Chapter 6 Part 1.4.2

The old aunt pushed the third uncle aside and said: "Don't think that there are no rules and no accurate manuscripts. No one knows, no one knows, the old Fu's family in your village abused their daughter-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law, two elder sisters, and so on. With her husband, there is no one who does not clean up the family and forces them to drink brine to death. What happened? I had to throw a banquet for her, and she was kicked by him. Put it again, kick it again. In the end, the two elder sisters had to cry Ling, mother-in-law hits the flag..." The old aunt's speech has substantive significance, unlike the third uncle, what can I do if I am good, and what can I do if I am not good?

After hearing what the old aunt said, grandma was scared.She was not afraid of Xiuchun's third uncle, even though he had studied in a foreign school in the province, she felt that this old aunt who had never studied in a foreign school was evenly matched and difficult to deal with. Didn't she just enter the village?How could he even know about the old Fu's abuse of his daughter-in-law? Grandma is even more afraid that the old aunt will follow the model of the old Fu's family and continue to make trouble here one after another. How can she afford to hold banquets again and again, and how can she afford to beat the face of her daughter-in-law? The toss of the lawsuit.Then hurriedly sent Xiuchun: "Go quickly, tell your father to go to Lao Zhao's house, and tell him to ask him for something urgent, so let him come quickly."

Old Zhao's family is the only squire in the area, and they live behind Xiuchun's house. In the village of two or three hundred thatched houses, there is a piece of tile-roofed houses of the old Zhao's house. The old Zhao family specially put on a short white spun gown, and covered it with a long gown with Huasige clips. Old Zhao’s house not only has tile-roofed houses, white spun jackets, long gowns made of Huasige, but also chatterboxes... When he is happy, he plays EMI records with a dog’s head logo on them.Once Lao Zhao's house played the record, all the children in the village gathered at his door to listen.The old Zhao's family did not evict, but also opened the door.Meet someone who lacks a few liters of food.He is also willing to borrow, but he doesn't pay much attention to it if he hasn't paid it back.

As for this chatterbox, its role in Xiuchun's life and death in the future is really impossible to assess. The third uncle, dressed in student attire, knew that he had met his kind when he saw the long gown and the white spinning around the cuffs of the gown, and immediately lost his temper. He felt that it was indecent to continue jumping in front of his kind. Ye Zhiqing's grief-stricken demeanor and his gratitude for the deceased, when it comes to touching things, even he becomes sad along with him, forgetting why he and his old aunt are here. Although the third uncle is a small intellectual, he is also infected with the problem of giving up halfway in the early twentieth century.Intellectuals at the beginning of the twentieth century were very different from those at the end of the twentieth century. Many of them were indeed "giants of language, but dwarfs of action." the point.Once he became stiff, he became embarrassed first.How can such a person deal with the cunning of the Ye family, that is, the cunning of farmers?

It is indeed a wise move that some wise men pin their hopes on farmers instead of intellectuals. After the wind cleared, instead of being grateful, the Ye family felt that the middle school teacher was extremely funny, otherwise how would the Ye family escape this hurdle? The Ye family held a funeral banquet according to the normal procedure. The third uncle and the old aunt did not kick the Ye family's funeral.And from the scale of the funeral banquet, there is no hint of apology, that is to say, it is not very rich. Until then, Xiuchun had only experienced the death of two relatives - her mother and her grandfather.

These two experiences made her understand two things: first, once someone dies, it is eating; second, the process of eating is the process of ending the dead.After the funeral banquet, the person who passed away also left with him, and there was nothing to do with it. Mohe's funeral banquet alarmed the relatives of the neighbors in the distant village. It is always a pity that such a virtuous and silent woman died all day long: It shows that people's "impressions" are extremely unreliable, and Mo He's disdain can be interpreted as silent virtuousness! People are kind after all, and they are more lenient to a dead person, especially when his disappearance is so earth-shattering.At the funeral banquet, people talked about Mo He's benefits... Even the little aunt said: "My sister-in-law has a really good temper, but she doesn't say anything all day long." This is obviously not a misunderstanding, but a sneaky one.At the funeral banquet, the perverse little aunt was very different from usual.It looked a little frightened.It makes people feel a little pitiful when a perverse person suddenly becomes not perverse.And a person who is always intimidated will easily cause visual fatigue, and on the contrary, people will turn a blind eye.

In the crowd of ragged clothes, among the tables, chairs and benches with missing arms and legs, and bowls and teapots with gaps and handles, there is wind and rain leaking. In the rainy thatched hut, in the life of a quilt and a kang... the little aunt has become the only bright color again. But she never recovered from it until she died.People said that what she had was tuberculosis, but they didn't know that it was more serious than heart disease.Ever since Mo He passed away, she was worried that her sister-in-law's ghost would come back to find her.Only she knows to what extent she has tortured that cold and arrogant sister-in-law who refused to beg for mercy.

But Mo He didn't come back to look for her, not even once, a cold and arrogant person, even if he did a ghost, he wouldn't back down.Isn't the recalculation of old accounts also a concession in another sense? !It is tantamount to reducing yourself to the same bill as the depositor's expenditure, and both parties are on the same level. But she was still worried, and she had been worried for many years, and until she was dying, she still felt that she was rewarded for evil.Maybe she scared herself to death. Mother's funeral feast is nothing compared to my grandfather's funeral feast.At the funeral banquet of my grandfather, even Xiuchun had a place, not to mention the content on the table.

Xiuchun hid behind the corner, watching from afar the funeral feast that belonged to her mother but had nothing to do with her.Not only did she follow her grandmother's every move, but she also studied the third uncle and the old aunt.Although her mother has been reduced to ashes, Di still has some vague fantasies about the third uncle and aunt who once made troubles in Ye's house.What fantasy?She couldn't tell either.The dishes on the table gradually cooled down, but people were still sitting upright.According to local rules, they have to wait for the oldest person on the table to distribute.But grandma is oozing.Her success in this dynasty is rare, how can she let this scene pass by?

Grandma picked up her chopsticks when she had enough blood, got up and left.She put a piece of tofu for each person, two bean noodles not much bigger than a fir tree ball, meatballs, a pinch of wide vermicelli made of potato flour, and a small bowl of boiled cabbage and radish.Potatoes, eggplants. Then grandma sat down and ate the bowl of boiled vegetables first. The process was solemn and long. After eating the stew, grandma thought for a while about the wide vermicelli with bean noodles, as if she couldn't decide what to do with it, and finally raised her chopsticks.The children of the uncle's family walked back and forth in front of the table, with their eyes on every movement on the table, every chewing mouth, every pair of waving chopsticks, every bowl of food that was swept away...

Who said that Xiuchun hiding behind the corner is not greedy?She just knows restraint. Throughout the year, only after the fifteenth day of the first lunar month can one get a white flour steamed bun removed from the offering table. If the steamed buns offered from the first day to the fifteenth day of the lunar new year are used to smash people's heads, they will definitely smash a bag at a time. Unlike her cousins, Xiuchun swallowed it in three mouthfuls. She was reluctant to eat it, but wrapped it in cabbage leaves.I was so hungry that I opened the cabbage leaf and took a bite.The leaves of cabbage can't change the hard mantou, the steamed bun still loses the white scum after one bite, and it shrinks mercilessly day by day until there is no white slag left. And she just completed the annual ceremony for that steamed bun so solemnly.As an adult, Wu Wei has not only been to the city but also to many Western countries, and to the colorful world outside of China. He will inevitably wonder how his mother, who was born in poverty and could not be influenced by more etiquette, behaves and dresses. Taste but everyone's style?After thinking about it, my thoughts went to the grandmother I had never met. Xiuchun thought that after such a commotion, the third uncle and the old aunt would not eat anything.Unexpectedly, like everyone else, they ate and drank, although they kept frowning. Xiuchun thought, how did this turn around?It must have been embarrassing for them. After eating the potato vermicelli, grandma took out a piece of cabbage leaf that had been prepared earlier from her lapel, spread the cabbage leaf on the table generously, carefully put the tofu that was one inch wide by two inches long and one inch thick, Those two balls of bean flour not much bigger than fir tree balls were placed in the cabbage leaves, and they were wrapped lightly into a square packet, and then they stood up, and the funeral feast was considered over. Grandma looked east and west, saw Xiuchun hiding behind the corner, and walked towards Xiuchun.She took Xiuchun's small black hand, put the small bag wrapped in cabbage leaves into her palm, and then looked at the two grandsons who were so close together that they almost had a pair of hooks in their eyes. But she had to give Xiuchun the small bag wrapped in cabbage leaves. Xiuchun's mother earned it for her, and no one should take it. From now on, such things will never happen again. Xiuchun raised her small face and stared blankly at grandma.Now, all she has left is this grandma who tortured her mother endlessly and insisted on burning her mother no matter who persuaded her. Her dull, tearless little face looked more hurt than tears streaming down her face. But grandma didn't feel a little guilty or remorse for this.She neither regrets nor apologizes, whether it is the torture of Mo He, or the burning of Mo He to ashes with a fire. She just thought that from now on, she would take care of one more child.Among her grandchildren who were about the same age, she didn't love Xiuchun the most, it was just that Xiuchun lost her mother.The tofu and bean noodle balls in the cabbage leaves are still warm.Xiuchong sniffed and smelled their fragrance. This was the last relationship between her mother and her, and also the last privilege that her mother left to her that no one else could take away. She held the small bag in her hand, and turned her gaze to the third uncle and the old aunt.She waited, maybe the third uncle and the old aunt would come over and say a few words to her, but they didn't.The third uncle and the old aunt finished their meal, wiped their mouths, didn't say anything, didn't even think about looking at her, and left with a sullen face. She didn't understand before, and she never waited like this, but now she really wants someone to say something to her, whatever it is; she doesn't know, is this called needing comfort? The second uncle and the second aunt were leaving too. Under the envious eyes of the poor relatives, the second uncle began to hitch his tall carriage. While rubbing her icy little hands, the second aunt whispered, "I'm leaving. I'll pick you up in two days." This was the most painful thing Xiuchun heard after her mother died. The carriage was harnessed, and the second aunt got into the carriage.The second uncle tucked and tucked the cotton curtain at the front of the car—the second aunt had not yet confinement, so she hadn't caught the wind. Grandma, aunt, and sister-in-law all said: "Look how lucky she is, married to a man who doesn't beat or scold, has enough to eat, and still loves her so much." Xiuchun watched the second uncle drive away in the carriage foolishly, and also waited foolishly for the second aunt to pick her up. Sitting in the carriage, the second aunt walked back and said to the second uncle, "Is it any wonder? When Xiuchun's mother left, I was leaning on the quilt as if I was awake when I suddenly saw Xiuchun's mother came in through the back window. This was very different from her usual gentleness, and I thought it was strange, so I asked her, "Sister-in-law, why don't you go through the front door?" Xiuchun's mother sighed sadly, Said: "There is a dog at the gate of your house... I am here for nothing else, I have to go, please take good care of my Xiuchun." The relationship between our sister and son is the best in the family. I think It was just a dream, but after a while someone announced the funeral, and Xiuchun's mother really went..." The second uncle said: "Since this is the case, let's try our best to take care of the child." They lived up to Mo He's entrustment, and they took Xiuchun to live for a few days.The second uncle also went to the field to catch some frogs and paste them with mud, buried them in the fire and burned them for Xiuchun to eat, or went down to the river to catch some fish and burned them for Xiuchun to eat. The second uncle is not a farmer, and a farmer doesn't care about his children, let alone Xiuchun is not his child. Once, Xiuchun ran away without waiting for her second uncle to pick her up. She ran and cried, crying that her big black dog had been strangled to death by her uncle.She was so sad, so sad, she hadn't cried like this since mother died. Uncle put the big black dog in the pot, topped with green onion, ginger, and soy sauce, marinated it and put it on the roof to freeze, eat one piece, slice it into thin slices, and drink it with wine. The whole family followed suit! Why are people in my uncle's family so ruthless, so ruthless? How many years has the big black dog followed them? I lost something in the shop, how did I get it back?Uncle passed out drunk in the field back to the village, who will report the letter when he returns home?Who killed the weasel who was so old in the chicken coop? ...How could they afford to eat it! From now on, who can accompany her in front of her mother's small grave?It's getting late, who can go to Xiheyan to pick her up?She was beaten and scolded by her aunt, uncle, and cousins, who would look for her in the grass shed in the back vegetable garden and scratch her with their paws?There was a lot of wind in spring, and the door was rattled, and my uncle said that she broke the door, and he raised his fist and beat her. The whole family counted how many times she went in and out. Sometimes she had to feed the pigs, sometimes she had to feed the chickens, and sometimes she had to pick up the crops, and then she had to pick up firewood... When she came back from work, she was tired, thirsty, and hungry. Hungry, no food, just drink some cold water.But when the wind blows, she is too frightened to enter the house. No matter how strong the wind is, she can only squat at the foot of the leeward wall... At that time, who else can lie on her legs to warm her? She is hungry, she is very hungry. Since my mother died, I have never given her a dry meal except for the soup left over from uncles, aunts, and cousins.It's the old Zhao's family, who even feed the long-term workers during the busy farming season. The uncle and aunt said: "Do you know how to repay your kindness? When you are young, you will show us with a bitter face. We are worthy of you. Look at your father. He stole money from the bank. The police station came to our house to arrest him." Let the east neighbors and Xishe make irresponsible remarks! It’s good for him to run away. The monk can’t run away from the temple! Your grandfather and we have to pay his debts. If it weren’t for your grandfather If we repay his debts, the police might arrest us all! It is said that the debt was borrowed by grandpa, so we will all have to suffer poorly..." Xiuchun felt that she stole the money from the bank, and their words slapped her in the face every sentence. As for her father, she didn't seem to be able to tell whether his nose bridge was high or low, and whether his eyes were big or small.How many times has she met him in total?Can't remember. Yes, she shouldn't be drinking watery soup! The cousins ​​also wrapped the congealed layer of sorghum rice porridge with pickles and said to her, "It's delicious, it's delicious, it's delicious!" Yes, she knows.It was delicious, and my mother ate it when she was alive.Once it becomes a memory, it is even more delicious. But now, even if she was so hungry that her chest was pressed against her back, she wouldn't even look at it, let alone ask her to beg for it. Even if the mother didn't teach her when she was alive, Mo and He haven't had such a far-sighted view on the upbringing of their children. Xiuchun is a child born to want face, just like the grass that happens to grow under the eaves, but it just happens to grow under the eaves, so it escapes a little bit of wind, rain, and snow... Besides, father... how could she have the face to tell people that she was hungry? Even thin soup can't be drunk smoothly.As soon as she picked up the bowl, her aunt urged: "Eat quickly, eat quickly, and wash the dishes and go to the factory after eating. She drank soup while uncle and aunt whitened her. She would rather be hungry and eat the soup." Put the soup down and wash the dishes. What's wrong with washing the dishes? At least you can avoid their blank eyes. Standing on her tiptoes, she reached for the stove, and leaned into the big iron pot, leaving only her two calves hanging out of the pot, as if she was about to plunge into the pot and swim. Before I finished washing the dishes, my aunt said again: "Quick, feed the pigs!" After feeding the pigs, my aunt said, "Let's cook!" Uncle said: "I'm afraid she can't do it." Aunt slapped her forehead and said: "Oh... her mother's work, she will take over sooner or later." Even though her heart is full, Xiuchun will be able to do the work left by Mo He at any time. What's so difficult about working?Xiuchun can bear it, even in the early morning or night of the twelfth lunar month in the middle of winter, I go out to put chickens outside or drive chickens to the shelves again and again, and my whole body is frozen stiff. She didn't care much either.The saddest thing for her is that when her cousins ​​chased and beat her with sticks, grandma didn't dare to interfere because she was afraid of her aunt.It's fine if you don't dare to interfere, but instead stopped her who was rushing left and right, staggering and running away, and said, "Let them hit you a few times, let them hit you a few times!" Why is that? ! She couldn't tell, and she couldn't ask.From the age of six, Xiuchun knew that there was a reason and that she could not argue with it.Gradually, not to mention arguing, even if there is a reason, I can't say it, and I can't explain it clearly. Later on, every time Gu Qiushui saw her tongue-tied expression, instead of feeling more sympathetic, he tortured her more brazenly, "Look at her useless appearance, it makes people angry, and makes people want to give her two mouths... " Gu Qiushui said. Only at night, when she snuggled up to her grandma and listened to her snoring unstoppably, would she think: Why are motherless children so miserable?That is to say, when I woke up the next day, I continued to be beaten and scolded by my uncle and aunt, and stared blankly, and stabbed myself in a big iron pot. hit…… But at night, if I can lie on the kang and think about it, I will comfort myself. This little girl with pigtails and ragged clothes is always dragging a rake that is taller than her, or always carrying a broken basket, not cutting pigweed or digging wild apples.Just collecting firewood, feeding pigs, chickens... Even in winter, men, women, adults and children hide at home and often see her alone, wearing ragged cotton trousers and jackets, or dragging a rake or carrying a broken basket; walking in and out of the village On the path, the sleeves of cotton-padded jackets and the legs of cotton-padded trousers are narrow and short, with wrists and ankles exposed.The wrists and ankles were bruised and purple from the cold, and they looked like two rotten sticks that had nothing to do with the wrists and ankles.The aunts and aunts in the village sighed when they saw this dry and shriveled girl because she was always hungry: "Poor child, mother is dead, and father is outside again. There is no one to rely on and no one to care for." It's strange. What's more, her pigtails are thick, and her plump, soapy but brown-blond hair shines so dazzlingly under the never-stingy sunlight, especially against the backdrop of tattered clothes. striking. But this beautiful head of hair will soon be gone. The uncle picked up the tough dog meat and said: "If I give you the meat, if you don't eat it, you will be hungry. She is hungry.Except for the piece of potato that grandpa secretly gave her, she can't even drink the thin soup, but no matter how hungry she is, she can't eat the big black dog! This time, she had no choice but to go to the second uncle's house to discuss things without waiting for the second uncle to pick her up.She ran, ran, across mountains and rivers. She was so hungry that her eyes were dazzled and her legs were weak, her upper and lower teeth were knocked out by the cold... she felt that if she couldn't get to the second uncle's house, she would have to fall headlong into the wild.The mountain wind got in under her trouser legs, passed through the little padded jacket and small padded trousers she wore hollowly, slapped her chest and back, and then jumped out from the collar. Her cotton-padded jacket and trousers were as hard as lining for shoe soles, and they rattled whenever the wind blew or her hands moved. That is also called cotton-padded jacket and cotton trousers?The cotton wadding inside has never been connected into pieces?One pimple, one pimple, only the size of a fingernail. Whenever the family eats and she hides aside waiting for leftovers and soup, the cotton pimples in the padded jacket will accompany her.She was leaning blankly in the corner, while rubbing those intimate cotton bumps with her palm.To her, those cotton bumps are like the caring person that those lucky people will have when they feel lonely.She is familiar with those cotton bumps.Know how big the hole in the middle of each pimple is.Can she count on these helpless cotton bumps like her to keep her out of the wind and cold in the 1920s, the Great Northeast that turns into ice at one breath? Although the second uncle's family is rich, it is also a big family with many brothers. When Xiuchun grows up, the brothers and sisters-in-law will inevitably have no objections, so they make up the second aunt...for Xiuchun, the second aunt has heard a lot of gossip, and when Xiuchun grows up , Knowing not to embarrass the second aunt, so she stopped running to the second uncle's house. She especially fell in love with the job of gathering firewood in the mountains. There are wild vegetables, mushrooms, soft dates, wild pears, mountain reds, and black and purple wild grapes in the woods... Chicken heart mushrooms are the most delicious. They are really similar to chicken hearts, red and white, but they are too rare. The "yellow rice dumpling" has the most mushrooms, and it's sticky and not tasty, so she stuffed it into her mouth one by one.Hazelnut mushrooms grew under the hazelnut seedlings, thin and frail, miserable yellow, weak like herself... and hazelnuts, unlike her mother, hazelnuts were only food for her. After eating the mushrooms, I ate wild vegetables, and after eating the wild vegetables, I ate wild ones, wild ones... I ate in a hurry, before I finished chewing this one, I went in the next one, she...she had to explain to her family what she did What about work? Therefore, the scenery in the mountains is the most beautiful and the most beautiful in her lifetime, and the small hills in her hometown are her favorite and favorite.Especially in autumn, the leaves of the trees are all dyed... But after autumn, what else is there to eat in the mountains?I get even more hungry in winter. The second aunt saw that she was pitifully thin, so she had a cheeky face and endured gossip from her family.The land was brought over again, only at the second uncle's house, Xiuchun could still eat. Many years later, the second uncle was classified as a landlord. He failed to withstand the struggle of the poor and lower-middle peasants and hanged himself in the stable. Before he hanged himself, he knew that the animals would soon change hands, so he drank them and fed them. That night, he cut the hay very finely, put in a lot of beans, and especially patted the old horse. The neck of the big red-maned horse he was driving said, "I'm sorry, boy!" He didn't hint at anything to his family, and he didn't cry bitterly in the stables. He died in a normal way, without any surprise or explosion, just like carrying a hoe to the field every morning to plant crops. It's just that before he put the rope around his neck, he turned his head to look at the gates of the animals, and thought about it again. The second aunt died before him. There is nothing to explain. He didn't even think about his own offspring, let alone remember that there was once a little girl named Xiuchun whom he loved very much. Three years after the second uncle's death, Ye Lianzi, who had become a teacher of the people, went back to her hometown specially to visit her second aunt and second uncle.Compared with when she was Xiuchun, she found out many relatives and nephews now.If at that time two or three of them could recognize her and not ask for everything, the second aunt and second uncle would not have to bear so many gossips for her.Ye Lianzi is frugal, but even if a primary school teacher saves, how much money can he save?These relatives found out, this three yuan, that five yuan, but there is no omission.Things are different and people are different, and the country remains the same.Where does she most want to repay Yu Yier's second aunt and second uncle?It's gone. In that year, she didn't know how to tighten the string of class struggle, and she hadn't been educated that "doing everything well is not as good as socialism, and loving mother and father is not as good as Chairman Mao."In a few years, she probably wouldn't take such a risk and go back all the way to visit her second aunt and second uncle who are not even parents and have been classified as class enemies.There are so many old friendships in the world, just blown away like this, and wiped out. Six-year-old Xiuchun, just like this guerrilla to earn a living, lived at the second aunt's house for a few days, and at the grandma's house for a few days, but she didn't go to her grandma's house. Grandma said to Xiuchun, "Your grandma is broken." How many times have grandma and grandma met in this life?That is, one or two sides.Xiuchun believed the conclusion that grandma made to grandma. Seriously, if it ain't bad, why didn't grandma come to ground her with such a miserable starvation?Did Xiuchun's grandmother ever think about this single seedling left by her daughter?Sometimes I also thought about it.Ke Xiuchun's surname is Ye, and he is from the Ye family.Can she handle it?The daughter she married is still the water that was thrown out, what can she do?Isn't it also in the Ye family?What's more, it's another daughter's family across the generations. On the other hand, Xiuchun was so hungry that she could run to her second uncle's house, why didn't she think of running to her grandfather's house? The third uncle who became a middle school teacher at the beginning of the 20th century, how educated and knowledgeable should he be?Even the old aunt's son, that is, Xiuchun's cousin, will go to Peking University in the future, and Xiuchun will also meet his cousin who is studying in Peking in Beiping. The cousin sincerely wants to help change life. Xiuchun had missed a family like her grandfather who had property, business, and knowledge.But things are hard to say. If she really goes to her grandfather's house, then in another thirty years, she will definitely suffer another kind of suffering because of the high-walled compound, chickens flying and dogs barking, and hired long-term labor. If there is trouble, I have to watch someone from my grandfather's family hang himself like my second uncle.The sea of ​​bitterness is boundless.People have to suffer anyway, if they don’t suffer this kind of punishment, they have to suffer that kind of punishment. Xiuchun didn't cry for long. How many country people can live in peace and security for a long period of time?Life is life, death is death, who would think about it for a long time? She didn't know what pain was, she just said little, as if she had lost something.I kept looking, I kept looking, and I searched sadly and anxiously, but I didn't know what I was looking for.Once a person becomes an orphan, he becomes at the same time a superfluous person, or a package deposited in someone else's hands.Because it changed hands again and again, no one remembered the owner of the package, and thought that someone might come to claim it one day, so they had no choice but to keep it. The children stopped playing with her, as if she had suddenly lost her worth. She also stopped playing with them, and she didn't want to go to other people's homes, so as not to see that they had a mother. She was always alone, coming and going.She feels alone. It's hard to be alone with someone who hasn't grown up. Xiuchun still has to wait a long time, until old age, after going through cruel tempering and adaptation, before she can bear it calmly. When a person is able to bear loneliness, he has almost achieved the fruit of cultivation, but it is also time to return to the place where he came from. When she was out to work, Xiuchun would turn to Xiheyan along the way. Where would she go if she didn't go to Xiheyan? The Xiheyan, where there are few people and where her mother's ashes are buried, is her home. Except for Xiuchun, no one came to look after Mohe's small grave, not even Ye Zhiqing, so this is not a special neglect towards her. From time to time, we pulled up the weeds on the grave, and from time to time, I picked up handfuls of black soil with my small hands, and patted them on my mother's grave.The black soil on the grave mound is always fresh, but it is such a thin layer, and it is blown away by a small wind. The wind, frost, rain and snow quickly digested Mohe's small grave, such a small grave could not help digesting it, not to mention the wind, frost, rain and snow along the West River was more ferocious than those in the village. The tombstone on the grave was also crooked, so Xiuchun had no choice but to straighten it and pick up a stone to support it. The handwriting on the tombstone gradually became blurred, and Xiuchun didn't know how to ask Grandpa to retrace the words on the tombstone. ．If not, I dug out the shoes my mother made for her, looked and looked, tried and tried, sighed softly and said: "I made so many shoes for me." Then carefully wrapped each pair and put them away. Did mother know that she was going to leave?Otherwise, why did so many shoes be made for her, one pair bigger than the other, so that she would wear them for many years after her mother died. Especially during Lunar New Year, Xiuchun always puts on a new pair of shoes that her mother made for her.That pair of new shoes embellished the days when she was so shabby in every aspect that she couldn't tell others. Her little face was filled with unresolved sadness.But it was still a child's face after all, and there was a kind of contradictory complexity amidst the clueless sadness.For example, when grandpa distributed the half piece of fermented bean curd to everyone, she would smile at grandpa, and a rare brilliance flashed across her face.That smile, especially because grandpa treats her the same as he treats others. When uncles and aunts made bowls of dumplings for the cousins ​​to eat enough, and then it was her turn to have a small bowl, she would always pick up the rice bowl and turn around and hide behind the stove, and shed tears as soon as she picked up a dumpling The ground fell, as if the pain accumulated in my heart was all let out by that dumpling. But then she thought again, Chinese New Year is really good, even people get better together, even my aunt gave her a bowl of dumplings.Looking at the dumpling in the chopsticks, Xiuchun smiled again in a blink of an eye, and the bitter wrinkles on her face immediately returned to the original place—not forgotten or disappeared, but packed up and packed, and put back to the original place. Tossing out the shoes her mother made for her, and going to Xiheyan to tidy up her mother's small grave... Xiuchun started here, looking for a way to deal with loneliness. 7 Mo He still came back, but she didn't make trouble, she just worried about Xiuchun. After finishing the funeral for her mother, Xiuchun slept between her grandma and grandpa. She missed her mother and was afraid of her mother. Once she died, she would no longer be the same person but a ghost. From grandparents to grandparents, it should be father and mother—if mother is still alive and father does not go to Changchun to learn business.Then there are uncles and aunts. If she has an older brother, she will be ranked behind her uncle and aunt after she gets married.If someone fell asleep and turned over in a daze, he might turn over to the other side to form another pair. So many stories were arranged by accident from this queue.Every night when she was half asleep, Xiuchun always saw her mother coming in from the back window. In her dream, she yelled, "Mom, the whole family, young and old, was awakened by her. She also saw her mother picking up her shoes on the ground. , Said: "Oh, how long can I wear it? "Mom sat on the edge of the Kang, rubbing the top of her head up and down. She said, "Mom, I'm hungry and I'm cold." Mom just burst into tears.Except for her, no one in the whole family could see Mo He. Grandma was frightened, and thought to herself, Mo He hated me for setting her on fire. There is another person who is most afraid of, and that is Xiuchun's sister-in-law.Uncles and aunts said: "Find a great dancer to come to the town and cast spells." Invite a great dancer to meet the gods all day long, jump three feet high, and it won't break if you fall on the ground .There was also a town talisman posted on the gate, but Xiuchun still saw her mother coming back, and looked at Xiuchun in peace, and did not harm anyone. Uncles and aunts no longer invite dancing masters.No matter whether Mo He went home or went to the second aunt's place to ask for help, he always entered the house through the back window, which shows that the dead and the living are different after all. 8 More than that?Xiuchun was the first to "know" about his grandfather's death. Mo He seldom brought Xiuchun back to her natal home, so Xiuchun was particularly impressed, not to mention the early winter when she was four years old. Mother, aunts and aunts all learn embroidery with grandma in the upper room, and she is lying on the kang in the east wing and playing with the dog. I saw the dog leaping off the kang, and then the copper basin in the middle of the ground made a loud noise, which made her shout loudly: "Mom, mother!" The mother and aunts rushed over and saw that there was a gun in the copper basin. Pick it up and hold it, it is still hot. When they came to the upper room with guns, the grandmother was startled and said, "Oh, it's still hot!" and asked Xiuchun, "Where did it come from?" Xiuchun couldn't tell.The women looked at each other in blank dismay, thinking that the gun shot was strange. After a while, the hunters brought my grandfather back.The four men struggled with strides, frequently changing the bars on their shoulders. Grandpa's leather vest was open, all the butter in his stomach was pouring out, and there was so much blood.Xiuchun had never seen so much blood, her eyes seemed to be born just to see how the blood flowed from her relatives.Less than two years later, she saw her mother die from excessive blood loss. The hunters said that when going down the mountain, my grandfather was walking in front, and suddenly they heard a gunshot, and they hurried forward, and when they got to the bottom, they saw his grandfather fell to the ground.He quickly tore open the hunted pheasant and paste it on his grandfather's wound, but it didn't matter.It was far away from home, and the mountain road was steep... Grandpa died when he was carried halfway.A hunter later remembered that when his grandfather went down the mountain, he dragged his shotgun down the mountain, and the muzzle of the gun was pointed at his lower back.This is absolutely impossible for a hunter, and it's not like he didn't know it, but he didn't expect the shotgun to go off. Why did my grandfather, who knew it was a taboo and had absolutely no tendency to give up on himself, do that?What is it if it is not a coincidence? Grandma was sad because she was sad, but she also said that grandpa loved hunting the most, and he died because of his favorite thing.Thinking about it this way, it doesn't hurt so much. 外祖父的丧事很铺排，家里大发送，闺女、姑爷都回去了，放了“七七”，喇叭奏乐，老道诵经，院子里整天都是敲木鱼的声音。秀春原是跟着妈妈走娘家，没想到变成了给外祖父出殡。小小的年纪，就跟着妈妈上了席面。外祖父的丧宴，于她是最为豪华奢侈的一次经历，以后再没有见过这样的排场，——不论是跟了顾秋水还是当了作家的吴为。 吊唁的人来人往，灵堂里灯火辉煌，四周挂满白色的幔帐。右边跪着女眷，左边跪着男眷。 烧纸烧香，杀猪宰羊，灵堂里哭灵，灵堂外谈笑。 各种声响充填、响彻在那一片山谷的上空。又在烧炕的烟筒旁撒上细灰，等着外祖父回来“望乡”。 人们在烟筒旁守了几天，也没守到外祖父回来“望乡”，只好歇的歇、干事的干事去了？ 偏偏秀春在炕上玩“抓子儿”的那一会儿工夫，细灰上就有了牛脚印子。 不是耗子的脚印，也不是兔子的脚印，就是牛脚印子。外祖父的属相可不就是牛！ 于是家里人就怪怪地看着秀春，说：“哎呀，墨荷呀，你这个闺女可是有点儿怪。你说那枪子儿……” 妈妈就说：“咱家跟前不是有个庙吗？准是那庙里的仙姑把枪子儿送回来了，再不就是狐仙送的信儿。” “是这么回事吗？可那'望乡'的脚印子怎么说？” “赶巧了吧。”妈妈嘴里这样分辩着，眼睛却不知是得意、是好奇、是忧虑、是神秘地看着秀春。 9 叶志清很快又说了媳妇。这和移情别无恋关。谁也不应该指责他那么快就忘记了墨荷，那样的指责既不人道，也很娇情，总不能要求一个对“性”相当务实的男人，去效仿“抱柱”那一类矢志不移，类似(天方夜潭)的神活。贾宝玉和林黛玉也不过是个故事，闲时读着解闷倒是好的；对情窦初开的人，不失为一个层次较高的范本；一些酸盐假醋的文人，尤其可以照葫芦画瓢，来一段东施效颦。 没有人告诉秀春，但是一看小姑姑和奶奶扫房、起猪圈，满院子抓鸡，抓得掀房揭瓦过年们的，她就知道要有继母了。 “家里有地，城里有钱庄买卖……”叔叔像是清点自家的钱柜。 “这亲事才叫门当产对。”奶奶说，好像叶家突然发了财。说罢又朝秀春看了看，秀舂就内惭形秽地缩了缩脖子，好像她已经不配做叶家的人。 “也在旗。” “您老说'也'在旗是什么意思？好像咱家在旗似的。”小姑姑投有好气地顶撞着奶奶。 “那是。”奶奶说。 “那是什么！咱家不是从山东逃荒过来的吗？我大哥真会吹，不知怎么骗上手的。” “你别这么说，你大哥现在是张大帅队伍上的人啦。”“您还有脸说这个！”小姑姑把拔了一半毛的鸡往热水盆里一摔，混着鸡毛和鸡屎臭的水溅了满锅台，“他要不是因为嫖窑子拿了人家柜上的钱，让人家告到衙门，才不会跑去当兵呢。哼，这个穷日子还不是他造的，他把我们大伙儿的家当全折进去了，我凭什么给他媳妇拔鸡毛，我不，我偏不厂一直对小姑姐怀恨在心的婶婶，发现她们之间竟还有同一种仇恨，便对她有了好感，使人想起“共同的仇恨比共同的利益更容易使人结成牢固同盟”之类的名言。 小姑姐不拔鸡毛就下拔，再说她有病，而且还是治不好的病。婶婶捡起小姑姐扔在锅台上的鸡，几乎带着一些爱心，接下这个没干完的活计。 到了迎娶的时候，陪送的娘家人，套用了叶志清当年往秀春外祖父家送聘礼的老手法，每个人手里都捧了一个红包，吹吹打打非常热闹。 看热闹的人都说：“瞧瞧，老叶家又娶了个阔媳妇。” 所谓陪嫁，其实都是叶志清买的。他故态复萌，为这次婚娶又挪用了公款。但是作案手法已经大有长进，否则他也不可能在这里体体面面地做新郎。 马车上、地面上，铺着清一色的红毡子，说是新娘子的脚不能沾地。新娘子一下车，就像从马车上落下一片红光，非常晃眼。 在这一片红光里，秀春知道一个和妈妈截然不同、可以降住父亲的女人来了。 有人说：“瞧瞧，腰上还挂了个照妖镜呢，那是冲着秀春她妈来的。” 秀春往她腰上一看，果然挂着一个铜盆那么大的照妖镜。 地往前一迈步，就看出比叶志清高出半个脑袋，要不是罗锅，就得高过一个脑袋。 她的罗锅实在厉害，在腰跟那里生生地窝了一个拐脖。 场面闹得挺大，有人在门槛上放了一个马鞍子，鞍子上放着铜钱，新娘子从上面跨了过去，说是讨个吉利。 秀春不知道，叶家迎娶自己母亲的时候是否也这样的热闹？希望不是。 可是一揭盖头，人人吓了一跳，大家实在明白不过，这样的女人还能嫁出去，真是她的运气。 一张脸不但像马脸那样长，还长着——口马牙。眼睛极大，两个黑跟珠却各有半个藏在鼻粱里不肯出来。这张脸上扑着极厚的粉，乍一看，还以为是一匹马刚从面缸里钻了出来，真是惊天动地。 这样的阵势，一下就把新郎淹没得没了踪影，等人们见到他的时候，总以为他是出其不意地从那匹马的胳肢窝或是马屁股后头钻出来的。 到了继母盘腿住挂着红幔账的炕上一坐、开始坐帐，离吃子孙饺子还有一两个时辰的时候，秀春就看出了问题，就知道这两个人吃不成子孙饺子。 吃子孙饺子的时候，饺子果然掉在了地上。 虽然秀春知道他们吃不成子孙饺子，一旦成真，反倒让她惊诧得不能相信。她望着掉在地上的饺子，对自己这种预知事物的能力着实感到惊愕。周围的人群和喧哗的人声似乎立刻隐去，只有她独自一人，呆呆地站在地当间儿，不知如何是好，更不知是凶是吉。 正像秀春预见的那样，继母一个孩子也没有生育。新娘子像是没有在意，从容梳洗，换下礼狈，穿上娘家陪送的旗人大褂，梳上燕尾大头，下地给客人点烟、倒茶，在老爷们儿的荤话玩笑面前，倒有一份遇事不惊的笃定安详。 婶婶撇擞嘴对小姑姐说：“她是旗人？我可不信，别看她梳了个燕尾大头。” 小姑姑说：“你想我大哥什么时候说过实在的话？” 家里人很快就知道，新进门的媳妇和叶志清，是一副配伍应用得相当得体的方子。 第二天父亲起得挺早，身穿东北军军装，披一件灰色斗篷，戴一顶大檐帽，很神气，很威风地在自家的院子里走来走去。 父亲这次回家办喜事，很有点衣锦还乡的意思。他又带了钱，还清了爷爷替他顶的债。 秀春不明白，他怎么又成了好人？其实人一有了钱势，大半就会被人当做好人。小姑姑句婶婶为这个斗篷争沦了很久。 婶婶说：“是他的。”小姑姑说：“借的。”婶婶说：“这么好的东西，淮肯往外借？再：不就是租的，你看他老守着，怕赔本儿似的。” 正在给鸡切食的秀春一抬头，叶志清看到了她脑门儿上的皱纹，像个小老太太。 他原该有个健壮的孩子来证明家里的富足，他担心秀春会在新媳妇面前丢叶家的脸，就吩咐道：“去，到那边干活儿去。” 因为蹲的时间太长，秀春一站起来就两眼发黑，她扶靠着墙，摇摇晃晃向父亲指定的地点走去。 补过很多补丁的棉袄和棉裤上，沾满墙上和地上的尘土，像一只极听话的在土窝里打过滚的小脏狗。偏偏这时候继母从屋里走了出来。父亲说：“快叫妈。” 她觉得继母的那张脸和妈妈的脸差得太远，怎么也重合不到一起。 迎娶时继母挂在腰上的照妖镜早巳取下，感觉上却是妈妈的脸和继母的脸，同时在那镜子里漂浮着，像在河里游泳似的，而自己也好像跟着一起晃来晃去。她揉揉眼睛，想把就要被她叫做妈的那张脸看看清楚。 “快叫啊！”父亲催促着。 她不是不叫，她得先把脚跟站稳。她像是站在河里，河水流得又很急，几乎把她冲倒。 “人家不爱叫，你干吗非让人家叫？我还当不起这个妈呢！” 真是的，怎么一上来就让她当妈？昨天以前她自己还是个黄花闺女呢。而且她觉得这个孩子阴郁、畏瑟得谁看了都觉得自己亏心有错，不招人欢喜。一旦下了这样的结论，就马上把她从脑子里打发出去，“我得给老太太请安去。”父亲扭头瞅了瞅太阳，都快晌午了，“今天就免了吧，我跟老太太说了，你身上不舒服。” 她想起自己确实不舒服。夜里炕烧得不好，冷一阵热一阵的。饭食更不好，清汤寡水的，不但让嘴里得不着什么，连肚子里也得不着什么。说得天花乱坠，嫁过来一看根本不是那么回事。 小姑姐、妯娌叔叔、婆婆全像合计好了，一致对她千好万好，反倒让地觉得藏着什么阴谋。 院子里东一堆粪、西一堆柴火，也寡薄得不成阵势。这草房呢，还漏顶，以后势必下雨漏雨，刮风漏风，指不定还得从房梁上往下掉老鼠、长虫。 这时候她看见了小姑姐，就势往丈夫身上一斜，“哎哟哟——” "What's wrong?" 叶志清赶紧搀着她的腰。 “胃不舒服，咱们还是进屋去吧。”叶志清把她扶进屋，搀上炕，她便娇娇滴滴伸出一双大脚。叶志清二把抓住一只，她尖声地颤笑起来，“哎哟，痒死啦……”眼前的女人丑是丑的，但叶志清很满足。秀春她妈从来就不这样笑，连笑也很少。 他的手不同得顺着脚往上挪，又伸进了裤腿，再往上就游走不动了。他把手退了出来，从裤腰上往下摸。“大白天的……”女人说。 他不理，没听见似的，闭着眼睛喘粗气。 10 秀春的眼睛到底“毒”还是不“毒”，如果到此尚存疑问，那么从另一件事也许可以了悟。 两年之后，村里伤寒大流行。乡下人，又穷，哪里懂得找大夫吃药？即便有钱找大夫，伤寒在那个时代也是难以治愈的病症。 人们一个接一个地死了，早上还在抬人的人，下午就让人给抬走了。有点钱的人家，请来跳大神的。可是跳大神的昨天还在给别人驱瘟，今天就横倒了。 继母马上回了娘家，她当然不会带上秀春，连秀春自己的外祖母，也没说接秀春去躲一躲，怎能那样要求一个继母？ 继母从来没有打过、骂过秀春。秀春饿也好、冷也好、挨打也好，都是她自己叔叔婶子叶家人干的，和她有什么关系？ 这样一个继母，应该说是很好的继母了。 秀春势必染上伤寒。一个先是喝着高梁米醭子，然后又是喝着稀汤往大里长的孩子，不染上伤。寒才叫怪。 开始，奶奶每天还用小勺喂她点凉开水，——所幸还有凉开水。 奶奶一边给她喂凉开水，一面对她，也是对自己说：“别怪奶奶不给你找大夫，奶奶哪儿有钱呢？撞吧，撞大运吧，秀春，全靠你自己了，撞吧……” 奶奶心里也暗存侥幸，姐妹兄弟中惟独秀春活了下来，不是她的命大又是什么？或许命大的秀春也能闯过这一关。 秀春躺在炕上，凉水喝了一碗又一碗。十几天过去，还是昏昏沉沉，高烧不退。 到了最后一天，也像墨荷那样昏迷过去，奶奶怎么叫也叫不醒了。当然，也不可能指望奶奶叫她像她在墨荷昏迷时那样叫墨荷。 叔叔摸了摸她的脉，说：“看样子她是熬不过去了。” 奶奶摇摇头，叹着气说：“是啊，她命再大也闯不过去这一关了。我早就看出来，墨荷留。小孩子。也好，不如让这孩子找她妈去吧。” 婶婶说：“到时候了，找件囫囵衣服给她换上吧。”然后也就把她忘了。 她什么时候有过囫囵的衣服？奶奶把秀春的破棉裤、破棉袄翻出来，拆洗干净，给她准备装囊了。 墨荷过世后。头一次有人绐秀春拆洗棉裤和棉袄。 就在秀春昏迷的时候，空中有人对她说：“回来吧。”上哪儿？她没问就摇摇头，说：“不。” 就好像不用问，她也知道“回来吧”是什么意思。 那声音又说道：“这样的日子有什么意思？” 什么日子？ 她忽然看见浮沉于九霄之下的自己，不过是一挂形销骨立、血气失尽的皮肉，踽踽独行在愁云惨雾之中。她从不知自己是如此的绝望惨淡，便为自己那一挂皮肉哭了起来。 “这就让你痛哭流涕了？你还没有苦到头儿呢。下面这些话，你可要一字一句听仔细了：再往前走，更是水深火热、枪林弹雨、战乱流离、贫困失所、寄人篱下、惨遭遗弃……” 当她还愣怔地想像着凡此种种的惨烈时，有人拉起她就往前走。所到之处，无不一片明亮。最后来到一条河边，河水似乎蒸腾着烫人的热气，但那人还是拉着她继续往河里走。 这时，秀春听到了乐声。不是她在村里听惯的那些乐声，而是来自老赵家那话匣子的乐声。从她第一次听到那话匣子里的乐声起，就觉得那乐声填补了她无望的生活，好像一个渺茫的依托。 相比之下，这些只具修辞意义、不具物质形态的警戒，可不就太费一个孩子的心思？ 不，她不能随着那人下到那条河里去。她得留在岸上，岸上还有一个她舍不下的依托，——虽然渺茫，虽然无名。 于是她蹲在地上死挣活挣，再不肯向前走一步。 那抓在她衣领上的手，还是用力拽着她向前。她听见咝啦一声，她的小袄就从头顶上褪了出去，那小袄随着抓在衣领上的手继续往前、往前，她却留在了岸上。 对于她那固执于“生”的愿望，这本是一个难得的警告，也是一个幡悟的机会，她本该像她那些兄弟姐妹们一样就此去了，可她就是不肯回头，不肯觉悟。秀春失去了这个最后的机会。 然后她转身往回跑，直到跌了一跤，醒了过来。这回真是醒来了。偶尔，她也会模模糊糊地想起这些事，总觉得那不过是病中的幻觉。人们说地果然命大，村里凡是染上伤寒的人都死了，只有她是惟一的例外。靠的什么，一碗又一碗的凉开水？ No!秀春也以为自己果真命大，却不知从，此以后，她得、一步一步，将那一字一句都得听仔细的话，一字一句、一个不落地实现。从炕上起来后，秀春连路都不会走了。 她那亮丽的头发，掉得一根也不剩，后来虽又长出一些，但已不能和过去相比。 奶奶把她放到南墙根，“晒晒太阳，暖和暖和吧。” 她就晒着太阳，晒得昏昏沉沉，睡了一觉又一觉。 人说“不死掉层皮”，在太阳底下睡醒以后，她就敞开小棉袄揭自己身上的皮，一揭一大张，一揭一大张。旧皮又黑又皴，新皮干干净净，白白嫩嫩。她觉得那些旧皮，就是拽着她的衣服领子，要她跟着下河的人从她头顶褪去的小袄。 奶奶还给她做了一碗酸菜白面疙瘩汤。除了在外祖父的丧宴上，那是她自出生以来也没吃过的美食。她甚至想，就为这碗面疙瘩汤，宁愿再出生人死地病一场。 11 现在就可以明白，叶莲子后来一次又一次地错过那些可能改变她命运的机遇，可以说是对她那“生”的固执的惩罚。二十世纪已然翻过；女人的生存花样不断翻新，遗憾的是本质依旧。所谓流行的尚，不过是周而复始地抖搂箱子底。二十世纪初的女人与现时女人相比，这一个天地未必更窄，那一个天地未必更宽。 秀春虽不能像有些女人那样幸运，参加选美、上大学、办女报……尽数时代风流，电不能做秘书、招待、工人、演员、二奶、作家等等地自谋生路，更没有可能尝试跳舞、唱歌、骑马、游泳、演讲、玩票等等，书写一段上层仕女人生享乐图。但机会总是有的。 秀春听了奶奶的劝告，跟着父亲和继母到了锦州。 临走前．她到小山冈上去了。站在山冈上，看着山脚下的家，不能相信装着她许多委屈的茅草房，转眼就要看不见了。 她和小鸟说；了话，也跟枫树说了话，它们无…不用耐心的倾听抚慰过她，也跟蘑菇、野菜。山梨、山里红、野葡萄们说了话，它们无一不支撑过她饥饿难熬的日子。 又来到猪圈鸡圈，对她的伙伴猪和鸡们说：“我走了，谁给你们割猪草，谁来喂你们、放你们呢？……” 地也舍不得爷爷，过年时节，爷爷从没忘记过她那半块与别人同等待遇的豆腐乳。 还有那片庄稼地和村东村北的小河。每当庄稼收割后，地都在那地里捡过庄稼和毛豆……这么小的一个人，一捡就是一大担，供爷爷奶奶、叔叔婶婶、堂兄弟们吃了不少日子，叔叔也因此少打她好几顿……她还在村东村北的小河里抓过小鱼和青蛙，用火烧了吃，夏天和村里的姑娘媳妇们在河里洗过澡，冬天在冰冻的河面上打过冰出溜…… 最后来到西河沿，跪在妈妈的小坟头前，烧了纸又烧了香：“妈，我走了，以后，淮还能来给你烧把纸，上炷香呢？” 什么事到了她这里，部变得得太容易。 到锦州以后，地上了小学；并在一个女同学的启发下，开始列教堂做礼拜，那不也是逃避嫌弃的好去处？ 她十指交叉跪在主的面前，管风琴的声音，为她制造了许多记忆里并没有多少储存的母爱。那爱如和暖的风，从教堂的拱顶吹拂下来，于是她有了皈依宗教、发愿当修女的打算。如果她能如愿以偿，那真是她这一生最好的出路。 就在她和那位闺中好友商定，第二天去教堂发愿当修女的时候，发生了九一八事变，她们甚至没有来得及重新五十万东北军一起，在蒋介石不得抵抗的命令下退驻关内，汇人中国人历时十多年的大逃亡苦旅。 从二十世纪三十年代日本侵华战争开始，多少中国人被拖出可能拥有的、一份安分守己的人生，被逐上往蹇来连的人生苦旅？这种祸害，可能比日本人烧杀掳掠的罪行还要深重得多。 在日后诸多日本侵华战争的回忆录中，人们大多记录了日本在中国烧杀掳掠的罪行，却不曾有人清算他们在这方面的罪恶，怕是深重到罄竹难书的地步？ 离开锦州时，叶莲子曾回首眺望教堂那一处鹤立鸡群的高地。教堂的尖顶上有一抹黑云断续飘移，如一缕不祥的黑纱，又像在天空中画下的一串，尚未了结的删节号。 从锦州逃到北平后，叶莲子继续读着小学，上学的路上，曾被一名“星探”看中。叶志清可以嫖窑子，但是绝对不能容忍女儿当戏子。 从那以后，她知道了自己还有“美丽”这么一笔财富。当顾秋水将她和吴为置于无以为生的境地之后，她满可以用这笔财富，为她和吴为换取一个足以温饱的生活，但是她的价值观念过于落后，从未加以开发利用。 所以她们陷落无以为生的境地，不能完全归罪于顾秋水的不仁不义。 以后，叶莲子还将多次面临与机遇失之交臂的局面。