate with him, and one of his secretaries who is the most loyal to him has never visited his door again. They are ashamed to be with a woman like Wu Wei.As a person who has been praised and embraced by others for many years, how much did Hu Bingchen lose what he valued most, the respect of others, for this marriage?It was only after divorcing Wu Wei and remarrying Bai Fan that he was freed from the isolation of being imprisoned by his old comrades and subordinates.The secretary and his old comrades in arms resumed their relationship with him.

That quarrel was most likely not a flat-ground wind and thunder. After Fu Rong left, Hu Bingchen asked the teacher suddenly: "Furong came last night, why did you go to the next door to watch TV and not accompany her well? After you have used her up, you just ignore her, right?" "Which time did I not entertain her when she came? So that my friends said I was 'extremely flattering.' Is it impolite to just sit there and not leave? Speaking of her help, of course I am grateful. You may not know that when Xu Dezhang asked her to frame me, she was very dissatisfied and said, 'Isn't this a frame-up! He continued to induce, "It's a false accusation, but we are not the first in China, nor will we be the last." She still refused... At the beginning, you often asked her to send me flowers for you; to pass news to me for you , she did everything for you. She even persuaded her mother to agree to your divorce request. She loves you too much, and she can't see you being tortured by Bai Fan for divorce. How many people can be proud of such a thing? ?Especially when you were seriously ill, you often informed me of your illness, which made me feel at ease, and there are many, many...all of these, I remember them one by one. But you can't help but see that I took her place after all No matter what my mother's position is, it is impossible for me to get her forgiveness and kind treatment." Wu Wei also did not estimate at all that the threshold of the marriage registration office is not just a threshold that she and Hu Bingchen cannot cross. An undercurrent of conflict suddenly appeared in Furong's place, and then rippled in circles, and rippled in Hu Bingchen's place again, converging into bigger waves... It was not premeditated, but they had such a tacit understanding between them. Wu Wei asked herself unwillingly: Where did the friendly treatment between her and Fu Rong go? But how could Wu Wei demand so much from Furong that he expected Furong to treat a woman who took her father away from her mother calmly?Who does she think she is? Naturally, they didn't know that when Fu Rong came to visit that morning, they hadn't gotten up yet, and hurriedly grabbed a dressing gown and put it on to entertain Fu Rong.When Wu Wei bent down to pour coffee for Fu Rong, Fu Rong saw the smooth skin of her breasts and the still beautiful cleavage from the collar of her dressing gown, which was slightly opened, but did not notice the tears on her face.Naturally, Fu Rong didn't think about it, why is the newly married Wu Wei so tear-stained? When thinking of her father being trapped in this ditch last night, Fu Rong seemed to have turned into a white sail, and hatred arose on the ground. If Furong notices the tear stains on Wu Wei's face and thinks about it, she is smart enough to predict what will happen to Wu Wei in the future, and she and Wu Wei may still treat each other as friendly as before. Hu Bingchen immediately sensed Furong's hostility. He had betrayed Bai Fan many times in his life, but he had never felt so uneasy like now.Maybe those betrayals were just a play on the spot, but this time it hurt his muscles and bones, so he felt that what he abandoned seemed to be Fu Rong instead of Bai Fan. For the sake of his love for Hu Bingchen, Wu Wei just washed three times in water, burned three times in fire, and boiled in blood three times without taking a breath, and then entered another endless test. Wu Wei often felt that it was too difficult, too difficult, even such a trivial matter as not knowing how long to sit with Fu Rong, he had to watch his words and be careful. She flattered and flattered Fu Rong not because she was afraid of Fu Rong or Hu Bingchen. Furong misses her like a mountain.Even if it's just about refusing to join hands with Xu Dezhang to frame her, let alone other things. She just repays Fu Rong's kindness with her forbearance, flattery, and flattery, and is grateful for the help she has given to her father, which of course is to her. She was also worried that Hu Bingchen would immediately make a big fuss if Furong was unhappy with any word or incident. Even Furong's friends, she flattered them one by one. Fu Rong has a few American friends who have seen several books translated and published by Wu Wei in the United States, and would like to meet her. Hu Bingchen asked Wu Wei to go to a high-end dim sum shop in the capital to buy refreshments.On the way back, she asked Hu Bingchen if she could stop in front of a friend's house for a few minutes, because a publishing house came to pick up an article the next morning, and she didn't have it in hand, but the friend's house had a copy. Hu Bingchen said: "No, what if I miss Furong's tea party?" She looked at her watch and said, "It's only two o'clock now, and the tea party is at four o'clock in the afternoon. I will never stay inside, and I will come out as soon as I get the article." "No." Hu Bingchen categorically rejected her request.She had no choice but to go home and wait to receive Furong's friends. Then came the dinner that greeted their father and daughter.They chatted and drank wine over roast chicken.Once you start drinking wine with roast chicken, the process of eating and drinking becomes very slow. It was already nine o'clock, and she had to go to her friend to pick up the article that she could have picked up in the afternoon.She was in a hurry but didn't dare to urge her, and she planned to wait until they finished drinking before doing the dishes, and the time would be even later. So whenever they saw their father and daughter drop a chicken bone on the dining table, they couldn't help but race against time to clean up one. Hu Bingchen was patient at first, but when Fu Rong took a deep look at Hu Bingchen instead of Wu Wei, he immediately said, "You're going to let us have an ansheng meal?" "I... …I’m still waiting to do the dishes and then go to a friend’s house to pick up the article.” Hu Bingchen waved his hand and said, "Forget it, forget it, let's go, let's wash the dishes." She looked at Fu Rong, wondering if she would offend her by leaving like this.However, Fu Rong kept her head down and ate the chicken without paying attention, so Wu Wei hurried away on his bicycle. At night in Beijing at that time, there were neither karaoke nor bars. Even if there were a few neon lights, it was like the few sesame seeds dotted on the sesame seed cakes in the famine of the 1960s. But she couldn't wait to throw the bicycle away, lie down on the street, facing the street with only a few "sesame seeds", let go of her throat and shouted: Street, street, I thank you, thank you for giving me this Favor! But she didn't, she hasn't reached the point of going crazy, she can only cry with peace of mind and heart in those few "sesame seeds" parcels. But this kind of uproar still happened again and again. I also tried to communicate with Hu Bingchen, but Hu Bingchen, who already had an "idea", refused to communicate. A person who regards writing as life rather than a game is most afraid of having peace of mind.When she thought that she would have to lose the physical and mental investment necessary for writing, she couldn't help herself with fear.She just held back, endured, held back, endured, and endured to the limit, and began to hysteria, and the attacks became more and more frequent, and soon developed to the point where she could not control it. It would be okay if she faced Hu Bingchen alone, but once she faced the father and daughter at the same time, she would be even more frightened and at a loss what to do. On the eve of her "escape", when she thought of facing their father and daughter at the same time, she trembled all over and couldn't help vomiting. If there was no channel for Ye Lianzi to dispatch her, she would probably have gone crazy long ago.Her dependence on Ye Lianzi was almost pathological at that time. Before leaving, she still had a long talk with Hu Bingchen without giving up, which made Hu Bingchen recall the time when they were in love with some sadness. But Furong's silent stare pressed his heart like a thousand pounds, and his promise to Bai Fan... Hu Bingchen had no choice but to reply: "It's late, it's late, there is no time to make up, this is really an eternal hatred. " He hastily suggested a trip to the Temple of the Reclining Buddha.When their love was in a very dangerous "underground" period, the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, which was sparsely populated, was a place where they might stay tenderly for a while.He said: "Go tomorrow, if you let go of a day, you will lose a day." She didn't understand the meaning of "it's too late, there's no time to make up for it" or "if you let go of a day, you lose a day's time", thinking it was just another "age is not forgiving" he often said. Under those pine trees that were much bigger than before, he said: "Remember I kissed you here, because I lowered my head too hard, and my forehead was cut by a branch. You scratched it... It was not easy for us to meet at that time, and in those days when I didn't see you, I couldn't do anything, no matter I was in a meeting or working, I would kiss you in various ways in my imagination. " At that time, part of his life seemed to exist in Wu Wei's place, his life seemed to become one point after another, those points were the meeting with her, and the days between points and points were just some dotted lines.How many times did he say to her: "The world is so vast, but it's just a small dot to me. That dot is the feeling of loving you. You are my whole world." Hu Bingchen never expected that at the end of his life, he would meet Wu Wei again, and only then would he begin to taste the bitterness, spiciness, sourness, and sweetness that a woman gives to a man... The dream of a vigorous love that has been expected since childhood has finally come true.Without Wu Wei, without this love, a big part of his life would be missing. I remember a late night in autumn, when it was raining moderately, and the sound of the raindrops bouncing on the steps hit my ears, monotonous and full, but the surroundings were even more silent.Wu Wei spoke softly, her voice blending into the sound of rain.Talking about her childhood, her joys and childish sorrows, Hu Bingchen listened quietly and asked a question from time to time, as if digging for a treasure that was vital to his life, tenaciously trying to dig out every detail.And they just talked and talked like the day was coming to an end and they had to hurry up and get over everything, and kept their eyes open and struggled to talk, listen.It seemed that he was in her original life, rejoicing, anxious, sighing and sad together.Maybe they really lived like that, maybe the memory got everything wrong... They are weaving, weaving their past lives together, those monotonous and different colors are woven to cover up the dark parts and set off each other richer and brighter.In the end Wu Wei talked about the future again, and Hu Bingchen smiled in the dark, hugged her even more lovingly, and said, "I'm sorry, the days in the future are numbered, please forgive this Buning-style ending." She said, "Do you not like Bunin?" "I don't know why you like Bunin. I think he is full of hopeless exile emotions. Hardy is the real master. I only noticed Hardy in 1958. The comments at that time were thrilling, of course in the stomach It's in. Terrible, a writer who thrills you. And Dreiser, who knows all classes." "But I like Bunin's mood of exile, it's really beautiful, the beauty of withering." She sighed, but that sigh fell into the rain. "And the "Tempest" you mentioned. I still don't like it. Because I don't like Ehrenburg, and he is not from any country. I like "Two Sisters", although the movie is not good, and it glorifies the Soviet regime." "Why? Do you think that Ehrenburg's affection for France is too deep? Let's take a closer look, especially his description of Paris and his love for Paris. Although you have been to Paris, it is a pity that you have no chance to be in the alleys of the Latin Quarter Oh, those actors in the movie "Two Sisters" are so beautiful...beauty is also a kind of culture, it depends on the connotation of people, such as you. Hey, hey, don't tickle me, in fact, you feel good about it No? When it comes to the Soviet regime, no matter how authoritarian and centralized it is, it has protected Russian culture. Unlike our "Cultural Revolution", it was completely wiped out. Some people seem to hate intellectuals and culture. I don't know how many generations of hard work it will take. reconstruction." "It is said that when Lao Mao was a librarian at Peking University, his salary was only seven and a half yuan a month. Once he wrote to several university professors about his views on major national affairs and the future of the country, but the professors did not reply... " "There is still a bit of origin in this, but is it credible?" "Just listen to it." what's the result?No one should try to take Wu Wei away from Ye Lianzi.She only belongs to that Ye Lianzi. That being the case, she shouldn't get married! After marrying Wu Wei, Hu Bingchen never had the feeling of "home", especially after he was isolated by his old comrades and subordinates as a prison, he often had all kinds of dreams about not being able to go home. Just a few days ago, he dreamed that it was getting late, and he took a train to a place called "Shiliupu", because Wu Wei was there.Although someone was traveling with him, that person got off the train at the previous stop, and the train continued on a high embankment, so he could clearly see the whole picture of a small and old county town along the way.There was a man in the car: "Why isn't the urban area located here?" He replied: "Because there is too little flat land here, it is only this small, so the new urban area is located where there is open space in front." After a while, he arrived at the station and got out of the car.The station is small and there are no people.Finally saw a person squatting on the ground, he asked the person: "How to get to 'Shiliupu'?" The person replied: "Go along this road, there are still a few miles." At this time, it was already dark, and he walked forward, but he couldn't see any roads, and when he turned around, the station was gone. Where is "Sixteen Shop"?Can he go to Wu Wei?In a dazed mood, he woke up.All his life, Hu Bingchen knew what he should do, no matter whether his determination was right or wrong, but for the first time in his dream, he was at a loss, not knowing whether he could reach the place he was going, or whether he could find Wu Wei. Another time I dreamed of going home. Their home was on a square six-story building with a square patio in the middle and corridors around the patio. Several families lived on each floor.But he couldn't find their room, and he was wandering on the fifth floor when someone asked him, "Where are you from?" As the person asked loudly, many people from all floors came out to watch. He replied, "I live on the sixth floor." Those people didn't believe it, and he couldn't tell which door on the sixth floor he lived in. He was very embarrassed. At that time, he really hoped that Wu Wei could come out of the room and greet him in the corridor along the patio on the sixth floor.But no, all the doors on the sixth floor were silent, and he had no choice but to continue to stay in embarrassment. Or dream of all kinds of homes, or by the sea, or old-fashioned buildings, but when you open the door and look, it is always empty, there is nothing inside. Or turning around in the middle of the night, Wu Wei called Bai Fan with his arms around him also happened from time to time. Why does he keep having such dreams?Then finally realized that he needed a home, but he didn't have one. "Birds know how to return when they are tired of flying", but there are only empty nests and no homes.After marrying Wu Wei, they never really built a family. He is always wandering between the two homes where either Wu Wei or Bai Fan is the hostess, which one is his home, and which one is not his entire home.Seeing Wu Wei's excited look, Hu Bingchen thought, after more than ten years, although there are all the characters, they are not the same people as before. 2 When Hu Bingchen was in school, he felt that Xu Dezhang was not pleasing to the eye.Xu Dezhang often wore a black cloak and a pair of black short boots, which made Hu Bingchen feel very flamboyant.And Xu Dezhang's constantly raised arms, which can be seen everywhere, and his wide mouth, which is always shouting slogans, remind him of Xu Dezhang's father, who was first a minister of the Kuomintang, and later became a Wang Jingwei or something. Minister's opportunist. He believes that Xu Dezhang's political extremes are in line with his father's, and he doesn't think that he is a fanatical young man who is keen to follow the trend. There is no obvious difference in the appearance of meat, lacking the ability to distinguish and crack down on fakes. After arriving in Yan'an, Hu Bingchen seemed to have found a more solid basis. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that Xu Dezhang's words and deeds had something to do with his participation in the Fuxing Society. Hu Bingchen, who wants to be the best in everything, has another kind of guard against Xu Dezhang, who is too showy (ostentatious?)?After the victory of the Anti-Japanese War, Xu Dezhang's father was impoverished. Chiang Kai-shek arrested him after he returned to Nanjing from his accompanying capital, and he was not released until 1949. He may eventually die of old age in prison.Xu Dezhang accepted the experience of arriving in Yan'an at the beginning of the year, and never mentioned that he had a father who was imprisoned for traitors. This is something. Hu Bingchen's "dislike" towards Xu Dezhang lasted from their youth to their octogenarian years.And he and Xu Dezhang, or Xu Dezhang and him, have stayed together for a longer time than some people who are related to them by blood. On the other hand, Xu Dezhang knew Hu Bingchen well.This made Hu Bingchen feel unhappy whenever he remembered it. If two people who know the basics have to be entangled for the rest of their lives, is it luck or misfortune?But they are close friends, otherwise, why would Hu Bingchen choose Xu Dezhang as the candidate for "Tuogu" in the year when he almost walked on the "bridge of death"? But it was precisely because of Xu Dezhang's father and Hu Bingchen's family that they were sent to Chongqing. The task was to use the family's social relations to carry out intelligence work.How does this work work?There are no specific instructions from above, and they have no idea. After Hu Bingchen has experienced a lot, once he sees posterity explaining the past in such a stroke-by-stroke manner, he will inevitably sneer. 3 After getting off the train, the hungry Hu Bingchen didn't go to find that classmate immediately, but walked into a snack shop near the train station in Linggu Village when he was sure no one was following him. This is the snack shop that Wu Wei often passed by after arriving in Ling G8 Village and mentioned in her notes. It also sells braised pork, tea eggs, vegetarian balls mixed with mung bean noodles and soybean sprouts, and sesame cakes. The small train station and the small street outside the station actually gave Hu Bingchen a sudden sense of prosperity.Is he already very Yan'an?I also felt that there was a lot of railway equipment storage near the station, and I guessed that my classmate might have a good job, and the plan to raise a sum of travel expenses might not fail. He bought a bowl of saozi noodles that were hot and sour, red and green. In the summer of 1939, he was not used to such intense food, and because of its intense essence and revolution, it seemed to have some natural connection with many revolutionaries.He got used to this kind of food only later, especially after arriving in Sichuan. But he hadn't seen the fishy meat for a long time and he was very hungry, so he had no choice but to bite the bullet and eat the bowl of simmered noodles. While scanning the surrounding environment vigilantly with the corner of his eyes, he was smoking the noodles with simmered noodles, and was so hot that the famous Shaanxi spicy pepper in the bowl made him cry. He was sucking incisively, sternly, and obsessively, and suddenly stopped. He heard the movement of himself sucking noodles, and was startled by the movement. When he was in Yan'an, he must have smoked noodles in the same way. He was surprised that he had been unconscious for a long time.Anyone, no matter where they come from, regardless of temperament, regardless of gender, regardless of origin... as long as they come to Yan'an, they will definitely eat noodles like this. So in his ears, the movement of people in the big cafeteria eating noodles in waves "sweeping thousands of troops like a rolling mat" was vividly reproduced. He felt strange to himself. 4 In this moment of bewilderment, Hu Bingchen thought of the bowl of sour plum soup from Xinyuanzhai in the old courtyard. He unconsciously fell in love with the charming old days in Peking, perhaps because he was born in that courtyard. The quadrangular courtyard in the depths of the Hutong has been the property of the Hu family since the Qing Dynasty.I vaguely remember that when I was young, my family kept horses.Somebody brought a yellow pussy horse into the yard. The horse raised its front hooves in the yard and neighed, causing him to hug his mother's neck tightly in fright. But the horse-hunter explained that it was because the horse had met the nobleman, and the young master was at least the second rank top Dai Hualing's future. Hu Bingchen was born in the Republic of China, how can there be such a thing as Dingdai Hualing?But my mother couldn't help smiling when she heard the horseman's nonsense. Wu Wei knew nothing about this plot, but dreamed of Hu Bingchen and the horse together several times, especially this scene.Except that the location is not the courtyard house in that alley, there is no difference. Later, when she traveled to Europe many times and saw those half-god and half-horse sculptures that were almost everywhere, she wondered whether those dreams were related to some information of Hu Bingchen? There are all kinds of people in the alley, who doesn't know that he is the young master of the Hu family? Once out of the school gate, the shopkeeper at the fruit stand at the T-shaped intersection always greeted him flatteringly: "Master, school is over!" The stepped shelves are covered with blue cloth, a blue that cannot be dyed by foreign dyes.Fresh goods are stacked layer by layer against the blue cloth, or a gouache heart, or a bright gold character, depending on the season.The shopkeeper was also wearing the same blue coat, and while dusting the fresh goods on the shelves, he was smiling all over his face. He just thought nonchalantly, looking for something to say! He didn't want people to call him young master, but he also didn't want people not to know that he was the young master of a rich family. Except for Lao Xiao who was guarding the gate at home, he didn't talk to these people or other servants. "It's difficult to raise women and villains. If you are close, you will not be inferior, and if you are far away, you will complain." This is the court motto since childhood. The bicycle then turned into the house.Old Xiao, who was watching the gate, also had nothing to say: "The young master is back!" Even to Lao Xiao who was in need, he just nodded. As soon as she put down her schoolbag, the little girl brought sour plum soup.The sour plum soup was bought by the servant from Xinyuanzhai in the south of Liulichang Xikou Road, not far from home. He picked up the small celadon bowl handed down from his ancestors, and immediately smelled the old smell of the Hu family that had disappeared for a long time from the small celadon bowl. The small, amber-colored sour plum soup in the bowl, which has been chilled on ice cubes, and the small celadon bowl that smells like the old Hu family, seem to be assimilated into a ball of refreshing and soft jade, overflowing in his hands , It's like hugging a jade-like gentle and delicate woman. Hu Bingchen, who was holding the small celadon bowl, would never have imagined that one day he would be in Linggu Village holding a bowl of saozi noodles and devouring it hungrily.It wasn't until a long time later that this feeling would reappear, when they kissed Wu Wei, and when Bai Fan gave birth to a little daughter for him. He sat next to that little man for a whole night, and that night he actually didn't think about anything, all he thought about was the sour plum soup in the small celadon bowl passed down from his ancestors and the softness of his hands at that time.So I named my daughter "Furong", and understood what it means to be "fearful of falling if you hold it in your hand, or melt if you hold it in your mouth". Perhaps it is necessary to compare Gu Qiushui's and Ye Lianzi's depictions of Wu Wei. Gu Qiushui said to Ye Lianzi: "Look at her eyes, they are black and bright, like two little black beans." Ye Lianzi said: "Like a black gem." This popular metaphor must have come from popular vernacular novels, and it is not as good as the metaphor of "black beans" by the carpenter's son, which is like mud on a large piece of fertile black land thrown head-on.Comparing in this way, we can see that Hu Bingchen is Yangchun Baixue, and Gu Qiushui and Ye Lianzi are lower Liba people. Hu Bingchen's heart became kind and tolerant because of the arrival of this gentle and jade-like daughter.He no longer entangled whether Bai Fan's son was his offspring, thinking of Bai Fan's pitiful and weak defense, he even felt a little sympathetic.Of course, he never expected that poor Bai Fan would, when he filed for divorce in the future, take care of his eagerness to seek divorce, and say: "After reminiscing and counting carefully, you still have to get divorced." Admit that he is your son. Besides, how many men have I slept with, how many men have Wu Wei slept with?" In the eyes of men, women can be roughly divided into three categories: mothers are sacred, and have almost nothing to do with the word "female" in their hearts; wives and lovers are always flawed (not flaws), even if they occupy all the women in the world, they cannot make up for it Men have all-round needs for women; only daughters are perfect than wives and lovers in men's minds. They are impeccable and flawless women, and they are the most proud women in the world.And the inheritance of blood reminded them all the time that this woman, who couldn't be more outstanding, could only be their daughter. But a daughter is still a woman.In ancient times, before human beings were educated by civilization, there was no boundary between daughters and women. The boundary was gradually formed and followed by people only after human evolution. Although the span of time and space is so vast, who can tell that a certain kind of information passed down from ancient times has been completely wiped out? A daughter is a man's subconscious number one lover. Later, once the girlfriends consulted Wu Wei on marriage matters, she was most concerned about whether the man was married, whether he had children, whether it was a boy or a girl.If it's a girl, she can't help but jump up and object immediately: "No, no, stop quickly, the future will definitely be difficult." As for the son, it is just a man's historical complex, shouldering the mission of continuing the family history, treating his son like Treat history textbooks.History textbooks are absolutely indispensable, yet has anyone ever fallen head over heels for a history textbook?Hu Bingchen has loved many women in his life, even counting Wu Wei, he has never surpassed his love for Furong.Just like Wu Wei has loved many men in her life, but she has never been able to surpass her love for Ye Lianzi.Although these are two kinds of love that cannot be compared. If Fu Rong came out to stop him and Wu Wei when they were in love, Bai Fan wouldn't have to go to war like that. After they got married, Fu Rong seemed to have taken over Bai Fan's baton, going from house to house among Hu Bingchen's comrades-in-arms: reuniting the team that had disintegrated and given up after opposing Hu Bingchen's divorce. Wu Wei knew where the knot was. During a visit abroad that year, a Chinese-American writer who accompanied her shopping said to her: "...It's really pitiful to the hearts of women in the world. What are you trying to buy gifts for your husband's daughter? What can you get in return? I was fortunate enough to meet your husband's daughter, and she spared no effort to arrange you for those of us who have nothing to do with each other for the first time. In her eyes, you are even worse than...even a prostitute..." She looked at Wu Wei With the big and small bags in his hand, he continued, "Shouldn't this day be quite difficult?" 她连忙打断那位女士的话，打肿脸充胖子地说：“她其实对我不错，我们还是朋友呢。”心里却凉凉地想，和胡秉宸共同生活的艰难，果然是无望改变了。 她当然知道，和文学毫无关系的芙蓉，是通过什么渠道与这些人会见的，不由得心里对芙蓉那位情人讨饶：“这真是天大的冤枉，那天保姆回去撞见你们在床上，真是和我一点儿关系也没有啊！” 那时胡秉宸和吴为结婚不久，借住的是朋友两间房子，所以还没有条件为芙蓉准备一个房间。吴为陪胡秉宸住院的时候，胡秉宸把钥匙交给了芙蓉和她的情人，也没有向她打个招呼。如果告诉她房子由芙蓉和她情人暂住几日，她无论如何也不会让保姆回去给胡秉宸熬鸡汤，而是让保姆到叶莲子那里去熬。从那以后，芙蓉对她就势不两立了。她不得不但起这个天大的仇恨，可她也不能向芙蓉解释，越解释就越糟。 难怪胡秉宸出院后他们回到家里，只见她的照片被芙蓉一张张倒扣着。 葡萄酒瓶也摔碎在地板上。暗红色的葡萄酒液，像陈旧干结的血迹满地铺开。散撒在地板中央的酒瓶碎片，像一只只冷眼，分毫不会放过地窥视着她。那一摊酒瓶碎片，还有那陈旧干结、暗血似的葡萄酒，像预示着她将在一所老宅子中如那瓶酒一样躺倒、断碎，她的血也将这样在地面上暗结，吴为禁不住惊骇地战栗起来。 芙蓉和情人用过的避孕套，也一个个散放在厕所的台子上。床单上、躺椅的罩单上，都印着一摊摊爱的印溃……让吴为想起契诃夫的一则创作手记：一位军官太太洗澡，让军官的勤务兵给她搓背，绝对谈不上诱惑，而是根本没把那个勤务兵当人，更没有当男人。那轻蔑该是何等深刻。 同样，这些用过的、公然摆放在台子上的避孕套，也绝对不能说是芙蓉的不检点，那是芙蓉有意掴在她脸上的耳光。芙蓉当然是有资格在她脸上这样掴耳光的。二十多年来，芙蓉只对那个有妇之夫从一而终，可能还要这样过一辈子。而吴为呢？不但离婚、结婚地折腾来、折腾去，还有一个私生子。按照白帆和她那个集团军八十年代初在某次省级干部会议上散发的、揭发吴为丑行的材料所指，吴为先后和八个男人上过床。 保姆还撂了耙子，对吴为说：“阿姨，我可不伺候这个。” 她不得不一一捡起芙蓉和情人用过的避孕套，并卷起那床单和罩单扔掉。 与胡秉宸有情人终成眷属的第一个早晨，吴为还没有从第一件措手不及的事情中回过神来，胡秉宸又没头没脑地对吴为说：“你得好好报答芙蓉。” 好像他们的婚姻是他赏给她的，不但是他赏给她的，还是他和芙蓉一起赏给她的。 他是不是把芙蓉当年的帮助变成了一笔高利贷？这笔高利贷，早就让他一分不饶地索回。不但索回，还做了一笔她永远不能还清的假账。尔后，她一生都得背着这笔无法还清的高利贷，并且被它逼进欠债的死角，这笔假账对她，可不就是一个不着痕迹的冷面杀手？ 吴为结结巴巴地说：“我从没忘记过一个帮助我的人。”她感到了自己的卑微，既不能像胡秉宸这样理直气壮地说“你得好好报答禅月厂又不能无私高尚到不这样思想。 对禅月那种信奉“永远不向任何人屈服，永远昂着高贵的头颅”的人来说，自己母亲却为一个出卖过她的男人，这样自轻自贱、忍辱苟求，实在太让她丢脸了。她虽怒其不醒、哀其不幸，但还是忠心耿耿为这个她所轻蔑的爱情奔波。在长达几年的时间里，为防备白帆和胡秉宸那些对手的暗算，禅月一直为逃避在外的胡秉宸传递着他给吴为的几百封信件。风里雨里，只要收到，从没过日地骑车从学校赶回家。有一次甚至出了车祸，因雪地上刹车不灵让另一辆自行车挂上，拖出十几米远，好在后面没有汽车。 按照胡秉宸索取回报的原则，比之芙蓉的帮助，根本反对这场爱情的禅月，是不是更应该得到他的报答？ 吴为一直留着禅月十六岁上写给她的那封信。Mother: ……世界上就没有什么真正伟大的爱，那是“天方夜谭”，是幻想，人活着多半是互相利用。“有人要享乐就需要别人痛苦，什么道德、良心、诚实、谦虚都是假的，是互相争夺的手段。”这是存在主义，可是不无道理。 没有什么是永恒的，一切事情都会终止，妈妈，我恳求您这件事不要继续下去了，事情结束得越早越好，这样也许还会给双方留下一些美好的回忆，如果事情到了非结束不可的时候再结束，那么大家的痛苦还不知会增加多少倍。妈妈，您是大善良了，不愿伤害一个人，即使是伤害过您的人。正是因为这样，妈妈呀，您才受了这样多的苦难…… 记得吗，蒲宁引用过的一句《圣经》上的话？你必须忘记你的痛楚，就是想起，也如流过去的水一样…… “即使是伤害过您的人”，当然是指胡秉宸为了保全自己，和白帆联手写给吴为那封信。 禅月老说：“妈，那封信怎么写的您都忘了吧，我倒替您背下来了。吴为同志：我们(我和老胡)认真并关切地研究了你的信，作为年长的共产党人，我们愿以坦率的态度指出，这种感情不仅是不正常的，而且是没有结果的，热切希望你正视现实。白帆。 “信纸上方还有这位胡某人的眉批：'正面教育，又有节制，给她自己下台阶，不要出意外，女同志容易出意外。'他是关心您吗？他是怕您出事儿，追根儿追到他的头上。听着，下面还有他的附笔，吴为同志：你自己塑造了一个虚无缥缈的意境，又自己在里面扮演了一个多愁善感的角色，沉溺在里面出不来了。这是资产阶级的感情游戏，不是无产阶级思想，你甚至投有想到这是多么危险。我要给你泼出一大盆冷水，就近来谈一次，不要再写信了。胡秉宸附笔。'他这个始乱终弃者，比受害者白帆还来劲。” 吴为替胡秉宸辩解道：“这也可以理解，我犯过那么严重的男女关系错误，他怎么敢轻易爱上我？”“您从没想过，当您还是他手下小职员的时候和您当了作家之后，他对您的态度有什么不同吗？” “我还没当作家以前，他还不了解我，不知道我的价值，不知道我值不值得爱。” “难道一个人的价值，只有在得到社会承认以后才存在吗？！妈，您怎么像个奴才一样？他和您的关系不平等，您没觉出来吗？” 茹风对此更是激愤：“胡秉宸的感情和你的感情有本质的不同，爱情对你是一种奉献，是至上的一件事，如此你的良心才会安宁。于他则是享乐的源泉，所以他总是留一手……能想到对女人责任的男人不多，地位越高的男人越是这样。老百姓的男人还好一些，至少能想到养老婆、养家。” 吴为道：“他后来还是动了真情。” 茹风“哧——”了一声，说：“那是一定条件下的真情，带有'逼上梁山'的性质。你别自欺欺人了，这二十多年他是怎么折腾的，我也算是亲历亲见。不在这个时代，他绝走不出这一步。你在那种时候说到'爱'，可以说是呐喊出了一个时代的声音，得到了强烈的呼应，是当时文化、思想解放的一个潮流，价值很高。他作为一个政治人物，对这'点是非常敏感的，他想做风口浪尖上的那个浪尖，做'天下第一风流才子'，可他没有这个素质，也不想有，这个潮流他不应该赶，他根本不是这种人。他要求的只是婚外的满足；多元满足，多对象，才是他生理上的正常要求。他不过跟你玩儿玩儿而已，开始并不认真，你一成名，他那个'还配'的感觉就出来了，浪漫一番何乐而不为？可没想到碰到你这样的对手一不肯随便玩儿玩儿。当然他对你还是有感情的，不然也不会有离婚的动力。他说和白帆没有爱，不但没有爱，白帆还有那些问题，所以破坏那个家庭就没有罪恶感，人们在另想别弹的时候都这么说。白帆干的那些事当然不都是假的，但可能没那么严重。所以一旦离了婚，他的良心就不平衡了，不得不用很多行动来弥补，而且这种弥补是以伤害你为代价的，好像对你的伤害越厉害，越能赎回他良心上的歉疚。你爱他都爱疯了，你母亲和禅月为你操尽了心，她们太惯着你了。当初你不和胡秉宸结婚，他就用自杀威胁你，要是她们那时候也来个自杀，你就不得不考虑她们的意见了。你最对不起的两个人，就是你母亲和禅月。可能你小的时候太缺乏关爱，所以不论谁给你们一点帮助，你们就特别领情，特别知足。你倒说给我听听，他给你的爱在什么地方？如果他爱你，就应该对你母亲好一点儿……朋友们为什么对你好？因为人人都知道，你们家成就出来不容易，欺负你们太没良心了……” 问题也没有这么简单。 胡秉宸倒不一定像茹风说的那样情薄如水。吴为“乱搞男女关系”的记录，哪个男人听了不心生戒备？对这样的女人，怎么能相逢就抛一片心？ 也许胡秉宸把和她的关系看得过于深沉，不是简单的“搞”女人，如果“搞”女人很容易，用不着等这么多年，几个月、几天就可以上床。 当他们确立爱情关系之后，胡秉宸对吴为说：“我们相识十几年，中间的过程是很复杂的……我不认为有一见钟情的事，如果有，彳艮可能是一种欲望，一种浮在表面上的诱惑。爱情应该是对人格、思想深度、人的尊严、才能的了解崇敬，人生态度的一致，为共同理想的奋斗，当然也包括正常情欲在内种种因素的综合结果。它是逐步产生的，产生之后就成为强大的力量，比如说，为此可能要作出巨大的牺牲或克服很多挫折。我说的爱，是建立在高度人类文化和精神文明基础上的爱，不能要求每个人都这样做，但应该让人们懂得有这样一种爱。我有我做人的基本原则，请相信我，你碰到的是一个好人，这个人一旦明确了爱你，他就放弃一切去取得法律上的合法地位，丝毫没有动摇，虽然用尽各种策略，但态度一直鲜明，一直向前，负责到死，永不相负，难道你从我的法律行为中还看不出吗？”理论是何等美好啊！ 这应该算是坠人爱河的胡秉宸，对以往种种难以理解行为的诚挚说明，也可以说是反省。人们也不难看出热恋中的胡秉宸何等坚贞。与这样的男人恋爱，难道不值得在水里洗三次，在火里烧三次，在血里煮三次吗？ 而那“新纪元”的第一个早晨，让吴为措手不及的第一件事又是什么？白帆的电话。 当时吴为还没有从昨夜的“情迷”中清醒过来。 胡秉宸就像一个农村的好把势，非常熟悉土地上的耕作，一寸寸开垦着手下的那块荒地；又一寸寸地精耕细作，深思熟虑地支配着每一份精力。那每一份经过深思熟虑才付出的精力，被成倍放大，极大地弥补了体力的不足。 吴为不是没有和男人上床的经验，可是只有在这样一个好把势的耕作下，才知道她这块土地的潜质并没有得到充分的开发。在这之前，她枉做了女人，而且还是个声名狼藉的女人。 她突然解开了对男欢女爱的羞涩，好像天地间只剩下了他们两个人，他们并不是躺在黑暗的屋子里，而是悬浮在杳无人迹的太空。胡秉宸正领着她向那极远极远、灿烂而不晃人的太阳漂浮。她不慌不忙地跟随着他，这个识途老马样的男人，一定会领着她准时准点地到达。 她像那些幸福而知足的人，在入睡前常常舒心地发出一声叹息那样，舒心地叹了一口气。 而胡秉宸也重温了瞬间融化的神迷…… 但是，当这农人的犁头正要进人土地的深层，她也几乎就要进入说明白却又不甚明晰的地域时，情况惨变，那耕作的农人猝然倒地，额上沁出力不胜任的汗水，灰白的头发里也沾上了田里的泥土和草棵…… 吴为不忍与胡秉宸对视，只管埋着头，一味拂着他的胸膛，似乎这就可以拂去他的尴尬，并且心疼地想：上帝这样对待一个上了年纪的男人，实在太残忍了。 然而胡秉宸却没有丝毫的歉疚，就像一个老练的杂耍艺人突然失了手，很知道如何对观众交代一个自圆其说的理由，并且会毫不气馁地继续可能还会失手的下一轮演出。 他喘吁吁地说：“你看到了吗？就在眼前，伸手就可以摸到了。” “是，我看到了。”仓促中来不及细想，但吴为对自己说，她一定要这样回答胡秉宸。 此时此刻，一个老男人的余生，就靠她这些话来判决：如果她应对得好，他也许还能支撑下去；如果她应对得不好，可能就会“噗”的一下截断一个男人的命根。 “你伸手摸摸，摸到了吗？” “是，我摸到了。” “真的？”“真的。”她必须努力为他制造一个他所期待并赖以支撑的神话：“亲爱的，很好，我的感觉很好。真的很好。” 吴为的谎言终于使胡秉宸重整旗鼓，他的眼睛里不但渐渐有了生气，还有了类似年富力强男人的阳刚之气。 难道他看不出来，那不过都是她说来安慰他的谎话？难道男人就是由女人的这些谎言造就的？跟着，有人兴致勃勃打来一个早电话。吴为懒懒接过电话，问道：“请问哪一位？” “我是白帆，叫老胡听电话。”“请等一等。”她就把电话听筒递给了胡秉宸。 白帆的声音很响，与胡秉宸同床共枕的吴为想不听；也不可能。她问道：“昨天晚上怎么样？身体还行吗？” 听起来好像在问：你新纳的那个小妾见没见红？ 胡秉宸好像早知道会有这样一个电话，早就准备下他的汇报，“天寒地冻，善自珍摄……”至于说到“昨天晚上”，则请她放心云云。 别的话怎么说都合情合理，毕竟他们是多年的夫妻，只是他们关于“昨天晚上”的交流，让吴为好生难堪，好歹她是他的妻子了，他怎么能和另一个女人谈论他们的“昨天晚上”，而且在那样的“险情”之后？ 5 等到院子里有了嘭、嘭的声响，就是兄弟们打排球的时间到了，小姑姑肯定也会出来打排球的。 他赶快放下青瓷小碗，脸上也难得地有了笑意。小姑姑有一张典型的鹅蛋脸，端庄又清秀，虽说已经许了人家，可是还没过门。他猜小姑姑对他也颇有好感，但是他们既然生长在这样的家庭，就很识大体，知道什么可为、什么不可为。 球打在石榴树上或是藤萝架上，石榴花和藤萝花就纷纷落下，把他们的眼睛染得一片火红又一片紫蓝；一会儿又掉到金鱼缸里，飞起的水花溅了他们一身一脸，他这才有一绽笑颜的机会，也有了顺便、不显突兀地向小姑姑望一望的机会。他觉得小姑姑也看了他一眼，心里就有了得到交流后的模糊而不明确的快感。有时他们也在一起玩玩“升官图”，从大家坚持按清朝官制玩耍，不难看出他们难以抑制的、对胡家鼎盛时期的留恋。对已往的荣耀，胡秉宸虽也留恋，但他的留恋是在心底，何况时代已经大变，他更愿意适应社会新潮，总是坚持按民国官制玩耍。胡秉宸自少年时代，就显出对风口浪尖的兴趣。 不论在学校还是在兄弟中间，大家都不由得听从他的意见，好像天生如此，没有什么道理。 小姑姑不玩“升官图”，只在一旁观战。他对“升官图”的兴趣也不大，可这也是一个接触小姑姑的机会。胡秉宸是性情中人，对于他的行为是否冒天下之大不韪，不很在意。 虽然是游戏，但在捻捻转儿转着的时候，心底也盼着那个捻捻转儿停在可以连进三步的“德” superior.到了他“荣归”大总统的时候，还是有一份得意在心。于是大家纷纷抢食糖果、干果之类的零食，他这个赢家倒什么也不吃，只是笑眯眯地看着兄弟们大啖他的胜利果实。 他的笑很迷人，薄薄的、线条清晰的嘴唇抿着，似笑非笑的；一双比常人大出许多也黑出许多的瞳仁，忽白忽黑地闪烁在眼睑后面，因了明了又不明了的含意，让人颇费猜测。 晚上温习功课晚了，他宁愿到街头的馄饨挑子上吃碗馄饨，也不愿意让底下人给他做碗消夜。 他喜欢那点京华风情。馄饨挑子上挂一盏马灯，马灯里燃一豆灯火，那一豆灯影在他生动的脸上轻巧地跳跃着，很人间的。 火门一开，锅里的汤就翻滚起来，卖馄饨的抄起小抽屉里的皮儿、馅儿，当场裹好馄饨下到锅里，再点上各种作料，一碗热呼呼的馄饨就煮好了。 这一碗馄饨，看着比吃着还有趣。 吃完馄饨，有时会拐到门房老萧那里，翻起他的褥子，搜出褥子底下藏着的春宫画，细细揣摩。 画片上的女人，各个都是迷迷的脸、朦朦的眼，一副其乐无穷的样子，从彼开始，他对女人有了一种大爱。 到了大学，男生里更是私下传递着女性器官的照片，且都是科学性的特写。比之扑克牌大的春宫画，有大块吃肉、大口喝酒的豪致。连同勇于开拓者的实践，丰厚遗产似的由毕业班一班一班往下传。进入革命队伍后，由于革命的女人与革命的男人数量上的差距，肆无忌惮、以虚代实、画饼充饥畅谈男女欢爱，便成了那些出身红色，因而享有诸多豁免权者的“永恒主题”。 胡秉宸静静地坐在一隅，倾听着那来自地母，原始、赤裸、具体、形象、恣意、放浪形骸的故事，似乎比身临其境更有一番滋味，说故事的人也从来没有注意过坐在角落里，以不苟言笑、清心寡欲著称的胡秉宸。 这样丰富多彩的生理训练，是后来的几十年无法比拟的。 一九四九年以后，为培养具有共产主义道德的接班人，连正当的生理卫生课也一律免了，以致吴为上初中的时候，班上有个男同学，竟以为不论男女，人人都长了一个鸡巴。 这种时候，他绝不会想到小姑姑。 也不会想到五岁时，在老宅花园里遇到的那个婶子。 心里清清楚楚地知道，那是对小姑姑，也是对美丽得让他心跳加快的婶婶的亵渎。 记得那天还下着雨，小小的他，独自一人来到院子里。院子里有许多芭蕉，其中一棵只有他那么高。他站在笆蕉叶下，灰蒙蒙的天立刻就绿了。雨点一滴滴打在芭蕉叶子上，声音空寂而清丽。芭蕉叶子让雨水洗得绿茵茵的，圆圆的雨珠子，顺着芭蕉叶子不断滚下，如天上滴下一颗颗晶莹的玉粒。 婶子就在那时把他抱了起来，他不知道婶子从哪儿来的，好像是从绿盈盈的雨雾中幻化出来的。五岁的他不能说出婶子有多么美丽，只感到她的美丽震动了他，以至他的心跳都加快起来。 以后他就认定，芭蕉在下雨时最美；也明白了为什么很多中国画常常画个美人站在芭蕉旁边。但苞蕉不能太高，应该比人矮些，也不能太密，不然就会喧宾夺主，本末倒置。但是每当觉得和小姑姑有了一种模糊的交流之后，他就更想去老萧那里看春宫画。 也会抛下兄弟们(他们常常一起骑着自行车，车匪一样呼啸着从胡同里蹿出，到东安市场东北角的杂耍场去看杂耍)，像独行侠那样形只影单，飞骑到那大俗之地的前门。 在前门那个地界，他最喜欢看拉洋片。“往里面瞧嘞往里面看，粉色儿的幔帐挂两边，俏丫头扶来了娇小姐，掀开了幔帐就往里，钻。一钻钻进了洗澡盆，这大姑娘洗澡呀，您瞧啦……” 他把眼睛紧紧贴在那个小洞上，透过小洞上的玻璃往里瞧。大姑娘是有的，却很粗俗，硕而肥的奶子垂着，因为下半身全淹在澡盆里，盆里又都是肥皂泡，关键部位根本看不见。 可那兽般的粗俗、不能欲穷千里目的遗憾，让他晚上回家就做梦。在梦里，他和一个不明性状的东西，似交欢又不似交欢地遗下他那宝贵的少年精华。 有时那交欢的对象又似是而非，好像三岁时在老宅子看到过的那个女人。 老宅子前后各有两个大院子，院子到底大到什么程度？记得从后院蹦出来的蛤蟆，都有一只海碗那么大。 光后院就有两栋楼，上下八间房，两栋楼之间有天井，天井上有顶棚。楼后有个偏厦，偏厦很长。他站在楼上的后窗那儿，远远看见偏厦